Terryel (formerly Tiffany) kicks ass. Six months ago she began creating new stories for herself. As a result, her life is on fire. Everything she wants she gets: Men’s attention, opportunities to express her passions, clarity around her family and friends, and, of course, good sex.
Don’t take my word for it though. Listen to her tell her own story. Terryel shows how telling better-feeling stories creates new, better realities. Her new ways of interpreting experiences leave her empowered and joyful. Instead of self-judgment/self criticism, Terryel speaks lovingly and confidently about herself.
How many trans women speak like this?
Terryel’s confidence, joy and clarity inspire. I cracked up at her newfound sense of humor. I felt moved by her insights, insights everyone gets when they realize they create every situation they experience.
Transgender women: DL men needn’t leave you feeling like shit. Desperation and fear about ever feeling loved needn’t worry you. Your happiness depends on no external situation, or person.
Once you discover YOU create every experience, even with DL men, empowerment will rise from within you. One that happens, confidence, assertiveness and joy becomes your all day, every day. Then, and only then, can you say good bye to men who treat you poorly, or circumstances you prefer not to have.
All those things spring from within you too. Change your stories though, and, like Terryel here, you’ll uncover your freedom, your power and your joy. Then a life consistent with all that will be yours. Guaranteed.
A transgender woman responded to a recent post of ours on Medium. The story showed how complaining about negative dating experiences creates a continuous stream of more such experiences. Here’s what she wrote:
I’m a Trans woman who has had all of the negative dating experiences you describe. Magical thinking about the universe and “man” -ifesting my partner didn’t [work for me].
I don’t believe a cisgender person [apparently she was referring to me] really knows the feeling of meeting someone, having real chemistry and then having them run away after you come out to them. A hundred times. Cisgender women are often fetishized, but Transwomen are treated like an alien sex creature. You really have zero idea, and I say this in the kindest way.
I found my partner through some luck and simple diligence. I formed a strategy and kept at it until I found someone who “saw” me, not the label. The other parts of the equation are working on yourself and being happy with who you are. Men are initially visual creatures and a grounded understanding of that reality helps too.
Here’s what I find interesting about her reply. Besides thinking I’m cis, which I’m not, her response shows exactly how what she calls “magical thinking” works. But she, like so many, believes in what other clueless people taught her. She believes in “luck” and “hard work”. Both of which can work, but as the phrase “hard work” implies, it’s no fun going that route.
And though she claims she met her partner through “luck and simple diligence”, what really happened is, she told stories that created a reality wherein she matched with the person she met.
Everyone tells stories
Whether a person believes it or not, stories and nothing else, create reality. “Beliefs” is another word for “stories”. What you believe, happens.
For example, the other day, my housemate lost her keys, including her key fob for her car. She turned the place upside down looking for her keys. But she couldn’t find them.
Why couldn’t she find them?
Because she believed her keys were lost, that’s why. In other words, no matter how hard she looked for her keys, she couldn’t find them because she created a reality in which finding her keys was impossible.
About 10 days later, after spending $285 for a replacement car key fob, the keys showed up.
Where were they? Some mysterious, really secret hiding place? No. They were in a jacket pocket in her closet.
They were there…yet not there.
She “found” her keys because she no longer stood in stories creating a “lost” reality. Instead, she gave up believing she lost them. Then her broader perspective guided her to what she wanted: her keys.
I’m sure you’ve experienced this too. I have. So have several other clients. A person can’t live an experience that doesn’t line up with their beliefs. The same holds true about finding a lover.
It’s a secret hidden in plain sight: reality springs from what you think about. (Photo: Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash)
Man-ifestation and luck
So how did this transgender woman discover her partner through telling better stories even though she doesn’t know how that works? Let’s take a look. Here’s what she wrote:
“I found my partner through some luck and simple diligence. I formed a strategy and kept at it until I found someone who “saw” me, not the label. The other parts of the equation are working on yourself and being happy with who you are. Men are initially visual creatures and a grounded understanding of that reality helps too.”
First, I don’t know if her partner is male or female, that said, she starts by acknowledging that she doesn’t really understand how it happened. I write that because she uses the term “luck”.
Luck is a word people use when describing outcomes they don’t understand. “Luck” means “success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one’s own actions.”
Why “luck” seems random
So luck implies something beyond one’s control. But creating reality lies within everyone’s control. Everyone creates reality according to their beliefs or stories. Not knowing how they’re doing that doesn’t mean they create reality some other way.
