“I’m Sick And Tired Of Being Angry” – Trans Woman Says

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

Synopsis: “Madge,” a transgender woman, discovers through meditation her deep-seated anger stemming from fears about her safety. Although she lives in trans-friendly Portland and has faced no violence, her fears have hardened into resistance, which complicates her relationships. By recognizing her internal barriers, Madge takes the first step to dismantling her anger and enhancing her future relationships.

A transgender client this week spoke for many trans women we know who struggle with love. And with life.

It’s not that her life is bad. Or that she’s failing at love. She’s doing well at both. In fact, this client’s realization came at a high point in her sessions. But the revelation was sobering for her. I’m sure it will be for many reading the following account of what happened.

It really is an amazing testament of what clients get from this practice.

Let’s dive in.

The hard shell of false self protection

This client, “Madge” is an advanced practitioner. As a result, she’s starting to explore more esoteric aspects of the practice. That exploration begins with meditation.

Our specific meditation method is powerful. Which is why Madge had what happen, happen. In fact, what happened, happened in her first meditation session. That’s how effective our meditation practice is!

The meditation lasted only five minutes. Half-way through, Madge revealed something she never revealed before.

“I’m so angry all the time,” she said. “I’m sick and tired of being angry all the time.” As she said this, tears streamed down her face.

Now, tears are a good thing. Despite some people demeaning the act, crying indicates a great release of resistance. That’s why, after a good cry, people feel better!

Resistance is a major impediment to getting what we want. Particularly in love. We create resistance when we tell stories contrary to our desires. That resistance makes getting what we want hard or impossible.

Madge’s anger is an act of self protection. But it’s also a sign of resistance. Her anger emanates from her and everyone can feel it. Especially Madge. That keeps everyone at a comfortable distance from her. Including men who might otherwise be interested in her.

Her intense, smoldering anger also explains why Madge takes “mood stabilizers.” That hard shell of protection emanating as anger also triggers a lot of anxiety. Anxiety telling her that protection is unnecessary.

Your emotions matter

Certain emotions tell us how much resistance exists within us. Anger indicates very strong resistance. After five minutes were up, Madge and I talked about why she was angry. The conversation was quite revelatory.

“I’m always holding a guard up,” She explained. “I believe I need to because if I don’t, I feel I’m at risk of being attacked.”

Madge believes that, because she’s trans, she’s at greater physical risk. Now, many transgender people will agree with this belief. And while statistics show a correlation between being trans and increased risk of violence, those statistics break down when it comes to individuals.

In other words, whether a transgender person, or anyone for that matter, experiences violence depends 100 percent on that person’s stories. Not stats. And many stories transgender women tell about anti-trans violence are out of touch with what’s actually happening in their lives.

Everyone is in touch with their emotions though. And Madge’s anger was telling her that her stories were creating experiences Madge would not like. Including her being alone.

Her beliefs are also a major factor as to why she’s chronically anxious. Anger and anxiety are both strong emotions. For Madge, most of this occurs at very subtle levels. Mostly because she’s let these beliefs fester for so long.

That the meditative practice surfaced them was a great thing. So we explored it further.

Confronting what’s actually happening

Madge lives in Portland, Oregon. The city is well-known as a haven for trans people. I was shocked Madge believed she was at risk here. So I poked at that belief:

“How long have you lived in Portland as a trans person?” I asked.

“Over seven years,” She said.

“And in those seven years, how many times have you experienced physical violence?” I asked.

Madge had to think about it. I already knew the answer.

“I have never experienced violence,” Madge said thoughtfully.

“OK, and how many times can you remember receiving verbal insults related to your trans-ness in those ten years?” I asked.

“None,” She said.

By now Madge was seeing obvious discrepancies between her fears and her actual life. This was very important, of course. That’s because Madge really wants to be in a relationship. And all the men she’s meeting reflect her fears and worries: They are on the DL. They haven’t fully embraced that trans women are ok to be attracted to. In other words, they feel risk, just like Madge does. No wonder such men show up in her life. She’s a match to them!

Serendipity: the best dating method

I assert many times in this blog that the best way to meet your match is through every day activities out in life. Not online dating. But if a person is afraid of the outside world, I can see how they’d resort to that sucky online experience.

