Trans-attraction - The Transamorous Network

February 1, 2022December 27, 2021

Transphobias: Better Left In The Great White North

If you’re transgender or trans-attracted, it’s better to think about all the great things about being trans and the great things about being trans-attracted, than thinking about other people’s transphobic opinions about who or what you are. At The Transamorous Network we encourage becoming oblivious to why people say and do things.

Unless you can tell positive stories about them.

That’s why we ignore when a trans woman thinks she knows better about where we’re coming from than we do, and criticizes or demeans what we share. What others think is none of our business 🤣.

A recent client experience shows why doing what we do acts in your best interest.

Coming to grips with her likes

She visited a local drive up coffee kiosk for a java infusion. It’s something she loves doing. Icing on that coffee cake is the beefcake who works there. My client crushes on him every time she sees his hunkiness.

He’s not her only crush. She talks with several men at a time. Her fortune meeting men shows her she’s getting everything she wants. It’s a case in point for trans women: tell the right stories and everything you want – including men – appear.

I think she’s having a great time with all the guy she’s talking with. The most recent guy she spoke with, however, told her dating transgender women scares him. Hearing this, my client expressed feeling two ways about it.

In the first way, she wants to console the guy and his insecurity. But in the second way, she wants nothing to do with it.

Give the finger to other’s opinion. They don’t matter, so you shouldn’t mind.

“I don’t want to have to help a guy come to grips with what he likes,” she said.

Match what you want

That’s when I explained how what he said reflected back to her what she’s thinking about the same topic.

“Huh?” she asked.

“The reason you’re meeting guys who are afraid of dating you is because you still aren’t sure you’re datable,” I told her. “That’s what the Universe is showing you by matching you with this guy. Your dates always match your stories.”

My client has enough of The Transamorous Network’s approach under her belt to get the truth of those words. Every trans woman meets people who match what she’s putting out. If she doesn’t like who she’s meeting, complaining about who’s she’s meeting is the worst thing she can do.

Instead, we recommend becoming a match to the kinds of men you want to date. How? Tell stories about everything that match what you want. Everything. That includes those guys you meet you’d rather not meet.

Doing so requires serious, honest assessment of stories you tell. Especially stories about men…and stories about yourself. Some trans women think they’ve got their thoughts in the right place. Usually, that’s not the case. It’s easy thinking you’re clear, when, really, you’re not. Like this client explains:

A trans woman acknowledges something nearly all trans women (and everyone else) won’t: she really didn’t understand what was going on in her head, until she got a real good look.

Same goes for you trans-attracted men. Figure out your stories, change them and the trans girl you want is yours.

Let’s return to my client’s story.

Back to the coffee kiosk

The hunky dude walking up and down line of cars had what my client interpreted as a “transphobic reaction” to her. She said when he saw her, he looked at her “strange” and kept looking back at her while taking others’ orders.

We talked about this from the perspective of “other people’s opinions aren’t my business“, and why that is. Most people move through the world from places of insecurity, fear, pessimism and negativity. Why on earth would my client want a piece of that????

Instead I asked my client if she could think of alternative stories which would make the hunk’s reaction less personal, or even personally favorable.

It took her a while. But after a little cajoling, she came to some good ones:

His behavior has nothing to do with me
He’s never seen a trans woman before and is curious, not negative
Maybe he’s trans-attracted and didn’t know it until now!
Maybe he finds me attractive!

It doesn’t matter whether these stories are true or not. How they made my client feel meant everything.

Why?

Because how she feels tells her something important. So these stories were very good for her. I knew this because her countenance totally changed after telling them. That meant she was headed in a totally different direction than before.

Stories create the world. And everyone’s telling stories all the time, including you. So why not create the best worlds? How? Tell the best feeling stories.

Leave them in the cold

How this guy reacted to seeing my client had nothing to do with her and everything to do about him. But in that moment, my client observed that reaction on purpose. Even though she didn’t realize it at the time, her current beliefs showed themselves in this guy’s behavior. That was a good thing, even if she didn’t believe it at the time.

Seeing what she saw was great evidence of The Transamorous Network’s approach working. Now she knows what her stories contain. That allowed her to do something about them: create better-feeling stories.

So what started as a negative situation turned out to be a really positive one. This is why nothing ever goes wrong in the world. Everything always goes right.

