How Lesbian Trans Women Best Meet Great Matches Pt. 2

Photo by We-Vibe Toys on Unsplash

In part one, we examined a comment offered by a transgender woman who happens to be lesbian. Today, let’s continue examining those stories. Here’s the comment she made:

My problem with all of this is: what about transgender women who are not attracted to men? I am one of those. Yes, I have had bisexual encounters in the past, but that was purely to satisfy a sexual desire at the time.

I honestly have never felt any attraction towards men, hence if I’m thinking about a committed relationship, I would love to hear how and where a transgender female can meet someone that is potentially interested in her. I find it a very tricky topic: going to a typical lesbian venue could easily lead to having difficulties because of being a trans person. And that seriously limits the options to meet someone. I genuinly have not been able to think of a solution for this challenge. So, I would love to see an article on it!

Last time we looked at the story she’s telling that tells her she has a problem. That’s a problem. When one tells a story about having a problem, and voicing such a sentiment is storytelling, then one indeed stands in a problem. So our friend first must tell better feeling stories, ones that don’t create “problems”. 

I’d like to double down, please

The next story offers even more resistance blocking our friend from enjoying what she wants:

I find it a very tricky topic:”, she says. Then she doubles down on this one by offering details about why the problem feels tricky. Both amplify creative momentum introducing circumstances wherein she gets what she talks about: not getting what she wants.

“…going to a typical lesbian venue could easily lead to having difficulties because of being a trans person. And that seriously limits the options to meet someone.

She next tells another story amplifying momentum even more:

I genuinely have not been able to think of a solution for this challenge.”

So our friend experiences what she wants as beyond her ability to figure out. She cannot unravel the problem of figuring out where and how she can get what she wants.

Such circumstances exist commonly among people. Mainly because people don’t understand how easily reality happens. Or where it comes from.

Life needn’t be hard. Even for trans lesbians.

There’s no special “where”

So nearly everyone moves away from their desires. But they don’t know why that happens. Which is why so many live in frustration, anger and annoyance. Or anxiety, insecurity or a state of compromise relative to their dreams.

From there, people look to others hoping for solutions. And, since most people all do the same thing, the only recourse for folks lies in copying what they see leaving nearly everyone wanting, but hot having. Seeking but not finding. Can you guess where that leads?

That’s right. More frustration. No wonder so many turn to and fail on online dating sites. Even though so many people gather there, hoping for love. We wrote about how sucky online dating is. And how bad the success rate is.

But there’s an easier way. And a more fun way. But so long as people conclude the way others get their stuff represents the only way they can get their stuff, frustration, more often than not, results.

For example, most think they need to “go to where all the single ladies are” to meet single ladies. Bars, clubs, dating websites, weddings…these events become their only go-to options.

Notice a LOT of people meet people this way. But have you considered how exhausting, time consuming, frog-kissing sucky and uninspiring going to a bar is? And how many who do meet someone that way actually end up in lasting love?

There’s no special place to meet your ideal partner. Well, there is. The special place is wherever you are. Because there is where the Universe leads you. And when you follow your Inner Being guidance, spawned from positive stories, you’ll find your ideal relationship unfold in a beautiful, fun, exciting and deeply exhilarating way.

Uniquely you power

Humans are unique. The cool thing about being human is that uniqueness. It’s powerful. The ones doing what everyone else does make their experiences not unique. The key to a wonderful life filled with everything one wants is leveraging that uniqueness.

Part of that leverage comes from knowing the Universe has your back. Hard to know that when you don’t know how that works. But that’s what The Transamorous Network is about. You see, the Universe already knows this lesbian woman’s match. It’s already got her ready to meet this transgender woman.

But the transgender woman keeps thinking thoughts (telling stories) that prevent her from going where her mate is! Her mate is not at a bar. Nor is she online!

Way worth repeating: Most people try what others do to get what they want. Instead of relying on their connection to their inner knowing, which is their connection to the Universe, they look at what others do and copy that. Or they allow others to influence them into doing differently from what they feel would work.