Since most people don’t understand how they create reality, they think when things go well for them, they experience “good” luck. They see luck as a random event. Being random, they also believe in “bad” luck. But bad things happening happen the same way good things happen.
Both kinds of “luck” happen in line with what people believe. Most people’s beliefs contain a few stories consistent with what they want. But far more beliefs people hold revolve around unwanted subjects. Things like racism, inequality, taxes, money shortages, fears about their health or a loved one’s health, worries about being lonely, anxiety about work, negative feelings about people who don’t share their beliefs or values, etc.
No wonder people’s lives contain so much random occurrence. It looks random, but randomness happens because people don’t think thoughts consistently about what they want. Their thoughts contain a hodgepodge of random thoughts. Thus their reality looks random.
Man-ifestation and hard work
Nearly everyone thinks diligence and hard work produce results. When people see success happening with my project Copiosis, they often say “good for you, you worked hard. You deserve this.”
But I don’t work hard to make Copiosis – or anything else I want – happen. Working hard makes getting what you want hard. Which is why so many don’t get what they want – in love, and, on the way to not getting that, experience anxiety, frustration and loneliness.
Later in the paragraph we’re looking at, the writer says: I formed a strategy and kept at it until I found someone who “saw” me, not the label.” I assert what happened here was, she listened to her inner guidance as well as looked at what worked for her in the past. She saw her past successes and applied similar methods. But most important, she started telling a different story: I want someone who sees me, not the label.
A transgender woman (not the writer) telling negative stories…and getting commensurate results.
All that other stuff she did falls into the “doing” category. Doing NEVER produces results, although it looks like that. Doing or action puts a person in a certain location, time and space-wise, where an “unfolding” happens. The unfolding includes circumstances and people coming together in a timing which creates desired results. All that timing and unfolding first gets created in stories. Then associated components assemble into manifestation. Doing happen so you rendezvous with other components as the final necessary component.
Emotions are key
Think about it. Very likely, our writer’s strategy implementation left her feeling discouraged at times as she met potential partners not yet aligned with what she wanted. Which is why she complained at first about experiencing everything I wrote about. Remember?
Yet, she still believed. She told herself a story (such as “I must be diligent and persist, I know this can work” or something like that) which changed “discouragement” into some other positive emotion, such as, maybe, at the very least, “willingness”.
Feeling willing to continue on a course feels better than feeing discouraged. So the story “I know this can work” creates a reality consistent with it: at some point evidence must show up proving that story true.
So long as she kept to that story, and entertained as little contrary stories as possible, “[Finding] someone who “saw” me, not the label.” was inevitable.
Which is exactly what happened.
Even more powerful stories
The writer next amplifies exactly the same stories I write about here all day every day:
“The other parts of the equation are working on yourself and being happy with who you are.“
Essentially she says: I became the best person I could, I found my happiness.
At The Transamorous Network we assert that a person can’t find a loving, happy, positive, successful, trustworthy, friendly, responsible partner, if they, themselves are unhappy, not loving, negative, unsuccessful and irresponsible. In other words, you must become a match to what you want. Otherwise, you’ll not get what you want.
This person did that. She focused on herself, while also putting in place processes which allowed her to feel more hope, expectation and positivity about her goal. Yes, she took action, but it sounds she told positive stories which made her feel positive expectation, which inspired actions. Then those actions led her to her desired outcomes. Outcomes which already existed!
Isn’t that what I talk about all day every day here? Of course it is.
How does that equate to the dirisive “magical thinking?”
Stories create reality. Beliefs create reality. Action doesn’t create reality. Action moves you to a place in time and space where what you want materializes. If you want a partner willing to love you in the way you want, you must become a match to that person you idealize.
Idealization isn’t bad. Idealizing gets a bad wrap because people believe idealizing is unreasonable. They discourage people from dreaming big dreams and going for those because they themselves fail at manifesting their dream.
Don’t be one of those people. Have your ideal. Be the teller of your own story. Get the happy love life you want. You do that by stories you tell, so tell the very best.
If you’re trans attracted and want that perfect partner, you first gotta understand one thing that will kibosh any intent to get what you want.
You’ll still get what you want. But it will end in sadness.
I recently chatted with a Transamorous man who experienced this first hand. He moved from trans-attraction to transamory years ago. Since living out loud and proud about what he likes, he enjoyed meeting quite attractive transgender women, some of whom he dated for years.
