Category: “Reality”

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How I created $10,000

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Life is delightful.

Last month, in cahoots with Inner Being, I realized $10,000 in project funding. Rendezvousing with those funds came surprisingly and delightfully, which is how “right timing” always feels.

Right timing happens when I tell the right stories about what I want consistently enough that my reality matches stories I tell. This works with creating money, apartments, partners, or even intangibles such as happiness, well being and freedom. Here’s how to do it:

• • •

Between jobs last month and with COVID-19 shutting down job opportunities, I slowed down looking for work. In that space, I realized what I wanted more than a job paying the bills, was my projects paying the bills.

But current stories about my projects funding my living created ongoing nows consistent with those stories. That’s why I needed work. I didn’t believe my projects could pay my bills.

So that’s the reality I got.

Earlier last month though, I decided I would allow current stories a path out of my awareness. Doing that, I knew they would no longer influence my reality. Do that long enough, I knew, and stories consistent with my desires would become my reality.

That’s what I started two weeks ago. On Day one, determination reigned. By Day 12, old stories re-asserted themselves. All stories, beliefs or thoughts enjoy leaning toward their fullest expression. Believe it or not, stories are living things as all thoughts are. They revel in expression.

Once in my head, it can be hard getting them out. Unless I know what to do, that is, which I do, so it’s not hard. It’s easy.

The withdraw

My old stories reveled in my then present reality. The more I looked for work, the stronger their momentum. Their revelry felt like pressure, fear and anxiety inside me. That’s because their revelry in me drew to me thoughts like these:

  • I gotta get a job. My savings is running out
  • I should take whatever I can get
  • If I don’t take this job, there may not be others

Sense scarcity consciousness in those?

But then I reminded myself that I create my reality. Not these stories. I can choose stories I tell. I’ll choose stories that feel good and know by my good feelings, realities consistent with my positive stories will become my reality.

Thoughts that feel good sounded like this:

  • I don’t need to take any of these jobs I feel “blah” about
  • There are plenty of jobs available for me
  • My Inner Being knows the best job for me
  • I’ll wait for that best job

But then, while thinking those thoughts, other more positive thoughts came to me:

  • I don’t want a job!
  • I really enjoy working on my projects
  • Why can’t my projects support my living?
  • They can!
  • I want that reality!
  • Working on my projects full time feels fun!

That was around Day six. Between Day six and Day 12, old story constellations reasserted themselves several times each day. They (those thoughts) would pop into my head from time to time vying with my new, emerging stories. This is how it goes. It’s what changing your reality looks like.

Thankfully, I trained myself into monitoring my feelings. Any time I felt bad, I knew old stories popped up, even if I didn’t know what stories I told at that time.

Sometimes I knew. I felt and heard the thought. Other times, I didn’t.

No matter. Anytime I felt negative emotion, I pulled my attention back into the now, then focused on the positive thought-set. Something interesting: Negative emotion usually came when I let my attention slip into the future. That’s a no-no because when there I easily slip into trying to figure out the “how” and the “when” about what I want: How will my projects sustain me? When will that happen? Will it happen before I run out of money?

Those thoughts create fear and worry. So I know they don’t lean toward my desired reality that’s becoming my now. Instead, they lean the other way.

Any time I couldn’t shift my thinking because old story momentum had too much strength, I would take a nap, or go do something I enjoy: watch a favorite movie, or go on a walk.

By Day 14, I had done a lot of all that. I felt really good.

The morning of Day 14, I had wonderful dreams and epiphanies I wrote about in my journal. Then, one of my Positively Focused clients sent a message on WhatsApp. He’s not only a client, he’s keen about Copiosis,  my other project. He’s given money to that organization before.

Whatsapp

It just so happened, I launched a Copiosis social media advertising strategy earlier that week. So I had plenty to show him. The progress excited him. In his excitement he told he would give me more money to run that organization. Then he said use the rest of his gift to fund my living expenses so I could work full time on my projects.

How much was “the rest”?  Nine thousand, five hundred and eighty dollars! I walked right into my desired reality!