Doing that, they limit the Universe’s unlimited power to deliver what they want in a surprising, delightful way.

The best way to meet your match is by finding positive things about your life and emphasizing those things by talking about only those. (Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash)

It’s more fun “by accident”

Surprise and delight implies “by accident”. It implies one minds their own business. While doing that, enjoying their lives, doing things they like, they make themselves happy. They see no problems.

Meanwhile, the Universe is on it. It’s giving everyone hunches of where to go, what to do, what to look at.

It’s doing the same thing with your future partner. If she’s a match, she’s doing the same thing you’re doing. She’s enjoying life, doing things she likes. She’s not telling negative stories about where you are and why she can’t find you. Instead, she’s following her hunches. Just as you are…or should or could be.

Then, one day, you’re driving down the road. On your right, you notice a doughnut shop. At that precise moment, your gut says, “turn into the doughnut shop!”

You’re not hungry for doughnuts, but the hunch, the impulse is there. You like doughnuts, but you’ve never been to this shop before. You’re kinda hesitant to go, but you’ve practiced following your hunches and telling positive stories about your wonderful female partner.

So, instead of saying “I’m not hungry,” and drive on, you say “what the hell,” and turn into the driveway.

The only open parking space is next to a late model BMW. You pull in. You’re now facing the street. The shop is behind you. When you open the door to get out, you accidentally hit a woman who’s trying to get into the passenger door of the BMW. Startled, she turns around, you look up…and…out of your mouth come the perfect words…

…Next thing you know it, you two are on a date getting to know each other.

That’s how it works

Viola! No dating sites. No hangovers or late nights. You stopped trying to find her. Instead, it just happened, seemingly by accident.

Only it’s NOT an accident.

How does that happen?

  • You stop telling negative stories about what you want.
  • Then you make yourself a match to your desire, by telling positive stories about what you want.
  • Then you start noticing how good you feel after consistently telling positive stories.
  • The better you feel, the more “happy accidents” start happening in your life.
  • That’s when you discover a quiet voice inside of you giving you instructions on what to do, where to go.
  • The more you follow those, the more “happy accidents” happen.
  • Then came the one “accident” you wanted in a delightful, surprising way.

It was almost as if the Universe was promising you what it had up its sleeve and guided you right to where it pulled the rabbit out of the hat!

And that’s exactly what it is doing for people telling positive stories.

We show people how

This is how our clients create amazing lives. They learn what you just read. Then they put it into practice. The practice shows them it’s working. The more it shows them, the more excited and happy they get. Before they know it, their lives improve at a phenomenal pace. Then they sound like this:

A client shares how telling positive stories about her life created a way more positive life.

No one came into the world to do what others are doing. That especially includes transgender people. But everyone gets mixed up about this because physical reality is initially bewildering.

We show transgender people and those who love them how to get the love they want easily and effortlessly. That’s the way they knew it could happen before reality’s initial bewildering nature threw them off track.

Finding a lover, whether you’re trans, lesbian or trans-attracted needn’t be the struggle most make it. But it is when people tell stories making it that way.

Tell better stories, and the world becomes your oyster. Not only that, you get to decide what kind of pearl you find.

Ready to create find pearl? We’re here to help.

How Lesbian Trans Women Best Meet Great Matches

Photo by We-Vibe Toys on Unsplash

Editor’s note: this post comes in two parts. The second part follows next week.

Good news: Transgender men and cis women now write us asking for advice on creating dating success. We always knew this would happen. The Transamorous Network exists to assist the entire transgender community. That always included transgender men.

It also includes anyone who feels attracted to transgender people. And of course, it includes transgender women who are lesbian.

Today, we’re offering this post addressing the latter group. Specifically, we’re responding to the following comment we recently got via our contact page:

My problem with all of this is: what about transgender women who are not attracted to men? I am one of those. Yes, I have had bisexual encounters in the past, but that was purely to satisfy a sexual desire at the time.