Leave other people’s opinion’s alone. Especially ones inconsistent with yours. They don’t matter. The only place they belong is where they belong…in the Great White North. In other words, out in the cold. Not in your awareness.

Keep them out there and watch how much your love life improves.

January 25, 2022December 4, 2021

Finding Love Results From Seeing The Proof

This morning during a client session, the client shared a perfect example of how easily The Transamorous Network’s process works for getting the relationship one wants.

The process IS easy. But like my client, many trans women, and trans-attracted men, make it harder than it needs to be. They make it less fun too.

All one need do to get anything they want is tell stories about their desire and feel good about having it. Even if they don’t tell positive stories, evidence still surrounds them, telling them they’re getting what they want.

But because the person won’t acknowledge the evidence, getting what they want takes a VERY long time…or it doesn’t happen at all.

I should correct that. Every desire fulfills itself. But many people, especially trans women, compromise on what they want. They’re too impatient, tell too many contrary stories and focus on the wrong evidence. But even those girls get what they want…as everyone does…after death. For when a person dies, they return to nonphysical where everything happens in an instant.

No one need wait until death though to get what they want. I know this based on my own experience. That’s why I’m committed to serve members of the trans community ready to hear what I share. Those women (and men) are emmissaries of what’s possible.

This trans woman is an example:

But I digress…

It’s basic math

My client, let’s call her Josie, lamented during one session two weeks ago. She complained about men she was meeting and how those men expressed beliefs contrary to what she wanted. We talked a bit more before I turned the subject to something she enjoyed talking about.

After a little time there, Josie admitted feeling better. Then she doubled down on her previous feeling.

“I feel that I take two steps forward,” she said. “Then take one step back.”

What she was saying is she feels pessimistic because she sees herself going backwards. But if you look at what she actually said here, she was sharing evidence of progress. Not going backwards.

Think about it. It’s basic math.

Let’s say a person is walking forward from point A, and they take two steps forward. How far away are they from point A? Right, two steps.

Now let’s say they take one step back. How far are they away from point A? One step. That’s progress!

This is a common perception problem many humans (not just trans ones) suffer from. Josie acknowledged it in our session today.

“I have ingrained ways of looking at things that have me see negatively,” she said.

“I agree,” I said. “Meanwhile evidence surrounds you that you’re progressing.”

He’s looking for you. Are you seeing evidence that you two are getting closer to meeting? (Photo by Tamarcus Brown on Unsplash)

The evidence…

Then I reminded her about our session last week. Back then, after bemoaning progress that looks like two steps forward and one back, she happily described an encounter she had with a guy.

As she describes herself, she regularly smiles at women she doesn’t know, but never smiles or even makes eye contact with men. But last week she caught herself smiling at a guy.

That shocked and surprised her, but she also saw it (in the moment) as evidence of her progress. It so happened that in this same conversation she also talked about the “several men” she was talking to on dating sites.

So here she is producing all this evidence of guys showing her interest. And yet, she’s complaining about her lack of progress!

Then, this week, she shares even more evidence. Turns out that while walking her dog at the local dog park, she not only smiled at a guy, she struck up a whole conversation with him! As she did so, she was so clear what she was doing, she said she wanted to text me about her “progress” as she called it.

It’s easy, if you let it be

I told Josie then that she has the option at any time to turn her attention to evidence indicating progress towards what she wants. Instead, what she’s doing is indeliberately focusing on “lack of evidence”. That makes her feel shitty. Feeling shitty, Josie can’t see her progress. But the progress is there.

Focus on that progress and telling positive stories becomes easy. Then life gets easy. Then everything one wants comes easily. Including that love life where the perfect partner shows up.

But you must let it become easy. Most people fight against “easy” by being indeliberate about stories they tell. They focus on their pessimism, even when life is showing them all the evidence telling them they are getting what they want.

At The Transamorous Network I help trans women and trans-attracted men all day long learn how to turn their lives into lives where everything they want happens. It’s easy once you get the hang of it. And it’s fun.

Josie is beginning to get this. When are you going to?

January 18, 2022December 3, 2021

How Life Can Be Great For Trans or Trans-attracted People

Life is great. Especially for trans or trans-attracted people. That’s because trans and trans-attracted people come into the world with powerful purpose: to create a new reality for humankind and expand All That Is.

