How To Stop Ruining The Holidays

Photo by David Everett Strickler on Unsplash

Editor’s note: The holidays suck for many trans people, especially those estranged from families. We’re sharing this Positively Focused holiday post because it can inspire those struggling during the holidays to transform old stories into new ones and create whole new relationships with the holidays.

The holidays used to suck. My emotional pain so grated on me that I forswore holiday celebrations of all kinds once on my own.

That was before attaining enlightenment.

Now, I recognize I create my reality. Since the past is just another reality, I also re-create my past. That’s what happened this holiday season.

I’m sharing this for the many people who, like me, struggle with holidays. I know now “struggle” is optional. No matter how bad I used to feel, this year, I’m having the best Thanksgiving ever, in large part thanks to my house mate, who I’ll call Kimberly.

I’m going to relate how I transformed my holiday experience while interspersing some theory. If you want to know how all this works as a cohesive living approach I call Positively Focused, please visit my website. There you can schedule a free 30-minute 1:1 in which I’ll answer any questions at no cost to you.

How I transformed the Thanksgiving holiday in less than 15 minutes.

My house mate Kimberly is a manifestation I created after a wonderful ordeal involving previous house mates. In January I’ll tell that story.

Kimberly’s arrival fulfilled many desires. I know though that all fulfilled desires contain within them seeds for more consciousness expansion. That usually looks like “negative” experiences, although they aren’t that. Indeed, what happened Thanksgiving morning was perfect.

Excitement filled our little home the night before. We bought an enormous turkey, planned several decadent side dishes and even went in together on a new projector to watch Killing Eve and Uncle Frank, Amazon’s new feel-good holiday movie.

Settled in for the night, we anticipated a wonderful morning cooking food, listening to music and generally enjoying time together.

That’s not what happened, at first

I’m an early riser. Kimberly usually wakes later. I got up eager for our culinary adventure. But as I got things ready, I noticed she had made a bag of popcorn late last night. That meant, I realized, that she might not get up early enough.

Little did I know she had planned on joining me. She even set an alarm. But something went wrong. Little did I know how “going wrong” presents enormous gifts.

For hours I relished the morning, preparing our dishes. As turkey dressing time neared though, Kimberly’s absence loomed large. Where was she?

*My veggie medley and the au gratin all ready to eat. Ignore the sponge on the range 😂*

It was a passing thought at first. Then it turned into worry. Then it turned into resentment. Kimberly wasn’t meeting my expectations, expectations I thought we shared.

That’s not her purpose though

Kimberly need not meet my expectations. No one lives to meet my expectations. When I got that a while ago, I mostly stopped resenting people when they did their own thing.

Everyone comes into reality pursuing their fulfillment, whatever that looks like. The paradox is, when a person shows up in my reality, pursuing their fulfillment, I know now they aren’t real, objective people. Instead, they reflect back to me beliefs I hold in my Belief Constellation even while they pursue individual self-fulfillment.

Other people (as well as everything else in my reality) are physicalized versions of beliefs active in me. I tested this over several years. Improving my beliefs always changed people’s behavior, especially the way they treated me.

Today, people in my life are angels. They show me active beliefs in my Moment of Becoming on their way to becoming my tangible reality. Realities I want I welcome. Realities I don’t want I know I can do something about.

Here’s what that looks like

I knew from years of Positively Focused practice that resentment and worry had nothing to do with Kimberly. Instead they indicated beliefs active that drew into my now, an experience I preferred not having.

Realizing that I did something about it. First, I looked inside to see what thoughts/beliefs I activated. After all, I had enjoyed, up to that moment, being in the kitchen by myself, making all this food my way, without having to compromise anything about what I was doing. It was fun!

My exploration showed old beliefs I created as a kid active in my now. They were about my parents, my family and holidays with them. That’s when Kimberly offered an amazing opportunity. I could clean up those old beliefs and, simultaneously, clean up how I experienced my now, create better future experiences and transform the past too!

Once I got that I stopped preparing meals. I went to my room, set a 15 minute timer, then went into deliberate focus. In that focus I realized/remembered the following:

Kimberly is a manifestation. She is not real.
Kimberly is a manifestation of my entire Belief Constellation embodied in an apparition in my evolving now consciousness.
As such, constructively using realizations represents allows stronger connections with my Personal Trinity. Reacting any other way creates unwanted futures.
Kimberly’s choices are hers and those acts aren’t about me. But make them about me when I interpret them as such!

Such a wonderful gift.

