A Transgender Woman’s Dream Love Life: What It Looks Like

Photo by Shelby Deeter on Unsplash

Despite what so many transgender women claim when they write me, this “Your stories create your reality” business really works. Those saying it doesn’t with no evidence to back their claims, and no effort put in to testing it, don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

Meanwhile my TRANSGENDER clients are finding empowerment, joy and satisfaction knowing they create their reality.

Case in point: Casey (Not her real name). It’s taken her a year and a half to discover how powerful she is. Yet, in that 18 months, she’s realized what I say in this blog over and over: Everyone creates their reality.

Instead of complaining that I’m “blaming the victim” or “saying it’s their fault” for shitty experiences people create, Casey put the practice to the test. She tested it in the only place real results could convince her: In her personal life. And in the 18-months not only has she completely transformed her dating circumstances, she’s changing a whole lot more in the process.

The most prominent change is in her soothed disposition and her belief that she does, indeed, create her reality. Let’s look at how this all started for her.

Men are a threat

When she first contacted me, Casey felt attraction to men. She wanted to be married to a man. Yet, any man that gave her any more than passing attention, Casey interpreted it negatively.

She thought the men would wage violence on her. She thought men looked at her as a “man in a dress”. When men complimented something about her, she would overlook the compliment and get stressed over they guy’s attention.

The first example she gave me in our preliminary session was at a grocery store parking lot. As she walked from her car towards the store, Casey said a guy followed her, “very slowly” in his car.

“I got really scared,” She said.

“What did you think he was going to do?” I asked.

Casey said “I don’t know! I was just scared.”

My first attempt to begin changing her perspective was asking her a question she would have never considered in that experience:

“How do you now that guy staring at you and following you in his car wasn’t attracted to or fascinated about you?” I asked.

The question stunned her.

She never considered the man might have positive reasons for eyeballing her. She, like many transgender women, was too steeped in the statistics. And while stats have some merit….THEY’RE JUST NUMBERS! Anyone who understands statistics knows that when one looks at an individual data point, statistical probabilities almost totally break down. Even statisticians will tell you that.

What’s more, everyone is creating their own reality. Meaning, no one is beholden to a collection of past creations others have created, which is what stats are.

Many people, including transgender women, think statistics say something about their future. They don’t. (Photo by Lacie Slezak on Unsplash)

The stats don’t matter…unless you let the

But transgender women will quote stats until the cows come home about how much at risk they are. They’ll exclaim how “true” they are. And then live in fear.

Not Casey. She was willing to try something different. Why? Because everything else wasn’t working. I wish my clients didn’t wait until they hit rock bottom. But sometimes that’s the only time a human will try something new.

After weeks of sessions, Casey began entertaining more positive stories about why men stared at her. She also started telling more positive stories about her dismal experience with online dating.

She had terrible experiences. Much like many transgender women will tell their friends about. Trans-attracted men were dicks, Casey would say.

“They always text me when drunk. They always want to see my dick or share theirs. I don’t wanna get involved with that shit!” she exclaimed.

I asked if she could come up with other reasons why trans-attracted men would do such things. What reasons could trans-attracted men behave from which would cause them to behave the way they were, I asked.

It took her a while, and a lot of coaching. But over time, Casey began to come up with more positive and empowering reasons for behaviors she’d experience with men.

Those reasons had her feel more compassion and understanding for trans-attracted men. As her feelings about the men softened her experiences gradually started changing.

A big shift

Casey really wants to meet a man in the small town she comes from. Right now, she lives in a big town. She believed at one time that a man who would date her let alone marry her wouldn’t dare live in her hometown. I told her that was bullshit because the universe will give a person anything they want.

Casey also wanted to meet men in person. Men who would take her out on dates. Most men she met online lived across the country or hundreds of miles away. Almost all of them ghosted her after a short online courtship.

But as her stories improved, the men stayed around longer. They expressed more interest in her as a person. Some revealed their own struggles as trans-attracted men. In short, Casey started to see this shift in the men she was meeting (with some terse pointing out on my part).

All this time, I told her her reality was changing as she changed her inner reality. I regularly pointed indications of her improved mood and the improving quality of men she met.

Until one day a man reached out to her online. He lived in the same town as Casey. He wanted to take her out on a date. It was a lot of what Casey asked for. Then, before that guy could followup on the invite ANOTHER guy, this time living about 13 miles outside Casey’s town wrote. He was better than the first guy. But the first guy was extremely sweet.

More evidence…

After a series of long online conversations, this guy, let’s call him Jason, went dark. Casey started complaining about yet another guy ghosting her. But she quickly caught her negative story. She wanted him to reach out, but was also wanting to reach out to him out of insecurity. She felt that if she reached out to him, he’d reach back out to her.