I’m here to encourage those trans and trans-attracted people how special they are. My purpose also includes reminding them how powerful they are, how fun life is supposed to be — can be — and how easy it is to get all they want.

After all, we all came here knowing the experience would feel like a glorious adventure.

But, the brilliant “reality”…the real-ness of life experience…stuns nearly all of us out of our knowing. So, most people just try getting by. They compromise on their dreams. Then end up leading mediocre lives.

Mediocre is ok; but that’s all

A mediocre life is fine. Actually, mediocre lives represent “normal” living. So someone living a mediocre life means that person chose what everyone else chooses.

But how many people do you know had the following dream in childhood?

I’ll tell you how many. Zero.

That kind of life can feel ok. Seeing others living that way, most think it’s preferable. But a better life exists. Especially for trans and trans-attracted people. Even if you’re in a mediocre life (or worse) now, you can change it. We talk about that all day every day in this blog. The how is easy. But you must choose it.

A simple process like this gets it going. But understanding WHY it works is as important as doing it. Otherwise, you won’t believe it works. And that story stops the process in its tracks.

It’s easy; life is too

In a short time, anyone can prove to themselves the following:

That they are an eternal being
Life gives them everything they want, easy
Each person lives at the center of the universe
Nothing can harm anyone
Everyone is invincible
Each person creates their experience

With only a little practical application, anyone will see evidence of all this. And, when that happens, a person wants more evidence. The more evidence they see, the more gets created because the Universe wants each person knowing these things.

Trans and trans-attracted people must know these things even more. Why? Because when they don’t, they get lives so many trans and trans-attracted people live.

Don’t be like everyone else. Live extraordinarily. Life gets easy when you do.

Don’t know how? We help people every week learning just that.

January 11, 2022November 26, 2021

A Trans Woman’s Worst Nightmare

The Transamorous Network offers free 1:1s for trans-attracted men or trans women to chat with us and learn whether what we offer can help them live more fulfilling, happy lives.

Most times those conversations offer insight and satisfaction for everyone involved. In rare instances though, something else happens.

That’s what happened this morning. This conversation offered insight into what many trans women experience in their attempts to fulfill their relationship dreams. It also sheds light on why trans women degrade men who naturally find them attractive.

A classic connection

Not many schedule a Free 1:1. Especially since we implemented a $25 refundable fee to dissuade men who schedule a free session (perhaps while drunk or high) then don’t show up.

We know what we offer the trans community benefits that community. Over time we’ve spoken to many, many trans-attracted men, trans women and people who don’t fit in those categories, yet express trans-attraction. Many such people thank us for what we do. But seeing our clients transform their lives prove what we offer helps.

Then there’s “Josh”.

Josh got on his free 1:1 this morning. Hispanic and in his 60s, Josh has been single for 18 years. Before that he was married to a cis woman, who divorced him after she discovered him cheating with another cis woman.

Like many trans-attracted men, Josh’s past includes experiences where he learned about and enjoyed sex with men at an early age. He also enjoyed and still enjoys wearing clothing seen by society as “Women’s clothes”. He wears nylons and garters under his male clothes and loves wearing negliges at night.

Josh married a cis-woman because, in his words, he was “battling what he really wanted” which included expressing submissive characteristics in bed.

And also, like many trans-attracted men, Josh first encountered trans women through porn. This happened in the last year, and since that discovery, Josh found himself irresistibly trans-attracted.

Marriage often, but not always, can smoke screen what’s really going on for both parties. Which is why they often end in divorce.

Stereotypes prove the rule

Many trans women encounter men like Josh. Josh is in his very early stage of the chaser to transamorous journey. This was clear from the first few seconds. He referred to trans women as “shemales” and “transexuals”. He fixated on the idea that they had penises and expected a trans woman would be happy being with a man who dresses in women’s clothes.

Josh expressed fantasies of him “doing” the trans woman and then her “doing” him. When I asked what else he liked about trans women beyond his ideas of what sex would be like, he offered very little.

“I like that I could take her out, wine and dine her,” he answered. “Then we’d come home and cuddle on the couch, with me in my lingerie.”

