This week a client, who finds some things I tell him bewildering, asked “some of the things you know can’t be known for sure. Unless maybe you get the information from an Ayahuasca or some other hallucinogenic experience. Is that how you know what you know?”
The answer is, yes, that’s one way. I’ve had many Ayahuasca experiences. But one needn’t an hallucinogen to know how the Universe works. Much of what I know and share with clients comes from years of study and meditation, putting to practice insights my Broader Perspective offers, then seeing results show up consistent with the insights and the study.
We’re all one with the Universe. We can access what we want to know at any time. That is, if one puts themselves in the receiving mindset. The main thing keeping people from receiving what they want is resistance, often showing up as disbelief, or doubt, about what they want.
People don’t believe they can have what they deeply desire. So why would they believe something such as “you can know anything about the Universe you want to know?” if they can’t believe, for example, that their life can include all of what they want and none of what they don’t?
And yet, anyone can have such a life. I show clients how through what I share at The Transamorous Network.
How what I know happens
It’s interesting this client asked this question this week. Just this morning, I experienced exactly what I’m talking about. Here’s what happened.
Every morning, somewhere between 2 and 4 a.m., I naturally wake up. After over 15 years of Positively Focused practice, this happens automatically. I think it’s because that time of the morning offers excellent conditions for reaching the divine.
My watch’s auto-tracker noting me being awake between 2 and 4 am. The light color indicates when I was in bed. The darker color indicates when I’m in bed asleep. Breaks between the darker color, such as the one the arrow points to, shows a period I’m in bed, but awake.
So this morning I woke, then went into a special kind of meditation. There, I settled down to my core essence, the “True Self” beyond all form. My consciousness translated that “self” as a pinpoint of energy. I saw it as clearly as I see these words on my computer screen, me, that small point. I wasn’t using my eyes though.
Focused there, I settled in that still awareness for some time. When encouraged to reemerge into physical reality, as I did so, I watched as that pinpoint that was me transformed into billions of golden pinpoints.
They all spread out into a huge fan. Each, now a point of golden light, spread out in my “vision” (my eyes were still closed). And, as I came “to” into physical reality, those points of light, each one, merged with a separate object in physical reality. They became the blanket covering me, the bed, the rafters in the ceiling above me, the walls, the curtains, etc.
Messages: loud and clear
That’s when I translated that visual experience into “knowing”. What came to me: I am one with all that surrounds me.
And that’s how I know what I know.
It is said, physical life experience offers the best teaching moments. Far better than words from someone, personal experience offers lessons so visceral, the meaning sinks in deep.
I’ve had innumerable such experiences, and from those, I speak with clients, sharing my knowing so that they can put what I know to the test, then experience in their life, their versions of what I experience. Then they know as I do.
I speak from personal experience in knowing, wanting to know more and therefore discovering secrets of the Universe. But I’m not special. Anyone can do this. You can too. Obviously, I can help.
Editor’s note: this post comes in two parts. The second part follows next week.
Good news: Transgender men and cis women now write us asking for advice on creating dating success. We always knew this would happen. The Transamorous Network exists to assist the entire transgender community. That always included transgender men.
It also includes anyone who feels attracted to transgender people. And of course, it includes transgender women who are lesbian.
Today, we’re offering this post addressing the latter group. Specifically, we’re responding to the following comment we recently got via our contact page:
My problem with all of this is: what about transgender women who are not attracted to men? I am one of those. Yes, I have had bisexual encounters in the past, but that was purely to satisfy a sexual desire at the time.
I honestly have never felt any attraction towards men, hence if I’m thinking about a committed relationship, I would love to hear how and where a transgender female can meet someone that is potentially interested in her. I find it a very tricky topic: going to a typical lesbian venue could easily lead to having difficulties because of being a trans person. And that seriously limits the options to meet someone. I genuinly have not been able to think of a solution for this challenge. So, I would love to see an article on it!