Circumstances in life do this all day every day. People, objects, experiences all are physical representations of my ongoing beliefs.

For better or worse, most people don’t know this, so they interact with their reality as though it is separate, an objective reality apart from who they are, what they are and what they’re believing.

Even among those who know physical reality is a mirror of one’s internal reality, few know what to do with that information.

Those who don’t know struggle with all kinds of mental and emotional traumas, with few remedies other than iffy mental health therapies which often stretch over years and produce scant lasting results.

Rather than taking these wonderful gifts evidenced in people, places, objects and events, for granted, humans can use them for personal transformation. Done diligently, such transformation also transforms ordinary life into the Charmed Life I share with my clients.

Seeing Kimberly as a transformational opportunity also let’s her off the hook. She can be how she’s being and in the absence of me making her wrong, she becomes the angel she is, but only when I see her from my Inner Being perspective, my Broader Perspective which sees everything in reality as blessed, perfectly unfolding and beneficial to all the Universe.

Creating awesome from ordinary

The moment I tuned into my Inner Being, the discomfort, angst and resentment lifted. It was crazy how fast and complete it was! One moment it was there, the next POOF! Totally abscent.

What flowed in its place were thoughts about how wonderful this experience turned out to be, how good realizing that felt, and how remarkable I was as a deliberate creator creating this experience. I felt compelled to voice these thoughts:

Wow, I feel much better.
This is so much better than how I felt before.
Those old beliefs soothed in my awareness placed on more empowering thoughts.
I am having a good time creating a new reality with just my awareness.
I get that my reality is my creation, including other people in my reality.

Then I started thinking about the meal I’m preparing:

This meal is going to be really good!
The au gratin smells delicious!
So do the roasted veggies!
The stuffing is going to be good too!

Then came the extraordinary convergence of reality matching my new perspective: At that exact point in time, Kimberly came bounding down the stairs. I heard her walk into the kitchen from inside my basement space. Then she sent me a text:

Trippy! The very moment I tuned into these better-feeling thoughts, my experience of Kimberly shifted. A new reality showed up including a different Kimberly!

Nevertheless I wanted to amplify how good I felt. It felt so good. These thoughts flowed next…

That’s so cool what just happened.
I shifted my reality!
And my apparitions shifted too.
What I’m discovering is so accurate.
I love my Inner Being relationship!

I felt waaaay better by now.

In that moment I returned to my original bliss. I realized too my old beliefs transformed as well: I see them now as having created experiences long ago that, I was destined to shift, in my now, my current Thanksgiving; and in doing so transforming my past holiday experiences, my present one and all future ones.

I have wonderful new memories about the holidays. Memories made more powerful because they sprung from enlightened consciousness. I know thoughts born from enlightened consciousness are far more powerful than those born out of it.

I also now know that I’ve transformed past, present and future in one fell swoop. I know it because I feel it.

What does it feel like? It feels like Joyful invincibility.

October 27, 2020October 10, 2020

Here’s How Stories Create Reality

At The Transamorous Network we talk about stories – beliefs a person holds – creating reality. Today I’ll share what happened recently that shows how stories work. Once a person learns how to tell positive stories, that person discovers they are blessed by Universe, because Universe fulfills all stories, whether wanted or not.

I wrote an essay for a LGBTQ anthology coming out later this year. My editor asked for a better headline. The original didn’t pop, she said.

Knowing what I know, I first created a story where the perfect headline would come to me. Old habits are just that though, so moments later, I was scribbling several ideas on my note app, trying to coax a good idea for a headline. I was doing life the old way instead of using the power of stories.

*Essay Titles I created while putting effort into it, instead of using the power of stories.*

Trying to make something happen is the hard way. And it felt hard. So I wrote back to my editor. I told her I’d get back to her. Take some time, She wrote back.

Days later, I created a new story wherein I received what I asked for: a wonderful headline, one my editor would love. One that would pop.

A couple days after that, I re-read my essay. It’s so good. It’s a true story about an adventure a Transamorous Network client and I experienced. My client is a transgender woman. The essay describes how she created stories that allowed her to get several amazing things she wanted in her life.

While reading my essay “Life IS Joy” popped out. I sent that to my editor, even though I didn’t like it all that much.

That “not liking it all that much” was a clue…a clue I missed.

My editor didn’t like it either, which figured. Her dislike reflected my own. Reality will show you what your stories are, often through other people’s behavior.

My editor suggested something catchier, something with a play on words:

Nothing came up when I focused, so I just let go. I figured Universe would bring me a perfect headline.