I honestly have never felt any attraction towards men, hence if I’m thinking about a committed relationship, I would love to hear how and where a transgender female can meet someone that is potentially interested in her. I find it a very tricky topic: going to a typical lesbian venue could easily lead to having difficulties because of being a trans person. And that seriously limits the options to meet someone. I genuinly have not been able to think of a solution for this challenge. So, I would love to see an article on it!

To start, we’re going to burst a bubble. Don’t worry, it’s a good thing. Ready?

Lesbian dating isn’t unique

Some people think their status, whatever it is, makes them unique. Recently on, we got a disparaging comment attempting to chastise us for offering advice to the transgender community when The Transamorous Network founder, who is non-binary and prefers “they/them” pronouns, themselves aren’t trans.

Our response to that person is the same response we offer everyone. The “trans” experience is not special. Nor is it unique. Like any other experience people experience, the transgender experience is a HUMAN experience. The same holds for transgender women who know themselves to be lesbian.

And, since the human experience fits in with the way the Universe works, the best, most fun way for transgender women who love women to meet their matches coincides with the way transgender heterosexual women and trans-attracted men meet their matches.

Said differently: transgender lesbian humans and their experiences are highly susceptible to stories such people tell about their experiences. In fact, it is ONLY their stories influencing their experiences.

Now some might respond with the worn out trope about blaming victims. Pessimistic people will say women who get raped aren’t creating that reality. They’ll jump to such examples while not thinking about what they’re saying.

As hard as it might be to hear, people experience rape the same way people who get what they want experience that. Were that false, if any exception existed to what we offer as “Universal Laws”, these “laws” couldn’t be called “laws”.

It doesn’t matter what you are. You can have everything you want. But you first must become a match. Living a transgender experience combined with a lesbian experience makes it no more difficult.

Extraordinary opportunity

What so many miss when they get caught up in the false “rape/victim blame scenario”, is the ENORMOUS power and ability available in the statement “stories create reality.”

If “stories create reality” is true (it is), then NOTHING IS OFF THE TABLE. Everything is possible. Everything! Not only is everything possible, everything possible (that’s everything) can happen with no effort on anyone’s part.

So not only can everyone get ANYTHING they want, they can get it super EASY.

This means a transgender lesbian meeting her perfect match is super easy. All she need do is figure out how “stories create reality”, then implement that how.

Our clients get this. That’s why their lives excite them. And, the more evidence they create proving to them “stories create reality”, the more excited they get.

Their excitement comes accompanied by happiness. After all, how can you not be happy when you see everything you want, and then some, happening?

So smart people who hear “stories create reality” immediately see this extraordinary opportunity. The opportunity to create and have anything they want. Instead of jumping to the “rape/victim blaming scenario”, smart people will say “tell me how this works!”

There’s no reason a transgender person’s experience shouldn’t be filled with self-fulfilling desires. And, those desires can happen easy, making life equally easy.

How stories create mis-matches

Let’s just accept for now that “stories create reality”, whether you believe that or not. From that accurate assertion then, let’s examine the comment we got through our website. You’ll see how the commenter’s stories create the reality she experiences as described in the comment. Here it is again. No scrolling up required:

My problem with all of this is: what about transgender women who are not attracted to men? I am one of those. Yes, I have had bisexual encounters in the past, but that was purely to satisfy a sexual desire at the time.

I honestly have never felt any attraction towards men, hence if I’m thinking about a committed relationship, I would love to hear how and where a transgender female can meet someone that is potentially interested in her. I find it a very tricky topic: going to a typical lesbian venue could easily lead to having difficulties because of being a trans person. And that seriously limits the options to meet someone. I genuinly have not been able to think of a solution for this challenge. So, I would love to see an article on it!

The first story the writer offers is that “there is a problem”.

If a person thinks a problem exists, they need an answer. The problem with finding the answer is, if one keeps looking at the problem, they can’t get the answer. That’s why it’s so hard to find something that’s lost.