To start, we’re going to burst a bubble. Don’t worry, it’s a good thing. Ready?
Lesbian dating isn’t unique
Some people think their status, whatever it is, makes them unique. Recently on Medium.com, we got a disparaging comment attempting to chastise us for offering advice to the transgender community when The Transamorous Network founder, who is non-binary and prefers “they/them” pronouns, themselves aren’t trans.
Our response to that person is the same response we offer everyone. The “trans” experience is not special. Nor is it unique. Like any other experience people experience, the transgender experience is a HUMAN experience. The same holds for transgender women who know themselves to be lesbian.
And, since the human experience fits in with the way the Universe works, the best, most fun way for transgender women who love women to meet their matches coincides with the way transgender heterosexual women and trans-attracted men meet their matches.
Said differently: transgender lesbian humans and their experiences are highly susceptible to stories such people tell about their experiences. In fact, it is ONLY their stories influencing their experiences.
Now some might respond with the worn out trope about blaming victims. Pessimistic people will say women who get raped aren’t creating that reality. They’ll jump to such examples while not thinking about what they’re saying.
As hard as it might be to hear, people experience rape the same way people who get what they want experience that. Were that false, if any exception existed to what we offer as “Universal Laws”, these “laws” couldn’t be called “laws”.
It doesn’t matter what you are. You can have everything you want. But you first must become a match. Living a transgender experience combined with a lesbian experience makes it no more difficult.
Extraordinary opportunity
What so many miss when they get caught up in the false “rape/victim blame scenario”, is the ENORMOUS power and ability available in the statement “stories create reality.”
If “stories create reality” is true (it is), then NOTHING IS OFF THE TABLE. Everything is possible. Everything! Not only is everything possible, everything possible (that’s everything) can happen with no effort on anyone’s part.
So not only can everyone get ANYTHING they want, they can get it super EASY.
This means a transgender lesbian meeting her perfect match is super easy. All she need do is figure out how “stories create reality”, then implement that how.
Our clients get this. That’s why their lives excite them. And, the more evidence they create proving to them “stories create reality”, the more excited they get.
Their excitement comes accompanied by happiness. After all, how can you not be happy when you see everything you want, and then some, happening?
So smart people who hear “stories create reality” immediately see this extraordinary opportunity. The opportunity to create and have anything they want. Instead of jumping to the “rape/victim blaming scenario”, smart people will say “tell me how this works!”
There’s no reason a transgender person’s experience shouldn’t be filled with self-fulfilling desires. And, those desires can happen easy, making life equally easy.
How stories create mis-matches
Let’s just accept for now that “stories create reality”, whether you believe that or not. From that accurate assertion then, let’s examine the comment we got through our website. You’ll see how the commenter’s stories create the reality she experiences as described in the comment. Here it is again. No scrolling up required:
My problem with all of this is: what about transgender women who are not attracted to men? I am one of those. Yes, I have had bisexual encounters in the past, but that was purely to satisfy a sexual desire at the time.
I honestly have never felt any attraction towards men, hence if I’m thinking about a committed relationship, I would love to hear how and where a transgender female can meet someone that is potentially interested in her. I find it a very tricky topic: going to a typical lesbian venue could easily lead to having difficulties because of being a trans person. And that seriously limits the options to meet someone. I genuinly have not been able to think of a solution for this challenge. So, I would love to see an article on it!
The first story the writer offers is that “there is a problem”.
If a person thinks a problem exists, they need an answer. The problem with finding the answer is, if one keeps looking at the problem, they can’t get the answer. That’s why it’s so hard to find something that’s lost.
So long as our friend here looks at her problem “finding out how to meet a woman she can love”, for example, she is not open to the solution. So it won’t come.
That’s the first story she must soothe.
How does she do that?
Create better stories
She makes up any number of stories that turn “the problem” into something else. Any of these will work:
Lots of times in the past I discovered an answer about X. I can do that again.
I don’t have to know the answer to get the answer
I’m eager to see how I will meet my wonderful match
I don’t need to be in a hurry about this
I have plenty of time to figure this out
More challenging things have worked out in my life than this
These new stories can soothe the “problem story” our friend keeps telling into irrelevance.
The old saw “what you resist persists” is true. So does “what you look at continues to be”. If our friend doesn’t like that she can’t find a female lover, she must stop looking at the fact that she doesn’t have one and can’t find one. Sounds crazy, but that’s only because people don’t understand why this works.
The key to coming up with better feeling stories is new stories that make the story teller feel better. That means the ability to feel is extremely important.
In part two, we’ll continue looking at stories this woman tells that keeps her not having what she wants. Then recommend how she can get exactly what she wants.
I’m overjoyed sharing this video and appreciate deeply my client’s willingness to share it with you too.
It’s deeply touching watching what happens in this, unfiltered, full, lightly edited recording. I knew when we had it, it offered extraordinary insight into how telling better-feeling stories works.
As my client gets near the end of the session, you can see how deeply his new stories transformed his perspective.
A session anatomy
The client came to the session after spending the week in disempowering stories. As such, he characterized the week as negative, sharing only those experiences he had access to – those matching his lower level stories – as “proof” substantiating his experience.
This offered a wonderful opportunity. We practiced shifting his stories. As he told increasingly better-feeling stories, positive experiences he had during the same week, ones he didn’t mention, returned to his memory. That’s because as he improved his stories, he resonated to those instead of more negative experiences with which he originally perceived through his matching, negative stories. In doing so his mood changed completely.
This session illustrates so many powerful insights, the most important being: Telling stories that feel good creates better life experiences.
It’s simple. Tell positive stories, get what you want.
What reality resonates?
The reality one experiences is the one with which they resonate. Life’s harmonics will draw to a person, experiences from the infinite matching that person’s stories or beliefs. He can access no other realities, even though they’re just as real. One’s experience therefore rests completely with what stories he tells. This includes relationship experiences, as well as who shows up in one’s life.
So if you want someone to love, but keep meeting toads or skeezers, the remedy isn’t on a dating site. It’s not in finding a different person. Your remedy lies in your stories.
Every reality exists simultaneously. By shifting one’s stories, through simple declarative statements, one finds oneself realizing totally different versions of the exact same reality they experience. Only details change because the better-feeling stories draw details matching them.
I love this work. I love showing people how to change their stories so they end up on track to everything they want.
But what fulfills me most is the jubilance I feel when I see significant positive shifts in people’s being. This happens in the video at 00:35:39. Especially when they see it too. That’s the payoff. That and the client realizing their life changed for the better, of course.
We’re all eternal. Getting what you want can happen all day every day. They’re sign posts along a never ending path of personal fulfillment and joy. Life’s purpose therefore doesn’t rest in getting what you want, although getting that really is fun.
Life’s purpose fulfills itself in wonderful, delicious, rambunctious feelings birthed from knowing you’re at the center of the Universe. You’re eternal, getting exactly what you create. Nothing beats that, as my client here shows.
I created an awesome blessing last night (at the time of writing this). I listened to my inner guidance coming from my positive stories and discovered joy at the end of that journey. It was the most clear demonstration of what we say is possible at The Transamorous Network.
We say stories create reality and any story told often enough will create reality consistent with it. In addition to telling the story though, the story teller must also tune into impulses they receive, then act on them.
What do those impulses sound like? It depends on the listener.
How does one hear them? That question carries more weight than the former.
A client answered that second question during his Client session recently. He did so using a colorful analogy:
“In New Mexico, where I’m from,” he began. “We have massive hot air balloon festivals. Huge balloons of all shapes and sizes and colors fill the sky.”
Apparently these brightly colored rubber sacks come shaped like stage coaches, animals, houses and more. These festivals draw such balloons from miles around.
“When these balloons start out they stand where they are, in New Mexico,” my client said. “As they rise, they go straight up into the air, but they’re still in New Mexico.”
Some crazy balloon types filling aerial balloon festivals.
The stream carries them to their dream
But then they hit the air stream high above the ground, he said. The air stream carries each balloon on journeys fulfilling their purpose. The balloonists have a general idea where they’re going, but little control. My client made the connection:
“I see when I raise my perspective through telling positive stories, I feel better about where I am. My spirit rises, I connect with my Inner Being stream and my Inner Being stream carries me to the next wonderful place. Just like balloons get carried by the airstream.”
“I don’t know what that journey looks like,” He added. “But I do know the view will be beautiful, the journey joyful and when I land, I won’t be in New Mexico anymore.”
I loved this beautiful analogy comparing tuning into Inner Being awarensss to hot air balloons merging with Earth’s invisible airstreams. Those airstreams represent hearing one’s impulses.
Hearing them requires elevating my awareness to that of my impulse communication. The impulses exist. My job: elevating myself so I tune in.
For my clients and I, tuning in means telling positive stories about everything.
These days, tuning takes priority, over income, jobs and relationships. No kidding. My marriage ended because I prioritized my relationship with turning in over my wife, for example.
Most won’t do that. Which is why I’m having the life I’m having. Most don’t get everything they want comes through one relationship only: the one between bodily existence and one’s eternal, nonphysical existence. Human relationships give relatively little in comparison.
Anyway, these days, I’m so tuned in I hear impulses constantly. But just because I hear them, doesn’t mean I follow them… 🤷🏽♂️
Which is what prompted this post
Last night (at the time of writing this) I finished engaging in my wonderful daytime passions, creating content and leading my team at Copiosis, Creating video content for Positively Focused , and creating films and illustrations for Positively Focused. It was a glorious day I intended ending by watching something on Netflix.
Catching God’s voice means tuning into God’s stream of consciousness. Just like balloons rising to Earth’s air streams. (Photo by Aditya Vyas on Unsplash)
But I had a feeling something more wanted my focus, something more thrilling, more satisfying. So there I sat on my couch scrolling through Netflix, when I felt pressure to look over at my desk. My desk sits configured for content creation. On it sits a camera, stand and computer all ready to go.
One thing I created with this rig is a Positively Focused short film called Life is More Than Meets The Eye. Earlier in the week, through another impulse, I figured out how to turn my voice into the female voice I wanted narrating this short film. Other impulses diverted me, but now, I felt compelled to resume post production.
But I also wanted to watch something on Netflix!
I felt pressure in both directions, both I knew led to something good. I even sat there a good ten minutes feeling out both options. Heck, I even said out loud “I have mixed energy, I want to watch Netflix, but I also want to work on my short film.”
My impulses don’t tell me what to do. I am a free, eternal being after all. But they do clarify which path offers the most fulfillment. Any path leads to fulfillment eventually, so choosing is never a problem.
But some choices offer more fulfillment than others.
A Netflix fail leads to better
I decided I’d watch Netflix. I started a movie featuring Michael Peña called “Extinction”. It started ok, but the longer into it, the worse I felt. I still felt the “pull” of my film work. The impulse told me something more stood available over at my desk!
My desk, configured for content creation.
But determinationto finish this movie compelled me while at the same time the film’s poor story line left me increasingly unsatisfied. Then one twist that caught my attention. From there, slight interest surfaced, but God’s voice kept urging me to my desk.
Finally, the movie ended. I surrendered, headed over to my desk and opened my editing software. The moment I engaged with my short film project, I felt something remarkable.
A HUGE energy surge welled up within me. I got totally immersed in my project. So much so I worked, and worked and worked! It was crazy!
The movie was 90 minutes long. Two hours after first sitting at my desk, I still wanted to continue. Only now, my Inner Being was sending different pressure: GO TO BED the feeling said. 😂 That message grew in intensity as 11:30 pm rolled around.
