We assert here at The Transamorous Network that the world always improves for trans people. And, the more a person focuses on improvement, the more improvement they will see. This applies to everything. Including finding love. If a transgender woman or a trans-attracted guy believes there are no eligible people out there, it’s going to be very difficult for them to find a partner.
But when they start looking at all the positive signs supporting their desire, finding a partner gets easier. Then it gets fun. Then the person ends up in a relationship!
This post, however, isn’t about relationships. It’s about the world getting better for transgender people.
As far-right pundits and their followers rage against trans people, just as many people are doing things to support trans people. Far more people actually advocate for trans people than those opposing them. Consider the large number of parents supporting their kids, for example. Think of all those kids supporting each other on social media. And nonprofit organizations offering support in all kinds of ways. Then there, of course, are trans-attracted men doing their part.
But the most recent support comes in the form of news from the movie industry. Hat tip, btw, to Mathea Magdalena for posting this in her Facebook feed.
The news broke back in December. We write our blog posts five weeks in advance. So while the news may be old, its impact on trans people is not. And it’s still worth celebrating. So let’s get to it!
Another movie star takes action
Late last year, Cate Blanchett announced a partnership with USC and her film production company co-founder to annually award $50,000 short-film awards to eight trans, nonbinary and female film makers. The program, called the Proof of Concept Accelerator Program began awarding in January.
According to LGBTQ Nation the actor launched the partnership after a “disappointing” movie set experience. She explained how the industry professed embracing diversity. Yet, when she arrived on set, not only was she the only woman in front of the camera, she said she was the only woman on set.
The announcement in LGBTQ Nation
Apparently this is often the case in movies. And while other actresses are making dents in that area, most notably actress/film makers such as Olivia Wilde, Reese Witherspoon, Issa Rae, Shonda Rimes and many, many more, men and their attitudes still dominate the industry. This is well known, but not often publicly talked about.
USC’s Annenberg Inclusion Initiative, a partner in the accelerator, recently made a notable discovery. Although it’s not earth shattering. According to their annual report, women comprised only six percent of directors across 1,600 top-grossing movies from 2007 to 2022. Meanwhile less than a third of all speaking roles in those films were girls, women, trans, or nonbinary characters.
In other words, Cate’s idea is sorely needed. Especially for trans actors and actresses and film makers.
The world we see is the one we create through our thoughts and beliefs. Transgender and trans-attracted people can vastly improve their lives by looking for and appreciating things going right in the world.
Life is getting better
We’ve always said life is improving for trans people. Our friend Mathea is in the film industry. She’s excited about what Cate is doing. I am too. It’s just one more piece of evidence showing how great life is getting for transgender people.
Again, the more we look at things going right in the world, especially for the transgender community, the more things will go right in the world for us as individuals. And as our lives get better, we sow seeds that inspire others to improve their lives.
It’s always good to help another person improve their life. But if that person keeps telling stories about how sucky their life or the world is, improvement will be slow in coming for them. If it comes at all.
That’s why learning to look at life in a positive way can benefit. All my clients are seeing those benefits happen in their lives.
TLDR: The author shares the revelation that conservatives who publicly oppose trans rights secretly search for transgender content. They suggest telling more compassionate stories about conservatives to effect change, emphasizing the power of emotions and personal influence. The hypocrisy of conservative transphobes fuels momentum for the future inclusion of trans individuals.
When I shared what you’re about to read with my trans women friends, I was shocked. Not because what I shared was shocking. Although it was shocking. At least to me.
But what also shocked me was my trans women friends’ reaction. Or rather, their lack of reaction. They thought it old news. Old news! In other words, they already knew what I shared.
And, to be honest, what I found wasn’t news to me either. What was news was the trove of data supporting the fact.
I’m so glad I found the supporting data though. The data support anecdotal instances that have peppered the news…for as long as humanity has been around.
So what is the news/old news? It’s that conservatives are hypocrites. Especially when it comes to sex. Especially when it comes to trans people. That hypocrisy creates a lot of unnecessary nail-biting and hand wringing. It also creates a lot of wasted time and expense. Not to mention anxiety and self-loathing among those I love.
