Category: Transamorous men

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Trans-Attracted Men: Don’t Hate On Your Love

The Transamorous Network
The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy.

Dear The Transamorous Network,

I’ve been on the site and after I put a reply to the topic of being trans attracted while being married, I looked at some earlier exchanges, most notably from two cisgender women who are wives of men who are trans attracted. Their responses were striking. It made me question my place in this community because I do not share some of the sentiments. Yes, I do have the shared attraction to trans women, however I am not in a situation where my wife doesn’t fulfill my needs. Nor do I compare my wife to trans women. My attraction to trans women is just that, an attraction. I’ve noticed this about myself, however I have no desire to act on it. I also have an attraction to Asian women and have for years, however again, I have no desire to act on that either nor do I compare my wife to Asian women. I do not judge the men who feel differently and I do not consider myself any better than them, but I am beginning to question as to if this is the right community because my opinion on this matter may not be received well. I feel that some may jump to the conclusion that I may be in some moral high ground based in religion, however that couldn’t be farther from the truth because I am an Atheist and proud to be. My opinion about this topic is MY opinion and I wouldn’t want anyone to perceive that everyone should feel the same way. It’s just that I’ve been on the receiving end of comparison by someone that I’ve trust my heart to and it only adds to the self-hatred. So I totally empathize with [The women] from [the comments section] and I feel bad that they are going through what they are describing. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Austin

Dear Austin,

Thanks for your letter/email. Yes, the responses from cis women who discovered their husbands were/are trans attracted are striking. No doubt about that. That said, their comments have nothing to do with or have anything to say about whether or not you have a “place” in the “community” that is The Transamorous Network.

Just because there are divergent opinions doesn’t mean one opinion is better than the other. Nor does it mean that one opinion gets to say whether or not another opinion belongs. You have contributed greatly to the conversation and I would encourage you to continue to do so.

Who cares if somebody jumps to the conclusion that you have some sort of moral high ground? Isn’t that their story? That has nothing to do with whether you actually do or not. Or whether you believe you do or not.

What people are going through is what they’re going through. The women complaining about their husbands likely have a lot more happening than their men being trans-attracted.

What they’re going through is a result of the stories they are telling themselves. Period. There’s no doubt in my mind that both woman knew what they were getting into at some level. It may not have been conscious of it, but they knew. That’s because everyone is a match to whoever they’re meeting. If this weren’t accurate, then what I share with clients would not work.

But what I show my clients does work, 100 percent of the time. So it must be accurate that wives of trans-attracted men, at some level, knew about their husband’s trans attraction.

The fact that they are blaming their husbands just shows how much they continue concealing what they knew from themselves.

Stick around. Or not. Either way do it from an empowered place, not from feeling you must leave because others aren’t happy with what you share.

TTN

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Cheating With T-Girls Now Puts You At Great Risk

Photo by Andrew Itaga on Unsplash

If you’re married, trans-attracted, and sexing up transgender women on the side, you might be putting you and your marriage at great risk. That’s because while The Transamorous Network doesn’t ruin marriages, someone in the transgender community does.

Yours could be next. 😱

In the last six months, I got calls from two different people I normally don’t get calls from. The first call came from a distraught father in the midwest. He worried about his estranged son, who went dark over a year ago. Apparently, his son moved to Oregon (where I live), got in trouble with the law and wasn’t in a good place.

I asked the father how he heard about this and why, on earth, he called me…

The other call came from a wife here in the Northwest. She called twice back-to-back during a client session. After my client, I returned her call. She was raging angry. Apparently she discovered her husband cheated on her with transgender women for years.

This call felt more connected with Transamorous Network practice compared to the father conversation. Still, mild surprise had me ask her how she got my number…

Cheating trans-attracted men put on blast

Both the father and wife answered my question the same way. They each got a letter.

Each letter, addressed specifically to the father and wife, detailed the son and husband’s involvement with transgender women. The hand-written letters told, in first person details, about the son’s and husband’s trans-attraction activities. Only someone intimately involved with them would know details shared.

In the father’s case, the letter said something like “your son sleeps with trans women, you need to accept that so he’ll accept it too.” The letter addressed to the wife described the husband in unsavory terms and included details about his dalliances I’d prefer not describe.

Far more shocking though was what both letters shared. Both concluded with references to The Transamorous Network and my telephone number. No return address. Both recipients thought we sent the letter.

We did not.

A Transgender caped crusader or vigilante?

What’s going on here? A transgender woman, or group maybe, outs men to their families and spouses after sharing beds with them. The men seem oblivious, the partners and families feel shocked and saddened. Marriages start unraveling, angers soar (mostly among wives).

