How To Meet Your Match - The Transamorous Network

April 12, 2022February 11, 2022

The Best Way To Live: Focus In The Unfolding

Everyone lives in the past. That seems like nonsense, but bear with me as I describe why that is. With just a little practice telling positive stories under their belt – about yourself and the world surrounding you – you’ll realize how accurate that statement is. But if you don’t see life through telling positive stories, “everyone lives in the past” sounds like nonsense.

But it’s not. The reason everyone lives in the past is because they, through science and traditional education, learn a screwy perspective.

We’re all taught “the present” is where we live. Things that happened “before” – that’s they past, we’re told. Things that haven’t happened – that’s the future. So people strive to live in the “present”, that place standing in between this commonly accepted past and future.

The best, and most satisfying way to live though lines up with breaking free of traditional, common knowledge. Stepping out of traditional, commonly accepted knowledge, turns hum-drum, ordinary, uninspiring lives into lives where all your dreams happen. Including dreams of finding your perfect partner, whether you’re transgender or trans-attracted.

Why change perspectives?

Getting that partner means changing perspectives. It seems we live in the “present”, in the “now”, our current experience. Birds fly about. Dogs bark. Cars whoosh by. Winds blow through trees. Yep, that looks like the present. From a universal perspective though, this is not the present.

This is the past. It represents stories – thoughts and beliefs – that have happened already. From a universal perspective, which is the same perspective your Broader Perspective has, humanity’s commonly believed “present” is not the present or the now. It is the past. It’s manifestED.

Why is this so important? How does one benefit by changing perspective?

It’s important because every human is a creator. They create by observing, then telling stories about what they observe. Conclusions, thoughts, desires, preferences…they all represent the same thing: Stories. Stories represent cosmic focus, which channeled, moves all of creation toward immediately fulfilling the story as it’s told.

That means, when a person looks at what people commonly agree is the present, which is past manifestation, and they conclude randomly about that, they create more of what’s manifested in a random manner. That’s why the world seems to mostly stay as it is.

All kinds of things happen in the manifestED version of life, which is the past. But it’s the manifestING version of life everyone knew they wanted to live in when they decided to become human. (Photo by Aditya Vyas)

“No” means “yes”

So if a person or a group doesn’t like what they see, and they rail against that, they create more of that. Pushing against anything already manifestED means giving attention to and focus on that. Again, attention begins the process of creation. It doesn’t matter if “attention” one gives sounds like “I don’t like this”. The person giving attention will get what they don’t like. That’s what they’re putting their attention on, after all.

The Universe doesn’t understand English (or any other language). It only understands vibration. Attention is vibration. It doesn’t matter if you look at something and say “I don’t want this”. Your vibration of attention, whether you like what you attend to or not, tells the Universe “give me more of this”.

This is why things like transphobia, TERF-ism, political division and such continue long after people want something better or different. It’s why JK Rowling continues doing and saying what she does and says. Everyone’s looking at what’s happening, then concluding in ways that create more of what they’re looking at.

In other words, they live in the manifested. The past.

Such things take so long to change because humans also stand opposed to what they want, even when they think they are standing in alignment with what they want. Those wanted things are coming and will manifest though. Which is why, often, future generations benefit from what previous generations wanted. While those previous generations die off in a state of not getting what they want.

Then what’s a better way?

People creating their lives consciously know the commonly known present moment is actually the past. They spend little to no attention there. Instead, they stand in the Unfolding Present, the Moment of Becoming, as Seth calls it.

What is the Unfolding Present?

The Unfolding Present is the no-space space from where the new, the manifestING emerges. It is the instantaneous now, each now-moment, fresh and full of creative vitality. And it’s a place one can experience with practice, just like they now experience the commonly-believed present moment, which is the past.

Now all moments contain creative vitality. But the Unfolding Present holds incipient creative vitality. It is the fountain from which creation springs. The Unfoldling Present exists someplace other than physical reality. Which is why telling positive stories is necessary. For the Unfolding Present is purely positive. Telling positive stories aligns one with that.

Figuring it out through play

This “space” that is the Unfolding Present is a state of being. It’s the state in which children dwell before they’re indoctrinated into “growing up”. Some call it the “flow state”, others call it imagination. Children call it “playing”.

How I prefer describing it is that place in which one knows one’s desires are done, and from that knowing, one relaxes into the IS-ness of being. Being there is obvious because that being-state feels WONDERFUL.

Figuring out how to be in that state is hard to grasp. Now you can see why something like The Transamorous Network is required. Usually people need assistance figuring out how to balance playfulness and what people think is “Adulting”.

But getting there is inevitable, because that’s the basis of everyone’s Broader Perspective state. And everyone’s Broader Perspective wants them experiencing the real present moment, the Unfolding Present or the Moment of Becoming.

Most don’t get there until they make their after-death transition. That needn’t be your fate though.

This illustrated guide offers a complete description of the Moment of Becoming, the actual present moment, and its relationship to All That Is. View the complete guide here on our sister site.

The Charmed Life

The reason your Broader Perspective wants you there is because it is from there that all you want unfolds. Whether conscious of it or not, the Moment of Becoming or the Unfolding Present shoots out of you, turning the ManifestED into something else.

For most people, “something else” looks like exactly what they’re looking at or focused on. Which is why the commonly accepted “present” looks stable. It’s also, as I wrote above, why social change happens slowly.

