A trans-attracted client echoed what many of my clients feel after learning how to tell positive stories about their lives and things they want, including relationships.
He’s been in the practice only four months. And over that time, his life transformed dramatically. No wonder he’s doubling down on telling happy stories about life, about transgender women and about his trans-attraction. He knows it’s the best way to get what he wants in love.
Furthermore, he knows the power inherent in positive stories. They literally make everything possible. Including turning around in just a couple weeks circumstances which had this client contemplating suicide. Suicidal thoughts are nothing serious. Eliminating them comes easy once someone understands then uses the power of positive stories.
That’s what this client did. In a couple weeks, he no longer even thought about killing himself. Now, he’s so clear “stories create reality”, he’s glad he made the choice of connecting with The Transamorous Network rather than going to a therapist:
He’s right on another thing. Mass shootings in the US wouldn’t happen if people understood why emotions exist and where they come from. In their ignorance of this, some get so far down emotionally, feeling powerless and insecure, the only thing they can think of is shooting up a school, church or sporting event.
Such events needn’t happen. But so long as people don’t understand what’s happening inside and around them, they will keep happening. So will the suffering. Same holds true for transgender people and their admirers and suffering they experience in love. So long as such people don’t understand emotions and the power of stories, suffering will continue in life.
Eckhart Tolle wasn’t playing when he talked about how unnecessary suffering is:
Is suffering still necessary for you?
I love how Transamorous Network clients get that suffering no longer need exist in their lives. I love then watching as they tune their lives so their lives match stories they tell about how they want their life, instead of how it is.
The more they do that, the more powerful they get. Then the more free they get. Before long life for them becomes the adventure it is. Then they get the love, the partner, the life they knew was possible.
We suffer because we know deep down that life was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to contain everything we want, flowing to us easily. But for so many, that’s not the life they live.
I want everyone living their happiest life. Therapy does work for some. But it has a terrible success rate. Telling positive stories works 100 percent of the time. Positive story telling is one of the best kept life secrets.
Although it’s not a secret. People have shared this life approach for…ever.
Isn’t it about time you got in on the fun life and find your match?
Several months ago when my newest client came to me, he was extremely resistant about his trans-attraction, among other things. His strong negative stories created in him an extreme negative life and self image. As a result, he wanted to commit suicide.
One thing driving him to want to kill himself was shame he felt about being attracted to transgender women. He contacted me for this purpose, and after working through some of his negative stories, he found himself feeling more optimistic about his attraction, an attraction that is normal and wholesome.
But the more we talked about the fact that his transgender partner is standing by waiting for him to become a match to who she is, this client uncovered more and more disempowering stories. Stories which kept him from becoming a match to that person.
For example, like many trans-attracted people and transgender women, he believed it’s impossible finding a transgender woman matching his desires. When he considered such a woman being in his area, he thought it even more impossible.
He told me the odds for why he’d never meet this girl. When I told him she likely lived in his area right now, he said “there are no transgender women in my small town“.
My newest client telling me he believes the odds of him meeting trans women are so low, compared to meeting a cis woman. But the odds don’t matter. Your stories about what’s possible shape everything, regardless of the odds.
Powerlessness and random go hand-in-hand
When people don’t understand “stories create reality”, it’s very easy for them to get discouraged. That’s because they cannot tell they are the ones creating their reality. Instead, reality seems to show up as a random set of events beyond their control.
But everything is under one’s control. And stories we tell ourselves, are levers we can use to exert that control.
A person without this knowledge finds themselves powerless when it comes to realizing their dreams. Which is why so many experience anxiety and depression. When one doesn’t know they create reality, it does feel like reality happens beyond their control. That’s what was happening with his client. He felt powerless to have what he wanted. And powerless to stop feeling so negative about himself, and his natural desire.
All that was about to change though.
If you don’t know stories you tell are creating your reality, then reality can be quite frustrating. Especially if you’re transgender or trans-attracted. (Photo by Nsey Benajah)
Changes beget more changes
For several weeks, many weeks actually, he continued strongly asserting this idea that no transgender women live in his area. He had never seen any, he said. He couldn’t imagine there being any in his area because his area is so small and so conservative.
Meanwhile, I held fast to the knowledge that transgender women are everywhere. And there is nowhere where it is impossible to meet a transgender woman. Especially when the universe is cooperating to deliver everything everyone wants, thereby making everything possible.
