Tag: Transwomen

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Letters@The Transamorous Network

Lovd@The_Transamorous_Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Hi,

I for most of my life have lived and thought of myself as a straight man. Now though I feel I am also attracted to trans women pre and post SRS. I prefer women but I’m also attracted to trans women. I am from India and we have this under a taboo subject line. So I haven’t told anybody yet. I just want to understand my sexuality better. I have only felt sexual attraction to trans women yet, maybe because I don’t know any trans women. If you were familiar with India, you would probably know that here transsexuals don’t really live with everyone else as a community. They are sent or left with other transsexuals and don’t really come in contact with the rest of the society generally. I hope you’ll understand my confusion and help me understand my sexuality. I accepted it quite some time ago. The first time I felt it, I was scared but soon I realised it’s who I am, and accepted it.

Kumar K.

Hi Kumar,

That you are writing us indicates your willingness to want to understand more of what and who you are. Congratulations! Yes, we’re very familiar with how Indian society regards Hijira. Here are some things to consider, based on what you wrote:

Regarding your sexual orientation: It doesn’t matter if you’re bi or straight….or even gay really. Although “totally” gay men aren’t usually attracted to transgender women because gay men are attracted to men. However, we have had both gay men and gay women (lesbians) contact us asking for help with their attraction to trans men and trans women. The point is, whether you’re “straight” or not doesn’t matter.

That said, some transgender women who aren’t fully secure in who they are, avoid men who are bi or otherwise not “straight”. That’s because some transgender women feel insecure about themselves. They feel insecure because they tell stories that conjure insecurity. Rather than changing their stories, finding their invincibility then dating from there, they try soothing their insecurity through validation from prospective partners.

So a “totally straight” man is usually what they are looking for because a “totally straight” man will validate that they are women. A guy who is somewhere in the middle, i.e. not so straight, will trigger their stories and thus their insecurity.

The problem with insecurity-producing stories is they match the story teller with people who are themselves insecure. This is why so many trans women complain about DL men: they meet so many DL men because DL men are insecure and thus match the women’s insecurity.

Everyone always meets their match. If you’re insecure, you’re going to meet insecure people when dating.

That said, there are lots of transgender people who are secure in their self-awareness, their stories and beliefs and choose partners from there. Such trans women are open to men who are not totally straight because the men’s non-straightness doesn’t threaten the women.

Your orientation is not that important relative to your attraction. But your stories about your orientation create circumstances consistent with them. You just want to be aware of that.

A “straight man” is always attracted to attractive transgender women…until they find out the woman is trans. This is because the idea of a “transgender” person threatens their insecurity (their negative stories about themselves) as a straight man, in the same way a bi male might threaten the insecurity of a transgender woman. Is this making sense to you?

So a straight man is usually at the very least intrigued….when they meet an attractive transgender woman. A secure straight man would not be reviled by the presences of a transgender woman, for example.

On your preferences: Good for you. As you come more into owning who and what you are, you may refine your preferences. But for now, it’s totally ok to have the preferences you have.

On taboos: One of the reasons you chose to be born in India is to explore your sense of self-identity juxtaposed against a society which is very strict about how one thinks about one’s self compared to others. You also are there to “shake things up”. This is, generally, what all trans-attracted men came to do. Same with transgender women.

You came into the world appreciating the marvelous diversity of life. The more you are secure with who you are, you give room for others to do the same. If you think about this regarding the women you now accept being attracted to, you offer them a great gift: proof through your sincere, honest and transparent attraction to them that they are worthy of being. And of being loved. That’s huge.

It’s a fascinating journey Kumar. One that has lots of wondrous experiences in store for you.

TTN

Hi again,

Thanks for the reply. I really appreciate it and would like to answer that yes I understand what you are saying. If I am being completely honest with you I would say I prefer women. I always have and it’s natural to me. But I also find trans women attractive as I already said in my last email. I don’t really care if they are pre SRS, I am still attracted to them. Because post SRS they are basically women. They don’t need to explain themselves to anyone. I won’t so much say that I am attracted to men, but yes I have thought as far as a kiss maybe, but nothing more, and it has only happened on rarest of rare occasions. To be exact, twice. It’s just really freeing to actually Converse with someone about this. Thanks for the reply. It really means a lot to me. 

Kumar

Hi again Kumar,

You’re welcome. Good you’re understanding. It’s ok to prefer women. You haven’t been with a transgender woman yet 😂.