Madge is afraid of the outside world. That fear emanates from her. It blinds her too. It prevents her from seeing guys checking her out. She also can’t tell when a guy compliments her about her appearance. When they do, she ignores it. Or tells the most disempowering story about it. Other times, when she notices a guy staring at her, she nearly always interprets his stare as threatening. When instead, the stare could indicate romantic interest.

Madge and I talked about this in the past.

So if you’re afraid of the world around you, it’s impossible for the Universe to match you with your ideal partner. Your stories create your experience. You also can’t enjoy the fun of such an in-real-life rendezvous! Like this. The Universe is sending matches your way, but if you’ve got that hard shell of protection erected, you’re not going to even notice them.

Its all good tho

The good news is, this situation is reversible. Meanwhile, the Universe will never tire of bringing you ideal matches. That’s something to celebrate. Many people worry that the pool of eligible partners is too small.

Poppycock!

There are an unlimited number of people looking to be with you. Just because you don’t see them, doesn’t mean they’re not there!

The good news for Madge is, she now realizes something that’s been blocking her for a long time. Now she can start dismantling it. And in doing so she can let in the men she wants to meet. She’s already made progress. The men she meets are improving. Meanwhile, there’s a lot more progress ahead.

Maybe you’re struggling to meet your match. Let’s figure that out. It 100 percent has to do with stories you’re telling. Thankfully, telling positive stories and weeding out disempowering ones is my speciality. So let’s talk.

How To Get Off Anxiety Meds

Photo by Christina Victoria Craft on Unsplash

A lot of transgender and trans-attracted people solve anxiety and other emotional problems through medication. Nearly all those people don’t realize they don’t need medication to rid themselves from anxiety, depression or other emotional issues.

That’s because such emotions are a blessing. Left unchecked though, they can become a curse. They can enslave one in discomfort. So much discomfort the only choice that person thinks they have is relief through a pill.

The medical profession is only too quick to oblige people who suffer from anxiety or other emotions. That’s why almost 20 percent of Americans find themselves with anxiety or other emotional “disorders”.

But such emotional diagnoses get labeled “disorders” needing “treatment” because so many don’t understand the benefit such emotions bring to those experiencing them. Now, I already can hear the rebuttal:

“Easy for you to say,” a snarky transgender woman might write. “You don’t struggle with anxiety.”

Well, I respond, listening to me might be a good idea then. Because, snarky transgender woman, you’re right, I don’t. But if you can’t or won’t listen to me, take the example of a client who just today instantly caused their anxiety to disappear.

How emotions benefit

She came to her session complaining about sleeping poorly the night before. We explored the reasons and the main one was a “general anxiety.” I explained why anxiety shows up for her and suggested she could benefit from the benefits her anxiety offered.

We talked about that briefly, then we dove into an exercise which brought her near instant relief. I’m sharing that exercise here. But first, here’s why anxiety is beneficial.

Anxiety, like any emotion, tells humans something they must know. If they want fulfilling, happy lives, the must know what emotions tell them. But if you ask ten random strangers (or strange friends 😊) why we have emotions, i.e. what their purpose is, you won’t get good answers. Most people don’t know why emotions exist.

Emotions give us clues about how to get everything we want. I talk about this and how to use the clues with clients every week. It takes convincing, of course. That’s because other people convince us they know better than our emotions about what’s right for us.

But for those who use their emotions correctly, charting a path to happiness is inevitable. That’s why emotions – including anxiety – exist. They help us discover our happiness. They also light up the path to everything we want.

Negative emotions, such as anxiety, offer far more benefit than positive ones. But when used incorrectly or not at all, they can spell trouble. And when people mask them with drugs, emotions’ benefits get masked too.

How to get the benefit

The key to unlocking those benefits looks like using emotions for their intended purpose. That means using negative, or unwanted, emotions to chart a course to more positive, better feeling ones. That’s the purpose of the exercise I gave my client.

It worked near instantly. She could tell it worked that fast too. Looking at her face and reactions, it was obvious.

