If you’ve read posts here before, you get a sense of our perspective. Humans create everything in our experience. Including other people. But nearly all of us are doing that unaware that’s what we’re doing. So we blame the world around us, and other people, for our troubles. All the while not realizing when we do that, we create more trouble for ourselves.
Tremendous amounts of power lie hidden in that very true synopsis of our perspective.
Trans-attracted men (and transgender women) are no exception to this. Most of us think the world around us some objective thing. It’s separate from us, not springing out of us as a reflection of our inner state. So it’s not a wonder trans-attracted men will react to inner awareness with fear. Their basis for self understanding is external, as it is for most of us. It doesn’t matter that that basis is flawed, which it is. When they notice something about themselves, they will consult the world around them for what’s true.
Transgender women do this too.
Unfortunately, the world around them will tell them they are the problem. Then, trying to fit in, they’ll hide this new awareness, or try changing it. Social ostracism, for the uninitiated trans-attracted guy, is a terrible thing. Familial ostracism is even worse. Ostracism from one’s manliness is an even more fearsome thing. No wonder such men struggle accepting what they are. Just like many transgender women.
It’s meant this way
But the world IS a reflection. And like all reflections, it’s an illusion. The paradox of this world though, is, if you walk onto a freeway, cars zooming toward you will kill you. So we must all contend with the powerful “reality” we put ourselves in that feels so real…when it’s, at the same time, not at all real.
After all, if we knew it wasn’t real coming in, the benefit of life would not be ours, would it? So we hypnotize ourselves into this “kill you” part of the paradox.
Meanwhile, the reflection serves us all. It aids in our becoming better versions of ourselves. “Better versions” look like increasingly pure expressions of divine intelligence. More direct expressions of All That Is, in other words.
“Trans” and “trans attraction” represent this purer, more direct expression. What do you think Divine Intelligence, or All That Is, looks like anyway? A grey-bearded white guy?
NO!
All That Is is “TRANS gender”. It comprises both genders while simultaneously rising above themall. It is more than the sum of its (infinite parts).
And so are we.
Physical reality is an illusion…that can kill you. (Photo by Chris Barbalis on Unsplash)
Back to the guys
Trans-attracted men are identical to transgender women when viewed from this perspective. They are on similar paths. You could say they are on different aspects of the same path. No one’s murdering these guys, sure. But again, it’s not the SAME path! It’s a DIFFERENT ASPECT of the same path. We could even call it a COMPLEMENTARY aspect.
In other words, while transgender people need no protectors, trans-attracted men can complement them in off-the-chart ways. But these men first must know what they’re doing with their trans-attraction. Their journey from Chaser to Transamory IS THAT PROCESS.
If transgender women were willing to change their view of such men, they would find powerful allies there. Yes, it takes a profound willingness to change one’s mind in the face of so much evidence to the contrary. And I know most transgender women won’t do stop looking at the contrary evidence long enough to do that. It’s true: self-loathing is a powerful elixir.
But some do. Some like my clients.
Every story can change. Even self loathing ones. A powerful figure with tremendous global influence once said of his tormentors “Forgive them Father. They know not what they do.” There’s great power in forgiveness. That and asking questions.
A simple question can change the course of even the most vile person. And in that way transgender women can become catalysts for trans-attracted men. If they choose to.
So, transgender women, the next time you get a dick pick from some online dating app you’d do better not being on, perhaps instead of getting mad, forgive the sender. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.
Then, maybe, ask them a question. Like: Why do you think sending me this picture will get you what you think you want?
Many trans-attracted guys and transgender women ask me how to get love they want. Some aren’t ready for my answers. Others, become clients. Those folks not only live happier lives, they eventually get what they want.
They get a lover, or a job. They stop thinking of killing themselves. In short, they become happy.
Sometimes clients will ask why what they want isn’t happening. I tell them it is happening. When the client can’t see it happening, it means they’re telling stories which block their perception.
Whether we perceive our progress or not makes all the difference. Every thing we want does manifest. But often, important “manifestations” slip by our awareness. For example, most transgender women will not celebrate the thought “My joyful, attractive lover is on the way”. They’re too focused on not having that joyful attractive lover. Or they complain about men they’re meeting.
