Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:
I feel bad. I see myself in a similar situation in the future. I am just too scared to meet with trans women. And I have been denying this for years and dating cis-women.
I’ve sometimes seen profiles in dating apps that emerged between cis women and stayed there reading and wanting to swipe right on that trans girl, but ended up swiping left as my anxiety and fear would make things too hard.
At the same time I feel it’s unfair for the poor cis women I’ve dated in the past, although with some of them I’ve had a strong romantic attraction.
Jeb
Hey Jeb,
I once was there. I denied it for years. I didn’t fully embrace my trans attraction and let go of my fear and shame for a while. But then it got too unbearable not being fully myself.
I remember at the time dating a cis-girl. I went over to her house. She was the VP of an insurance company. Very smart. Pretty. Capable. Lovely.
But my desire for transgender women – which is a strong part of who and what I am – exerted itself. I felt great discomfort standing simultaneously in the reality where I was with this capable cis-girl, and the reality I knew was possible, a reality I call “having it all”.
So there I was, at her house. We were just chatting about nothing when all of a sudden, it came out of me. I blurted out “[her name], I can’t do this anymore. I love transgender women. I always have. I have to pursue that.”
I don’t remember what happened next. But I’m so happy I did that. The Transamorous Network, my current experiences…all of it…has come from that.
So really, my fear was more about being “out” about my trans attraction to myself than to others. Back then, my outer reality, the way I lived, matched my inner reality. I was miserable inside.
Now that those two are in synch I no longer feel fear or denial or misery. I feel the pleasure of integration and knowing, and confidence about the goodness of my desire.
You can have this too, Jeb. And you will. When you’re ready.
“This stuff makes no sense,” A transgender client said. “It totally illogical. How do you know this stuff works?”
This client’s frustrated outburst is part of the path. In only six weeks their relationship transformed, they’re feeling more comfortable in their skin, feeling happier and more excited about life. They’re now pursuing dreams of becoming a well-paid musician by taking practical steps in that direction. Their life: better, their mood: more positive, their experience of life experience: more fun.
Why did such a question come up despite all this evidence?
In a word: momentum.
For a while it is a roller coaster
When clients first start working with The Transamorous Network, they get excited. They see evidence of their life getting better everywhere. The more they alter their stories and perspectives, the more evidence they see.
At some point though, old stories reassert themselves. These old stories are living things, like everything else. They enjoy life energy they get when a person focuses their way. When a person stops focusing on old stories, they sort of push back. They don’t want to lose attention they once got.
When they push back, clients feel the negative emotion that comes with that. Momentum ensues and, before you know it, they forget evidence they created that excited them just days ago.
This is normal. It’s also why it helps having someone who’s walked the path and knows what to expect. That’s where I come in.
How do I know all this stuff works?
I know this stuff works because it’s working in my life. I know it works because my desires are coming true all around me. I know this stuff works because I feel excited about this work, I feel excited about life, about living, about trans women dipping in and out of my life. I’m excited because life feels so freaking great…and that’s because of this work.
In their frustration, this client couldn’t understand how I have insight to All That Is. They couldn’t understand how I speak so confidently about how the Universe works, how it’s designed by us to deliver all we want, and that life is supposed to be a positive adventure. They couldn’t understand how I could know something “limited human consciousness can’t possibly know.”
I told him the reason they can’t understand it is because they’re not yet where I am. I told them human consciousness is only limited when the human believes their consciousness is limited. The reason why I speak with such confidence, I told them, is because I’ve changed my stories, and my reality broadened to include awareness of the nonphysical world.
I have a third degree black belt in nine different martial arts. It took me about five years to get to that level. I once trained others in these schools. When I did, I spoke with the same clarity and confidence about that material as I do about “stories create your reality and here’s how.”
My “Menkyo” certifying my 3 black belts in 9 martial arts schools.
In the martial arts field, what separates my opinion from an opinion of a white belt, someone who is just starting or someone who has now experience at all? Experience, practice, knowledge and wisdom that comes from five years of personal experience with the material, with guidance from a 15 degree blackbelt who’s been training in this material over 35 years.
