Yes, I have a girlfriend now. She happens to be trans. This is relatively new. And it’s consistent with everything I tell my clients. My life is a great example of how our stories about life create great love lives.
I call her “Muriel”. I’m honoring her privacy, so I’m not sharing her personal details. Which is interesting because just this week, I shared with Muriel my previous post introducing our situation to my readers. After reading the draft, Muriel, suggested maybe she had a photo of her I could include. One that wouldn’t reveal too much about her.
I thought that cute. My interpretation was she was as open to sharing our shared experience as I was. She is an avid Transamorous Network reader after all.
She sent me a couple pictures. Both were “rated PG” and flattering in my opinion. But I thought they’d not protect her privacy. Now, Muriel and I are a great match. So it wasn’t a surprise that I had already selected the exact same photos of her, photos she sent me weeks ago, to post. But then I decided not to. Back then too, I thought them too revealing. We laughed at that, then agreed not to include a photo at all.
That exchange shows how great how much of a match we are. Which, again, is what I tell my clients, both trans and trans-attracted. What I offer at The Transamorous Network is 100 percent effective. It always results in perfect matches. No dating site required. No bullshit. Just getting what you want.
It’s also no wonder then that Muriel called me “babe” for the first time this week. Now, I’m not gushing or “in love” or any of that common stuff people get into when first starting a relationship. I’m totally clear what’s going on. Especially what’s happening within me. So I’m getting what I want. And reveling in the fun Muriel and I enjoy.
I described what’s happening with Muriel and me to a transgender client this week. This client is enjoying similar results in her life. She marveled about how transparent and communicative we are around sensitive relationship topics. Topics such as sex, men bottoming, bottom surgery, and what we like and don’t like. It’s true, Muriel and I have had exemplary conversations on subjects many trans-attracted men and trans women end up bitterly fighting about or break up over.
But for Muriel and I, they’re no big deal. Just more opportunity for deepening the connection we share.
I’m eager to see where this goes. But I’m really enjoying where we are. And I’m reveling in our deepening intimacy. Just like I tell my clients to do.
Which is why I’m also celebrating her calling me babe by writing this post.
Editor’s note: The Transamorous Network publishes across several platforms. Medium.com is one of those. This story describes what happened when Medium’s lawyers contacted us about last week’s post.
When I noticed the email from their lawyers, a lump formed in my throat. Only for a second though. That’s because I know what I know: I create my reality. So what was about to happen was going to be more of what’s come before: really good stuff.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
I write posts for The Transamorous Network to inspire transgender women and trans-attracted men towards getting what they want. In doing that, I’m doing my part to bring both communities together. They’re really one community. But because both sides vilify one another, they look like two communities. They’re not, however.
Most posts tell how my clients’ lives become happier after practicing what I offer. Their lives become happier when clients learn how stories create reality. Then they learn how to use that knowledge to deliberately create lives in which everything they want happens.
But I sometimes share about my life. For me, life is a living laboratory. I want to see how good life can get. If we all create our reality, I dare to create something never seen before. So I’m pushing this practice to its extremes. I practice what I preach, in other words.
As a result, some posts I write share what’s happening with me. That’s what I shared in a recent post. A post I’ve since deleted.
I deleted it after engaging with Medium.com’s lawyers. They didn’t tell me to delete it. I deleted it on my own.
But again, I’m getting ahead of myself.
My evidence gets me in trouble
Last week I posted a story about a transgender woman who was outing trans-attracted men around the country. She would date them briefly. Then she’d send letters to family members or wives outing the men. I didn’t know who this woman was. I wanted to know her, though.
So I set my intention to discover her. The post described how that happened. It happened in this incredible way. One I couldn’t have planned, because it involved people I didn’t even know.
Previous posts about this unfolding warned men to look out for her and avoid her. There’s a vigilante out there, I told my trans-attracted readers. So when my intention fulfilled itself, by bringing me her identity, I saw it as my role to help men avoid getting into trouble. I therefore included the woman’s first name. I also included pictures of her.
While the story was still published, I received positive reactions. One comment on Medium.com caught my attention though. A transgender woman wrote disapprovingly about me including the woman’s picture.