So long as our friend here looks at her problem “finding out how to meet a woman she can love”, for example, she is not open to the solution. So it won’t come.

That’s the first story she must soothe.

How does she do that?

Create better stories

She makes up any number of stories that turn “the problem” into something else. Any of these will work:

  • Lots of times in the past I discovered an answer about X. I can do that again.
  • I don’t have to know the answer to get the answer
  • I’m eager to see how I will meet my wonderful match
  • I don’t need to be in a hurry about this
  • I have plenty of time to figure this out
  • More challenging things have worked out in my life than this

These new stories can soothe the “problem story” our friend keeps telling into irrelevance.

The old saw “what you resist persists” is true. So does “what you look at continues to be”. If our friend doesn’t like that she can’t find a female lover, she must stop looking at the fact that she doesn’t have one and can’t find one. Sounds crazy, but that’s only because people don’t understand why this works.

The key to coming up with better feeling stories is new stories that make the story teller feel better. That means the ability to feel is extremely important.

In part two, we’ll continue looking at stories this woman tells that keeps her not having what she wants. Then recommend how she can get exactly what she wants.

Trans Women: How To Get Love You Believe You Can’t Have

The Transamorous Network
The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

I’m 32, pre-transition and really struggling to cope after years of repression. I don’t know what do. I am in so much pain. I’m so lost. I’ll be honest I spent all night last night reading your site and crying. I saw there multiple times where one of the writers said ‘you only need one’ and it really woke me up. It’s not the first time I thought the same thing. There’s millions of men in the world surely one can love me?

Lonely and longing

Hi Lonely,

While it is true you only need one, literally thousands of men will (not can) love you. Millions “can” love you.

And yes, if you’re monogamous, you only need one of those multiple millions or multiple thousands of men.

The problem comes from where you stand relative to that man. Looking for love and not finding it resembles looking for sunglasses you think you lost.

You can’t find what you think is lost

I just ended a client session this morning where the client described how she lost her sunglasses. She looked for them everywhere, throughout her house…even in her car. No sunglasses.

Then she realized they were on her head the whole time. She pushed them up there earlier and forgot. Since she forgot, she tried “finding” them. She didn’t remember where she put them (on her head) because she stood in the “story” (the belief), that her sunglasses were “lost”.

Finally, she gave up looking for them and went on her errand. “Giving up” means, she let go of the story “I want my sunglasses. But I can’t find them.”

“I want my sunglasses. But I can’t find them” made it impossible – literally for her –to realize the glasses on her head. So close they were!

Yet, she couldn’t see them. She couldn’t even feel them!

You stand in the exact same place about this man you want. You literally can’t find him while telling stories you tell yourself, about boys/men, about love, about relationships, about YOURSELF about you being trans, about your worthiness and deservedness when it comes to loving relationships.

Meanwhile, just like my client and her sunglasses on her head, the man you want is as close as that. He’s literally moving around you all day every day.

But when you tell the equivalent of “I want my sunglasses. But I can’t find them” across all these subjects, he is as invisible and as lost as my client’s sunglasses.

And when you try to find him, you just exacerbate his invisibility.

You can’t find something missing, absent or lost while you think it’s missing absent or lost. Your beliefs (your thinking) create your reality (your life).

Becoming a finder

And yet, the pain you feel brings benefits. That pain tells you something important. But if you don’t know what it tells, you can’t benefit. It sucks when most people experience pain, especially emotional pain, for this reason. Most don’t know what pain offers.

I can’t offer something in an email that will move you out of your pain and into your ideal love relationship. That takes a while. My client load exists for that reason. But if you want, we can start that work together. Clearly, you’ve read a lot of our material, so you sense what we do and its effectiveness.

The good news: you came into the world knowing you’d have this experience. You WANTED it and you knew it would be an extremely rewarding and world changing one.

But like everyone (almost everyone), you’ve forgotten this knowing (like the sunglasses on your head) in the face of physical reality’s bewildering nature. Its detail, real-ness and solidity seem so real! And objectively separate from you.