Chasers, scared guys and guys just looking for dick pics abound. When they fill transgender women’s dating lives, it’s easy thinking they’re the only men out there. It’s true for trans-attracted men too. When trans-attracted men can’t find a transgender woman who will take them seriously, or can’t find any in their area, it’s easy to say “there are no transgender women near me.”
The problem is whatever we look at or talk about becomes our reality. So when a guy shows up representing an improvement on the kinds of guys the woman usually meets, she’ll look at that guy through her past experience. She will look over the improvement. Then say “nothing is changing”, or, like a recent client: “I always meet these kinds of guys.”
And when a transgender woman appears in the man’s neighborhood, he’ll literally not see her.
Incremental improvement
Meanwhile, improvement, evidenced in the new guy, still exists. So does the transgender woman living in our neighborhood. Just because we don’t see them, doesn’t mean they’re not real. But if our perception stays stuck on past negative experience, then for all intents and purposes, they’re not real. We’ll keep creating more negative experiences instead of seeing what we want coming true.
Which explains why so many transgender women and trans-attracted men struggle with everything from negative self image to negative dating experiences. Or no dating experiences at all. Loneliness, depression and sadness or dismal online dating results all indicate chronic focus on past negative experience.
But something cool happens the moment a transgender woman or trans-attracted guy changes their perspective. In that moment, a new dimension shows itself. In that new dimension, improvement shines everywhere. It was always there. But with our changed perspective, we now see it. We see our men getting better. And we start seeing transgender women everywhere.
We change our perspective through stories we tell about what we’re looking at. So long as we tell stories about things we don’t like, we keep seeing those things. We keep experiencing them too. But when we focus on improvement and talk about how improved our life becomes, we support more improvement showing up in our perspective.
Anyone can find that partner they want (Photo by Caleb Ekeroth)
Evidence abounds
For example, one of my clients, who I’ll call Karen, dates exclusively online. These days she only does so when feeling lonely or depressed. That’s improvement. Another improvement though, shows up in men she’s meeting. Karen is on her 52d week of practice. She’s improved her stories a lot. But she still has many other stories needing cleaning up.
Nevertheless, she acknowledges small improvements in men she meets online. She really wants to meet men in person. But for now, the story “I can’t find a man locally” dominates her attention. So she doesn’t notice when men compliment her or strike up conversations with her, which they do often whenever she goes out.
Karen didn’t agree when I told her men she meets online have improved. After detailed analysis, however, she couldn’t disagree. The men still ghost her. Or they are early in their trans-attraction and thus unwilling to meet in person. But Karen had to agree, they improved in terms of their willingness to talk with her, the things they had in common with her, and how they treated her.
Noticing incremental improvement is crucial. That’s because that’s how all manifestations happen, including relationship manifestations. It’s also crucial because noticing that improvement adds momentum behind the improvement. Without noticing the improvement, or worse, noticing no improvement, we perpetuate what we’re getting; whether that’s sucky men, crazy transgender women, or no relationship nibbles at all.
Getting what you want can be hard when we keep looking at what we don’t want. (Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash)
How to not get your true love
Appreciating incremental improvement also holds back impatience. Impatience happens when we overly focus on the relationship we want. We recognize it’s not there. Then lose sight of the incremental improvement. Impatience tells us we’re creating a reality we don’t want. Usually that means more of what we now have.
It’s also important knowing what “manifestations” look like. Impatience is a manifestation. So is recognizing the impatience. Doing something about it is a manifestation too. Appreciating ourselves for doing that is too. It’s important to understand everything is a manifestation. It’s important because even an emotional improvement is progress. And going from impatience to appreciation represents an improvement.
Anyone wanting a relationship they think they can’t have stands amidst manifestations telling them something they really want to know. Those manifestations include negative emotions they feel while standing where they stand. I help clients practice everything I shared in this post. Not only do clients live happy lives as a result, they also eventually find the guy or girl of their dreams.
It doesn’t happen in an instant. It happens gradually. The good news is, on the way to that ultimate relationship, my clients find their lives becoming increasingly happier. Want what they have? Contact me.
Every once in a while, a cis woman will write us in despair. These women share “betrayal, shock and sadness” they feel after discovering their husband’s involvement with transgender women. Their discovery usually comes “by accident”, which is why such women express so much shock.
