Category: Self improvement

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How To Overcome The One Thing Creating Sucky Lives, Trans or Trans-attracted

Photo by Hailey Kean on Unsplash

A common experience among newer Transamorous Network clients is “split energy”. Here’s why resolving split energy is not only important, it can be a joyful process and create a life worth loving.

But first, let’s look at what split energy is, why it happens and why so many transgender and trans-attracted people don’t know about split energy and thus struggle with it.

What is split energy?

Split energy happens when belief and desire conflict with one another. It can also happen when a person stands in two different, opposite stories at the same time.

For example, a trans-attracted man might want a transwoman as a partner. That’s a story creating certain desires and impulses. But that same man might have a story saying transgender women are actually men, or, that being attracted to transgender women makes him gay.

He might also believe (a belief is a story) that giving up his marriage (to a cisgender woman) in order to be with a transgender woman would be too great a burden to bear.

Split energy means having a foot in two different camps, or telling stories that conflict with desires. Split energy often feels like confusion, uncertainty and anxiety. (Photo by Sherise VD on Unsplash) The Transamorous Network
Split energy means having a foot in two different story camps, or telling stories that conflict with desires. Split energy often feels like confusion, uncertainty and anxiety. (Photo by Sherise VD on Unsplash)

One client, for example, believes transgender women are not serious about having a serious monogamous relationship, so he only meets transgender women matching that story. Meanwhile, he believes his wife can’t live without him and if he divorces her, she’ll fall apart. It’s no wonder he feels anxiety, stress and indecision about his trans-attraction, born of split energies of wanting a transgender woman, believing they’re just fantasies, and needing to stay with his wife.

Those examples show how a man might have split energy. What split energy might a transgender woman have?

She might have a story that she wants to be with a man, yet believes all men who desire her are perverts, scum, or “chasers”. Or she might have the story that she can’t get a job because she’s trans, but also wants a job. So the men she meets are perverts and scum, and she remains unemployed, struggling and alone.

It should be obvious split energy also happens when someone has a desire they don’t believe is fulfillable. They don’t think their desire can happen. Desire existing alongside disbelief creates split energy too.

Why it’s a struggle

Many people struggle with split energy while not knowing they’re struggling. They think negative emotions indicating split energy – confusion, feeling uncertain, anxiety, insecurity and more – are just part of life.

But life is supposed to be fun, easy and filled with desires that fulfill themselves. Actually, that’s what’s happening all the time, even for someone with split energy.

But a person with split energy creates over and over, the reality containing and reflecting back to them, the combination of their split energy. That’s why nothing seems to change for the person, or why things change, but often stay the same or get worse.

In other words, life SUCKS when split energy dominates.

It’s more common than you think

Many popular communities generate split energy situations. Religions are a major culprit. Religions as sometimes practiced, contradict beliefs that are normal, wholesome and good. But some people in these organizations, especially trans-attracted and transgender people, but not only such people, create split energy when their natural, normal, wholesome desires contradict religious doctrine.

My clients who are Christian or Jewish struggle with stories taken from their religion. Their religious upbringing keeps them feeling unworthy, fearful, in shame, and in self reproach because religious teachings do not allow or agree that certain desires are natural, normal, wholesome and good.

The Transamorous Network
A major source of split energy are religions combined with an authentic self at odds with religious doctrine. (Photo by Dejan Livančić on Unsplash)

I know some people practicing religion-inspired beliefs do not have that experience. I’m not saying that religion is bad across-the-board. So if you are a believer, a Christian or a Jew, and you’re happy, then enjoy your happy life. 😌

People who do come to me seeking what I offer, who also have backgrounds in religion, struggle at first with split energy generated from their desires and their religious beliefs.

You are god in a human body

For example, it’s very difficult for a Christian or a Jew to believe they are God in a human body creating reality as they move through life.

It’s difficult for some Christians to accept that they can fulfill all their desires, especially desires Christianity tells them are sinful or bad or will send them to hell.

