Everything and everyone enjoys a oneness which, when telling positive stories, gets confirmed in delightful ways. Tuning ones self through positive storytelling practices, more such delights reveal themselves.
I like when this happens. It confirms what I know. The more it happens, the more confirmation I get. This blog celebrates such confirmations. Sharing what I know amplifies my awareness. It heightens my sensitivity. So I see more such experiences. More such experiences creates positive realities we talk about at The Transamorous Network.
Since I practice what we teach, my life includes many examples proving that statement. It includes so many examples, I find life joyful and I find me deserving. In that deservedness, I relax into grace. In that grace, life gets really good.
Because in grace, in that relaxing perspective, I see my desires fulfill themselves. I walk in perpetual bliss, knowing all works out in my eternity. Standing in that, evidence of my blessedness reveals itself to me near constantly.
One way that happens involves examples proving we all are one. They happen all the time in everyone’s life. But often, they get called coincidence. They show up and people feel them. But they pass them off, ignore them, or see them, but disregard the message. That’s why so many lives fall short of people’s expectations.
Virtuous upward spiral of great good
All That Is shows itself in billions of little things. Little happenings people ignore in their busy, nose-to-the-grindstone lives. But when someone stops and focuses on such little things, they begin something wonderful.
In giving attention to them, they exalt them for the joyful All That Is expression they represent. In that exaltation they open themselves to bigger things.
Before long, what they want starts showing up too. Fulfilled desires show themselves and their recipients understand their worthiness. That’s why recognizing these little things carries such weight.
In their acknowledgment sparks the virtuous spiral leading not only to self-fulfilling desires, but to joyful lives.
So every chance I get I exalt these little happenings for what they are: gracious, loving expressions created by All That Is just for me.
Two examples back to back
Two such happenings showed themselves in the same day recently. On Thursdays in summer, when days fill with warm temperatures, clear, blue skies and most people confine themselves in temperature-controlled offices, I ride my bike to the beach.
There I set up a shelter, blanket and chair. I take my computer, phone, creature comforts such as water and food and a good read with me. Typically I spend nearly all day there, marveling at my leisure life and earth’s abundant beauty.
One Thursday I invited a friend. She owns no bike so we agreed she’d meet me there. Knowing we’d need more water, I asked if she’d swing by my place and grab an extra bottle I left on the porch just before I started my bike journey. She said yes.
The ride to the beach I enjoy includes a 14 mile one-way trek. Sometimes I take potty breaks along the way. Especially if I’ve had a lot of water. So nothing unusual occurred to me when I pulled up to a port-a-potty in a park about a quarter of the way to the beach. I rested my bike on the port-a-potty’s back wall, went inside and did my business.
Me mugging for the camera in front of the port-a-potty I just used.
While exiting the John, I got an impulse. It said at that moment “text your housemates. Let them know why a bottle of water is on the porch.”
All That Is coordinates just for me
So I did so. I texted my housemates, told them about the bottle and got ready to continue my ride.
But one of my housemates texted back immediately. Here’s a screen shot of my text and what she wrote in reply. Then my acknowledgment of what happened.
A housemate and I communicating in synch with the Universe and me celebrating that oneness.
My housemate didn’t catch what I saw. Or maybe she ignored how significant the experience was. I didn’t ignore it, obviously. Instead, I reveled in it because I knew All That Is, my Inner Being and the Universe coordinated that exchange just for me.
I do love it when such things happen. Every time they do, I amplify the experience by acknowledging it, celebrating it and then replaying the experience over and over. That way, I prepare myself for future such experiences.
Which is exactly what happened later that day.
More blessedness evidence
I enjoyed my day with my friend at the beach. We talked about our spiritual practices and watched Osprey play in the sky. She got sunburned. I got to eat her fruit. She brought more than she could eat but we had plenty of water. 😊
My bike ride home left me happy and well-exercised. Summer days last well into the evening, so when I got home at around 9 p.m., the sun hung low in the sky. As it set and time to button up the house approached, I got the impulse to do something one of my housemates typically does.
Each evening we close up part of the house so we aren’t disturbed by people using that room. It requires closing the doors to that room.
My impulse said “go upstairs and close the doors.”