But each relationship left him sad. Pointing out the one thing leading to his sadness triggered tears he barely kept back. For his dating experience confirmed this one thing knocking out cold some cis-trans relationships’ potential.
That one thing really comprises two things. If you don’t know them and you’re trans attracted, you’ll not only not see it when you get what you want, you won’t keep it either.
Everyone’s a stepping stone
Transgender women experience life moving from one state to another on the way to an ideal vision of “self”. Unlike most people, their transition keeps them in near constant dissatisfaction about one thing or another. That dissatisfaction offers tremendous motivation. Especially when the woman sees potential on the horizon.
For example, some trans women aspire to professions which reward them for their extreme, post-surgery good looks, their stature and unique aspects, which make them natural runway fits. Modeling, acting or other performance professions offer such opportunity. These professions also offer wonderful life styles and, of course, lots of money. Such lifestyles also come with many gorgeous, successful men.
Others who may not meet those standards, still recognize their physical appearance exceeds those of many cis-women, making them highly desirable. Even for “straight men”, whatever that means, some transgender women turn male heads wherever they go. That makes them highly desirable…and they know it. Just ask any high-priced transgender “escort”. 😱
Many trans-attracted men target such women as their ideal partner. They wish for and idealize such women, who they often see in porn, on Only Fans, or other online venues such as Instagram or Tumblr.
But most transgender women like these, on their way to that success, still want companionship, love, attention and validation. So on their way, they’ll accept relationships with men they will eventually consider not up to the quality they know they can attract. That’s where you come in.
Transgender women like actress and vocal performer Alexandra Grey pursue, and often get, stardom. Are you really up to par with that kind of success? (Instagram)
In other words, trans-attracted men sometimes become stepping stones for these transgender women. They satisfy their companionship, attention and validation needs through you as they move towards their ideal self and their ideal lives.
Dating people temporarily needs no justification. Most relationships don’t last and aren’t meant to. That’s ok.
You must up your game
But if you want that top-shelf transgender woman and you don’t qualify yourself as top shelf, even if you get her, you won’t likely keep her.
The guy I spoke with experienced this first hand. He met a girl shortly after her transition. They connected right away, began dating and enjoyed one another.
Then COVID struck. As with many relationships, constant close proximity strained their relationship. One day, the woman told this guy some bad news. She knew she had tremendous potential as a model. What she didn’t say the guy understood instinctively. As she fulfilled that dream, her tastes, and opportunity to satisfy those tastes, would change. That meant, he no longer offered what she wanted.
I know very beautiful transgender women aspire to top shelf everything. Yes, exceptions exist. But most, I would argue, like most people, react to social conditioning. They seek what society says they should. That leaves many a regular guy shooting for such top shelf women, only to face disappointment later.
People sometimes ask “Well, Perry if your approach works, where’s your relationship?”
I tell them I’m patient. I’m in no hurry. My match and I are still becoming. We will meet when I am at my peak. That moment evolves as I write this, as I develop this platform, Positively Focused and Copiosis. Each of these grows more successful. While more people discover them, I become more well-known. Before long, large numbers of people will know me and my passions. As my passions influence the world more, I become more influential.
That notoriety will create a global awareness of who I am. That will galvanize attention from my partner, who themselves will also enjoy global notoriety, or at least be at that “level” in their own life.
In other words, I’m creating self and stature matching the person I know I eventually will partner with. I call that upping my game. A Transamorous Network client once called that “becoming the best version of me.”
Every sock meets an old shoe
Not all trans-attracted men need become movie stars, billionaires, world leaders or other kinds of influentials in order to meet their match. But if someone aspires to relationships with highly attractive, successful, intelligent, secure, confident transgender women, that person must also be attractive, successful, secure and confident.
Otherwise the two won’t match.
The good news lies in the fact that everyone comes into life with natural gifts. Nurture those and one can’t help become influential in their own way. Like this transgender woman who once also had multiple personalities. She lives out loud about this. As a result she enjoys 133,000 subscribers and helps people like her.
Trans-attraction represents one such gift. Usually, gifts come in combinations. Rarely does a person enjoy only one. So trans-attracted men all come with more than trans-attraction as a gift.
A smarmy saying offers wisdom. It goes “every old sock meets an old shoe.” It means, every person can potentially meet their match and that match can offer great satisfaction, comfort and ease. But enjoying that satisfaction first requires becoming a match to that satisfaction.
The perfect partner needn’t be a model or movie star. Fame doesn’t guarantee relationship success. But many people live far short of their ideal, leaving them desperate, insecure and unsatisfied.
Desperation, insecurity and dissatisfaction offer terrible foundations upon which to build a relationship. And, they tend to draw people living in similar states.
If you want that perfect trans girl and you, yourself, aren’t perfect (whatever that means for you), prepare for disappointment. But many sane, happy, fun, easy-going transgender women exist. They may not be models, but they can offer love, companionship, relationship and affection.
And in the end, when all the glam fades and it’s just you two, what really matters? Model-like appearance? Influence? Fame? Or things like honesty, integrity, communication and trust? Most people I talk with, including transgender women, when I remind them of what matters, act surprised.
Hopefully you’re not. Avoid the kibosh. Revise what you look for in your trans partner. Focus on becoming your best you. Tell positive stories about everything. Then see what happens.
At The Transamorous Network we show people how telling positive stories creates lives in which everything they want comes to them easy.
Tell enough positive stories and obvious evidence proves this true. That’s why we guarantee results. In time, something else happens. Clients see how easy life gets. They realize how inherently good the world is. They also realize how inherently good people are.
When they get there, life gets really fun. Until then, getting what they want, including love seems impossible. That’s why so many try (and often fail) getting what they want through action alone.
A 30 question test offers great insight
A friend recently created the following list. It offers 30 questions. Each question, when answered, tells readers where they stand.
The more questions answered incorrectly, the more getting what one wants feels hard. The questions, therefore offer tremendous insight. Not knowing these answers, you can’t know in which direction one’s fulfilled desires exist, nor can you know where you are relative to them.
Don’t worry, I’m going to give the answers. Answering the questions right or wrong isn’t where power exists. Power exists in knowing what to do when you answer a question wrong.
So here is the answer: yes
If a person can’t emphatically say yes to every question below, then a gap exists between what that person wants and what they’re getting. It’s that easy.
A transgender woman creating more of what she doesn’t want by reinforcing beliefs contradicting what she wants.
The power of belief shapes reality
A simple yes is not enough though. Desires fulfill themselves when one knows the answers are “yes”, not just agrees that they are.
Knowing, believing and thinking are distinct states. Everyone thinks. That’s the default. Think long enough about something and reality will prove that thought true. That’s why when a transgender woman thinks “all men are chasers” every man who approaches them turns out that way.
Seeing this evidence, the transgender woman reinforces her thought that “all men are chasers”. In time that thought becomes “true”. That’s why many transgender women think all men are chasers. This is true only for transgender women who think this.
With enough evidence, a transgender woman will believe what they think. Why wouldn’t they? Reality “proved” what they think. So the thought “all men are chasers” becomes a belief as more and more evidence proving the thought shows up.
In time, that thought, now a belief, recedes in the background. Evidence replaces “belief” and the “belief” becomes “reality”. At that point, the transgender woman knows all men are chasers. Also at that point, it’s very hard convincing her otherwise. Why? Because her reality matches her belief.
Chicken or egg. Which came first?
But she had the belief first. And before that, the thought. These created the reality. It’s never the other way around.
The fact that so many transgender women know all men are chasers proves what’s written here works. Although transgender women who believe this will deny that’s how they came to believe it.
Turning that reality where all men are chasers into a reality where “I get to have my man and eat him too!” takes some time. More than that though, a transgender woman (and a trans-attracted man) can not only have the lover she wants, she also can have EVERYTHING else she wants.
Having everything though requires knowing the answer to every question below is “yes”. So knowing “yes” as the answer requires seeing evidence everywhere. That’s why simple agreement isn’t enough.
These questions will challenge many beliefs. They also challenge many people’s realities. That’s because so many people have beliefs creating realities demanding these questions be answered with resounding NOs.
Until a person understands their reality springs from their beliefs, not the other way around, answering “yes” is impossible.
A trans-attracted man finding his center and thereby starting to create realities consistent with what he wants.
Joy starts with yes!
The joy inherent in knowing the answer is “yes” is what life is all about. Living lives of fulfilled desires is life’s purpose. That’s why when you’re having sex and loving it, you’re not screaming NO NO NO! You’re screaming YES, YES, YES! 😂😊🤣
So here are the questions:
Does abundance in all things exist?
Does well-being flow through all things?
Is evil an illusion?
Is scarcity an illusion?
Is control an illusion?