The exercise involves a series of statements that begin with acknowledging the unwanted emotion then moving through that into better feeling emotions. Statements made are declarative, succinct and include increasing levels of emotion as those emotions show up.

My client asked that I make a recording as an aid for her so she can use the recording to practice. Once I did it, I realized readers of this blog could benefit too. So, here it is free of charge. Simply click on this link. It will direct you to a google drive where you can download it to your computer or phone.

The first minute or so offers instructions, then the remaining eight minutes offer the exercise.

Don’t be fooled

As simple as this may sound recorded, the exercise contains great power. Used alone, anyone suffering from occasional or mild anxiety can eliminate such experiences from daily life. Used in conjunction with other practices I offer in my Positively Focused sessions, even those with chronic, medicated anxiety can find so much relief over time, they can eventually get off their medication.

It’s hard when so many people give so much advice about things while not really understanding the purpose and origins of such things. Emotions are one such thing. Without understanding them, doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists do people a disservice.

I realize they’re doing their best and many sincerely want to help.

Of course, there are severe conditions existing where putting people on medications provides needed relief. And from there, a person can eventually perhaps discover ways to better manage chronic anxiety and other unwanted emotions, such as depression.

But for the vast majority of anxiety and depression sufferers, there are very good reasons why such emotions happen. They don’t have to happen. But unless one understands why they happen, finding the way out remains elusive.

Don’t be fooled. Anxiety needn’t be a constant companion. Discover your own inherent, natural relief from anxiety. Use it for its intended purpose.

Then you’ll find yourself appreciating anxiety for what it is: a blessing. Not a curse. Want to know more? I can help.

[VIDEO] Why Doing Nothing Gives The Best Dating Results

The best way to create a better dating life starts with learning how to do nothing. When people discover the power of doing nothing, life really starts taking off. And dates people have get better and better.

This is especially true for those looking for that perfect mate. Transgender and trans-attracted people struggle finding love because they’re caught up in the “doing disease”. It literally feels like that. Dis-ease.

We think all we need “to do” is do more of what others are doing and we’ll find our mate. So that’s what we do. We go to bars. Maybe we ask friends to hook us up. But the one thing so many do while infected with “doing disease” is pursuing a partner via online dating.

I know that path personally. Over the early part of my life I probably spent something like seven thousand dollars subscribed to various online dating sites. That includes transgender-specific ones. I spent another five thousand or so on other match-making alternatives. That was before I discovered a far more powerful way to fall in love: telling powerful stories.

Doing is drudgery

Before that discovery, I was caught up in doing too. And doing had me doing what everyone else did. It worked. Sometimes. Looking back, though, the success rate of all that doing wasn’t very high. It wasn’t any fun either in retrospect.

No one really likes getting on dating sites in order to find love. It’s a lot of work and money. But it’s crazy how many people go there. So few actually find what they want that way, yet, so many go that way and struggle through sucky experiences.

I’ve asked my clients which they’d prefer: meeting their match in their daily life, on the way to the grocery or while in a park for example, or meeting them on line. Every one agrees they’d prefer meeting them in real life.

Why do so many go through that drudgery then? Maybe it’s because they’re trapped in the doing the disease like I was. I’m glad I found the way out. The way out being doing nothing. It seems crazy, but it’s true. Here’s why.

So many people tire themselves out by trying to get what they want through action. But doing nothing begins a path where things happen far more easily. No struggle required. (Photo by Adrian Swancar)

You match what you’re getting

First, the reason why so many seek their partner through doing, yet fail to find them, is because they’re trying to get something they don’t believe they can have. I talk about this with every client. A person can’t find something they think they can’t find. That’s the case for keys, lost gloves and partners one think doesn’t exist.

How can someone find a partner if they think that partner doesn’t exist? That’s the belief in which many transgender and trans-attracted people stand. So many transgender people think they can’t find a guy who will love them for what they are. So many trans-attracted guys think transgender women of the kind they want, don’t exist. And yet, both parties do, do, do, while not knowing their doing doubles down on their negative thoughts about what they want.

Worse still, how can a person find someone to love if they believe they themselves aren’t lovable? Many transgender women struggle with believing they are worthy of what they want. A lot think they love themselves. But track what comes out of their mouths and in short order overwhelming evidence piles up. That evidence shows what that trans woman really feels about herself.