Such a message came our way in the comments section recently:
My husband is trans attracted. He has completely broken me. My self-esteem and self-worth are destroyed. My home is broken and I feel he has no remorse. We are getting a divorce. I do not feel that marriage counseling will help because at the end of the day I cannot satisfy my husband.
His constant porn addiction and running to grindr everytime we argue shows me that his real desire is to be with a trans women. I feel betrayed, angry and stupid to think that he would ever just love me and want me. I’m completely defeated and spend my days reading articles about trans attraction and cry myself to sleep at night. My husband is so quick to defend the trans community but not our marriage and this is a feeling I cannot describe.
Many trans-attracted men wind up married to cis women. That’s because the shame and self loathing they feel about who and what they are has them repress what they want. In exchange, they go for what society tells them they “should” want.
Acceptance is hard
But the price they pay is far too great. Not only do they set themselves up for pain later on, they also, potentially, set up their partners and perhaps children. I totally understand their choices though. I married two cis women. The first I married totally oblivious to my trans attraction. The second marriage I walked into with my eyes open. It wasn’t about love. It was about giving the girl I married what she wanted. She knew about my trans attraction.
So I understand when men like me choose a cis woman over a transgender one. They don’t know what they’re missing when they do that. And, in my opinion, trans attraction will not suffer compromise. Soon or later, it will express itself. That’s why more and more cis women speak of betrayal and shock when they discover their husband “fucking trannies”.
Accepting our trans attraction can be a fraught-filled path. We face potential ridicule from friends, ostracism from family and potentially debilitating self-condemnation. As if that weren’t enough, men like us also often face humiliation, ostracism and ridicule from targets of our affection: the very women we find ourselves irresistibly attracted to.
So I don’t blame guys like me who try resisting their trans attraction. As I said though, that comes at a cost. The most expensive cost is lack of self acceptance.
When guys like us don’t embrace our natural, normal attraction, we give off insecurity vibes. Those vibes attract transgender women who are matches to that. Which is why men like me struggle with their attraction. They wonder why they keep meeting less-than-desirable trans girls. Trans girls who reject them.
Shame is common among many trans-attracted men (Photo by Aaron Blanco)
Self loathing masked as attacking men
Getting rejected by trans girls, while common, needn’t be any trans-attracted guy’s experience. But it will be if guys don’t accept themselves. When they do though, their entire dating experience will change.
The same happens, of course for transgender women.
Transgender women who don’t accept their trans-ness can’t abide by a guy who finds them attractive, in part, because they’re trans. Some trans girls agree with society. They think they are somehow “a mistake” or “born in the wrong body”. They can’t accept and embrace the fact that they chose this path as does every trans-attracted person.
Why anyone would choose transamory or being transgender is easy to answer, but it’s beyond the scope of this post. The point is, when a transgender woman calls a trans-attracted person a “tranny chaser”, “chaser” or some other derogatory term, they’re essentially saying “my status as a transgender person isn’t valid. So if you’re wanting me for that reason, you must be a freak, a fetishizer, fiend, or abnormal.”
We don’t call men who chase vagina “chasers”. We accept their behavior as “normal”. But what is normal? And is normal something someone really should strive for?
I don’t think so.
It’s better embracing one’s trans-ness as well as one’s trans-attraction. Men go through a “hyper” stage wherein they try fucking as many vaginas as possible. Girls go through their own process, but society makes it bad and wrong to express that overtly, so women don’t talk about it, or express it as directly as guys.
Many transgender women go through similar experiences. They seek out as much dick as they can. In other words, they’re exploring themselves.
Transgender women hating on trans-attracted men say more about their self-image than the men they hate (Photo by Engin Akyurt)
We’re a match to what we get
Trans-attracted men go through similar stages. If a trans woman doesn’t want to meet such men, who are going through a period of radical self-exploration, they need to up their story game. They must tell different stories about a number of subjects. Stories about themselves, about dating, about men and about relationships to name a few of many.
Diana Tourjeé, a journalist who happens to be transgender wrote an interesting article about cis women discovering their partners’ transamory. In it, she gives her own take on this perspective.
This is the danger in stereotyping all trans amorous men as chasers. Many are just discovering their sexuality, or finally want to be honest about who they are. They may well be living with severe anxiety or depression due to their reasonable fear. So the outright rejection of all men expressly interested in trans women ultimately alienates whatever number of trans amorous men are capable of, or actively are trying to overcome that fear. [These men] are an example of people who desire an authentic, fulfilling connection with trans women; rejecting them has only caused harm.