I held that knowing for my client even as my client gave reason after reason for why there are no transgender women in his area. Here is a text he sent me reiterating his argument:
In the ensuing sessions, however, this client experienced one epiphany after another. These epiphanies had profound effects on his existing belief constellation. The more he explored his existing stories and changed them into better-feeling ones, the lighter he felt about himself and life.
As that lightness took over, he saw his attempts at committing suicide as ridiculous. He became more compassionate towards himself and his desires.
Tectonic shift from little changes
At one point, he pointed out that he had hired a transgender escort in a town nearby. I explained to him that that was evidence that transgender women are in his area.
But he denied this as evidence simply because this transgender woman was an escort, a sex worker. Somehow, in my client’s eyes, her being a sex worker disqualified her from being a “transgender woman in my area“. That’s hilarious I told him.
I asked my client some weeks later to implement a process that is common in the practice. I told him that if he implemented this while at work, transgender women will show themselves anywhere he is. At first he was hesitant, he didn’t think it would work. But he decided to do it.
Some days later he texted me telling me that indeed he had seen a transgender woman. About a month after that he had a paradigm shift. He literally shifted his knowing around transgender women and his local community. The transition, the shift, was so powerful, he sent me a text:
The very next session he opened the conversation saying “there are plenty of transgender women in my area”.
I was shocked but not shocked. After all, I knew there were lots of transgender women in his area. Even in his small town. He just needed to change his stories. Doing so, he produced amazing shifts in his reality.
Then he went even farther. He told me later he talked with a transgender woman who he had actually went to high school with. So not only were plenty of transgender women in his area, he actually knew some transgender women personally.
You can’t see beyond your stories
Why hadn’t he recalled this earlier? Why had he claimed so strongly that no transgender women exist in his area?
This is the power of stories. Your stories create your reality. And you cannot see beyond them. Even though my client had gone to high school with this person, even though he lives within walking distance of other transgender women in his neighborhood, all he could see was the absence of transgender women.
This applies equally to transgender women. If you, as a transgender woman, believe there are no men who will love you, guess what? You will not find a man who will love you. Same goes for stories such as “all men are chasers“, or “men who are interested in trans women only want to be topped by trans women“, or “all men interested in transgender women are fetishizing trans people“.
These are all powerful stories many transgender women share. And while they seem true, the only reason why they appear that way is because the stories themselves create a reality confirming them.
It’s a little more complicated than that. I talk through this in great detail with my clients. But the basic premise holds 100% of the time: stories create reality.
Transforming life into the Charmed Life
My client proved this to himself in such a profound way, he has totally given up the old belief he once held. Now he feels empowered and excited about his future. He is eager to meet not just a transgender woman he can date, but other transgender women as well. He wants to plug into the community and support them as an ally. Changing his stories has been so profound on him, it’s like he’s a totally different person!
We extended his practice a bit farther last week. I recommend he get out more so the Universe can show him more evidence. Having done that, he texted me, just this morning, the following:
I love seeing these kinds of transformations within clients. It’s so fun working with people in such a way that they transform their life into the Charmed Life I talk about. The kind of life where everything happens for the person instead of the person “making things happen“.
I look forward to more epiphanies coming from this client’s experience. Because when he has an epiphany, I revel in it, which then creates fertile ground for me to experience more of my own epiphanies. There’s nothing better than knowing that stories create reality.
A client recently had a wonderful experience. She met her perfect match. She marveled that it happened, which set the stage for future such meeting.
Most people reading this account of how it happened won’t believe the person she met is her perfect match. But that’s exactly what happened.
We offer a matchmaking service here at the Transamorous Network. But it is not your typical matchmaking service. You don’t select someone you think is your match from a pool of candidates like people do through online dating. That way doesn’t work all that well. Instead, our “pool“ is the entire planet. And your selection happens by virtue of the stories you tell.
Then the universe coordinates events such that you meet your match effortlessly.
In this way, every client gets bespoke service: their matches come perfectly aligned with stories they tell at any moment. That makes every encounter a perfect match. That means most perfect matches don’t show up with “until death do us part” in mind. More often, they help a person know what stories need cleaning up before the perfect match the person really wants shows up.
In other words, often one’s perfect match in the moment represents a steppingstone to a better, more ideal perfect match coming in the future. So if you’re a transgender woman and you’re meeting shady, down low, or chaser men, they’re a perfect match to the stories (complaints about men) you’re telling yourself.
Creep? Or something else?
Such was the case with this client. She’s soothed many bogus stories. Stories about herself, about dating, about men, stories about relationships, all of which created a reality reflecting these beliefs back to her.
That’s why her dating life filled with men wanting her to top them, men calling her drunk just looking for sex, or transphobic men.
Again, all these men reflected back to my client stories she tells about her reality. And as she gradually did something about that, her life started reflecting back to her her changed beliefs.
Which brings us to the story she told at our session this week.
“I went to a gas station to fill my tank,“ She said. “The attendant came and I told him what I wanted and while my car was filling, he stood next to my car door.”
She said the attendant stood there even though other cars had come to fill their tanks as well.
“My initial thought was this guy’s creepy,” She said. “But then I remembered our talks, and realized that story was from my old beliefs about men and about being worthy of having someone who’s interested in me.“
There are plenty of men who will love you for who and what you are. But if you think all men are just out to objectify you, those are the only men you’ll meet. (Photo by Caleb Ekeroth on Unsplash)
Inspired action opens the door
At that point, she decided to change her interpretation of what was happening. Instead of disempowering conclusions about men who get close to her or look at her, she considered that this guy standing next to her door was something else that what she thinks it was.
“So rather than rolling up my window,” She said. “I said to the guy ‘how are you doing?’ And the guy turned around and looked at me and said ‘I’m doing good’.”
She and the guy then had a brief conversation. Toward the end, the guy looked at her nails and said “I really like your nails”.
“What is this an indication of my beliefs changing?“ She asked.
“Yes!“ I said.
Most people will scoff at reading this. They will say “that’s not a match. That’s just some random event.” But unless you understand how reality happens, how stories create reality and how a person moves from negative to positive experiences through telling better stories, you can’t see this exchange for what it is.
It is a perfect matching up between the client and this guy complimenting her nails. The client knows this because this has never happened for her. She’s never, EVER, talked to a stranger this way before. Nor has a man ever complimented her about anything.
And yet here she was striking up a conversation, i.e., taking the initiative, and getting a very positive result. Needless to say, the client felt quite empowered.
That relationship you want is out there. It’s waiting for you to become a match to it. (Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash)
This? A perfect match?
But the most important thing is she recognized the experience for what it was: a perfect matching up of who she is becoming, in the moment, with an experience reflecting back that new version of her.
Why didn’t the guy ask her out, or indicate more interest? Why did he only offer a compliment? And how is this a perfect match?
The client still has several disempowering stories going on inside her. Many are about her being transgender. Many are about scarcity in the dating sense. She still believes hardly any men exist who will love her for who she is. As a result, she feels desperate and grasping about love. That’s a problem.
So this experience reflects back to the client the combination of her desires; resistance she still has about those desires, and beliefs which stand in contradiction of her desires. The Universe constantly delivers what everyone wants. But it can’t work around people’s resistance. If it could, then people wouldn’t have free will. Nor can it work through beliefs contrary to the desire. What people get then is a reality in which truncated versions of their desires show up.
The guy complimenting her nails was as close to the full-blown desire for a relationship this client can get given the combination above. That’s OK though, because she sees this exchange as a big improvement on guys asking for dick pics, wanting her to top them, or guys misgendering her.
Online dating can’t get around your disempowering stories. You’ll just hook up with person after person reflecting your stories back to you. Better to attend to your stories then let the universe match you up with your perfect match. Not only is it 100 percent free, it’s way more fun too! (Photo by Victoria Heath)
Getting ready for more
She and I delighted in the story. It was fun seeing all her work culminate in this wonderful experience. In delighting in what happened, the client knows she’s preparing herself for more significant experiences on the way.
As with all things in life, meeting your match this way is a gradual experience. It doesn’t have to take forever though. And it’s for sure way more fun than online dating.
But if you’re telling stories as a transgender woman, or a trans-attracted man, that your match is impossible to find or that men are always a certain way or transgender women are, then that gradual turns into forever. Life’s happiness gets sucked out of life experience. Then you become someone who thinks all men are chasers or transgender women are all gold-diggers.
Sound familiar?
At The Transamorous Network, we show people how to change all of that. Our clients effortlessly discover their perfect match. There’s never just one perfect match. There’s a succession of perfect matches, all cued up to offer delightful experiences like the one this client had. Experiences that will eventually culminate in that one match everyone thinks is the only one that will delight them.
