Any transgender or trans-attracted person can live life with all their desires fulfilling themselves. No exceptions. Transamorous Network Clients know living that life requires attending to what creates life experience: one’s stories.
The good news: once someone examines their stories, while telling better-feeling ones instead of those they tell by default, evidence is immediately apparent. In other words, proof shows up right away, proving that telling positive stories works. You just need to know how to see the evidence.
In this video, long-term client Nadia describes what her life is like now after consistently telling stories that feel good. Listen her testimony. Listen how confident she is, how lightly she describes changes she’s made, just by telling positive stories.
You can have this life too. No matter how much your life might suck today, no matter how good your life is now, it can get better. And it’s easy getting there by working with the one thing creating your life experience. That’s the stories you tell.
My divorce and what happened next convinces me that stories create reality. Being trans attracted and married to a cis-woman can be painful for everyone. My marriage was no exception. But it also created the best circumstances for me which transformed my life for the better.
This is an awesome story about how I created my way out of a marriage inconsistent with who I was and into a life of happy authenticity, not only as a transamorous guy, but also as someone who positively benefits the world.
This story comes in three parts. Part one shares the awesome story of my divorce. Part two describes what happened next. Part three shows how I have created a whole new reality, one in which I focus all my time and joy on doing things I love, instead of working a job with a boss, a paycheck and the 9 – 5 grind.
Part one: the best divorce ever
I enjoyed being married because it forced me to focus on the only place unconditional love comes: from myself. Yes for a little while I struggled, but not with my trans-attraction. I was clear about that. What I struggled with were my own stories and expectations about relationships, love and belonging.
I married my wife even though she was looking to be with a woman and I was looking to be with a transgender woman. She said I was the answer to a spiritual process she completed in her church. Though we both knew what each other wanted was different than what we represented to each other, we married anyway.
To me, we didn’t marry for love. Our marriage was about spiritual growth.
My wife and I met online. After some months, it was obvious something was there. A sense of togetherness existed, but not really romance. It was a deeper connection, one more difficult to express, but not to experience.
My wife had many problems born of her family of origin, problems I believe she came into reality to become more through. I saw these and wanted to do my part, to play my role in that process. That’s why I married her.
We passed through the first few months in heady fantasy. I ignored obvious trouble signs, both coming from her and me. For my part, trouble felt like not being able to talk with her about my attraction because her issues dominated our relationship “air time”.
After the “honeymoon”, life together started showing stress.
I won’t go into details
That would be too long a post. One day I lay in bed contemplating my next moves after a failed start-up investment. My wife came in the bedroom, looked at me and said “you know, you’re not attractive when you’re moping around like this. Maybe you should spend more time with Law of Attraction.”
At the time I showed interest in that, but a passing interest at best. I didn’t really believe it. This was over five years ago. Little did I know my wife’s prodding began the best time of my life (so far) and that Law of Attraction would play a big part.
Not only did I heed my wife’s urgings, I dove head-first into it. I read Law of Attraction books, but only books written by the person who coined the term. Then I started studying works from Seth and Jane Roberts. Later, I encountered Ayahuasca, the plant medicine originating from Peru and now known around the world as a powerful antidote to trauma and other psychological issues. It also opens consciousness to enlightened wisdom and more.
And oh boy! Mother Ayahuasca didn’t disappoint!
Then came a series of high profile experiences with Law of Attraction, which I’ll write about much later.
Positively stories: the turning point
Many, many high profile experiences happened over ensuing years which, I think, caused my wife to feel jealous and resentful about what was happening. I don’t blame her, it was part of the process. But her resentment and my frustration in marriage widened the gap growing between her and I as I moved more towards my authenticity and she moved towards what she wanted. We both wanted different things, with different people. Our relationship gaped like the Mariana Trench.
Our non-existent sexual relationship dissatisfied her too. I ignored her dissatisfaction along with her complaints. We were well past the point of resolving that incompatibility.
Remember, we both knew I was trans-attracted and she was seeking a woman. There were no surprises in this arena. She complained about it more and more, though, I guess believing her complaints could resolve this fundamental difference. She complained to her friends and family. People who would hear her out. Over time, they convinced her that staying in the relationship was a bad idea.
Things got worse and worse (or better and better) for us both. Following specific instruction from all my sources – Aya, Abraham, Seth, and my own personal trinity – I interacted with her less and less. I told none of my friends or family what was happening, because I know sharing with others causes others to give their (mostly inaccurate) opinions about what is happening.
At one point, she invited me to an open marriage. I knew giving me permission tacitly gave her permission, which is what she really wanted. No biggie, I thought, it was a step in our marriage’s final countdown. As she found a semblance of sexual satisfaction from other men and I focused more on my Inner Being relationship, things came more and more to the wonderful outcome I didn’t expect, but at the same time I felt loomed.
An un-refusable offer
Finally, she gave me an ultimatum. I had to move out of her home where we lived. I wasn’t surprised. But I also hadn’t prepared at all for it. I had a small amount of money and no stable income. I had no place to live and roughly three weeks to find one. I had no car and very little other possessions.
But I was happy.
More happy than I had been in a long time. Even facing divorce, with few human friends and little else, I was happy and I had my Inner Being. I knew that’s all I needed.
By the time she gave her ultimatum, I knew anything was possible. I looked forward to that possibility along with great eagerness. Leaving my wife, at her strong suggestion, launched me on the glorious positive path on which I find myself today.
The reason why many transgender, trans-attracted and transamorous people have such a hard time meeting their matches is because they resist what they want.
A Transamorous Network client recently had an experience worth sharing. It not only shows how stories create reality, it also shows how, usually, trans and trans-attracted people don’t see connections between their stories and realities their stories create.
Not seeing those connections is why many transgender and trans-attracted people’s lives are so dismal, unsatisfying, lonely, depressing and more. Many such people feel powerless around doing something about such lives.
That’s why it’s important to know stories create reality. It’s also important knowing how to read the signs telling you what stories are creating what reality.
So let’s now turn to Selene’s story.
A transgender woman creates while not knowing she’s creating
Selene, who happens to be trans, came to her session in good spirits. She had a good New Year’s and Christmas, spent mostly at home with her family. The farm where she lives sits on cold, frozen farmland, but inside her home, good cheer, good food and family filled the space and warmed Selene’s heart.
That good cheer extended to her father, mother and sister, all of whom laughed and ate and opened presents together. Selene enjoyed a good family holiday. That mood continued days following Christmas.
Enjoying the holidays while being trans or trans-attracted is not as hard as you think. Click the photo to find out more. (Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash)
A couple days before her session, a customer entered the Starbucks where Selene works, ordered a drink, then took off his mask. He started drinking his beverage in the store. That behavior violated Starbucks’ COVID-19 policy.
Selene saw the customer and politely explained to him that, one, he couldn’t remove his mask while in the store and, two, he could not drink his beverage inside.
The man looked Selene up and down, then said “Are you trying to control what I’m doing sir?”
Then she heard her assistant manager behind her say “Sir, Selene is a woman, not a man. You must leave now.”
As the unruly customer turned to go, Selene added “It’s also illegal to retaliate against workers when they enforce statewide COVID policy.”
Not seeing the connections…until they’re seen
In her session a couple days after this experience, Selene wondered aloud why she experienced this. She thought such an experience wouldn’t happen since she’s been telling positive stories, evidenced by such a good holiday with her family.
Why did this unruly man enter her life experience? Why did she have such a confrontation? I remained silent.
A moment later, Selene started talking about something else. She thought she changed the subject. Little did she know, she was about to answer her questions herself.
Selene said she read an article on the internet. It described a new law now in effect in her area. It protects workers from retaliation when they enforce COVID-19 policies in their workplace.
After reading the article, Selene said, she liked the new law. She told me she thought about how cool it would be to have an experience where she could use it.
I looked at Selene silently. She got my look and smiled. It didn’t need saying, but I said it anyway:
“There is no mystery about this experience,” I said. “You were in your positive momentum of the holidays, feeling good, revelling in joy with your family. Then you read this article and felt confidence in the new information. Feeling confident, you declared wanting to use that law. So you created an experience consistent with your declaration: an opportunity to use it.”
Who comes into your experience depends on the stories you tell.
It’s obvious once seen
Life always shows how stories create reality. Most miss the connections, because they don’t believe that’s what’s happening. So when something happens now, they forget past nows wherein a story was told that creates the now happening.
Once you know how to see the clues, they’re obvious.
Here’s the formula using Selene’s example:
Selene felt wonderful from previous nows with her family. Those previous nows were born of work she’s been doing with The Transamorous Network for the last two years about her family.
In her wonderful feeling, she attracted a news story specifically about her work as a customer-facing employee. It’s likely Selene had an unexpressed desire to feel more protected at work around COVID and her gender. Thus her life experience revealed this news to her.
In the revealing, Selene felt better about her work as a customer-facing Starbucks employee. That confidence took it a step further: it had her express a desire for an experience matching that confidence, which would bolster said confidence.