It’s interesting too that you’re exploring outer edges of who you are, for here in your second reply you admit experiencing physical intimacy to some degree with men. This shows this whole idea of “straightness” filled with more holes that most people think. Humans would be better off dropping stories claiming there’s only “men” and “women” and “Gay” and “Straight”.

Keep exploring!

TTN

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How I created $10,000

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Life is delightful.

Last month, in cahoots with Inner Being, I realized $10,000 in project funding. Rendezvousing with those funds came surprisingly and delightfully, which is how “right timing” always feels.

Right timing happens when I tell the right stories about what I want consistently enough that my reality matches stories I tell. This works with creating money, apartments, partners, or even intangibles such as happiness, well being and freedom. Here’s how to do it:

• • •

Between jobs last month and with COVID-19 shutting down job opportunities, I slowed down looking for work. In that space, I realized what I wanted more than a job paying the bills, was my projects paying the bills.

But current stories about my projects funding my living created ongoing nows consistent with those stories. That’s why I needed work. I didn’t believe my projects could pay my bills.

So that’s the reality I got.

Earlier last month though, I decided I would allow current stories a path out of my awareness. Doing that, I knew they would no longer influence my reality. Do that long enough, I knew, and stories consistent with my desires would become my reality.

That’s what I started two weeks ago. On Day one, determination reigned. By Day 12, old stories re-asserted themselves. All stories, beliefs or thoughts enjoy leaning toward their fullest expression. Believe it or not, stories are living things as all thoughts are. They revel in expression.

Once in my head, it can be hard getting them out. Unless I know what to do, that is, which I do, so it’s not hard. It’s easy.

The withdraw

My old stories reveled in my then present reality. The more I looked for work, the stronger their momentum. Their revelry felt like pressure, fear and anxiety inside me. That’s because their revelry in me drew to me thoughts like these:

  • I gotta get a job. My savings is running out
  • I should take whatever I can get
  • If I don’t take this job, there may not be others

Sense scarcity consciousness in those?

But then I reminded myself that I create my reality. Not these stories. I can choose stories I tell. I’ll choose stories that feel good and know by my good feelings, realities consistent with my positive stories will become my reality.

Thoughts that feel good sounded like this:

  • I don’t need to take any of these jobs I feel “blah” about
  • There are plenty of jobs available for me
  • My Inner Being knows the best job for me
  • I’ll wait for that best job

But then, while thinking those thoughts, other more positive thoughts came to me:

  • I don’t want a job!
  • I really enjoy working on my projects
  • Why can’t my projects support my living?
  • They can!
  • I want that reality!
  • Working on my projects full time feels fun!

That was around Day six. Between Day six and Day 12, old story constellations reasserted themselves several times each day. They (those thoughts) would pop into my head from time to time vying with my new, emerging stories. This is how it goes. It’s what changing your reality looks like.

Thankfully, I trained myself into monitoring my feelings. Any time I felt bad, I knew old stories popped up, even if I didn’t know what stories I told at that time.

Sometimes I knew. I felt and heard the thought. Other times, I didn’t.

No matter. Anytime I felt negative emotion, I pulled my attention back into the now, then focused on the positive thought-set. Something interesting: Negative emotion usually came when I let my attention slip into the future. That’s a no-no because when there I easily slip into trying to figure out the “how” and the “when” about what I want: How will my projects sustain me? When will that happen? Will it happen before I run out of money?

Those thoughts create fear and worry. So I know they don’t lean toward my desired reality that’s becoming my now. Instead, they lean the other way.

Any time I couldn’t shift my thinking because old story momentum had too much strength, I would take a nap, or go do something I enjoy: watch a favorite movie, or go on a walk.

By Day 14, I had done a lot of all that. I felt really good.

The morning of Day 14, I had wonderful dreams and epiphanies I wrote about in my journal. Then, one of my Positively Focused clients sent a message on WhatsApp. He’s not only a client, he’s keen about Copiosis,  my other project. He’s given money to that organization before.

Whatsapp

It just so happened, I launched a Copiosis social media advertising strategy earlier that week. So I had plenty to show him. The progress excited him. In his excitement he told he would give me more money to run that organization. Then he said use the rest of his gift to fund my living expenses so I could work full time on my projects.

How much was “the rest”?  Nine thousand, five hundred and eighty dollars! I walked right into my desired reality!

Here’s the thing about all this. The money is great. Now I don’t need a job. It will fund my living expenses for most of the rest of the year. More money is coming, I’m sure.

