It’s Season Two of The Transamorous Network. Welcome.
We’re bringing changes to our content making our material easier, more consistent and with more content variety. There are great changes coming. That’s what this post is about.
Rhythmic Changes Mean More And Better
I know. It’s been a while since we produced a show. To be honest, we had a long run of shows…over a hundred. All in a couple years.
Remy and I interviewed great guests, including a famous political operative and a famous actress.
That rhythm, frankly, couldn’t be sustained. So we took a break after all those podcast and YouTube episodes and all those Facebook Live shows. We’re taking a different approach this year.
That approach copies existing successful programs. We’ll produce somewhere between 10 and 15 episodes each season. With one season per year. This way, you get consistent content in a format you’re used to. This will help organize our episode line-up too. And Remy and I can have some down time.
Most future interviews will be in person rather than over the internet. That limits us to local area guests, unless we meet a compelling person online we must interview. We think in-person guests make the experience more interesting.
Remy’s gorgeous mug.
Another thing you’ll see is Remy doing most of the guest interviews solo. I want to be more “behind the camera”, guiding and directing, developing the organization and handling content scheduling, program editing and community networking. I’m not opposed to a transgender person taking my place in front of the camera. But for now, nothing is planned.
Remy and I will still do “between the guest” shows where she and I talk about current news, culture and a main topic we talk about. But expect Remy to be the main (solo) host.
It’s All Good News
We also are expanding our guest line up beyond transgender women and trans attracted men. Transgender men and other community members including allies and supporting organizations will be guests going forward. Including more of the LGBTQIA community in our guest representation makes sense given feedback we’ve gotten over time. Expect more variety in our guest line-up.
Remy really liked the Facebook Live program. But again, honestly, it was a lot of work every week. We may bring that show back. Maybe not.
Meantime, look for us on YouTube, the podcast and our blog later this year, likely just in time for summer.
Our Season Two guest schedule is pretty full. But we’re always interested in potential guest. So if you have anyone you think might make a good guest, let us know.
So that’s it for now. We know our content benefits many. We’re excited to keep doing that.
Whether you’re a transgender person, or someone who finds themselves trans attracted, any kind of love is available to you.
The only thing keeping you from having that is you.
What Keeps What You Want From Happening
Your stories keep you from what you want. Stories are thoughts you think frequently. You think them so often they become “just the way life is”.
“I’ll never find a partner” is a story.
“Straight men don’t like transgender women” is a story.
“There are no transgender women in my area” is a story.
“I can’t find a transgender woman who doesn’t have drama” is a story.
“I find transgender women attractive. I must be gay” is a story too.
All these stories are TRUE. You create their truth by telling them. If you believe “Straight men don’t like transgender women” then you only meet straight men who don’t like transgender women. Same is true for any other story.
Change the story and your “truth” changes too. Your reality also changes.
Everything Is Yours
You can have love you want with no effort on your part. Hard work is overrated. Especially in relationships. Digging through online profiles, going to bars and trying to find Mr. or Ms. “Right” by swiping left, right or whatever are unnecessary steps.
By relaxing, having fun and enjoying life, you don’t have to do those things. Everything you want comes easily.
A friend of my wife demonstrated this over the last two years. That she had no idea it was happening shows how easy it happens.
Following explains how the process works. After that, I’ll tell Susan’s story, which shows how the process worked for her. Along the way, I’ll clarify points you should know so you too can produce similar results.
Five Steps To Getting What You Want
Getting everything you want is easy. Here’s how:
Come to accept what you have. No matter how bad you think it may be, you have to find a way to accept it. More than that, you have to embrace it and appreciate it. That attitude makes you positively focused. Stay negatively focused – complaining, talking about or getting angry about what you have – and you get more of what you have.
Pay attention to thoughts you receive that you aren’t thinking. Often, you receive thoughts you didn’t think. They feel like intrusions in your ordinary awareness. These are messages sent by your larger self. They come as suggestions, ideas, gut feelings.