The problem with that strategy is her insecurity would speak way louder than her words. So the guy would pick up on that and give her more of what she’s focusing on: her insecurity. And therefore not reply. I strongly suggested she not take any action. Instead, I suggested she just be open to hearing from him. That’s what she did. And here’s what happened straight from Casey’s phone:

It’s interesting to note something I always beat into my clients: What another person says or does is NEVER about you. It’s always about THEM. But a lot of people, transgender women included, will make things about THEM when it’s really NOT.

A guy sending dick pics is NOT ABOUT YOU.

Someone you’re interested in you ghosting you IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

Everything someone does – even if it’s a good thing they do – is ALWAYS about them!

As icing on Casey’s cake, check out the text the guy sent her the next evening. A vast improvement from her past experiences:

Where many trans-attracted guys are when talking with transgender women. Yet, most won’t be honest about how they’re feeling.

This text blew Casey away.

A remarkable shift everyone can experience

This series of events seems extraordinary. It’s not though. What happened here with Casey can happen with ANY transgender woman. It doesn’t matter what her circumstances are because the Universe is ready to deliver to everyone anything they want.

And it IS delivering. What’s keeping the delivery from happening is the person wanting it. That person blocks the delivery with stories inconsistent with what they want.

Notice what Casey said in that final text. She’s expressing empowerment and happiness on a subject many transgender women experience insecurity and fear. Every transgender woman can experience what Casey here expresses. All it takes is a little willingness to tell different stories.

A whole lot more goodness happened with Casey since this guy reached out. But that’s for another post. If you’re wanting experiences, dramatic shifts like Casey’s, in love, or any other subject, you can have it.

And I can help. Contact me and let’s get you going on the road to your lover!

The Best Way To Improved Transgender Lives

Photo by Vil Son on Unsplash

Many trans-attracted men and transgender women have a hard time with this because it sounds so unbelievably “absurd”. And yet, there’s ample evidence supporting the notion. The notion that the fastest way to a better life, whether it’s finding a partner, having family accept us or finding more freedom in society, comes from first accepting how life is now.

Now, some transgender women who come to this story will push hard against this. Their experience seemingly shows them the best way to change a life situation is to push against it, resist it, protest about it.

But one of life’s many paradoxes is, it is the accepting of what is that makes change happen faster. And, in every case where change happens, that’s what makes it happen. Even when it looks like that’s not happening.

An old client of mine found this to be the case. After a l-o-n-g period of her family disowning her, she recently IM’d me with delightful news:

A former client realizes a long-held desire. Her family had disowned her. But now, after practicing what we offer at The Transamorous Network, she’s manifested a long-held wish.

Make peace release resistance

Persistent negative experiences, especially involving other people, remain persistent because we focus on trying to change the experience. But the problem with changing the experience involves why we want to do that. Typically, humans want change because they don’t like what they have. Trans-attracted men feel shame about their trans-attraction, for example. They don’t want to feel that awful emotion. So they try changing what they are.

But if they make peace with their trans-attraction, “shame” gets replaced with “being ok with what is.” That making peace eliminates one’s focus on the unwanted experience. Eventually “being ok” allows the person to explore their bogus stories about trans-attraction. Stories like “I must be gay” or, “my family will disown me”, under dispassionate scrutiny can then turn into more empowering stories.

In the absence of resistance, change will show up. Especially when the person focuses on what they want, while being ok with what they have.

That’s part of the practice I share with my clients. As simple as it seems, it has powerful, enduring force. Force born of what creates and maintains the Universe.

Future improvement

The same goes with transgender women. If we want love from men, love that looks like what we want, we must stop looking at experiences that don’t match that. We also need to stop complaining about those experiences. Complaining is focus. Negative focus. Negative focus amplifies that which we complain about. Since the Universe gives us what we focus on, not what we want, the Universe in this situation will give us more to complain about.

But when we come to peace with experiences we’re having and revel in the reality that we’re creating those experiences, we embrace our power. And there, future experiences MUST look different. Especially if we focus on what we want, instead of what we don’t.

Abraham, one of my spiritual guides, putting it plainly. Improvement happens speedily when we accept our present.

We must stop complaining. Focus on what we want instead. Appreciate, or at the very least, accept what we have. For the change we want can’t happen so long as we resist what we have.

But in the acceptance, we come into eventual new futures. Futures aligned with everything we want. It’s the Charmed Life I write about on my other blog.

Having trouble not complaining? Give me a shoutout. I can help!

Get Our 1:1 Matchmaking Service at 50 Percent Off!!

It’s spring everybody!

And whether it’s the birds or the bees or humans or trees….It’s love season! Let’s get you some!

For a limited time and for limited peeps, we’re offering a 50 percent discount on our 1:1 Matchmaking services. Trans-Attracted men can get our exclusive, effective, guaranteed 1:1 service for $100 a month (original subscriptions: $200/mo). Transgender people get the same great services for $75 a month (normally $150/mo). That amounts to a $14/hr session rate for men and a $10/hr session rate for transgender women.

We haven’t offered a discount…ever. Five slots are open starting TODAY for each category, so, claim your spot by selecting your option below and hitting that subscribe button now.

Please Select

After selecting your category and completing the subscription we’ll redirect you to our calendar where you can schedule you monthly session date and time. Then you’re set!

DOES IT WORK?

Yes! I guarantee it too! But if you’re curious about the process go here and read about how it works. Or read the real life expressions of appreciation below.

(ABOVE) A trans-attracted client raving over how his life has changed.

Read a long-form testimonial of a transgender woman who not only found her match, but married him…all as a result of the practice!

(ABOVE) Another trans-attracted client expressing appreciation after successfully eliminating ideas of committing suicide from his life over his trans-attraction.
(ABOVE) A trans-attracted client expresses appreciation in an unique way…
(ABOVE) My very first transgender client thanking me via Facebook for changing her life for the better. She now sails around the world with her lover on a sailboat!

Of course, you can contact me with any questions, or schedule a FREE trial 1:1 to ask in person.

The World Is So Much Better For Transgender People

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Holy smokes. What I saw in December blew me away. I’m only publishing this now because I schedule posts eight weeks in advance. But it’s no less amazing. It’s a testament to the unfolding perfection of All That Is and how All That Is supports transgender people. Even when it looks like it doesn’t.

A long-time cisgender friend prompted this post. He’s a strong progressive cause ally, including supporting the transgender community. We’re kindred that way. That’s why I wasn’t surprised to get his text. But I was surprised by what he shared.

He shared a link to a video. My friend does this infrequently, but frequently enough that I don’t click on links he sends me right away. But with this one, I did. Because the thumbnail compelled me.

The video promotes a whiskey product. It’s one of the best cause marketing commercials I’ve seen. And I should know about cause marketing because in a previous incarnation, I worked in PR and Corporate Social Responsibility. Take a look:

A beautiful story beautifully told

The commercial begins with an elderly couple. While the husband sits in a chair, the wife wanders about the house on the phone. Unbeknownst to the wife, the husband has a predisposition for women’s make up. He goes into the bathroom, locks the door and tries practicing with lipstick…but his results frustrates him.

Several scenes indicate the man’s depth of interest. It’s almost as if the guy questions his interest in such a thing. Nonetheless, he ends up getting pretty good at applying makeup to his own face.

But then, during the holiday season, the extended family shows up for familial celebrations. Among the family members is 26-year-old “Alvaro”. Who we now understand as Alvaro’s grandfather, looks at his grandson and has a hunch. He invites the young person into the bathroom wherein the two have an intensely personal, intimate moment.

The two exit the bathroom and, to everyone’s astonishment, Alvaro is now “Ana”. The entire family is in tears and Ana is heartily welcomed.

The rest is amazing commercial history.

“Transgender”: Here to stay

Thirty-plus years ago when rap music wasn’t what it is today, the famous Quincy Jones produced a song called “Back on the Block”. Among samples he used in his production was a statement by Rev. Jessie Jackson. Towards the end of the song, which is a medley of various rap genre’s, Jackson is sampled saying:

“Now I would – I would contend that ah –
The rappers – rap is here to stay”

Thirty years later, rap is still going strong. Jackson was right.

In the same way, we are seeing something similar with transgender people. So many successful transgender people now exist. Not only are they in entertainment, they also are in politics and business and mental health. They’re authors, speakers, teachers. They’re everywhere.

And more are coming in to the world all the time.

It makes being a transgender person in the world much easier. More than ever, transgender people can find support in abundance. The fact that a major liquor brand is on board with transgender people is astonishing. Especially so as the ad J&B produced is in Spanish. The language of a culture that, in some places around the world still considers being gay a crime. And being trans something worse.

The world is so much better for transgender people. I only hope that more transgender people discover what my transgender clients discover. That is that the only thing keeping a transgender person these days from discovering and then living a joyful life are the stories such a person tells, which creates something different from the life they want.

The world is increasingly on the side of transgender people. Of course, it’s always been that way. But today it’s more so than ever. What a great time to be alive Transgender or Trans-attacted!