If one remains unconscious of this state, the Charmed Life remains concealed behind random creations, those manifestations springing from the Moment of Becoming that look a lot like everyone’s commonly accepted present or even the commonly accepted past as well as their persistent beliefs or stories. That’s why car makers, for example, often “renew” models they created for the first time decades ago.

Become conscious of this state though, and your foot comes off the brakes. A new momentum reveals itself, as well as a new way of perceiving. Then your Charmed Life reveals itself to you. From there, you discover, or rather rediscover, childhood wonder.

The world looks fresh, new, constantly. And, you also perceive your desires unfolding, including romantic ones. As you focus more there, you give attention to that.

As I wrote above, attention begins the creation process. So attention on what you want, instead of what you don’t, creates what you want, instead of more of what you have, which often is what you don’t want.

When you perceive that always happening, you live the Charmed Life while standing in its Unfolding. Nothing beats that.

The Charmed Life flows from those who practice telling positive stories. There, one discovers the Universe as a wish-granting jewel, through which life becomes easy.

A personal advanced example

This morning as I’m writing this, I’m thrilled with an experience I enjoyed coming from nonphysical. I came to at about 4 a.m.

Laying in bed, I perceived dreams wherein I taught myself an advanced version of what you’re reading about. In the dream, I felt deep satisfaction while standing in the “now” that contains all my current desires. Some of my desires are extraordinary. Some others represent experiences I know will thrill me as they manifest more.

But what I got in the dream state, then amplified while awake in bed, was standing in the fulfillment of those desires is the Moment of Becoming. And when I “stand” there, I don’t feel excitement, or thrill. Instead, I feel a calm, stable knowing. A knowing born from seeing my desires surrounding me, fully manifested.

This state of awareness makes me a match to my FULFILLED desires. Thinking about them as though I want them, as though I don’t have them, has me standing in the manifestED space. There, I can’t have fulfilled desire because if I still want them, I’m focused on the fact that they aren’t there/here.

“Standing where I want them” is where nearly every trans-attracted person and transgender person stands while trying to “find” their lover. Standing there makes it very, very difficult to get that person.

As mentioned, it takes practice being in a body while focused on and living in the Unfolding. But I assure you, the feeling that comes with being there, fully-tuned to one’s Broader Perspective and living witness to one’s Charmed Life is unmatched.

My experience with it lead me to offer what I’ve experienced to others. Now that a stable of clients produce their version of my results, their results confirm and amplify my own. Nothing matches this life, where my spirituality not only is my income, it also generates profound wonder of All That Is.

You can have this too

*The upward spiral of the Charmed Life. Every Transamorous Network client eventually ends up here, guaranteed. (Illustration: My own work)*

Two of my clients have begun the intermediate practice. They are blown away by experiences they had with earlier stages. Those stages and results they produced acted like positive feedback loops. I wrote about this upward spiral before on my sister site.

When a person discovers this practice, then practices it, early results are instant. But they’re not so convincing because humans get trained out of understanding what’s introduced. Nevertheless everyone gets them, which is why I offer my money-back guarantee.

But those results kick off a process that’s one-way and inevitable. In a short while for some, a while longer for others, those initial results turn into more obvious results.

Taught how to see these, the client gets excited. Then they want more results, so they do the practice more. More practice amplifies their results, which means more and more convincing results happen.

Before long, clients stand convinced the Charmed Life is real. And the more they reach for it, the more it reveals itself. In time, the client is ready for more advanced practice.

Everyone comes into the world knowing the Charmed Life awaits them. But few get there because they accept indoctrination from others who are oblivious to what’s going on.

That’s ok. It’s usually not fatal. But that does lead to mediocre lives.

You don’t want one of those, do you?

PS – this post flew from my fingers after using the bathroom. I had felt the impulse come while in the bathroom and, because I practice following such impulses, I experienced delight watching this post flow. Thanks for reading it. I know you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed is manifested unfolding.

March 22, 2022January 26, 2022

Settling In Relationships: The Great Pandemic Of Our Times

A Transamorous Network Client sent a text this week which offers a wonderful clarifying perspective. It shows distinctly why people settle in most areas of their lives, having given up on their dreams.

Some people push back when I say nearly everyone settles, especially when it comes to finding a partner. But when one understands how the Universe works, and why people act how they do while not knowing how the Universe works, one realizes why settling is indeed the greatest pandemic of our times.

And not just in relationships.

Why no one wants to settle but nearly everyone does

Wayne Dyer once wrote “you’ll see it when you believe it.”

That statement accurately reflects how the Universe works. A person who talks themselves into believing something, will, in time, discover that something to be “true”. No matter what it is, or how crazy others think it, a person who believes will see what they believe.

This is how the Universe works. It constantly reflects back to all of us what we believe. It does this so we can adjust our beliefs so they align with what we want, then receive what we want. No matter what that is.

Knowing this is power. For knowing this, one can create any reality one wants. All one needs is sufficient belief.

But the universal experience of “emergence” (commonly called “birth”) is, when a person comes through a vagina, the experience of physical reality, combined with their forgetting who and what they are, creates bewilderment. In that bewildered state, the eternal being, now human, flails a bit for stability. Usually, that means leaning on others who came before. Initially that’s usually parents.