Same goes with trans-attracted men. Although it’s much easier seeing the evidence. We trans-attracted men struggle with shame and embarrassment about our attraction, but also about our desires. We’re insecure about what our desires tell us about ourselves. And so we struggle too.

Insecurities proceed us all

The fact is, if a person doesn’t think their partner exists, or they don’t think they deserve finding them, they’re not going to.

So when such a person goes online to find their partner, armed with such beliefs and insecurities, they draw to them experiences confirming their beliefs and insecurities. They meet skeezer trans women, cavort with call girls and escorts and get had by gold diggers. Or they meet men who only want to sext, see dick picks or ghost the minute online conversations turn to meeting in person.

When people get these responses, they ignore what these experiences tell them. Instead, they try harder, do more, push, struggle more. They think if they do all that, they’ll finally get what they want.

It doesn’t work that way. Especially in love.

Finding love is easy when you give up the struggle. Even if you’re trans or trans-attracted. (Photo by Juliette F on Unsplash)

Doing it different?

Doing nothing begins an important process. That process reverses inertia created when a person keeps doing the same thing over and over, while expecting different results. When someone calms themselves, relaxes and focuses inward, powerful processes get underway even though it seems like nothing happens.

And the more that person relaxes into doing nothing, the more effective they get. That’s because every person, trans or trans-attracted, receives guidance through their intuition. Doing nothing tunes one into their intuition.

What really happens is, by doing nothing, the person calms down noise in their head. That way they start hearing clear signals their intuition sends all day, every day.

In time, the person realizes some profound insights. Like this client:

Uncovering such insights takes a while. And this is the challenge. So many people in our lives tell us doing nothing is lazy and time wasting. But it’s not that. It’s a profound state of being which tunes one back into their deeper knowing.

But if you listen to society, parents, educators and all those loud mouths in the peanut gallery, you’ll hear “stop being lazy”, “work harder”, “success is in the struggle”.

It works but it’s tough

Such approaches work. But do you really want to struggle through life? I don’t. I’d rather enjoy life while seeing my life bringing me everything I want with little effort.

People who struggle claim it’s worth the struggle. They look at and display scars they “earned” on the way to their success. I say give that approach up, especially when it comes to finding love.

Instead, figure out how to become a match to the relationship, that lasting, loving, true love you want. It’s far more fun, easier, and when it shows up, will be a better match. That’s because on the way to receiving it, you’re becoming a match to it. You’re becoming happy. You’re letting go of your pessimism and joylessness. You let go of blame and judgement.

And when all that happens, you can’t help but meet someone who is just like you. After all, in all that doing to find a partner, the judgement, pessimism, and joylessness you experience is what you get in return in the form of partners matching all of that.

A better way exists. It starts with doing nothing, which really is doing a lot. Learning to do nothing transforms lives. My clients know this. It’s time for you to know it too.

[VIDEO] Find Joy In Looking For Love Then It’s Yours

The best way to get what you want is to pursue what you want because pursuing it is joyful. This is especially true when trying to find love as a transgender or a trans-attracted person.

That’s because “the odds” of you finding the love you want are very low…if you’re looking at the odds. Looking at the odds is what it means to be “realistic”. Being realistic means “trying hard”. It means doing what others did and their successes or failures. It involves focusing with the end in mind and “faking it till you make it.”

All of those ways can work. But look around at people doing it that way. It’s hard work. People hate the process. Hardly anyone gets what they’re after, because the path is so filled with struggle many or most give up on what they want. Or worse, they compromise. They settle for something “ok” instead of holding out for their dream.

Those outcomes happen when someone goes after something thinking the result is what they’re after. If, however, a person goes after something, knowing the journey to that thing is what matters most, the entire process and experience of the process changes. It’s no longer a struggle, it’s a joy. The process of doing becomes the purpose of the doing, not the means to the ends. And in that mind space, what one wants happens, fast.

Your action isn’t the main attraction

Why does this happen? Because when the mind isn’t focused on the end goal, the mind becomes more open to millions of avenues leading to the goal instead of the one way one thinks it must happen.