Here’s the thing about all this. The money is great. Now I don’t need a job. It will fund my living expenses for most of the rest of the year. More money is coming, I’m sure.

But what’s more thrilling is what I experienced on the way to this money. The deliberate focus. Telling the right stories. Clarity coming from that. Positive, wonderful, ecstatic feelings coming from clarity.

Every moment I stayed in the present moment, I enjoyed throughly. In other words, most of that time I was happy. I’m happy still.

Those times I didn’t I stay in the Moment of Becoming, I see as beneficial too. Without them, I wouldn’t know I was heading away from what I wanted. So even those times benefitted me.

Getting the $10K is great. But desire fulfillment lasts hardly as long as anticipation, the joyful expectations, the pleasure that is knowing desire fulfillment is on its way. Seeing the signs as I move toward desire fulfillment sweetens the journey.

Since I’m eternal, new desires will always spring up. So I’ll always be on the way to a new desire.

How does all this relate to finding a partner? Your reality springs from stories you’re telling. Old story momentum creates your reality just as my old story momentum created my “I need a job” reality. Change your stories and in a little while, you’ll find yourself in new realities. Realities filled with abundant relationship options, no matter how unlikely you think your relationship options are.

Life gets mostly lived on a journey towards someplace. Every time I arrive, arrival births new desires. Which is why I know this: Life is about the journey. Not the destination. Settle into that truth. Not only will you have more fun, you’ll get what you want fast.

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A Client Gets A Relationship, Part 2

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Welcome back.

Last time I wrote about Joe (not his real name) a client who met his ideal match in a transgender woman. Joe was excited about this. He felt the Universe designed this gathering.

It did.

But the “why” wasn’t what Joe thought.

This post details what happened after Joe’s initial excitement and enthusiasm. It also sheds more light on our framework. Why it is so powerful. And why we guarantee you’ll get your ideal match.

That and a whole lot more. Let’s get started.

• • •

By his ninth session, Joe’s enthusiasm disappeared. He was low-energy. Not the excited person from our cancelled seventh session.

Turns out Cassandra (not her real name either), the transgender woman he met, hadn’t spoken to him in a while. Despondent, Joe had all kinds of negative stories about why. Stories about the experience. Stories about himself. Stories about our approach.

Joe’s grumpiness matched all these stories. Joe thought something went wrong.

 

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Nothing went wrong.

Instead, Joe’s life experience showed him what he must change if he wants his ideal partner. Remy says this all the time. If you want your ideal match you must become a match to them.

Joe is not yet a match. So he drew to himself someone who matches where he is. The gift of this perfect relationship connection is, it showed this to him.

That doesn’t mean he liked what he saw.

But had he been able to, he would have benefitted even more from the experience.

Life is eternal. You always get more chances so nothing is lost. Nothing goes wrong. Ever.

The relationships with Cassandra didn’t show up as the relationship Joe wanted. But it did show Joe many of his disempowering stories.

And it showed him how his relationship behavior matches those stories.

Joe moved too fast. His stories about relationship scarcity caused had him cling to this relationship. As if there weren’t going to be any others.

Out of his desperation to have a relationship, he asked Cassandra if she was seeing anyone else, implying energetically, of course, that he’d prefer he be the only one she was seeing.

After all, he wasn’t seeing anyone else. But the reason he wasn’t seeing anyone else wasn’t because he had other opportunities. It’s because he is grasping desperately for THE relationship. Instead of enjoying life.

When Cassandra said she was seeing others, Joe played it off. But it was obvious in our call that answer was not the right one. It did match his stories though.

• • •

We know at The Transamorous Network that stories create reality. We also know momentum of stories told often enough can’t be avoided. That’s not how life works.

To slow old story momentum, a person must tell new stories. New stories which, over time, will build enough momentum in their own right. Meanwhile, old story momentum deactivates. They have less effect on reality. Including one’s behaviors.

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Joe didn’t focus on new stories after that exchange. That focus takes effort, which is why we offer our framework. Joe is only starting. So he doesn’t realize yet how to check in with his emotions early enough to halt old story momentum.