The paradox of that belief is that you cannot have that match until you become a match to it. And becoming a match to it means that the ultimate match that you’re really wanting is the match in which you have with yourself. When you become that match, when your self love, your self appreciation knows no limit, the joy of self exists within you. And when you’re there, then you are truly a match to the love you deeply desire.
We guarantee every client that outcome. The perfect match awaits anyone wanting that. Ready for yours?
Everyone comes into the world with world-changing perspectives. Most of us though, fall by the wayside of fulfilling that. We compromise on our dreams and the world misses out. A young trans-attracted man’s experience offers an extreme example of what happens when we compromise, and how powerful stories are.
No one comes into the world with nothing to offer. That’s especially true for trans-attracted men and transgender women. For my newest client, what he came to offer was not only his gender paradigm-busting trans-attraction, but also a desire to entertain.
When very young, “Jeff” knew entertainment was his passion. Now at 23, he still does. But in the 23 years, Jeff talked himself into fear and dread about even thinking about being an entertainer. In that fear and dread, Jeff sees himself as a deviant, someone not only isn’t worthy of entertainment success, but romantic success too.
Here’s his story.
Transgender people know
From age 10 – 12 Jeff experimented sexually with his older brother. This is more common than people think. That such experiences get kept under wraps though can generate all kinds of screwy stories about such acts. Especially since nearly everyone forgets who and what they are immediately after birth. Because of that, it’s easy drawing conclusions that are way off from what actually happens.
Jeff’s sex play with his brother was intentional, wholesome and as normal as his trans-attraction. Such experiences help clarify one’s core intentions early on. In this way, a person gets their “true north”. They discover their passions and, if followed, they will also discover all manner of successes.
Transgender people know this first hand. Many I speak with know early on they are not the gender they came into the world as. Early experimentations with women’s clothes marks for many trans-attracted men, a point where their trans-attraction journey begins. Look around. You’ll see many trans people and gender non-conforming individuals. Those who unabashedly accept who and what they are often find success, often in non-traditional ways.
Nearly all transgender people I’ve spoken with knew at an early age the gender they expressed at birth wasn’t the one aligned with who they are. Including Alexandra Grey, pictured here.Trans-attracted men have similar experiences as children. Such experiences help the eternal being, here to transform the world, understand how they intended to do that. (Photo from Instagram)
We explore connections with that which we perceive is separate from us. Children explore the oneness that innately exists, but is forgotten at birth. Through imagination and play they practice with forces they know create worlds. “Oneness” is one such force. Sexual play connects children with and reminds them they are one with all that is.
But since most people – including many parents – don’t understand this, often people get the wrong ideas when children do things seemingly out of step with social and behavioral “norms”. Those people then create stories they instill in kids which knock kids off their natural trajectory.
That’s what happened to Jeff. Even though he and his brother enjoyed their play and sought it out often, Jeff still held extremely negative stories about what he did. Many he adopted from his parents, peers and his conservative surroundings. Those stories prompted others about himself. They included negative stories about his sexual preferences, about his relationship desires. He even told stories that condemned him personally.
How stories create “rejection”
All these stories led to intense self-loathing. He believed he was a deviant, a pervert, and a creep. He even believed he was a sexual predator who sexually assaulted his older brother. Even though both initiated the play on separate occasions.
All these beliefs amplified as time went on. Before long, Jeff hated himself, not only for what he had done, but also for who he was.
This is why even the idea of being an entertainer, sent terror and panic through him. After all, being in entertainment, for Jeff, literally meant exposing who and what he (believed) he was. So Jeff had a lot he wanted to keep secret. A career in entertainment put him in a panic.
Think about that. Instead of feeling exhilaration and joy when thinking about his passion, Jeff instead felt shame, exposed, dread and fear.
When he thought about having a relationship he felt even worse. No one would want to be with him, if they knew what he did, he thought. No one would want to be with him if they knew what he was. It was no wonder then, that when he tried forming relationships, girls rejected (he believed) his overtures. They refused because his stories manifested as awkwardness, discomfort and relationship clumsiness.
So when they refused his advances, they confirmed who Jeff believed he was. That sunk him deeper into a hole Jeff believed he would remain forever. Living alone and unloved.
Jeff gets better
Meanwhile, he continued his sexual trajectory solo, which had him experimenting with non-traditional sexual preferences and consuming porn. Those preferences lead him to discovering his trans-attraction. As one would imagine given his background, that attraction intensely amplified his self-loathing. For now, not only was he an unloveable sexual predator, he also was attracted to “shemales”, a word he has since stopped using.