Now, again, I practice what I share with my clients extensively in my own life. One area I’ve intended deliberately is connecting with people who appreciate what I share. Especially people who are respectful and kind. So it didn’t surprise me, nor did I miss how gentle and kind this trans woman expressed her disapproval. She was firm, but she made a request that I remove the perpetrator’s picture and thanked me in advance. She would check back, she said, and if the picture remained, she would report the post to Medium.com for violating their terms.
Here’s her comment:
The kind, but firm comment I appreciated.
Calling the moderation police
I replied to the trans woman with equal gentleness. Here’s what I wrote:
I think this surprised the commenter. She replied with another really kind comment. It included more detail for why she wrote her first comment. Her rationale made a lot of sense. Much of it I agreed with. Here’s what she wrote:
And, in full transparency, here’s how I responded. We see the world very similarly. Yet, there’s a fair distinction too. Neither is right or wrong.
My message to the moderators got a relatively immediate reply. It said they hadn’t read the post yet, but would. Based on my initial inquiry, they asked if I owned rights to the photos. I did not.
I prepared to remove the photos because of the rights claim. But I also wanted to hear what they thought after reading the post. With all this attention on it, I forgot what the post really was about. It wasn’t about targeting this transgender woman. Instead, it mainly described how my intention delightfully fulfilled itself. And how I resolved the mystery with no effort on my part.
That’s something I promise awaits anyone who learns what I offer: The ability to manifest anything they want with no effort. Including fantastic love lives.
A perspective-transforming email
The next morning, I got an email from “legal@medium.com”. It wasn’t at all what I expected. Instead of saying whether the post violated their terms, it was an appeal employing the Socratic Method. It caught me by surprise. I’ll append a screen shot of the response at the end of this story, followed by their very kind followup.
The email went straight to the matter. It felt like a better version of me was talking to myself. The writer after laying out their perspective asked a question. Upon reading their argument, all I could do is agree: I may or may not have violated the terms. But that wasn’t the point. The question was, do I align with Medium.com’s goal?
Medium.com’s awesome about statement.
Of course I do align with it. But what happened next was transformative.
I felt two powerful emotions after reading their appeal. One was embarrassment. The other: shame. I knew everything the appeal offered. Why didn’t that knowledge keep me from posting those photos?
I’ll answer that in a bit.
Meanwhile, something remarkable happened. Because of what I practice, I knew what “embarrassment” and “shame” were telling me. In that split-second I felt those emotions, I used them to discover really disempowering stories. Stories I wouldn’t have been able to do anything about had this not happened.
In other words, the emotions were good. Not because I should be embarrassed and ashamed. But because they offered tremendous transformation.
The goodness in “bad” situations
My Broader Perspective knew this was a transformative opportunity. One that would benefit me hugely going forward. But stories active in me said “You did something wrong.” “You’re a bad person.”, “You’re a hypocrite.”
Everything happening in life offers extreme value. I wanted to write, just now, “everything happening in life is good“. But the word “good”, for us humans, fouls up our minds. That’s because our concept of “good” is highly restricted.
So “value” is a better word. Everything happening holds great value.
But, humans are free to create any interpretation they want about what’s happening. Interpreting what’s happening as anything other than valuable, however, creates realities matching that “off” interpretation.
This explains why it’s very hard, if not impossible, to find a lover if we believe one doesn’t exist. Or if we believe the target of our affection will never want us. Or if we don’t believe we’re good enough to have that love. Our beliefs are the place from which our reality springs.
Life works that way so we can “true” up our stories/beliefs/interpretations so they match what’s really happening. In doing that, we align ourselves with our unfolding desires. Our life then fills with what we want. It does that with no effort on our part. So when life “goes wrong” or seems “bad”, it’s good. Life is showing us something important so we can do something about it.
The gifts begin rolling in
What you just read comprises the foundation for The Transamorous Network practice. Clients and I take a journey towards getting all we want, effortlessly. It is possible. But that experience requires removing many, many beliefs we have. Many we have created ourselves, but many others we’ve adopted from the world around us. Including other people.
Shame and embarrassment pointed to beliefs of the latter variety. For me, they got started in childhood, with parents, teachers and others doing what they thought was “educating” me. Later, workplace “performance reviews” perpetuated such beliefs. Friendships and lovers perpetuated them too. Registering lovers’ and friends’ disapproval in me often amplified similar beliefs.
