Category: Self-love Acceptance

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Life Gives You What You Are

Life is Faithful blog

Hate and you will experience hatred. Hate enough and you will be hated. Whether you’re trans, non-trans, or any combination. It works the same for everyone. Just because you’re trans, or even trans-attracted and vilified or discriminated against, doesn’t entitle you to hate in return. Hating harms you more than it does those hated.

Discriminate and you will experience discrimination. Discriminate enough and you will be discriminated against. What comes first, the discrimination? Or the stories of unworthiness that match you with those who discriminate? Does your being discriminated against merit you discriminating against others? Not seeing yourself as inclusive does more harm to you than those you try to exclude.

Attack and you will have to defend. Attack enough and you will be attacked back, banned and shunned. The world tells you that you have to defend if you are attack, and, optimally, you should attack back if you’re attacked. But that only increases experiences in which an attack or a defense is necessary. Have you noticed?

Be angry and you will experience anger. Be angry frequently enough and you will not know peace. It’s easy to react angrily, especially if you aren’t clear about what your stories are. Knee-jerk angry reactions are always saying more about the angry person than the person one supposedly is mad at.

There is freedom in loving, and peace in being happy. When you are happy, loving and inclusive, you discover a world that reflects all that back to you. Everything you are wanting exists in the world where you are constantly happy. Freedom from hate, discrimination, attacking, anger and more. All that’s required is that you commit to being happy, then practice that.

It’s not to hard to figure. Unless you’re wrapped up in stories which make the figuring, at least for now, impossible. Eventually, though, you’re going to get it. And when you do your life will give you everything you’re trying to have by hating, discriminating, attacking and being angry.

Life gives you what you are. It makes sense then, to simply be happy.

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An Open Letter To The Alleged Trans-Attracted Alex Jones

Info wars press kit AJ Transattracted letter FB blog
Photo: INFOWARS Press Kit

Dear Alex,

You’re invited to take a bold, positive step in your life. A step that could literally change the course of society in the United States and elsewhere.

No, we’re not suggesting you end you “war” against whatever you think needs to be fought.

It’s much more personal than that.

It has come to our attention that you yourself revealed your own deep secret: Seems as though you find transgender women sexually alluring. Maybe even attractive.

We know a lot of men who may be like you. We know, as many others do, that those who express hate towards people often harbor some deep affinity for those very same people. So it was no surprise to us that last Saturday, you may have revealed to the world your own appetite for transgender porn.

We know very early-stage trans-attraction manifests as a secretive fascination for transgender people. This is often expressed as an indulgence in transgender porn and is often accompanied by feelings of titillation and excitement followed by deep self-loathing, embarrassment and shame.

We know this emotional mix is often a potentially incendiary combination for men you may share this attraction with: Many times trans-attracted men in early stages revert to violence against the very women they harbor a secret love for.

In a real way, that’s what you are doing when you speak about transgender women the way you do.

We know the reason men like you – men like us – resort to deeply burying their trans-attraction in shame and repressed feelings, is because family, friends and society at large convince us to believe attraction to transgender women is perverse, unnatural, wrong and, in your own words [paraphrasing] “could end society as we know it.”

Thankfully, we know, the opposite is true: love for transgender women has the potential to radically reshape society: for the better.

So you have a powerful opportunity in what we’re sure you think is a terrible, embarrassing mistake.

Often, such events can be amazing turning points.

We are inviting you to come out of the closet. Join the growing number of men (and women) who are not willing to let society shame them for what they naturally know: transgender women are attractive and worthy of love.

If you need someplace to sooth your shame, we offer two options:

  1. Start following our work. We offer a LOT of content to help men like you come to grips with their trans-attraction. The men we have interviewed and helped (as well as the transgender women) attest to our effectiveness. Transforming your trans-attraction into transamory would be an amazing shift in your approach to save the world. Particularly with your status among your viewers/believers. Imagine what could come of that. Yes, your potential income may take a temporary hit, but is all that money really worth the internal hatred you are harboring? What if your income increased as a result of your coming out?
  2. Join our collaborating organization, The Trans Supportive Brotherhood, on Facebook. Here, a small but growing number of men participate in online asynchronous conversations, sharing their trans-attraction experience in a supportive, safe, anonymous environment.