If you’re life isn’t going great and you want it to, I can help.

Depression Can Be A Transgender Person’s Best Friend

Photo by Lorna Scubelek on Unsplash

If you are experiencing life-threatening circumstances and don’t want to die, you should seek professional advice.

Depression can easily overtake transgender and trans-attracted people. When someone wants something really bad – like a body reflecting who they know themselves to be, or a lover they believe doesn’t exist – the negative stories that person tells about their desire can drive the person into helplessness.

In helplessness – feeling no ability to get what one wants – hopelessness isn’t far behind. Hopelessness is different from helplessness. Helplessness is about feeling no ability to help one’s self. Hopelessness, on the other hand, is a sense that NO ONE can help the person achieve the desire.

Depression can follow long bouts with these two states. Depression, as many know, is an inward-directed, unexpressed anger. As we all also know, depression can debilitate. It’s so powerful, and so many suffer from its conditions, society spends billions on therapeutic interventions to help those chronically “stuck” in such states.

But helplessness, hopelessness and depression are all positive emotional states. This post explains specifically how depression is beneficial. But it can be read as an extension to apply to all emotions, including helplessness and hopelessness.

What is depression?

Many think they understand depression. Especially depressed people. But if they really understood what depression is, they wouldn’t find themselves stuck in it. So let’s look at what depression really is.

Depression is a signal the depressed person is sending themselves. Most people don’t understand this, so instead of listening to the signal and doing something about it, they instead “cover up the signal.”

Let’s say you’re coming up to a railroad crossing. A train is coming. The lights on your side of the tracks are flashing red.

Would you cross the tracks when the light says stop? (Photo by Jude Infantini on Unsplash)

Would you ignore the signal and cross the track? Of course not. You’d get killed.

Depression is like the flashing light. It is telling the depressed person something. The depressed person should stop and take action based on what the signal is saying.

But most depressed people receive the signal and don’t know what it’s saying. So they keep doing what they’re doing instead of doing what the signal is telling them to do (in this case, changing the stories the person is telling. More on that in a bit).

What depression tells people

Most depressed people will disagree with this, but it doesn’t make it less accurate: Depression is not that serious. It’s just a really strong signal.

It just so happens that, as signals go, it’s one of the most intense. Usually, a person who experiences depression was oblivious to earlier, less intense signals received on the way to “depression”.

In other words, they didn’t listen to the less-intense signals, so now they’re getting one of the most intense.

Had they heeded the less intense ones, they wouldn’t have ended up depressed. And, it would have been easier to do something about the signal.

So what is this signal telling the depressed person? It’s telling them they have beliefs and thoughts that are at odds with the “what-is-ness” of life. That’s all it is.

The dominant state of All That Is is positive expansion, eagerness, enthusiasm, joy, ecstasy, etc. It knows everything is always working out towards positive expansion, fulfillment, expression, awareness, etc. This is not theoretical or just “spiritual”. It is the actual state of things.

Depression tells the depressed person something important. Most of them miss that message though. (Photo by Hailey Kean)

Beauty, positivity and joy available everywhere

Humans create their reality. They can create any reality they want. When they are creating reality consistent with what they are as physical embodiments of All That Is, they resonate or feel in tune with All That Is.

How does that feel? It feels positive, expansionary, eager, enthusiastic, joyful, ecstatic, fulfilled, etc.

But when a person creates a reality inconsistent with all the above, they feel consistent with that creation. Anger, frustration, annoyance….all the way down to depression.

Feelings are important. Many people don’t understand their function as signals. They help a person know what they are creating.

So a person who feels depressed has chronically created a reality inconsistent with what they are. Reality creation occurs first in vibration, then in thought form, then in a received thought before the creation becomes physical reality. In each of those stages, an emotion/feeling is received by the person doing the creating. This helps the person catch their creation early on, before it springs into physical reality.

In short, at The Transamorous Network, we refer to this reality-creation process as “telling stories”.

Feelings help keep us on track

If a person keeps telling stories, and thus, creating reality along lines inconsistent with All That Is, eventually they will get harsher or more and more intense signals…until they get the message. Depression, then, is not anything mysterious or serious. It is only a signal a person is receiving.

This example may be illustrative.

Let’s say as a child, a young woman, was sexually abused by her father. The first time it happened, the child may have felt out of sorts. By the fifth or so time it happened, her internal awareness that something is not right is already in high gear.

Now, she has an opportunity to act. She knows what to do, even though she’s a little girl. But she doesn’t because she’s unclear.

That’s the first, and lightest, signal: lack of clarity or confusion.