Follow the suggestion, ideas, gut feelings. Intrusive thoughts are inspirations. You’re supposed to follow them. It’s ok if you don’t, but if you do, life becomes far more interesting, spontaneous, fun and easy.
Practice being happy as often as you can. By doing so you tell your reality that you want more happy experiences. How you behave also forms a story. Being happy is a behavior. Inspiration comes more easily too when you’re happy.
Even if you don’t do these five steps, you’ll eventually end up using the process because it’s built-in to living. It literally is “life”. It just doesn’t look that way because things you want to happen takes a long time when you don’t use these steps deliberately.
Like I said, Susan is not aware of this process (Step five) yet it still worked for her. That means it can work for you. More so if used deliberately. So now, let’s overlay these steps on Susan’s experiences so you can see how they work.
It Began With A Crappy Marriage
Susan had been married many years. That marriage was crappy by Susan’s admission. Her divorce was even worse. Contentious and frustrating, it ended with her “wasband” getting the better deal. That’s because she was the “breadwinner”.
Every negative experience serves the experiencer. So, every negative experience is positive. Susan’s crappy marriage helped her figure out what she wanted.
For one, she realized she didn’t want to be in a relationship where she lived in the same house with someone else. In other words, she enjoyed living alone, having her own space, not having someone always around, but also being in relationship.
That’s good to know when looking for a partner.
All through the divorce, Susan criticized her “wasband”. She complained about the divorce process, her lawyers, his lawyers. The more she complained, the more she had to complain about.
Her ex fought her more and more. He started doing vindictive things. Like slashing her tires and manipulating ways to keep her from their dogs. Perfect examples of Step One.
From time to time Perry’s wife told Susan about this process. Like many people though Susan preferred experiential learning. She doesn’t like being told what to do. Or following advice from others. Neither does Perry’s wife. 🙄 Maybe you don’t either.
Soon Susan stopped complaining as much. She got tired of it. By the time her divorce was finished, she accepted the process. Step One: check.
Inspiration Creates Evidence of “Better”
What Susan didn’t know was, her experiences with “wasband” helped her know things she wouldn’t have known had she not gone through them.
She knew she didn’t want another marriage. She knew she wanted her autonomy. And she knew what kind of relationship she wanted: one without the intertwined aspects of traditional relationships.
It was no surprise then what happened next. A friend she knew when married turned into a boyfriend. Let’s call him Jake. Jake wasn’t a long-term perfect fit. But he was perfect for now. Meaning: he offered sexual intimacy, occasional company, friendship. Someone to hang out with, without commitment. Jake was also a known-entity. They knew each other for years. So it was easy to turn that friendship into more.
Jake was and is polyamorous. He was seeing other women. He didn’t tell Susan this until six months into their two-year relationship. Jake subscribes to a “don’t ask, don’t tell” relationship policy.
“If you don’t ask, I’m not going to tell you,” he says. Which is fine, if the other person knows this.
Susan didn’t know this. By the time she found out, she wasn’t happy about it.
She told my wife and I she didn’t want to be in an open relationship. She didn’t like feeling “second fiddle” to who-knows-how-many other women who might be in Jake’s life.
But by the time she found out, it was too late. She had feelings for Jake.
There was more to Jake than Susan realized. Jake is fiercely independent, wicked smart, adventurous and a talented agitator/activist.
“I never ask people for anything,” he recently told me over tea. “Even if I have to go to a hospital. I’ll find a way to make it myself.”
That independence spills into his relationships. Jake thrives in relationships he controls. No wonder he prefers polyamory. Multiple opportunities foster independence.
Jake’s independence tinted his relationship with Susan too. He decides when she could come over. He decides when he comes to her house. If he has a date with someone else, he is not available. In many respects, Susan’s access to Jake was at Jake’s discretion.
That worked great for Susan for a while. In time, though, she resented this. She felt the relationship was going one way: Jake’s way.
In Susan’s words recently: “I thought I’d like this non-monogamy thing a bit better if I were to participate in it fully.”
So she decided to do something. A “good for the goose” thing. What she before resisted, she now was warming up to. So much so she too sought extra partners.
One day she got an idea: a profile on OKCupid. Step two: check!
“In retrospect, I did it shortly after discovering that [Jake] had another lover…” Susan said. “It was kind of a vengeful act.”
Time went by. Susan fell in love with Jake. Jake was in love too. What Susan at first tolerated now she enjoyed. Even given the imbalance. Step One again.
She enjoyed her freedom, her autonomy. She now liked Jake having options. And she looked forward to having her own options. Men she could see occasionally and casually too.
Your reality is literally a piece of art. What are you creating? (artwork by the author)
Your Reality Is Under Your Control
You get what you’re ready for. The problem is, you’re never ready for something different than what you have, until you accept what you have. If you’re not happy with what you have, you can’t get what you want because you’re not ready for what you want. You’re complaining about what you have.
Happiness is not something that comes after getting what you want. Well, it does happen that way.
But it’s meant to be something you feel no matter what you’re experiencing. That’s because everything you experience serves your fulfillment. Yes, even what looks like negative experiences.
When you figure that out, your life is your conscious design. This unconditional happiness is your design tool kit. Because when you’re happy, no matter what you have, you are ready for having what matches how you feel.
Making Room For Even More “Better”
As Susan found herself mostly happy in her poly relationship, she made room in her life for having more of what she wanted. That created what happened next.
For a while nothing significant happened on OKC. She says she met three guys. She enjoyed meeting them.
Otherwise, She said, the process was “drudgery”. This is why we don’t support using dating websites. They can work. But they frequently don’t. In the meantime, they conjure too many negative stories (lack of acceptance). That stretches out the time it takes to get what you want. It’s far better to be happy, enjoy your life and follow your intuition. Meeting your match that way is a happy, natural and enjoyable process.
Online dating for most people isn’t happy, natural or enjoyable.
Like many people though, Susan learned to accept the drudgery. Again, Step One.
That’s when one profile “stood out,” she said. “OKC estimated 99% compatibility, and I liked his photos and what he’d written.”
She was referring to this guy Susan brought to a small gathering. Let’s call him Carl.
They had almost everything in common. They finished each others’ sentences…laughed at the same things…it was like they had been together for years.
Carl wanted a monogamous relationship from the get-go. He said so in his profile. Susan’s profile didn’t say that. But Carl liked what Susan offered so much, he compromised.
This happens a lot. Insecure people compromise their ideas because they think they need to to get what they want.
That’s never the case. But impatience is a powerful thing. As is insecurity.
When people can’t be patient, they compromise. In compromising, the path leading to what they really want lengthens. It’s not a problem because every experience is beneficial.
You’re also eternal, so you have plenty of lifetimes to get what you want. But if you exercise patience while following the process above, what you want comes faster.
Let’s take a break with a blast from the past….
Susan Finds Freedom In Openness
Welcome back. Carl’s relationship behaviors contrasted Jake’s. He wanted collaboration in relationship. While he didn’t like so much sharing Susan with others, he didn’t resist it. Not at first.
So Carl fell in love with Susan instantly, he says. And why not? She’s lovable!
Meanwhile, Jake got more controlling when he found out Susan had another lover. His insecurities, dormant while he controlled the relationship, now surfaced. This was a good thing. His insecurities invited everyone involved to become better versions of themselves.
For example, both men had toothbrushes in Susan’s bathroom. Jake’s was in the toothbrush holder. Carl’s in the drawer. Carl imagined (rightly) Susan was hiding from Jake the fact that Carl sometimes spent the night. That chafed Carl.
Carl’s feelings were petty. So were Susan’s intentions. Susan was trying to protect Jake. To keep from triggering Jake’s insecurities. That strategy backfired. It only made both men more insecure and her frustrated.
She found both men’s insecurities unattractive. But she also enjoyed it. Through something she initially didn’t like at first, Susan found empowerment and freedom and choice and options.
In other words: Everything her marriage didn’t offer.
Insecurity Boils Over
One night Carl put his foot down.