Do all circumstances work out for good?
Are negative beliefs a catalyst for positive growth?
Does everyone want a better reality?
Do we create our own reality?
Is everyone free?
Is progress an inevitability?
Can everyone have what they want?
Are all paradoxes resolvable?
Are the specific values of the individual aligned with the general values of the collective?
Are all conflicts illusory?
Is every perspective valid?
Is every perspective valuable?
Are humans inherently good?
Can humans be trusted?
Do humans want to be free from control/manipulation?
Do humans want well-being for themselves and for others?
Is humanity currently headed in a positive direction?
Do people want to live by their intrinsic motivations?
Do intrinsic motivations always lead to good things?
Is it okay to give up on something?
Does everyone have good intentions?
Can efficient and effective organizing structures emerge organically?
Does everything evolve?
Can “bad ideas” turn into “good ideas”?
Is it inevitable that every “bad idea” evolves into a “good idea” given enough allowance for intuitive inspiration?
Belief confrontations suck
If you’re having trouble, you’re not alone. Most people will not answer yes every time. Likely, you experienced extreme resistance to even considering the answer as yes.
That’s called a “belief confrontaton”. Your reality is so out of whack with the question’s answer, you can’t bear thinking the answer is yes. But the answer IS yes.
You can discover bliss in human being-ness by learning to see, then living from, what’s possible when you know the right answer.
That’s what my clients find. And when they do, life gets fun.
After all, who wouldn’t want a life full of desires fulfilling themselves? That’s what everyone in a physical body knew life could be like before they came.
Yes, even transgender people.
But many get stuck once they get here. That’s because they don’t remember what they forgot, the forgetting of which is a prerequisite to arrival.
You can remember. Everyone can. Are you remembering? If you aren’t, I can help.
Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy.
Dear The Transamorous Network,
I’ve been on the site and after I put a reply to the topic of being trans attracted while being married, I looked at some earlier exchanges, most notably from two cisgender women who are wives of men who are trans attracted. Their responses were striking. It made me question my place in this community because I do not share some of the sentiments. Yes, I do have the shared attraction to trans women, however I am not in a situation where my wife doesn’t fulfill my needs. Nor do I compare my wife to trans women. My attraction to trans women is just that, an attraction. I’ve noticed this about myself, however I have no desire to act on it. I also have an attraction to Asian women and have for years, however again, I have no desire to act on that either nor do I compare my wife to Asian women. I do not judge the men who feel differently and I do not consider myself any better than them, but I am beginning to question as to if this is the right community because my opinion on this matter may not be received well. I feel that some may jump to the conclusion that I may be in some moral high ground based in religion, however that couldn’t be farther from the truth because I am an Atheist and proud to be. My opinion about this topic is MY opinion and I wouldn’t want anyone to perceive that everyone should feel the same way. It’s just that I’ve been on the receiving end of comparison by someone that I’ve trust my heart to and it only adds to the self-hatred. So I totally empathize with [The women] from [the comments section] and I feel bad that they are going through what they are describing. Anyway, thanks for listening.
Austin
Dear Austin,
Thanks for your letter/email. Yes, the responses from cis women who discovered their husbands were/are trans attracted are striking. No doubt about that. That said, their comments have nothing to do with or have anything to say about whether or not you have a “place” in the “community” that is The Transamorous Network.
Just because there are divergent opinions doesn’t mean one opinion is better than the other. Nor does it mean that one opinion gets to say whether or not another opinion belongs. You have contributed greatly to the conversation and I would encourage you to continue to do so.
Who cares if somebody jumps to the conclusion that you have some sort of moral high ground? Isn’t that their story? That has nothing to do with whether you actually do or not. Or whether you believe you do or not.
What people are going through is what they’re going through. The women complaining about their husbands likely have a lot more happening than their men being trans-attracted.
What they’re going through is a result of the stories they are telling themselves. Period. There’s no doubt in my mind that both woman knew what they were getting into at some level. It may not have been conscious of it, but they knew. That’s because everyone is a match to whoever they’re meeting. If this weren’t accurate, then what I share with clients would not work.
But what I show my clients does work, 100 percent of the time. So it must be accurate that wives of trans-attracted men, at some level, knew about their husband’s trans attraction.
The fact that they are blaming their husbands just shows how much they continue concealing what they knew from themselves.
Stick around. Or not. Either way do it from an empowered place, not from feeling you must leave because others aren’t happy with what you share.