I agree. Tourjeé goes on to say many people, including transgender women, hold flawed and harmful ideas. These ideas say anyone who loves transgender women is abnormal. And that’s as harmful as thinking that transgender women themselves are abnormal. For if trans-attraction is abnormal, what does that make transgender women?
It’s a question every transgender woman might want to ask themselves the next time they want call some guy interested in them a “chaser”.
Good advice for cis women
As for cis women married to trans-attracted men, I think we’re going to see many more such women suffering shocking surprises. The more society leans toward accepting transgender people, more men will cast off their shame. I think that’s a good thing.
Women married to trans-attracted men are settling. As much as a shock as it might feel, if such women really look at their relationship with their trans-attracted husbands, they will discover clues existed throughout their relationship.
It’s hard to see the signs the universe shows one when one is on the wrong path. Often, such signs only become clear in the rear-view mirror. I would suggest to such women that the end of their marriage, rather than being the worst thing that ever happened, could become the exact opposite.
It could become an inflection point leading to a more genuine and authentic relationship containing more of what the woman wants. And when that happens, doesn’t that mean the ending of the marriage was actually a good thing?
I think so. Life tends to work out. Life is more fun when seen from that lens and lived with that expectation. Telling positive stories about life helps build such perspectives. Want to know more?
It’s so fun watching transgender women and trans-attracted people using stories to create their love lives. I love participating in that unfolding. When such people find their power, they realize they can create what they thought was impossible. Then their lives get really fun.
Of course, everything is possible. The only things keeping some things impossible are stories people tell. “That’s impossible” is a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Things change though when someone discovers they stand at the center of the Universe. There they realize they create everything around them. Including all the lovers they want…or the lack thereof.
Stories are powerful
A transgender client’s personal experience showed how powerful, or disempowering, stories can be. She started practicing with me 36 sessions ago. Last week, something happened that amazed her.
During those 36 weeks, Jennifer (not her real name) uncovered many disempowering stories. They included stories about dating, about men, about men’s intentions. But they also included stories about Jennifer herself. These included stories like the following:
I’m not good enough to get what I want
I’m too fat to get the guy I want
Men only want me for sex
I’m too old
Time’s running out for me to find a guy
I never can find the right guy I want
These stories together created Jennifer’s reality. What did that reality look like? One where men she met wanted her for sex, or for photos of her genitals. Several often called her, but only when drunk. They demanded sexually explicit texts, wouldn’t talk on the phone and when Jennifer pushed the issue, they would ghost her. Others made promises to meet in person, only to disappear later.
No wonder Jennifer created negative stories about dating, about men and about men’s intentions.
It’s not that her stories weren’t true. After all, she formed many of them from past experience. But if Jennifer wants what she wants, she can’t expect to get it while telling stories about what she doesn’t want, no matter how true they are.
Stories are powerful. They can create more of the same. Or they can create what you want.
Choose: get what you want or be right
Jennifer had a choice. She could tell true stories and be right. Or she could tell stories about what she wants and get that.
For example, one story she had about men was “I’ll never meet a nice guy locally”. Every guy she had met, she met through OKCupid. Desperation had her using online dating. No matter how many times I told her online dating works terribly, she kept using it.
That’s because she also believed it was the only way she met men. See how stories create reality? Her stories about not meeting local guys had her believing she could only meet men online. So that’s how she met them. And, the men she met there showed up consistent with her other stories. Especially stories about herself.
The online experience only amplified her frustration, which in turn reinforced her stories about men, her datability and her belief that she’d never meet the guy she wanted.
Again, Jennifer can’t tell stories about her past and get what she wants. Instead, she must tell stories about what she wants. That’s what we focused on in the ensuing 36 sessions.
A lot of transgender women would rather be right than get what they want, which is why they end up sad, bitter and alone. (Photo by Caleb Ekeroth)
Evidence starts proving it works
Over time, Jennifer’s new, empowering stories started creating realities consistent with themselves. It was rough going at first. Often Jennifer reinforced her old stories more than energizing new, more empowering ones.