But I’m not that child who needed education. I never was. Nor was I what supervisors, past friends or lovers saw. Instead, I’m an eternal, wise, rambunctious being. An eternal being that enjoys total freedom as part of All That Is. An eternal being on a glorious adventure of life in physical reality!
I no longer need to hold onto those bogus stories! But I can’t release them unless I know they’re there. This whole experience showed me where they were!
For ALL it’s worth
That was the first gift of this whole encounter: Recognition and acknowledgment. From there, I saw the transgender woman who commented, and the Medium.com legal team member, were helping me realize something important. They showed me the dominant self-image I hold.
Both people were kind and respectful, loving even. The legal team member, especially, communicated in a way I deeply appreciated. But both reflect back to me my own inner self-concept (a story). One that says “I want to be someone who is decent, loving and kind to all people.”
I hadn’t been a loving person with the perpetrator, I thought. But then I realized the next major benefit this experience offered. It offered the opportunity to serve her in the way the legal person and the commenter served me.
Understanding how this unfolded requires acknowledging the complexity inherent in life experience. But it’s so good to tell. It’s good to tell because it shows how we all are one. We’re all helping one another expand into more of the decent, loving, eternal beings we all are.
Remember the question I posed earlier?
I knew everything the legal team member offered. Why didn’t that knowledge keep me from posting those photos?
The following section answers that question.
One of many benefits
We’re all connected. We’re also all moving through the exact same process: We’re expanding into the fuller nature of who/what we are. Each of us exist in unique “locations” on this expansionary process. But we all help one another as we help ourselves.
Abraham calls this “helping” aspect of life “cooperative components.” In other words, people act as cooperative components to others’ individual expansion. They reflect back to us what we need to expand. Life experience generally does this too. It’s the major “purpose” of life experience. It doesn’t matter that we often are oblivious to these cooperative components. They’re helping anyway.
So Úmi, the woman I “outed” in the deleted post, is undergoing her expansion, as am I. As are you. Úmi has experienced a lot of troubling and traumatic situations. Especially at the hands of men. Of course, she’s creating those. She creates them through stories she tells. As she tells them, she creates situations which reflect those stories back to her.
Úmi, then, is creating experiences with men which reflect her own inner conflicts about her life, who she believes she is and a host of other subjects. Attacking men, their wives and families is a lashing out at that reality. The reality is there to have her see what’s happening inside her, though. She doesn’t know this, of course, so she blames her situation for how she feels. Meeting The Transamorous Network and using it as a tool caused me to rendezvous with her and her stories. I became, therefore, a cooperative component of her expansion.
So me including her photos in the story was a reflection of what she was doing to these men: outing them to loved ones. My act served as a cooperative component to Úmi’s personal expansion.
Multi-layered beneficial expansion
In a crude sense, she got a taste of her own medicine. Me exposing her the way I did served her. But it also served me in the way I described throughout this post, with cooperative components simultaneously showing beliefs in me I must release. I must release them to move forward in my process. In the same way, Úmi must release stories holding her back. Or face increasingly intense experiences until she eventually does release them.
Nothing goes wrong in life. It all serves, moving all of us into greater levels of appreciation and love, especially self-love. Along the way, if we’re aware, we can deliberately shape the process. And in shaping it, we can experience joyful, fulfilling lives. Lives, again, where desires fulfill themselves with little effort on our parts.
So this entire experience was one of profound movement through stories I had. Stories whose time was up. Stories I was ready to release. The experince was totally consistent with many other experiences happening these days.
Looking back, I appreciate everything that happened. Especially the trans woman who commented on the story. I even appreciate Úmi, the woman who terrorized those men, their wives and families.
I equally appreciate the Medium legal team member, who, at the end suggested I could repost the story and just leave out the part that targets the woman.
Good idea. I think I’ll do that.
Now, as promised, here’s Medium’s response email, followed by my and their replies.
The following comes from reader and subscriber Jaimie Harris. She responded to our post about what trans and trans-attracted love can look like. In that post we described how effortless finding love can be. We shared the experience of a transgender client who, by telling increasingly better stories, is finding her way through increasingly better trans-attracted guys.
What Jamie shares further illustrates how powerful stories are. They literally create our reality. And that’s exactly what happened with Jaimie. Her experience, like our client’s, illustrates everything we say here at The Transamorous Network.