Now, let’s say the father threatens her. Let’s say he says “you tell your mom and I’m going to kill you.” Or something less extreme: “honey, keep this a secret between you and me. Don’t tell your mom.”

The young girl knows intuitively she should say something. But now she’s confused because her dad is telling her to keep this secret.

Uncertainty momentum creates more momentum

So the situation continues. She starts feeling more uncertainty. That’s a signal.

Note that this little girl’s mood will change. She’ll gradually lose the joy, freedom, happiness and enthusiasm for life. These emotions go away because her thoughts or stories are turning to beliefs – “conclusions about her world” and about what she has experienced:

  • “this should not be happening”
  • “I don’t understand”
  • “I don’t want this to happen any more”
  • “I feel out of control”
  • “I feel like this is wrong”

Eventually, this clarity will turn on itself and she will begin thinking different thoughts or telling different stories:

  • “I’m angry at my dad”
  • “I hate my dad”

Then she will turn her thoughts/stories on herself:

  • “This is my fault”
  • “I must have done something to deserve this”
  • “I’m a bad person for letting this happen”

The positive, constructive anger expressed at her dad is now turned inward on herself. Action she could have taken to express her anger, or even earlier, her lack of understanding (which is a very light signal), now is not available.

Self blame turns to discouragement about life. Discouragement turns to anger (at herself), anger turns to rage (at herself and her dad and perhaps her mom for not noticing and stopping him) which extends to life in general. Rage at life in general turns to insecurity/guilt/unworthiness.

Less intense signals ignored become more intense signals

Now, in this “vibration” where signals being received are insecurity/guilt/unworthiness, the young woman, who may be in high school by now, is long into creating a reality matching these signals. The momentum of that reality is so strong by now, it’s pretty much running the show.

As a result, this young woman may experience increasingly “negative” life experiences. But these are just signals too. She may start doing poorly in school. Or she might show behavior problems. Maybe she puts on a lot of weight, eating too much. Or she starves herself becoming paper thin. She may start taking drugs. She may dress a particular way, or hang out with people who resonate with this reality she creates.

These life experiences, which she is creating, also generate a feedback loop. The more she remains in this state and does not do anything about the signals, the more of these kinds of experiences she will have.

By now she might even create situations where she is further sexually abused. She may be raped. She may turn to prostitution. Or she may develop other signals we call “illnesses” such as Fibromyalgia, PTSD, “anxiety disorder” or other “traumas”. All of these are signals, not to others, to herself. Spiritually, emotions are the earliest signals. If ignored, the next level activates: life experiences show up as “louder” signals.

The process works either way. Beliefs create the world you want to see, or the world consistent with your beliefs. That’s why it’s better to bring into alignment your beliefs (your stories) and what you want to see.

Vicious circle born of ignorance

If she tries to treat the signals, masking them by taking drugs or drinking, that’s like trying to turn off the lights at the railroad crossing. She doesn’t get to the foundation of all her life troubles: underlying thoughts and beliefs the signals are pointing to.

If she is oblivious to the connection between her signals and her experiences, she will think the experiences are independent of her and the signals. She’ll compound her problematic beliefs, thinking:

  • “Men are scum”
  • “The world is scary”
  • “I’m afraid”

And create more thoughts consistent with her experience:

  • “I’m a loser”
  • “These are the only friends I can get”
  • “Sex is my only value”
  • “I’ll disappear by eating”

At any time in this process the young woman can turn all this around. But it’s easier to do it in the early stages than it is after reality begins matching the signals.

By the time one reaches the depression signal, turning things around takes longer.

Reversal: omnipresent and available

BTW, all this is subtle. This is why counseling can help because it uncovers many of the original beliefs and experiences that generated the early stage signals. But a person doesn’t need counseling. They can turn this around themselves by focusing on how they’re thinking and change that while paying attention to the signals they’re getting – their feelings and their physical life experiences.

So depression acts as an indicator, helping the creator get back on track when they veer off course. People get stuck in depression (or other negative emotion) when they don’t understand what purpose emotions serve.

The good news is changing course gets really easy with a little practice. And when a person changes their stories about life experience, life experience becomes the Charmed Life I write about. A text from a client who once was on the verge of suicide shows this:

The interesting thing is, the intensity of negative emotion indicates the equal opposite intensity of desire. In other words, those most depressed possess the potential for some of the greatest joys. Their depression indicates HUGE opportunity. If only they turn their stories around.

“Depression”, the signal, can produce great good. For when a person knows what’s shared here and takes action based on it, great good will follow. That’s guaranteed because that’s how the Universe works.

Want to learn more? Schedule a free 1:1 and let’s talk.