Category: Transamorous men

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When You Suspect Your Husband Is Trans-Attracted

The Transamorous Network
The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy.

Dear The Transamorous Network

I am married to a man who has had sexual encounters with trans women. He says it was out of curiosity and he has satisfied that curiosity but I find that hard to believe.

Later, he admitted that he thinks he may still harbor that attraction. I’m not sure how to feel about it. I have so many questions. I don’t want to push him into a conversation about it because I need him to come to terms with it without me forcing him to.

I love him very much, but I think that his attraction is not fleeting and he is only suppressing it. I haven’t made a decision on the future of our relationship since for me, there is so much more I want to know. There isn’t much information I have been able to find on these interwebs and I have no one to discuss this with since he doesn’t want anyone to know. Ladies that have experienced this, I feel your pain, but in no way do I believe his attraction to trans women is a reflection upon me. You offered to have a private conversation with another commenter and wondered if you would be willing to extend that to me as well.

Yolanda

Hey Yolanda,

Yes, anyone can contact me for a free initial conversation.

It’s awesome, and a testament to your capacity for loving, that you bring curiosity instead of judgement and anger to your husband’s struggle. It’s important that wives of trans-attracted men realize what you already know:

  1. That trans-attraction says NOTHING about you as a female, your desirability or anything else about you. It is all about the guy.
  2. That your husband likely has struggled with his trans-attraction for a very long time.

Both of my clients who are married, married their wives knowing full well they were trans attracted. In one case, the guy didn’t want to lose what he thought was a marvelous woman. I’m sure his wife IS marvelous, but marrying someone in fear that if you don’t, you’re going to lose them not only is scarcity thinking, it’s also extremely invalidating to the person you’re marrying. You’re not giving that person a chance to know who you really are and who – exactly – are they marrying?

Trans-attraction is serious business. It’s not something to think about casually. It’s not going to go away. Though some men – including some who contribute comments to this blog – are fine with their attraction while being married to females, most can’t handle the personal dissonance.

Scarcity thinking is rampant. Does a female (a cis-woman) really need to feel she must stick with someone who naturally isn’t attracted to her? Must a trans-attracted man really “settle” for something that doesn’t match what he is attracted to? In both cases, the answer is a resounding NO.

You can have any kind of lover you want!

No matter how long a female has been married to someone, there is always someone else coming who will love them as well or better. That’s just how the Universe works!

I don’t blame people for all the scarcity thinking though, the fear that has them act now, but then later down the line have to deal with consequences of acting in fear. Because if you don’t know how the Universe works, the world can be a very scary place. Especially in the realm of relationships.

Sounds like you don’t have those fears Yolanda. That’s why I’m eager for our conversation!

TTN

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Why A Passable Trans Girl Might Not Make You Happy

Let’s face it: not every transgender woman is passable. But that needn’t pose problems for trans women or trans-attracted men. In fact, it can be the best thing ever for both parties, if both parties get over stories blocking the best relationship ever. At The Transamorous Network we show people how to get over those stories.

Tiffany sure gets it. She’s a Transamorous Network client and last week we concluded in a recent 1:1 session of hers that trans-attracted men and trans women both struggle over many common stories. Stories about trans-attracted men, masculinity, femininity, passing, topping and desires both transgender women and trans-attracted men share.

For example, it seems some trans-attracted men want what some trans women don’t want. Is that true? Or is there more to the story?

We enjoyed exploring those and many other answers. Sharing them might open some minds so we included takes in a shortened session video.

Trans-attracted men – lets get real

Take note my brothers. If you believe you can’t find a trans woman who will be with you, you’re right. Such beliefs keep you from getting what you want.

In other words, if you believe you can’t find a trans woman who will be with you, then what you want, and what you believe conflict. That conflict leaves you stuck in perpetual frustration.

The way out involves finding harmony between what you believe and what you want.

The trouble is, most trans-attracted men won’t reconcile what they want and what they believe. So they struggle…alone.

Bro, if you want that beautiful transgender woman, you gotta reconcile your resistance and your desire. There are plenty of trans women out there who will give you exactly what you want. Mainly because they enjoy it too.

Trans-attracted men don’t want what they want.

But if you think you’re going to find a super-passable trans woman, who also will top you with their penis…if they got one…good luck with that. We explain why in the video above.

Getting what you want is impossible if you’re looking for something that contradicts what you believe. Yet so many men do exactly that. They look for something in total contradiction with what they believe. Then complain when they can’t find what they want.

The trans woman you want is not going to be one waging chemical warfare on their testosterone. Not if you want her topping you. And most really passable trans women get that way by blocking hormones responsible for topping behavior.

The good news: you can get what you want in love and get it through a trans girl. But you must be willing to give up something: either your desire…or your belief.

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Happy Stories Make Wonderful Cis-Trans Relationships

Photo by Christopher Beloch on Unsplash

I love it when my clients send messages between sessions showing they’re putting what they learn from The Transamorous Network to practice. It’s even more fun seeing them getting awesome results.

I think any transgender woman would love loving a guy like my client DW. Recently DW met a trans girl who is a perfect match to what he’s asked for. She’s happy, smart, well spoken, hot (to him), fun, playful, and likes that he’s been totally transparent about what he wants.

Of course, that transparency comes from learning to tell positive stories, seeing results from doing that and therefore gaining confidence in being transamorous. Telling such stories, DW knows, made him a perfect match for Kim (not her real name). That’s why DW and Kim spent hours together via text, then on the phone, then on video every day early on.

“We can’t call each other spontaneously,” DW said. “Because we know we’ll spend hours together. We have to schedule our calls instead.”

Cute.

Transamory means owning one’s stories

After excitedly talking about Kim one session, DW sent a wonderful text message. The message showed not only how consciously and deliberately DW is implementing what he learned in his sessions, it shows how great the work works!

Clients learn, in session, how stories create reality. When they see evidence proving this statement true, clients, knowing what they learned, get excited. Seeing the work work is intoxicating. Especially when it comes to catching one’s old stories, doing something productive about them and seeing positive results.

Such acts also create empowerment, enthusiasm and joy where there might have been insecurity, shame, fear or frustration. DW’s text perfectly shows this in action. Check it out:

Joe catches his negative story (about himself) in action, then diffuses it like a boss!

It’s never about what it’s about

Bad behavior seems to happen in reaction to what someone observes. It might be something someone says or does, how they look, or maybe even something they don’t do that triggers bad behavior.

“Bad behavior” doesn’t have to be physical action. It can be subtle. Like DW here feeling himself pull away. You can bet at spiritual levels Kim felt that too, although she probably didn’t consciously register it.

But whenever someone “reacts” they’re not reacting to what’s happening. They’re reacting to their story about what’s happening. That’s why most people think their lives consist of random event patterns, some good, some bad, with a preponderance of one or the other. They think their life (their creation) is out of their control. So when they react they think they’re reacting to something out of their control.

When a person learns they’re creating their reality, they learn they control what happens to them. They learn to catch the “creation” early – like DW is doing above. Doing that, they realize they have far more control over their life than they thought. Including their dating life.

People literally can create any reality they want. Unless they think that’s impossible. But, “that’s impossible” is a story. A story creating realities matching it.

See how it works?

You get what you tell stories about

That’s why I say to everyone stories matter. What one thinks about is what they get whether wanted or not.

Understand this, do something about it and watch life how how well it works.

Seeing that, life gets fun. A person can’t help becoming happy. Like DW here. The more that happens, the more life will bring more things matching that happiness.

Each life is each person’s oyster. The question is what are individuals doing with their lives? For my clients, they’re creating their best lives. You can too.

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Why Transgender And Trans-Attracted Love Is Powerful

We’ve said over and over that transgender woman and trans-attracted men potentially change the world for the better. We’ve also said how each transgender woman is special and mentioned the special role they play.

It’s likely no surprise to some transgender women that this is so. After all, early civilizations venerated trans people, saw them as more than ordinary humans and treated them as such.

But looking at how transgender women carry themselves in the world today, how they think about themselves, how they think about men who find them attractive, you’d think (mostly correctly) that many transgender women today don’t venerate themselves.

We created The Transamorous Network to help change that.

