Trans-Attracted Men: Don’t Hate On Your Love

The Transamorous Network
The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy.

Dear The Transamorous Network,

I’ve been on the site and after I put a reply to the topic of being trans attracted while being married, I looked at some earlier exchanges, most notably from two cisgender women who are wives of men who are trans attracted. Their responses were striking. It made me question my place in this community because I do not share some of the sentiments. Yes, I do have the shared attraction to trans women, however I am not in a situation where my wife doesn’t fulfill my needs. Nor do I compare my wife to trans women. My attraction to trans women is just that, an attraction. I’ve noticed this about myself, however I have no desire to act on it. I also have an attraction to Asian women and have for years, however again, I have no desire to act on that either nor do I compare my wife to Asian women. I do not judge the men who feel differently and I do not consider myself any better than them, but I am beginning to question as to if this is the right community because my opinion on this matter may not be received well. I feel that some may jump to the conclusion that I may be in some moral high ground based in religion, however that couldn’t be farther from the truth because I am an Atheist and proud to be. My opinion about this topic is MY opinion and I wouldn’t want anyone to perceive that everyone should feel the same way. It’s just that I’ve been on the receiving end of comparison by someone that I’ve trust my heart to and it only adds to the self-hatred. So I totally empathize with [The women] from [the comments section] and I feel bad that they are going through what they are describing. Anyway, thanks for listening.


Dear Austin,

Thanks for your letter/email. Yes, the responses from cis women who discovered their husbands were/are trans attracted are striking. No doubt about that. That said, their comments have nothing to do with or have anything to say about whether or not you have a “place” in the “community” that is The Transamorous Network.

Just because there are divergent opinions doesn’t mean one opinion is better than the other. Nor does it mean that one opinion gets to say whether or not another opinion belongs. You have contributed greatly to the conversation and I would encourage you to continue to do so.

Who cares if somebody jumps to the conclusion that you have some sort of moral high ground? Isn’t that their story? That has nothing to do with whether you actually do or not. Or whether you believe you do or not.

What people are going through is what they’re going through. The women complaining about their husbands likely have a lot more happening than their men being trans-attracted.

What they’re going through is a result of the stories they are telling themselves. Period. There’s no doubt in my mind that both woman knew what they were getting into at some level. It may not have been conscious of it, but they knew. That’s because everyone is a match to whoever they’re meeting. If this weren’t accurate, then what I share with clients would not work.

But what I show my clients does work, 100 percent of the time. So it must be accurate that wives of trans-attracted men, at some level, knew about their husband’s trans attraction.

The fact that they are blaming their husbands just shows how much they continue concealing what they knew from themselves.

Stick around. Or not. Either way do it from an empowered place, not from feeling you must leave because others aren’t happy with what you share.


You gotta get this…

We know there are only two things that are important in life. One: realizing reality springs from stories we tell about it. The other is: we are special. And so are you! Our second season drops starting this weekend. Catch us on our Facebook page, YouTube and your favorite podcast platform.

We know there are only two things that are important in life. One: realizing reality springs from stories we tell about it. The other is: we are special. And so are you! Our second season drops starting this weekend. Catch us on our Facebook page, YouTube and your favorite podcast platform.

We’re back….

Just in time for summer. Just in time for Pride. It’s season two. Watch our promo here. Episode one drops this weekend!


Welcome To A New Season

Season Two

It’s Season Two of The Transamorous Network. Welcome.

We’re bringing changes to our content making our material easier, more consistent and with more content variety. There are great changes coming. That’s what this post is about.

Rhythmic Changes Mean More And Better

I know. It’s been a while since we produced a show. To be honest, we had a long run of shows…over a hundred. All in a couple years.

Remy and I interviewed great guests, including a famous political operative and a famous actress.

That rhythm, frankly, couldn’t be sustained. So we took a break after all those podcast and YouTube episodes and all those Facebook Live shows. We’re taking a different approach this year.

That approach copies existing successful programs. We’ll produce somewhere between 10 and 15 episodes each season. With one season per year. This way, you get consistent content in a format you’re used to. This will help organize our episode line-up too.  And Remy and I can have some down time.

Most future interviews will be in person rather than over the internet. That limits us to local area guests, unless we meet a compelling person online we must interview. We think in-person guests make the experience more interesting.

Remy’s gorgeous mug.

Another thing you’ll see is Remy doing most of the guest interviews solo. I want to be more “behind the camera”, guiding and directing, developing the organization and handling content scheduling, program editing and community networking. I’m not opposed to a transgender person taking my place in front of the camera. But for now, nothing is planned.

Remy and I will still do “between the guest” shows where she and I talk about current news, culture and a main topic we talk about. But expect Remy to be the main (solo) host.

It’s All Good News

We also are expanding our guest line up beyond transgender women and trans attracted men. Transgender men and other community members including allies and supporting organizations will be guests going forward. Including more of the LGBTQIA community in our guest representation makes sense given feedback we’ve gotten over time. Expect more variety in our guest line-up.

Remy really liked the Facebook Live program. But again, honestly, it was a lot of work every week. We may bring that show back. Maybe not.

Meantime, look for us on YouTube, the podcast and our blog later this year, likely just in time for summer.

Our Season Two guest schedule is pretty full. But we’re always interested in potential guest. So if you have anyone you think might make a good guest, let us know.

So that’s it for now. We know our content benefits many. We’re excited to keep doing that.

Transgender Women Perpetuate Toxic Masculinity? Some Do, Yes

Dating choices FB blog
The type of men you go after says a lot more about you than anything else. But it also can perpetuate exactly what you’d like to see less of in the world.

Yes, it’s true: some transgender women are as complicit in perpetuating toxic masculinity as men. But those transgender women doing it aren’t aware they’re doing it.

Frankly, we’re not even sure the men are aware. But that’s another story.

We’ve offered many times a unique perspective on cis-trans dynamics – ways both parties in seeking partners behave – which perpetuate toxic masculinity.

Recently we discussed this from the trans-attracted male’s perspective. No doubt, these men sometimes do their part to perpetuate toxic masculine attitudes and behaviors. Particularly the “alpha male” variety – those men some transgender women desire most.

That post was a promo for our recently-released YouTube and Podcast episode. We featured Tommy Matt, an activist in many areas and a strong proponent for transgender rights. Particularly transgender women and transgender women of color.

Tommy also is a self-declared, trans-attracted man.

Tommy speaks definitively, clearly describing the role toxic masculinity plays in cis-trans relationships and potential relationships. While Tommy focuses on the men, Remy, our show co-host, does an outstanding job highlighting transgender women’s role in perpetuating toxic masculinity saying “…it takes two. Every relationship is a dance between two people’s stories.”

The conversation struck a chord for one transgender female viewer who felt strongly enough to share her opinion. It’s powerful enough to repeat here:

“…trans women are sometimes just as guilty as cis men of perpetuating toxic standards of masculinity. But, because gender is a construct and because it’s how we communicate beyond words, toxically masculine men are a cheap way to highlight (if not affirm) a trans woman’s femininity. In other words, a cis man’s perhaps extreme or exaggerated concept of his own masculinity can be attractive, soothing, and/or satisfying to an albeit insecure trans woman because she believes she looks even more feminine around him than she does around a cis man generally perceived as less masculine. I think this phenomenon exists between insecure cis folk too. But, consider that that insecurity is pronounced for those who suffer from gender dysphoria.”

There’s a lot of truth to be explored in this.

Watch the entire interview: