Trans-attraction - The Transamorous Network

September 14, 2021August 14, 2021

The Maddening Catch-22 Of Transgender Love

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Dear TTN,

I accept the fact that I am attracted to trans women.

One thing that has stopped me for a while is when I see posts of [transgender] activists such as Serena Daniari or others that complain about men that like trans women.

She is very intelligent. She seems the type of trans woman I would date in terms of intelligence, attractiveness, and the fact that she is at a similar level both in career and studies. It’s just an example, I obviously don’t plan on dating her.

The common thing I see from transgender women on social media is this: they keep complaining about men liking them for their penis or not caring about other parts of them, or liking them due to being trans or being secretive about them.

I have contacted lots of them to encourage them. I shared my admiration for them, for what they do, their journey, etc. Sometimes I ask their advice on dating properly with trans women, how to be respectful or how to navigate things appropriately.

Do you know how many of them replied? Zero. And minutes and days later they keep posting complaining about men. They express disgust, say we like them for the wrong reasons or complaining about people misgendering them.

This shocks me because it’s as if they just have a filter that selects the wrong stories and they decide to pay attention to them. And then they just picture people like us as disgusting or DL. Which just creates more shame.

Because on one side they ignore us when we properly talk to them as other humans, but at the same time they talk about us as chasers and disgusting people they generalize on. And then, the icing on the cake is, then they complain about being single and not finding someone that loves them as another human.

It’s very frustrating because you see intelligent, educated, attractive trans women with good careers, and in some way role models that want to help other trans women have easier lives, not being able to date with men that could love them due to solely their mindset and what they want to see.

And with their posts on the topic they amplify the false story that there’s no men out here that want to date trans women who sees them as equals which can cause other trans women that follow them to adopt that vision.

It would be great if bridges could be created with those activists, to help them see that this is not the case. And to help spread the healthy image of relationships between trans women and cis men. Although I am not sure if they are ready to accept that and want to keep at that world perspective that nearly everyone is either against them or wants them for DL sex. I tried explaining but they just ignore me.

What do you think can be done about that?

I would like to date a trans woman like them but I feel I would just get called chaser due to their beliefs. I am not sure if in my country there’s women like them though.

Living in Spain

Dear Living in Spain,

Bridging isn’t necessary. We do not build bridges with transgender women activists who tell stories you talk about. Good reasons support our position. Perhaps you’ll agree with some, since you know stories’ role in shaping people’s experience.

For one, intelligence and career/professional success get trumped by stories every time. You see this in the responses you’re (not) getting and in what these women use their intelligence/success to amplify. A lot of these women’s success depends largely on them amplifying stories their followers/audiences share. Especially so on social media. I’m sure know the popular Upton Sinclair quote:

For a trans woman who’s success (and ongoing income) depends on ongoing and increasing followership through social media, offering opinions contrary to the majority of what that followership believes isn’t in her best interest.

Doing so won’t increase her success or income. It likely will do the opposite. So her vested financial interest is – keep doing what she’s doing (and saying). Which means repeating what her audience believes.

Secondly, many set their own agenda at completely cross-purposes with our agenda. Hypothetical example: a successful transgender woman “activist” moved through sex work on her way to her success. While experiencing very “low level” trans-attracted/chaser men, she developed extremely bitterness-triggering negative stories about men. She told them for a long time, shared them with friends, and got a LOT of agreement/validation of her experiences through her rise on social media.

The momentum of those stories will keep her in that bitterness long after attaining success. The only one who can change that momentum: her. But she must be willing to do that. First, she must know that she tells such stories, and she must understand what’s available in changing them. That alone represents a tall order.

For most such women, that level of self-awareness doesn’t exist. Some barely even register their stories! It’s all happening in them on auto-pilot!

So were we to try changing their mind, it would just cause their stories to “dig in” deeper. We know this from personal experience.

Self-loathing in a pretty, intelligent, successful shell

Another reason we won’t waste our time trying to convince activists otherwise is because a lot of their frustration, anger and revulsion at trans-attracted men is about their own lack of self-worth, insecurity and self-loathing.

Think about it. Many, many transgender women (and we’ve talked with a lot) go through years, sometimes decades HATING what they are. Especially hating body parts they interpret as reminding them who they aren’t.