The same is true with this work. While others focus their attention on perhaps finding love, raising families, building careers, wealth and material satisfaction, I’ve focused my attention on epistemology and ontology using empirical methods applied across a wide variety of “spiritual” fields. I’ve been doing this at least since I was six.
Walking the path makes me an expert
So I am clear. I speak with confidence and clarity in this field in the same way I do in martial arts: I know because I’ve walked this path so long, I just know it.
The cool thing is, anyone can do what I do. With diligence and focus, anyone can have a life they love filled with everything they want and then show others how to get that. It doesn’t matter if you’re transgender or trans-attracted. Life is meant to be lived happily. Do that and you’ll have a happy life. The question is, how do you “do that”?
That’s what I know and what I show my clients.
By the end of our time together, this client was back in their usual happy space born from doing the work for 12 weeks. They thanked me as my clients usually do: by telling me they love me.
I understand who and what people are. I relate to them from there. When I do, they feel that. When they feel that, they can’t help but express love for me. I’m loving them after all.
Frustration: that’s part of the path at first. Because I know this, I don’t let doubts about my credibility shake my confidence. I do the work, which is why I know what I know. And that’s why I can help people create lives they love.
Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:
Transwomen are not women. I wish we would stop saying that. That is INAUTHENTIC! I’m not dogging the attraction to transgender MTF – I’m just calling a spade a spade. They are NOT women. Maybe calling them that makes them and the men attracted to them feel better. But, I’m sorry, as a natal woman, I can say unequivocally, they are not women. That being said, your article has helped me as my husband is transattracted and I have known for a long time that I can’t meet his needs. Thank you for validating that.
Marcia
Hi Marcia!
You’re welcome Marcia. Yes. My wife couldn’t meet my needs as well. That didn’t make her bad or wrong. That’s just what was. What I learned from my marriage was she was a wonderful clarifier of what I really wanted. So our marriage was good for me. Perhaps you can see from a standpoint of the love you feel for him, that benefit you offer your husband.
It’s interesting. I participate in a discussion group of varied gendered people. When talking with both trans “men” and trans “women”, they revealed that they find being among cis-women and cis-men, now that they have transitioned, as very challenging. They find cis-people (men and women) far more distinct from them than they originally thought. It’s challenging acknowledging the accuracy of what you’re saying though because many, many, MANY transgirls want so bad to find a place to “fit in” rather than finding satisfaction and joy in their own distinctness, being as something different from both man or woman. It’s not as homogenous as you would think though. For there are, indeed, some transgirls who acknowledge that they are not “women”.
It’s all about the stories people are telling, right?
Until that unwillingness to accept themselves goes away, it’s going to be challenging doing away with this conversation. Part of our work at The Transamorous Network is having people authentically embrace who and what they are. For some, it’s a very long road. Glad we could help you chart your path.
Mirrors are amazing things. We take their symbolic awesomeness for granted. Every day, we stand in front of our bathroom mirrors and miss the greatness they’re showing us.
In some cultures, mirrors are spiritual icons. They’re featured prominently in legends of all kinds. In Japan, for example, the mirror holds a prominent place in many household shrines. A mirror was one of three sacred objects given to Japan’s first emperor by the Sun Goddess Amaterasu’s grandson. Mirrors in ancient Japan represented truth because they reflected only what stood before them. They were a source of much mystique and reverence (being uncommon items) in that time. Today in Japan they symbolize wisdom.
I used to not make that connection when I visit my bathroom mirror. Not any more. After doing my business and washing my hands, I look in the mirror and see the center of the universe, the creator, looking back at me. I know through my stories I create the world I want to live in.
When you look in your mirror, what does it tell you? Does it remind you of your flaws, things about you that must be covered up or altered before you can comfortably greet the day?
Or does it remind you that you are the only one creating your life experience day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month, year-by-year into your glorious life experience? Is your mirror encounter positive or negative? What stories does it reflect back at you?
Mirrors can inspire your best. Or they can evoke stories about yourself that trigger shame, embarrassment, fear, insecurity. I wonder how many tell stories while standing in front of their bathroom sink which conjure the latter.
