That Horrible Trans-Attraction “Fetish” 😱

Photo by Lorna Scubelek on Unsplash

Someone sent the following response to a Medium article of ours:

“If you are attracted to transwomen because they are transwomen, That is a fetish,” The person wrote. “Just like if you are attracted to women because they are Asian or Black, if you are White. Not something to be proud of. You’re just being shallow.”

This person went on:

“If you are attracted to women and it doesn’t matter if she is a transwomen, there is nothing to be shamed of. Really, in modern times, I don’t think there is a form of sexual attraction anyone should be ashamed of except when it isn’t towards an human adult.”

Except any sexual attraction this person considers a fetish, apparently.

If your skin color looks like Tom Ellis‘ from the show Lucifer, and you think women who look like Ellis’ South African co-star Lesley-Ann Brandt are sexually attractive, you’re a fetishizer. You mustn’t be proud of that attraction. Even if you genuinely feel attraction to such surface features at first.

That’s what this person says. But is that accurate? Or is more going on here?

There’s more going on

While this person’s comment seems sensical and worthy of agreement, I think it merits further scrutiny. Yet I know many people, especially transgender women on the receiving end of trans-attracted men’s attention, will wholeheartedly agree with it.

That’s because a LOT of transgender women struggle in the self-acceptance department. And, of course, such women’s stories create their reality. No one gets around that.

So men they’ll meet will reflect “lack of self-acceptance” back to such women. A transgender woman unwilling to accept her status as transgender and enjoy that part of her, will create realities showing her resistance to “what is”: the material actuality of who and what she is as trans.

Certainly, a transgender woman is more than transgender. But resisting that material actuality resists what is. And when that happens, the resister will create material actuality reflecting back this unharmonious inner/outer reality.

That material actuality, includes men she meets.

Self-acceptance, for the trans and trans-attracted is key to love you want and deserve. And the most important story to accept is about accepting yourself.

The dilemma of living stealth

Every transwoman who wants to “live stealth” deals with such stories. Even if only slightly. For “stealth” means being seen and accepted as cisgender, which is not what a transperson is.

Certainly excellent reasons drive a trans person to wanting to live stealth. As this Wikipedia entry describes, living stealth can increase one’s self dignity. A person may feel they live fully in their gender when living stealth. They might feel safer too. So living stealth can soothe a lot of resistance. Living stealth also can cause anxiety associated with being discovered as not being cisgender.

That aside, all those excellent reasons – dignity, full access to one’s gender and safety – are states of being. A transgender woman can attain such states without “passing” at all. Let alone living stealth.

I encourage any transgender woman who doesn’t believe this to schedule a free 1:1 and find out. Most people though, generally, look to external reality to confirm, and in some cases create, their internal reality. So I get why so many trans women see passing and stealth as ultimate achievements.

The problem comes when reality hits that ideal. When anyone stands outside of what they want, feeling inadequate, not good enough, unsatisfied and anxious stands alongside them. Those feelings will create realities revealing inconsistencies in who one is being.

Everyone is perfect as they are, moving towards greater perfection. Hear the self-acceptance in that? But who one is being when not accepting oneself as they are now, can’t abide with who one is. The reason life reflects this disharmony is so one can do something about it.

Anytime one feels any less than positive emotion, that feeling indicates disharmony. Emotions such as hopeful, joy, freedom, appreciation, love, positive expectation and eagerness indicate internal harmony.

Perfect matches everywhere

Not standing in such positive emotions, again, creates life experiences matching that. The same holds true for trans-attracted men. Many such men don’t stand in those positive emotions because they don’t accept who they are either. They wonder if trans-attraction means “I am gay” (nope). They fear what friends will think. If married, they worry about wifey finding out.

Doesn’t it make sense then, that these two people – the insecure transgender woman and the insecure trans-attracted man – would find one another? Each perfectly matches the other in their beliefs. And beliefs or stories create reality, including relationship realities.

But if either party judges the other they match with as undesirable, then no progress happens.

Say, for example, the transgender woman harshly rebukes the man’s attention as “chaser behavior”. To the Universe she’s saying more loudly than anything else “I don’t accept myself as acceptable so this man who is attracted to me, can’t be for any other reason other than that which I don’t accept about myself”.

In reply to such stories, the Universe says: “Great. Have some more of this kind of man. Until you figure out how to accept what you are.”

In other words, non-self-acceptance is a tough place from which to find love. For in not loving oneself, how can one find love in another?

“But I can’t accept what I am.” Someone may say.

I assert that that someone already did accept it. They’re here as they are because they accepted that before coming here. And they did so for a metric shit ton of good reasons.

The best contribution you can make is by realizing you chose to come into the world as you are, accept it and get on with giving the world the benefit of that. We show you how to do that at The Transamorous Network.

How matches happen

Starting to see how a person attracted to a transgender woman, because she is trans, might not be a fetish? Far deeper explanations exist.

A person attracted to a trans woman because of her trans-ness gets there partly because he is part of that woman’s reality, showing her what she must know to get what she wants (self-acceptance). Another side of the story exists, of course, because both parties co-create the rendezvous.

A trans-attracted man in the “chaser” stage is trying to figure his shit out. He comes with pre-agreement about his trans-attraction just like the trans woman. While his path looks different, it’s actually the same. Mainly, he must accept what and who he is to get what he wants.

But, just like a guy who first discovers girls will chase girls for the “pune-tang”. The chaser-stage, trans-attracted man is like a dog in heat. Maybe he discovered his attraction through porn or a documentary or social media. Either way, he’s excited and intrigued. Hooked.

But he also doesn’t know anything about his object of affection. So he’s going to stumble. He will likely also question his own sexuality. He may even question his gender. That might trigger all kinds of self-acceptance issues. Especially if this guy, like many people, thinks what others think about him carries any importance.

It doesn’t of course, but most people think it does.

So now this guy faces a quandary. He found something he wants, but it causes non-acceptance in him. Getting what he wants requires that he accept what he is. But, just like the transgender woman who lives on the same “story level”, he can’t accept that he might be gay. He also can’t not pursue his attraction.

So he pursues, steeped in insecurity. His insecurity flows from him like radar. That “pinging” gets “heard” by those transgender women – and only those transgender women – on the same radar “frequency”. In other words, insecure ones.

Getting the love wanted requires putting out what you’re wanting. When you’re steeped in self-acceptance issues, you’re not doing that. Relationships you find while standing there help show you that.

An exceptional life awaits

What do you think happens next?

That’s right. The two match. So they meet.

What happens next depends on what moves each party makes. At The Transamorous Network, we show trans and trans-attracted people how to make moves leading to more positive emotions. Emotions such as hopeful, joy, freedom, appreciation, love, positive expectation and eagerness.

Why?

Because when one stands in those, one’s radar puts out signals which attract people standing similarly. Each client approaches dating happy. So better matches get made.

“Fetish” doesn’t apply to any situation. Especially when those using that word intend to demean the fetishizer or the fetishizing. Underneath surface appearances, a great and eternal dance roils. Huge forces swirl around these encounters, all of which flow from who one “bees” (as in being) at any moment.

So if someone wants to meet someone who wants them for who and what they are, that person must first stand in profound self-acceptance. Anything less will bring relationships showing why that relationship won’t satisfy in the long term. Hardly any relationships come meaning to stay because nearly all of us are works in progress.

We constantly get better, improve, change, become more. And perhaps the greatest challenge for humans lies beneath those words. We are constant, changing beings. Always moving forward. But accepting that in a world unwilling to accept people as constantly changing, becoming-more, eternal entities, can be tough.

That’s why we’re here. We help people figure this out. When they do, they become an exception. And in that, their lives become exceptional.

The Best Dating Results Pop Out Of Great Stories

Some people scoff at the idea that people create their life through stories they tell about life. Transamorous Network clients don’t scoff though. Because in a very short time, in some cases immediately, clients discover stories do, indeed create reality.

Once they see evidence, clients want results consistent with what they want. They start small usually. While going after little things in life – feeling better about being single, for example – other things happen too. These other things surprise and delight the client. No wonder then that clients get more hopeful about life.

Maybe, just maybe, they start thinking, life is on their side. Maybe life can be fun, easy and filled with self-fulfilling desires. Perhaps seeing that partner they want come to them isn’t as far fetched as they thought, they think.

In that hopefulness, clients ease into lives they meant for themselves. Lives filled with joy and optimism, hopefulness and eager anticipation.

There, they realize they deserve what they want. And the Universe agrees, then helps them get everything they want and more.

In time, and the length is different for each client, clients come to sessions to revel in the joy, not fix problems. From there, sessions get really fun.

It’s not counseling or therapy

Since no upper limit exists about what someone can get or how good they feel, sessions always contain moments where greater fine tuning happens. But most sessions involve sharing stories – real life examples – where desires just happen in client’s lives. They marvel, surprised that life gets better and better and better.

Then it’s no wonder clients keep coming back. Why wouldn’t they?

Where else in their lives do they find unconditional acceptance and encouragement for everything they want? Does anyplace else exist in their life where people come feeling good, anticipating a wonderful hour, then leave feeling even better, having amplified their feeling good?

Where else in life can a person learn how to see their life giving them everything they want? Then return to their life and see more of that with their own two eyes?

I know the answer: hardly anywhere else.

Some people ask me if this is therapy or counseling. No, it isn’t therapy. It isn’t counseling either.

Clients don’t learn skills about getting people to treat them better. They don’t go back into their childhoods, try to unpack “traumas” or fix things “broken” about them.

They also don’t heal anything because nothing needs healing.

Life is spiritual made physical

The biggest difference between what we do and counseling and therapy is, we come from a knowing the medical and mental health spaces rarely acknowledge, let alone know exists. That knowing says, people are eternal beings here to create the world of their choosing. They enjoy access to the entire power of the Universe, because that’s what they are.

We show people how that power works, then how to leverage it to turn dreams into reality. Dreams are as real as physical matter. We show clients how to make those dreams physical. Including getting that lover they want trans, or trans-attracted. Just a few simple fundamentals makes it work. From there life is fun. Just like this client describes:

What we do works for anyone. But some won’t find it fits their world view. It doesn’t fit because their world view makes it that way. We know a lot of people live life from such world views.

That’s why for those people, including those who are trans or trans-attracted, fail to find love, satisfaction and freedom from self-loathing, shame, insecurity and loneliness. It’s not the world that’s wrong. Nor is it the men they want. Or the women. it’s their world views. In other words, the thoughts they think about the world around them. The world they are creating.

Great results pop out of stories aligned with what one wants. A few basic fundamentals makes that so. Then results consistently happen so consistently, you’d wonder why you didn’t know the fundame to start.

But you did know them. You’ve just forgotten. Don’t you think it’s time you remember?

Trans Women: This One Thing Creates Happy Love

Photo by Denise Jones on Unsplash

A transgender woman who discovered The Transamorous Network on Medium followed our content. Then, just a couple days later, stopped following us after a brief exchange with me.

She wasn’t happy hearing she creates her reality through stories she’s telling. Instead, she wants to blame men, society…anyone other than herself.

I get it.

It’s challenging getting what I share because it requires owning the indisputable fact that everyone creates experiences in their lives. But once it clicks and a person sees how their experiences stem from their stories, it all starts making sense.

Then life gets really fun. Because the only one who can effect your life experience is you. In other words: You and only you create your world. That’s powerful knowing.

It’s not easy for people to accept that they create lives they experience. But no on else does it and it’s certainly not random. But once someone sees how it happens, then takes control of that, life gets really fun. (Photo by Engin Akyurt on Unsplash)

Results a person gets on the way to getting what they’re after indicate what they believe about what they’re after. It’s great knowing that too.

Because armed with that knowledge, results help shape beliefs more aligned with what one wants. Deliberately using this process, seeing it work the way it does, makes life fun. It also makes getting what you want really easy.

Nearly all my clients come thinking they want what they want. But when we examine beliefs they have about what they want, and about other things related to that (and not related), they see how, actually, contrary their beliefs are to what they want.

Why people give up dreams

Putting it plain: everyone’s life springs from what they say, think and believe about life. No one experiences something not in accord with their beliefs. That’s accurate for finding lost keys, enjoying ideal careers, changing personal characteristics, having a political system that’s fair and just…and having love however that looks.

Nearly everyone thinks they think consistent with what they want. But I assure you if that were true, dating sites, for example, wouldn’t be a thing. The only reason so many of us humans give up on our dreams, including dream lovers, is because we don’t understand what we’re doing that squashes those dreams.

I share the below screen shots a lot. The reason why: they show to a “T” how transgender women (and trans-attracted men) squash their dream relationships:

A trans woman vigorously defending her limiting beliefs.

The same mistake over and over

The transgender women in those screen shots are doubling down on “evidence” they THINK tells them it’s the world “out there” creating circumstances that frustrate, confound and annoy them. It’s the men they meet, they say, who are to blame. Or it’s some other factor beyond their control.

In reality, it’s the doubling down on those beliefs that’s the problem. That’s why transgender women who say such things feel so bad when they say them.

They keep repeating the same mistake, rolling out all the evidence they think confirms what they think is the reason they can’t meet the man. They don’t realize that the reason they can’t meet the man is because they keep focusing on all the men they’ve met who have come and gone, men who are NOT the man, men who match and reflect stories they have – about themselves, about men, generally, about these men specifically, about dating, about what they want and whether they believe getting that is possible. These beliefs keep them from getting what they want.

The same thing is happening for trans-attracted men.

When you know what you’re really thinking, then your life gets easy. In the “easy” life gets fun too! (Photo by Simon Migaj on Unsplash)

Be the evidence

You just can’t get what you want when you’re telling stories all the time about what you don’t want. That’s what transwomen do when they say “I’ve been online dating for XX years and have contacted XX hundred men and…blah, blah, blah.”

Life doesn’t work that way.

My own life shows how accurate “the work” is. I write about my results every week on Positively Focused and here on The Transamorous Network. My life experience contains a ton of evidence how this works.

Don’t rely on evidence I produced though. Create your own. Be the evidence you want to see.

So it’s not about being “picky” about the men you want. It’s about what you think about the men you want, what you think about the men (or transgender women) you had, what you think about YOU.

What you think about what you think you deserve says a lot. How do you feel about being trans? That matters. How do you feel about life in general? That matters too.

Each of us comes into the world ready to create whatever life would thrill us. Transpeople especially.

Stories that have you feeling shame about yourself aren’t stories you wanna tell. They work against everything you’re wanting. (Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash)

You already knew this

But transpeople and trans-attracted people bring something more: an extraordinary ability to influence all of humanity. Because that which humanity comes from knows “trans”, as a phenomena, is a response to humanity wanting to know more about its potential.

But that “wanting to know” and the potential both are oppressed by bogus collective beliefs humans have about life, gender and a bunch of other things. You can see this by how resistant humans are to real progress and things that confront their beliefs.

Like many people, transgender people get kinda lost. They forget what I’m sharing with you although they knew it before they “incarnated”. Then they get insecure, begin thinking they’re unworthy, and in so doing, lose their influence.

Then they end up in various states of anxiety, frustration, worry, insecurity…the list goes on.

Some don’t stick around, chosing instead to pass back into nonphysical, the place from where they came, where we all come from, through what society calls “suicide”.

That is another bogus belief because every death is chosen, making all deaths suicides. Humans find that very hard to accept too. Just as some trans people can’t accept that they chose to be trans before incarnating and that choice was a magnificent one chosen by a powerful, world-changing, eternal being.

Everyone is SUPPOSED to have EVERYTHING they want. No exceptions. No one is keeping anything from anyone.

But if you’re struggling to find a partner, there is someone keeping that at bay. That someone is you and you alone.

Please Don’t Cut Off Your Penis!

The Transamorous Network
The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Hi,

I am a late transitioning trans woman. Before my GRS I was dating a tranny chaser who constantly verbally abused me for wanting to get GRS. He would scream at me to not get my penis removed. When I woke up from GRS, he was gone. That was early August 2020.

In January 2021, I met my current boyfriend. He was specifically interested in feminine, traditionally minded women – cis or trans – didn’t matter. We have been living together for several months now and he is nothing but wonderful to me. Great guys who don’t care whether or not you are trans do exist.

Somewhere In the US

Hi There Somewhere,

Isn’t it great when, when you get what you don’t want, it creates a strong desire in you for what you do want….and then, when you tell stories that match what you do want, you get that?

I think it’s great there are guys in the world who “don’t care whether or not you are trans”, just as there are guys out there who want a woman with a penis…and everything in between.

I’m sure you get a TON of validation from your current guy, right? Sure sounds like it. That’s so great.

If I were you, I’d stop telling the story of what happened in August 2020. Why repeatedly share something you didn’t enjoy? Then, I’d never stop telling the entire world about the guy you currently live with. That way, you’ll feel wonderful AND get more things you want.

By the way, using the phrase “tranny chaser” equates to calling a transgender woman “tranny”. Transgender women don’t like being called tranny. Trans-attracted Men struggling to find what they want in a partner struggle even more when those they find attractive describe them as “tranny chasers”. And if you think about it, that phrase denigrates you at the same time it denigrates him.