It’s a rare skill among people. Hardly anyone has the discipline and rigor to do such work on their own. Hardly anyone understands why we have emotions. We offer our framework for that reason.

So rather than focusing on new stories he is working on in our sessions, Joe allowed his old stories to continue creating his reality. Disappointment he felt isn’t about how the relationship turned out (it ended). Although that’s what Joe thinks is the reason he’s disappointed. He feels disappointment (and frustration and sadness and more) because he’s focusing on his reality. The reality his old stories are creating.  Realities not matching what he wants.

Again, Joe is just starting. So he doesn’t get how important it is to understand the purpose of emotions. So instead of using his emotions they way they’re intended, he tries to behave in spite of them.

Meanwhile, his behavior faithfully creates outcomes matching his old stories.

For example, one night frustrated in not hearing from Cassandra, Joe drunk-dialed her. That didn’t go well.

Drunk-dialing is a classic knee-jerk reaction to strong negative emotions triggered by negative stories about relationships playing out in physical reality. Thinking that behavior would bring relief, people drink to numb the emotion.

But alcohol amplifies negative emotion. It adds momentum to stories. That momentum draws to it other stories like it. Your stories are living things. Not just words. Stories like company. They draw to themselves stories like themselves. That’s how story or belief constellations happen.

That’s also why drinking to numb pain usually begins a downward spiral. When it comes to a “failed” relationship, that spiral often includes drunk-dialing.

Remember, in the last post I cautioned Joe about what was happening. I said Cassandra was a perfect match to Joe’s stories. That she is a perfect match is an excellent indicator.

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What do I mean by that?

I mean, Joe got to see exactly how his stories create his reality. A reality which includes transgender women not all that interested in Joe for Joe.

To Joe, she seemed interested. At first. But later she wasn’t.

By our ninth session, Joe was not in a good place at all. He couldn’t see the extraordinary benefit of a relationship like the one he got.

• • •

Then one day, Cassandra contacted him after a long absence. He said she asked him to pay for something for her. Joe didn’t have the money. He hasn’t heard from her since telling her so.

Of course, Joe’s old beliefs showed up again. “That’s all she wanted me for”, He told me during our session.

That story can be extended more broadly about all his relationships with transgender women, women who usually are sex workers.

Joe left session nine pretty negative.

If Joe continues the work, this could be a turning point for him. His stories are screaming out loud. Now that he has some grounding in “Stories” and how they create reality, he is getting first hand experience in his own life experience how stories do that.

He’s not happy about that.

But this is the process. It’s how it works.

I reminded Joe his unhappiness is an emotion telling him something important. It’s telling him his stories about this situation aren’t consistent with what’s really happening.

Again, of course, Joe didn’t want to hear this. He defended his stories as “true”, which they are. But he refused to understand that they are only true because his stories have created a reality consistent with them. They are no more true than any other story he might tell often enough to create momentum and a new reality consistent with that.

And that is the work. Using one’s life experience as a living classroom, our framework shows clients how to tell new stories. New stories told frequent enough so their reality changes to match them.

Then they have a new truth. A life experience that contains everything they want.

Including their ideal partner.

Joe is continuing the work. We’ll see whether his relationship with Cassandra was the last one he’ll let his old stories dictate.

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Can Trans People Oppress The Majority?

Andrei Lazarev Opression FB blog
Photo: Andrei Lazarev

It can sure feel that way. But when the majority feels oppression, you’re winning.

Hear them:

“Seriously, what’s going on? Where are all these people coming from claiming there is something more than “man” and “woman”? Don’t they realize they sound delusional?”

So go the thoughts of those whose world view depends on immutable “Laws” about “reality”.

“Immutable” means “unchanging over time. Fixed, carved in stone, permanent or rigid”.

None of those words can be applied to life or being human. Both are forever changing and evolving for the better. Diversity is the norm. The more the better

And there’s no limit on what that diversity will look like.