But what’s more thrilling is what I experienced on the way to this money. The deliberate focus. Telling the right stories. Clarity coming from that. Positive, wonderful, ecstatic feelings coming from clarity.

Every moment I stayed in the present moment, I enjoyed throughly. In other words, most of that time I was happy. I’m happy still.

Those times I didn’t I stay in the Moment of Becoming, I see as beneficial too. Without them, I wouldn’t know I was heading away from what I wanted. So even those times benefitted me.

Getting the $10K is great. But desire fulfillment lasts hardly as long as anticipation, the joyful expectations, the pleasure that is knowing desire fulfillment is on its way. Seeing the signs as I move toward desire fulfillment sweetens the journey.

Since I’m eternal, new desires will always spring up. So I’ll always be on the way to a new desire.

How does all this relate to finding a partner? Your reality springs from stories you’re telling. Old story momentum creates your reality just as my old story momentum created my “I need a job” reality. Change your stories and in a little while, you’ll find yourself in new realities. Realities filled with abundant relationship options, no matter how unlikely you think your relationship options are.

Life gets mostly lived on a journey towards someplace. Every time I arrive, arrival births new desires. Which is why I know this: Life is about the journey. Not the destination. Settle into that truth. Not only will you have more fun, you’ll get what you want fast.

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How To Embrace Your Trans-attraction And Be Married

Holding hands

I’m divorced now.

My divorce wasn’t because I’m transamorous. It came after a long series of unrelated events. Events requiring my ex-wife and I going our separate ways as different people with different desires.

I can give more detail. But that won’t help.

What is helpful is this: if you’re trans-attracted, married to someone other than a trans woman, and you find yourself desiring transgender women, you can stay married.

But you’ll be happier married to a trans woman if marriage is what you want.

Authenticity will win in the end. That means your trans-attraction will win. It’s winning now. Why do you think you’re reading this? 😂😂😳

That eager, irresistible desire? That’s your authenticity. Like gay people who finally own their authenticity and trans people too, you will as well. It is inevitable.

When you do, the whole world will benefit. You will too. So will your current spouse.

Are you ready?

Maybe you’re ready. Maybe you’re impatient. Impatience can speed things up. But a natural end to your marriage, rather than a blow up, feels better. It’s a smoother ride. And, through patience, allowing life its way, you and your wife will part in peace.

Maybe you think you can’t be patient. That’s why we are here. Maybe you already shared this part of you with your spouse, and, like my clients, you’re trying to figure out what comes next.

When that’s through, and your marriage too, you still must reconcile stories shaping unwanted realities. Realities that include inauthentic marriages.

Crappy_Marriage

You, your spouse, your marriage, and everything else in contact with you is colored. It’s colored by tension you carry in you. That tension, as well as the eager desire you have for transgender women, tells you something. It tells you you have strong stories expressing strong desire.

Those stories and your desire will not be denied.

You know fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, right? Of those who stay together, some last. But in some large number of that lasting group, two unhappy people are ignoring their unhappiness.

That’s no fun. Life is supposed to be fun. Part of that fun includes your trans-attraction.

Your trans-attraction isn’t about you alone. It’s also about every person with whom you interact. Most important, your trans-attraction is about those transgender women (or men) you find yourself attracted to.

That’s because you add to others’ lives as others add to your own. You help people you’re drawn to. You do that by loving them and appreciating them. Loving and appreciating them in the open.

When you do, that love and appreciation returns to you. You love yourself more. You have more fun. You have better relationships.

Your trans-attraction holds great benefit for you. As it does for others. Ignore it and the benefit eludes you.

You can’t hide

The moment I chose living authentically, not only did I find more transgender women in my life, I felt lighter and freer. No longer living a lie, life got easier.

Believe it or not, your wife and everyone else involved already knows you’re trans-attracted. Whether you’ve used words to tell them or not, they pick up on it through their inner knowing.

They don’t consciously know they know. They have a feeling. That feeling effects how they treat you, how they react to you, and how you react to them.

I once spoke with a married trans-attracted man whose marriage included arguments and drama. Both parties played their part. Both reacted to the other. Sure, there were surface level issues. But these issues didn’t warrant the drama. I told this guy his drama and arguments with his wife came from his inauthenticity. He said that felt true.

Partners know what’s going on. They don’t know they know, but they know. You can’t hide.

Your heart’s desire: She’s out there

Here’s what I know about being married to a cisgender woman while being transamorous. Maybe it will help you.