That’s what happened…

Last night I watched a favorite James Bond movie for the umpteenth time. A Quantum of Solace it’s called. I enjoyed watching it. I enjoy luxuries Bond enjoys surrounding himself in. People in the movie are pleasant to watch too.

Then I went to bed, blissful in positive focus.

The next morning (the day I’m writing this), the phrase “A Universal Solace” came to mind. My immediate reaction was: hey that’s kinda good. Then I poo-pooed it as too obvious a play on “Quantum of Solace”.

But then I thought “wait a minute! This is what I asked for!”

Tentatively, I looked up the word “Solace”. It perfectly fit what happens in the essay. The main character discovers comfort and love through telling stories which create several realities she wants.

So “A Universal Solace” came into my reality exactly as my stories foretold: easily, with no effort!

I sent the new headline to my editor. Here’s what she said.

To recap: I wanted a great headline and knew I’d get one relying on stories I created. But then old habits asserted themselves. I tried doing it on my own. I noticed how hard it was trying to do that, then trusted my feelings instead. I trusted my stories would create the reality I wanted, and that’s exactly what happened.

What happened next: even better

Weeks ago I got an impulse that my essay could become a full-length book and/or a movie. I wanted to send my editor a note about that, but held off.

After getting her email above, I sent her two more emails, one replying to her acknowledging the new headline:

and another offering to work together on more projects:

Here’s what she wrote back:

Universe stands ready to do the work for you.

I marvel at this because I love writing. I always have. I love telling stories through various ways; through illustrations, film/video, through speeches and presentations and of course through words.

My life as a story is worthy of being told. And here is my editor urging me in this direction, just as an angel of the Universe would.

This path unfolding before me, filled with so much of what I’m wanting, feels ecstatic. All of it is unfolding aligned with talents and passions I already have, not something I learned in school, but something inherently me.

It’s all coming from my inner knowing, tied to my authentic self. I tell my clients their authenticity is from where their prosperity and joy emerges. My life offers living proof, not only for me, but for my clients too. Universe loves me.

It loves you too. Just as you are.

October 13, 2020October 10, 2020

Transgender Diversity Dominates

Fascination grows in me the more I work with trans and trans-attracted people. There’s no such thing as homogeneity anywhere. That includes trans and trans-attracted populations.

Not all transgender women, for example, believe an “inner female is struggling to get out” of me. I get how a trans person might feel that way. What I’m seeing though tells me that statement says more about how the speaker sees the world than it describes what’s happening.

I’m realizing there is no “male” or “female”. There’s just what is. I wonder if, when a trans woman says something like “I feel like a woman”, what that really is is a statement approximating what they feel, compared to what they see. They see people they resonate with, who appear “female”, so they conclude that’s what they are.

Transgender dissonance

I attended a discussion group at my local Q center. Some transgender attendees confided their bafflement over how out-of-place they felt in their transitioned gender. Both transgender men AND trans women in this group described how different cis-men and women were from them.

The speakers found it difficult relating to dynamics within and among these groups, indicating perhaps that the speakers were not “male” or “female” as they thought they were, but instead were something different. Something more.

Three experiences, two with clients and another with someone I spoke on the phone yesterday adds more complexity.

My first client enjoys creating a future in which he expresses a wonderful gender blend. He relishes expressing combinations representing traditional “male” and “female” social markers: breasts, a peak-toned, muscular, yet slender physique, hairless scalp, eyeliner, and a delicate frilly blouse and skirt. He will pull it off too. He looks good. This client rejects the idea of “a woman trapped in a man’s body” he hears so much among transgender women he hangs with. He feels being trans is more than that.

I agree.

The other client clearly expresses feminine traits, yet she rejects her developing breasts. In her best moments, she relishes her expression somewhere between “male” and “female” too. She’s impatient to have her Adam’s apple reduced, but likes other features marking her as “male”. Her authenticity conflicts with her dating stories: she believes most men look for “women”. They’re not interested, she believes, in someone somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.

I totally disagree, of course. Matches exist for every expression.

so, upheld how diverse “transgender” really is. He knows himself as trans, yet doesn’t dress en femme as much as he wears “men’s” clothes. He is calm with where he is. Not a single transitionary step piqued his interest yet. And while he enjoys attention and conversation with trans-attracted men, he doesn’t enjoy anal sex. That’s quite a perspective.

