Why Transgender And Trans-Attracted Love Is Powerful

We’ve said over and over that transgender woman and trans-attracted men potentially change the world for the better. We’ve also said how each transgender woman is special and mentioned the special role they play.

It’s likely no surprise to some transgender women that this is so. After all, early civilizations venerated trans people, saw them as more than ordinary humans and treated them as such.

But looking at how transgender women carry themselves in the world today, how they think about themselves, how they think about men who find them attractive, you’d think (mostly correctly) that many transgender women today don’t venerate themselves.

We created The Transamorous Network to help change that.

You don’t get it…until you do

It took our podcast co-host Remy a single tea date and reading our guides to get who she was. Two years later, she changed her life. She went from believing all men are scum to living her life powerfully, including drawing to her a man who moved across the country to marry her.

Today, more than two years later, they’re still married.

In the seed of every transgender woman a powerful, world-changing being lurks. Same is so for trans-attracted men.

But feeling shameful or insecure about being different or fearing what others think about your difference generates experiences counter to who transgender women and trans-attracted men really are. So too when trans women try extracting positive compliments from others, such as “passable/not passable?” or “fuckable/not fuckable?”

Such playful-seeming actions on the part of transgender women mask insecurity. No one who loves themselves cares about what others think about them.

Recently, Tiffany, a Transamorous Network 1:1 client asked about this “specialness”. She wanted more about how transgender women, and by extension, trans-attracted men, are special, world changers, here to help humanity become more and better by themselves living their authenticity.

Here’s how that conversation went.

Words shared in this conversation mean little. But when life shows a transgender woman or a trans-attracted man these word’s accuracy, then the person hearing them, and experiencing life consistent with them, becomes absolutely convinced they are world-leaders here for a big purpose.

And along with that purpose comes the potential to fulfill every desire.

Positive stories will prove life convincing

But unless a transgender woman or trans-attracted man has personal experiences in their own lives like Transamorous Network clients, or like Remy has had, it’s hard to believe.

It’s only hard to believe because each person creates reality consistent with stories they tell. If, for example, a transgender woman believes they aren’t worthy of being loved by a man, or if a man believes he can’t find a trans woman who will love him for who he is…then both create realities consistent with those beliefs.

A transgender woman on Facebook complaining via her negative stories about men (and another transgender woman endorsing this story). It’s no wonder she struggles finding a man. The stories she tells aren’t consistent with what she wants.

Standing in those realities, I get why transgender women complain, bicker, call all men fetishizers, closeted gays or worse. I also understand why men seeking transgender women call the objects of their affection skeezers, gold-diggers, drama queens or worse.

Such labels spring from knee-jerk reactions indicating displeasure with realities each person is creating. The problem though is a person can’t change a reality they’re constantly complaining about.

It’s easy to get what you want

Getting what you want is supposed to be effortless, fun and guaranteed. Who stands between you and getting what you want? No one but you. So getting what you want is as easy as getting out of your own way and letting it happen.

It’s the “letting it happen” that’s hard. Most people aren’t willing to do that. Most want to “make it happen”, which is why so many people are dating online. They don’t believe life can lead them directly to their lover, so they get in there and try to do it.

Or they’re too impatient. They tell stories about running out of time, being too old, or worse – that they are beyond an age where they’re still attractive.

That’s why so many relationships suck. People push against what should be easy, thus making it really hard.

Letting it happen doesn’t mean sitting on your ass and waiting for that man or woman to come to you, although some waiting is required. Letting it happens means learning how “letting it happen” works, then stepping into one’s power, and using levers everyone comes equipped with to create a reality of one’s choosing.

Then everything happens in magical ways. Only it’s not magic.

Transgender women and trans-attracted men are on the forward edge of what it is to be human. It sucks being trans or trans-attracted when you don’t know that, and don’t own it.

Own it though and the world becomes your oyster.

Transgender and Trans-Attracted: This Creates Better Futures

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

As Transamorous Network clients get how important their stories are, they also learn something crucial for living amazing lives: how to identify intrusive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are ideas popping up seeming unbidden. They are intuitions which, if followed, lead to everything someone wants.

But if a person doesn’t know how to tune themselves to intrusive thoughts, or they don’t understand where intrusive thoughts come from, life can get pretty crazy, including dating life. That crazy is where “drama” in relationships comes from.

Here’s how to put a stop to that and meet the guy or transgender woman you want.

Intrusive thoughts come from somewhere

Where intrusive thoughts come from is important, because if you don’t know where they’re coming from and you follow them, they could create experiences you don’t want, including drama.

Everyone creates their reality. Most people get a little of what they want and a lot of what they don’t. That’s because they don’t understand what you’re reading.

For example, a trans-attracted man who feels shame about his trans attraction will encounter realities in which the only transgender women he meets match his shame.

They (the transgender women) will be users, or they’ll consider him shady or a “chaser”. They themselves will be insecure and shame-filled (i.e. feeling unworthy) thereby perfectly matching the man’s feelings about himself.

In this humorous clip, a transgender woman gets an earful in her session as we talk (for the first time) about intrusive thoughts. It’s worth listening to because she gets several insights at once, all in less than five minutes.

Everyone is a match

This is why I’m not so interested in meeting transgender women right now. Because while I’m far beyond soothing negative stories that create shame, I want far more in my relationship than an average experience.

I want an extraordinary experience. Having that means I must be a match to it. I must, in other words, become extraordinary myself.

Everyone showing up in our lives matches stories we’re telling ourselves. Those stories determine what impulses, what intrusive thoughts come into our awareness. Our emotions help us know whether to follow an intrusive thought or not. So knowing how one feels is really important.

I know two things tell me how my life is going: what shows up in life now and how I feel.

Paying attention to that helps me understand what intrusive thoughts are coming and whether or not I want to follow them. Following those consistent with my positive stories is creating an increasingly amazing life.

It can work that way for you too.

Transgender Women: Meet Your Amazing Man: Don’t Do This!”

Photo by Jens Lindner on Unsplash

Nothing convinces better than life experience. That’s why I show transgender people and trans-attracted and transamorous men how to create in their lives proof that their stories can fulfill any desire imaginable. Including meeting amazing romantic partners.

But if YOU want to meet your amazing romantic partner, you gotta stop doing what so many other women do.

I have several transgender clients creating living proof that stories create reality. Gradually, their dreams flow into their lives with less and less effort. They’re happy, sure, eager about life and eager about meeting their matches. Like “Nadia” here:

Then there are others…

Occasionally however, I talk with transgender women who are not clients. I share the same stuff I tell my clients. What’s crazy is even though my clients’ lives offer a metric shit-ton of evidence of their dreams becoming real, these transgender women just don’t get it.

But I do.

Not being a Transamorous Network client, it’s hard (but not impossible) to understand your stories about reality create your reality. It’s way easer defending your limiting stories, which in turn limit your life. Like this transgender woman recently did while talking with me on Facebook:

A transgender woman vigorously defending her limiting beliefs with stories detailing what she doesn’t want, instead of what she wants. That’s a problem.

I’m not trans, but I have personal experience helping trans and non-trans people create fun, fulfilling lives. Everyone I work with gets lives filled with everything they want

So when I adamantly say “transgender women can have any future they imagine, and any kind of partner they want,” I mean it. 😌

He’s looking for you. Are you looking in the right places? (Photo by Tamarcus Brown on Unsplash)

Stand in the truth you want to live

Of course, many people know what they want. But most don’t know how to easily get it. Instead they do what others are doing, or what they’ve always done. Like the transgender woman above, when they get results consistent with what others get (results that suck), they get upset, frustrated and rant about what they’re getting. All the while not realizing their frustration exists for a reason.

Any experience a person has is valid. That doesn’t mean it’s the Truth with a capital T, or that their experience is an objective fact. There is no one Truth and there are no objective facts.

For example, many, many transgender women think all men are pieces of shit, want to bottom and fetishize transgender women for their penises.

Two transgender women commiserating over their truths. What is the price they pay for living this truth? Easy: no relationships, or relationships that suck.

SOME men may be this way, sure. And for transgender women who tell such stories, that’s pretty much the only men they meet. So of course, it’s TRUE that SOME men are this way.

But does standing in stories complaining about and commiserating over such men give you what you want? It clearly doesn’t, right?

Is standing in that truth really worth not getting what you want…especially when a better truth exists were you CAN get what you want?

I don’t think so.

Most people don’t know how to easily get what they want

Instead of looking forward to what one wants and talking about that, most people, transgender, trans-attracted or even plain ol’ cis, will complain about what they’re getting. They’ll complain to whoever will listen, and plenty of people exist who will not only listen, but add their own complaints in the mix.

That’s a definite no-no for both parties because in doing that, neither party helps the other get what they want.

One trans woman seeks confirmation of her story…
And another gives it, thereby reinforcing the unwanted story for herself and her friend. If you want that amazing guy STOP DOING THIS.

It’s fun when a person understands life always shows one what stories are creating what realities. Only people who understand this though can do something about it thereby fulfilling their desires.

But since most people don’t understand this, they don’t know what to do that’s different. They keep doing the same thing over and over, or do things others are doing, thinking just because others are doing it, it will work for them. 🙄

Life is on everyone’s side

What I know is, life is 100 percent faithful to everyone. It is ALWAYS on every person’s side, showing them the sum total of what stories they’re telling. Life gives them plenty of early warning too, so a person understanding this can change a reality well before it becomes…well…reality.

Life is helping the transgender women in these examples above. But they don’t understand how. So they keep doing what they’re doing and getting what they give the most air-time to: opportunity to complain about men who treat them consistent with their stories.

If you, dear reader, want a different (better) love life, or anything else in your life, you must try a better way.

Impatience is not your friend…well…it is, kinda

People (and transpeople particularly) have a distorted perspective relative to results and time. Before any significant time passes they’re impatient and wondering why they’re not getting what they want.

The transgender woman above complains about what she’s getting or rather what she’s not getting, even though she’s only been dating for 12 months. But twelve months is a blink of an eye in universal terms! And yet, people think that’s a long time, then lose their shit when what they want hasn’t come by then.

That’s lunacy!

Looks are nice, but you’re wanting more than that, I promise. But none of what you want will come easily if you’re impatient. (Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash)

Life will give anyone what they want, but when a person gets impatient about it, it can’t happen. Why? Because feeling “impatient” tells you you’re giving more air-time to your complaint than your desire. And wherever you put your attention, you get more of that. In this case, putting your attention on having no relationship gives you exactly that: no relationship!

You don’t need options

Men and women think having a selection is a good thing. That’s why so many people are on dating sites. But the Universe will give you exactly what you want without you having to search or select.

You don’t need a “pool” of men. Thinking you need a selection means you don’t believe the Universe and life is on your side. You’re trying to do what life will do for you. And it will do it far easier than if you do it.

That’s why it’s so hard finding a partner, trans girl. Stop trying to do the Universe’s job.

You only need one man (if that’s what you want): that one amazing guy. But if you think you need to find him, or select him from a pool, you’re barking up the wrong tree (to mix metaphors LOL).

This bears repeating: The more you complain about the men you don’t want, the more you’re going to connect with that kind of man. Wanting that amazing man in your life means focusing on him. Not on the men you’re meeting who aren’t that.

It’s no wonder so many trans women have similar dating experiences. Most do the same things, get the same results then complain to each other about what they get.

Don’t be those women. Instead, tell stories about the man you want. Revel in the wonderful things going on in your life. Stay away from transgender women who complain. Then watch how life easily gives you what you want.

This may be hard to hear: It’s not the men that are the problem. It’s how you’re going about getting what you want. Change that up and see what happens.

Your Trans Attraction Is Never An “Addiction”

The Transamorous Network
The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our Transamorous Network readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

I’m in a straight relationship with my partner, although I found out I was attracted to “trans” before we got together. I told her in the early stages of our relationship and it was almost laughed off and dismissed.

Unfortunately, I went behind my partner’s back on one or two occasions years into the relationship and it confirmed my “fetish” with trans women. I didn’t want to enjoy it but I found out I loved it. It was exciting, different and turned me on but it was just fun.

My partner did find out and I came clean, we had counseling and she came around. I completely love my partner 100 percent, but desires took hold and I lost complete control of myself and my emotions.

In the end, she came with me to meet a trans woman and enjoyed watching me have fun. She knows I am completely in love and committed to her in a daily and family life and has accepted who I am, what I like and we can now be completely open without lies or deceit.

I am very lucky to be able to be myself, I am able to have an intimate relationship with my partner who is absolutely amazing and also satisfy my desires.

I think the best way to understand a person who is attracted to trans is to go with them and see what it’s all about. In doing so, people may see what it is for real rather, than what they think it might be in their heads, which makes more out of it than there needs to be.

For men, and speaking for myself, sex is just sex. A realease of the stresses of day to day life and a time out to enjoy some variety.

I hope any partners of “trans addicts” reading this can look at it from a different angle and realize that it’s not the end of the world. [It] is in no way your fault and you have no inadequacies.

People can’t be put in boxes and conform to expected social norms, we’re human, not robots.

Jason.

Hey Jason,

The most important thing you’ve talked about is the relief you feel and the willing acceptance your partner now experiences. Congratulations for finding that. Just a couple more perspectives we want to offer, mainly for others who might read your comment.

An entire industry surrounds the word “addiction”. Lots of money goes back and forth as people contend with what they think that word describes.

Desires are good. They are not “addictions”. Attraction is good. It is not an “addiction”. Love is good too and it is not restricted to just one person.

It’s great you love your partner and are committed to them. But that doesn’t mean you couldn’t experience that same love and commitment with a transgender woman. Often, men think that’s not possible because they are caught up in their “fantasy”, which is really just a future reality they can’t have, because they don’t believe having it is possible. It is possible, but many men don’t believe it is. So they don’t experience that.

Choosing obligation over joy

We’re going to presume your partner feels better about your attraction because they now see it doesn’t threaten what they get from you being in their life. Maybe they were telling stories about you leaving, what that would mean to them and others involved, and the havoc they think that would create. Such stories can be tremendously painful. That’s obvious in some of the comments in this thread. Now that these have been soothed in your partner (through counseling) they no longer cause your partner discomfort that comes with telling such stories. Again, that’s a good thing.

And yet, men (and women) often get themselves into situations that are hard to get out of. Their stories about life, children, family, societal obligations and more keep them in situations, even though some (not all) may not want to continue in them. We’re not saying this is you Jason, or your partner.

We’re saying many men and women in similar situations (with wives and families) feel a righteous obligation to remaining in these situations because society, family upbringing and other “authorities” have convinced them not to “go against” what they’ve learned.

Some people are uncomfortable or unfamiliar with the adventure, the joy and that “what’s next!” of creating life experience. They’re unaware that they can have any life they want. So they settle into lives of stability, adherence and compliance because the rambunctious life-as-their-creation, that they came to have, feels so foreign. We’re not denigrating such decisions. They can impede, however, the natural, wholesome desire-for-more that is inherent in all consciousness. Trans attraction is a dimension of this.

Sounds like you and your partner found enough relief in balancing your attraction and your desire to stay in your situation so you can stay there AND be happy. That’s good.

Sex isn’t just sex

Although it can be seen as release, it is much more than that, and to call it “just sex” significantly diminishes its wonder and meaning. But again, if you find “release” in it, go for it, because that feeling is crucial to getting what you want. Whether you call it “relief” or “release” those emotions mean something important. Feeling them is even more important.

Back to “addicts”: That’s a significant, negative and loaded word for what really is a natural, wholesome desire. The reason trans-desire feels so strong, sometimes compellingly so, is because the desire itself, and the joy derived in its fulfillment, is something you know, at the core of who you are, will fulfill an aspect of who you are.

In doing so, in fulfilling it, you also transform, inform and altogether make worldly experience more enjoyable for those with whom you come into contact with. You’ll also expand the nature of what it means to be human. All these are worthy results of pursuing desires. And they line up with what everyone comes into the world to experience: desire fulfillment.

Every desire is meant to be (and is) fulfilled.

We do not encourage trans-attracted people to see their attraction as anything less than that: a wholesome desire wanting to be fulfilled. For in its fulfillment will emerge wonderful more, joy, fun and happiness for all involved. All that happens, but that doesn’t mean everyone involved will experience it.

As we say everywhere in our content: stories are powerful. They can block what is really happening. That’s always temporary though. The pain and anguish expressed by ex wives whose ex-husbands owned their trans-attraction and thus divorced them, doesn’t have to be these people’s reality.

We know it’s hard knowing that when you’re in the thick of the suffering. But suffering doesn’t mean the joy is not available. It’s just that joy isn’t one’s experience when one tells stories that are not aligned with joy.

How To Be Transgender And Have It all

The Transamorous Network
The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we share emails we get at The Transamorous Network. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy.

Dear Transamorous Network,

We’ve messaged a few times via email and had a couple stories published to The Transamorous Network website. My confidence has been doing great, I’ve really learned to love my body and accept the men that love my body too. It has done wonders for my day to day life and self image, I feel so at home and happy in my body.

Recently I was in my best friends wedding, and I discovered the groom outed me to his groomsmen prior to the wedding so that they wouldn’t make any passes on me. I didn’t find this out until after, but it makes a lot of sense now that I look back at it.

[The groomsmen] were very stand offish and distant towards me, would hardly make eye contact when trying to talk to them, but there were moments I would catch them definitely checking me out, in which they would look away as soon as I’d notice.

I’m 25, pass as cis and get told I’m pretty. All of my friends around me are off getting married, moving in with their significant others, having families etc. I want marriage and babies more than anything, and I try so hard to remain positive and optimistic.

But I feel like I’m still stuck in this place where I’m forbidden fruit, as seen by what happened in recent events. Online dating is horrible by I still try, but when it comes to real life situations I’m almost always overlooked because other men will out me to their friends and won’t let them decide for themselves whether they’re into me or not.

It sets the standard of “oh I can look but I can’t touch (because heaven forbid people think I’m gay)” It’s like I automatically come with a warning label.

I wish this attitude towards trans women wasn’t perpetuated, it makes me feel like I’m never going to have the life that I want because things like this keep happening which leave me feeling discouraged. I know everyone’s timeline is different, but I don’t want to be starting a family at 40 or older.

I’m trying to remain positive and not feel defeated, this is just a small bump in the road and I will move on from it. How should I go about situations like this in the future?

Best,
Janice

Hi Janice!
Nice to hear from you. Glad to hear your confidence is doing great. It’s easy having confidence when you see your life match positive stories you’re telling. There’s nothing contrary to the premise that your stories create your reality. Your life MUST match ANY story you tell. So why not tell positive ones?

All that said, you’ve got some problems with your stories! LOL.

The first two lines of your email are great. But most of the rest you wrote tells us you still have strong stories creating realities you don’t like. One of the last lines of your email is really important because thinking it, and writing it, makes it almost certain you WILL start a family at age 40!

You must change all these stories. When you do, you’ll find yourself experiencing none of what you wrote here, and more of what you want.

If you “feel” like you’re “forbidden fruit” then you get a reality matching that. If your online dating experience sucks, that should be telling you something…

You’ve already experienced the accuracy of what we share though The Transamorous Network. You’re feeling “confident”, you learned to “love your body” and you’re accepting men who love your body the way it is.

You’re seeing how that’s working “wonders” for your day to day self image and you feel “at home and happy in your body”. You also say you pass as cis and are told you’re pretty. You should accentuate these stories and stop talking (and thinking) about everything else in the email you wrote.

How to get everything you want: Ignore reality

When something like what happened at that wedding happens, you must IGNORE it. Putting your attention on it just brings you more of that.

Instead, make up other reasons about why those men were stand-off -ish. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s true or not, it matters that it changes your attitude about what happened.

You want to feel as positive about that experience as you do about how confident, passable and comfortable in your body you are. Then, if you hold to that feeling, you will see your dating situation match that feeling.

We would not use online dating to meet guys. It’s too easy to create negative stories about meeting your mate that way. Besides, it’s more fun this way.

Also…you’re still REALLY young. You have plenty of time. But thinking you don’t is problematic. You tighten up, get anxious, then try to “find” the guy you’re to be married with. The problem with that approach is, YOU CAN’T FIND HIM.

So stop trying. Let go. Have fun. Make up positive reasons for why men don’t approach you. Celebrate those reasons. Then watch what happens! You will have it all!

TTN