  • Compromising my trans-attraction felt shitty.
  • My wife never measured up because she couldn’t. She wasn’t trans.
  • My wife knew something was up, her anger, frustration and dissatisfaction tried to tell her, but she wouldn’t listen until much later.
  • You’re going to be ok. But you must go all the way.

Ultimately you’re married to someone other than your heart’s desire because for some reason you think or thought your heart’s desire isn’t out there waiting for you. They are out there.

But your impatience had you compromise your dream. That’s what I did.

Or you believe you’re not worthy of having what you want. Mainly (likely) because others convinced you that what you want is wrong.

What you want is right.

What you get from marriage you can get outside it. If you really want to be married, marry your heart’s desire.

Do that and you’ll feed many birds with one scone. You’ll change the world. You’ll change. And you’ll change the world of a trans woman.

Just by being authentically you. Then you can be married…to a transgender woman.

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How to keep your heart from breaking

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Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

What is a broken heart? A broken heart is a mindset.

Society romanticizes broken hearts. Movies get made. Songs get sung. Getting hurt happens, right?

Not necessarily.

No one need ever experience a broken heart. Put your heart in the right place. It will never break again.

My recent relationship taught me that. 😂👍🏾❤️

· · ·

Lauren and I got acquainted when she contacted me online.

Mutual affection grew fast, as we had a lot in common. She’s trans. I’m Transamorous. We both shared art, love of music, philosophy, food and more.

But as intimacy grew, she got more nervous. The closer we got, the more uncomfortable she got.

I relish love. I relish love because I am love. Connected to my Inner Being, expressing unconditional love flows like breathing. So, naturally, I shared spontaneous appreciation for Lauren. I appreciated Lauren’s existence, her talent, and her strengths, especially strengths she developed as she’s accepted being trans.

For a while she appreciated all that.

Then it got too much for her.

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Relationships are nice-to-haves

I know if I’m patient, the Universe will show me everything I want. It will also show me reasons why I may not want what I have.

As my Broader Perspective connection strengthens, I desire human affection less. Connection to Broader Perspective showers me with an incredible, unconditional love. A love so deep and satisfying, relationships with other people get put in their proper place: as nice-to-haves, not as must haves.

There’s no forlornness when I’m not in a relationship because my Inner Being relationship dominates. It (my Inner Being) always floods me, its love so strong and overflowing and present, I never feel alone. I feel loved.

So I never feel yearning or that I’m missing out on love. My Broader Perspective’s unconditional love is enough. As it pores through me, I become that. Pure love.

So why seek relationships with people when I become that which people crave from relationships?

Good question.

Thoughts make reality

My perspectives on human relationships changed since discovering my Inner Being. I yearned for them before. I felt incomplete without one. But yearning creates problems. In yearning I sow seeds of loss. Here’s how that works

When I yearn for something, then get it, I fear I’m going to lose that for which I’ve yearned. Holding tight to what I’ve got for fear of losing it guarantees I will lose it. Holding something tight like that emphasizes its loss. Reality springs from thoughts.

Tightness in my body born of fear is reality. Physical sensations are real, right? So my thoughts about losing someone creates an incipient reality: a feeling. In this case “tightness”.

In that reality, my behavior reflects my fear. I say things consistent with fear. I interpret what I see from fear. I may even start checking out relationship options. I hedge my bets.

Meanwhile my partner knows what’s up. They may not know it in their awareness, yet they still know. That’s why a partner might check your phone or email. A hunch will push through into their awareness. There are no secrets. We’re all one.

Unchecked, my fear creates even more real, realities. This is called momentum. My partner may find my bet hedging, then get insecure. Before long tension grows. Fights happen. Mistrust grows. They might start bet-hedging. Then the breakup comes.

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Reality springs from Inner Reality. It starts with thoughts, which draw themselves to perceivers “tuned in” to those thought frequencies. The rest happens automatically so long as perceivers stay tuned in. So reality perpetuates, thus creating eternity.

Thoughts come from somewhere

Inner reality is real. Where do you think thoughts come from? Thought is a physical reality.

Thoughts drive perception. Perception is reality too. Perception then drives behaviors. Behaviors are reality. Behaviors influence others and their behavior. Others cooperate with me helping create my reality. They act consistent with my thoughts.

So behaviors always match Inner Reality. Since reality springs from behavior, and behavior springs from perception, and perception springs from thoughts and thoughts come from Inner Reality, then my Inner Reality must become one’s physical reality starting with my thoughts.

That’s how it works.