We help people remember what they forgot, then show them how to use what they remember so they create reality in which what they want happens. When that happens, life for them gets as fun as we write about.


Outstanding Transgender Dating Results Start With One Thing

Photo by Nathan Walker on Unsplash

If you’re trans attracted and want that perfect partner, you first gotta understand one thing that will kibosh any intent to get what you want.

You’ll still get what you want. But it will end in sadness.

I recently chatted with a Transamorous man who experienced this first hand. He moved from trans-attraction to transamory years ago. Since living out loud and proud about what he likes, he enjoyed meeting quite attractive transgender women, some of whom he dated for years.

But each relationship left him sad. Pointing out the one thing leading to his sadness triggered tears he barely kept back. For his dating experience confirmed this one thing knocking out cold some cis-trans relationships’ potential.

That one thing really comprises two things. If you don’t know them and you’re trans attracted, you’ll not only not see it when you get what you want, you won’t keep it either.

Everyone’s a stepping stone

Transgender women experience life moving from one state to another on the way to an ideal vision of “self”. Unlike most people, their transition keeps them in near constant dissatisfaction about one thing or another. That dissatisfaction offers tremendous motivation. Especially when the woman sees potential on the horizon.

For example, some trans women aspire to professions which reward them for their extreme, post-surgery good looks, their stature and unique aspects, which make them natural runway fits. Modeling, acting or other performance professions offer such opportunity. These professions also offer wonderful life styles and, of course, lots of money. Such lifestyles also come with many gorgeous, successful men.

Others who may not meet those standards, still recognize their physical appearance exceeds those of many cis-women, making them highly desirable. Even for “straight men”, whatever that means, some transgender women turn male heads wherever they go. That makes them highly desirable…and they know it. Just ask any high-priced transgender “escort”. 😱

Many trans-attracted men target such women as their ideal partner. They wish for and idealize such women, who they often see in porn, on Only Fans, or other online venues such as Instagram or Tumblr.

But most transgender women like these, on their way to that success, still want companionship, love, attention and validation. So on their way, they’ll accept relationships with men they will eventually consider not up to the quality they know they can attract. That’s where you come in.

Transgender women like actress and vocal performer Alexandra Grey pursue, and often get, stardom. Are you really up to par with that kind of success? (Instagram)

In other words, trans-attracted men sometimes become stepping stones for these transgender women. They satisfy their companionship, attention and validation needs through you as they move towards their ideal self and their ideal lives.

Dating people temporarily needs no justification. Most relationships don’t last and aren’t meant to. That’s ok.

You must up your game

But if you want that top-shelf transgender woman and you don’t qualify yourself as top shelf, even if you get her, you won’t likely keep her.

The guy I spoke with experienced this first hand. He met a girl shortly after her transition. They connected right away, began dating and enjoyed one another.

Then COVID struck. As with many relationships, constant close proximity strained their relationship. One day, the woman told this guy some bad news. She knew she had tremendous potential as a model. What she didn’t say the guy understood instinctively. As she fulfilled that dream, her tastes, and opportunity to satisfy those tastes, would change. That meant, he no longer offered what she wanted.

I know very beautiful transgender women aspire to top shelf everything. Yes, exceptions exist. But most, I would argue, like most people, react to social conditioning. They seek what society says they should. That leaves many a regular guy shooting for such top shelf women, only to face disappointment later.

People sometimes ask “Well, Perry if your approach works, where’s your relationship?”

I tell them I’m patient. I’m in no hurry. My match and I are still becoming. We will meet when I am at my peak. That moment evolves as I write this, as I develop this platform, Positively Focused and Copiosis. Each of these grows more successful. While more people discover them, I become more well-known. Before long, large numbers of people will know me and my passions. As my passions influence the world more, I become more influential.

That notoriety will create a global awareness of who I am. That will galvanize attention from my partner, who themselves will also enjoy global notoriety, or at least be at that “level” in their own life.

