This Kid Gets It

My Own StoryThis is pretty damn impressive. Imagine where you’d be if you understood this wisdom at the time when your writing was as shitty as this kid.

Yeah, my handwriting is still this bad and I’m 51. But I blame it on technology and keyboards.

That’s besides the point though right?

The point is, your stories are creating your reality. So if you’re a single Transwoman and you’re bemoaning the fact that there are no men in your area (or in the entire world) who will EVER be interested in you, well, this kid knows more than you do. I’ll clue you in though: you’re creating the situation where there are no men in your area or in the world interested in being with you!

There’s more to it of course. Especially if you’re over 10 years old. That’s because you’ve been living your life unconscious of this simple fact. So there is a lot of unlearning to do. Not to worry. It’s easy. You just need persistence. Oh, and you gotta know the clues which show you’re doing it right.

I can help with that.

How to disappear bigots, ignorance

What people say doesnt mean shitI do mean disappear. As in never having to deal with them ever. Ever.

A lot of transamorous men – those married to transwomen, those dating transwomen and those looking for them – are afraid of “what people will say or do” if they were to publicly acknowledge their love, desire and romantic and sexual attraction to transgender women. What these guys don’t realize is it is exactly that fear that creates situations where they experience instances of stupidity, ignorance and insecurity (incidentally, the same is true for transwomen who fear what others will say or do). Your fears are creating experiences in your life that match them.

A short primer on life, aka “reality”. Ever notice, guys, when you’re thinking about buying a new car and you have the model in mind, seemingly suddenly you start seeing this model car all over? Ever notice how sometimes, maybe not always, you’ll be thinking of someone and sometime later you’ll run into that person or that person will contact you in some way? Well, this is how life is.

People call these things “coincidence.” But they don’t mean what I’m about to describe. Coincidence is the co-located incidence of you and the thing you are most focusing on. Coincidence as most people think about it, is a random, uncontrollable and sometimes uninvited act. But that is not what is happening because nothing about your life is random or uncontrollable.

Your life is a product of what you think and how you feel. That’s it basically. Hard to accept, I know because I refused to accept it for a very long time.

So guess what? If you’re fearing what other people are going to say about you wanting to have sexual experiences with transwomen, if you’re worried about what your parents are going to say if you bring your transgender girlfriend home, guess what? They will! But if you don’t give a fuck, I mean, really don’t care – not in a defensive way with your lower lip all out – guess what? They won’t either.

My family, my coworkers even my wife are all testaments to this. No one in my life batted an eye when I told them. That includes the testosterone-ladened martial arts community I participated in (long enough to earn a 3rd degree black belt by the way). My wife, not being threatened or against my interest is all for my desires. And no, my life isn’t some kind of exception. Well, it is but only because I know my thoughts and focus are creating my experiences.

Let’s take it back to the days when I was insecure about my desires, when I was still in the Marines and worried about what people would think about my romantic interest in transwomen. Back then some of my fellow Marines harassed me for being gay and I didn’t even tell them anything (nor was I gay)! How did they know something was up? I was broadcasting that information from all my pores, or more accurately, through my thoughts, which are physical emanations we all exude.

You’re transmitting your thoughts too. All of them. The minute you start owning your natural normal desire for transwomen, your transmissions will change. When that happens, so will your life. I guarantee it.

And when that happens, all those people you feared would ridicule you for your desire will either change….or disappear from your life.

I can help you.

Inspiration starts here

InspireI love it when momentum gets to the point where people begin recognizing what you’re doing. This week (it’s currently 3/20), I received a kind message. With permission from the author, I’m sharing it here:

Hi Perry,

As a feminine of center person still exploring their gender, I am very interested in what you have to say about improving the dynamics between cismen and transwomen who are interested in one another. I would like it very much if we can bring this out into the open so that the shame of conventional cismen does not translate into disrespect and violence towards transwomen.

But that aside, I feel this is only one specific segment that falls under the implication of transamoury. And I can’t help but notice the disparity between that and your decision to use name of “Transamoury Network.”  Don’t mistake me, I do think the focus you choose is the one most in need of improvement, for many of the reasons you describe elsewhere. And it makes sense to me that you focus on cis  trans, as transpeople *generally* have a better basis from which to relate to each other.

That aside, I think it would be appreciated by those transpeople in between the poles, non-binaries outside of the spectrum, and especially transmen (who are frequently forgotten altogether in these conversations) if material was generated to address their intimate relationships with cispeople. Nor should ciswomen be ignored, as they are equally capable of fetishizing the transgendered (couples seeking ‘passable transwoman’ for hook-up, I’m looking at you).

I know these are outside your experience and what you are able to speak to, nor would I expect/want you to make assumptions about them. But it seems entirely within the realm of possibility that you could invite other bloggers to participate and invite guests or occasional co-hosts who do participate in those dynamics.

Again, I think you are doing very positive work and I am not trying to attack you for having a particular focus. It is merely a concern of mine that the rest of the trans community is not leat behind. For all I know you may already be considering the suggestions I have made. I am new to this particular conversation and will try to investigate it further as I am able to.

All the best,
S.H.

What’s really cool is the Transamorous Network eventually will encompass all populations in the Trans community and beyond. S.H. gets it though: I need to start somewhere. Starting with something I’m most familiar with made sense.

With two transwomen who get what I’m offering so inspired they agreed to host the podcast, that alone is remarkable.  We’re inspiring every podcast guest too. Everyone is inspired. Even me.

I believe every transcommunity member came into the world to inspire.  I created the Transamorous Network to show everyone how inspiring they actually are. My co-hosts get it. My podcast guests are getting it.

Will you be next?

Transamorous Men: Ten truths about us

 

Transamorous men youre not alone

There are a lot of us.

There are a lot of us in the closet.

The more of us who acknowledge to the world our love, the more of us will come out.

Transwomen suffer because a lot of us are in the closet.

We hold the key to ending a lot of suffering.

By being honest and open about who we are, we change society and the world.

We are awesomely unique.

We have a historical role to play.

We deserve to live in freedom and joy

We are men.

Our podcast is coming

  Our latest Transamorous Network Podcast episode is done. Just two more before we go live with the first three. Our co-hosts and our latest guest Christie (far right). 

Stay tuned for our launch next month!