Indoctrination begins

But after a while it also includes teachers, what one sees on TV and peers. It also includes the immediate environment and personal experiences. Having forgotten their eternal nature and origin, for humans, physical reality trumps internal reality. As surroundings take precedence, it appears that reality exists separate from the perceiver. That’s not ever the case. But that’s what it looks like.

So the perceiver begins to “believe what they see”, not realizing what’s really happening; that they are seeing what they believe. Much of what they see and what they learn from others, who are equally if not more out to lunch about what’s really happening than new arrivals, appears to be that the world is random, scary, limited and requires struggle and pain.

In that world, one must “get real”, stop living youthful fantasies, get a job and carry their own weight. This applies not only to earning a living, but to every other aspect of life. Including relationships.

So the result of all this flawed thinking is people give up on their dreams. Or they adopt mediocre goals from others, or parrot what others do. And since mostly everyone has “gotten real” and given up on their fantasies, it’s easy to see why people would settle for something less than their dreams.

No wonder so many live ordinary lives. And no wonder so many settle in relationships. That deftly explains the divorce rate as well.

The “dream” nearly everyone trades their authentic being and desires for. No one comes through a vagina explicitly wanting this. But nearly everyone compromises, then wonders how they got here.

My client’s experience proves the rule

“Alonzo” stood in exactly that place as he shared his thoughts this week. He texted a defense of his limited beliefs while not realizing that’s what he did. What he thought he did was explain “what’s true”.

But what’s true is whatever someone believes long enough. And usually, that means what someone adopted from others, from statistics, or observation, none of which has anything to do with getting what one wants.

Here’s what he texted.

My client “Alonzo” defending limitations inherent in his beliefs. Beliefs born from too much observation and not enough creation.

I know many, many trans-attracted men share similar ideas/beliefs because such men contact me regularly and say similar things.

But again, these things they say have no relevance to what they want. But they do create realities wherein what they want doesn’t exist. It’s no wonder then that they experience frustration and loneliness or, worse, hopelessness in finding their match.

Thinking such thoughts/telling such stories prevents such men from having what they want. What happens next is they settle, choosing to be with a cisgender woman, who can’t possibly (and shouldn’t) satisfy their desires. Then both the woman and the guy live a dissatisfying relationship until they separate in anger, frustration and resignation.

I’m not making this up. Two past clients lived that example. So I know many more have as well.

Some transgender women tell their version of these same stories. Which is why they live sad, lonely, frustrating lives. They’ll settle for a female partner, even though they prefer a male one. Or they go through dating “hell” online, where they kiss many, many frogs. Hell, all kinds of people tell such stories. Transgender women aren’t the only ones trying to solve their relationship dilemmas through online dating.

So let’s look at my client’s text, unpack these beliefs, then create new ones more consistent with what’s wanted. It’s not hard. And anyone can do it. Because everyone came into the world with this ability.

The way out of mediocre

Statistics offer a convenient analysis of a population. But every statistician will tell you that the closer to an individual member of that population, the less accurately that analysis will be. Statistics also don’t explain anything. They just describe a group of things or people based on measurable information.

Of course, we’re not using statistics when referring to how humans create reality. In this case, such things as stats become 100 percent irrelevant. Individual life experience is 100 percent subjective, meaning, no two people experience identical experiences. Nor do they ever conclude similarly.

What’s more, experiences an individual might have depend 100 percent on what they tell themselves. That’s the only thing – their beliefs – creating their experience.

So the problem with the belief that transgender women “…make up 0.6% of the population, and far fewer than that actually are physically attractive to me, are mentally stable, and like the type of sex that I do…” Isn’t that it’s untrue. It may be true.

But is that a truth that helps this guy or hinders him? Obvious it’s the latter. Because looking at this statement he can’t help but think something like “the odds of me meeting a girl I’ll like are infinitesimally small.” That thought will quickly cause feelings like hopelessness, discouragement, pessimism and despair. None of these will lead this guy to his match.

But there is a way out. If you’ve read this blog regularly, you know what it is. It starts with telling better stories.

*Finding your lover needn’t be frustrating. But it is when you’re telling stories that suck and you base your chances on the odds. (Photo by* *Adrian Swancar*)

Don’t listen to the odds

The problem with Alonzo’s first belief is, it limits in the extreme what’s available. Again, if he believes this tiny sliver of the population is the only sliver available, he can’t possibly feel anything other than hopelessness. Especially if he has no idea how to connect with that tiny group.

More important though is this. When a person believes this way, they limit in the extreme what the Universe can do for them. The Universe doesn’t give a rip about that statistic. It is a wish-granting jewel. Everything is possible through it.

But the creation process is controlled by the creator. Not the Universe. So if the creator doesn’t believe what he or she wants, he or she can’t enjoy what’s wanted.

Since Alonzo believes these stats as “true”, what the Universe delivers is what he believes. Again, the Universe can’t deliver something we don’t believe is possible, which is why Wayne Dyer makes his assertion that you will see it when you believe it. Alonzo doesn’t believe he can meet his match. So he doesn’t.

The power of Alonzo’s text, isn’t the statistics. It’s his belief in the statistics. That’s what creates the “truth” of the numbers. Not the “fact” that the numbers are true.

There’s a lot of universal truths in Star Wars. Including this one. Via GIPHY

No one needs a target rich environment

Nearly everyone believes they need a huge group of single people from which to sift through and find their match. But no one needs a large pool. Few people want to simultaneously have a relationship with more than 1-3 people. Most people want only one person. Do you really need a pool of people from which to get that one?