I give a name to moments like this. When I don’t heed the call of my Inner Being, but then go after a while, I call that going “kicking and screaming” toward where impulses want me to go. I want to go, but for whatever reason – stubbornness, inertia, or just laziness – I don’t.
Then, eventually I do.
In both instances that evening, finally surrendering showed me how profoundly satisfying following my impulses feels: When I woke the next morning, dreams and the ecstasy I felt from being in dream scape convinced me following impulses is always a good idea.
When doing it wrong creates right
I know now following that impulse ASAP is important. In many cases, when I get an impulse, acting immediately is crucial. That’s because, in those times, I’m the last of many “cooperative components” converging on a coordinate in time and space. Take too long and I arrive late to the rendezvous and miss the delightful surprise.
Tonight responding quick wasn’t so crucial. My film wasn’t going anywhere. My bed wasn’t either. But both proved excellent clarifying experiences. Through them I understood, with unmistakeable clarity, several lessons:
I can’t get it wrong. Fulfillment is available whatever I do, but some of what I choose contains more fulfillment than others.
Universe got my back. My Inner Being always leads me to what I want. I need to make sure though that I’m tuned into it and not something else, such as a belief that’s contrary to what my Inner Being knows.
The more I’m tuned in, the easier it is to hear impulses next time. Knowing what tuned in feels like opens doors to more of that feeling.
My passions, in this case expressing my art and my fascination with dreams, offer more satisfaction and joy than any other pursuit. Passions always contain delight. Other activities – maybe, maybe not. Certainly not as potent as my passions.
There’s still joy in watching Netflix. Apple TV too. Streaming services offer so much compelling entertainment. I know I can choose either path and find fun.
But it’s guaranteed fun will show up when I follow impulse guidance. So I make sure I do that more these days. And sooner than later.
The easiest way to get someone to stop misgendering you involves loving that person when they do it. Especially when parents misgender you. Here’s why we advocate this approach at The Transamorous Network.
Parents stick to misgendering their trans kids because they think they’re right. Nearly all people think they’re right about what they think they know. Another reason they do it involves pain. They don’t want to be wrong. Being wrong feels painful.
Parents think they know more than their children do. They’re wrong, but remember, they think they’re right and being wrong feels painful. Besides, they don’t want to believe the person they love is not the person they thought the person was.
Changing in front of children is hard
Acknowledging your identity also confronts their social standing and that’s hard for old people. No one likes losing face and old people really don’t. Your parents not only must confront their own judgements, they must also face their peers’ judgments too.
That’s tough. Misgendering you let’s them live in la la land. There they’re right and they save face. That’s a lot keeping your mom and dad misgendering you.
Parents also find socially embarrassing and humiliating being judged when in public. They care a LOT about what other people think about them. For some, their whole identity depends on what others think about them. For others, their entire career depends on it.
So parents face tremendous pressure when a child declares themselves trans.
We’re not making excuses for your parents. We’re showing you how to get what you want from them: You want them to use proper pronouns and call you by the name matching who you are.
Parents, especially older ones think they know everything. Your trans status usually confronts everything they think they know. So you must be the adult. Because they can’t. They’re too triggered. (Photo by CDC on Unsplash)
But it’s all about them…not you
Notice what happens when you resist when they misgender you: They double down, refuse your wishes, disown you or you them. Why? Because they’re defending themselves, their stories and their world view. For a while, these things are more important than a relationship with you.
All that means NOTHING about you. It’s all about them. Notice too the more you push against their world view, the more they resist you. In our vernacular, here is what happens when you resist what they do.
First, you reinforce many stories you have about your parents, which sets up future repeat experiences of what you’re resisting. You know this when you feel negative when they do what you don’t like.
Second, your parents resist your resistance, which creates in their world repeat experiences too. So you both cooperate in creating new experiences just like existing ones. Experiences neither you nor them enjoys.
