Tag: Trans-attraction

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A Transgender Woman’s Dream Love Life: What It Looks Like

Photo by Shelby Deeter on Unsplash

Despite what so many transgender women claim when they write me, this “Your stories create your reality” business really works. Those saying it doesn’t with no evidence to back their claims, and no effort put in to testing it, don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

Meanwhile my TRANSGENDER clients are finding empowerment, joy and satisfaction knowing they create their reality.

Case in point: Casey (Not her real name). It’s taken her a year and a half to discover how powerful she is. Yet, in that 18 months, she’s realized what I say in this blog over and over: Everyone creates their reality.

Instead of complaining that I’m “blaming the victim” or “saying it’s their fault” for shitty experiences people create, Casey put the practice to the test. She tested it in the only place real results could convince her: In her personal life. And in the 18-months not only has she completely transformed her dating circumstances, she’s changing a whole lot more in the process.

The most prominent change is in her soothed disposition and her belief that she does, indeed, create her reality. Let’s look at how this all started for her.

Men are a threat

When she first contacted me, Casey felt attraction to men. She wanted to be married to a man. Yet, any man that gave her any more than passing attention, Casey interpreted it negatively.

She thought the men would wage violence on her. She thought men looked at her as a “man in a dress”. When men complimented something about her, she would overlook the compliment and get stressed over they guy’s attention.

The first example she gave me in our preliminary session was at a grocery store parking lot. As she walked from her car towards the store, Casey said a guy followed her, “very slowly” in his car.

“I got really scared,” She said.

“What did you think he was going to do?” I asked.

Casey said “I don’t know! I was just scared.”

My first attempt to begin changing her perspective was asking her a question she would have never considered in that experience:

“How do you now that guy staring at you and following you in his car wasn’t attracted to or fascinated about you?” I asked.

The question stunned her.

She never considered the man might have positive reasons for eyeballing her. She, like many transgender women, was too steeped in the statistics. And while stats have some merit….THEY’RE JUST NUMBERS! Anyone who understands statistics knows that when one looks at an individual data point, statistical probabilities almost totally break down. Even statisticians will tell you that.

What’s more, everyone is creating their own reality. Meaning, no one is beholden to a collection of past creations others have created, which is what stats are.

Many people, including transgender women, think statistics say something about their future. They don’t. (Photo by Lacie Slezak on Unsplash)

The stats don’t matter…unless you let the

But transgender women will quote stats until the cows come home about how much at risk they are. They’ll exclaim how “true” they are. And then live in fear.

Not Casey. She was willing to try something different. Why? Because everything else wasn’t working. I wish my clients didn’t wait until they hit rock bottom. But sometimes that’s the only time a human will try something new.

After weeks of sessions, Casey began entertaining more positive stories about why men stared at her. She also started telling more positive stories about her dismal experience with online dating.

She had terrible experiences. Much like many transgender women will tell their friends about. Trans-attracted men were dicks, Casey would say.

“They always text me when drunk. They always want to see my dick or share theirs. I don’t wanna get involved with that shit!” she exclaimed.

I asked if she could come up with other reasons why trans-attracted men would do such things. What reasons could trans-attracted men behave from which would cause them to behave the way they were, I asked.

It took her a while, and a lot of coaching. But over time, Casey began to come up with more positive and empowering reasons for behaviors she’d experience with men.

Those reasons had her feel more compassion and understanding for trans-attracted men. As her feelings about the men softened her experiences gradually started changing.

A big shift

Casey really wants to meet a man in the small town she comes from. Right now, she lives in a big town. She believed at one time that a man who would date her let alone marry her wouldn’t dare live in her hometown. I told her that was bullshit because the universe will give a person anything they want.

Casey also wanted to meet men in person. Men who would take her out on dates. Most men she met online lived across the country or hundreds of miles away. Almost all of them ghosted her after a short online courtship.

But as her stories improved, the men stayed around longer. They expressed more interest in her as a person. Some revealed their own struggles as trans-attracted men. In short, Casey started to see this shift in the men she was meeting (with some terse pointing out on my part).

All this time, I told her her reality was changing as she changed her inner reality. I regularly pointed indications of her improved mood and the improving quality of men she met.

Until one day a man reached out to her online. He lived in the same town as Casey. He wanted to take her out on a date. It was a lot of what Casey asked for. Then, before that guy could followup on the invite ANOTHER guy, this time living about 13 miles outside Casey’s town wrote. He was better than the first guy. But the first guy was extremely sweet.

More evidence…

After a series of long online conversations, this guy, let’s call him Jason, went dark. Casey started complaining about yet another guy ghosting her. But she quickly caught her negative story. She wanted him to reach out, but was also wanting to reach out to him out of insecurity. She felt that if she reached out to him, he’d reach back out to her.

The problem with that strategy is her insecurity would speak way louder than her words. So the guy would pick up on that and give her more of what she’s focusing on: her insecurity. And therefore not reply. I strongly suggested she not take any action. Instead, I suggested she just be open to hearing from him. That’s what she did. And here’s what happened straight from Casey’s phone:

It’s interesting to note something I always beat into my clients: What another person says or does is NEVER about you. It’s always about THEM. But a lot of people, transgender women included, will make things about THEM when it’s really NOT.

A guy sending dick pics is NOT ABOUT YOU.

Someone you’re interested in you ghosting you IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

Everything someone does – even if it’s a good thing they do – is ALWAYS about them!

As icing on Casey’s cake, check out the text the guy sent her the next evening. A vast improvement from her past experiences:

Where many trans-attracted guys are when talking with transgender women. Yet, most won’t be honest about how they’re feeling.

This text blew Casey away.

A remarkable shift everyone can experience

This series of events seems extraordinary. It’s not though. What happened here with Casey can happen with ANY transgender woman. It doesn’t matter what her circumstances are because the Universe is ready to deliver to everyone anything they want.

And it IS delivering. What’s keeping the delivery from happening is the person wanting it. That person blocks the delivery with stories inconsistent with what they want.

Notice what Casey said in that final text. She’s expressing empowerment and happiness on a subject many transgender women experience insecurity and fear. Every transgender woman can experience what Casey here expresses. All it takes is a little willingness to tell different stories.

A whole lot more goodness happened with Casey since this guy reached out. But that’s for another post. If you’re wanting experiences, dramatic shifts like Casey’s, in love, or any other subject, you can have it.

And I can help. Contact me and let’s get you going on the road to your lover!

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How To Turn Toxic Anti-Trans Rhetoric Into Great Results

It’s Pride Month!

Typically we don’t celebrate such things. But this year, something happened demonstrating a perfect application of what we talk about all day, every day here at The Transamorous Network. And it’s related to Pride Month. So we wanted to amplify the goodness.

While scrolling social media we came across an interesting meme. Mixed Martial Arts Competitor Fallon Fox posted something our friend Kari reposted. The post refers to a pride month artistic rendering of the words “pride” and “month” mushed together. The result is the rainbow-colored word “demon”.

Fallon alludes to some kind of controversy about this meme. We didn’t realize what the fuss was about. It’s a cool meme, which cribs from art created by queer artist “Art By Veya”, who is selling the design in various styles and colors of t-shirts on their website.

So we looked up the controversy. Apparently the kerfuffle started with conservative media member and QAnon believer Lauren Witzke. She posted the meme on Twitter. She thought she was “owning the libs”. As with all attempts to push against something, though, it backfired.

Instead of putting fear in the LGBTQ community, her post acted as free advertising for the creator. It also generated a flurry of “good news” LGBTQ articles proclaiming how great the tweet was:

But that’s not all! There are a lot of other positive things happening in response to Witzke’s lame attempt. Let’s check them out.

Stories create reality

First, notice Witzke’s attempt to cancel the community did exactly the opposite. It’s a perfect example of “Whatever you push against, you amplify”. In other words, whatever you put your attention on will grow. It happens that way because that’s how our participation in the Universe creates more of the Universe. So it’s to our advantage always to pay attention only to things we want to see more of. Or tell the most positive story we can about what we face.

Second, notice all the positive stories journalists, gay folks, and even Fallon Fox are making of Witzke’s tweet. These people are finding empowerment and…let’s admit it…great humor in Witzke’s fruitless attempt. These are perfect stories that will create more and better experience for everyone involved.

Finally, let’s take a look at the artist who created the work. It’s a certainty “Art By Veya” had NO IDEA this kind of thing would be responsible for pushing them into a whole other notariety level. A lot of folks are reposting and posting anew about this seemingly coincidental experience. “Art By Veya” is literally getting famous from what looks like a coincidence. And, according to the artist, her sales have seen a sharp increase.

Only these kinds of things aren’t coincidence. More of these kinds of things can happen for all of us when we tell positive stories about our lives and what we want. In fact, such experiences happen around us all the freaking time. But if we’re too head-down, complaining about life, bored or anxiety-ridden we miss them.

Why? Because such events are high-vibration events. And if we’re not at the frequency of such events they might as well not happen. Because we’re not a match to them. So they happen, but we don’t experience them.

Create your version of this goodness

Which is why we encourage everyone reading this that if you’re unhappy with aspects of your life, you can change them. No matter what it is. Our clients are showing themselves that they can make their lives better. So can you.

Don’t have a lover and want one? You can have one. Your landlord evicted you because you’re trans? You can fix that too. Nothing is outside of your power to change. But you can’t keep telling stories about what you don’t want and expect it to go away. Witzke and other anti-trans people are proving this over and over.

So are transgender women and trans-attracted men, by the way. Notice the more the community complains and push against anti-trans people, such as J.K. Rowling, the more they double down on their opinion. We can’t get what we want by pushing against what we don’t. Witzke’s example proves this as do many others.

So tell better stories. Tell EXCELLENT stories and watch what happens. It won’t happen overnight, but change awaits your discovery, and your delight (hey, that rhymes!). The only price you must pay: the price of feeling better about your currently situation.

Need help doing that? We’re here.

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[VIDEO] Trans And Trans Attracted Self Loathing Is Rampant.

My love for transgender women has me sharing this video. Hat tip to “Queer Kari” on medium for posting it on her Facebook page. Kari is worth a follow. She’s brilliant AF.

A major reason transgender women revile trans-attracted men comes from what the gender psychologist in the video is saying. Mind you, she specializes in working with the transgender community. So if you need bona-fides, she has them. And based on the video’s comment section, she’s onto something.

Of course, we know all this at The Transamorous Network. Beliefs create reality. And if a person’s life feels full of negative experiences, a state of unworthiness, depression, self-directed anger or lack of self-acceptance exists underneath creating all that. No exceptions.

This psychologist puts her finger on self-loathing’s origins. She doesn’t go far enough though. That’s because her profession doesn’t know anything about nonphysical reality. It won’t acknowledge how life in nonphysical shapes life in physical reality. Still, her explanation clearly resonates. Again, just look at who comments on the video. And what they say.

Why am I sharing this?

I’m sharing this for a couple reasons. The most important being the following. If a transgender woman isn’t aware of her own self-loathing, she will, unbeknownst to her, attract men who reflect that self-distaste right back to her. The same goes for trans-attracted men. So knowing and accepting one’s self-loathing is a critical part of getting over it.

The other reason I’m sharing this is because I care deeply about both trans-attracted men and transgender women. That’s why I share what I know. I want both parties to find love and personal happiness. Clearly, I’m doing something right:

A transgender client texting me after her session. Something about my approach must be working because I get these responses all the time.

Now, the doctor here recommends a solution. She says do things that show we love ourselves. Buy ourselves flowers, for example, she says. The problem with that approach is action will not soothe belief. Only giving attention to new beliefs will soothe existing ones. I show my clients how to do this.

Here’s what happens when a person tries eliminating strong belief with countervailing action. The action AMPLIFIES the current strong belief. That’s because action doesn’t go “deep” enough to affect desired changes. Instead, it just causes the belief to push back.

Try convincing anyone to disbelieve something they strongly believe. You’ll see what I’m saying in action. They’ll defend the belief. They’ll give all kinds of reasons why it’s true. They will push back. It’s very difficult to change belief through action. The best, easiest way involves creating new beliefs. Not acting.

Self-loathing’s vicious cycle

I’ve spoken to many transgender women. Many trans-attracted men too. Nearly all of them struggle with accepting who they are. Their reasons are understandable of course. Society tells them there’s something wrong with them. As the psychologist says below, this indoctrination starts at an early age. Often within families of origin. More often than not the indoctrination is subliminal.

The discomfort people feel while getting indoctrinated tells them something important. But most don’t understand the language of emotions. So they miss the message entirely.

Instead, the discomfort strengthens. It gets so strong, it’s very easy to develop a revulsion around what we are. This revulsion is too much to bear psychologically for many women and trans-attracted men. So then, in the case of a transgender woman, it’s no surprise that when a man shows her natural, normal attraction/interest, as an expression of the man’s NATURAL NORMAL sexual orientation, the transgender woman almost invariably will project her inner self-loathing onto the man.

There’s no way a man can possibly be interested in me, because there’s something wrong with me. So there must be something wrong with him.

Then she will revile the man. Call him chaser or worse. Reject his attention. Such acts further strengthen the vicious cycle proving her unworthiness. It also perpetuates meeting more men who treat her the way she feels about herself. In other words, she matches with men sharing similar inner dialogue (stories).

Self-loathing trans-attracted men loath themselves because they, like the woman, had similar childhood experiences around their sexual curiosities. They feel shame about their trans-attraction and therefore live in the shadows. It’s a wonderful dynamic that CAN transform the experience of both parties for the better.

Awareness is everything

But that rarely happens without outside assistance. That’s because neither side recognizes nor accepts what’s going on inside themselves. Instead, the cycle continues. The women blame the men and vice-versa. The aftermath? Both the men and the women go loveless.

So here’s the gender psychologist telling it like it is. She uses clinical language, but the message is the same:

She tells it in different language, but the message is the same.

Awareness is everything. Unless we acknowledge what’s happening inside us, we rarely develop lives we really want. Indoctrination isn’t always negative. It can lead to certain success. Career success, for example, or financial success. That success usually is lopsided though. Donald Trump, Ted Turner and others have shown how familial indoctrination can result in even mega success. But such success often accompanies great dissatisfaction. Which is why many successful people kill themselves.

Relationships are another story, however. With relationships, inner awareness is crucial. Because human relationships depend heavily on one’s internal reality. That inner reality draws to us people who are our matches. These people match our inner reality. They share similar stories. They also behave the same way we do.

If you think what I offer is New Age BS, then listen to the psychologist in the video above. Her words are different. But she’s saying the exact same thing.

If you’re still struggling in love, it’s likely you are beset by some level of self-loathing. If you’re ready, I can help with that.

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I love When Transgender Clients Offer Thanks For Happy Lives

Photo by Alexas_Fotos on Unsplash

There are now several, but still a small number, of transgender women living their best lives after working with us The Transamorous Network. They’re sailing around the world with their lovers. One is reconnecting with family members who once disowned them. Another is creating their dream career. One credits this practice for keeping her from killing herself. Another today, lives her life empowered and unafraid. And others are coming into their joy as they create their love-life journeys.

Of course, trans-attracted men who once were clients are having their versions of similar lives. They’re finding joyful lives. They’ve also freed themselves from suicidal thoughts. And they’re proudly owning their trans-attraction.

I know what I offer my clients, whether transgender or trans-attracted, works. And yet, when a client offers their appreciation, it still warms my heart.

Such was the case yesterday. I happened to see a former client raving about her life on Facebook. I enjoyed seeing her living happily and made a quick quip about that. Here response was awesome:

And then today, immediately after another stirring client session, a current transgender client sent the following text message:

The woman above was struggling with her knee-jerk reactions to a trans-attracted guy she’s seeing. In one session we cleared that up. We also got her feeling empowered and excited again about this guy.

The head and heart

It’s always the case that our physical reality reflects back to us what’s happening inside us. Understand that and creating a life one loves is easy. The same goes with creating love lives. Tell the right stories in your head. Then your heart will received the satisfaction is craves. That’s the approach I take with clients.

It’s heartwarming seeing people I enjoy an affinity with improving their lives after discovering “stories create reality.” Receiving such messages never gets old. I only hope more transgender women discover the power, the empowerment that comes from realizing they ongoingly create their reality. Doing so, many women struggling with love, self-esteem and other inner conflicts can find freedom from all that.

And doing so, they’ll discover life is fun. Fun for transgender people and those who find them irresistibly attractive.

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Yet Another Transgender Woman Gets It

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

Oh boy, I’m attracting extraordinary transgender women!

I love it when I connect with transgender women who get it. The trans community is NOT homogenous. Not in any respect, but especially when it comes to opinions about many things, including being transgender.

Many transgender women hold views totally different from those who complain about men, their lives, the world around them and how poorly that world treats them. To the trans-attracted men: I suggest focusing on these transgender women. Not those who blame you for their experience. Trust me, you’ll find them everywhere.

These kinds of transgender women see where their views of the world shape the world they live in and experiences they have. Still others get how pointing fingers at men for being chasers perpetuates negative experiences transgender women experience with such men.

I will say this over and over: men struggle with their trans-attraction. That struggle strongly resembles processes many transgender women go through on their way to self-acceptance. Processes that help both parties get over their fear, their confusion, and shame. In other words, both parties have a lot in common. In fact, both parties share extremely intimate experiences. Experiences that can form the basis of intense, intimate, deep, loving relationships.

Another joyful connection

I had the pleasure of communicating with yet another transgender woman whose insight and maturity allows her to see things other transgender women can’t or won’t. I loved reading her response to a story I posted recently. Her response increases my knowing that these kinds of women exist. Women who share perspectives I have. Perspectives which say being trans is a unique, special and world-changing experience. And those having those experiences are worthy of veneration.

In the story I posted not long ago, I shared my personal views about transgender women. I wrote about what they represent (to me) and what that representation means for the world. Kari responded to that story. She gave me permission to use her real name.

The two comments she made are gold:

A brilliant and accurate analysis of what I wrote in my original story
And her perspective shared subsequently.

I’m heartened that transgender women exist like Kari. Women who can hold two different views and accept both. I also appreciate her self awareness. That self awareness shines through her self-image. A self-image through which she can see flaws in beliefs transgender women hold which vilify trans-attracted men. And ideas that try to put all transgender women in the same box.

There’s a lesson here guys

The transgender community is as diverse as any other. Transgender women exist who will meet any preference. They don’t all think the same. While there are transgender women who want to live as if they’re cis, there are transgender women who eschew that paradigm. And if you’re interested in a trans woman who will satisfy your preferences, you can find them.

Finding them however, means you must stop putting all your eggs in the wrong basket. Instead, focus on what you want to the exclusion of all else. Let them come to you. Let the Universe bless you with your perfect match. You do that by becoming a match to what you want. That happens if you focus exclusively on what you want.

Meanwhile, the girl you want, who meets your every preference, will get her own impulses. She’ll be inspired to places where you are. And before you know it, you’ll find yourself in her arms. And her in yours. Need help figuring this out? Then contact me.

And feel free to read some of Kari’s writings on Medium.