He mentioned nothing about what this trans woman might think, whether she might be intelligent, thoughtful, generous, kind, interested in world events, or interested in having children. Josh didn’t consider the amazingly admirable fortitude needed to go through what trans women do to align with what they know they are. In other words, he didn’t see his future partner as a person.

Still in the closet

When I gently explained more dimensions to trans women exist beyond where he focused, I felt him almost immediately become defensive. I explained how “shemale” and “transexual” were not the best terms, which he accepted. Then, changing the subject deliberately, I asked him what his friends and family thought about him wearing women’s clothes.

“Oh they don’t know,” he said. “They’d be devastated.”

“Why does that stop you from being who you authentically are and sharing that with them?” I asked.

He said he didn’t think he was being inauthentic by not sharing all of who he is. So I explained to him that so long as he wasn’t out and about about who and what he really is, and what he really likes, finding a match to what he wants will present challenges. I also suggested the way he talks about trans women indicates he isn’t quite ready to meet someone. Trying to do so, I suggested, would produce unhappy outcomes.

That’s when the conversation shifted for Josh.

Being on the down low (DL) indicates for the down low person that he harbors stories creating a reality he’d rather not have. But the DL person doesn’t know that, which is why he’s getting the results he gets, including feeling of shame and insecurity. (Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash)

Why women meet men like Josh

“Who do you think you are?” he responded. “You don’t know me.”

“I’m going off of what you’ve told me,” I said. “And what hundreds of men and trans women have told me.”

Josh didn’t like that. I suggested he had a lot of preconceived ideas about trans women. Those ideas, I tried to explain, would cause him more difficulty than satisfaction because he’s not a match to what he thinks he really wants, which is a loving relationship with someone who happens to be trans.

Josh told me I was not making sense, that I was not listening. Moments later he hung up.

Clearly these kinds of men exist. They are the kinds of trans-attracted men trans women meet a lot of the time. They aren’t ready to meet anyone seriously because they’re still trying to figure themselves out.

Experience often presents the best “figuring out” opportunity. Often that means meeting trans women via sex worker venues, or through dating sites. And, usually, that means men like Josh meet women who match who Josh is being.

That means a trans woman on equal story footing. Such trans women, like Josh, are unclear about what they want, insecure in their own self-acceptance, and harbor inaccurate stories about dating, what’s possible and what they want. In many ways, they’re transgender versions of Josh. So they’re perfect matches.

The best way, believe it or not, to meet your ideal match is becoming that which you’re wanting. That means seeing the best in everything you experience. That’s what telling the best stories is all about. (Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash)

Trans women don’t need Josh

Just because men like Josh exist doesn’t mean such men need be part of a trans woman’s experience. But they will when a trans woman harbors stories which make them a match to such men. If you’re trans and you think Josh is a “tranny chaser”, for example, that story tells me you’re on track to meet your Josh.

And yet, such men and the women they match with benefit each other. Through experiences with each other, a trans woman and such a man learns what stories need attention. It’s good knowing that because, if they don’t know what stories need attention, neither person fulfills their dreams. Particularly when it comes to relationships. Which is why many compromise.

So while men like this comprise many a trans woman’s nightmare, they can also be the best thing that happens to a trans woman. For in the experience the woman and the man stand in opportunity. Seizing that opportunity guarantees a new experience with better matches offering better opportunity.

Better matches don’t come guaranteed. People sometimes never get over their negative stories. That doesn’t mean you can’t be the exception because they’re always are. The question is: are you?

January 4, 2022November 22, 2021

Better Results Always Get Greater

I love knowing that life always gets better. Nothing beats that knowing other than seeing it happen. Seeing it happen is what makes telling the right stories so fun. Especially when it comes to trans-attracted love.

But people, especially in relationships, believe in “too good to be true” or, waiting “for the other shoe to drop”. They expect something negative is always out there. Something is always out there, especially in relationships, waiting to go wrong.

There’s never a need for “the other shoe to drop”. Unless, of course, you expect that. What a person expects, happens. So when I respond to questions from trans women or trans-attracted men about why their love life isn’t working, I always tell them it is working. They get exactly what they expect.

The reason why people think their love lives don’t work is because they don’t understand what’s happening. Often a person will think they’re expecting what they want. But actually, they’re doing the exact opposite. As one client recently described here on our YouTube Channel:

A client totally nails it…

So a person might think they’re expecting what they want, but aren’t. Then when what they want doesn’t happen, they’re oblivious as to why.