Confused and at his wits end, it was no wonder he reached out to The Transamorous Network. His desires felt so strong, he thought they must be there for a reason. Yet he couldn’t bear the emotional pain of his decidedly, powerful, unflattering stories. He needed help and he needed it fast.
After the first session, Jeff felt immensely better. A natural to telling positive stories, Jeff immediately got results The Transamorous Network guarantees everyone gets. The first thing we talked about was how normal and wholesome being trans-attracted is. Then we talked about stories, how they create reality, and why, and how to create a life where anything one wants can be. Immediate results were dramatic:
In just one session, Jeff found tremendous shifts in his life and being.Not much longer after that first text, he accepts his trans-attraction as a good thing, and worthy of pursuing.
In the second session, we uncovered his repressed desire for stage performance. But he reacted to this after the session with extreme fear and anxiety. His old stories got triggered. He felt powerless amidst them, and lost all the ground we gained in the first session.
Unworthiness blocks fulfillment
Such strong negative emotion usually indicates an extremely strong desire for the thing one thinks about. That strong desire creates whole new worlds for humanity and for the individual when pursued. So it is best for everyone involved to fulfill such desires.
But since people come into the world and almost immediately become bewildered by life’s “realness”, it’s easy to develop feelings of unworthiness. Especially around deeply fulfilling desires, such as living an authentic gender or sexual orientation preference. Or fully developing and expressing an inherent talent.
Look around and you’ll see that unworthiness taints nearly everyone, leaving many, many people giving up their dreams and never living authentically. Instead they live in compromise, in unsatisfying relationships and working for others instead of living a professional passion.
Several of Jeff’s other stories exemplified this. He believed, for example, that hardly anyone succeeds in entertainment, and so he couldn’t either. He felt certain his performances would be “too edgy” for audiences, even though he acknowledged the most successful modern day entertainers owe their massive success to “edgy” content.
Even when I explained that many people have successful careers in many ways besides the stage, his beliefs blocked his ability to see these possibilities. Instead, he said just thinking about being an entertainer was “scary”.
After soothing his resurfaced fears, we talked a little more about his trans-attraction before closing the session.
Limiting beliefs get triggered, often without the believer noticing what’s happening. Here Jeff gets it, which is a great thing because now he can do something about it, then chart a path to success through his passions.
Jeff has a crisis
Between that session and the next though, Jeff sent me a text early one morning. It said he contemplated suicide, and called a suicide prevention hotline. That didn’t phase me, as I always hold the story that things always work out. I also knew this specific situation with Jeff would produce awesome opportunities, so long as Jeff could hold it together.
Right as I considered all that, my Broader Perspective suggested Jeff was “panicking” and that he’d pull through. So I held true to my knowing.
But Jeff said he considered seeing a professional therapist given his “deep trouble”. Do what he felt was best, I told him while holding (still) to the fact that all was well.
Hours later, Jeff sent another text backpedaling from the therapist route. He wanted to continue our sessions because, having calmed, he thought they were serving him. Of course, I agreed because they were serving him. Changes in Jeff were immediate after the first session. I knew he’d recover.
We then had a long conversation over text in which I clarified what happens when someone commits suicide. It’s not the big deal people make of it, I told him. I told him he’d still have the same opportunity post-suicide that he’s facing now. Nothing would be lost, I told him. Nothing or no one of any significance would judge him poorly for killing himself.
Jeff texting amidst his panic.
Then: a powerful inflection
Jeff felt relief from this exchange. As we together explored more empowering stories about suicide, where his emotions were coming from and why, his mood improved to the point where he said he’d cancel the therapist appointment he scheduled. He said he felt more certain sticking with The Transamorous Network. Then he sent a text that confirmed what my Broader Perspective told me:
Later, Jeff confirms what my Broader Perspective told me.
The next two sessions were powerful inflection moments. Jeff readily took to the idea that stories create your experience. Everyone knows this deep down. But Jeff really has a talent for it, which is what got him into his initial trouble.
Some people with profound positive intent come in super clear that their stories create their reality. But like nearly everyone, for a while they too get knocked off course. Substance dependence, depression, chronic anxiety and the perceived need for “mood stabilizers” can surface if one’s trajectory isn’t recovered.