People who need a “rigid” “unchanging” reality are deeply ensconced in fear and insecurity. They have lost the flexibility of their childhood, where reality was much less “hardened” than the adult world.

When something from outside that hardened world view meets that hardened-ness head on, the jarring feeling, the discomfort people who don’t understand being transgender feel, triggers reactions remarkably similar to those attributable to racist behaviors triggered from white fragility.

White fragility is defined in an excellent 2011 research paper written by Robin DiAngelo for the International Journal Of Critical Pedagogy, aptly titled “White Fragility”.

White Fragility is a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves. These moves include the outward display of emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and behaviors such as argumentation, silence, and leaving the stress-inducing situation. These behaviors, in turn, function to reinstate white racial equilibrium. Racial stress results from an interruption to what is racially familiar.

This would be a great definition for “Anti-Gender-fluidity Fragility”. Something I just made up 🙂

Replace “racial” with “gender”:

“Anti-Gender-fluidity Fragility is a state in which even a minimum amount of gender stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves. These moves include the outward display of emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and behaviors such as argumentation, silence, and leaving the stress-inducing situation. These behaviors, in turn, function to reinstate cis gender equilibrium. Gender stress results from an interruption to what is with regard to gender, familiar.”

Interesting, isn’t it?

We could even go so far as to say Anti-Gender-fluidity Fragility, in extreme cases, results in attempts to coerce and control: humiliating, threatening, being aggressive towards and even waging violence against those perceived to threatened a hardened world view, i.e. transgender people.

Isn’t that what we’re seeing today?

What this means is, there is nothing personal about a non-trans person becoming hostile or trying to censure transgender people’s rights. They’re just acting out of extreme insecurity as they are confronted with circumstances outside their comfortable world views or stories.

In other words, they are scared.

And when a person who is used to being in control feels scared long enough, they find ways to ameliorate that fear. In most people unaware of their stories, “control” means trying to manipulate things (situations, laws, who can use which bathroom) and people (kicking them out of the family, for example).

But it can also including appropriating the victim role even though they enjoy privilege of [gender] acceptance.

A lot of people have said it: “When you’re used to privilege, equality feels like oppression.”

The cool thing is, as history has always shown, actual oppression waged by the majority on a minority usually causes the cause of the minority to win.

Are you prepared to win? Don’t worry, when you do, they will too. But not in the way they think.

HT to this guy’s experience

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Science catching up with the transgender conscience

 

This has always been the case – always – that science ends up confirming what we intuitively know. People who believe religiously in science often point to early civilizations as examples where science has helped humanity. These people point to these early civilizations’ beliefs that the world was flat, or that the sun went about the Earth as examples of these “backwards” beliefs.

But what these people don’t recognize is the process by which these civilizations came to that distorted understanding. For before those erroneous conclusions, civilizations had massive and complete understanding of the universe’s workings. Interestingly, at the same time, some civilizations which held these distorted beliefs, also had fantastic grasp on things like astronomy, and other topics that could be classified among the natural sciences.

But I digress.

Interestingly, those who most stridently deny “trans-ness” tend to point to “science” and it’s “facts” to support their denial.

Well, in the last few months, science is confirming what members of the transgender community – including trans attracted men who have come to grips with their trans attraction – have known for some time: That transgender people are NOT simply choosing to be trans.

This first study, shared in our IN YOUR FACE (see the video above) show back in March, reveals that transgender women’s brain structure features characteristics distinctly different from both male brains and female brains. From the Online News site Medical Daily:

[R]esearchers from the Medical School of the University of São Paulo, Brazil, decided to investigate this by recruiting 80 participants between the ages of 18 and 49 years. They were categorized into four groups of 20 members each: cisgender women, cisgender men, transgender women who had never used hormones, and transgender women who had used hormones for at least a year. MRI scans were then used to look for differences in gray and white matter volume of the brains.

It was revealed that both groups of transgender women had variations in the volume of the insula in both hemispheres. The insula is a region of the brain that reads the physiological state of the body, thus being responsible for body image and self-awareness.