The power of momentum

Momentum creates everything. But one must understand which direction their momentum builds. Momentum can happen in the direction of what someone doesn’t want. But, when a person tells the right stories consistently, that focus creates momentum which ensures desired relationships. My housemate situation illustrated this perfectly.

For the last year, I’ve enjoyed two housemates matching perfectly my positive focus. A third moved in at the beginning of the year who started off looking like a match. But in short order they proved how unmatched they were.

So instead of focusing on those things not matching what I wanted, I instead did as I did before with previous mis-match housemate situations: I focused on what it would be like not having them there.

It was no wonder then this past summer this person announced they made other living arrangements. I knew that meant my housing situation would improve. So instead of thinking about how wonderful it was that this person soon would be gone, I focused on the next person and how great of a match – a better match – they would be.

My landlord reflects me perfectly

Since living here so long, I enjoy a great relationship with my landlords. We’ve seen renters come and go and we work well together screening potential applicants.

I can’t help infusing that process with my positive focus, which sometimes kind of gets on my landlord’s nerves, because it can look like I’m rather passive with screening applicants in a timely manner.

I know scarcity consciousness drives much behavior which looks like “responsiveness”. After all, if something offered to me is mine, it doesn’t matter how timely or not I respond. It’s mine. I bring this same approach to screening potential housemates: the right housemate in no way can be deterred from moving in. My stories drive what happens in my life. Not “responsiveness”.

But my landlord doesn’t know this. She believes “doing” makes all the difference. Including being responsive.

I love when my environment reflects back to me how I focus in the world. One day my landlord and I had an exchange over text that perfectly illustrated this. We differed on our approaches to filling the vacancy.

My landlord telling me how it is…and me, soothing her concerns.

Of course I didn’t want to further inflame differences between us, so while saying I’d defer to her approach, I kept up with my predominant focus on my stories rather than any action I take. 🤣

All beliefs proven “true”

When a person lives in the world of “doing”, that world confirms their beliefs. For example, my landlord believes her attention to detail, prompt comms and quick scheduling of viewings makes all the difference. But I know all that action pales in comparison to holding true to the knowing that the Universe handles all this and my action means very little in my life unfolding.

But if a person (like my landlord) believes action makes all the difference, that person’s life will confirm such beliefs as “true”. And in that truth, one better take prompt action or else.

Any belief believed long enough will produce corresponding realities proving that belief true. The problem with belief in actions as being predominant factors for desires becoming things is, when it comes to desires where you feel powerless to act, such desires seem impossible.

If I want a partner, and I don’t know what action to take to get her, the powerlessness I might feel indicates I have stories preventing me from getting what I want. “Action makes all the difference” could be (and often is) one such story.

Soothing such stories creates a life proving what my landlord says I know; that the Universe delivers. I trust in that because that’s what my stories have created a life full of. So I KNOW this to be.

My landlord doesn’t and that’s ok.

The uncanny proving itself

But then my landlord sent the following story which totally confirmed what she knew about me: the universe will orchestrate people out of the path who are not a match to what I want and deliver those who are:

I know our views, my landlord and mine, are more similar that she thinks. But her upbringing has her kind of focusing more in the “doing space” than me. That’s ok. Because days and several bad fits later, she sent another text:

Unstoppable coordination

It was a perfect unfolding. Joe first connected with my landlord for a room she had in her house, but the timing/match delayed that consummation so the unfolding would continue such that he became my housemate!

Right around the same time, one of my other housemates gave notice. She’s horny. 😂 And she needs privacy and room to…uh…entertain. So she’s finding a place where she can live alone.

Instead of being upset about that, I knew her moving out, as great a housemate as she was/is, means the next person is going to be even better. That has me feeling extremely positive about her moving out.

And that’s the key to everything. I could be disappointed and feeling loss at having a good fit moving out. I could also feel worried the next person won’t be as good.

But what good do such thoughts do? They only set up circumstances such that I get what I think about. So doesn’t it make sense to think about what I want, not what I fear?

I think so.

Having done that consistently enough through the years shows me, not only does it make sense, it always turns great results in to greater results. Just like I prefer it. And by the way, Joe moved in last Wednesday. He’s great!