Clients brought up in religion literally have one foot in their religious beliefs, and another foot testing the waters of something they know holds promise. They want their desires, but their religion says their desires are “sinful”. That’s split energy born of conflicting stories.

My mentor adds a beautiful dimension to all this:

“Continuing to tell stories of [for example] shortage only continues to contradict your desire for abundance, and you cannot have it both ways: You cannot focus upon unwanted and receive wanted. You cannot focus upon stories about money that make you feel uncomfortable and allow into your experience what makes you feel comfortable. A different story will bring different results: My thoughts are the basis for the [fulfillment] of all things that I consider to be good, which includes enough money, and health, for my comfort and joy.”

– Abraham

Other split energy sources

Religion isn’t the only source that can create split energy. Beliefs adopted from one’s parents or one’s culture often create split energy.

One of my client’s parents, for example, raised her to believe a woman must serve her family to the exclusion of her own desires. She is a powerful woman and is embracing this new approach I offer. As a result she is moving quickly through soothing these old beliefs.

A text message illustrating a The Transamorous Network principle
My client learns how good it feels focused on oneself.
The Transamorous Network example of cleaning up split energy.
An example of how good it feels cleaning up split energy.

And yet she finds it fascinating how much her old beliefs cause resistance in her which feels like a “struggle” to her. Her old beliefs tell her serving her own selfish desires is bad and wrong. In fact, there’s no better way to be in service to others than when one selfishly pursues one’s desires.

Why selfishness is good

Putting both feet in the “taking care of me” camp results in maximum connection to one’s Broader Perspective, that part of us that knows everything we want, where it is and how to get it. And it is that maximum connection that allows all that one desires to flow effortlessly into one’s life experience, including impulses that, when followed, put you squarely in a fulfilling desire’s path.

“Taking care of me” creates a life experience of joyful exuberance. One sees life experience shaping to the new stories, morphing from the old one and becoming the source or the foundation of a blissful life.

The blissful life leads to self love. And when one loves oneself, it is simple, easy, and joyful loving others. And being selfish, you become the most generous person anyone knows.

Integrating one’s stories so they all reflect what one wants creates wonderful epiphanies, seemingly amazing coincidences. Clear indisputable manifestations are so convincing, you get that life is meant to be fun.

Joyful non-resistance

Split energy resits fulfilling desires. Releasing resistance by cleaning up split energy uncovers every human being’s natural joy. The more a person stands with both feet in that joy, the more blissful their life gets. All of my clients experience this to one degree or another.

The Universe stands ready to deliver to anyone a life consistent with their goodness, their worthiness, their natural connection to the joy of being.

Everyone experiences the joy of life. Bogus stories mask that experience. Split energy results. Cleaning that up starts with wanting to clean it up. The rest happens automatically.

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How I Easily Created A Job That Thrilled Me

This is part two of a three part series detailing how a series of major life experiences left me more convinced than ever that telling positive stories leads to the best life possible. Part one shared the awesome story of my divorce. This part describes what happened next.

Recall my soon-to-be-ex-wife gave me my marching orders as an ultimatum: leave my house by the end of the month. I had a small amount of money and no stable income. I had no place to live, roughly three weeks to find one, no car and very little other possessions.

But I was happy. More happy than I had been in a long time. I was happy and I had my Inner Being. I knew that’s all I needed. I knew anything was possible. I looked forward to that possibility….but.

What I needed now was an income

At the time my dominant story regarding income was “income comes from jobs”. Today I don’t believe that at all. Income comes in any way I believe it comes, not just from a job, and that’s what’s happening in my life these days.

Back then, though, faced with needing an income, I didn’t believe what I believe now. I needed a job. I believed in my Inner Being though, and I wanted to use this experience to further strengthen my belief, to turn my belief into knowing that my Inner Being had my back.

My Inner Being at that time told me a job was the best way to income because my dominant stories wouldn’t allow any other income to come my way.

But it also said I can look at any job that comes, not as a permanent thing, but as a bridging job that would allow me to bridge my stories and my desires.

