When A Performer Offers A Transgender Fan The Best Answer

Background photo by Claudio Schwarz on Unsplash

I love focusing only on positive things happening in the world. When I do that, my life orients into positive focus. I write about that on my other blog. Focusing that way, I get what I want in life. Life also shows me lovely examples of people loving people. Including cis people loving trans people.

This is what happened this past summer. Minding my own business, a good friend texted me. He knows I run The Transamorous Network and that I’m transamorous. He also knows I’m a major advocate for transgender people.

So I wasn’t surprised that he sent what he sent. What he sent was text from Nick Cave’s newsletter.

Now, Nick Cave is a well known performer. I wrote “performer” because he’s so good at so many artistic things. It’s no wonder he has so many fans.

Apparently, Nick includes in his newsletter correspondence he gets from his fans. What my friend texted me was an exchange between Nick and a couple fans. I loved reading it.

The exchange begins with a note from the fan, who is trans, and another message Nick apparently decided to answer at the same time:

How do you feel about your transgender fans or trans people in general? As a young trans woman, I’ve had equally positive and negative gender-related experiences with other fans of your work and stand curious as to where you stand on things.


What Enneagram number are you?


The response is so good

Nick’s response is touching, and his views are so spot on (except the concept of people being “broken”). Here’s his reply:

Dear Amelia and Sofía,

My Enneagram number is 8. I found the Enneagram to be an extraordinarily accurate personality test and my character is, indeed, a classic type 8. One of the chief traits of the type 8 is an exaggerated duty of care over people within their social group. For most 8s this usually extends to family, friends, work colleagues and so forth; as a performer, however, this concern for the wellbeing of others appears to extend to my fans. In essence, The Red Hand Files, for better or for worse, is a kind of unhinged expansion of that inclination – a weird paternal instinct toward my audience, gone berserk.

I also have another impulse, which I hope is more common, and that is to treat everyone with equal love and respect, regardless of their race, gender, sexuality, religion or anything else. I essentially see the world as a collection of individuals, each unique in their brokenness, who have at their core a common and binding sameness of spirit. So, Amelia, although I am slightly uncertain as to where I am supposed to stand on such things, or rather why I am supposed to stand anywhere, I will say this – I love my trans fans fully and wish them the best, as I love all my fans and wish them the best. I feel toward them that same duty of care that I feel toward all those who exist within my sphere. I also wish for them to receive every right inherent to them and for them to lead lives of dignity and freedom, devoid of violence and prejudice. I wish these things as I wish them for all people.

As a musician, it is a true privilege to stand on stage and watch a crowd of disparate individuals lost to the common, inclusive vitality that music offers; to observe people transcend themselves, united by that innate spiritual sameness that is buried beneath the condition of identity. It is deeply moving to witness and fully understand that each of us is uniquely strange in our individual personage, yet under the sway of some greater enfolding force we are as one. That is music’s great gift and revelation.

Love, Nick

People loving trans people is pervasive….normal actually

Nick’s perspective on trans people and people generally isn’t unique. It’s far more common than it appears. People railing against trans people are literally a vocal MINORITY. And since the majority of people feel much like Nick does, there’s no reason why any trans person must experience anything other than those kinds of people.

But if that person focuses on what the minority is doing and saying, not only will they experience such things, it’s likely other experiences in their lives run similarly. In other words, we move through a world of our creation. This explains my positive focus.

Focusing positively, my life fills with positive, joyful, happy experiences. Experiences such as getting this text from my friend. My clients, of course, get exactly similar results. Which I why I’m confident what I’m sharing works. I have evidence from my own life and my clients’ lives too.

Everyone gets exactly what they think about. So everyone’s experiences reflect their dominant thoughts. Think I’m blaming “victims”? That kind of thinking will make you a victim.

I don’t blame victims. I empower people who once were victims. In the process I amplify my own joy. It’s joyful seeing trans lives and the lives of those who love them improve.

Orient your perspective to see only the positive in life. Do that and watch your life get better. No matter how good it is right now, it can get better! Everything you want can be yours.

It takes a while. But that’s only because changing course takes a while. But the time it takes is well worth it. And while it’s changing, you’re having fun and experiencing wonderful synchronicities. Like connecting with a wonderful exchange between a famous performer and a fan, who happens to be trans.

Take charge of living a joyful life. If you’re ready, I can help.

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