I don’t blame the wives. Were I in their shoes, I’d be pissed too!

If you’ve read our blog comments section, you know more wives show up nowadays expressing rage, frustration and judgement about everything about their husbands’ cheating. The good news: these marriages weren’t going to last anyway. The men clearly are trans-attracted. And while a few men can remain cis-married and trans-attracted, most must reconcile their attraction and marital status.

Still, I must ask: Who has it out for these men? Did a group of transgender women start collaborating to out these DL men? Or has one transgender woman resolved to teach them a lesson by destroying their families?

Maybe she or they have had it with DL men. Perhaps they think blowing up marriages creates a big enough shock to get men to own their natural attraction in the open. It’s not an approach I endorse.

And why include The Transamorous Network in all this? For sure, both married men and wives can benefit from what we do. In fact, I’ve already supported one woman (not the one who called recently) seeking advice on next steps with her trans-attracted husband and marriage.

What’s my role in all this?

Both incidences involved men in the Northwest. So it’s likely the trans-vigilantes, fed up with men on the DL and determined to punish these men, operate in the Northwest. Or, they might be nationwide.

Who knows?

One thing’s for sure: Neither me nor The Transamorous Network knows who these transgender women are. We also didn’t give them permission to use our contact information. But we must say two things about this: one, it’s good for business, as the angry wives call us looking for answers. We can help in that regard.

So it was smart referring these people to us.

Second, At least these vigilantes are giving the couple a resource that could dramatically change everyone’s life for the better. Including the vigilantes.

So men – you’ve been warned. Beware. Before you put your pee pee in that hole think about that ring on your finger. Looks like now, if you’re cheating on your cisgender wife, the risks of you getting outed just went up.

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When You Suspect Your Husband Is Trans-Attracted

The Transamorous Network
The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy.

Dear The Transamorous Network

I am married to a man who has had sexual encounters with trans women. He says it was out of curiosity and he has satisfied that curiosity but I find that hard to believe.

Later, he admitted that he thinks he may still harbor that attraction. I’m not sure how to feel about it. I have so many questions. I don’t want to push him into a conversation about it because I need him to come to terms with it without me forcing him to.

I love him very much, but I think that his attraction is not fleeting and he is only suppressing it. I haven’t made a decision on the future of our relationship since for me, there is so much more I want to know. There isn’t much information I have been able to find on these interwebs and I have no one to discuss this with since he doesn’t want anyone to know. Ladies that have experienced this, I feel your pain, but in no way do I believe his attraction to trans women is a reflection upon me. You offered to have a private conversation with another commenter and wondered if you would be willing to extend that to me as well.

Yolanda

Hey Yolanda,

Yes, anyone can contact me for a free initial conversation.

It’s awesome, and a testament to your capacity for loving, that you bring curiosity instead of judgement and anger to your husband’s struggle. It’s important that wives of trans-attracted men realize what you already know:

  1. That trans-attraction says NOTHING about you as a female, your desirability or anything else about you. It is all about the guy.
  2. That your husband likely has struggled with his trans-attraction for a very long time.

Both of my clients who are married, married their wives knowing full well they were trans attracted. In one case, the guy didn’t want to lose what he thought was a marvelous woman. I’m sure his wife IS marvelous, but marrying someone in fear that if you don’t, you’re going to lose them not only is scarcity thinking, it’s also extremely invalidating to the person you’re marrying. You’re not giving that person a chance to know who you really are and who – exactly – are they marrying?

Trans-attraction is serious business. It’s not something to think about casually. It’s not going to go away. Though some men – including some who contribute comments to this blog – are fine with their attraction while being married to females, most can’t handle the personal dissonance.

Scarcity thinking is rampant. Does a female (a cis-woman) really need to feel she must stick with someone who naturally isn’t attracted to her? Must a trans-attracted man really “settle” for something that doesn’t match what he is attracted to? In both cases, the answer is a resounding NO.

You can have any kind of lover you want!

No matter how long a female has been married to someone, there is always someone else coming who will love them as well or better. That’s just how the Universe works!

I don’t blame people for all the scarcity thinking though, the fear that has them act now, but then later down the line have to deal with consequences of acting in fear. Because if you don’t know how the Universe works, the world can be a very scary place. Especially in the realm of relationships.

Sounds like you don’t have those fears Yolanda. That’s why I’m eager for our conversation!

TTN

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Why A Passable Trans Girl Might Not Make You Happy

Let’s face it: not every transgender woman is passable. But that needn’t pose problems for trans women or trans-attracted men. In fact, it can be the best thing ever for both parties, if both parties get over stories blocking the best relationship ever. At The Transamorous Network we show people how to get over those stories.