My stories told me income comes from jobs. But my desire, expressed as a story at the time was “I want a reality where money just comes. It’s not dependent on working.”

That eventually happened, but back then, two years ago, I couldn’t jump straight from the story “income comes from jobs” to “income just comes”.

I needed an income while I changed my reality through my stories. Thus, the bridging job.

I did it my way

But I wasn’t going to get a job the normal way. I wanted the job through a telling positive stories about the job. Having that happen meant remembering five key points:

  1. Creation rarely happens in an instant. It happens through steadily increasing momentum. The result I want is immediate in non-physical, but, materialization takes a while.
  2. By the time I know I desire something, it’s done. But its materialization depends on me receiving messages leading me to the doneness. If I’m not open, or in tune, or telling the right stories, the results get delayed.
  3. I know I’m ready when I’m consistently feeling good. When I’m telling only positive stories about my reality, I can’t help but feel good. When I feel good, I’m in tune. Being in tune means what’s coming in my reality must match that feeling.
  4. Looking for the result slows it down. This is important. Looking for the manifestation puts energy on its absence. Manifestations happen quickest when I’m not looking for them.
  5. Early signs of manifestations feel like a thought interruption. I know I’ve received the message when a thought happens that I’m not thinking. Meditation helps condition my mental atmosphere so it isn’t noisy. In that peaceful mind-state, such messages stand out from ordinary thought.

Aware of these five points I knew creating my bridging job could be easy. I wanted to be the evidence of that.

Of course, that’s what happened.

One day, after receiving my wife’s ultimatum, I went for a walk. While out there, I wasn’t thinking about getting a job. I was thinking about my resistance about getting one.

  • I didn’t want a job that would consume all my energy like professional jobs I’ve had.
  • I wanted capacity after work to work on my projects.
  • I didn’t want to get up early to go to work and spend my mornings (my valuable creative time) working for someone else.

Then I caught myself. I realized I focused on negative stories – about what I didn’t want. I needed to create stories about what I did want.

So I thought instead about how a job matching everything I wanted would feel. I dropped my criteria about hours, intensity and all that. Instead, I focused on how it would feel getting a satisfying job.

I had no idea what kind of job that might be. Or how much it would pay. I was a blank slate. Fertile ground for my Inner Being.

Matching my physical reality with my Inner Reality is the best way to hear impulses coming from my stories that would lead to what I want. So while I walked, I thought “how would my Inner Being feel about me having the perfect job?”

What came to me was:

“Triumphant, appreciative, jubilant and joyful”.

That was the message I wanted. It came out of the question. It wasn’t me thinking that thought. The thought came on its own.

Now that I received that feeling impulse, I next put attention on these emotions. Jubilance, appreciation, triumph and joy…I let them build. The longer I lingered on them, the better and better I felt.

Soon I felt great, over-the-top positivity. And how could I not? Jubilance, appreciation, triumph and joy feel great, right?

After three minutes…

The name of the company I would work at appeared in my head. I knew it wasn’t me thinking that name because my thoughts were on the good feelings. Besides, that company name wouldn’t have come into my head. I rarely think about it.

Nothing else followed the name of that company. It came so suddenly, then it was gone. I was thrilled and fascinated. I felt no resistance at all. It happened just like my Inner Being said it would.

Eager and excited, I continued my walk.

At the end of my walk, I sat alongside a river’s edge. I pulled out my phone and looked up this company. Was I surprised to see they were hiring? Nope.

The view from where I sat by the river.

I applied on the spot. In an hour, I got a hire date contingent on next steps. First I had to video record one-minute answers to three questions. Later that week, I had to pee in a cup. The proctor told me supposing no disqualifying indications, I would start on my start date.

And that’s what happened. In less than a week, I went from wondering about a job, to getting one. No resume prep. No searches. No interviews. Only a piss test.

As surprising as how that job happened was how much I enjoyed working that job. It was fun. I enjoyed people I worked with. And when the end of the bridging job came, it came in ways equally as amazing as it started.