More are on the way

An intuitive hit tells me our age now allows all kinds of expressions, especially when it comes to presenting gender and orientation, but not only that. Social churn we’re seeing today I believe stems from humanity growing through greater clarity. It knows there’s more to what we as humans allowed in the past. More diversity, not less, is on the way. In that, there’s not only no binary, there’s no right way.

I think about the person I talked with on the phone. I thought how he will meet men who will find attractive his desire to present sometimes as male, sometimes as a woman. A match exists for everyone.

That conversation prompted this post. He said, it’s hard finding people to befriend, even though he lives in Los Angeles, a Mecca of sorts for LGBT people. He said he feels uncomfortable and alone because he doesn’t see anyone like him: people who share his perspective, his unique expression focus.

Trans is a leading edge

Perhaps that’s because he’s here to lead the way? What if by virtue of living his authentic life, he made space for others to do the same?

Maybe the one reason this guy sees no examples of who he feels he is is because society is only just now opening its eyes to humanity’s authentic expression: it’s never been about “male” and “female”.

So while a lot of people rail over and push against society about how “trans women are WOMEN”, that doesn’t even begin to tell the whole story.

Trans people are divine, eternal beings. Like all people, they can’t be put in ANY kind of box.

Let them be free. If you’re trans or trans-attracted free yourself. “Gay or straight” is a box. “Trans women are women” is a box. No matter how comfortable one may feel it.

Free yourself and watch how great diversity that is you shines, and in that shining you’ll shape humanity to more truly reflect All That Is. Doing that you’ll not only find freedom, you’ll find joy too.

August 11, 2020August 11, 2020

How to create the partner you want transgender or trans-attracted

This is one of our 1:1 clients. He is in early stages of his transgender transformation (He prefers he/him pronouns for now).

Like all of our clients he is getting immediate results in creating the relationship he wants. This is why we guarantee our results.

Our client is in a relationship with his son’s mother. Their relationship had been very rocky because our client was telling rocky stories about himself, about her and about his relationship. In three sessions, after cleaning up some of his unhelpful stories, his son’s mother started acting different.

In this clip, you can hear how he is settling into the fact that stories not only create one’s reality, they create people in reality too. Our client is now on his way to his dreams. He’s excited about the path and finds the work exhilarating, even while recognizing the work, in his words, can be a “blessing and a curse.”

We would say the work puts our clients where they belong: at the center of the Universe, ongoingly creating the Universe that surrounds them. From there it does seem like a blessing…when they’re creating their Universe on purpose.

When they don’t create on purpose, as our client says here, it becomes curse. The more our clients discover the joy of living through stories about what they want, living lives through stories they don’t want feels awful. But that’s good too. How else are our clients supposed to know when they’re creating on purpose, or creating through obliviousness?

Become a The Transamorous Network client and watch how not only your love life improves, but so does everything else in your Universe. Click this link to find out more

April 7, 2020April 8, 2020

Ten Reasons To Appreciate COVID-19

Editor’s note: Angry about this headline? Check your stories. Your stories – thoughts you think and beliefs you hold – create your life experience. Including who you meet and how those relationships go. Looking for the love of your life, that perfect partner you want? Then first you must become that which you want. If this headline freaks you out, you’re not doing that. That is why you can’t find your transgender or cis-male partner. 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾

Everything works out because that’s how life works. All relationships work out, even pain in the ass, always arguing, never-having-sex relationships. Even cis-trans relationships.

But if I tell stories consistent with the struggle, the fighting, the no-sex experience, I get more of that. I get more of that because I create life experience.

So what about COVID-19? If I create life experience what’s up with COVID-19? Most people struggle when told they create negative life experience. Facing a pandemic, it seems foolish thinking such thoughts.

“You’re blaming the victim” goes the tired, knee-jerk response, a response springing from beliefs in a random, objective reality separate from what we are.

Nearly everyone believes the physical world and humans exist independently. So when told they create the physical world they inhabit, this trope spills from people’s mouths out like vomit: involuntarily.

The pandemic sweeping the globe, triggering people’s fears and worries, springs from our collective focus. It’s both a culmination and a beginning. Results coming from it loudly and clearly indicate a shift towards better futures for everyone. That’s obvious, when telling the right stories.