After all, unless one is positively focused, loving oneself is really hard in today’s society. Especially when swaths of the population hate what you are.
So let’s look at data validating the hypocrisy. The hypocrisy conservatives exhibit. Then, let’s look at this evidence through a different lens. One that can empower trans women rather than disempower them.
Conservatives are trans-attracted
The supporting data comes from Lawsuit.org. Interestingly, a trans-attracted guy gave me the links. He’s becoming an outspoken trans advocate. Kind of like me. He reached out after deciding to write a book. A book inspired by what he’s read here at The Transamorous Network. (See? We’re positively benefitting the trans community! More on that in another post!).
After a wonderful hour-long conversation, Brian shared the link. The conversation enriched us both. But the link offered me pure gold.
Brian’s lovely message to me via The Transamorous Network.
It linked to a Lawsuit.org article. The article claimed conservatives are “obsessed” with searching for transgender porn online.
It starts by talking about what we all know. In 2022 Republicans mounted a huge legislative effort negating trans lives. I’m not going to rehash all those details. They’re well known. What isn’t so well known is a lot of data supports the unseemly double-standard Republicans hold when it comes to trans people: they secretly love what they publicly hate.
According to the article, Republicans are trans-attracted. I would say they’re trans-obsessed. The data sure support that. Let’s take a look.
Conservative trans-obsession mapped and analyzed
According to Lawsuit.org’s research, of the almost 5 million trans and trans-adjacent porn Google searches each month, the majority of them happen in red states. The red state with the highest concentration of trans porn searches?
Texas.
Search terms for the list ranking include only: “shemale”, “tranny”, “femboy”, and “ladyboy”
Lawsuit.org didn’t just look at map visualizations. They wanted to be for sure about correlations they saw in the data. So they used good ol’ statistical analysis to drive home the point. What they found was…well…confirming:
While the maps and rankings might make it seem obvious that there’s a correlation between conservatism and searching for transgender porn, but by plotting linear regression trend lines, we can better understand the strength of the correlation. In these views, we look at search volume for three different keyword groups vs metro area political leaning. Each dot represents a metro area. Dots are colored their ratio of Democratic vs. Republican votes in the 2020 presidential election. The higher the value (more red), the higher the percentage of that metro area voted for Donald Trump.
Lawsuit.org
How to use this information
As I said earlier, all my trans friends, including Muriel, my gf, know this intuitively. But it’s good to see it literally mapped out for us. So what can we take from this? Can we, and by “we” I mean the trans community, which includes trans-attracted and transamorous men, benefit from this information in some way?
The answer: yes.
Probably not in the way you’re thinking though. So I’ll spell it out.
As we say here all day, every day, we all create our reality. No one else does it. That means we each enjoy tremendous creative potential. We create our realities through stories we tell about reality. And, because we are free to tell any story we want, we can create any reality we want.
So here’s how we can best use this information: we can use it to tell better stories about people who call us evil. And when we do that, eventually, those people will change. How that change happens doesn’t matter. The how is not our business anyway. But the change will come. If we hold to better-feeling stories of, for example, conservatives wanting to do away with us.
Erasure is pain manifest
The best stories about such people, the most empowering stories, the ones most aligned to what we want have us feeling compassion and understanding for conservatives. Not hatred and anger. Hatred- and anger-generating stories are the least empowering, the worse stories we can tell. From the standpoint of wanting improved futures, stories creating hatred and anger in us miss the mark.
If we want conservatives to change, we must literally be the change we want to see. That means telling better-feeling stories. That, in my opinion, begins with understanding what conservatives are going through. What is it that has them so upset about us?
The goal of the stories we create is, again, to engender in us compassion and understanding. Those two emotions tell us the new, improved stories are working.
So what stories can we tell? How about these:
Conservatives live in fear
They must arm themselves because of the fear they feel.
They’ve learned from their leaders that the world is scary and non-conservatives are out to get them. That has them feeling vulnerable.
Conservatives can’t accept their own humanity. Including what they naturally desire. So they attack others who are doing and having and enjoying what they can’t allow themselves to do, have and enjoy.
Conservatives are suffering. And they don’t even know it.
It’s not about you, or us
In the end, their struggle to bring back a world that can never again be has nothing to do with you. Or us. While they may see limited success in the short term, in the long term, their plans will fail. Their plans can’t succeed because those plans rest on shaky foundations. Foundations of hypocrisy and pain.
What’s more, the trans experience is expansion. It is in accord with All That Is. Nothing can prevent it. Nothing can stop it. In fact, we could tell the following story. A story that is 100 percent accurate:
Conservative anger and hatred focused on trans people only adds momentum to the trans experience becoming more. Because the more a person resists something, the bigger that thing gets. And a group of people resisting amplifies that momentum even further.
Some trans people might say “well, you don’t live in Texas, Florida or any of the other red states enacting anti-trans legislation. Easy for you to say.”
My response: That’s right. I don’t live there. I don’t have to live there to influence what happens there though. But here’s the even better news: those trans people living there have even more leverage to influence what’s happening in states like Texas and Florida. But if they’re feeling fear, insecurity and anger, they’re not leveraging the power they possess.
We are powerful beings
As individuals, we are unlimited in our abilities. But that power comes not from our action. It comes, rather, from who we’re being. Our emotions help us know moment-by-moment who we’re being. And when we’re feeling empowered, joyful, and in appreciation we are at our best.
At our best, we can have tremendous influence. Influence not needing a lick of action on our part. Or help from others. But unless you have proven this to yourself, it’s hard to believe it.
The hypocrisy of conservative transphobes offers the trans community a lovely gift. It is the gift of momentum. The fuel that stokes the flames making those flames glow even brighter. The flames of individual trans and trans-attracted hearts and minds. Brian knows this. I know this too. The future includes trans people. Conservatives can’t stop it.
And in their efforts to try, they make that future more and more a fait accompli.
Synopsis: “Madge,” a transgender woman, discovers through meditation her deep-seated anger stemming from fears about her safety. Although she lives in trans-friendly Portland and has faced no violence, her fears have hardened into resistance, which complicates her relationships. By recognizing her internal barriers, Madge takes the first step to dismantling her anger and enhancing her future relationships.
A transgender client this week spoke for many trans women we know who struggle with love. And with life.
It’s not that her life is bad. Or that she’s failing at love. She’s doing well at both. In fact, this client’s realization came at a high point in her sessions. But the revelation was sobering for her. I’m sure it will be for many reading the following account of what happened.
It really is an amazing testament of what clients get from this practice.
Let’s dive in.
The hard shell of false self protection
This client, “Madge” is an advanced practitioner. As a result, she’s starting to explore more esoteric aspects of the practice. That exploration begins with meditation.
Our specific meditation method is powerful. Which is why Madge had what happen, happen. In fact, what happened, happened in her first meditation session. That’s how effective our meditation practice is!
The meditation lasted only five minutes. Half-way through, Madge revealed something she never revealed before.
“I’m so angry all the time,” she said. “I’m sick and tired of being angry all the time.” As she said this, tears streamed down her face.
Now, tears are a good thing. Despite some people demeaning the act, crying indicates a great release of resistance. That’s why, after a good cry, people feel better!
Resistance is a major impediment to getting what we want. Particularly in love. We create resistance when we tell stories contrary to our desires. That resistance makes getting what we want hard or impossible.
Madge’s anger is an act of self protection. But it’s also a sign of resistance. Her anger emanates from her and everyone can feel it. Especially Madge. That keeps everyone at a comfortable distance from her. Including men who might otherwise be interested in her.
Her intense, smoldering anger also explains why Madge takes “mood stabilizers.” That hard shell of protection emanating as anger also triggers a lot of anxiety. Anxiety telling her that protection is unnecessary.
Your emotions matter
Certain emotions tell us how much resistance exists within us. Anger indicates very strong resistance. After five minutes were up, Madge and I talked about why she was angry. The conversation was quite revelatory.
“I’m always holding a guard up,” She explained. “I believe I need to because if I don’t, I feel I’m at risk of being attacked.”
Madge believes that, because she’s trans, she’s at greater physical risk. Now, many transgender people will agree with this belief. And while statistics show a correlation between being trans and increased risk of violence, those statistics break down when it comes to individuals.
In other words, whether a transgender person, or anyone for that matter, experiences violence depends 100 percent on that person’s stories. Not stats. And many stories transgender women tell about anti-trans violence are out of touch with what’s actually happening in their lives.
Everyone is in touch with their emotions though. And Madge’s anger was telling her that her stories were creating experiences Madge would not like. Including her being alone.
Her beliefs are also a major factor as to why she’s chronically anxious. Anger and anxiety are both strong emotions. For Madge, most of this occurs at very subtle levels. Mostly because she’s let these beliefs fester for so long.
That the meditative practice surfaced them was a great thing. So we explored it further.
Confronting what’s actually happening
Madge lives in Portland, Oregon. The city is well-known as a haven for trans people. I was shocked Madge believed she was at risk here. So I poked at that belief:
“How long have you lived in Portland as a trans person?” I asked.
“Over seven years,” She said.
“And in those seven years, how many times have you experienced physical violence?” I asked.
Madge had to think about it. I already knew the answer.
“I have never experienced violence,” Madge said thoughtfully.
“OK, and how many times can you remember receiving verbal insults related to your trans-ness in those ten years?” I asked.
“None,” She said.
By now Madge was seeing obvious discrepancies between her fears and her actual life. This was very important, of course. That’s because Madge really wants to be in a relationship. And all the men she’s meeting reflect her fears and worries: They are on the DL. They haven’t fully embraced that trans women are ok to be attracted to. In other words, they feel risk, just like Madge does. No wonder such men show up in her life. She’s a match to them!
Serendipity: the best dating method
I assert many times in this blog that the best way to meet your match is through every day activities out in life. Not online dating. But if a person is afraid of the outside world, I can see how they’d resort to that sucky online experience.
Madge is afraid of the outside world. That fear emanates from her. It blinds her too. It prevents her from seeing guys checking her out. She also can’t tell when a guy compliments her about her appearance. When they do, she ignores it. Or tells the most disempowering story about it. Other times, when she notices a guy staring at her, she nearly always interprets his stare as threatening. When instead, the stare could indicate romantic interest.
Madge and I talked about this in the past.
So if you’re afraid of the world around you, it’s impossible for the Universe to match you with your ideal partner. Your stories create your experience. You also can’t enjoy the fun of such an in-real-life rendezvous! Like this. The Universe is sending matches your way, but if you’ve got that hard shell of protection erected, you’re not going to even notice them.
Its all good tho
The good news is, this situation is reversible. Meanwhile, the Universe will never tire of bringing you ideal matches. That’s something to celebrate. Many people worry that the pool of eligible partners is too small.
Poppycock!
There are an unlimited number of people looking to be with you. Just because you don’t see them, doesn’t mean they’re not there!
The good news for Madge is, she now realizes something that’s been blocking her for a long time. Now she can start dismantling it. And in doing so she can let in the men she wants to meet. She’s already made progress. The men she meets are improving. Meanwhile, there’s a lot more progress ahead.
Maybe you’re struggling to meet your match. Let’s figure that out. It 100 percent has to do with stories you’re telling. Thankfully, telling positive stories and weeding out disempowering ones is my speciality. So let’s talk.
I suppose most people think being scammed is a bad thing. But a scammer taking advantage of you tells you something really good.
No, it doesn’t tell you you’re stupid. Or that you should be more aware…although you probably should. What it is telling you is that there is something happening inside you that makes you a match to that experience.
Yes, the scam “victim” draws that experience into their life. Being scammed isn’t a random event. No event is. Instead, it’s a reflection of an inner state, a vibrational state. As with every event, getting scammed vibrationally matches a similar inner state, so it shows up in the scammed person’s experience as manifested reality.
This is what happened with a client recently, although she caught it early enough to avoid being scammed. Just like I did before.
I wrote about what most people would say was the positive side of this experience last week on my other blog. But this week I’m going to share another positive side. A side most would probably think was “negative”.
But it’s not. It’s very, very positive. And it’s something that could improve every trans woman’s and trans-attracted man’s experience in finding love.
Desperation: a great money maker
As I wrote last week, this client finds herself attached to a certain guy. This guy waffles in his affection for her. The client knows she deserves better. But because of beliefs causing her attachment, she can’t pull herself away from the guy. I mean, she could, but she feels compelled not to.
As a result, she wants him to change. But he won’t change. That’s because her focus remains on his waffling behavior. She doesn’t like that behavior. But because she fixates on it, it persists.
Not only that. It’s getting stronger.
And as it does, her desire for it to change gets stronger too. So the two amplify each other. That amplification leaves my client feeling desperate. And desperation is what the vibration feels like that makes one a match to scammers.
Especially scammers who use the potential of finding love as their leverage.
No where are people more desperate than in their pursuit of love. That’s especially true in the trans community, which includes trans-attracted people. Folks are willing to spend thousands to get it. They’re willing to kiss a lot of frogs too!
Meanwhile, the endearing, unconditional love people seek in the world around them exists right there inside them. It’s the connection between them and their Broader Perspective. And when a person connects to that, love from another human pales in comparison.
The irony is, when a person has this inner relationship front-and-center, human relationships get better. And love one wants from another human gets better too.
Conditional love or unconditional love?
The client in question doesn’t have this Broader Perspective relationship front-and-center though. Instead, she’s allowed her relationship with Mr. Waffle to displace that relationship. And this is why she feels desperate. Because love from another human always comes with conditions. Broader Perspective love, however, is unconditional.
Displace that unconditional love with conditional love and the immediate feeling is insecurity. Keep it there long enough and insecurity turns to worry, concern, fear, jealousy and even hatred. These emotions happen when that unconditional love another human brings to the table bears out as unconditional: when they get mad at us for not meeting their expectations. Or for doing something they don’t like.
Our Broader Perspective has no conditions we can’t meet. It doesn’t get mad at us. We don’t irritate it. It just loves us, period.
A person trying to rely on conditional love can develop feelings of desperation when everything they try fails to coax their partner into behaving the way they want. That’s what was happening with this client. And that’s why she was feeling desperation.
Finding her way
So last week when those four new perfectly-matched dating options showed up, the client was overjoyed, at first. As she explored one of them more deeply, however, he turned out to be a scammer. A scammer preying on people desperate for love.
This revelation had the client feeling angry, then sad. But what was happening wasn’t sad. It didn’t have to be anger-inducing either. That’s because the experience showed my client exactly where she was vibrationally. And if she didn’t know where she was vibrationally standing, she couldn’t do anything about it.
Thankfully, the client’s Broader Perspective got her attention well enough to trigger skepticism about this person. She looked into it a bit more, then discovered the plot.
She’s still struggling though. She hasn’t yet found her way through disempowering stories on various subjects. Stories that have her feeling vibrationally low. And creating circumstances, events…and men, projecting that low vibration back to her.
And yet, improvement is on the horizon. So long as one persists in their focus, their desire to improve their vibration, that will happen. Then the world must reflect that improved vibration back to her in the form an improving life experience.
In the meantime, this client already has created enough evidence on other subjects proving telling positive stories works. So she’s going to persist. Which means she’s eventually going to get everything she desires. Including a satisfying relationship.
I so love when the universe helps clients realize they can trust it, instead of “doing”. That’s what happened this week with a client seeking love.
If you’ve read some posts here before, you know I encourage readers avoid online dating. It’s costly. It rarely succeeds. And it’s not very fun. Especially for trans or trans-attracted people.
Recently, a client came to her own understanding of this. She realized, unconsciously, as most clients do, that the Universe is a wish-granting jewel. It constantly fulfills every desire.
Just because it does that, though, doesn’t mean we receive every desire fulfilled. To receive, we must be tuned in. We must be on the same frequency of the fulfilled desire. That means, of course, following Broader Perspective impulses. If we do that, we end up at the perfect place and time to real-ize fulfilled desire.
However, most of us don’t know how to hear impulses. So we move through life haphazardly. Doing that, we learn to rely on “doing”. Especially when looking for that perfect trans woman. Or that guy who will accept us for who we are. We try making things happen, instead of allowing them to happen for us.
That’s what lead to my client’s epiphany.
Attachment breeds unconsciousness
My client currently is in love. Rather, she thinks she is. Actually, she’s in very strong attachment. Strong attachment over this guy she thinks is “The One”. The problem is, no person is that. The only “The One” in our lives is us. In other words, we each are our own “The One”.
Most of us don’t realize this though. That’s because human society talks us out of our inner knowing. We then forget we are eternal. We forget we are eternally loved and that no love can compare to that. Especially conditional love of another human.
This client finds herself thus. She’s struggling, therefore. She’s struggling because she’s experiencing things about this guy she doesn’t like. Every time they spend time together and get close, for example, he freaks out. Intimacy frightens him. So he’ll waffle. One day he’s all Lovey-dovey. The next day, he “needs space.”
This pattern may sound familiar.
The problem for my client is her attachment. She wants so bad for this person to change. But he can’t change when she focuses so much on his behavior. Behavior reflecting her own waffling way of being.
That’s right, my client realizes in this contrast presented by this guy that she was this way in relationship for decades. So here she is having her dominant way of being in relationship reflected back to her.
I told her this was the purpose of this relationship. To have her see what stories she’s telling. To have her see them so that she can change her stories.
But she’s not having that. Which has her suffering in indecision and strong resistance. Resistance she thinks is desire. Resistance she thinks is love.
Which is why what happened next is so compelling.
The Universe delivers
While my client holds onto her attachment for dear life, her focus on what she doesn’t want already has created what she does want. The Universe already answered her desire for a better relationship, in other words.
And even though she witnessed this unfolding, which I’ll describe in a moment, her attachment still has her pining for this one guy, rather than going with the flow of her unfolding manifestation. Here’s what that looks like:
“I was on my Facebook profile,” she explained one session. We were talking about her dating possibilities and how the Universe keys up an infinite stream of better quality men for her.
“I rarely visit that profile,” She said. “But when I did lately, I noticed I had 150 new friend requests!”
Then she changed the subject: “I’m on eHarmony,” She said. “None of the men I see there are attractive to me. It’s depressing.”
The client said she wondered while viewing her online dating profile if she should date only widowers. She thinks such men would be better matches. That’s because, supposedly, they had long, enduring relationships right up to the bitter end! Then she said she also thought she should date only engineers, since she gets along with such guys easily. (She used to work in an engineering-heavy industry.)
“So when I looked at the friend requests,” She explained, coming back to the original subject. “Four of them were really handsome men. All four were widowers and all were engineers! And…each of them expressed interest in me! That’s soweird! “
“Weird” means “I’m oblivious”
“Weird” is a common refrain from clients. Like the majority of people, they don’t get how consistently Universe delivers on all desires. So they don’t experience enough evidence of this in their lives. When I point it out as happening, they can’t believe it’s just how the Universe works. They instead see these experiences as standing out. As strange. As “weird”.
In time, anyone will move beyond “weird” to just accepting their worthiness. But until then, people just can’t accept that these “coincidences” are how the Universe works. In other words, they’re oblivious. And that obliviousness blocks them from seeing their desires fulfilling themselves, like this client seeing the Universe give her matches without her having to do anything.
This obliviousness is why people are dating online. And trying to “make” other things happen in their lives. They think “doing” is the key to getting what they want. When in fact, relaxing and trusting will make it happen easier and with more fun.
People make a lot of money off other people thinking “doing” is the only way.
I encouraged my client to get this. That the Universe knows better how to deliver what she wants. And that no amount of doing can replace the power and leverage of the Universe.
She’s still attached. So she’s still struggling. But the wonder wasn’t wasted on me. I reveled in the awareness giving me insight into the gift the client received. Even if she didn’t enjoy that awareness fully…yet.
Because I know, in time, should she continue, she will gain that awareness. It’s the natural unfolding of All That Is. All That Is, which is what we all are.
Discover how the Universe is serving you with utmost loyalty. Contact me. Let’s get you started in your own practice.