I know how to create realities I want. My emotions guide me. The better I feel, the more I know my becoming reality includes my fulfilled desires. That’s because positive thoughts must become positive realities.

Strong connection with my Inner Being short circuits yearning, fear and insecurity, replacing them with appreciation and love. My job: staying there as best I can. I don’t always. But doing that consistent enough creates realities consistent with appreciation and love.

So if a partner chooses something other than a relationship with me, I see the former relationship in its proper perspective: a nice-to-have. Not so significant that I create realities consistent with painful loss. Were I to do that, I would experience a broken heart. For a broken heart is a physical reality (an emotion) triggered by thoughts consistent with “broken heart realities”.

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Even when you’re alone, you’re not. Love literally surrounds and moves through and in and out of you. (Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash)

Love happens best when alone

Human love can’t match Inner Being unconditional love. Moreover, another person can’t match all that my Inner Being gives me in its love for me. It literally gives me everything I want in wonderful, surprising ways and in perfect timing. I write about these on my other blog Positively Focused.

Human relationships always come up short compared to that. That doesn’t make human relationships bad. They are what they are.

Love doesn’t come from another person. Love happens when, while with a person, I tune into thoughts that connect me with my Inner Being. It’s my Inner Being connection that triggers love. Not being in relationship. Which means, I can feel love outside relationship.

This puts relationships in a less triggering perspective. I conjure love at will. So if a relationship ends, it’s not the end of my love, or my world. And my heart breaks no more.

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You’ll find no more broken hearts when you re-discover your relationship with you.

So when Lauren called distraught and in crisis about our relationship, I took it in stride. Despite all we had in common, despite being with someone who loved her, she focused on things she thought we didn’t share. Real things for her. Perception is reality. Her perception saw broken hearts in our future. That scared her.

  • She said long distance relationships were something she didn’t do. Yet, she was doing one.
  • She said I put too many expectations on her. I put no expectations on her. I only wanted to love her.
  • She said me telling her I loved her filled her with anxiety. A strange connection I thought, feeling anxiety when someone loves you.
  • She said our relationship would fail.

I found it strange that the more I showered her with love the less she enjoyed us. I found it strange until she told me how people in her past said they loved her, but their behavior said otherwise. She doesn’t know that thoughts create reality. She doesn’t know other people act out what you’re thinking. They do that so your thoughts are “made real” for your examination. They’re made real so you can do something about them.

For me our relationship already succeeded and had no other choice but to succeed going forward. Where she saw “red flags”, I saw adventure and opportunity.

As I said, when one gets connected to one’s Inner Being, it will show that person why they may not want what they have. In her objections, Lauren showed me why Lauren may not be something I want. She wasn’t consistent with my “love vibration”. So she took herself out of my reality, leaving me free to love and be loved.

For me, relationship success looks like a relationship through which two parties are better off because of it. That means two find greater harmony with their Inner Beings by experiencing life with one another.

That’s what happened for me. And so where is the case for failure, or a broken heart?

It’s easy to never have a broken heart again. It starts with prioritizing the one relationship that will never end, the one relationship through which I get everything I want, no matter what that is, and then some. That’s the relationship between me and me.

Standing there, I never lose love. Or anything else. It’s all gain. And my heart remains whole.

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I Was That Guy. I Am That Guy Still.

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Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

I was that guy. I’m still that guy.

Confused. Well not confused, conflicted. That’s a better word. I was very clear about what I was thinking back then…but also conflicted.

Conflicted because I believed society (friends, family, strangers too) would shame me if it knew me. Conflicted because I wanted to be myself, but feared I’d lose my job if people knew.

I knew I was “not straight”.

That’s a terrible way to tell that story. Because it puts the “straight” story at center of everything. As if being “straight” is the same as “normal”.

It’s not.

A better way is to say I have a strong story (among many strong stories) about transgender women being highly attractive.

I felt this way for some time. I was exploring it when I was younger. Back then it felt dangerous. Men, you know what I mean.

I also felt self-shame about it. Back then, I was, like a lot of people, really worried about what others thought of me. I was afraid of being myself because being myself was not acceptable according to what I saw and read. Back then I didn’t know my life experience comes from my stories. I believed what others thought about me was important.

It’s not.

Nevertheless, my shame came from those beliefs. Those stories also shaped my life experience. A life experience in which I only had access to things -– people and events – that confirmed those stories.

The emotion I felt – the shame – was telling me something important. Back then, I didn’t know what that was.

Now I do.