But that’s part three

That job offered everything I needed at that time; enough income to cover all my basic needs plus a little spending money, and shift work allowing ample morning time to meditate and work on my projects. The work itself was easy and left lots of mental leeway to practice telling better-feeling stories.

It also was energizing, physically rigorous and attention-consuming work so my 8-hour shifts flew by.

Getting the job this way showed how powerful my stories are. It also showed how faith is unnecessary. Tangible evidence is overwhelming if one looks where it is. Looking there lowers resistance, which makes manifesting easier.

Next time, in part three, I share how I easily got my place to live and then what happened when I came to the end of my bridging job.

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How To Be Transgender And Have It all

The Transamorous Network
The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we share emails we get at The Transamorous Network. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy.

Dear Transamorous Network,

We’ve messaged a few times via email and had a couple stories published to The Transamorous Network website. My confidence has been doing great, I’ve really learned to love my body and accept the men that love my body too. It has done wonders for my day to day life and self image, I feel so at home and happy in my body.

Recently I was in my best friends wedding, and I discovered the groom outed me to his groomsmen prior to the wedding so that they wouldn’t make any passes on me. I didn’t find this out until after, but it makes a lot of sense now that I look back at it.

[The groomsmen] were very stand offish and distant towards me, would hardly make eye contact when trying to talk to them, but there were moments I would catch them definitely checking me out, in which they would look away as soon as I’d notice.

I’m 25, pass as cis and get told I’m pretty. All of my friends around me are off getting married, moving in with their significant others, having families etc. I want marriage and babies more than anything, and I try so hard to remain positive and optimistic.

But I feel like I’m still stuck in this place where I’m forbidden fruit, as seen by what happened in recent events. Online dating is horrible by I still try, but when it comes to real life situations I’m almost always overlooked because other men will out me to their friends and won’t let them decide for themselves whether they’re into me or not.

It sets the standard of “oh I can look but I can’t touch (because heaven forbid people think I’m gay)” It’s like I automatically come with a warning label.

I wish this attitude towards trans women wasn’t perpetuated, it makes me feel like I’m never going to have the life that I want because things like this keep happening which leave me feeling discouraged. I know everyone’s timeline is different, but I don’t want to be starting a family at 40 or older.

I’m trying to remain positive and not feel defeated, this is just a small bump in the road and I will move on from it. How should I go about situations like this in the future?

Best,
Janice

Hi Janice!
Nice to hear from you. Glad to hear your confidence is doing great. It’s easy having confidence when you see your life match positive stories you’re telling. There’s nothing contrary to the premise that your stories create your reality. Your life MUST match ANY story you tell. So why not tell positive ones?

All that said, you’ve got some problems with your stories! LOL.

The first two lines of your email are great. But most of the rest you wrote tells us you still have strong stories creating realities you don’t like. One of the last lines of your email is really important because thinking it, and writing it, makes it almost certain you WILL start a family at age 40!

You must change all these stories. When you do, you’ll find yourself experiencing none of what you wrote here, and more of what you want.

If you “feel” like you’re “forbidden fruit” then you get a reality matching that. If your online dating experience sucks, that should be telling you something…

You’ve already experienced the accuracy of what we share though The Transamorous Network. You’re feeling “confident”, you learned to “love your body” and you’re accepting men who love your body the way it is.

You’re seeing how that’s working “wonders” for your day to day self image and you feel “at home and happy in your body”. You also say you pass as cis and are told you’re pretty. You should accentuate these stories and stop talking (and thinking) about everything else in the email you wrote.

How to get everything you want: Ignore reality

When something like what happened at that wedding happens, you must IGNORE it. Putting your attention on it just brings you more of that.

Instead, make up other reasons about why those men were stand-off -ish. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s true or not, it matters that it changes your attitude about what happened.

You want to feel as positive about that experience as you do about how confident, passable and comfortable in your body you are. Then, if you hold to that feeling, you will see your dating situation match that feeling.