Anyone can create anything they want. Whether a lover, a better job or a relationship. Whatever floats one’s boat can be one’s reality. But to have that, one must become a match to that ideal condition. That means thinking and believing in ways consistent with that which one wants.
It’s not easy at first. But that’s only because we’ve allowed ourselves to be trained out of that natural way of being. Every other living thing on this planet lives this way. Which is why you don’t see birds, for example, working hard. Or bears worried about the winter.
So here’s Jaimie’s response to our post. See if you can identify where she changed her old story to match what she wants. Then as a result ends up with exactly that.
Soothing one’s self to get what one wants
Thank you, your writing is on point. I was overwhelmingly lonely, after being on my own for several years. I have dated several men only to find out that they were still married, but they had no intimacy at home. Their problem, not mine. But I primarily prefer to be with ladies. I am pansexual.
As I was seeking ladies out to date online, even though I live in a city of 8 million people, I still had been unable to find my true love. I know that in my chats I was showing myself to be insecure and too needy for a relationship. But I couldn’t help it because of my overwhelming loneliness.
Finally, I got to the point where I could back off a little bit and decided that if they wanted to stop chatting after a day or two, it was their problem not mine. And then I became less needy when I was online. Now I have a girlfriend who I am engaged to that I met online. Every day she and I are together is even better than the previous day. She is trans but has not started her transition yet. I look forward to making her transition easier than I was since I had no support at home. Each day we are together our love grows stronger.
I’m sure that those ladies I was trying to date online were thinking I had issues that I still needed to resolve from having lived life as trans and being told I wasn’t worth anything to anybody and I was mental and perverted. I had seen two therapist, but neither one of them were familiar with LGBT issues, even though they advertised they were.
But your writing has always helped me to keep grounded. Thank you.
Evidence surrounds us daily
We are literally surrounded by evidence proving our thoughts create our reality. Jaimie changed her beliefs. She released beliefs creating “loneliness” enough to attract someone she eventually fell in love with. She also released beliefs telling her she was broken. In doing so, she realized therapists she was seeing couldn’t help her.
Now empowered, she can support her loved one in ways she didn’t enjoy. She no longer believes that other people’s actions have something to do with her. It’s a great way to live: “Not my monkey, not my circus”. Let other people live how they want. Make nothing they do about you. Then watch as your life improves.
Many great things lie ahead of Jaimie if she continues releasing old, disempowering beliefs. The path to everything we want unfolds when we do that. Jaimie’s experience also shows that anyone can do this work. It all comes down to living authentically. And by that, I mean living the fully-positive, enthusiastic, empowered self that lies at the core of all of us. By living from there, life must reflect that back to us in the form of a life we love.
Most of us, transgender, trans-attracted or otherwise instead live lives “realistically”. We think we must be up to speed on current events. We must believe what others tell us. What they tell us about being trans, or trans-attracted, they assert is “true”.
I tell my clients nothing they want lies on that path. Become positively deranged, however, and witness the wonderful life that unfolds from that.
Jamie’s figuring it out. You can too. Need some help? If you need some help, I’m here.
I met a transgender woman today “in the wild”. No dating sites, no struggle. The meeting was effortless, just like I promise my clients how they’ll meet their matches. But this wasn’t about me meeting my match, although she kind of was. Instead, it was was an awesome example of how easy everyone can get what they want. That is, if they tell the right stories.
Every experience represents a match. Life experience always is an outward reflection of one’s inner being state. Another way of saying that is our life reflects stories we tell.
So this experience tells me my inner state is full of wonder! The meeting happened so naturally. So naturally, the experience delighted both of us. But what happened at the end was more than I expected. It literally blew my mind…in a good way.
Here’s how all this marvelousness went down:
It happens when you least expect it
Today (May 4 ), I went on a walk, which I usually do daily. While walking through a business neighborhood, I saw a person coming towards me, about 200 feet ahead. I enjoy the transgender version of “Gaydar”, which usually makes it easy for me to spot transgender people. So I knew, even from a distance, she was trans.
But there was something else I felt besides my usual trans-attraction. Something more was in store, I felt, though what that was I couldn’t say.
Situations like this have happened many times before. Moving around town, minding my own business, I’ll suddenly come across a transgender person. In the past, such experiences caught me off guard and speechless. But over time, I resolved not to be caught off guard and let me speechless. Even though they happen when I least expect it, I resolved not to let the surprise shut me down. Instead, I promised myself I’d remain open and alert. Alert so I can offer what comes to mind. Usually that’s words or encouragement. Or something I might say which lets them know someone appreciates them being on the planet.
Often the person will appreciate me doing so. Sometimes, not so much. I’ve gained a sensitivity these days to know which response I’ll get. Knowing this, I can choose to speak. Or not.
So this time, I was ready. I knew something cool would happen. But I didn’t know it was going to be as cool as it turned out to be.
As natural as breathing
As we converged on each other, we locked eyes. She looked directly at me with big, brown beautiful eyes, eyes I think that also realized something magical was happening. She had indigenous markings on her face, wore bohemian garb and her long brown hair pulled into a long tail over her shoulder.
I said hi. She did the same. The connection was palpable, the magic electrifying the space between us. After we passed one another, I felt a strong urge to look back. Just like the scene in Meet Joe Black between Brad Pitt and Claire Forlani. Minus getting killed by New York Traffic, of course.
After going another 50 feet or so, I did look back. It was no surprise that at that very moment, she looked back too! So I turned around and headed back to her. Closing that distance, I felt an even greater urge to talk with her.
Meeting your match is as natural as breathing. That is, if you’re telling positive stories about a lot of subjects. Do that and it’s literally impossible not to make the connection. When it happens you know exactly what to say. You can’t blow, it in other words. Meanwhile, the other person, equally taken, willingly plays their part as the rendezvous unfolds.
The best way to meet someone
This kind of experience is far superior to online dating. The joy, freedom and spontaneity of meeting your match “in the wild” online dating can’t hold a candle to. Which is why nearly all my clients eventually prefer meeting their match in the wild rather than online. Besides, that online experience sucks for most people!
Phoebe, as she calls herself, and I enjoyed an initial, brief but intense conversation. I learned she was headed to buy wine at the grocer nearby. Friends of hers were throwing a party in her honor as she’s planning to buy a new pick-up truck. I asked if she lived nearby. Yes, she said. She pointed vaguely in the direction of a home I used to own in this neighborhood.
I didn’t ask where, exactly, she lived. I did tell her I felt a strong kismet about our meeting. She agreed. Something told me an important unfolding was about to happen. I told her I knew what that was, but also said I wanted to keep that to myself.
I actually thought that important thing was her being trans and me being transamorous. That was part of it, but it wasn’t the “main course”. That was still on the way. Even so, at this point, Phoebe’s and my energy mesmerized us both. We couldn’t get enough of each other.
But I had to finish my walk.
So, after that short rendezvous, I asked to give her a hug. She agreed. We hugged, then went our separate ways. I didn’t look back this time.
About three blocks later, the main event hit me like a bolt right between the eyes….
The awesome set up
About a year ago, I had lunch in this same business district with a friend, Mark. After lunch we went for a walk through side streets paralleling the district. Mark and I share a fondness for tiny houses. So it wasn’t too surprising that we came upon a cute little tiny house community. Both of us were stunned at how cute these little homes were. Each one was different but together they created an eclectic mix of eccentric design.
Two of the cottage like tiny houses Mark and I came across.
As we passed these homes, I saw a transgender woman walk into the unit on the left in the photo above. At that time, I thought to myself, “I’d really like to see that girl again and I’d like to know what that place looks like inside…”
Little did I know back then I had set myself up for something wondrous…
Ask and it is given
The Universe always delivers on our desires. We ask, and the Universe delivers. But to receive the delivery we must be there to open the door. That means we must be a match to receiving what it is we ask for. This explains the purpose of telling positive stories. The more positive we are about life, the more we match things we ask for.
We’re always asking. And often, those things which we receive easiest, happen because we don’t think too much about them. In other words, we don’t have as much resistance about what we’re asking for. With these tiny houses and the transgender woman, I made a casual request, not really expecting anything. I just thought it would be nice to see this girl again, and get a tour of those cottages…
So as I walked those three blocks after meeting Phoebe, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Phoebe lived in that tiny house! I just knew it in my bones. This message showed up so clearly in my head…not as a thought I was thinking, but as pure intuition. And THIS was the reason for the rendezvous: It was the manifestation (two really) of my expressed desire made a year ago!