Well, you do need a target rich environment if you have crappy aim! That way your chances are better of hitting the target. But since everyone creates their reality by what they believe, or what stories they tell, each person can precisely and easily move through situations where they meet that one person who knocks their socks off.

But if that person believes their match is hard to find, then guess what? They’re hard to find.

My client says he’s leaving the door open. But is he really? No, he’s not! The door is barely cracked open if he thinks his match exists among only .6 percent of the population. Meanwhile Universe stands ready with more than 100 ways Alonzo can meet her. Alonzo can’t access any of them though believing as he does.

Instead, he could tell stories which cause hope, optimism and even positive expectation to pour out of him. Such stories will automatically make him feel enjoying his desire is possible, even easy. Here’s what some might sound like:

How I feel when I tell this story doesn’t feel good
But I must be here because I can’t be anywhere else right now
I haven’t always felt this way. I remember other times I felt better
That means I don’t have to be stuck here
I can change what I think and believe
Since I can change it, I can accept that I believe this right now
I like thinking that I can change my thoughts/stories
That I can change my stories feels better than feeling stuck
Since I can change my stories, I can accept the stories I currently have.

These stories are a start. The first step always involves getting to a place where one accepts where they are, instead of resisting where they are. Anyone unhappy with where they are is resisting where they are.

Taking the next step

The next step: create stories that dispel or dislodge stories that create not-so-good feelings and replace those icky feelings with better-feeling ones.

There may be few out there, but I only need one
I can tell better stories than those I’m telling
I would prefer better-feeling stories
Maybe it won’t be as hard as I think
Maybe there are transgender women in my town
I really don’t know because I really haven’t looked
That feels true
I like the truth of that. Really, I haven’t looked
I can accept that I haven’t tried looking
Accepting that feels better than accepting how hard I thought it was before
What if I don’t have to try looking?
I like thinking that I don’t have to try
Perhaps there’s hope for me
I like feeling hope
Hope sure feels better than powerlessness
Maybe she is out there
It’s nice feeling some hope

So in a few brief, deliberately chosen statements, a person can go from powerlessness, to relief, to acceptance, to incipient belief…maybe even hope. And from there, it’s all down hill (in a good way), so long as the person doesn’t reinvest in old beliefs.

Stories that prevent you from getting the love you want often sound “true”. But that doesn’t matter! What matters is, is the story you’re telling tune you to what you want? These sure do not! Unless you want to remain single and unhappy. (My artwork)

Get on the upward spiral

Getting out of the momentum of disempowering stories feels hard until a person tries. But feeling powerless, hopeless or pessimism can change in an instant, or at most, a few minutes. Look around you though.

Likely people who don’t know what you’re reading surround you. So they look at the world, draw conclusions about what they see, see realities they create consistent with that, then say “yep, see, I’m right. The world is this way.”

Just like Alonzo.

The minute they tell themselves they’re right, they lock in that conclusion as a belief. Then the world ends up that way. A trans woman only meets chaser men. Men can’t find transgender women who aren’t whackos or prostitutes.

For example, Alonzo told me in our subsequent session that he “hasn’t seen a single trans woman in my area.”

“Of course not,” I said. “You can’t when you have such strong beliefs in the way creating a reality consistent with ‘there are none in my area’.”

It can be challenging convincing someone creating a reality they don’t want, that the reality they do want is as easy to create as that reality they have, the reality they don’t want.

But once someone learns how the they, their Broader Perspective and the Universe work together to create reality, I find these people start on a positive upward spiral leading to everything they want.

All my clients eventually enjoy the upward spiral of positive stories. The better stories they tell, the better they feel, then the better life gets. Then they want more of that, so they tell even more positive stories and life gets even better. (My artwork)

Get what you want

They can’t not get what they want because their Broader Perspective and the Universe want them to have it. The only reason they don’t have it is because they’re in the driver’s seat. This Universe and their Broader Perspective can’t give them what they want when they aren’t focused on that. The Universe and their Broader Perspective only gives the person what they attend to. Which is why beliefs are so important.

Beliefs are how humans attend to what they want. The problem is, most humans use their beliefs to attend to what they don’t want. Which is why so many don’t get what they want. Or they get a smattering of what they want, among a crap ton of things they don’t want.

Getting what’s wanted is supposed to be what’s happening here on Earth. The heaven everyone thinks comes after death is right here on Earth. But each person must create it for themselves. No one does it for them. Not even the Universe or one’s Broader Perspective.

Joy in life comes from figuring out how to do that then doing it deliberately. And the more one does it deliberately, the more joyful they become. Then their world must reflect back to them that joy, because that joy comes from joyful thoughts and thoughts create reality.

It’s not hard to do any of this. Everyone is doing it right now, today. They’re just doing it in the wrong direction which leads them to a life of settling.

I say, do it deliberately and show yourself how easy it is. I can help with that.

March 15, 2022January 21, 2022

Stop Looking And Find Love Easy

The best way to find the love you want is by giving up trying to find him or her and let them come to you.

I encourage all my clients in this direction because it’s fun, it’s easy and it works 100 precent of the time. You can’t say that for online dating. It’s crazy so many people try that route, spending thousands in the process, when so few succeed.

But telling positive stories about your life guarantees you’ll meet your match. That’s why I guarantee it. And it will happen in a fun and easy way.

