How To Be Safe And Date As A Trans Woman

Dear TTN,

I am a trans woman who recently found your service through an online search. I love the idea of what you are trying to accomplish. It seems like you have had a lot of success with helping individuals find each other and then find love. There is something that worries me though. With everything going on in our country right now it can be dangerous to be openly trans and looking for a partner. Not all people are as open and accepting as you. So here’s my questions: When connecting men to trans women how do you know it’s genuine? How do you know the man doesn’t have ulterior motives? Is there a vetting process? 

 I just want to be safe.

 Thank You,


Hey Safe-T,

Thanks for reaching out. I appreciate your concerns. How The Transamorous Network process works is much different than the way, it seems, you’re thinking it works.

By the end of this description, I think you’ll see there is no risk at all wrt meeting someone who would pose a danger to you. It will also show why I have “a lot of success” with helping people find the love they are looking for.

I help the people I work with, both transgender women and trans-attracted/transamorous men, move through various stages of becoming a match to the person they want to meet. So none of them are ready to be “matched” with a potential partner in real life at first.

Trying to match them in person with potential partners would be very challenging because of this. They can only find and resonate with what they’re putting out (i.e. their match). And most of my clients start off as NOT being a match to who they ultimately want as partners. So trying to put together an in-person match would fail way more than it succeeds. This explains why online dating has such dismal success. People only meet people they’re a match to. And most people aren’t ready to meet that perfect person. Including clients.

So that’s the first point.

The second point supports the first. Because of what I just described above, I don’t “literally” match people with potential partners in person. That would be far too difficult. I would need a HUGE stable of potential matches. But even if I did have such a stable, the chances of such “matches” working out would be very, very slim.

What I do instead is help people on both sides of the trans-community dating dynamic change how they think about the people on the other side of the dynamic. In other words, I help the men better understand the woman they want to meet, mostly by first understanding themselves. I do the same with transgender women. In doing that, gradually, both the men and the women find themselves increasingly meeting better matches “spontaneously” or “coincidentally”. However, the approach I use doesn’t acknowledge “coincidence” in the way society generally means when using that word.

What happens is, as clients change their stories, they become better matches to the kinds of people they want to meet. As they do that, the physical world, which is a reflection of one’s internal, psychic or mental state, includes potential partners that are, again, increasingly better and better matches. This naturally results when one improves their internal, psychic or mental state. Because the external world is a reflection of that inner world.

This process usually takes a while, as all things usually do in physical reality. That’s mainly because it takes people a while to acknowledge stories (beliefs, thoughts, ideas) about themselves, about being trans, being trans-attracted, about relationships, about potential partners, etc. are creating their reality. They also must contend with the momentum of whatever current disempowering stories they have about these subjects, which are being reflected back to them in their now-reality and must therefore be contended with before improvement shows up.

But through the process, this improvement and progress becomes obvious. Evidence proving its working quickly piles up until it becomes undeniable. In time, then, people begin relaxing with the process instead of resisting it. Then they ease beliefs that are contrary to what they want.

As they do this, one of the pieces of evidence that shows up is, prospective partners – their quality, character, etc. – start improving. As that happens, clients relax more (give up more resistance). Eventually, physical reality MUST present the client with an ideal partner, or partners, if that’s what they want, since physical reality is a reflection of one’s internal, psychic or mental state.

This is why I have so much success with both sides of the trans-community dating dynamic. I help clients address the source from which their dating experience emerges, rather than trying to figure out whether this person or that person will be their ideal match. Their ideal match shows up automatically, once the client gets their stories to match what it is they want.

Ultimately, every date represents a perfect match. They always reflect back to us who we’re dominantly being. So if a person is meeting people they don’t like, the problem isn’t in the people they’re meeting. The person is the problem.

They’re also the solution.

So, presuming you’re still reading 🙂 you can see how the risk of meeting someone posing a danger to you would be impossible with my approach. It simply can’t happen, because the client is predisposed, mentally, psychically to not meet such people as a result of the process we use. Then physical reality only brings people who are a match to that predisposition.

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