Tiffany sure gets it. She’s a Transamorous Network client and last week we concluded in a recent 1:1 session of hers that trans-attracted men and trans women both struggle over many common stories. Stories about trans-attracted men, masculinity, femininity, passing, topping and desires both transgender women and trans-attracted men share.

For example, it seems some trans-attracted men want what some trans women don’t want. Is that true? Or is there more to the story?

We enjoyed exploring those and many other answers. Sharing them might open some minds so we included takes in a shortened session video.

Trans-attracted men – lets get real

Take note my brothers. If you believe you can’t find a trans woman who will be with you, you’re right. Such beliefs keep you from getting what you want.

In other words, if you believe you can’t find a trans woman who will be with you, then what you want, and what you believe conflict. That conflict leaves you stuck in perpetual frustration.

The way out involves finding harmony between what you believe and what you want.

The trouble is, most trans-attracted men won’t reconcile what they want and what they believe. So they struggle…alone.

Bro, if you want that beautiful transgender woman, you gotta reconcile your resistance and your desire. There are plenty of trans women out there who will give you exactly what you want. Mainly because they enjoy it too.

Trans-attracted men don’t want what they want.

But if you think you’re going to find a super-passable trans woman, who also will top you with their penis…if they got one…good luck with that. We explain why in the video above.

Getting what you want is impossible if you’re looking for something that contradicts what you believe. Yet so many men do exactly that. They look for something in total contradiction with what they believe. Then complain when they can’t find what they want.

The trans woman you want is not going to be one waging chemical warfare on their testosterone. Not if you want her topping you. And most really passable trans women get that way by blocking hormones responsible for topping behavior.

The good news: you can get what you want in love and get it through a trans girl. But you must be willing to give up something: either your desire…or your belief.

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Happy Stories Make Wonderful Cis-Trans Relationships

Photo by Christopher Beloch on Unsplash

I love it when my clients send messages between sessions showing they’re putting what they learn from The Transamorous Network to practice. It’s even more fun seeing them getting awesome results.

I think any transgender woman would love loving a guy like my client DW. Recently DW met a trans girl who is a perfect match to what he’s asked for. She’s happy, smart, well spoken, hot (to him), fun, playful, and likes that he’s been totally transparent about what he wants.

Of course, that transparency comes from learning to tell positive stories, seeing results from doing that and therefore gaining confidence in being transamorous. Telling such stories, DW knows, made him a perfect match for Kim (not her real name). That’s why DW and Kim spent hours together via text, then on the phone, then on video every day early on.

“We can’t call each other spontaneously,” DW said. “Because we know we’ll spend hours together. We have to schedule our calls instead.”

Cute.

Transamory means owning one’s stories

After excitedly talking about Kim one session, DW sent a wonderful text message. The message showed not only how consciously and deliberately DW is implementing what he learned in his sessions, it shows how great the work works!

Clients learn, in session, how stories create reality. When they see evidence proving this statement true, clients, knowing what they learned, get excited. Seeing the work work is intoxicating. Especially when it comes to catching one’s old stories, doing something productive about them and seeing positive results.

Such acts also create empowerment, enthusiasm and joy where there might have been insecurity, shame, fear or frustration. DW’s text perfectly shows this in action. Check it out:

Joe catches his negative story (about himself) in action, then diffuses it like a boss!

It’s never about what it’s about

Bad behavior seems to happen in reaction to what someone observes. It might be something someone says or does, how they look, or maybe even something they don’t do that triggers bad behavior.

“Bad behavior” doesn’t have to be physical action. It can be subtle. Like DW here feeling himself pull away. You can bet at spiritual levels Kim felt that too, although she probably didn’t consciously register it.

But whenever someone “reacts” they’re not reacting to what’s happening. They’re reacting to their story about what’s happening. That’s why most people think their lives consist of random event patterns, some good, some bad, with a preponderance of one or the other. They think their life (their creation) is out of their control. So when they react they think they’re reacting to something out of their control.

When a person learns they’re creating their reality, they learn they control what happens to them. They learn to catch the “creation” early – like DW is doing above. Doing that, they realize they have far more control over their life than they thought. Including their dating life.

People literally can create any reality they want. Unless they think that’s impossible. But, “that’s impossible” is a story. A story creating realities matching it.

See how it works?

You get what you tell stories about

That’s why I say to everyone stories matter. What one thinks about is what they get whether wanted or not.

Understand this, do something about it and watch life how how well it works.

Seeing that, life gets fun. A person can’t help becoming happy. Like DW here. The more that happens, the more life will bring more things matching that happiness.

Each life is each person’s oyster. The question is what are individuals doing with their lives? For my clients, they’re creating their best lives. You can too.