I typically, but not always, follow my impulses immediately and encourage my clients do the same as well. Doing that puts one in synch with the reason one gets an impulse. That way one rendezvous with manifestations coordinated on one’s behalf. The Universe blesses all of us all day, every day this way. That’s why tuning one’s self to hear impulses carries so much importance.
After all, if you can’t hear the impulse to act, how can you follow it?
A second awesome outcome
My room takes up half the basement space. I started walking through the other part of the basement and up the stairs when a message notification pinged on my phone. I checked the phone. Nick, another of my housemates sent a text. Here’s our exchange:
I didn’t text back my excitement at receiving Nick’s text. But I recognized the synchronicity. I received an impulse moments before he texted what he was unable to do. You can bet I was excited. Two times in the same day! Awesome!
If we let it in, we will see the universe constantly shows us how it loves us, has its gaze upon us and wants us to know that. It always communicates how blessed we are.
But if we don’t let it in, such evidence goes unnoticed. Or acknowledged as coincidence, something far less grand than what’s actually happening.
Telling positive stories tunes me in so I see these events as they are: beautiful evidence of my blessedness. More such events happen these days, showing me I’m riding that upward spiral to more and greater outcomes. Outcomes aligned with my fulfilling desire. Including meeting that romantic partner I’m becoming a match to.
I’m excited for more evidence that I’m at one with All That Is.
We love it when a transamorous man publicly declares his love of transgender women. That’s our goal at The Transamorous Network: inspiring more men along their trans-chaser-to-transamory journey to drop their shame and publicly own how amazing being transamorous is.
While many battled fear and insecurity around COVID-19 in the last 18 months, Corey decided sharing his love of transgender women felt right. So not only did the highly-certified technician do so, he did it grandly…on YouTube.
Having posted 10 months ago, Corey’s video racked up almost 100,000 views so far. And while almost 100,000 doesn’t make his video “viral”, as far as we’re concerned, that’s a healthy viewership for the trans/trans-attracted community.
Corey’s straightforwardness endears him to his viewers. He makes no bones about his attraction, even when acknowledging he may get negative responses.
“I don’t care what the general population things about me.” He says.
When I sifted through the video’s over 2,000 comments (in 10 months!), most seemed quite supportive. The video garnered over 16K thumbs up compared to a measly 158 thumbs down. An impressive ratio.
We want to amplify Corey’s message because it bears repeating.
No shame, just glory
Corey’s message: no shame exists in your trans-attraction. It’s natural and wholesome.
We’ll add: the only reason you feel shame about your trans-attraction owes itself to what you bring to it in your thoughts.
Shame tells trans-attracted men what they’re thinking about their natural attraction doesn’t line up with what they really know at the core of who they are. When a guy tells stories like “my friends will ridicule me”, or, “I’ll lose my job”, or, “Am I gay?” when feeling arousal over transgender women, of course they’ll feel shame.
They’ll also feel embarrassment, insecurity, fear, judgement…and many other emotions. All these emotions tell the thinker, what they’re thinking is bogus.
Our clients discover freedom from all these negative emotions once they start telling positive stories about their attractions. Such freedom not only makes finding wholesome, strong, lovely transgender women possible. It also turns every other aspect of life in better directions.
That’s why our clients report specific and general improvements in their lives. They also find more empowerment and happiness.
Listen how Corey’s confidence, honesty and certainty comes through along with the words he’s sharing. It’s the message we share too.
We’re eager to see more men like Corey come forward.
Online dating seems like the way everyone meets their match these days. But the best, most fun way to meet your match if you’re transgender or trans-attracted happens not through online dating. It happens when you focus on being happy. When you do that, that guy or gal will drop into your lap with no effort on your part.
It’s surprising how few people actually use online dating. It’s not as many as you think. And, according to general opinion, results people get from online dating, on average, show online dating performs about as well as meeting people through other methods.
In this post, we’re going explain why we don’t encourage finding romantic partners through online dating. Then we’ll explain how being happy works better. In fact, its success rate is 100 percent. Then we’ll explain why being happy enjoys such a perfect success rate.
When it comes to online dating, we’re not just giving our opinion. We’re sharing opinions from over 4,000 online daters. Pew Research interviewed these people then wrote a report called “The Virtues and Downsides of Online Dating.” Numbers shared in this post come from Pew’s survey data report.
Let’s get right to it.
The good news
It’s no surprise that online daters trend younger. What did surprise us is Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual (LGB) online dating usage exceeds other groups. LGB community members use online dating at much higher rates than any other population.
It’s fair to say then, that higher percentages of people dating online also are LGB. It’s also safe to say LGB folks (and we’ll include “T” folks too as well as Trans-attracted people) experience less desirable online dating results more often. That’s because more LGB people use online dating.
Full disclosure: at least one of our Transamorous Network clients finds online dating helpful. But two others traded online dating for the approach we recommend at the end of this post, and for good reasons.
Online dating gets hyped, which is why so many people use it to try to find a partner. (Photo by Pratik Gupta on Unsplash)
Over the years, more people, generally, turned to online dating. Increases in online dating probably reflect increased communication about online dating and the availability of it. An online dating platform exists for virtually any persuasion, interest, hobby or characteristic. That plus relatively inexpensive membership costs, make online dating quite alluring.
Add to that the fact that online dating is a for-profit business model with investors making money off your loneliness, you can bet investors will spend a lot of money getting you to subscribe. So seeing online dating opportunity everywhere should not surprise you.
Furthermore, people’s increasingly busy lives, their intense desire for finding a partner, especially young people, and perhaps people’s dissatisfaction finding partners in other ways, caused large jumps in online dating participation over the last decade or so.
Still, that doesn’t mean a lot of people date online. Pew says only 30 percent of Americans use online dating. Now, 30 percent of 300 million people is a lot. But relative to the whole, it’s not.
How do they fare?
Of that 30 percent, less than half (12 percent) reported they had a committed relationship or married someone they met online. That means 88 percent of people who use online dating don’t end up in committed relationships or marriage with someone they met online.
We mentioned above that a lot of Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual (LGB) people use online dating. Over half (55 percent) of LGB people try finding mates this way, with a large number of 18-29 year olds (48 percent) doing so as well. According to Pew, both groups report higher success finding partners. Twenty percent of both young people and LGB people say they married or had committed relationships with someone they met online.
But that still leaves 80 percentof both groups who did not.
So how successful online dating can be depends on many factors. But no matter the factors, we’d say an 80 percent failure rate is not a successful dating method.
Combined with problems online dating comes with, which we’ll share momentarily, one would think no one would go for the hype. Could it be online dating success gets way overblown? Or do other reasons compel people to online dating sites?
People use online dating for different reasons, many of which seem quite reasonable. (Photo by Victoria Heath on Unsplash)
People report reasonable causes for using online dating.
Many report online dating offers a wider pool of potential partners. Some say they can screen people ahead of time, thereby eliminating obvious not-matches. Others say it’s just easier. Many appreciate online dating’s perceived low costs. Online dating, others say, also offers like-minded people opportunities to meet.
The Pew report adds: “Relatively small shares [of people] argue that online dating has had a mostly positive effect because it is a more efficient way of meeting people, is a better alternative to more traditional ways of meeting, helps people who have trouble meeting others or is a safer way of meeting people.”
So online dating does seem to offer good usage cases. But let’s look at some downsides people report.
Online dating isn’t fun
Pew says “There is a stronger consensus among respondents who believe dating sites and apps have had a mostly negative effect.”
Various forms of dishonesty – ranging from people embellishing the truth to outright scams exist on these sites. Some respondents say online dating makes courtship more like an assembly line process. It takes romance and spontaneity out of dating and eliminates more meaningful and deeper connections. Minorities often report finding online dating more difficult than non-minorities.
Participants often say people don’t act like themselves online. No one is actually getting to really know each other, they say, and communication is flawed from the beginning. They also say “swipe mentality” and a constant influx of new “inventory” causes more superficial reactions to profiles rather than meaningful connection between people.
Online dating apps frequently leave people feeling frustrated and hopeless. Yet, people still use them. Go figure. (Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash)
Reports show people often swing way out of their league too. They go after people far more attractive, successful or otherwise beyond their “class” so to speak. This often leads to frustration and disappointment.
It’s no wonder then that wide margins of users report negative online dating experiences. Nearly half (45 percent) said online dating leaves them more frustrated than hopeful. Sixty percent of female users report receiving harassing behavior. Some even say online dating fosters superficial hook-up behavior over deeper, longer-lasting relationships. A few even say online dating isn’t safe.
So generally, while online dating success happens for a few, far more users experience many downsides, including failure and frustration dating online.
It’s just not fun wading through profiles day-in and day-out. Doing so leads to isolation, despondency and even anxiety for many. Success comes to very few.
Why it doesn’t work
Online dating fails an 80 percent of the time.
Would you drive a car that breaks down and can’t get you to work 80 percent of the time? Certainly you wouldn’t work someplace where 80 percent of the time you wouldn’t get paid, would you? Would you buy a plane ticket from an airline whose planes crashed 80 percent of the time? Would you date someone who lied to you 80 percent of the time?
Of course you would do none of these things. Yet so many people hope to find a match through a process that fails 80 of the time. Isn’t that interesting? A more interesting question: why does it fail so often?
The short answer: because online dating can’t overcome stories people tell themselves. Your stories create your reality. What that means: if you think, for example, that you can’t find a man who will love you for who you are, no online dating platform can bring you a man who will love you for who you are. Instead, you’ll get results like this person, every time:
A trans woman vigorously defending her limiting beliefs.
Let’s say you believe transgender women are attractive, sexy and someone you want to be with. But you also believe you might be gay because of your attraction. Or that your friends will humiliate you should they find our. Or you believe your religion says your attraction means you’ll go to hell. A dating site will will only match you with transgender women whose beliefs match yours. Meaning, you will meet transgender women who themselves harbor insecurities, fears, self loathing, unworthiness, and they will act from those feelings.
You see, it doesn’t matter what external tool you try using. That’s because your thoughts – about you, about your partner, about life in general – dominate. They create your experience.
Dating failure starts in the head
Think about it. Here I am in front of my computer. I worked all day at a job I don’t like. I come home, I’m tired. Because I’m tired, I don’t think about what or how I’m thinking. So my thoughts wander. I think about my empty apartment, how quiet it is. I decide I don’t like that. Then I remember that story my friend told me about how she met someone who turned out to be an asshole. I don’t like that either.
Men are scum, I say out loud. It’s my common refrain.
Then I think about how lonely I feel. At 35, time’s running out for me. My last relationship was three years ago. It ended ugly. So now, in this gaggle of disempowering thoughts/stories, I open Match.com or OKCupid and…
What do you think I’m a match to? A successful guy, a great communicator, someone who loves life, has a great job, a car, is happy, likes to have fun and is great in bed?
OF COURSE I’M NOT!
Why on earth would I expect a dating app to match me with that kind of person?
IT CAN’T!
Finding lasting love can and does happen. In every case it happens by becoming a match to it. Are you really a match to the person you’re looking for? Most aren’t, which is why they fail. (Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash)
And even if it did, should I try communicating with that person, my insecurity, loneliness and desperation would speak more loudly than any words on a computer screen! Or, that person will just pass up both my message and profile. He literally won’t see it because his stories draw to him matches to the confidence, happiness, fun and love he feels.
All anything in physical reality can do is respond to what you put out through your stories. Which means, if you want to meet your ideal match, you must become a match to that person.
How do you do that?
By changing how you think about life. By changing how you think about everything.
“Everything?” You say?
Yes, EVERYTHING!!!! 😂
Again, think about it
Think about that successful guy, a great communicator, someone who loves life, has a great job, a car, is happy, likes to have fun and is great in bed. It’s highly unlikely that guy is on an online dating app.
Do you get that?
He’s out having fun. He’s hanging with his homies. Working late because he loves his job, he doesn’t have time for dating apps. This guy’s confidence attracts whoever he wants. That success he enjoys does too.
Since he’s comfortable with who he is, confident in his life and happy, he doesn’t feel lonely. Nor does he feel he needs a relationship. A relationship might add to life, but HE DOESN’T NEED ONE.
That handsome, fun, successful guy isn’t using online dating. He’s out living large and loving life. (Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash)
You do though. And so you aren’t a match to this guy. Nor are you happy because you keep thinking about the relationship you don’t have, the one you badly want.
Same goes with a successful, happy, beautiful transgender woman, guys. If you pine for such a girl and open your computer to find one, she’s not going to be there because she doesn’t need it to find her match. Chances are, she’s not looking for a match anyway. Her life is full and she’s happy.
Transgender women and trans-attracted men must find a better approach. One that works 100 percent of the time. That approach starts with an internal examination.
The better approach
Yes, the better approach works 100 percent of the time. Here’s why. Read carefully, because this will trip you out.
There’s only one reason, the only, ultimate reason, people want a partner. People think it’s because they want children. Some think they want one for the company. Others say because they don’t want to be lonely. Some just want sex. Some believe it will make them “complete”.
But underneath all these superficial reasons (yes, they’re all superficial compared to the ultimate reason) lurks the one reason everyone wants a partner: because in having one, they feel better than they do without one.
That’s it? Yep. That’s it.
Being in love feels better than not. Being in a relationship, even in a not-so-good one, many will say, feels better than being alone. Having children, for some, feels great. Sex…well, you know.
The point is, relationship pursuit, at its core, happens because people everywhere look to relationships because they believe relationships make them happy.
The better approach, the one that works 100 percent of the time, is this: First, be happy. Cultivate a chronic, lasting happiness that’s unconditional. Do that and you don’t need a partner because…well…you’re already happy!
And here’s the sneaky part of the better approach, the thing you’re looking for: just like the ideal guy and the ideal trans woman described above, in being happy, you don’t need a relationship. And, paradoxically, when you don’t need one, the one you want shows up. Without you doing anything to get it.
It gives you everything you want
The thing is, everyone can easily beat bad results 80-90 percent of people get through online dating. We’re going to tell you how that approach works, but first we’re going to tell you why it’s the better approach.
Not only does it do all the work, not only does it work 100 percent of the time, it’s more fun. The better approach happens in your real life, not in a computer. Your life transforms before your eyes and as it does, you find life getting more and more interesting and enjoyable.
The approach that works 100 percent of the time starts with you. (Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash)
Frustration doesn’t exist either. In time, happiness becomes your standard state. Frustration, anxiety, fear and insecurity disappear. In their absence, life flows easily towards your ideals.
People can’t scam or use you. They can’t because they can’t find you. Just like the happy guy described above isn’t a match to you when you’re cranky and alone, scammers and users can’t scam and use you if you’re not a match to their plans, can they?
With the better approach, you only meet your matches. Your pool of available matches increases infinitely using this approach…but.
You only need one guy or girl. Think about it. Unless you’re poly, do you really need a huge-ass candidate pool? Of course not. You’re looking for that one partner. The great thing about the better approach is there are many “one partners” and they’re the only ones you meet when using this approach.
Also, you’re already happy using the better approach! Relationships then become nice-to-haves. Not must haves.
And, when you do meet your match(es), it happens in fun and surprising ways. The better approach brings back the spice, the romance, the excitement that once existed in dating. Who doesn’t like being surprised?
Meanwhile the rest of your life gets better too. Literally everything you want comes to you the more you use this approach. Can online dating make that claim?
How it works
It seems like the approach would be complicated. It’s not. We show our clients how to use it and they get all the results stated above. That one client we said who still uses online dating? She’s learning how to use our approach while dating online. And while to us, that’s suboptimal, she’s having fun meeting all kinds of people.
But we think she’ll drop online dating once she really understands how the approach works.
You will too.
The approach works simply. Every experience you find yourself in, happens because you draw it to you. You’re like a magnet. Experiences act like metal. Which experiences you experience depends on what “magnetic attraction” you put out.
The approach described here happens all day every day for everyone, no exceptions. Any one can easily confirm it happening in their lives. One need only know how to see the signs.
Once a person activates their “magnetism” the way that attracts what they want, those things just come. If your “magnetism” is off, that what you get. Off stuff.
Your can’t control what comes after things start coming. The only control a person has is what kind of “magnetism” they put out. How does a person control what “magnetism” they put out?
Through thoughts they think.
We lied, it’s not simple
While it’s fun knowing specific details how thoughts determine that “magnetism”, you don’t need to know those details to leverage the approach. And it will still work 100 percent of the time.
All you need to do is examine what you’re thinking about everything you think about and gradually change all those thoughts to positive ones. Again, this process works 100 percent of the time. The cool thing is, the results show up at once. Waiting around isn’t necessary. You don’t need to wade through any profiles or even go on dates!
Feeling better is what everyone wants. It’s the reason everyone wants what they want. Including relationships. Get happy and watch how what you want comes easily.
In no time you’ll find yourself happy. “Happy” means you’re putting out the right “magnetism”. The key then is holding yourself in “happy” long enough to create a momentum or chronic happy state.
On the way to cultivating that state everything we wrote about in the “it gives you everything you want” section above happens.
Now think about that: standing in all that goodness coming your way and seeing it happen, aren’t you happy? You are. And in that happiness, do you really need a relationship? Not really. You may still want one and that’s fine.
100 percent success rate
The great news is, you’ve freed yourself from desperation, frustration, anxiety and every other feeling borne of negative thoughts. Thoughts that block you getting what you want.
In that freedom the relationship you want will come. One hundred percent guaranteed.
At The Transamorous Network we show people how this approach works. Those working with us get everything they want. But it doesn’t stop there. They discover how much fun life is, then they keep working with us because it’s super fun being around happy people who themselves enjoy life so much.
Online dating looks and feels convenient and easy. But with an 80 percent failure rate, we think that ease and convenience is not worth the cost. The best, most fun way to meet your match, if you’re transgender or trans-attracted, happens not through online dating.
It happens when you focus on being happy. When you do that, that guy or gal will drop into your lap with no effort on your part. Want to ask a question or give it a try? We’d love to hear from you.
Don’t be part of the 80 – 90 percent of people failing online. Find your happiness. Then, discover how easy it is being happy, and finding your true love.
Last week, I shared why loving someone who misgenders you creates the best outcomes. In that post, I shared one Transamorous Network client’s story about what happened when her mother misgendered her.
I wrote the post you’re reading after our followup session the next week. What she shared in that session will astound you. It’s astounding for three reasons:
It shows how fast my client is improving
How quickly the Universe shows her opportunities to improve and
How beneficial what my client learned can be for other transpeople.
First, some background
My client asked in a previous session why her parents kept misgendering her. I told her it’s because she reacts negatively every time it happens. I explain this more in last week’s post.
Then my client described a social event where her mom and step dad both called her by her dead name and used male pronouns. This happened in front of everyone. Of course, my client felt embarrassed. What other people think about my client means a lot to her. So when she’s put “on blast” she doesn’t like it.
I showed her how to create future experiences wherein neither her mom, nor anyone else, misgenders her. She understood the instructions and said she’d follow them.
But at our next session, she said he did not follow my advice. Then she told me what happened. She and her mom talked on the phone. Instead of doing what I suggested, she did exactly the opposite. That sparked a HUGE fight on the phone between my client, her mom and step dad.
My client regrets saying what she said during that call. Her mom regrets what she said. My client and her mom hadn’t talked since.
Fights of all kinds can be transformational moments. But isn’t it great when you don’t need fights to enjoy transformational moments? (Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash)
What happened next
A few days later, My client got an impulse to call her mom, but she didn’t. The next day her mom called her instead. They had a great conversation, as though the fight never happened. In that chat, my client’s mom invited her out shopping, which they both enjoyed.
Then, while at a separate function by herself, my client met a transgender woman. She was “early in her transition”, according to my client. Now, remember, this happened a few days after my client had a big fight with her mom.
An acquaintance introduced my client to this other trans woman. After introductions, they chatted a bit. Then, when talking with someone else nearby, my client, referring to the other trans woman, misgendered her!
The other transgender woman heard my client and corrected her. My client profusely apologized.
“I hate it when people do that and here I am doing it,” She nervously laughed.
My client told me in session how bad she felt. She got how this experience mirrored her own experience with her mother.
“Here I was doing exactly what my mom did to me to another transgender woman!” she admitted.
Life always reflects back to you what’s happening in you. You created it so you can do something about what’s happening in you. That’s why stories are so powerful. Through them you create reality. (Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash)
It got worse – then much better
Moments after, my client misgendered this transgender woman…again. My client felt shame and humiliation. That’s when she understood.
“I had no malice at all towards this person,” She said. “It was me not being aware. I understand now how my mother had no malice either. This experience showed me how easy it is [to misgender someone], and it doesn’t always happen because people are mean. Sometimes it just happens.”
That insight helped my client let her mother off the hook, which is exactly what I suggested she needed to do!
My client also realized her experience happened on purpose. The universe, she said, gave her this experience to get how easy misgendering can happen and to help her forgive her mom.
“Now I won’t be so quick to get so mad when someone does it. The Universe really helped me understand these kinds of situations.”
As a person tells positive stories more often, the Universe is in on the increase. It constantly sends life-lessons so experience shows what we’re learning.
Life: It’s no joke until it is
Some will say my client’s experiences all represent coincidences. But consider her stories at the time. Here she was making her mom really wrong, blaming her, judging her, thinking she’s being unloving, when instead her mother might be misgendering her daughter for totally different reasons.
My client got that, through her own experience misgendering a transgender woman. She stood in her mother’s shoes. And through all that, she found more love for her mom.
There’s a saying. It goes: you can’t make this up. In only a few days my client got how the Universe and her stories work together. Together they make the reality my client experiences. The more she turns her attention towards positive stories, the less life-sessions she’ll experience.
Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy.
Dear The Transamorous Network,
I’ve been on the site and after I put a reply to the topic of being trans attracted while being married, I looked at some earlier exchanges, most notably from two cisgender women who are wives of men who are trans attracted. Their responses were striking. It made me question my place in this community because I do not share some of the sentiments. Yes, I do have the shared attraction to trans women, however I am not in a situation where my wife doesn’t fulfill my needs. Nor do I compare my wife to trans women. My attraction to trans women is just that, an attraction. I’ve noticed this about myself, however I have no desire to act on it. I also have an attraction to Asian women and have for years, however again, I have no desire to act on that either nor do I compare my wife to Asian women. I do not judge the men who feel differently and I do not consider myself any better than them, but I am beginning to question as to if this is the right community because my opinion on this matter may not be received well. I feel that some may jump to the conclusion that I may be in some moral high ground based in religion, however that couldn’t be farther from the truth because I am an Atheist and proud to be. My opinion about this topic is MY opinion and I wouldn’t want anyone to perceive that everyone should feel the same way. It’s just that I’ve been on the receiving end of comparison by someone that I’ve trust my heart to and it only adds to the self-hatred. So I totally empathize with [The women] from [the comments section] and I feel bad that they are going through what they are describing. Anyway, thanks for listening.
Austin
Dear Austin,
Thanks for your letter/email. Yes, the responses from cis women who discovered their husbands were/are trans attracted are striking. No doubt about that. That said, their comments have nothing to do with or have anything to say about whether or not you have a “place” in the “community” that is The Transamorous Network.
Just because there are divergent opinions doesn’t mean one opinion is better than the other. Nor does it mean that one opinion gets to say whether or not another opinion belongs. You have contributed greatly to the conversation and I would encourage you to continue to do so.
Who cares if somebody jumps to the conclusion that you have some sort of moral high ground? Isn’t that their story? That has nothing to do with whether you actually do or not. Or whether you believe you do or not.
What people are going through is what they’re going through. The women complaining about their husbands likely have a lot more happening than their men being trans-attracted.
What they’re going through is a result of the stories they are telling themselves. Period. There’s no doubt in my mind that both woman knew what they were getting into at some level. It may not have been conscious of it, but they knew. That’s because everyone is a match to whoever they’re meeting. If this weren’t accurate, then what I share with clients would not work.
But what I show my clients does work, 100 percent of the time. So it must be accurate that wives of trans-attracted men, at some level, knew about their husband’s trans attraction.
The fact that they are blaming their husbands just shows how much they continue concealing what they knew from themselves.
Stick around. Or not. Either way do it from an empowered place, not from feeling you must leave because others aren’t happy with what you share.