Telling stories that have us feel small and insignificant and fearful about ourselves is what makes us look outside ourselves, expecting others to come up with answers we need to feel good about ourselves, when all along, the answers lie in our stories, not theirs.
I have high standards. Some standards I hold even I don’t meet…yet.
I’m heading in that direction though.
These standards I also call my ideal stories. I have ideal stories about me, about life, about partners, that create my reality. I know, for example, that I am moving into greater financial abundance. I know abundance is more than financial or material, and so I already see evidence of “abundance” surrounding me already.
I am surrounded by beauty. That’s another story. I see beauty everywhere. Every morning I’m astounded by the beauty that is where I live. When the sun shines through my windows, it plays beautifully with shadows creating visual feasts for my eyes.
I know there are successful, independent, smart and beautiful trans women coming my way. This are my ideal stories too. These women (and yes, there are more than one) are all interested I me for what I represent to them. And so they find me as I find them: a perfect match.
I know I have created a life in beautiful California, my birth state. That’s another ideal story. I know I’m returning there with ease, grace and with so much financial abundance I can live in that state anywhere I choose.
And I know my days are filled with fun and play, with my clients, with my companies and with people working with me to influence better into the world.
These are some of my ideal stories.
Evidence abounds if you know how to see it
Some would say, “well where’s the evidence your stories are creating the reality you claim?”
My answer is, evidence abounds. But unless the person knows where to look and how to look, they can’t see the evidence. It also takes a while because, physical reality isn’t a magical reality. Things take time to turn from one thing to another. So evidence of my ideal stories “coming true” includes seeing old stories fading away.
Evidence combines old story evidence fading and ideal story evidence showing up.
For example, though I haven’t sought them out, I now am social media friends with quite successful trans women. I wrote before about transgender women I’ve met recently who are military company commanders, business owners and radio personalities. Recently, I’ve had the pleasure of interacting with financially successful, smart, witty trans women entrepreneurs from Europe and the United States too.
I know these conversations, these acquaintances evidence me moving towards high standards I have about life, my own prosperity and what I want in a partner. I also know tipping point is coming. I both feel it and see it.
I know soon my life experience will 100 percent match my ideal stories. The more my current life transforms to that, the more high-quality, beautiful, smart and successful trans women will show up.
In other words, I’m seeing results showing what I’m doing pays off. And I’m eager for more evidence. I’m not addicted to the final outcome though. Nor am I concerned about proving anything to anyone. I know, in time, evidence will be so great others will know it too.
Everyone deserves love in their life. Ideal love shows up when individuals match what they think is ideal. (Photo by JOSHUA COLEMAN on Unsplash)
Everyone deserves lives they love
Humans are supposed to have lives they love. I know this. I also know the trouble plaguing most humans is, they aren’t willing to allow the Universe to deliver lives they love. Instead, they try making that life happen through action, especially in romance.
Dating sites make tons of money off people trying to do what the Universe is doing for them, so they get in the way, blocking a natural process. I encourage my clients away from dating sites for several reasons. The biggest reason is, it’s more fun meeting one’s ideal match by first becoming a match to one’s ideal stories.
Every relationship someone gets into is a match to that person at the time. Knowing this, I prefer waiting until I become a match to my ideal partner so that my relationships are relationships with that kind of person instead of, say, someone who matches where I am right now.
Where I am right now isn’t bad. But I know where I’m going is going to be way better. So I’m willing to wait. In the meantime, trans women I meet are getting better and better in both quality and quantity, matching all the other changes indicating progress toward my high standards.
In the meantime, I’m happy being with myself, improving my stories, then watching as the world I create transforms to match my ideal stories, stories which will unequivocally create the life of my dreams.
Being happy, I don’t need patience. I don’t need proof because I see it everywhere. That’s why I’m not impatient. It’s a great place to be, seeing the world of my dreams emerge from my world right now, even while some people struggle against the world of what is.
The trans women I’m meeting are evidence, yes. But so is everything else. My life is great. I love what I’m becoming. I love who I am. I love what I have. I’m becoming a match to my ideal partner and so my ideal partner is coming to me.