Another option: get some counseling.

We’re not big fans of that route, but we know a lot of people benefit from it. You could too.

You’re in good company Alex. There are a LOT of men who share your attraction. There is no shame in it. If you could own your own attraction, and change the tenor of what you talk about transgender people, you could literally save lives.

Thanks for reading. See you in the Trans Supportive Brotherhood.

Perry Gruber, Founder, The Transamorous Network

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Alex Jones: Trangender Porn Connoisseur?

Info wars press kit AJ Transattracted FB blog
Photo: Info wars press kit

It’s no surprise to us that Alex Jones, infamous hate monger and social media exile, also appears to be trans-attracted.

According to this first and original report the transphobe, alt-right, conspiracy purveyor, was caught red-handed, when he, himself inadvertently revealed in his browsing history, a transgender porn site. Today, four days later, more sites are beginning to announce the story, including The Independent.

Screen Shot 2018-08-27 at 10.47.17 AM

Sharp viewers caught the slip and now…we’ll we know what happens next.

The reason we’re not surprised by this is because often, the most virulently opposed people  are often projecting their own self-loathing onto that which they are. The fact that Jones has, on many occasions, derided transgender people indicated to us long ago that he was likely trans-attracted.

History is replete with people like this. People who are against gay people, and yet are gay themselves has been a recurring theme among conservatives. It’s not any different with early-stage trans-attraction.

This should be an indicator to you, transgender community.

When you are railing against someone who hates you, there is likely something going on in that person that that person doesn’t have access to while you push back against their hate. Hating Alex Jones or any other closeted trans-attracted person, leaves no room for that person to own who they really are. Instead, it pushes them deeper into the closet and more stridently against you.

Often – probably more often than you realize – someone’s hatred of you is a cry for help: for understanding, for acceptance. It’s exactly the same for racists.

The transgender community can be the better side of the argument for transgender rights by releasing its own hatred and defensiveness for people like Alex Jones.

That’s what we’re doing at The Transamorous Network.

Sometimes the most powerful act is to turn the other cheek, meaning, let go of your unnatural inclination to hate back.

The result will surprise you. And make room for more people to confirm that loving you as a whole person –– whether you have a penis or a vagina –– is as natural as anything else.

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Transgender, Trans-Attracted…And…Over 50

Find love FB blog

Once when visiting The Philippines, I spied a man –– probably in his sixties –– who was walking hand-in-hand with a woman. Not only was this woman less than half his size (and a quarter his girth), she was clearly a quarter his age.

Now I don’t have any issue with people dating whoever they want. That’s not the point.

The point is, while some transgender women may think all trans-attracted men are looking for relationships with young transgender women –– significantly younger –– there are trans-attracted and transamorous men out there who would prefer a transgender woman from the same generation.

And, guys, there are transgender women of mature age looking for guys their age too.

I know for sure this is the case, because both groups are writing me emails.

And while it’s probably ego-boosting, guys, to think about being with a very young transgender woman for the sex appeal perhaps, or the beauty maybe, listen up.  A long term, meaningful relationship that isn’t based on some kind of unstated, commercial exchange, is more likely with someone who has some life experience. Someone with common beliefs, and, likely, common desires.

In other words: someone whose stories match yours.

It’s highly unlikely a 58 year old’s and a 20 year old’s stories are going to match.

Unless, again, a commercial exchange is the story bringing two together. After all, there are plenty of older men out there willing to pay for the company of a younger woman. Including a transgender woman.

Happens all the time, right?

 

I’ve commented on social media accounts featuring transgender women asking moderators how come they don’t feature older transgender women.

I haven’t got a response from any of them.

hearts

I speculate mature, senior transgender women are likely too busy living their lives to post as regularly as young ones do on social media. Perhaps young transgender women who are prominent on social media find telling their stories on social media as natural. About as natural as, say a senior transgender woman sharing her stories in person.

Maybe.