However, there’s something cool about telling positive stories. Such stories enjoy enormous creative potential. You see, the Universe wants everyone to enjoy what they want, no exceptions. So when someone lines up with what they want by telling positive stories about it, they become a match to that. Then, that person gradually starts seeing evidence of what they want showing up everywhere.
That’s what happened with Jennifer. For example, men started waving at her as she walked down the street. Every time it happened, she said, she looked behind her to see if the guys were waving at someone else. Nope, they waved at her.
Or the male barista at the drive up kiosk would chat Jennifer up, where before he would ignore her. Another time a gas station attendant complimented her nails. And another time, a male restaurant sever paid particular attention to her as he attended the table she sat at with friends.
Ordinary people chalk these examples up to “coincidence” or some other logical explanation. But there’s no such thing as coincidence and logic has nothing to do with it! Everything happens on purpose. The purpose is reflecting back stories one tells about what’s happening.
The more Jennifer got this, the more such instances happened.
Evidence grows more insistent
Until one day while walking her dog at the local dog park, a man who also had his dog approached her. He said hi and Jennifer returned the greeting. They enjoyed a nice conversation while their dogs played. Afterward, the guy said “Oh, dude, I gotta go. I’m late.”
Now Jennifer interpreted that as the guy misgendering her. We don’t know what his intentions really were, but I told her telling such a story was not in her best interest.
“It’s better to make up a story that you feel better about,” I said.
“Like what?” She asked.
“Like ‘the guy was using “dude” like some people do. It’s just a figure of speech, like an exclamation”,” I replied.
At first, Jennifer didn’t like that new story. But after some cajoling she admitted it felt better than the knee-jerk story she wanted to tell.
I told her telling such stories would create the next evidence that would knock Jennifer’s socks off.
And that’s exactly what happened next.
Every transgender or trans-attracted person can enjoy a relationship that knocks their socks off. Unless their stories run contrary to having that enjoyment. (Photo by Jeremy Bishop)
It bowls you over
Jennifer had other stories not related to men and dating. These needed attention too. The combination of stories, what I call a Belief Constellation, creates everyone’s reality. Jennifer’s constellation included many negative stories about her work and her manager. Those stories kept Jennifer on edge, defensive and feeling like a victim.
Feeling on edge, defensive and victimhood makes one a match to situations that exacerbate feeling those ways. And not just work situations, dating situations too. That’s why we needed to soothe Jennifer’s work stories too.
That took a while, but the better Jennifer felt, the more she wanted to do the practice. In time, evidence at work convinced her more and more her new stories were working.
Her boss complimented her more and more. She gave Jennifer more responsibilities. When Jennifer announced she was looking for openings in other departments, her manager offered to reclassify her job so she could get more pay. Finally, her manager came out and told Jennifer how much she valued her and how much she wanted Jennifer to stay.
Evidence at work was bowling Jennifer over. It amazed her that simply telling positive stories could literally change her relationship with her boss!
Then one day Jennifer texted me from work telling me how a process I taught her – called PRE-PAVING – helped change her work experience. In the text, she misspells it as “preparing”:
Then it happened
Riding on that positive momentum created what happened next. Jennifer felt good about changes happening at work. So much so, she softened on the idea that she couldn’t meet men in person. She started acknowledging evidence showing she was meeting men. It’s just that she hadn’t soothed negative stories enough to have such men approach her in person.
That all changed rather suddenly.
A few days after a remarkably powerful session, Jennifer sent me a text. It was awesome:
Many layers prove how powerful this experience was for Jennifer. For one, she didn’t have to do ANYTHING to meet this LOCAL, GORGEOUS guy other than follow her intuition to take Rocco out for walk. Second, there’s NO WAY ON EARTH she could have deliberately sought out this guy. It could only happen this way, a perfect orchestration of her unfolding reality.
Third, the guy did all the work. He approached her and initiated a conversation. But most of all, what’s super awesome about this rendezvous, is through it, Jennifer realized yet another story she needs to clean up.
“He’s out of my league.”
However, even though that happened, she still had an experience totally contrary to EVERY experience she had in the past.
Every encounter a stepping stone
It’s really important at the point of receiving this experience that Jennifer enjoy the experience. Negatively judging herself does no good. Neither does harsh self-criticism about not doing something she thought she should have done. Everything worked perfectly here because this rendezvous wasn’t meant to be the perfect match or the perfect lover.