At this point I was so thrilled by this I had to tell Phoebe. So I doubled back towards the grocery. I got to the grocery in perfect timing. For as I rounded the corner, she had just come round from the front of the store. She saw me and smiled, then crossed the street. It was obvious she was happy to see me.
“I’m glad you came here,” she said, not surprised.
A beautiful rendezvous
I told her the story of my walk with Mark. I didn’t tell her the part about touring her home. She confirmed she did, indeed, live in that tiny house. I asked to walk her home, to which she agreed. During that walked I learned we had a lot in common. Like me, she’s a Veteran. She believes in and lives her life mainly from spirit, as I do. We identify similarly and use highly unique, identical pronouns. And, of course, there was that energy. Energy born of her being two-spirit, I learned, and me being transamorous.
I asked for her number, which she readily gave me. Then we arrived at her tiny house. She told me the story of how they were built by a gay contractor specifically for Veterans and disabled Vets. When we arrived at her front door, she invited me in. I wasn’t surprised of course, but pretended I was. She said it was the least she could do since I walked her home.
The place was pretty cool. But what was even more cool was how this all unfolded. It was a perfect demonstration of how effective telling positives stories is. Everyone possesses the ability to create a reality matching their wildest desires.
I’m in the process of creating pretty wild desires. I’m seeing evidence of those desires bearing fruit. What’s really cool is seeing my clients experiencing similar results in their lives. For their experiences add to the assertion that we all create our reality. All that’s needed is telling stories consistent with what we want.
The rest is up to the Universe!
Want to know more about how this is possible? Leave a comment or write me directly.
Post script
I met Phoebe again the following weekend on a perfect, sunny day. We spent three hours together, talking about our lives, things we shared, things we don’t. It was a natural unfolding. And, I knew the fullness of this relationship reached its peak when I toured her home. For there are things about her, and about me which make us not a match for anything other than the wonderful rendezvous we ha and maybe as a budding friendship.
Of course, I’m not at all disappointed by this outcome. It’s actually perfect. A perfect stepping stone to the next wonderful rendezvous I’m sure is on the way…
Despite what so many transgender women claim when they write me, this “Your stories create your reality” business really works. Those saying it doesn’t with no evidence to back their claims, and no effort put in to testing it, don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.
Meanwhile my TRANSGENDER clients are finding empowerment, joy and satisfaction knowing they create their reality.
Case in point: Casey (Not her real name). It’s taken her a year and a half to discover how powerful she is. Yet, in that 18 months, she’s realized what I say in this blog over and over: Everyone creates their reality.
Instead of complaining that I’m “blaming the victim” or “saying it’s their fault” for shitty experiences people create, Casey put the practice to the test. She tested it in the only place real results could convince her: In her personal life. And in the 18-months not only has she completely transformed her dating circumstances, she’s changing a whole lot more in the process.
The most prominent change is in her soothed disposition and her belief that she does, indeed, create her reality. Let’s look at how this all started for her.
Men are a threat
When she first contacted me, Casey felt attraction to men. She wanted to be married to a man. Yet, any man that gave her any more than passing attention, Casey interpreted it negatively.
She thought the men would wage violence on her. She thought men looked at her as a “man in a dress”. When men complimented something about her, she would overlook the compliment and get stressed over they guy’s attention.
The first example she gave me in our preliminary session was at a grocery store parking lot. As she walked from her car towards the store, Casey said a guy followed her, “very slowly” in his car.
“I got really scared,” She said.
“What did you think he was going to do?” I asked.
Casey said “I don’t know! I was just scared.”
My first attempt to begin changing her perspective was asking her a question she would have never considered in that experience:
“How do you now that guy staring at you and following you in his car wasn’t attracted to or fascinated about you?” I asked.
The question stunned her.
She never considered the man might have positive reasons for eyeballing her. She, like many transgender women, was too steeped in the statistics. And while stats have some merit….THEY’RE JUST NUMBERS! Anyone who understands statistics knows that when one looks at an individual data point, statistical probabilities almost totally break down. Even statisticians will tell you that.
What’s more, everyone is creating their own reality. Meaning, no one is beholden to a collection of past creations others have created, which is what stats are.