Whatever the case, middle-age and senior transgender women’s and trans-attracted men’s relative absence online may cause these groups to think their matches aren’t out there, when, actually, there are lots of women in that age range. And guys too.

Interestingly, research by UCLA’s Williams Institute found that there are almost as many elderly transgender people as young. The study estimated that 0.5% (or one in every 200) of Americans aged 65 or over identified as transgender, compared to 0.7% among 13- to 24-year-olds.

So there are bound to be transgender women of all ages in your town.

Same goes with trans-attracted/transamorous men.

And remember, guys (and gals), you only need one.

It’s not surprising older men (and many older transgender women) who write us ask “is there anyone out there for me?”

That’s why we don’t encourage online dating, cruising social media or trying to find your partner anywhere other than in your hometown. Or at least nearby. But always in person. Because online dating can be brutal to one’s positive stories.

CNN recently featured a story about a person who is photographing and chronicling the joys and struggles of senior-age transgender people (yes transgender men as well). I loved stumbling onto this article because it confirmed for me there are transgender people of all ages out there.

You don’t have to settle. You can have what you want.

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Can Trans People Oppress The Majority?

Andrei Lazarev Opression FB blog
Photo: Andrei Lazarev

It can sure feel that way. But when the majority feels oppression, you’re winning.

Hear them:

“Seriously, what’s going on? Where are all these people coming from claiming there is something more than “man” and “woman”? Don’t they realize they sound delusional?”

So go the thoughts of those whose world view depends on immutable “Laws” about “reality”.

“Immutable” means “unchanging over time. Fixed, carved in stone, permanent or rigid”.

None of those words can be applied to life or being human. Both are forever changing and evolving for the better. Diversity is the norm. The more the better

And there’s no limit on what that diversity will look like.

People who need a “rigid” “unchanging” reality are deeply ensconced in fear and insecurity. They have lost the flexibility of their childhood, where reality was much less “hardened” than the adult world.

When something from outside that hardened world view meets that hardened-ness head on, the jarring feeling, the discomfort people who don’t understand being transgender feel, triggers reactions remarkably similar to those attributable to racist behaviors triggered from white fragility.

White fragility is defined in an excellent 2011 research paper written by Robin DiAngelo for the International Journal Of Critical Pedagogy, aptly titled “White Fragility”.

White Fragility is a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves. These moves include the outward display of emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and behaviors such as argumentation, silence, and leaving the stress-inducing situation. These behaviors, in turn, function to reinstate white racial equilibrium. Racial stress results from an interruption to what is racially familiar.

This would be a great definition for “Anti-Gender-fluidity Fragility”. Something I just made up 🙂

Replace “racial” with “gender”:

“Anti-Gender-fluidity Fragility is a state in which even a minimum amount of gender stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves. These moves include the outward display of emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and behaviors such as argumentation, silence, and leaving the stress-inducing situation. These behaviors, in turn, function to reinstate cis gender equilibrium. Gender stress results from an interruption to what is with regard to gender, familiar.”

Interesting, isn’t it?

We could even go so far as to say Anti-Gender-fluidity Fragility, in extreme cases, results in attempts to coerce and control: humiliating, threatening, being aggressive towards and even waging violence against those perceived to threatened a hardened world view, i.e. transgender people.

Isn’t that what we’re seeing today?

What this means is, there is nothing personal about a non-trans person becoming hostile or trying to censure transgender people’s rights. They’re just acting out of extreme insecurity as they are confronted with circumstances outside their comfortable world views or stories.

In other words, they are scared.

And when a person who is used to being in control feels scared long enough, they find ways to ameliorate that fear. In most people unaware of their stories, “control” means trying to manipulate things (situations, laws, who can use which bathroom) and people (kicking them out of the family, for example).

But it can also including appropriating the victim role even though they enjoy privilege of [gender] acceptance.

A lot of people have said it: “When you’re used to privilege, equality feels like oppression.”

The cool thing is, as history has always shown, actual oppression waged by the majority on a minority usually causes the cause of the minority to win.

Are you prepared to win? Don’t worry, when you do, they will too. But not in the way they think.

HT to this guy’s experience