This is why your parents misgendering you won’t stop until you stop resisting what they do. Of course, they could stop resisting who you really are. But, ironically, you’re the adult in this case. Not your parents. So you must make the first move.
A real example speaks volumes
A transgender client asked us why her parents kept misgendering her recently. I told her exactly what you’re reading. I said because she keeps resisting when they do it.
The most recent time happened in a social event. Her mom and step dad both called her by her dead name and used male pronouns. They did it in front of everyone. My client was embarrassed because she puts a lot of weight on what other people think about her.
The next day, a relative approached my client. “I can’t believe your parents did that in front of everybody!” this relative said. “It makes me so angry when they do that! They know you’re trans, why do they keep doing it?”
When my client told me what her relative said and how angry he was, I told my client “You don’t want to be listening to this person. Hearing this person’s stories and making them your own will just create more situations between you and your parents where they will misgender you.”
“Instead,” I said. “You should love your parents. Look for everything they do to support you. Find things you like about them. Focus on those things. When they misgender you, pretend it didn’t happen!”
My client laughed at first. She didn’t understand how doing this would work.
When you push against what you don’t like you’re setting yourself up for more of what you don’t like. That creates a lot of cray-cray on all sides. Instead, find good things about where you are and watch where you are change. (Photo by Nsey Benajah on Unsplash)
Here’s why it works
It works because whatever you look at will get bigger in your life. Whatever you look at that you feel emotional about will get bigger, faster in your life. So when you keep looking at, and get angry about ANYONE who misgenders you, you’re essentially saying “Universe, give me more of this!”
I told my client this and she said she understood.
But when she came to the next session she said he did not follow my advice. Then she told me what happened.
She had a telephone conversation with her mom. While on the phone, her relative’s complaints about her mom popped up in her head. Then she heard my voice in her head telling her not to heed her relative’s stories. But she also felt the pull of that negative story about her mom.
So instead of looking for things love-worthy in her mom she followed impulses that came from her relative’s negative stories.
“Mom,” she said. “I hope you can hear me when I say this. It really hurts me when you don’t use the correct pronouns. It also hurts me when you call me by my old name. I wish you wouldn’t do that.”
Like a match to gasoline…
Exactly as I described above, her mom got defensive instead of listening to what my client said. She didn’t hear a word my client said. Here’s what she did hear:
You’re wrong
You’re bad
I know better than you
Do what I say!
Your values are wrong
Your beliefs are wrong
Is it any surprise what happened next? Her mom got defensive, then angry, then went into a rage. She attacked my client (remember this is a phone call). In response, my client lost her cool and attacked back.
My client’s mom had the phone on speaker and her husband (my client’s step father) also jumped in. Of course he defended his wife. That’s natural, right?
My client said she said things to her mom she regrets saying. She also said her mom said things she’s never said to my client before. The phone call happened three days ago. My client and her mom hadn’t talked since.
Your anger at those who misgender you acts as a match to gasoline. The fire just gets hotter…until you learn the better way. That learning needn’t be as hard as it is though. (Photo by Nsey Benajah on Unsplash)
Lesson learned the hard way
My client left the conversation extremely hurt. But it was all good because she realized through that very painful experience the accuracy of how this work works.
You just cannot get what you want when you focus on what you don’t want. Focusing on what you don’t want just gives you more of that.
So if you want someone to stop misgendering you, you can’t react negatively when they do it. Instead, you must find things to appreciate about the person. When someone misgenders you, you must talk yourself out of negative reactions. Then find positive things to say that cause you to feel good.
Until you do, until you learn to master your emotional responses to events, you just keep getting more practice. Practice which looks like people misgendering you!
It seems counterintuitive, doesn’t it? But try it. You’ll find in short order that those who refuse to accept who you are will change. Then you’ve mastered your happiness.
It will take longer for loved ones only because you’ve got persistent stories about them, about how they are, and you think you’re right about that. But even persistent beliefs can change.
And when your beliefs change, everything else does too.