Many people, including transgender women, think statistics say something about their future. They don’t. (Photo by Lacie Slezak on Unsplash)
The stats don’t matter…unless you let the
But transgender women will quote stats until the cows come home about how much at risk they are. They’ll exclaim how “true” they are. And then live in fear.
Not Casey. She was willing to try something different. Why? Because everything else wasn’t working. I wish my clients didn’t wait until they hit rock bottom. But sometimes that’s the only time a human will try something new.
After weeks of sessions, Casey began entertaining more positive stories about why men stared at her. She also started telling more positive stories about her dismal experience with online dating.
She had terrible experiences. Much like many transgender women will tell their friends about. Trans-attracted men were dicks, Casey would say.
“They always text me when drunk. They always want to see my dick or share theirs. I don’t wanna get involved with that shit!” she exclaimed.
I asked if she could come up with other reasons why trans-attracted men would do such things. What reasons could trans-attracted men behave from which would cause them to behave the way they were, I asked.
It took her a while, and a lot of coaching. But over time, Casey began to come up with more positive and empowering reasons for behaviors she’d experience with men.
Those reasons had her feel more compassion and understanding for trans-attracted men. As her feelings about the men softened her experiences gradually started changing.
A big shift
Casey really wants to meet a man in the small town she comes from. Right now, she lives in a big town. She believed at one time that a man who would date her let alone marry her wouldn’t dare live in her hometown. I told her that was bullshit because the universe will give a person anything they want.
Casey also wanted to meet men in person. Men who would take her out on dates. Most men she met online lived across the country or hundreds of miles away. Almost all of them ghosted her after a short online courtship.
But as her stories improved, the men stayed around longer. They expressed more interest in her as a person. Some revealed their own struggles as trans-attracted men. In short, Casey started to see this shift in the men she was meeting (with some terse pointing out on my part).
All this time, I told her her reality was changing as she changed her inner reality. I regularly pointed indications of her improved mood and the improving quality of men she met.
Until one day a man reached out to her online. He lived in the same town as Casey. He wanted to take her out on a date. It was a lot of what Casey asked for. Then, before that guy could followup on the invite ANOTHER guy, this time living about 13 miles outside Casey’s town wrote. He was better than the first guy. But the first guy was extremely sweet.
More evidence…
After a series of long online conversations, this guy, let’s call him Jason, went dark. Casey started complaining about yet another guy ghosting her. But she quickly caught her negative story. She wanted him to reach out, but was also wanting to reach out to him out of insecurity. She felt that if she reached out to him, he’d reach back out to her.
The problem with that strategy is her insecurity would speak way louder than her words. So the guy would pick up on that and give her more of what she’s focusing on: her insecurity. And therefore not reply. I strongly suggested she not take any action. Instead, I suggested she just be open to hearing from him. That’s what she did. And here’s what happened straight from Casey’s phone:
It’s interesting to note something I always beat into my clients: What another person says or does is NEVER about you. It’s always about THEM. But a lot of people, transgender women included, will make things about THEM when it’s really NOT.
A guy sending dick pics is NOT ABOUT YOU.
Someone you’re interested in you ghosting you IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
Everything someone does – even if it’s a good thing they do – is ALWAYS about them!
As icing on Casey’s cake, check out the text the guy sent her the next evening. A vast improvement from her past experiences:
Where many trans-attracted guys are when talking with transgender women. Yet, most won’t be honest about how they’re feeling.
This text blew Casey away.
A remarkable shift everyone can experience
This series of events seems extraordinary. It’s not though. What happened here with Casey can happen with ANY transgender woman. It doesn’t matter what her circumstances are because the Universe is ready to deliver to everyone anything they want.
And it IS delivering. What’s keeping the delivery from happening is the person wanting it. That person blocks the delivery with stories inconsistent with what they want.
Notice what Casey said in that final text. She’s expressing empowerment and happiness on a subject many transgender women experience insecurity and fear. Every transgender woman can experience what Casey here expresses. All it takes is a little willingness to tell different stories.
A whole lot more goodness happened with Casey since this guy reached out. But that’s for another post. If you’re wanting experiences, dramatic shifts like Casey’s, in love, or any other subject, you can have it.
And I can help. Contact me and let’s get you going on the road to your lover!