You don’t get it…until you do

It took our podcast co-host Remy a single tea date and reading our guides to get who she was. Two years later, she changed her life. She went from believing all men are scum to living her life powerfully, including drawing to her a man who moved across the country to marry her.

Today, more than two years later, they’re still married.

In the seed of every transgender woman a powerful, world-changing being lurks. Same is so for trans-attracted men.

But feeling shameful or insecure about being different or fearing what others think about your difference generates experiences counter to who transgender women and trans-attracted men really are. So too when trans women try extracting positive compliments from others, such as “passable/not passable?” or “fuckable/not fuckable?”

Such playful-seeming actions on the part of transgender women mask insecurity. No one who loves themselves cares about what others think about them.

Recently, Tiffany, a Transamorous Network 1:1 client asked about this “specialness”. She wanted more about how transgender women, and by extension, trans-attracted men, are special, world changers, here to help humanity become more and better by themselves living their authenticity.

Here’s how that conversation went.

Words shared in this conversation mean little. But when life shows a transgender woman or a trans-attracted man these word’s accuracy, then the person hearing them, and experiencing life consistent with them, becomes absolutely convinced they are world-leaders here for a big purpose.

And along with that purpose comes the potential to fulfill every desire.

Positive stories will prove life convincing

But unless a transgender woman or trans-attracted man has personal experiences in their own lives like Transamorous Network clients, or like Remy has had, it’s hard to believe.

It’s only hard to believe because each person creates reality consistent with stories they tell. If, for example, a transgender woman believes they aren’t worthy of being loved by a man, or if a man believes he can’t find a trans woman who will love him for who he is…then both create realities consistent with those beliefs.

A transgender woman on Facebook complaining via her negative stories about men (and another transgender woman endorsing this story). It’s no wonder she struggles finding a man. The stories she tells aren’t consistent with what she wants.

Standing in those realities, I get why transgender women complain, bicker, call all men fetishizers, closeted gays or worse. I also understand why men seeking transgender women call the objects of their affection skeezers, gold-diggers, drama queens or worse.

Such labels spring from knee-jerk reactions indicating displeasure with realities each person is creating. The problem though is a person can’t change a reality they’re constantly complaining about.

It’s easy to get what you want

Getting what you want is supposed to be effortless, fun and guaranteed. Who stands between you and getting what you want? No one but you. So getting what you want is as easy as getting out of your own way and letting it happen.

It’s the “letting it happen” that’s hard. Most people aren’t willing to do that. Most want to “make it happen”, which is why so many people are dating online. They don’t believe life can lead them directly to their lover, so they get in there and try to do it.

Or they’re too impatient. They tell stories about running out of time, being too old, or worse – that they are beyond an age where they’re still attractive.

That’s why so many relationships suck. People push against what should be easy, thus making it really hard.

Letting it happen doesn’t mean sitting on your ass and waiting for that man or woman to come to you, although some waiting is required. Letting it happens means learning how “letting it happen” works, then stepping into one’s power, and using levers everyone comes equipped with to create a reality of one’s choosing.

Then everything happens in magical ways. Only it’s not magic.

Transgender women and trans-attracted men are on the forward edge of what it is to be human. It sucks being trans or trans-attracted when you don’t know that, and don’t own it.

Own it though and the world becomes your oyster.

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How To Get The Love You Want – Trans Or Trans-Attracted.

Getting the love you want is not rocket science. Getting the love you want can mean getting EVERYTHING you want in love, no compromises. But first, you must stop compromising! At The Transamorous Network we help with that.

Getting what you want means you have to be happy. That’s because, more than anything, what you want is a happy relationship. If you’re not a match to that, you can’t have it.

At The Transamorous Network we cajole people into working with us by first focusing on relationships. But we also work on everything else, especially with being happy. Because if you’re not happy, you’re a match to others who aren’t happy. If you’re complaining about what you get in relationships, you’re a match to that. You can’t get a wonderful relationship when you complain about the sucky relationship, or no-relationship, you have.

At The Transamorous Network we fix that. Then, everything else follows easily, just like Tiffany says above. You can have the relationship you want. First you have to become a match to that. At The Transamorous Network we show you how.