We would not use online dating to meet guys. It’s too easy to create negative stories about meeting your mate that way. Besides, it’s more fun this way.

Also…you’re still REALLY young. You have plenty of time. But thinking you don’t is problematic. You tighten up, get anxious, then try to “find” the guy you’re to be married with. The problem with that approach is, YOU CAN’T FIND HIM.

So stop trying. Let go. Have fun. Make up positive reasons for why men don’t approach you. Celebrate those reasons. Then watch what happens! You will have it all!

TTN

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Being Transamorous Can Be Delightful

Transamorous people can live happy lives.
Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

It’s fun watching my life shape to my stories. It feels wonderful seeing my positive stories legitimize themselves by creating realities consistent with them. The same thing happens with my Transamorous Network clients.

I know all stories do that, of course. Any story told long enough will draw to the storyteller evidence proving the story “true”. When enough evidence gets created, the story no longer is a story. It becomes reality, then a belief. The belief fades into the background of awareness, and life becomes “how it is.”

That’s accurate to say for any story, any thought, that has become a belief. Which is why I don’t concern myself with people who disagree with me about what I share.

Plenty of people out there think “you create your reality through your stories” is hogwash. But they don’t understand the preceding paragraphs. They don’t know their story “it’s hogwash” became a belief long ago, is out of their awareness now that it has become a belief, and attracts evidence of its “truth”.

That’s why I don’t spend time trying to convince someone “you create your reality through your stories.”

Unless they’re a Transamorous Network client. 😊

Transamorous Network clients are different

A client is open. They’re willing to consider new possibilities. They want to believe. Their frustration over their trans-attraction compels them to be open. That makes seeing around existing beliefs more likely. 

What I love about what I do with my clients is this: It’s easy for me to say “you create your reality through your stories” and point to my life, as full of evidence as it is. But it’s also easy for people seeing that evidence to dismiss it.

But as more clients come to The Transamorous Network, and create extraordinary lives as my current clients are, it gets harder and harder to deny that something special is happening.

All my clients are extraordinarily excited about their lives. They’re engaged and happy. They’re having fun discovering what I’ve discovered. And in their discovery I find joy too.

Client work then becomes play, a win-win for both parties. My clients enjoy Charmed Lives. I enjoy watching that. And I grow a larger and larger, undeniable body of evidence that being transamorous can be not only fun, but joyfully filled with fulling desires.

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Fall In Love With Your Trans Attraction In 2021

trans attraction is good
trans attraction is good
Photo by Tommy Lee Walker on Unsplash

Happy New Year to all the trans, trans attracted and transamorous people reading this. This year offers a new opportunity, one in which you find empowerment, instead of shame, joy, instead of embarrassment, freedom, instead of bondage and love in who and what you are.

All this is available NOW. The moment you tell better stories about who and what you are. Your love of transgender people is wholesome. Being trans attracted is good.

You don’t need a new year’s resolution to know that. All that’s needed is that you see yourself as you are: worthy of all you want, creating a world containing all you want, surrounded by desires of all kinds, each one fulfilling themeselves.

That includes having that partner you want. Whether you’re transgender, trans attracted or transamorous, whatever kind of relationship you want you can have. But only if you’re a match to that relationship.

Happy New Years trans and trans attracted

Honor your trans attraction in 2021

Is 2021 going to be the year you become a match to your relationship desires?

Last month a Transamorous Network client, only four months into his 1:1 sessions, sent a message to his church: he was moving on.

He realized the church tells disempowering stories, not only about Christianity, but also about being an LGBTQ person. I know some guys find it hard to take, but if you’re trans attracted, you’re part of the LGBTQ family. That doesn’t mean you’re “gay” though.

Sending that message was monumental. It was an act born of his desire to own who he is and free himself from living small, living safe but scared and worried about what others think. He’s now reaching for his empowerment, on his own terms.