In other words, I’m creating self and stature matching the person I know I eventually will partner with. I call that upping my game. A Transamorous Network client once called that “becoming the best version of me.”

Every sock meets an old shoe

Not all trans-attracted men need become movie stars, billionaires, world leaders or other kinds of influentials in order to meet their match. But if someone aspires to relationships with highly attractive, successful, intelligent, secure, confident transgender women, that person must also be attractive, successful, secure and confident.

Otherwise the two won’t match.

The good news lies in the fact that everyone comes into life with natural gifts. Nurture those and one can’t help become influential in their own way. Like this transgender woman who once also had multiple personalities. She lives out loud about this. As a result she enjoys 133,000 subscribers and helps people like her.

Trans-attraction represents one such gift. Usually, gifts come in combinations. Rarely does a person enjoy only one. So trans-attracted men all come with more than trans-attraction as a gift.

A smarmy saying offers wisdom. It goes “every old sock meets an old shoe.” It means, every person can potentially meet their match and that match can offer great satisfaction, comfort and ease. But enjoying that satisfaction first requires becoming a match to that satisfaction.

That happens when one ultimately finds out how to create life in which their wildest dreams become reality. At The Transamorous Network we show people, transgender and trans-attracted how to do that.

Get what matters most

The perfect partner needn’t be a model or movie star. Fame doesn’t guarantee relationship success. But many people live far short of their ideal, leaving them desperate, insecure and unsatisfied.

Desperation, insecurity and dissatisfaction offer terrible foundations upon which to build a relationship. And, they tend to draw people living in similar states.

If you want that perfect trans girl and you, yourself, aren’t perfect (whatever that means for you), prepare for disappointment. But many sane, happy, fun, easy-going transgender women exist. They may not be models, but they can offer love, companionship, relationship and affection.

And in the end, when all the glam fades and it’s just you two, what really matters? Model-like appearance? Influence? Fame? Or things like honesty, integrity, communication and trust? Most people I talk with, including transgender women, when I remind them of what matters, act surprised.

Hopefully you’re not. Avoid the kibosh. Revise what you look for in your trans partner. Focus on becoming your best you. Tell positive stories about everything. Then see what happens.

What Happened After Meeting His Perfect Trans Lover 😰

Photo by whoislimos on Unsplash

Some trans-attracted…strike that…nearly every trans-attracted man struggles with patience. Transgender women do too. Because they struggle, their choices invite much pain and drama. Especially in relationships.

Or, they hide. And in their hiding, they lead minuscule lives compared to what they could live.

This post tells of a client learning how not to live that way. He still struggles though, because he hasn’t yet mastered how to live differently. He’s on his way though.

His story still contains value for transgender women and trans-attracted men striving for love. So I’m sharing it knowing it will help a lot of people.

“Jeffrey” came to The Transamorous Network 12 months ago. He struggled with dysphoria and trans-attraction, living authentically and finding love. Cis-women relationships never worked out and his life, as I said above, was very small.

What’s more, Christian beliefs kept him in a nearly continuous state of self-judging his desires and his life choices as wrong and bad. Those religious beliefs combined with equally disempowering beliefs adopted from his family upbringing. Latter beliefs made him feel financially responsible for his family, but at the same time resentful towards them when, in his opinion, they spent frivolously.

It doesn’t have to take long but often does

Jeffrey spent 11 of our 12 months together denying his unhappiness. He filled our time talking about lighthearted topics and tangents. All the while he avoided what he really wanted to talk about. Things such as his trans attraction, his sexual activity preferences and his discomfort in his religion.

Whenever I brought those up, he stammered, hesitated, went quiet or humorously changed the topic. I never pressured him because I knew he needed to build trust.

It doesn’t have to take 12 months to see progress so impressive clients double down on what they’re learning. But Jeffrey’s unworthiness, lack of deservedness, the belief that he is a sinner and condemned to going to hell because of what he feels and wants, made quick progress impossible.

For the average client, impressive evidence comes immediately. Once seen, clients eagerly progress. They create lives they love. Seeing that happen, they relax into their lives and lose that frantic “doing” mode born of impatience.

After all, when one sees their life improving at an incredible rate, when they feel better than before, relaxing becomes easy. They know, in time, they will have everything they want. That’s because they see evidence of everything becoming the way they want. Easily and effortlessly. Like the trans woman in this audio who also is a client:

Jeffrey wasn’t an average client though. So he struggled a long time. This included, as I said above, making choices that were not in his best interest, even though I frequently suggested he not make such choices.

Online dating: never the best way

One of those choices involved searching for his partner through online dating. Online dating, despite its popularity, brings many challenges. I’ve written about this before so I’m not going to go into those.

What I will say is, often, nearly always, online dating feels like drudgery, monotony and hard work. A person can’t possibly feel good wading through all those profiles, many of which overstate people’s strong points and skip over people’s baggage.

Now consider nearly everyone else on such sites feel similarly. And while a majority of online daters report positive experiences, nearly every match reflects that desperation. That may be why nearly half of people using such sites say their experiences leave them feeling frustrated.

Maybe that’s also why only 12 percent of online dating matches result in long term relationships or marriage. The figure is near double that for LGBTQ identified people. But 20 percent is still a small number.

Feelings making dating doubly tough

Like everyone else, Jeffrey’s desperation compounded with desolation. His last relationship, with a cis gender woman ended more than 20 years ago. He knew he wanted a transgender parter. But his stories about himself as a trans-attracted man and about transgender women made finding her difficult.

For example, he believes trans-attractive men use trans women as fetish objects. In other words, he does not believe his trans attraction is wholesome and natural. He also judges harshly his own desire for trans women who enjoy using their penises. Jeffrey’s religious beliefs played an important role in his struggles too. Such strong stories, with their accompanying condemnation, directly conflict with his desire.

All of these stories created within Jeffrey strong emotions, all of which told him something. But up until the 11th month, when he finally had what he thought was a good shot with a trans woman, Jeffrey did not understand what his emotions told him.

Insecurity, trepidation, anxiety, unworthiness, self-reproach, embarrassment, and shame boiled in him like a message cocktail. But he couldn’t decipher the messages.

Anytime someone feels such emotions, action should never top the “to do” list. A better approach involves addressing stories creating these emotional responses. Only then can one avoid drama created through stories creating those emotions. We talk about this all the time in The Transamorous Network material. Here’s our into video explaining our accurate premise:

Jeffrey meets his perfect match

As I said though, many men who find themselves attracted to transgender women struggle with impatience. Transgender women do too. Both parties don’t understand what we talk about at the The Transamorous Network. So instead of finding love they want, they instead try to “make” relationships happen while ignoring stories they tell keeping relationships they want from showing up.

That’s what nearly everybody does while using online dating sites. They double down on existing stories then get what such stories create.

No wonder so many online dating users experience frustration. 🤷🏽‍♂️

One day Jeffrey came to his session super happy. The dating site he used matched him with a transgender woman. I knew immediately this spelled T-R-O-U-B-L-E. He had done nothing about his stories. I knew she matched Jeffrey perfectly. But that wasn’t a good thing.

If you read everything up until this point, and you read other material from The Transamorous Network, you know everyone a person meets is a match to who they meet, the person they’re meeting matching who they’re being at that moment. So if a person doesn’t do anything about their stories, who they meet matches them perfectly, including disempowering stories they currently hold true for themselves.

Think about stories Jeffrey believed. Now just assume for the moment, what we say is true: you create your reality, including relationships, through stories you tell. If that’s true, and it is, you can guess how this new relationship went…

The honeymoon ended…quick

In session, Jeffrey shared things he liked about this person. Let’s call her “Alice”. He liked her extreme femininity. He adored how passable she looked. She said all the right things in text messages and phone calls. She had good employment as he does. Alice also enjoyed having and using her penis.

Needless to say, right away, they connected. And of course they would – they were a perfect match! Especially they’re stories!

Jeffrey raved about hours and hours they spent on phone calls and text message conversations. Such conversations became hours-long video calls. “We have to plan when we talk to each other because our talks last so long,” he once said excitedly.

Video calls turned into an in-person meetup. Alice and Jeffrey both felt excited. Jeffrey talked about it the session before they met.

While their date approached, Jeffrey felt insecurities surface. Valiantly he used what he learned in his sessions, which allowed Jeffrey a nice win:

Jeffrey using what he learned in his sessions to soothe negative stories.

Pain and drama: been there, done that

Then Jeffrey came to the session after his date excited and happy. It went very well. Too well, some might say. Instead of taking it slow, both he and Alice “went all in”, literally staying in the hotel room the entire weekend having sex.

Both reported enjoying their time together, according to Jeffrey. But not long after that eventful weekend, insecurities born of negative stories in both parties surfaced. Despite the reported wonderful time both enjoyed, their insecurities caused Jeffrey and Alice to interpret the weekend anew. It sounded like a different weekend altogether!

Alice accused Jeffrey of using her. Jeffrey worried out loud about Alice’s drinking and her tendency to try to force Jeffrey to drink more than he wanted. Alice felt Jeffrey judged her the whole weekend. Jeffrey felt angered because Alice at first put him on a pedestal but now had kicked that pedestal out from under him.

Jeffrey went even further in his worries. He wondered if her drinking and her blistering critique of certain American populations indicated a potential relationship red flag. Alice went further too, by blaming Jeffrey for taking time away from her GED studies!

In other words, both parties shared similar and complimentary negative stories. Stories which triggered negative interpretations about the other party. The honeymoon: over before it began.

Wonder what a perfect match looks like when a person doesn’t attend to their negative stories? Here you go:

Jeffrey doubling down on disempowering stories. Stories about himself, about transgender women, and about Alice.

It gets worse before it gets better

Days later, Jeffrey wanted to cancel his session. Things turned worse for him and for he and Alice. The unraveling relationship triggered other stories Jeffrey has about himself and relationships, stories he thought he resolved long ago. I encouraged continuing with the session knowing it would do him good.

Jeffrey wanting to bail, then realizing a new approach.

Jeffrey didn’t realize it, but this experience offered tons of opportunity. Hopefully you see the opportunity. Not only did his relationship show him how his stories created the match he experienced with Alice, it also surfaced other stories he has about himself. Stories he absolutely MUST change if he wants a relationship that lasts.

We touched on this in our next text exchange:

Not long after this exchange, the after our session, Jeffrey’s mood improved. Out of that improvement he saw more clearly how his stories created everything he experienced. I wasn’t shocked, but at the same time I was. Here he had a roller coaster relationship, lasting less than a month and he learned so much.

Weeks after Alice and Jeffrey stopped talking altogether, Jeffrey confided that he would no longer use dating websites. He also resolved to double down on his practice through The Transamorous Network. This experience, he said, showed him with no doubt how his persistent stories created everything he experienced with Alice. He also saw how her stories did the same for her and how both their stories created their mutual experience.

Moving forward in his power

Today Jeffrey confidently comes to each session transformed. He’s more upfront and clear about his stories, especially about what he enjoys and what he wants in a relationship. This clarity also spills into his other life areas, just as we promise the work does.

The Transamorous Network invites people to look at a new way of creating their relationships. That new way includes more power and capability than doing it the way everyone else does.

But this new way works on all life areas, not just on relationships. That’s why clients report their entire lives get better in addition to getting new perspectives on relationships they want. Impatience disappears and in its place comes certainty, self-love and clarity about one’s power in life.

From there, and only there, can someone create a relationship worth having. That’s what we want for all trans-attracted men and transgender women. For in transforming what’s possible for these two groups in the realm of relationships, entire lives also transforms for the better.

This is what we guarantee and this is what clients get. Having that includes, of course, finding one’s perfect match easily and effortlessly.

The best way to get that great relationship is by first having a great relationship with yourself. Get that and everything else falls in place.