Then she dropped the whole idea. She thought about it no further. She didn’t share the article. She forgot it until she brought it up in our session.
So, in only a few days, she got exactly the experience she wanted.
It always works this way…or it can
This is how stories always create reality. The reason why transgender and trans-attracted people have such a hard time meeting their matches, or getting anything they want, is because they resist what they want by focusing almost totally on what they don’t want.
They focus on sucky relationships they have or had. They focus on sucky relationships other trans or trans-attracted people share on social media. They think about tranny chasers, gold diggers and “hoes”. They are impatient with not having the relationship they want. They wallow in loneliness, yearning and sadness.
If instead transgender and trans-attracted people talked about positive things happening in their lives, about the positive aspects of relationships they DO have, about things they enjoy about their lives now, their lives would gradually include more of those things. And less negative people, experiences and circumstances.
Loving relationships aren’t hard to find. But if you think they are, then they are hard to find. The way out isn’t looking for loving relationships when you think they’re hard to find. The way out is changing your story about relationships.
Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:
Dear The Transamorous Network,
I think I just want to be loved for me and feel like I matter to someone. I have been invisible to the women I had been drawn to and treated like trash by those that I did have relationships with. I did meet a transwoman that I was very attracted to more than physically but the fear of being penetrated again (I’m a survivor of molestation) caused me to flee when the time came to get physical.
I’ve been in doomed relationships ever since. I feel I missed out on a chance to be happy with someone. I guess fear and dogma have a lot to do with why so many shy from these relationships. I’d try again with a transwoman if she made me feel safe in the relationship.
I love feminine bodies but have grown weary of ciswomen’s mind games. Which, I’m sure, makes me an asshole. We’ll.. that’s my rant.
Clifton
Hey Clifton,
Wow, there are a lot of stories you have going on in this “rant”. Have you read our content on our website? It would be helpful if you did.
Take, for example, the story “I’ve been in doomed relationships ever since”. How on earth are you to have a fun, enjoyable and fulfilling relationship with anyone (including yourself) if you believe every relationship is a “doomed” one? You can’t!
Another powerful story: “I feel I missed out on a chance to be happy with someone.” You can never miss out because there’s always another relationship on the way. And…each subsequent one is better than the one before it. But you can’t know that though if you “…feel I missed out on a chance to be happy with someone.” With that story, you only get what the story is creating: regret, loneliness and longing.
That sucks.
But life is supposed to be fun and full of fulfilled desire.
There are other even more unhelpful stories you’re telling here. All of them shape your experience. The good news is, you don’t have to have experiences tied to these stories. But you must stop telling these stories first, to have the other experiences. We show people how to do that.
More good news: you said “I guess fear and dogma have a lot to do with why so many shay away from these relationships”. That’s absolutely accurate. There are other reasons too, many of which apply to you. We can say that based on what you wrote here. But your slight awareness of what you have going on can lead you out of troubles you’re experiencing. It all begins with the stories you’re telling.
I know what I want, when I get it, makes me happy. I also know when I’m happy I set up more future happy moments.
But since every time I get what I want, I am happy, I can just be happy, even when I’m not getting what I want. I can be happy now, no matter what is happening.
This is the basis of our work at The Transamorous Network. I know when I put my happiness first, by telling stories about my life that make me happy, I put myself on a path to having a happy life. That’s because a happy life looks like feeling happy in every moment.
What happens in my life, when I’m not deliberate about choosing happiness, determines how I feel. But life doesn’t have to be that way. I can turn it around. I can choose to be happy, no matter what I’m experiencing, then experience good things always.
I know when I do that my life fills with happy experiences. I know this because I’ve tried it and it’s always worked out that way. I also know this because my Transamorous Network clients get exactly the same results. It’s a bit more complicated than that, but in a short while, I’ve created a life filled with happy experiences. So have my clients. I share these experiences in my other blog, Positively Focused.
So this holiday season, I appreciate what I’ve realized: That life is happy when I am happy. And the happier I am, the more my life shapes to my happiness. In my happiness, I don’t need my life to change. But because I’m not focused on my life needing to change, because I’m not telling stories about how bad my life is, my life changes.
It’s a paradox but it’s true.
I’m grateful for what I’ve discovered. And I’m loving seeing transgender people and trans-attracted people who have come to me seeking relief from their self-loathing, insecurities and shame, find relief and more, simply by telling better stories.
I appreciate knowing life is supposed to be fun, joyful and filled with fulfilled desire. I appreciating having such a life. And I appreciate sharing what I know with others, then seeing their life turn out that way too.