“It would be simplistic to make a direct link with transgender, but the detection of a difference in the insula is relevant since trans people have many issues relating to their perception of their own body because they don’t identify with the sex assigned at birth,” said Professor Geraldo Busatto, a researcher in the study. In addition to the internal struggle, he adds a reminder that transgender individuals may end up suffering discrimination and persecution.

Several medical news sites picked up the study. We’re eager to see the study repeated in the US, but for now, the tide of medical research and other scientific approaches to confirming or understanding “reality”. In the meantime, we’re happy to see science beginning to get it right.

MRI screen shots
The cross-section in image “a” shows the left-hemisphere insula, which has a reduced volume in transgender women who have never taken hormones compared with the volume in cisgender women; the same can be seen in the right-hemisphere insula (R). Image “b” shows the reduced volume of the left insula in hormone-treated women compared with cisgender women, and again, the same can be seen in the right insula ®. (Source: https://www.biosciencetechnology.com/news/2018/03/brain-structure-transgender-people-investigated-study_

We here at The Transamorous Network have a broader perspective on transgender people, a perspective agreed with by most indigenous/aboriginal cultures. That is that trans people are a separate type of human being. Separate from “male” and “female”. This separate type represents an “exalted” state of human consciousness, one worthy of respect and honor. It’s no surprise that these indigenous/aboriginal cultures not only honored transgender people, but they also revered them for their closer station to the divine.

We know that will likely piss some readers off. We wonder if those who resist our perspective have swallowed the gender binary indoctrination trope, causing them to want to be seen as “male” (for trans men) or “female” (for trans women), when, in fact, they are neither. But in their “neither” they are something “better”.

The future is surfacing more evidence that those who resist the “transgender phenomena” are pushing against the very future from which the evidence comes. That has historically proven to be a losing proposition. That means, transgender acceptance is a done deal. Everything points to that outcome, including the strenuous arguments of those whose worldview is threatened by transgender people and people who are attracted to them.

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California courts side with trans people

Richard Simmons
It’s Richard Simmons

Slate Online just published an important article which should be shared throughout the transgender community. It accurately clarifies how the oddest allies of the transgender community, Richard Simmons, and his loss in a California libel suit has benefitted transgender Americans.

The article requires careful reading. Here’s the background:

A tabloid called Simmons a transgender woman. Simmons sued for libel and lost. What the judge said in his ruling was the key stroke which establishes a legal landmark for trans people:

For the first time in United States history, Keosian declared that misidentifying a person as transgender is not defamatory because it does not subject that individual to “hatred, contempt, ridicule or obloquy.” Keosian further explained that the judicial system should not countenance anti-trans animus, notwithstanding its existence in pockets of society. “While, as a practical matter, [transgender persons can] be held in contempt by a portion of the population,” Keosian said, “the court will not validate those prejudices by legally recognizing them.”

From the actual court document, which you can download here.:

The court does not mean to imply in its holding that the difficulties and bigotry facing transgender people is minimal or nonexistent. To the contrary, the court has reviewed the evidence submitted by Simmons regarding the deplorable statistics relating to transgender people….However, this court finds that even if there is a sizeable portion of the population who would view being transgender as negative, the court should not, in the words of our cousins in Massachusetts, “directly or indirectly, give effect to these prejudices.” (Albright, supra, 321 F.Supp.2d at p. 137–138.) Similar to the that court’s reasoning regarding the prejudices facing homosexuals, “[i]f this Court were to agree that calling someone” transgender “is defamatory per se—it would, in effect, validate that sentiment and legitimize relegating [transgender people] to second-class status.” Such a finding is consistent with holdings that misidentifying one’s race, medical condition, or sexual orientation is not libelous per se simply because there exist a portion of the population that expresses prejudice towards those groups.

The entire Slate article is worth a read. What it tells me is the legal foundations of the country are increasingly coming down on the side of transgender people. Added to this is the current administration’s hardline on indicting murderers of transgender people with federal hate crimes, and you have just a boatload of positive news about how society is shifting.

Good news all around!