Jeff’s substance of choice was porn and weed. But what’s remarkable was what happened as he got back on track, on the trajectory he chose before finding himself in a body. In less than a couple days, Jeff found empowerment around everything we uncovered. Including what he did as a child. In fact, stories we practiced transformed both his current experiences and his past, turning his life from a terrible experience not worth living, to an extremely empowering opportunity where he can have everything he wants.
In a few sessions, Jeff completely transformed his relationship with his past and his trans-attraction. Now he’s charting a trajectory though which he will release watching porn and becoming a match to his ideal partner.
Stories create life experience
He’s not fully out of the grip of powerful momentum spawned from chronic negative story telling. But it’s evident he significantly broke the grip of what had him before (negative momentum born of extremely negative stories).
It’s a couple weeks since writing this post. Here’s the latest exchange we shared.
He still can’t talk about performances without triggering disempowering stories. But he is seeing remarkable relief from his chronic porn consumption. All in just two weeks and a few sessions. He’s also near-completely accepted his trans-attraction as a good thing.
Jeff’s experience shows how powerful stories are. If positive stories can bring someone from the brink of suicide, how easy can stories attract one’s ideal match?
The point of this story is not how powerful what we offer is. The point is only one thing makes someone’s life joyful. That is what one tells themselves about the life they live.
Stories also shape what happens in that life. A person can create any life they want. Once the momentum gets going in that direction, life gets really fun.
No one need live an awful life. No one need live in loneliness, or a life in which their desires go unfulfilled. Everyone comes knowing they can do, be or have whatever they want. Nearly everyone forgets that though.
The Transamorous Network exists to remind people what’s possible. Then we show people how to make what’s possible real. Ready to know how? Contact us.
A Transamorous Network Client sent a text this week which offers a wonderful clarifying perspective. It shows distinctly why people settle in most areas of their lives, having given up on their dreams.
Some people push back when I say nearly everyone settles, especially when it comes to finding a partner. But when one understands how the Universe works, and why people act how they do while not knowing how the Universe works, one realizes why settling is indeed the greatest pandemic of our times.
And not just in relationships.
Why no one wants to settle but nearly everyone does
Wayne Dyer once wrote “you’ll see it when you believe it.”
That statement accurately reflects how the Universe works. A person who talks themselves into believing something, will, in time, discover that something to be “true”. No matter what it is, or how crazy others think it, a person who believes will see what they believe.
This is how the Universe works. It constantly reflects back to all of us what we believe. It does this so we can adjust our beliefs so they align with what we want, then receive what we want. No matter what that is.
Knowing this is power. For knowing this, one can create any reality one wants. All one needs is sufficient belief.
My artwork
But the universal experience of “emergence” (commonly called “birth”) is, when a person comes through a vagina, the experience of physical reality, combined with their forgetting who and what they are, creates bewilderment. In that bewildered state, the eternal being, now human, flails a bit for stability. Usually, that means leaning on others who came before. Initially that’s usually parents.
Indoctrination begins
But after a while it also includes teachers, what one sees on TV and peers. It also includes the immediate environment and personal experiences. Having forgotten their eternal nature and origin, for humans, physical reality trumps internal reality. As surroundings take precedence, it appears that reality exists separate from the perceiver. That’s not ever the case. But that’s what it looks like.
So the perceiver begins to “believe what they see”, not realizing what’s really happening; that they are seeing what they believe. Much of what they see and what they learn from others, who are equally if not more out to lunch about what’s really happening than new arrivals, appears to be that the world is random, scary, limited and requires struggle and pain.
In that world, one must “get real”, stop living youthful fantasies, get a job and carry their own weight. This applies not only to earning a living, but to every other aspect of life. Including relationships.
So the result of all this flawed thinking is people give up on their dreams. Or they adopt mediocre goals from others, or parrot what others do. And since mostly everyone has “gotten real” and given up on their fantasies, it’s easy to see why people would settle for something less than their dreams.
No wonder so many live ordinary lives. And no wonder so many settle in relationships. That deftly explains the divorce rate as well.
The “dream” nearly everyone trades their authentic being and desires for. No one comes through a vagina explicitly wanting this. But nearly everyone compromises, then wonders how they got here.
My client’s experience proves the rule
“Alonzo” stood in exactly that place as he shared his thoughts this week. He texted a defense of his limited beliefs while not realizing that’s what he did. What he thought he did was explain “what’s true”.
But what’s true is whatever someone believes long enough. And usually, that means what someone adopted from others, from statistics, or observation, none of which has anything to do with getting what one wants.
Here’s what he texted.
My client “Alonzo” defending limitations inherent in his beliefs. Beliefs born from too much observation and not enough creation.
I know many, many trans-attracted men share similar ideas/beliefs because such men contact me regularly and say similar things.
But again, these things they say have no relevance to what they want. But they do create realities wherein what they want doesn’t exist. It’s no wonder then that they experience frustration and loneliness or, worse, hopelessness in finding their match.
Thinking such thoughts/telling such stories prevents such men from having what they want. What happens next is they settle, choosing to be with a cisgender woman, who can’t possibly (and shouldn’t) satisfy their desires. Then both the woman and the guy live a dissatisfying relationship until they separate in anger, frustration and resignation.
I’m not making this up. Two past clients lived that example. So I know many more have as well.
Some transgender women tell their version of these same stories. Which is why they live sad, lonely, frustrating lives. They’ll settle for a female partner, even though they prefer a male one. Or they go through dating “hell” online, where they kiss many, many frogs. Hell, all kinds of people tell such stories. Transgender women aren’t the only ones trying to solve their relationship dilemmas through online dating.
So let’s look at my client’s text, unpack these beliefs, then create new ones more consistent with what’s wanted. It’s not hard. And anyone can do it. Because everyone came into the world with this ability.
The way out of mediocre
Statistics offer a convenient analysis of a population. But every statistician will tell you that the closer to an individual member of that population, the less accurately that analysis will be. Statistics also don’t explain anything. They just describe a group of things or people based on measurable information.
Of course, we’re not using statistics when referring to how humans create reality. In this case, such things as stats become 100 percent irrelevant. Individual life experience is 100 percent subjective, meaning, no two people experience identical experiences. Nor do they ever conclude similarly.
What’s more, experiences an individual might have depend 100 percent on what they tell themselves. That’s the only thing – their beliefs – creating their experience.
So the problem with the belief that transgender women “…make up 0.6% of the population, and far fewer than that actually are physically attractive to me, are mentally stable, and like the type of sex that I do…” Isn’t that it’s untrue. It may be true.
But is that a truth that helps this guy or hinders him? Obvious it’s the latter. Because looking at this statement he can’t help but think something like “the odds of me meeting a girl I’ll like are infinitesimally small.” That thought will quickly cause feelings like hopelessness, discouragement, pessimism and despair. None of these will lead this guy to his match.
But there is a way out. If you’ve read this blog regularly, you know what it is. It starts with telling better stories.
Finding your lover needn’t be frustrating. But it is when you’re telling stories that suck and you base your chances on the odds. (Photo by Adrian Swancar)
Don’t listen to the odds
The problem with Alonzo’s first belief is, it limits in the extreme what’s available. Again, if he believes this tiny sliver of the population is the only sliver available, he can’t possibly feel anything other than hopelessness. Especially if he has no idea how to connect with that tiny group.
More important though is this. When a person believes this way, they limit in the extreme what the Universe can do for them. The Universe doesn’t give a rip about that statistic. It is a wish-granting jewel. Everything is possible through it.
But the creation process is controlled by the creator. Not the Universe. So if the creator doesn’t believe what he or she wants, he or she can’t enjoy what’s wanted.
Since Alonzo believes these stats as “true”, what the Universe delivers is what he believes. Again, the Universe can’t deliver something we don’t believe is possible, which is why Wayne Dyer makes his assertion that you will see it when you believe it. Alonzo doesn’t believe he can meet his match. So he doesn’t.
The power of Alonzo’s text, isn’t the statistics. It’s his belief in the statistics. That’s what creates the “truth” of the numbers. Not the “fact” that the numbers are true.
Nearly everyone believes they need a huge group of single people from which to sift through and find their match. But no one needs a large pool. Few people want to simultaneously have a relationship with more than 1-3 people. Most people want only one person. Do you really need a pool of people from which to get that one?
Well, you do need a target rich environment if you have crappy aim! That way your chances are better of hitting the target. But since everyone creates their reality by what they believe, or what stories they tell, each person can precisely and easily move through situations where they meet that one person who knocks their socks off.
But if that person believes their match is hard to find, then guess what? They’re hard to find.