Think about it. When focused on a particular goal, say, finding a lover, usually people think of one particular way to get that lover. The main way they think it must happen has to do mainly with their taking action to “make something happen”.

But the majority of people who get what they want, especially really big things they want, hardly ever get those things through their hard work. And usually, when asked, those people attribute “success” to “luck” or “god” or some other force greater than themselves that made it all possible. There’s truth to their attribution. Your action is not the main attraction.

Often, these people reach a point in their “doing” where they realize they’ve done all they can. With nothing more they can do, they give up. They surrender to “come what may”. Typically, once they give up, once they surrender, that thing they want shows up. It’s not the surrender that makes that happen. It’s what happens when one surrenders.

Surrender to the journey

When one surrenders, they give up actions, but also thoughts standing in the way of the easy flow of what is wanted. In other words, the person no longer stands in the way of what they want. Instead, in giving up, they become a cooperative element in the unfolding.

Another way of “surrendering” is giving up focusing on the end goal and instead enjoying the process, doing what one’s doing for no other reason than the joyful doing of the doing. A client and I talked about exactly this recently. Take a listen:

I have several really big things I’m “manifesting”. They include things 99 percent of humans will say can’t be done. But I know those things on my list are as easy for me as an eternal being, with the power of the Universe behind me, to accomplish as it is to walk from one room to another. However, I must relax into the process of their unfolding, because I too have residual belief in their impossibility.

It’s not the “impossibility” of the things I want keeping them from happening. It’s the belief in the impossibility slowing things down. So for someone like me, who wants really big things showing up, I must focus relentlessly on the journey as the goal rather than the goal itself. That’s why I see, nearly every day, evidence of their unfolding.

Everyone can enjoy fulfilled dreams

Compared to what’s on my list, finding a partner, for a transgender or trans-attracted person, is easy as pie. Which is exactly why I write in this blog every week how easy finding a partner is. It IS easy. When a transgender person or a trans-attracted person gives up beliefs running contrary to the love, the ideal love, they desire, what they desire will come.

Thoughts contrary to what they desire aren’t the only ones that must go though. Thoughts seemingly having nothing to do with what they want also must go. This is why it seems to take forever for most people wanting a partner to find one. It’s also why some transgender and trans-attracted people never find their partner. They aren’t willing to surrender. Meaning, they aren’t willing to give up what they must to have what they want.

The biggest thing to give up is being right. Many transgender women and trans-attracted men will swear to the accuracy of their disempowering stories about men or transgender women. Little do they know their being right is one of the biggest things keeping them from enjoying their desires fulfilled.

Anyone can have what they want no matter what it is because the Universe is a wish-granting jewel ready to deliver ANYTHING someone can formulate desire for.

All that’s required is focusing on the reason why someone wants what they want rather than focusing on the thing wanted. Doing that will naturally put one in alignment with the wanted thing, so long as the reasons feel good. If a person can remain in those good feelings, instead of thinking about how lonely they are, or how impossible the goal seems, they’ll get what they want. It’s that easy.

Feeling good is like finding

It’s easy because when a person focuses on why they want what they want and feel good in that, the desire becomes more important than the fulfillment. They don’t need the thing they want, because they already feel good without it. So the desire’s fulfillment becomes irrelevant. When a person gets there, then having what they want is icing on the cake because they already feel as they will feel when what they want comes. Feeling good about what you want, is as good as having it. And when you’re there, you’re sure to have that which you want.

If you’re struggling to find that love you want, it’s likely you’re focused too much on the end goal of having the lover, instead of enjoying the journey to the lover. It’s not hard shifting that focus. It can happen in as little as five minutes. You know you’ve done that when you feel good right now, even without having that love you want. And again, when you feel good, you’re closer to having what you want than you think.

If you want to know more about how this all works, set up a free 1:1 and let’s talk. Let’s discover how easy it is to have the love you think is impossible. It’s not as impossible as you think. All you need is a bit more joy.

[VIDEO]How To Never Meet Transphobic People Again

Early in his sessions, a Transamorous Network client asked asked “Are you saying that if you tell positive stories, you can never have contact with negative people?”

“Yes,” I said.

It’s hard believing EVERYTHING is possible. Until some things a person thinks impossible start happening. Such is the case with this client. His life filled with all kinds of people connections. Some were positive, cordial, even friendly.

But others were downright hostile. Especially his encounters with people he knew well. This client attributed the latter encounters to the fact that “I basically have been a dick my entire life.”

“Being a dick” though is a story/belief. Everything in physical reality comes to us based on stories we tell. Stories about life, ourselves and others all carry vibrations. So how people react to us – and how we react to them – tells us a lot about what stories we’re telling.

Or rather it can, when one learns how they create their reality.

Evidence comes when invited

That includes meeting transphobic people or people who’ll give you a hard time for being trans-attracted. That’s right. Most transgender people dislike it when people misgender them. Especially when they do it on purpose because they’re afraid what transgender people represent.

But the only reason such people show up in someone’s life is because the “someone” is a match to that experience. No exceptions.

Which is what this client learned. Early on he still kept experiencing less than happy encounters. All the while, I stood steadfast, knowing everyone creates their reality. “Reality” includes people we meet, date, marry. We even create our family members, including our parents and grandparents. And especially our partners.

This client’s storytelling still needs work. But he’s receiving early signs convincing him my assertion’s accuracy. It’s not actually my assertion though. It’s a universal law.

When other people have what you want

How do I know he’s receiving early signs? Because people around him are experiencing what he’s talking about. Including me. So do lives of my other clients. When someone in your life experiences something you want, you must be in the vicinity of enjoying that experience yourself.

But if you complain about not having it, or get jealous about that person, you move out of the vicinity of that wanted thing. Appreciate what another has and you move closer. Then you’ll start seeing all kinds of people’s experience mirroring your desire.

For example, this week, while talking with a Positively Focused client on his 100th session, the client brought up something very interesting. Take a listen:

The moment he said this, I knew sharing this with my Transamorous Network client would be a great idea. I wanted this client’s permission first, so I sent the clip to him asking to share it.

That took a couple days. In those ensuing days, I had a remarkable, similar example. It was as though the Universe was driving the point home.

While walking through my neighborhood park, I passed two people, a man and woman. They walked hand-in-hand immersed in conversation. Even so, the guy looked at me. At that moment, I stood fully in my positive stories. I met his gaze with an ear-to-ear smile and a twinkle in my eye.

I made a lap around the park. Then, as I turned a corner, the same couple approached.

“Excuse me, excuse me,” the guy said.

“Yes?” I replied.

“You have the greatest smile,” He said.

What confirmation! But also, the moment that happened too, I knew sharing it with my Transamorous Network client would make his day.

He creates his own evidence

Sharing these experiences, I knew, would soothe the his negative stories, allowing his life to prove that he too, can create such a reality. One where he never meets negative people ever again.

Little did I know, he already was there. I shared what happened with him via text. What he wrote back didn’t surprise me at all:

This client is on his 35th session. He needed some prompting to realize he already is producing evidence he once thought impossible. How did he miss it before this? His negative stories. That’s all.

And that’s the thing. Some transgender folks and their allies focus on all the negative things happening in the world towards and about transgender people. They think focusing on the negative things is how negative things get solved, But there’s a TON of positive things happening towards and about transgender people. Negative things resolve themselves when human consciousness focuses on the positive things. That’s because human consciousness is an amplifier.

Whatever it focuses on, gets bigger. Remove the focus, it gets smaller.

Everything is possible

Is it possible to never have negative encounters? Is it possible to never get misgendered? Can I really have a life where I meet not a single transphobic person?

Of course! Even better: it’s possible ONLY to have great encounters with people. When you’re a match to great encounters, that’s what you’re going to attract. Living as a match to great encounters means you, yourself, live so high flying you only offer great encounters.

And when you live from there, the only people you’ll meet are those matching that way of being.

It’s lovely knowing this, but it’s even better experiencing it. For in the experiencing, one really gets that if this kind of thing is possible – if you can create other people as the versions of them you want to experience – then ANYTHING else is possible too.

I prefer saying EVERYTHING is possible. Because it is!

Ready to have that experience? Let’s get started!