Universe stands ready

A client proved this recently in her own life. Even I was surprised how easy it happened. It’s a textbook example of how cultivating a positive story outlook works.

This client, let’s call her Diane, meets with me each week 1:1. She takes the practice seriously. She’s diligent about telling positive stories about everything. No wonder her life overflows with amazing things happening.

Then again, they’re not amazing. It’s just what happens when one takes control of their life by telling stories about life consistent with the kind of life they want.

Buoyed by things going right, Diane pretty much stopped thinking about how, when or where she’d meet her match. Eventually she gave up looking for him through online dating sites. That off her mental plate, she also stopped blocking the Universe from giving her what she wanted.

Kissing a lot of toads

It’s easy to stop thinking about not having the love you want when your life fills with great experiences. The paradox of that happening is, because you’re focused on the great things happening, it’s easy to become a match to your ideal partner.

Matching that you hear impulses that, when followed bring your match to you. In other words, the Universe will lead you right to the spot where your match is waiting.

Otherwise, you’re trying to do it yourself and, in trying to do that from your disempowering stories about dating, about your date-ability, about the whereabouts of your match, you end up on wild goose chases. Goose chases where you end up kissing a lot of toads. Sorry about mixing metaphors there!

But loving life, having fun and enjoying your own company, you turn into a cooperative variable in the equation that sums up to you and your match meeting. That’s what happened with Diane.

In fact, she didn’t even have to go anywhere. He came to her. Here’s how that happened.

Kiss that? No thanks. I’d rather be single, happy and let my perfect match come to me. (Photo by Laura Seaman on Unsplash)

Creating the Charmed Life

“I got a notification on my phone the other day,” Diane explained in our session. “It was a Facebook friend request from someone I didn’t know. I don’t accept friend requests from people who don’t have a picture on their profile. But my impulse said to accept it, so I did.”

An “impulse” is something everyone receives all the time. It’s an idea to act coming from their Broader Perspective coming in response to a desire they’ve “put out” that their Broader Perspective received.

The impulse, when followed, leads to the unfolding manifestation of that desire. Should the person follow the impulse, they will eventually rendezvous with that fulfilled desire.

As one tells more and more positive stories about their life, they release resistance which creates “noise” that interferes with receiving impulses. As resistance subsides though, impulses come in loud and clear. The next step is following the impulses.

This is how the Universe, one’s Broader Perspective and the individual create “manifestations” culminating in the Charmed Life I write about here each week.

Impulses are the basis of the Charmed Life. But it all starts with being happy, i.e. the guaranteed results of a Positively Focused practice.

Not your job?

A human’s job is not to make things happen. That’s the Universe’s job. Broader Perspective’s job is to lead each individual to their fulfilled desire, which the Universe fulfilled.

So what’s the human’s job?

The human’s job is to create the desire which turns the Universe into more. Then the human receives the fulfilled version of that desire by following its Broader Perspective impulses. The receiving is always surprising and delightful. As such events fill one’s life, one discovers their worthiness, invincibility and the Charmed Life I mentioned above.

In this way, life becomes easy. Most people don’t know this. That’s why so many run around trying to make things happen while finding it very hard to make things happen that way! It’s why so many people give up on their dreams, or compromise on dreams and live lackluster lives. It’s also why so many are depressed, anxious, tired and alone too.

Diane developed a habit of hearing her Broader Perspective impulses with a determination I have yet to see matched by any other client. It’s no wonder then that her life overflows with examples of self-fulfilling desires, desires that delight and surprise her.

The impossible possible

The person making the Facebook friend request had a photo of a car on his profile because he was a car buff. Diane received an “impulse” to accept the request because of what happened next.

What happened next blew Diane’s socks off. Diane said the guy said he saw her profile and immediately wanted to get to know her. He thanked her for accepting his request, then started chatting her up.

The chatting continued every day for a week. Turned out he was an oil rig worker, educated, happy and very interested in getting to know Diane.

But at our next session, she told me she was concerned because she didn’t think this guy, let’s call him Jeff, knew that my client was transgender.

That’s right. Diane is transgender. Most transgender women have many disempowering stories about guys, which is why most transgender women remain single, alone, lonely and mad.

When Diane told Jeff she was trans, Diane said Jeff “paid it no mind. He thought I was cisgender, but he said me being trans didn’t matter!”

Anyone who is trans, or knows transgender women knows how rare such an exchange is. Some might say such an exchange is impossible. And here was Diane, a trans woman, having exactly that experience. Being Positively Focused pays yo!

Most transgender women fence themselves behind stories that disempower themselves and demean what they want in a partner. No wonder they remain single, alone, lonely and mad. (Photo by Velizar Ivanov)

Negative stories, negative reality

Most of the time, according to transgender women who contact me, the men they meet are chasers. They’re looking for “chicks with dicks”, or, when they think the woman is cis, then find out they’re trans, they disappear.

Again, a transgender woman never need experience any of that. But it does happen when, again, transgender women tell negative stories about dating, themselves and men.

For example, another client I’m working with who is transgender currently enjoys a long-running, online, long distance relationship with one guy. She’s actually seeing a few men as a result of gradually changing her stories.

But she needs improvement, evident in this exchange.

“Even when I’m at my worst,” she said in one session. “He keeps coming back.”

“Why do you think he keeps coming back?” I asked.

“Because he just wants me to fuck him,” she said.

What a disempowering story.

Of course, there’s no way a guy would want to keep talking to her because HE LIKES HER. And, what do you think the story “guys just want me because they want me to fuck them” says about the transgender woman thinking such a thought?

Well, it demeans the transgender woman as much as it demeans the men she meets, thereby kiboshing any chance of men even having a chance with her!

Every belief one thinks or expresses or even allows in their awareness carries an associated vibration which creates realities consistent with it. Some of the most damaging are thoughts one thinks about one’s self. *(Photo by* *Sherise VD*)

Diane’s dates improving

Diane enjoys a different trajectory. Having changed her stories about subjects related to meeting her match, her men encounters improved dramatically.

First she’d get cat-called at bars. Then men wanted her for “quickies” in the parking lot. Then, guys would approach her, but ghost her after that first encounter. After that, men started sticking around, but they weren’t the caliber of men Diane wanted.

Now, here Diane is getting the furthest forward version of what she wants. And she literally didn’t even leave the house to meet him! Nor did she spend any money dating online.

Furthermore, Diane wanted a guy who had more going for him than “hustling”. Many men she met in the past were street hustlers. Mostly they were into the drug trade and generally getting into criminal mischief.

But Jeff has a steady job. More than that, he wants to take Diane hiking and fishing, as he enjoys the outdoors. Sounds pretty normal, right? But to Diane, it’s not.

“That’s something I’ve been wanting to do more and more since starting becoming Positively Focused,” Diane said. “That he wants to take me out to do those things shows me this is all working out perfectly for me.”

That love you want is right there in front of you. If you can’t see it, or you feel you’re not making any progress towards it, it’s likely you have beliefs which create realities where the relationship that is there, isn’t there. It’s a problem I can help with. (Photo by Toa Heftiba)

What’s the future?

How this situation turns out makes no difference. The main thing happening is Diane is improving her dating stories. She’s seeing her improved stories creating connections reflecting to her that improvement. Diane acknowledges she still has stories she wants to improve, so Jeff isn’t the final match, offering everything she wants.

How does she know that? Because she’s still evolving as a person and in what she wants. As her life improves, as she uncovers what she really wants and goes after that, she becomes more of her authentic self.

As that happens, she becomes more confident and more certain of who she is. Meanwhile, she’s meeting this guy amidst that transition. So Jeff represents a match to who she is currently. Other men stand ready and waiting for her as she becomes more.

And that’s why I urge clients not to be impatient when creating their reality. For the longer a person enjoys what they have, without thinking what they have – especially with partners – is The One, the more they will see what they have improve more and more. Why? Because they are becoming more and more.

Diane’s example shows how easy finding a lover happens. The less energy and attention one puts on that, the more they just enjoy life, the easier finding that person happens.

But when someone thinks finding a partner is a challenge, a problem or impossible, that’s exactly how it will be. Thoughts create reality.

Why not think thoughts that make your ideal reality easy? If you’re ready to know how, I got your back!

February 22, 2022February 28, 2022

How Lesbian Trans Women Best Meet Great Matches Pt. 2

In part one, we examined a comment offered by a transgender woman who happens to be lesbian. Today, let’s continue examining those stories. Here’s the comment she made:

My problem with all of this is: what about transgender women who are not attracted to men? I am one of those. Yes, I have had bisexual encounters in the past, but that was purely to satisfy a sexual desire at the time.
I honestly have never felt any attraction towards men, hence if I’m thinking about a committed relationship, I would love to hear how and where a transgender female can meet someone that is potentially interested in her. I find it a very tricky topic: going to a typical lesbian venue could easily lead to having difficulties because of being a trans person. And that seriously limits the options to meet someone. I genuinly have not been able to think of a solution for this challenge. So, I would love to see an article on it!

Last time we looked at the story she’s telling that tells her she has a problem. That’s a problem. When one tells a story about having a problem, and voicing such a sentiment is storytelling, then one indeed stands in a problem. So our friend first must tell better feeling stories, ones that don’t create “problems”.

I’d like to double down, please

The next story offers even more resistance blocking our friend from enjoying what she wants:

“I find it a very tricky topic:”, she says. Then she doubles down on this one by offering details about why the problem feels tricky. Both amplify creative momentum introducing circumstances wherein she gets what she talks about: not getting what she wants.

“…going to a typical lesbian venue could easily lead to having difficulties because of being a trans person. And that seriously limits the options to meet someone.“

She next tells another story amplifying momentum even more:

“I genuinely have not been able to think of a solution for this challenge.”

So our friend experiences what she wants as beyond her ability to figure out. She cannot unravel the problem of figuring out where and how she can get what she wants.

Such circumstances exist commonly among people. Mainly because people don’t understand how easily reality happens. Or where it comes from.

Life needn’t be hard. Even for trans lesbians.

There’s no special “where”

So nearly everyone moves away from their desires. But they don’t know why that happens. Which is why so many live in frustration, anger and annoyance. Or anxiety, insecurity or a state of compromise relative to their dreams.

From there, people look to others hoping for solutions. And, since most people all do the same thing, the only recourse for folks lies in copying what they see leaving nearly everyone wanting, but hot having. Seeking but not finding. Can you guess where that leads?

That’s right. More frustration. No wonder so many turn to and fail on online dating sites. Even though so many people gather there, hoping for love. We wrote about how sucky online dating is. And how bad the success rate is.

But there’s an easier way. And a more fun way. But so long as people conclude the way others get their stuff represents the only way they can get their stuff, frustration, more often than not, results.

For example, most think they need to “go to where all the single ladies are” to meet single ladies. Bars, clubs, dating websites, weddings…these events become their only go-to options.

Notice a LOT of people meet people this way. But have you considered how exhausting, time consuming, frog-kissing sucky and uninspiring going to a bar is? And how many who do meet someone that way actually end up in lasting love?

There’s no special place to meet your ideal partner. Well, there is. The special place is wherever you are. Because there is where the Universe leads you. And when you follow your Inner Being guidance, spawned from positive stories, you’ll find your ideal relationship unfold in a beautiful, fun, exciting and deeply exhilarating way.

Uniquely you power

Humans are unique. The cool thing about being human is that uniqueness. It’s powerful. The ones doing what everyone else does make their experiences not unique. The key to a wonderful life filled with everything one wants is leveraging that uniqueness.

Part of that leverage comes from knowing the Universe has your back. Hard to know that when you don’t know how that works. But that’s what The Transamorous Network is about. You see, the Universe already knows this lesbian woman’s match. It’s already got her ready to meet this transgender woman.

But the transgender woman keeps thinking thoughts (telling stories) that prevent her from going where her mate is! Her mate is not at a bar. Nor is she online!

Way worth repeating: Most people try what others do to get what they want. Instead of relying on their connection to their inner knowing, which is their connection to the Universe, they look at what others do and copy that. Or they allow others to influence them into doing differently from what they feel would work.

Doing that, they limit the Universe’s unlimited power to deliver what they want in a surprising, delightful way.

The best way to meet your match is by finding positive things about your life and emphasizing those things by talking about only those. (Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash)

It’s more fun “by accident”

Surprise and delight implies “by accident”. It implies one minds their own business. While doing that, enjoying their lives, doing things they like, they make themselves happy. They see no problems.

Meanwhile, the Universe is on it. It’s giving everyone hunches of where to go, what to do, what to look at.

It’s doing the same thing with your future partner. If she’s a match, she’s doing the same thing you’re doing. She’s enjoying life, doing things she likes. She’s not telling negative stories about where you are and why she can’t find you. Instead, she’s following her hunches. Just as you are…or should or could be.

Then, one day, you’re driving down the road. On your right, you notice a doughnut shop. At that precise moment, your gut says, “turn into the doughnut shop!”

You’re not hungry for doughnuts, but the hunch, the impulse is there. You like doughnuts, but you’ve never been to this shop before. You’re kinda hesitant to go, but you’ve practiced following your hunches and telling positive stories about your wonderful female partner.

So, instead of saying “I’m not hungry,” and drive on, you say “what the hell,” and turn into the driveway.

The only open parking space is next to a late model BMW. You pull in. You’re now facing the street. The shop is behind you. When you open the door to get out, you accidentally hit a woman who’s trying to get into the passenger door of the BMW. Startled, she turns around, you look up…and…out of your mouth come the perfect words…

…Next thing you know it, you two are on a date getting to know each other.

That’s how it works

Viola! No dating sites. No hangovers or late nights. You stopped trying to find her. Instead, it just happened, seemingly by accident.

Only it’s NOT an accident.

How does that happen?

You stop telling negative stories about what you want.
Then you make yourself a match to your desire, by telling positive stories about what you want.
Then you start noticing how good you feel after consistently telling positive stories.
The better you feel, the more “happy accidents” start happening in your life.
That’s when you discover a quiet voice inside of you giving you instructions on what to do, where to go.
The more you follow those, the more “happy accidents” happen.
Then came the one “accident” you wanted in a delightful, surprising way.

It was almost as if the Universe was promising you what it had up its sleeve and guided you right to where it pulled the rabbit out of the hat!

And that’s exactly what it is doing for people telling positive stories.

We show people how

This is how our clients create amazing lives. They learn what you just read. Then they put it into practice. The practice shows them it’s working. The more it shows them, the more excited and happy they get. Before they know it, their lives improve at a phenomenal pace. Then they sound like this:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=4kthhOHo3zU%3Fversion%3D3%26rel%3D1%26showsearch%3D0%26showinfo%3D1%26iv_load_policy%3D1%26fs%3D1%26hl%3Den%26autohide%3D2%26start%3D268%26wmode%3Dtransparent

A client shares how telling positive stories about her life created a way more positive life.

No one came into the world to do what others are doing. That especially includes transgender people. But everyone gets mixed up about this because physical reality is initially bewildering.

We show transgender people and those who love them how to get the love they want easily and effortlessly. That’s the way they knew it could happen before reality’s initial bewildering nature threw them off track.

Finding a lover, whether you’re trans, lesbian or trans-attracted needn’t be the struggle most make it. But it is when people tell stories making it that way.

Tell better stories, and the world becomes your oyster. Not only that, you get to decide what kind of pearl you find.

Ready to create find pearl? We’re here to help.

February 15, 2022January 8, 2022

How Lesbian Trans Women Best Meet Great Matches

Editor’s note: this post comes in two parts. The second part follows next week.

Good news: Transgender men and cis women now write us asking for advice on creating dating success. We always knew this would happen. The Transamorous Network exists to assist the entire transgender community. That always included transgender men.

It also includes anyone who feels attracted to transgender people. And of course, it includes transgender women who are lesbian.

Today, we’re offering this post addressing the latter group. Specifically, we’re responding to the following comment we recently got via our contact page:

My problem with all of this is: what about transgender women who are not attracted to men? I am one of those. Yes, I have had bisexual encounters in the past, but that was purely to satisfy a sexual desire at the time.
I honestly have never felt any attraction towards men, hence if I’m thinking about a committed relationship, I would love to hear how and where a transgender female can meet someone that is potentially interested in her. I find it a very tricky topic: going to a typical lesbian venue could easily lead to having difficulties because of being a trans person. And that seriously limits the options to meet someone. I genuinly have not been able to think of a solution for this challenge. So, I would love to see an article on it!

To start, we’re going to burst a bubble. Don’t worry, it’s a good thing. Ready?

Lesbian dating isn’t unique

Some people think their status, whatever it is, makes them unique. Recently on Medium.com, we got a disparaging comment attempting to chastise us for offering advice to the transgender community when The Transamorous Network founder, who is non-binary and prefers “they/them” pronouns, themselves aren’t trans.

Our response to that person is the same response we offer everyone. The “trans” experience is not special. Nor is it unique. Like any other experience people experience, the transgender experience is a HUMAN experience. The same holds for transgender women who know themselves to be lesbian.

And, since the human experience fits in with the way the Universe works, the best, most fun way for transgender women who love women to meet their matches coincides with the way transgender heterosexual women and trans-attracted men meet their matches.

Said differently: transgender lesbian humans and their experiences are highly susceptible to stories such people tell about their experiences. In fact, it is ONLY their stories influencing their experiences.

Now some might respond with the worn out trope about blaming victims. Pessimistic people will say women who get raped aren’t creating that reality. They’ll jump to such examples while not thinking about what they’re saying.

As hard as it might be to hear, people experience rape the same way people who get what they want experience that. Were that false, if any exception existed to what we offer as “Universal Laws”, these “laws” couldn’t be called “laws”.

It doesn’t matter what you are. You can have everything you want. But you first must become a match. Living a transgender experience combined with a lesbian experience makes it no more difficult.

Extraordinary opportunity

What so many miss when they get caught up in the false “rape/victim blame scenario”, is the ENORMOUS power and ability available in the statement “stories create reality.”

If “stories create reality” is true (it is), then NOTHING IS OFF THE TABLE. Everything is possible. Everything! Not only is everything possible, everything possible (that’s everything) can happen with no effort on anyone’s part.

So not only can everyone get ANYTHING they want, they can get it super EASY.

This means a transgender lesbian meeting her perfect match is super easy. All she need do is figure out how “stories create reality”, then implement that how.

Our clients get this. That’s why their lives excite them. And, the more evidence they create proving to them “stories create reality”, the more excited they get.

Their excitement comes accompanied by happiness. After all, how can you not be happy when you see everything you want, and then some, happening?

So smart people who hear “stories create reality” immediately see this extraordinary opportunity. The opportunity to create and have anything they want. Instead of jumping to the “rape/victim blaming scenario”, smart people will say “tell me how this works!”

There’s no reason a transgender person’s experience shouldn’t be filled with self-fulfilling desires. And, those desires can happen easy, making life equally easy.

How stories create mis-matches

Let’s just accept for now that “stories create reality”, whether you believe that or not. From that accurate assertion then, let’s examine the comment we got through our website. You’ll see how the commenter’s stories create the reality she experiences as described in the comment. Here it is again. No scrolling up required:

My problem with all of this is: what about transgender women who are not attracted to men? I am one of those. Yes, I have had bisexual encounters in the past, but that was purely to satisfy a sexual desire at the time.
I honestly have never felt any attraction towards men, hence if I’m thinking about a committed relationship, I would love to hear how and where a transgender female can meet someone that is potentially interested in her. I find it a very tricky topic: going to a typical lesbian venue could easily lead to having difficulties because of being a trans person. And that seriously limits the options to meet someone. I genuinly have not been able to think of a solution for this challenge. So, I would love to see an article on it!

The first story the writer offers is that “there is a problem”.

If a person thinks a problem exists, they need an answer. The problem with finding the answer is, if one keeps looking at the problem, they can’t get the answer. That’s why it’s so hard to find something that’s lost.

So long as our friend here looks at her problem “finding out how to meet a woman she can love”, for example, she is not open to the solution. So it won’t come.

That’s the first story she must soothe.

How does she do that?

Create better stories

She makes up any number of stories that turn “the problem” into something else. Any of these will work:

Lots of times in the past I discovered an answer about X. I can do that again.
I don’t have to know the answer to get the answer
I’m eager to see how I will meet my wonderful match
I don’t need to be in a hurry about this
I have plenty of time to figure this out
More challenging things have worked out in my life than this

These new stories can soothe the “problem story” our friend keeps telling into irrelevance.

The old saw “what you resist persists” is true. So does “what you look at continues to be”. If our friend doesn’t like that she can’t find a female lover, she must stop looking at the fact that she doesn’t have one and can’t find one. Sounds crazy, but that’s only because people don’t understand why this works.

The key to coming up with better feeling stories is new stories that make the story teller feel better. That means the ability to feel is extremely important.

In part two, we’ll continue looking at stories this woman tells that keeps her not having what she wants. Then recommend how she can get exactly what she wants.