He said he wanted monogamy with Susan. That surprised her. She had been clear from day one on OKC that’s not what she wanted.
One day, Bridget reminded Susan that two years ago a monogamous relationship was exactly what she wanted.
But Susan grew happy with her current situation (being in an open relationship). That’s step one. She missed step two, but the process still worked because she followed her inspiration posting an OKCupid profile (Step three).
And now she faced a new reality. One she wanted two years ago. Carl represented a great match: intellectually, physically and more. They really liked each other too.
Susan didn’t remember wanting monogamy two years ago. And yet, here she was, getting everything she wanted. Freedom. Choice. Two good men who both loved her. And an opportunity for monogamy.
And now, one for the men:
Susan Got Everything. And Then Some. So Can You
Intrigued with Carl’s request, she told Jake. Jake got even more insecure. Angry in fact that Susan was considering a monogamous relationship with someone else. Of course, he didn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship. He wanted what he had: his cake (Susan) and the opportunity to eat other cake.
But let’s look at what Susan created. In two years her life matched every desire she wanted.
She put her marriage behind her
She found a relationship that worked immediately after the divorce
That relationship brought interesting experiences, growth, adventure
She followed her inspiration
That lead to meeting Carl, a perfect match
Now she has not only an open relationship, but an opportunity for a closed one too!
In other words, Susan was getting everything she wanted. And then some. Even though she didn’t realize what was happening.
Like we say, the process works for everyone. Even those unaware of it.
Today, Susan is negotiating the best of both worlds. She loves both Carl and Jake. Both represent different desires she’s had over two years. Both men love her. Both offer different things. In other words, Susan is enjoying her love life as it brings her plenty of pleasure, adventure, love and more.
You can have your version of the same thing: plentiful experiences where what you want comes easily. It all starts with realizing you have a larger you from which to live your life. Then finding ways that connect you to that. Being happy is the easiest.
Life doesn’t have to be hard or a struggle. Love doesn’t either. And neither is, when you follow life’s really simple process.
Transgender people are everywhere. Even in some of the smallest towns, the most conservative towns, you’ll find transgender people. No matter where you live, transgender or trans attracted, if you’re wanting to find love, it’s out there.
Yet, many such places have few services through which transgender and trans attracted people can get help navigating their identities. Sometimes, such towns can be hostile. So trans and trans attracted people may be under the radar. It might look like they’re not around. But they are.
Think You’re Alone? Think Again.
Centralia, Washington is just such town. Located thirty minutes south of Olympia Washington, Centralia is known for its unusual history being the only town in the United States founded by a black man and son to former slaves. Incredibly, his name? George Washington. True story.
Centralia Founder George Washington.
Centralia is also known for its conservatism. Like many rural American communities, it leans republican. Centralia sits in “the most conservative county in Washington” according to Zoe Oliver, a Centralia resident and LGBTQIA activist.
But Centralia is quickly gaining a name for itself as a booming LGBTQIA center in its County, thanks to a handful of organizations and individuals like Oliver.
One such organization is Centralia College. Very open and accepting of people of all kinds, Centralia College is home to the Gender and Sexuality Alliance (GSA). GSA is the longest running LGBTQIA organization in Lewis County. It advocates for broader awareness and acceptance of equality and LGBTQIA education, among other things.
Oliver attends school at the college. She also is vice president of GSA. In January, Oliver, representing the College’s Student Activities Team (SAT) asked us to have a table at their Sexual Health And Awareness Fair held in March. The ask is the first time The Transamorous Network has been invited to attend a live event.
Centralia College (Transamorous Network photo)
At first we thought to decline Oliver’s invite. It isn’t typically what we do. Knowing what we know about how life works, however, we speculated SAT’s invite represented more opportunity than downside.
We were right.
A Growing LGBTQ Community Likes Our Message
Several organizations, Pierce County AIDS Foundation (PCAF), Mpowerment, Washington, Planned Parenthood and others also staffed tables. While organizers acknowledged student attendance was lower than expected, we met important allies in our work.