As he told me what he had done, a new version of him emerged. A version who honors his trans attraction as an important part of who he is. He’s inspired by what he now sees is possible: a life full of exactly what I wrote in the first paragraph above.

Trans attraction demands living authentically

Churches make people believe that church is the doorway to salvation. That’s never the case. Especially if you’re trans attracted.

More often than not, church leads to exactly the opposite. My client realized this, and in just four months is leaving his church. This process actually happened in the last 30 days of working with The Transamorous Network.

In the previous three months, this client wrestled with his old stories as we looked at them through the lens of what we do in The Transamorous Network 1:1 sessions.

Leaving the church was important. So long as he continued with the church, he would not be a match to the woman he wants, or the life he craves. Becoming a match required living his authenticity, which includes moving from closeted chaser to becoming transamorous.

Your positive transformation hold all you want. (Photo by Amanda Jones on Unsplash)

Your transamory offers positive transformation

Ironically, three months into his 1:1 sessions, he met a trans woman who also happened to be a well-known porn actress. They hit it off, but my client felt a mix of negative emotions about her.

Successful and looking for the same in a parter, she was confident, bold and clear about what she wanted, as some transgender women are. But she unnerved my client. Who she was being intimidated him.

He knew his church would not approve, to put it lightly. Trans AND a porn actress? Really? LOL. But meeting this woman was a perfect catalytic event: As much as it unnerved him to think about being with her, my client desired what she represented. And that desire was enough to spark a transformation.

We looked at stories he told about her, stories adopted from his church, stories which, together with his desires for her, fueled an inner conflict.

trans attraction brings more than love
Your trans attraction feels like it’s only about love. But it’s about so much more. (Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash)

Trans attraction is about more than love

I told him this conflict represented a momentous opportunity waiting to bring him everything he wants. The inner conflict he felt indicates he is not yet a match to this woman. Which explains why the relationship, so far, appears to be over.

That relationship wasn’t about him ending up with her though. It was about catalyzing a change within this client leading to greater freedom and the fulfillment of everything he wants. Not only in love, but in all life areas.

But having had that relationship, and seeing what was possible from new stories emboldened this client. In the following weeks he started telling more positive stories. Those stories prompted the message to his church.

This client isn’t a sinner. He doesn’t need saving. He creates his reality, he is not dammed because of his beliefs or acts, or who or what he is. What he is is a wondrous, joyful being who is here to have whatever life experience he wants.

Transamory is freedom

Another 1:1 client had similar experiences over the last nine months of 2020. It’s taking him longer, but he too has left his church. New stories clarified for him how much he lived in bondage born of old stories adopted from his religion.

Like the previous client, he met a trans woman too, someone with whom he has many things in common, someone he finds astonishingly fresh, real and attractive.

His old stories created realities inconsistent with his trans attraction. Today, he’s changing that though. He’s getting a divorce from his cisgender wife. And though it’s a bit turbulent right now, he sees more and more how moving towards his new stories offers a life far more joyful and empowering.

Whether trans, a chaser, trans attracted or transamorous, we are all here to transform the world through our own self-transformation. Our self-transformation will turn shame and embarrassment into delight and joy for ourselves and for others. Recovering and then living our authenticity will bring freedom from old stories that have us live in fear, shame and worry.

The payoff is life experience equal to our wildest dreams, yes, in love, but also in every other life area.

I know we can have everything we want, including the relationship we want with the person we want, whether we’re trans or trans attracted.

But we can’t get there while standing in stories which create emotions such as fear, shame, and worry.

This year, give yourself the gift of joy, freedom and empowerment available in your self-transformation. Get the love you crave. Tell more positive stories about what you want. Then watch what happens.

Happy new year!

ADDENDUM: It’s Jan. 1 at 4:30 PM. I wrote this post at 3 am this morning. This is so cool as a follow-up. The first client I mentioned in this post, this afternoon sent the following text message. It perfectly punctuates what he’s getting from his 1:1 sessions:

They lyrics of that song “Drive” are a perfect treat, pounding home his realization. Definitely worth a listen: