If you’ve read posts here before, you get a sense of our perspective. Humans create everything in our experience. Including other people. But nearly all of us are doing that unaware that’s what we’re doing. So we blame the world around us, and other people, for our troubles. All the while not realizing when we do that, we create more trouble for ourselves.
Tremendous amounts of power lie hidden in that very true synopsis of our perspective.
Trans-attracted men (and transgender women) are no exception to this. Most of us think the world around us some objective thing. It’s separate from us, not springing out of us as a reflection of our inner state. So it’s not a wonder trans-attracted men will react to inner awareness with fear. Their basis for self understanding is external, as it is for most of us. It doesn’t matter that that basis is flawed, which it is. When they notice something about themselves, they will consult the world around them for what’s true.
Transgender women do this too.
Unfortunately, the world around them will tell them they are the problem. Then, trying to fit in, they’ll hide this new awareness, or try changing it. Social ostracism, for the uninitiated trans-attracted guy, is a terrible thing. Familial ostracism is even worse. Ostracism from one’s manliness is an even more fearsome thing. No wonder such men struggle accepting what they are. Just like many transgender women.
It’s meant this way
But the world IS a reflection. And like all reflections, it’s an illusion. The paradox of this world though, is, if you walk onto a freeway, cars zooming toward you will kill you. So we must all contend with the powerful “reality” we put ourselves in that feels so real…when it’s, at the same time, not at all real.
After all, if we knew it wasn’t real coming in, the benefit of life would not be ours, would it? So we hypnotize ourselves into this “kill you” part of the paradox.
Meanwhile, the reflection serves us all. It aids in our becoming better versions of ourselves. “Better versions” look like increasingly pure expressions of divine intelligence. More direct expressions of All That Is, in other words.
“Trans” and “trans attraction” represent this purer, more direct expression. What do you think Divine Intelligence, or All That Is, looks like anyway? A grey-bearded white guy?
NO!
All That Is is “TRANS gender”. It comprises both genders while simultaneously rising above themall. It is more than the sum of its (infinite parts).
And so are we.
Physical reality is an illusion…that can kill you. (Photo by Chris Barbalis on Unsplash)
Back to the guys
Trans-attracted men are identical to transgender women when viewed from this perspective. They are on similar paths. You could say they are on different aspects of the same path. No one’s murdering these guys, sure. But again, it’s not the SAME path! It’s a DIFFERENT ASPECT of the same path. We could even call it a COMPLEMENTARY aspect.
In other words, while transgender people need no protectors, trans-attracted men can complement them in off-the-chart ways. But these men first must know what they’re doing with their trans-attraction. Their journey from Chaser to Transamory IS THAT PROCESS.
If transgender women were willing to change their view of such men, they would find powerful allies there. Yes, it takes a profound willingness to change one’s mind in the face of so much evidence to the contrary. And I know most transgender women won’t do stop looking at the contrary evidence long enough to do that. It’s true: self-loathing is a powerful elixir.
But some do. Some like my clients.
Every story can change. Even self loathing ones. A powerful figure with tremendous global influence once said of his tormentors “Forgive them Father. They know not what they do.” There’s great power in forgiveness. That and asking questions.
A simple question can change the course of even the most vile person. And in that way transgender women can become catalysts for trans-attracted men. If they choose to.
So, transgender women, the next time you get a dick pick from some online dating app you’d do better not being on, perhaps instead of getting mad, forgive the sender. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.
Then, maybe, ask them a question. Like: Why do you think sending me this picture will get you what you think you want?
I met a transgender woman today “in the wild”. No dating sites, no struggle. The meeting was effortless, just like I promise my clients how they’ll meet their matches. But this wasn’t about me meeting my match, although she kind of was. Instead, it was was an awesome example of how easy everyone can get what they want. That is, if they tell the right stories.
Every experience represents a match. Life experience always is an outward reflection of one’s inner being state. Another way of saying that is our life reflects stories we tell.
So this experience tells me my inner state is full of wonder! The meeting happened so naturally. So naturally, the experience delighted both of us. But what happened at the end was more than I expected. It literally blew my mind…in a good way.
Here’s how all this marvelousness went down:
It happens when you least expect it
Today (May 4 ), I went on a walk, which I usually do daily. While walking through a business neighborhood, I saw a person coming towards me, about 200 feet ahead. I enjoy the transgender version of “Gaydar”, which usually makes it easy for me to spot transgender people. So I knew, even from a distance, she was trans.
But there was something else I felt besides my usual trans-attraction. Something more was in store, I felt, though what that was I couldn’t say.
Situations like this have happened many times before. Moving around town, minding my own business, I’ll suddenly come across a transgender person. In the past, such experiences caught me off guard and speechless. But over time, I resolved not to be caught off guard and let me speechless. Even though they happen when I least expect it, I resolved not to let the surprise shut me down. Instead, I promised myself I’d remain open and alert. Alert so I can offer what comes to mind. Usually that’s words or encouragement. Or something I might say which lets them know someone appreciates them being on the planet.
Often the person will appreciate me doing so. Sometimes, not so much. I’ve gained a sensitivity these days to know which response I’ll get. Knowing this, I can choose to speak. Or not.
So this time, I was ready. I knew something cool would happen. But I didn’t know it was going to be as cool as it turned out to be.
As natural as breathing
As we converged on each other, we locked eyes. She looked directly at me with big, brown beautiful eyes, eyes I think that also realized something magical was happening. She had indigenous markings on her face, wore bohemian garb and her long brown hair pulled into a long tail over her shoulder.
I said hi. She did the same. The connection was palpable, the magic electrifying the space between us. After we passed one another, I felt a strong urge to look back. Just like the scene in Meet Joe Black between Brad Pitt and Claire Forlani. Minus getting killed by New York Traffic, of course.
After going another 50 feet or so, I did look back. It was no surprise that at that very moment, she looked back too! So I turned around and headed back to her. Closing that distance, I felt an even greater urge to talk with her.
Meeting your match is as natural as breathing. That is, if you’re telling positive stories about a lot of subjects. Do that and it’s literally impossible not to make the connection. When it happens you know exactly what to say. You can’t blow, it in other words. Meanwhile, the other person, equally taken, willingly plays their part as the rendezvous unfolds.
The best way to meet someone
This kind of experience is far superior to online dating. The joy, freedom and spontaneity of meeting your match “in the wild” online dating can’t hold a candle to. Which is why nearly all my clients eventually prefer meeting their match in the wild rather than online. Besides, that online experience sucks for most people!
Phoebe, as she calls herself, and I enjoyed an initial, brief but intense conversation. I learned she was headed to buy wine at the grocer nearby. Friends of hers were throwing a party in her honor as she’s planning to buy a new pick-up truck. I asked if she lived nearby. Yes, she said. She pointed vaguely in the direction of a home I used to own in this neighborhood.
I didn’t ask where, exactly, she lived. I did tell her I felt a strong kismet about our meeting. She agreed. Something told me an important unfolding was about to happen. I told her I knew what that was, but also said I wanted to keep that to myself.
I actually thought that important thing was her being trans and me being transamorous. That was part of it, but it wasn’t the “main course”. That was still on the way. Even so, at this point, Phoebe’s and my energy mesmerized us both. We couldn’t get enough of each other.
But I had to finish my walk.
So, after that short rendezvous, I asked to give her a hug. She agreed. We hugged, then went our separate ways. I didn’t look back this time.
About three blocks later, the main event hit me like a bolt right between the eyes….
The awesome set up
About a year ago, I had lunch in this same business district with a friend, Mark. After lunch we went for a walk through side streets paralleling the district. Mark and I share a fondness for tiny houses. So it wasn’t too surprising that we came upon a cute little tiny house community. Both of us were stunned at how cute these little homes were. Each one was different but together they created an eclectic mix of eccentric design.
Two of the cottage like tiny houses Mark and I came across.
As we passed these homes, I saw a transgender woman walk into the unit on the left in the photo above. At that time, I thought to myself, “I’d really like to see that girl again and I’d like to know what that place looks like inside…”
Little did I know back then I had set myself up for something wondrous…
Ask and it is given
The Universe always delivers on our desires. We ask, and the Universe delivers. But to receive the delivery we must be there to open the door. That means we must be a match to receiving what it is we ask for. This explains the purpose of telling positive stories. The more positive we are about life, the more we match things we ask for.
We’re always asking. And often, those things which we receive easiest, happen because we don’t think too much about them. In other words, we don’t have as much resistance about what we’re asking for. With these tiny houses and the transgender woman, I made a casual request, not really expecting anything. I just thought it would be nice to see this girl again, and get a tour of those cottages…
So as I walked those three blocks after meeting Phoebe, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Phoebe lived in that tiny house! I just knew it in my bones. This message showed up so clearly in my head…not as a thought I was thinking, but as pure intuition. And THIS was the reason for the rendezvous: It was the manifestation (two really) of my expressed desire made a year ago!
At this point I was so thrilled by this I had to tell Phoebe. So I doubled back towards the grocery. I got to the grocery in perfect timing. For as I rounded the corner, she had just come round from the front of the store. She saw me and smiled, then crossed the street. It was obvious she was happy to see me.
“I’m glad you came here,” she said, not surprised.
A beautiful rendezvous
I told her the story of my walk with Mark. I didn’t tell her the part about touring her home. She confirmed she did, indeed, live in that tiny house. I asked to walk her home, to which she agreed. During that walked I learned we had a lot in common. Like me, she’s a Veteran. She believes in and lives her life mainly from spirit, as I do. We identify similarly and use highly unique, identical pronouns. And, of course, there was that energy. Energy born of her being two-spirit, I learned, and me being transamorous.
I asked for her number, which she readily gave me. Then we arrived at her tiny house. She told me the story of how they were built by a gay contractor specifically for Veterans and disabled Vets. When we arrived at her front door, she invited me in. I wasn’t surprised of course, but pretended I was. She said it was the least she could do since I walked her home.
The place was pretty cool. But what was even more cool was how this all unfolded. It was a perfect demonstration of how effective telling positives stories is. Everyone possesses the ability to create a reality matching their wildest desires.
I’m in the process of creating pretty wild desires. I’m seeing evidence of those desires bearing fruit. What’s really cool is seeing my clients experiencing similar results in their lives. For their experiences add to the assertion that we all create our reality. All that’s needed is telling stories consistent with what we want.
The rest is up to the Universe!
Want to know more about how this is possible? Leave a comment or write me directly.
Post script
I met Phoebe again the following weekend on a perfect, sunny day. We spent three hours together, talking about our lives, things we shared, things we don’t. It was a natural unfolding. And, I knew the fullness of this relationship reached its peak when I toured her home. For there are things about her, and about me which make us not a match for anything other than the wonderful rendezvous we ha and maybe as a budding friendship.
Of course, I’m not at all disappointed by this outcome. It’s actually perfect. A perfect stepping stone to the next wonderful rendezvous I’m sure is on the way…
Despite what so many transgender women claim when they write me, this “Your stories create your reality” business really works. Those saying it doesn’t with no evidence to back their claims, and no effort put in to testing it, don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.
Meanwhile my TRANSGENDER clients are finding empowerment, joy and satisfaction knowing they create their reality.
Case in point: Casey (Not her real name). It’s taken her a year and a half to discover how powerful she is. Yet, in that 18 months, she’s realized what I say in this blog over and over: Everyone creates their reality.
Instead of complaining that I’m “blaming the victim” or “saying it’s their fault” for shitty experiences people create, Casey put the practice to the test. She tested it in the only place real results could convince her: In her personal life. And in the 18-months not only has she completely transformed her dating circumstances, she’s changing a whole lot more in the process.
The most prominent change is in her soothed disposition and her belief that she does, indeed, create her reality. Let’s look at how this all started for her.
Men are a threat
When she first contacted me, Casey felt attraction to men. She wanted to be married to a man. Yet, any man that gave her any more than passing attention, Casey interpreted it negatively.
She thought the men would wage violence on her. She thought men looked at her as a “man in a dress”. When men complimented something about her, she would overlook the compliment and get stressed over they guy’s attention.
The first example she gave me in our preliminary session was at a grocery store parking lot. As she walked from her car towards the store, Casey said a guy followed her, “very slowly” in his car.
“I got really scared,” She said.
“What did you think he was going to do?” I asked.
Casey said “I don’t know! I was just scared.”
My first attempt to begin changing her perspective was asking her a question she would have never considered in that experience:
“How do you now that guy staring at you and following you in his car wasn’t attracted to or fascinated about you?” I asked.
The question stunned her.
She never considered the man might have positive reasons for eyeballing her. She, like many transgender women, was too steeped in the statistics. And while stats have some merit….THEY’RE JUST NUMBERS! Anyone who understands statistics knows that when one looks at an individual data point, statistical probabilities almost totally break down. Even statisticians will tell you that.
What’s more, everyone is creating their own reality. Meaning, no one is beholden to a collection of past creations others have created, which is what stats are.
Many people, including transgender women, think statistics say something about their future. They don’t. (Photo by Lacie Slezak on Unsplash)
The stats don’t matter…unless you let the
But transgender women will quote stats until the cows come home about how much at risk they are. They’ll exclaim how “true” they are. And then live in fear.
Not Casey. She was willing to try something different. Why? Because everything else wasn’t working. I wish my clients didn’t wait until they hit rock bottom. But sometimes that’s the only time a human will try something new.
After weeks of sessions, Casey began entertaining more positive stories about why men stared at her. She also started telling more positive stories about her dismal experience with online dating.
She had terrible experiences. Much like many transgender women will tell their friends about. Trans-attracted men were dicks, Casey would say.
“They always text me when drunk. They always want to see my dick or share theirs. I don’t wanna get involved with that shit!” she exclaimed.
I asked if she could come up with other reasons why trans-attracted men would do such things. What reasons could trans-attracted men behave from which would cause them to behave the way they were, I asked.
It took her a while, and a lot of coaching. But over time, Casey began to come up with more positive and empowering reasons for behaviors she’d experience with men.
Those reasons had her feel more compassion and understanding for trans-attracted men. As her feelings about the men softened her experiences gradually started changing.
A big shift
Casey really wants to meet a man in the small town she comes from. Right now, she lives in a big town. She believed at one time that a man who would date her let alone marry her wouldn’t dare live in her hometown. I told her that was bullshit because the universe will give a person anything they want.
Casey also wanted to meet men in person. Men who would take her out on dates. Most men she met online lived across the country or hundreds of miles away. Almost all of them ghosted her after a short online courtship.
But as her stories improved, the men stayed around longer. They expressed more interest in her as a person. Some revealed their own struggles as trans-attracted men. In short, Casey started to see this shift in the men she was meeting (with some terse pointing out on my part).
All this time, I told her her reality was changing as she changed her inner reality. I regularly pointed indications of her improved mood and the improving quality of men she met.
Until one day a man reached out to her online. He lived in the same town as Casey. He wanted to take her out on a date. It was a lot of what Casey asked for. Then, before that guy could followup on the invite ANOTHER guy, this time living about 13 miles outside Casey’s town wrote. He was better than the first guy. But the first guy was extremely sweet.
More evidence…
After a series of long online conversations, this guy, let’s call him Jason, went dark. Casey started complaining about yet another guy ghosting her. But she quickly caught her negative story. She wanted him to reach out, but was also wanting to reach out to him out of insecurity. She felt that if she reached out to him, he’d reach back out to her.
The problem with that strategy is her insecurity would speak way louder than her words. So the guy would pick up on that and give her more of what she’s focusing on: her insecurity. And therefore not reply. I strongly suggested she not take any action. Instead, I suggested she just be open to hearing from him. That’s what she did. And here’s what happened straight from Casey’s phone:
It’s interesting to note something I always beat into my clients: What another person says or does is NEVER about you. It’s always about THEM. But a lot of people, transgender women included, will make things about THEM when it’s really NOT.
A guy sending dick pics is NOT ABOUT YOU.
Someone you’re interested in you ghosting you IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
Everything someone does – even if it’s a good thing they do – is ALWAYS about them!
As icing on Casey’s cake, check out the text the guy sent her the next evening. A vast improvement from her past experiences:
Where many trans-attracted guys are when talking with transgender women. Yet, most won’t be honest about how they’re feeling.
This text blew Casey away.
A remarkable shift everyone can experience
This series of events seems extraordinary. It’s not though. What happened here with Casey can happen with ANY transgender woman. It doesn’t matter what her circumstances are because the Universe is ready to deliver to everyone anything they want.
And it IS delivering. What’s keeping the delivery from happening is the person wanting it. That person blocks the delivery with stories inconsistent with what they want.
Notice what Casey said in that final text. She’s expressing empowerment and happiness on a subject many transgender women experience insecurity and fear. Every transgender woman can experience what Casey here expresses. All it takes is a little willingness to tell different stories.
A whole lot more goodness happened with Casey since this guy reached out. But that’s for another post. If you’re wanting experiences, dramatic shifts like Casey’s, in love, or any other subject, you can have it.
And I can help. Contact me and let’s get you going on the road to your lover!
Alright. Let’s admit something up front. This story will trigger many transgender women. I’m not meaning to trigger transgender women. I’m meaning to soothe their resistance so they get what they want. Still, if you’re trans and feeling triggered, please stop reading.
Physical reality thrives on diversity. In all the Universe, diversity reigns. “All the Universe” includes the transgender community. My conversations with transgender women and trans-attracted men confirm what I know: great diversity exists in the trans community. Not all transgender people believe the same. Nor do they behave the same. Nor do they prefer the same things. Isn’t this obvious?
So while perhaps the majority of trans women may agree on any given subject, there always will be those who don’t. That’s great news for some trans-attracted men. Because as long as trans-attracted men exist, there will be transgender women matching those men’s preferences. And vice versa.
The Universe drove that home for me the other day. I didn’t see it coming, honestly. So when it happened, it blew me away. I consider myself pretty well-versed on trans/trans-attraction issues. But I guess even an old salty dog of a windbag like me can learn something new.
An unexpected enlightenment
A reader of mine, proud as hell about his trans-attraction, responded to one of my recent stories. What he wrote was astounding. It astounded me because I hadn’t thought about the perspective he shared:
A trans-attracted guy blows my mind.
Julian’s comment blew my mind on several levels. Not only is Julian proud of his trans-attraction, he lives his preferences out loud. But that’s not all. Julian takes it way beyond what I had thought about men who prefer pre-op transgender women.
What Julian is saying here is, transgender women who like to penetrate men enjoy that act. They find penetrating men sexually pleasing. In other words, fucking men, and seeing the men enjoy it, gives them pleasure. All this time I’ve taken that fact for granted. But it’s an important point. One worth highlighting. For women who like fucking men, those women like it. And so, men who like being fucked by transgender women who fuck men, offer such women pleasure.
Perfect matches exist
Of course there are transgender women who revile their penis. Some transgender women want their bodies to match who they believe they are. So they get Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS). Those women won’t feel fully themselves until they do.
But there are also more transgender women coming out expressing appreciation for their penis. They are proud of not being like cis women. They don’t need GCS. They’re fine with who they are and what they are. Some pass, but some don’t care about that. And some of those women enjoy using what they were born with. For those women, it’s good men like Julian exist.
Even so, I always counsel men like Julian, especially those in early trans-attraction stages, to consider something important. Transgender women are human beings. Because they’re people, they bring far more to the table than a source of sexual gratification. But since men are men, they often express their attraction in hyper-sexualized or objectifying terms. Transgender women need to understand that. In other words, the men’s behavior isn’t personal.
Focus on wanted, not the opposite
If transgender women can get over taking what men do or say as personal, they can find their matches more quickly. It doesn’t take a large pool of men meeting a trans woman’s preferences to meet her match. If a transgender woman is monogamous, it only takes one guy. And the Universe will match her with that guy. If she’s a match to him.
But if transgender women believe only guys like Julian exist, and they don’t want that, then those women aren’t matches to the guys they want. So they won’t find them. Then they’ll compromise.
No wonder so many transgender women express bitterness towards men like Julian. They’re all busy focused on what they don’t want. So all they see is that. The problem is, in their bitterness, they’re not a match to the guys that aren’t like Julian. And so such men might as well not exist.
But they do exist.
A bitter trans woman complaining about “Julians” will not find them though. Because she’s not a match to them. Meanwhile the “Julians” of the world will find their matches. That’s because men like Julian focus on what they want and ignore everyone else. And everyone else’s opinions. So they get what they want. And as a result, the women they get get what they want too.
Trigger warning:This story is for trans-attracted men and therefore contains content that, while accurate, may be triggering for some transgender women. If you’re easily triggered by other people’s opinion, best that you go read something else.
Earlier this past month, I posted a popular story about why so many trans-attracted men are showing up these days. This is a companion story. While the other story offered hope to transgender women, this one offers hope to the men. This story encourages men not to settle, to instead hold fast to what they want.
That’s because the Universe will give you exactly what you want. But you must become a match to it. That means telling stories consistent with what you’re wanting. In time as your stories gain momentum, men, you will undoubtedly encounter your dream transgender partner.
There’s an old English saying: “Every old sock, meets an old shoe.” It means, eventually, every thing finds its match or mate. The same holds true for trans-attracted men. Hold out for what you want. Soothe stories you’re telling that contradict what you want. Then you will meet your match.
There’s a match for everyone
While telling stories about what you want, it’s critical that you not listen to other people’s stories. Especially if those stories contradict what you’re wanting. For example, if a transgender woman disparages your desire to be topped by a transgender woman, you don’t want to listen to that.
The Universe isn’t listening to that person relative to your desire. So why should you?
The Universe thrives on diversity. Especially diversity of expression. That means, for every desire, a condition fulfilling that desire exists. This includes mates. In other words, for every person who wants to be with someone, no matter the conditions they desire, mates will show up. That’s right. Mates PLURAL. But most men just want one girl. Unless you men hold yourselves as not a match to what you want, it’s guaranteed you’ll get it.
For example, there are many men who want to be with a transgender woman who finds joy in using her penis. And for every man with this desire, there are increasing numbers of transgender women showing up expressing pleasure in such acts. Indeed, many such women exist on Instagram already. And many are quite beautiful. Same with YouTube. Here’s one YouTuber. Here’s another.
If you are such a man desiring such a girl, it’s really important you tell stories consistent with your desires. What do those sorts of stories sound like? Like this one, offered by Julian, a transamorous reader of our content who also happens to enjoy “bottoming,” apparently:
A transamorous guy offers a killer positive story
Get what you want
Julian’s perspective, his story, is as refreshing as it is bold. It also will guarantee he meets a woman who will derive joy from having sex with him. Julian doesn’t give a rip what other transgender women, or anyone else, thinks about his interest. And, he knows when he meets his match, she will get as much pleasure as he does from his style of sexual expression.
That’s been my experience. Nearly every transgender woman I’ve dated has been a match to my desires. That tells me it doesn’t matter what statistics say, or what transgender women say about my desires. As you are the creator of your reality, statistics don’t matter and neither do others’ opinions.
Every old sock meets an old shoe! You will get what you want. You open the door to what you want the moment you focus on your desires and leave everyone else’s opinion out of the equation.