Of the people who did attend, we met early-stage transitioning women and men, parents of transgender children, educators who advocate for LGBTQ equality, and allies.
Remy sitting at our set up booth. This was the first time we’ve been invited to a public event. (Transamorous Network photo)
Everyone hearing our message that “your stories create your reality” had the same response. “It makes sense” they said. Your stories create your reality, including your behaviors, relationships (or lack thereof), your entire life. They even decide who you meet, when you meet them and how.
Your stories also shape your relationship with sexual health, how you choose sexual partners, who you choose, and how you practice sex.
Our wares we offered during the event. We raffled off two copies of our guides in addition to talking with people about their stories. We were not surprised how many people agreed with our knowing that stories create your reality. (Transamorous Network photo)
We like to say sexual health is more than a condom or dental dam. It starts in the head (with your stories), not between your legs.
That’s the message we brought to the event. It was a unique message well received.
Our Message Is Getting Larger Audiences
We’re excited about what the future holds having made acquaintances in Centralia. We’re not spilling the beans, but it sounds like interesting opportunities may spring from within not only that community, but from others nearby.
Who knows? Maybe we’ll be invited to more such events. We’re always open to following leads our intuition sends us.
Us talking with students and faculty at the Centralia College Sexual Health Education Fair. We met a number of organizations we may work with in the future. (Transamorous Network Photo)
Another thing I got from being there was confirmation of what I already knew: transgender people are everywhere.
Even in the most conservative small towns, you’ll find transgender people looking for love, belonging and needing resources to navigate their lives.
And you can bet if there are transgender people, there are people who love transgender people living there too. So no matter where you live, opportunities for love for trans attracted people are available.
Want to find them? You’re going to have a hard time doing so if you believe they aren’t there. Learn to tell the right stories though and you’ll meet them as easily as putting one foot in front of the other.
Check out this short film we made about our participation at the fair. If you’re new to our material, we overview our approach in this radio interview.
I love transgender women. Because I am out and proud about this, I get emails and calls from all kinds of people (men, women, transgender women, trans men) asking all kinds of questions about their transamory.
Men have the most trouble finding reconciliation. They find transgender women beautiful, worthy of love and, frankly, irresistible. Even while realizing dating transgender women sometimes comes with extraordinary drama levels. Despite that, many of these men aren’t struggling with that. What’s difficult is reconciling their attraction with being a “normal” man.
I’m writing this story –– my story –– for those men. The following is universal. Yet it is uniquely helpful for men right now. I mean “normal” men.
I write “right now” because men face intense (self-inflicted) scrutiny. Scrutiny well deserved. This January, the American Psychological Association (APA), said traditional masculinity is sociologically harmful. “[It] stunts male’s “psychological development, constrain[s] their behavior, result[s] in gender role strain and gender role conflict and negatively influence[s] mental health and physical health”, they said.Traditional masculinity is what I call normal men.
Feminism suggests the APA’s findings originate in male awe, envy and ignorance. Feminists call this Womb Envy. That’s a term coined by German psychoanalyst Karen Horney. Normal men find awe in what they instinctively know: Every human enters life through a womb connected to a vagina. At least for now. Forgetting their part in life-creation, normal men feel insecure and envious. Their envy becomes all-consuming. Willful ignorance replaces envy, allowing the subordination of women. Normal men gain superiority this way.
The result: Masculine wholeness –– which recognizes the female in the male –– gets lost.
This is what I’m seeing in the Gillette controversy. Men’s life experience is reflecting back to them their out-of-balance-ness. Like children, some men are reacting first, to Gillette’s spot-on ad, then thinking. Or not thinking at all.
What does this have to do with loving transgender women?
A lot.
It is this acting out first then thinking, or not thinking at all, that gets a lot of men in trouble. It also gets many transgender women killed. All, believe it or not, for the sake of love.
· · ·
I realized I was transamorous in my 30s. Before that, I saw “masculinity” and “femininity” as two parts of a whole being. Sometimes I felt more feminine than masculine back then. Even though I was having sex with girls.