You probably know that, but likely think describing that guy that way makes sense because of how he treated you. But that phrase tells a story you really want to let go of…if you want a life you’ll love.

A match for everyone exists. No exceptions. Often, people find their match by “kissing a lot of frogs”. Every relationship though represents a stepping stone toward the one relationship everyone wants, the only relationship that matters, really. That relationship: the one each person has with themself.

Just as you got what you want, that guy from August 2020 will eventually get what he wants once he tells stories matching that.

Happy outcomes feel great. Enjoy the boyfriend you live with. Forget those who came before.

TTN

Better Happy Stories Easily Cure Depression

Photo by Jackson David on Unsplash

Telling negative stories gives rise to all kinds of emotions. Emotions tell people crucial information. So I find it incredibly amazing hardly anyone understands why emotions exist. Especially the emotion “depression”.

Soon though more people will find out how important emotions are.

People struggle believing when I tell them their stories create their reality. Especially when they think about really bad things from their past. No one wants to know they own creating really bad past experiences. But everyone creates ALL their experiences. No one else. When a person understands how, then leverages that, freedom becomes theirs. Even freedom from depression.

Evidence surrounds us all

Evidence proving your stories create reality surrounds you. I assert that everyone wants to know how they can enjoy freedom and happiness. Everyone wants that lover, or that job, or that amount of money they think will make them happy. I find it humorous then when I tell someone how happiness happens, and the explanation goes over their head. Or they think I’m “mansplaining”, even though I’m nonbinary. 🤷🏽‍♂️

Knowing stories create your reality and leveraging that gives you all the happiness you can stand and then some. Such knowledge offers immense power and freedom. For if reality springs from stories, and it does, then you can create any reality you want.

Think about that: any reality you want exists. It can show up as your life. Learning how that happens turns “can show up as your life” to “is your life”. Doesn’t everyone want that? One would think!

A client sent me the following video. Hardly anyone would live without money these days, let alone in a cave like this guy does. But I’d wager everyone would enjoy freedom this guy experiences if giving up things money affords wasn’t necessary.

https://youtu.be/chVKpyjmE6w

Negative stories cause depression

His life shows exactly how negative stories not only lead to depression, they also can lead to suicide. At 1:20, he shares how he started thinking negative thoughts about life and society. “Thoughts” and “stories” are the same thing. So he started telling negative stories about life.

In a short while, he went from feeling good about himself and life, into depression. His father thought his son’s concerns about his homosexuality had something to do with it. He said his son feared his family would disown him because of their Christian views. Negative stories about his homosexuality, his family and life in general all led him to suicidal thoughts.

Thankfully, though he thought about killing himself, he never did. Instead he changed his stories.

Now he lives, in his words, like birds. “Birds have no worries,” He says. “I’m employed by the Universe. Since everywhere I go is the Universe, I’m always secure.”

Not only does this guy now live secure, he also lives free. And gets everything he wants.

Free and getting everything one wants. Everyone can live this way.

Getting all you want

Hardly anyone wants to live in a cave and that’s “o-cave”.😊 But pretty much everyone want’s what they want. Not just freedom and fun and all the money they want, but also all the lovers they want. Even if that means just that one love someone pines for. Or that one love one believe does not exist.

But it does exist. So does everything everyone wants. So does everything YOU want. You just can’t see it. The only thing blocking your vision are stories you tell that create realities wherein what you want remains absent.

The video up there ⬆️⬆️⬆️ can inspire. It shows how life shapes to how you think.

So if you think no trans women live in your area, if you think men won’t love you for who and what you are, then your reality shows you that. Then you feel frustrated, lonely, sad and, maybe, depressed. You try doing things like getting on then struggling on dating sites, as your reality confirms what you think. Like this girl:

A trans woman vigorously defending her limiting beliefs.

When you’re finally ready to try a better way, The Transamorous Network will be here for you.

I started The Transamorous Network as and expression of my intent to reduce the number of transgender women murdered by shame-filled trans-attracted men. These days The Transamorous Network shows men and women how to get everything they want.

It doesn’t matter what you want. Whatever it is, have it. Just tell stories consistent with what you want, not what you don’t.

It’s easy really. Depression needn’t be your reality. Or any other negative experience. Live worry-free. Like birds. Then watch how everything you want becomes yours.