What it was, was an experience clarifying for Jennifer where she is on the path to becoming the perfect match to her perfect lover. How else will she know what disempowering stories remain in her constellation, if she doesn’t get to see her constellation in action? This experience worked perfectly.
It encouraged her. It created more desire in her. The fact that it happened gladdened her, inspiring her to the possibility that more such experiences can happen. It was a local connection! Something she thought impossible. And it showed that gorgeous men show interest in her.
So many disempowering stories got a dose of positivity just through this one experience. And so long as she remains in all these powerfully positive interpretations, Jennifer makes herself a match to more such experiences in the future.
Every client gets it
I love it when these kinds of things happen for my clients. Every client enjoys this kind of progression on their way to the love, the life, their greatest desires.
Everything is possible. Including having a relationship matching one’s wildest dreams. Nothing stands in the way of whatever anyone wants other than stories a person tells that are contrary to what’s wanted.
Clean those stories up though and watch how remarkable life gets.
Life is a wish-granting jewel. No matter what one wishes for, one can have it. One only need become a match to it, then draw that which is wished for to them as they hold themselves as a match to it.
I show clients how to do that. It’s easy, it’s fun and it works. Every time. You ready for your true love, your version of the wonderful life Jennifer’s creating? I can help.
There’s great power in managing vibration so that one stands in a high flying state. Doing so, one can literally shape others’ experiences. One can also shape other people. A powerful example of that happened this week with a trans-attracted client.
This client finds himself profoundly affected by his Transamorous Network practice, which spanned some four months now. But this week, like many clients, he came having had a rough few days. So when he showed up to the session, he wasn’t ready for what happened.
When I help clients attain vibrational mastery, I create a vibrational bubble in which I hold the session. Vibrational mastery means being so Positively Focused that your world must reflect that state back to you. That looks like your life turning out exactly like you want it.
In addition to showing clients how to create vibrational mastery, I also demonstrate it through my being. That’s why, every client raves about how great our sessions go. The high vibrational state I create then hold during the session “pulls” clients from wherever they are, to where I am. That’s why, unlike traditional therapyor counseling, every client enjoys extremely satisfying sessions containing powerful insights and breakthroughs.
A compelling offer
This time, however, I brought a lot more vibrational mastery to the table than usual. That’s because I meditated prior to the session, using a process which increases one’s vibrational focus. I also used another process because I wanted to amplify the great feeling I felt after meditation.
By the time I came to the session, I was bouncing off the walls with intense, positivity, appreciation and joy. So much so, the client’s socks got blown off.
The disparity between where he was and where I was was so great, he had to join me. He literally had no choice because my mastery was so strong.
So when the client came into my bubble, his negative vibration had no place to go but outta here! 😂.
Which is why, after the session, he sent this:
Creating people on demand
When it comes to relationships, most people try to manipulate, convince, “love” (it’s not really that), bribe, blackmail or blame their partners into being someone they can be happy with. That hardly ever works. Indeed, the whole idea of “love languages” is part of the problem with relationships. Expecting someone to be a certain way so you feel better is a recipe for disaster. It’s also not loving.
Loving is unconditional. That means, no matter how a person might be, you still love them. Even if that person wants you, transgender ladies, for that “something extra”. And even trans-attracted men, if that transgender lady calls you a “tranny chaser”. No one can create a reality contrary to their stories. So when someone gives you behavior you don’t like, you gotta find something about it to like. Or else your negative story makes you a match to more of what you don’t like.
Finding that positive story in an apparent negative situation is a challenge.
But with vibrational mastery, not only can you love a person no matter how they are, when you do, THEY CHANGE. Or they move out of your experience to be replaced by what you want.
Change others by changing yourself
The best way to change someone is to come into alignment with the version of the person you want to experience. Then the person you’re with changes into that person. Vibrational mastery makes that possible.
Trying to change people through action or words hardly ever works. When it does work, it rarely lasts. It often creates resentment. But using vibration born of positive stories, you can make any change you want permanent. And people love you for it.
It’s just like what my client experienced. And I wasn’t even trying!
Want a powerful relationship with those you love, those you work with and those you care about? Stop trying to change them. Attain vibrational mastery and watch how much power you have to produce wonderful results. Including creating versions of people who match your every desire.