COVID-19 presents great positive opportunity. It must, because everything works out. In these positive stories, I see awesome ways in which COVID-19 benefits us all. Here are ten. There are many more.

markus-spiske-r1BS0pzlr1M-unsplash — Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

1. We’re all in this together

COVID-19 reveals something we know, but ignore: we’re all on the same planet and we create our individual AND our collectively reality. One person’s actions affect the entire planet. That’s always happening. This pandemic clarifies our connectedness. On the plus side, that means one person’s act can change the world for the better as it can do the opposite. That’s good news!

branimir-balogovic-fAiQRv7FgE0-unsplash — Photo by Branimir Balogović on Unsplash

2. It’s bringing out the best of us

I’ve seen police serenading neighborhoods from empty streets in Italy, medical personnel acting heroically in hospitals, storeowners setting aside special elderly shopping hours. We’ve gotten back in touch with each other and our communities. We’re greeting each other more (from six feet away). It’s a good thing.

david-veksler-0UF_vme6lJ8-unsplash — Photo by David Veksler on Unsplash

3. We’re rethinking priorities

Loved ones, family members, friends, community…all these things took second fiddle in our earn-a-living-society. Not any more. Amidst COVID-19, loved ones, family members, friends and community hold center stage. It could remain that way going forward. If we want.

Research shows people on deathbeds rarely say “I wish I would have worked harder!” Instead, they regret spending so much time at work. No better time to restructure priorities than now. COVID-19 gives us that time.

amin-moshrefi-bce4M2hGEiA-unsplash — Photo by Amin Moshrefi on Unsplash

4. It’s clarifying real value

Forced home, isolation demands we get comfortable with ourselves. Isolation frightens some. Prolonged isolation from COVID-19 can bring introspection and renewed self-value and self discovery. Taking quiet time, focusing more on one’s own company brings many rewards. COVID-19 could resurface our lasting and inestimable individual and collective value.

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5. We’re rethinking jobs

COVID-19 strongly affects some people. Sheltering in place confronts beliefs about working jobs we hate. These people LOVE LOVE LOVE not working right now, but also feel shame and embarrassment about that. Society makes us think we’re worthless if we don’t work, pull our weight or “get a job”. Some realize under COVID-19 that those shibboleths are false. That’s great awareness!

And, there are others who get how much they LOVE LOVE LOVE their work. They’re refreshed in their isolation, but also antsy. They find great value doing something they believe important. Even if it’s not. That’s great too!

jordan-whitfield-sm3Ub_IJKQg-unsplash — Photo by Jordan Whitfield on Unsplash

6. Some are rethinking “earning a living”

On a bigger scale, people see now the terrific tie between them and this economy. Like hamsters on a wheel, if people don’t work, the whole shebang stops. This realization could awaken whole new ideas about running societies and economies. Are we brave enough to leap into the (seeming) unknown?

pawel-czerwinski-KVOtJAxULK4-unsplash — Photo by Paweł Czerwiński on Unsplash

7. It’s changing what’s possible politically

Never in a thousand years would I predict that REPUBLICANS would send federal checks directly to individuals. And yet that’s exactly what’s happening. It looks like Andrew Yang’s Universal Basic Income proposal got implemented, in various forms, other countries as a stop-gap to total economic destruction. Our bailouts here in the US may not be as grand, but amazingly, the bedeviled idea “socialism” is what is keeping us from total economic ruin. Paradigms could change from all this. If we want.

alex-gindin-ifpBOcQlhoY-unsplash — Photo by Alex Gindin on Unsplash

8. Air pollution? What air pollution?

With so many not working and businesses not running, already we see changes happening with less pollution coming from cities and industry. If humanity acts decisively on climate change, big environmental reversals can happen fast. COVID-19 allows a glimpse at a possible future.

markus-spiske-3Tf1J8q9bBA-unsplash — Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

9. Some now think different

Radical ideas may not be as radical as we thought. COVID-19 offers contemplating new ideas economic ideas that don’t tie humanity to economic output. Emerging from COVID-19, can we create a new economy not demanding human effort as its fuel? Anything’s possible now. Thanks COVID-19!

omid-armin-a5EbQpl-IHw-unsplash — Photo by Omid Armin on Unsplash

10. It’s part of the great shift

With every major historical, negative event, humanity, on the other side of them, came out better. Every major war, every great plague, and every natural disaster launched more and better human ideas. No matter what humans face, on the other side we get better. I know this pandemic complements a spiritual shift urging us towards the future. Perhaps we will heed that call. That would be great!

COVID-19 prompts different reactions from different people. More accurately, one’s beliefs, their stories both shape people’s reactions and people’s futures. I know the more people see positive things happening in the world, the more positive the world gets for those people. Come to where you easily meet the love of your life, pandemic or not. Learn how to tell your life story so it matches your dreams, instead of your frustrations.

We’re here to help.