So when a guy offers his natural acceptance and appreciation of a trans woman for all they are (penis included) doesn’t it seem natural that trans woman who hates parts of herself will react vehemently towards someone who wants them – in part – for the part(s) they hate?

Just because someone is intelligent and successful doesn’t mean they come equipped with introspection and self-awareness/knowledge. Sometimes the most intelligent and successful are the ones with the least self-awareness! And the most self-loathing…

And once they remove the offending part, they now must contend with the fact that they find themselves in a kind of no-man’s land: on the one hand, some men don’t want them because they aren’t “really” women. On the other, those who do want them, they say, want them for what they no longer have. we’re speaking from their perspective of their stories.

The thing is, it’s fine to want intelligence and success. But first on your list should be a story match. The only way to do that is by first entertaining stories you want in a partner. Everything else follows that.

The catch 22 of trans-attraction

You’re absolutely right, and, while being right you affirm the next reason why we won’t bridge with activists. You write: “because it’s as if they just have a filter that selects the wrong stories and they decide to pay attention to them. And then they just picture people like us as disgusting or DL. Which just creates more shame. Because on one side they ignore us when we properly talk to them as other humans, but at the same time they talk about us as chasers and disgusting people they generalize on. And then the icing on the cake is then they complain about being single and not finding someone that loves them as another human.”

This is the crux of the dilemma for both sides. Once you have a story set, or what we call a “belief constellation”, in place, it’s very difficult dislodging yourself so you can see outside that story set. The struggle trans-attracted men have is exactly what you say: society generally shames us, and the very women we are attracted to do too. So we end up self-shaming, self-loathing and in that blame transgender women for our predicament. But for every person struggling, the struggle is self-inflicted. There are no victims.

Yes, trans women do all this complaining, all the while complaining about being single. But think about stories and realities they create. Of course a trans woman who has such stories will end up single…or with a woman. No one can create around their beliefs (stories). That’s why we ONLY work with men and trans women who are willing to examine their beliefs and stories and change them.

So these (and many more) are reasons why we don’t put any time trying to build bridges. With activists or any other trans or trans-attracted person ignorant about what creates their reality, there’s no bridge to be built that will effectively span the chasm created by bogus stories.

Here’s the good news:

There are more trans women out there than you think you know. Many of them don’t have that superficial success depending on constant story agreement. Many exceed your success and intelligence – no offense. And besides, assuming you’re monogamous you only need one! That’s easy to get!

But think about this now: Your email arrived PACKED with as many stories about those women, stories not dissimilar from stories these women have about you. So you’re kinda in the same boat, aren’t you? Rather than trying to reach these “activist” women, who you see as successful and thus prime candidates for your attention and affection, why not instead change YOUR stories, and thereby your attention, to those transgender women who are out there who already meet you on the story level, profession level and success level? They are out there, but, just like you say about Serena, you can’t see them if you keep going after girls like Serena then complaining when they ignore you.

Here’s something else to consider. And we’re just casually sharing here. Isn’t it obvious from your observation and experience that intelligence and career success aren’t enough to find a match? We agree with you, there are many very successful transgender women out there. More than you know, we promise.

But no amount of intelligence/career success will overcome stories you keep telling, or they keep telling, that keep you from being a match. In fact, intelligence and success, as you saw, often hinder one’s ability to see different perspectives. The very perspectives that can bring them everything they want.

You don’t need activists. The Transamorous Network doesn’t either. If you want to enjoy fulfilling, happy cis-trans relationships, or just one, attend to your stories first. Then, armed with better-feeling stories, relax and watch as your reality changes to match your new level of story creation.

TTN

September 7, 2021July 23, 2021

How Perfect Manifestation Makes For Great Results

It’s fun watching how my desires fulfill themselves. Even desires I want at one time, but then expand out of. These too still become my reality, whether I want them or not. When this happens, it proves what we talk about at The Transamorous Network.

Through such proof I also learn how to refine my story telling practice. That way I create more reality consistent with my desire. What happened recently offers a perfect example.

A couple years ago after my marriage ended in divorce, I needed a job. I manifested the perfect job immediately, with no effort, in perfect timing. That job set me up to never work a job again. (Links go to my sister site Positively Focused)

While working at that company though, I briefly aspired to management. At the time I saw pretty great potential in moving up the ranks, potentially rising quickly as that company grew.

But those thoughts came from old stories. Stories most people tell about what “success” looks like. In those stories, “career success”, “corporate success”, rising through the ranks and a big salary means success.

That kind of success though tends to cost a lot. One’s life balance, freedom, passions and authentic self-expression usually get squelched in such opportunities. I should know. I enjoyed just such success at a major utility and a high tech company spanning over 20 years. Both careers took their toll.

I’m glad I’m past that.

Be careful what you ask for…you might get it

Still, while at that big company, I got caught up in old beliefs. Other beliefs in that constellation had me doubt what I now no longer doubt. Those other beliefs told me pursuing my passions was scary, hard and hardly anyone succeeded doing that.

So one day, while doing my job, I told myself a story. I thought about how cool it would be to transition into management at this company. In telling that story, I created a future reality where the company invited me to apply for a position that opened doors to future operational leadership.

Then I forgot all about it. I didn’t “try” to “make it happen”. In fact until what happened next happened, I forgot all about that future reality.

That’s because during the ensuing short months at that company, several other desires fulfilled themselves. Those opened doors to where I am now, not working and instead pursuing my passions and allowing my Charmed Life.

Here’s what happened.

If it’s not a “hell yes!”

The other day I got an email. It came from a recruiter working at the company where I worked. The email offered me an operational leadership position. The position offered exactly what I wanted: open doors to greater leadership.

The email specifically said “this role is a stepping stone into operational leadership”!

At first, the email sounded interesting. But the more I thought about it, the less intriguing the opportunity felt.

“Why?” You may ask. “You manifested exactly what you wanted!”

True, I wanted that…a few years ago. Now, life and my desires changed. The opportunity sounded interesting. But interesting isn’t enough. I know if an opportunity doesn’t feel like a “Hell Yes”, it’s a “Hell no!”, no matter how good it sounds.

The real opportunity…

Given where I am, I wrote the sender telling him I wasn’t interested for several reasons. Then I thought about this experience and saw the gold in it.

I thought about the mechanics of this manifestation, what I did, or more important, what I didn’t do, and how it unfolded. Here’s what I saw:

I created the desire our of my then, now, the told the story of that desire
The desire felt exciting at the time and I had sincere interest in it.
Then, I totally forgot about it. I didn’t stew on it, I didn’t do any processes to amplify the desire or the fulfillment, I used no affirmations. I let it go.
This is important: Fulfillment took a while. During that time I felt no impatience about getting anywhere, which allowed me to relax and let things unfold.
As a result of all the above, the story manifested into a reality, with me not doing anything to “make it happen”.

This result typifies what I’d call perfect manifestation technique. No focus on “when” or “how”. No trying to make it happen. Total surrender and…fulfillment…with no effort on my part.

This manifestation also lets me know just because a manifestation fulfills itself doesn’t mean I need to step into it. Manifestations represent sign posts along my unfolding path to expansion, which has no end.

That means I face continual streams of unfolding desires, some I’ll embrace, others I’ll pass by.

Today far more interesting unfolding desires keep me excited about my now and the future. I enjoy watching all desires unfold though, whether I embrace them or not, knowing they all come with teachings which make me a better, deliberate creator.

August 31, 2021July 23, 2021

How Positive Stories Make Happy Days Even Better

Everything and everyone enjoys a oneness which, when telling positive stories, gets confirmed in delightful ways. Tuning ones self through positive storytelling practices, more such delights reveal themselves.

I like when this happens. It confirms what I know. The more it happens, the more confirmation I get. This blog celebrates such confirmations. Sharing what I know amplifies my awareness. It heightens my sensitivity. So I see more such experiences. More such experiences creates positive realities we talk about at The Transamorous Network.

Since I practice what we teach, my life includes many examples proving that statement. It includes so many examples, I find life joyful and I find me deserving. In that deservedness, I relax into grace. In that grace, life gets really good.

Because in grace, in that relaxing perspective, I see my desires fulfill themselves. I walk in perpetual bliss, knowing all works out in my eternity. Standing in that, evidence of my blessedness reveals itself to me near constantly.

One way that happens involves examples proving we all are one. They happen all the time in everyone’s life. But often, they get called coincidence. They show up and people feel them. But they pass them off, ignore them, or see them, but disregard the message. That’s why so many lives fall short of people’s expectations.

Virtuous upward spiral of great good

All That Is shows itself in billions of little things. Little happenings people ignore in their busy, nose-to-the-grindstone lives. But when someone stops and focuses on such little things, they begin something wonderful.

In giving attention to them, they exalt them for the joyful All That Is expression they represent. In that exaltation they open themselves to bigger things.

Before long, what they want starts showing up too. Fulfilled desires show themselves and their recipients understand their worthiness. That’s why recognizing these little things carries such weight.

In their acknowledgment sparks the virtuous spiral leading not only to self-fulfilling desires, but to joyful lives.

So every chance I get I exalt these little happenings for what they are: gracious, loving expressions created by All That Is just for me.

Two examples back to back

Two such happenings showed themselves in the same day recently. On Thursdays in summer, when days fill with warm temperatures, clear, blue skies and most people confine themselves in temperature-controlled offices, I ride my bike to the beach.

There I set up a shelter, blanket and chair. I take my computer, phone, creature comforts such as water and food and a good read with me. Typically I spend nearly all day there, marveling at my leisure life and earth’s abundant beauty.

One Thursday I invited a friend. She owns no bike so we agreed she’d meet me there. Knowing we’d need more water, I asked if she’d swing by my place and grab an extra bottle I left on the porch just before I started my bike journey. She said yes.

The ride to the beach I enjoy includes a 14 mile one-way trek. Sometimes I take potty breaks along the way. Especially if I’ve had a lot of water. So nothing unusual occurred to me when I pulled up to a port-a-potty in a park about a quarter of the way to the beach. I rested my bike on the port-a-potty’s back wall, went inside and did my business.

Me mugging for the camera in front of the port-a-potty I just used.

While exiting the John, I got an impulse. It said at that moment “text your housemates. Let them know why a bottle of water is on the porch.”

All That Is coordinates just for me

So I did so. I texted my housemates, told them about the bottle and got ready to continue my ride.

But one of my housemates texted back immediately. Here’s a screen shot of my text and what she wrote in reply. Then my acknowledgment of what happened.

A housemate and I communicating in synch with the Universe and me celebrating that oneness.

My housemate didn’t catch what I saw. Or maybe she ignored how significant the experience was. I didn’t ignore it, obviously. Instead, I reveled in it because I knew All That Is, my Inner Being and the Universe coordinated that exchange just for me.

I do love it when such things happen. Every time they do, I amplify the experience by acknowledging it, celebrating it and then replaying the experience over and over. That way, I prepare myself for future such experiences.

Which is exactly what happened later that day.

More blessedness evidence

I enjoyed my day with my friend at the beach. We talked about our spiritual practices and watched Osprey play in the sky. She got sunburned. I got to eat her fruit. She brought more than she could eat but we had plenty of water. 😊

My bike ride home left me happy and well-exercised. Summer days last well into the evening, so when I got home at around 9 p.m., the sun hung low in the sky. As it set and time to button up the house approached, I got the impulse to do something one of my housemates typically does.

Each evening we close up part of the house so we aren’t disturbed by people using that room. It requires closing the doors to that room.

My impulse said “go upstairs and close the doors.”

I typically, but not always, follow my impulses immediately and encourage my clients do the same as well. Doing that puts one in synch with the reason one gets an impulse. That way one rendezvous with manifestations coordinated on one’s behalf. The Universe blesses all of us all day, every day this way. That’s why tuning one’s self to hear impulses carries so much importance.

After all, if you can’t hear the impulse to act, how can you follow it?

A second awesome outcome

My room takes up half the basement space. I started walking through the other part of the basement and up the stairs when a message notification pinged on my phone. I checked the phone. Nick, another of my housemates sent a text. Here’s our exchange:

I didn’t text back my excitement at receiving Nick’s text. But I recognized the synchronicity. I received an impulse moments before he texted what he was unable to do. You can bet I was excited. Two times in the same day! Awesome!

If we let it in, we will see the universe constantly shows us how it loves us, has its gaze upon us and wants us to know that. It always communicates how blessed we are.

But if we don’t let it in, such evidence goes unnoticed. Or acknowledged as coincidence, something far less grand than what’s actually happening.

Telling positive stories tunes me in so I see these events as they are: beautiful evidence of my blessedness. More such events happen these days, showing me I’m riding that upward spiral to more and greater outcomes. Outcomes aligned with my fulfilling desire. Including meeting that romantic partner I’m becoming a match to.

I’m excited for more evidence that I’m at one with All That Is.

August 31, 2021July 30, 2021

A Trans-attracted Man Shares His Powerful Freedom

We love it when a transamorous man publicly declares his love of transgender women. That’s our goal at The Transamorous Network: inspiring more men along their trans-chaser-to-transamory journey to drop their shame and publicly own how amazing being transamorous is.

Case in point: Corey Delano.

While many battled fear and insecurity around COVID-19 in the last 18 months, Corey decided sharing his love of transgender women felt right. So not only did the highly-certified technician do so, he did it grandly…on YouTube.

Having posted 10 months ago, Corey’s video racked up almost 100,000 views so far. And while almost 100,000 doesn’t make his video “viral”, as far as we’re concerned, that’s a healthy viewership for the trans/trans-attracted community.

Corey’s straightforwardness endears him to his viewers. He makes no bones about his attraction, even when acknowledging he may get negative responses.

“I don’t care what the general population things about me.” He says.

When I sifted through the video’s over 2,000 comments (in 10 months!), most seemed quite supportive. The video garnered over 16K thumbs up compared to a measly 158 thumbs down. An impressive ratio.

We want to amplify Corey’s message because it bears repeating.

No shame, just glory

Corey’s message: no shame exists in your trans-attraction. It’s natural and wholesome.

We’ll add: the only reason you feel shame about your trans-attraction owes itself to what you bring to it in your thoughts.

Shame tells trans-attracted men what they’re thinking about their natural attraction doesn’t line up with what they really know at the core of who they are. When a guy tells stories like “my friends will ridicule me”, or, “I’ll lose my job”, or, “Am I gay?” when feeling arousal over transgender women, of course they’ll feel shame.

They’ll also feel embarrassment, insecurity, fear, judgement…and many other emotions. All these emotions tell the thinker, what they’re thinking is bogus.

Our clients discover freedom from all these negative emotions once they start telling positive stories about their attractions. Such freedom not only makes finding wholesome, strong, lovely transgender women possible. It also turns every other aspect of life in better directions.

That’s why our clients report specific and general improvements in their lives. They also find more empowerment and happiness.

Listen how Corey’s confidence, honesty and certainty comes through along with the words he’s sharing. It’s the message we share too.

We’re eager to see more men like Corey come forward.

August 24, 2021July 18, 2021

The Great Good Of Consistent, Happy Dating Stories

We say over and over that stories create reality. Especially in dating or trying to find a date, a partner, a lover or whatever. Here at The Transamorous Network we know this as a kind of “law”. There’s no getting around it.

Recently, a client saw first hand how her stories created an embarrassing experience. In the same experience though, came illumination. For in the experience she saw with stark clarity how her stories create what she experiences.

The great good in that was now she knows consistent, happy stories will create consistent happy dates.

This client, let’s call her “Stacy”, is transgender. While Stacy wants love, she can’t make up her mind right now about many things she wants in a relationship.

Your stories bring their own clarity

Stacy prefers men. Polyamory allures her too. But when potential partners sharing that lifestyle talk about their other partners, Stacy feels insecure and jealous. She also remains unsure about what she likes in bed. And she’s not sure she wants bottom surgery.

Men she’s found represent wide varieties of tastes and flavors. She enjoys smart ones. Funny ones, men who know what they want and clearly express that attract her too. But she doesn’t like excessively forward men or men who want only sex.

The men showing up in your life show up because of stories you tell about men. Same goes for you men who want to be with a transgender woman. (Photo by Tamarcus Brown on Unsplash)

One night Stacy got a shocking, combined sample of all these stories. She met a man who ticked many of Stacy’s boxes. As a result, when he asked her to meet him late one night, she agreed.

This guy was in an “open” relationship. Not quite a poly relationship, he and his female partner agreed they’d enjoy sex with others. Their agreement also barred him from sleeping with cis-women. But he could sleep with transgender women.

Let the fun begin

So Stacy and this guy made plans. Another stipulation of the guy’s relationship included communicating transparently about his plans ahead of time. So he left his partner a voice message that he had a date and would return home late.