My client says he’s leaving the door open. But is he really? No, he’s not! The door is barely cracked open if he thinks his match exists among only .6 percent of the population. Meanwhile Universe stands ready with more than 100 ways Alonzo can meet her. Alonzo can’t access any of them though believing as he does.
Instead, he could tell stories which cause hope, optimism and even positive expectation to pour out of him. Such stories will automatically make him feel enjoying his desire is possible, even easy. Here’s what some might sound like:
How I feel when I tell this story doesn’t feel good
But I must be here because I can’t be anywhere else right now
I haven’t always felt this way. I remember other times I felt better
That means I don’t have to be stuck here
I can change what I think and believe
Since I can change it, I can accept that I believe this right now
I like thinking that I can change my thoughts/stories
That I can change my stories feels better than feeling stuck
Since I can change my stories, I can accept the stories I currently have.
These stories are a start. The first step always involves getting to a place where one accepts where they are, instead of resisting where they are. Anyone unhappy with where they are is resisting where they are.
Taking the next step
The next step: create stories that dispel or dislodge stories that create not-so-good feelings and replace those icky feelings with better-feeling ones.
There may be few out there, but I only need one
I can tell better stories than those I’m telling
I would prefer better-feeling stories
Maybe it won’t be as hard as I think
Maybe there are transgender women in my town
I really don’t know because I really haven’t looked
That feels true
I like the truth of that. Really, I haven’t looked
I can accept that I haven’t tried looking
Accepting that feels better than accepting how hard I thought it was before
What if I don’t have to try looking?
I like thinking that I don’t have to try
Perhaps there’s hope for me
I like feeling hope
Hope sure feels better than powerlessness
Maybe she is out there
It’s nice feeling some hope
So in a few brief, deliberately chosen statements, a person can go from powerlessness, to relief, to acceptance, to incipient belief…maybe even hope. And from there, it’s all down hill (in a good way), so long as the person doesn’t reinvest in old beliefs.
Stories that prevent you from getting the love you want often sound “true”. But that doesn’t matter! What matters is, is the story you’re telling tune you to what you want? These sure do not! Unless you want to remain single and unhappy. (My artwork)
Get on the upward spiral
Getting out of the momentum of disempowering stories feels hard until a person tries. But feeling powerless, hopeless or pessimism can change in an instant, or at most, a few minutes. Look around you though.
Likely people who don’t know what you’re reading surround you. So they look at the world, draw conclusions about what they see, see realities they create consistent with that, then say “yep, see, I’m right. The world is this way.”
Just like Alonzo.
The minute they tell themselves they’re right, they lock in that conclusion as a belief. Then the world ends up that way. A trans woman only meets chaser men. Men can’t find transgender women who aren’t whackos or prostitutes.
For example, Alonzo told me in our subsequent session that he “hasn’t seen a single trans woman in my area.”
“Of course not,” I said. “You can’t when you have such strong beliefs in the way creating a reality consistent with ‘there are none in my area’.”
It can be challenging convincing someone creating a reality they don’t want, that the reality they do want is as easy to create as that reality they have, the reality they don’t want.
But once someone learns how the they, their Broader Perspective and the Universe work together to create reality, I find these people start on a positive upward spiral leading to everything they want.
All my clients eventually enjoy the upward spiral of positive stories. The better stories they tell, the better they feel, then the better life gets. Then they want more of that, so they tell even more positive stories and life gets even better. (My artwork)
Get what you want
They can’t not get what they want because their Broader Perspective and the Universe want them to have it. The only reason they don’t have it is because they’re in the driver’s seat. This Universe and their Broader Perspective can’t give them what they want when they aren’t focused on that. The Universe and their Broader Perspective only gives the person what they attend to. Which is why beliefs are so important.
Beliefs are how humans attend to what they want. The problem is, most humans use their beliefs to attend to what they don’t want. Which is why so many don’t get what they want. Or they get a smattering of what they want, among a crap ton of things they don’t want.
Getting what’s wanted is supposed to be what’s happening here on Earth. The heaven everyone thinks comes after death is right here on Earth. But each person must create it for themselves. No one does it for them. Not even the Universe or one’s Broader Perspective.
Joy in life comes from figuring out how to do that then doing it deliberately. And the more one does it deliberately, the more joyful they become. Then their world must reflect back to them that joy, because that joy comes from joyful thoughts and thoughts create reality.
It’s not hard to do any of this. Everyone is doing it right now, today. They’re just doing it in the wrong direction which leads them to a life of settling.