Sometimes I would sneak into my mom’s closet. It was an endless sea of femininity. There, I would dress in my mom’s clothes. I used her lipstick and pranced before her full length mirror, with its ornate wooden frame and chipped paint. Her lingerie particularly intrigued me.
Often these sessions would end with masturbation.
That’s how I got busted.
Mom when I was young (Photo: Gruber Family)
One day my mom called me to her room. How did she know it was me and not one of my brothers? Let’s just say it was mothers’ intuition. Otherwise I don’t know. In any case, my mom’s love trumped anything else in our little chat. She didn’t want me playing in her clothes, she said. But it was ok that I was exploring.
That could have gone a lot worse.
This was before “transgender” was a thing. I mean, it was a thing. Transgender people have always been around. But it wasn’t in the public eye as it is today with high-profile transgender models, actresses, politicians, Julia Serranos, Stef Sanjati’s.
Even it if was, I was too young to know what “transgender” was. Thinking about that time, and times today, I can imagine how it feels to be transgender. Not knowing you are transgender. Then discover the word “transgender” for the first time.
It must come with profound relief to know you’re not alone.
The same is true for men attracted to transgender women. They think they’re alone. But they are not.
When I discovered my transamory, “transamory” wasn’t a thing either. I didn’t know, for example Lou Reed had a long term relationship with a transgender woman. But I sure loved his song.
Nor did David Bowie’s gender-bending persona catch my eye.
So when I fell in love with the first transgender woman I ever saw, in a Yakuza bar in Osaka, Japan, I was blown away. Blown away by her beauty. Blown away by the circumstances. And blown away for how deep and instantaneous my attraction was.
I was in the Marines at the time. My girlfriend, who would become one of my few fiancés to never cross the threshold, took me to see her home town. She thought I’d get a kick visiting a Yakuza bar. I don’t think she knew how profound that kick would be. It kicked off what would culminate in everything I am today. That and how I tell my transamory story with recovering “normal” transamorous men looking for solace.
My ex-wife used to call me her “gay boy”. It’s true, my feminine side is well-developed. I don’t cross dress or anything like that. I do enjoy reveling in that part of me that is soft, kind, receptive and open. And yet, I do present male, although I consider myself gender neutral. I recognize the female in me as much as I do the male.
And here’s where love comes into the picture. And by that I’m referring to self-love.
Photo: Bima Mentara on Unsplash
Many of my fellow Marines weren’t as appreciative of my nature as my ex-wife was. Or my mom. It wasn’t constant, but Marines can be callous towards someone not embracing the macho, natural-born-killer persona believed to enshroud what it is to be a Marine. Of course, the occasional taunts ended once I became a Sergeant of Marines. Yet, the juxtaposition between my feminine side and my masculine side represented a crossroads back then. The path I took was embracing both. Choosing to be me, I said to hell with everyone else. After all, if I could take shit from Marines, I could take shit from anybody.
Me as a Marine circa 1982. (Photo: USMC)
In other words, I chose loving myself for all that I am. I chose that over caring what other people think about what I am. An aspect of what I am is a man who loves transgender women.
As I love myself, I love the blend that is the transgender female form. I love the struggle transgender women must go through. I love their strength. I love that they are sometimes reviled not only by men, women and society, but also by their parents sometimes. I love them because I know all these challenges make them who they are.
As my challenges made me who I am.
Today, I am no longer married to the woman who was my wife. Ours was a marriage of convenience. By that I mean, there was no better relationship for us than the one we had, which called us to become more of that which we each are are: more clear about what we want and more clear about our authenticity.
· · ·
I met my wife online. I hadn’t been successful dating transgender women. I had relationships, but the early ones reflected my own trans-attraction insecurities. My insecurity showed up in meeting transgender women who also were insecure. Insecurity is no foundation for healthy coupledom. It didn’t help that I dated in secret. In between cis-gender lovers.
Maybe that sounds familiar.
My wife and I New Years 2012 (Photo by Kyle Layser)
Insecurity transamorous men feel initially shows up in many ways. One is fear of being seen in public with the woman they find attractive. It’s an early “trans-attraction” stage of transamory. It sounds dumb, but it’s real. And it’s a step older transamorous men go through more than younger ones these days. Some younger generation transamorous men reflect their generation. Their generation accepts gender fluidity, so they do too. So they don’t experience as much insecurity.
Pro-tip non-sequitur for transgender women: Ridiculing and shaming men for being in this stage prolongs it. Want men to be proud to be with you in public? Stop shaming them.
When I met my wife, I was not intending to marry. I was open to a non-traditional relationship. Anyone I found attractive and compatible would do. Yet I entertained preference for a transgender partner. I knew, however, my insecurity wasn’t going to match me with a transgender partner of my dreams.
Today, many of my clients are having to unpack decades of being married to cis-gender women, when they knew they were trans-attracted before they got married, but didn’t own their authenticity. In some ways, I was no exception.
My wife was determined to break her streak of meeting men who were not good for her. Like me, she realized she was her problem. Not the men she dated. So we were a perfect match.
Relationships are always like that. Perfect matches.
Our marriage was a training ground. In it we were helping prepare one another for partners we eventually will have. It was our agreement.
If you’re trans-attracted or transamorous, married or not, you can’t love the object of your affection until you first love yourself. Especially if you’re married. A lot of transamorous men are married to cis-gender women. There is nothing wrong in that.
Still, if you are married, your wife knows on some level that you are different. I assure you fights between you two have a lot to do with insecurity born of that awareness.
Hardness creates more struggle. So does insecurity. Extreme cases result in death. Almost half the murders of transgender women in 2017 happen in the context of intimate relationships gone awry, according to research I’ve done online. Seems to me the sooner you embrace who you are, the better you and everyone else will be. You’ll be one less transamorous man hiding in their shame. That can prevent a murder.
It’s time more transamorous men embrace all of who they are. (Photo: Ozan Safak on Unsplash)
Men loving transgender women is normal.
Love between humans is the norm. So it is normal that a human would express love for another human. Both men and transgender women are human. So love between them is as normal as any other love.
But I would argue there is no such thing as a “normal” man.
There are all kinds of men. The Gillette controversy shows that. If you’re trying to be a normal man and think that’s ok, you’re not expressing your authenticity. You’re expressing insecurity. Your “abnormality” is the norm. Your “perversity” is the norm. Your “sin” is the norm. Abnormality, perversity and sin are words reflecting societal judgment.
Fuck that.
Your individuality is the norm. That means there’s no such thing as a normal or traditional man.
Transgender people are here to help all humanity to come to grips with the fact that to be human is to be different. There are a lot of normal men out there confronting their normalcy in light of their transamory. Some respond violently, with tragic consequences for both victim and perpetrator. Others call me, or send an email.
If you find transgender women attractive, you’re in good company. All men will find the attractive ones attractive. Until they discover that attractive woman is transgender. But that doesn’t negate their initial attraction. It only masks the attraction with shame expressed as revulsion. You’re still attracted to her.
If you find transgender women worth loving, but struggle with it, that’s ok. You don’t have to figure it all out now. You will in time. My experience is, the journey is worth it. For you, for your relationships and for the human race as a whole.
The journey is sweeter, though, after you accept what you are.
We believe transgender people and those who love them can easily and effortlessly meet one another.
It doesn’t have to be hard. It doesn’t have to be expensive. And it can be fun!
Apparently, there are a lot of people in the transgender community who would love help finding love. Maybe you’re one of them.
You love life should be fun. And easy.
With viral stories of transgender people finding their partners (mostly trans-trans relationships) those in the trans community could be lulled into thinking everything is hunky dory as far as dating-while-trans or trans-attracted is concerned.
Until one thinks of their own experience.
Even if you’re a celebrity and transgender, you’re likely to be involuntarily, chronically single.
Transgender, supermodel and still can’t find a partner. (from Google)
What about transamorous guys? Fugetdaboutit!
We’ve gotten a calls from all kinds of people, asking for help them with their love life. Cis men, cisgender women, transgender women, even transgender men have called us. There are a lot of people looking for love.
Perhaps they’re looking for you!
• • •
We’ve been thinking for some time of offering a service to help single people in the transgender community easily and effortlesslyfind their mates.
We know how frustrating it can be using online dating sites or going to bars in hopes of finding The One.
Make no mistake, those approaches can work. But it’s usually no fun. It involves a lot of heavy lifting, trial and error and, frankly, kissing a lot of frogs.
PUCKER UP SWEETHEART!
And, if you haven’t got your stories straight, those relationships tend to not work out anyway…
• • •
Long ago, Perry learned that when one person calls a company asking for something, there are usually more who have the same need, but won’t call or write.
We know there are a lot of frustrated, tentative and yearning people out there. To those people: you’re not alone. You can have the love you want.
Our Match-making service can help.
Transgender community: Finding your ideal partner can be easy…and fun!
We are so confident this works, we are offering a money-back guarantee.
That’s right! We’re so sure it works, we’re guaranteeing it.
If you’ve tried all the usual ways to find a partner, remain single, are married but find your trans-attraction undeniable, or if you are disappointed with your dating results, you might want to try a different way.
Insanity: doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.
Our Match-Making Service Can Help!
Here’s what we know:
We know your daily life is the best place to meet your ideal partner. Actually, it’s the only place. After all, even if you are swiping right, you still end up meeting…in your daily life
We also know you are constantly being offered by your Inner Being, the Universe and All That Is, everything you’re wanting (whether you believe that or not, that’s what is happening). The only reason you’re not getting it (“it” in this case being the person you’re wanting to be in relationship with) is because you are telling yourself stories which prevent you from meeting that person.
For example, we just talked with a woman last night who has the story “everyone has flaws”. Guess what kind of people she’s been meeting? Alcoholics, emotionally unavailable people, gold diggers (she’s apparently has some money).
So it’s not the unavailability of people who want to be with you that’s the problem. They are out there. And they want to be with you.
The problem is the stories you’re telling. They are creating situations where you meet people consistent with those stories.
So given these premises, here’s how our plan works:
For a reasonable monthly fee, we’ll offer fun and engaging one-hour weekly sessions in which we’ll help you examine your stories, then replace those stories with stories more consistent and supportive of what you want.
Interestingly, the evidence we’ve produced in our lives is that when you do this, not only do people start coming out of the woodwork, every other aspect of life gets better too.
The weekly sessions are casual, guided conversations where we talk with you about what’s happening in your life. It’s impossible to talk about what’s happening and not have your stories surface.
Then we will show you how to easily create new stories consistent with what you’re wanting.
Your subscription also gets you access to group sessions held frequently, so you can benefit from hearing others going through similar challenges.
After each session, you’ll be encouraged to go about your daily life. With guidance from the sessions you’ll be able to see the signs in your life experience indicating that your life is shifting.
Over time, as you get better seeing the signs and telling better stories, you will naturally and effortlessly begin having conversations you haven’t had before with people you haven’t met before.
We’ll also offer a Facebook Group or perhaps a more private group online for you to connect with your fellow group session participants outside of the one-hour sessions, share your successes and your experiences along your path.
Essentially, we’re offering a fun, super-easy opportunity to meet your ideal partner in a natural setting (your life) where you don’t have to worry about fake photos, inaccurate or misleading profiles, creepy people, gold diggers or the inevitable yucky feeling that comes along with online dating, or going to bars or happy hours.
And, in the process the rest of your life will get better too.
And we guarantee it. So you really have nothing to lose.
So how much might this cost?
Less than a single, average counseling session. A The Transamorous Network membership is $200 a month for transgender women and $250 a month for men. You get one session a week, recorded sessions for playback later and you can text us on limited basis whenever you need further assistance.
Subscribe to the service. Click the button below to subscribe securely through PayPal. Select the right drop down. The selected amount will be billed to you every 30 days thereafter until you cancel your subscription.
Once this step is complete, you’ll be redirected to a page where you can schedule your 1:1 session.