Stacy and this guy met in his car and parked in a lot where the two started fooling around. That quickly turned to stroking and stroking turned to fellatio, with one giving to the other and vice versa.

When Stacy’s turn to give came, she dove in with relish, she said. He orgasmed into her mouth, which she particularly enjoys. Then they took a breather before round two. After he went down on her, it was Stacy’s turn again.

As she started to put his penis in her mouth, Stacy, who looked into the guy’s eyes, also noticed someone else in the car window behind him. She looked up a bit more and there stood a woman looking right into her eyes.

“It was so embarrassing,” Stacy said. “Here I was with this guy’s dick in my mouth and this woman was looking right at me.”

Literally caught in the act

Turned out this woman was the guy’s partner. She located the couple though her partner’s phone, which broadcast his location. The woman was livid. Stacy and her date dressed and he told Stacy to give him a moment as he stepped out the car.

The car interior offered no privacy though. Stacy listened as the woman reamed the guys ass and not in a good way. She railed about him leaving a voice message, which didn’t satisfy their agreement that they talk about encounters before hand.

“It was obvious she was not happy,” Stacy said. “She was hurt, clearly jealous and angry.”

Eventually, the woman left. By then, all the magic of the night wore off. The guy apologized for the spectacle, drove Stacy back to her AirBnb, then drove home.

Later, on the phone, he apologized again for his partner’s insecurities and for her surprising them both by showing up on their date. He asked Stacy if she’d be willing to meet his partner in hopes that would soothe her anger.

Believe it or not, but when faced with an angry person, you’re a match to that anger somehow. Stacy’s experience with her date’s partner shows how stories she’s telling created the situation she found herself in. That’s good news. (Photo by Engin Akyurt on Unsplash)

Stacy said yes, at first, but then, later, after talking with friends about the situation, said she didn’t want to talk with her. She concluded this guy’s relationship had nothing to do with her.

She was wrong though. The relationship and what happened had everything to do with her.

Stories always show up in one’s reality

Every encounter with another, whether a stranger, a partner or a lover always shows what active stories exist in one’s awareness.

That’s a good thing. Because how do one know what beliefs one believes if reality doesn’t show them to the person? Once a story becomes a belief, realities that story creates, replace conscious awareness of the belief itself. Belief recedes into the background and “reality” becomes “true”.

So it’s positive when something seemingly shitty happens. When it does, a person can changes stories creating it. In time the new story creates reality consistent with it. Just as the old, negative story created reality consistent with it.

So here Stacy sat, dead in the middle of a constellation of stories, all creating an experience consistent with themselves. Think about it:

Stacy believes she doesn’t know whether she wants a polyamorous relationship.
She holds beliefs about herself, particularly stories about her self-worth. Those stories create insecurity and jealousy in her.
She has stories that men, especially straight men, use trans women as means to satisfy an experimental desire. Men don’t want a trans girl for a partner.
Stacy also feels insecure about what she likes, and worries about what others might think about what she likes.

And here she finds herself in a situation where a jealous, angry, insecure, untrusting person shows up and literally exposes Stacy in quite the embarrassing situation.

It works 100 percent of the time

Stories create reality. It doesn’t matter if you like the story you’re telling or not, the story, told often enough will create reality consistent with it. It’s great news knowing that though because it shows how the Universe is 100 percent consistent. It always presents realities consistent with stories you’re telling.

Your stories create your life. Tell positive stories and watch what happens. Sounds crazy, we know, but it works.

Most people tell a combination of some positive stories and some negative, with a preponderance of one over the other. So a consistently negative person can experience a positive thing here and there in their lives. But generally, their life (to them) feels mostly negative.

The pessimist’s life is just like a mostly cloudy sky. Mostly clouds with an occasional bright spot. Should that person focus on the bright spots, the pessimist’s sky would clear in time, leaving a bright, shiny, cloudless day.

But how many pessimists you know turn their lives (and their demeanor) into optimistic ones? Hardly any.

Relationship stories work the same. Which is why we encourage transgender women and trans-attracted men the way we do. First, get your stories right. Do that and the relationship you want comes super easy.

So does everything else. Everything else comes easy because stories create ALL reality. Not just relationship realities.

What realities are you creating? Do you like your relationship life? Or do you want a better one? If you do, we can help.