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Although I never did it simultaneously with dating someone, I did do it in between partners. I saw these trans sex workers under cover of darkness. Or in my own home at night.

There’s one story about someone I want to share. I recently got reacquainted with it. This is going to be deep.

It has to do with dating what I thought at the time was a cis woman and how our experience together shaped the ensuing 20 years for both of us. That person may still be cis. I don’t know. I’ve never asked.

• • •

One evening long ago, a winter storm struck where I live. Three to four feet of snow blanketed everything. My best friend at the time and I went out in it. It was fun. After our time together, I headed to a local bar alone. I wanted a scotch to warm the cockles.

I sat at the bar. There was another person there. We made eye contact, then we ended up talking. I noticed some things about them that, reflecting on those moments now, indicated how my worries about being perceived by others, shaped how I behaved, what I said and what I was willing and not willing to do.

I’ve always been pretty honest. But I’m not 100 percent honest. Is anyone? Still, I care a lot about being direct as I can so people know where I’m at. But that requires being clear about where I’m at.

Back then I wasn’t very clear…I was conflicted.

This person and I saw each other a few times. I remember as clear as day my reactions to this person’s physical appearance and the shame I felt about potentially being seen with them and what “they” – people in the world – would think…ABOUT ME.

Intolerable shame-based scenarios played out in my mind.

So one day, I told this person I couldn’t continue seeing them. I told them why. But when I said what I said, I didn’t own what was going on with me. Instead of telling this person how I felt, instead of saying something like:

“I’m sorry, Jen (not their real name) I’m too wrapped up in believing how I think others think about me is more important than what I want. I enjoy being with you. But I’m afraid of what people might say about me when I’m out in public with you.”

Instead of saying something like that, owning my story as mine, I made my discomfort about Jen’s appearance. Ironically, their appearance was gender non-conforming. And that threatened my self-image. A self-image based on an unhealthy concern about what others thought about me.

SHAME blog
Photo by @plqml // felipe pelaquim on Unsplash

I made my story about Jen, in other words. Jen took that information not very well. I didn’t find out until some 20 years later.

Last week, I posted on Facebook a Mother Goose magazine article. It features me talking about The Transamorous Network and the work the network is doing. Jen saw this post, then sent me a direct message on Facebook:

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It’s been a long time.

I’ve come a long way in the ensuing decades.  I’ve learned a lot about myself.

• • •

I’m sharing this to show I was where many men reading this are right now. Maybe they’re struggling with shame and embarrassment over what they like, what they’re attracted to. That shame can drive a lot of behavior that spills into others’ lives.

Sometimes with long-lasting effect.

But here’s the thing about all this. And if you’re following my other blog and website, Positively Focused, this won’t be surprising.

Life experience is a massive co-creative endeavor. Our stories don’t only effect us. They effect everyone around us. That’s why in client sessions, I equate life experience to being a movie. We all create our life experience from what we think. Others in our lives reflect what we’re thinking back to us.

In that way, others are co-creative partners in our own movie making. Just as we are partners in theirs. I don’t expect anyone to agree with this. But life experience will show how accurate what I’m sharing is.

In my case, I know I met Jen as a waypoint on my path to where I am now. Jen’s appearance and my discomfort reflected stories I had at the time about being with a gender-nonconforming person. She represented both my desires and my negative beliefs playing out right in front of me.

And I know I played the same role for Jen. I presented Jen with stories and negative beliefs Jen had. In other words, we served each other. Whether Jen sees that, I don’t know. But Jen certainly sees the benefit our interaction has had on me and the network.

Which is why when Jen sent this part of their message:

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I resonated so wonderfully with it.

Jen is right.

• • •

I can say being where I am, and having been where I was, that the path you may be on, no matter how painful it feels, offers so many wonderful opportunities. Opportunities just waiting for you to pick and enjoy. Like delicious, ripe fruit.

Keep going and you may someday enjoy similar wonderful reconnections with people you think you hurt. People who feel you hurt them. And instead of feeling embarrassment and shame over your past acts, you may feel resonance and appreciation.

As I do.

I see the “delicious irony” of the co-creation.

These days I know everything in my life experience benefits not only me, but everyone with whom I connect.

We’re never alone. Everything is working out for me, you and everyone else. Even those who may claim were victimized by you. They weren’t victimized. They benefitted. It just may take a while before they realize that.

Hopefully not 20 years. But it doesn’t matter. We’re all eternal.

Your life is going perfectly. Take it from a guy just like you.

Or, find out for yourself by contacting us. We can show you.