Category: How Tos

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[VIDEO] Find Joy In Looking For Love Then It’s Yours

The best way to get what you want is to pursue what you want because pursuing it is joyful. This is especially true when trying to find love as a transgender or a trans-attracted person.

That’s because “the odds” of you finding the love you want are very low…if you’re looking at the odds. Looking at the odds is what it means to be “realistic”. Being realistic means “trying hard”. It means doing what others did and their successes or failures. It involves focusing with the end in mind and “faking it till you make it.”

All of those ways can work. But look around at people doing it that way. It’s hard work. People hate the process. Hardly anyone gets what they’re after, because the path is so filled with struggle many or most give up on what they want. Or worse, they compromise. They settle for something “ok” instead of holding out for their dream.

Those outcomes happen when someone goes after something thinking the result is what they’re after. If, however, a person goes after something, knowing the journey to that thing is what matters most, the entire process and experience of the process changes. It’s no longer a struggle, it’s a joy. The process of doing becomes the purpose of the doing, not the means to the ends. And in that mind space, what one wants happens, fast.

Your action isn’t the main attraction

Why does this happen? Because when the mind isn’t focused on the end goal, the mind becomes more open to millions of avenues leading to the goal instead of the one way one thinks it must happen.

Think about it. When focused on a particular goal, say, finding a lover, usually people think of one particular way to get that lover. The main way they think it must happen has to do mainly with their taking action to “make something happen”.

But the majority of people who get what they want, especially really big things they want, hardly ever get those things through their hard work. And usually, when asked, those people attribute “success” to “luck” or “god” or some other force greater than themselves that made it all possible. There’s truth to their attribution. Your action is not the main attraction.

Often, these people reach a point in their “doing” where they realize they’ve done all they can. With nothing more they can do, they give up. They surrender to “come what may”. Typically, once they give up, once they surrender, that thing they want shows up. It’s not the surrender that makes that happen. It’s what happens when one surrenders.

Surrender to the journey

When one surrenders, they give up actions, but also thoughts standing in the way of the easy flow of what is wanted. In other words, the person no longer stands in the way of what they want. Instead, in giving up, they become a cooperative element in the unfolding.

Another way of “surrendering” is giving up focusing on the end goal and instead enjoying the process, doing what one’s doing for no other reason than the joyful doing of the doing. A client and I talked about exactly this recently. Take a listen:

I have several really big things I’m “manifesting”. They include things 99 percent of humans will say can’t be done. But I know those things on my list are as easy for me as an eternal being, with the power of the Universe behind me, to accomplish as it is to walk from one room to another. However, I must relax into the process of their unfolding, because I too have residual belief in their impossibility.

It’s not the “impossibility” of the things I want keeping them from happening. It’s the belief in the impossibility slowing things down. So for someone like me, who wants really big things showing up, I must focus relentlessly on the journey as the goal rather than the goal itself. That’s why I see, nearly every day, evidence of their unfolding.

Everyone can enjoy fulfilled dreams

Compared to what’s on my list, finding a partner, for a transgender or trans-attracted person, is easy as pie. Which is exactly why I write in this blog every week how easy finding a partner is. It IS easy. When a transgender person or a trans-attracted person gives up beliefs running contrary to the love, the ideal love, they desire, what they desire will come.

Thoughts contrary to what they desire aren’t the only ones that must go though. Thoughts seemingly having nothing to do with what they want also must go. This is why it seems to take forever for most people wanting a partner to find one. It’s also why some transgender and trans-attracted people never find their partner. They aren’t willing to surrender. Meaning, they aren’t willing to give up what they must to have what they want.

The biggest thing to give up is being right. Many transgender women and trans-attracted men will swear to the accuracy of their disempowering stories about men or transgender women. Little do they know their being right is one of the biggest things keeping them from enjoying their desires fulfilled.

Anyone can have what they want no matter what it is because the Universe is a wish-granting jewel ready to deliver ANYTHING someone can formulate desire for.

All that’s required is focusing on the reason why someone wants what they want rather than focusing on the thing wanted. Doing that will naturally put one in alignment with the wanted thing, so long as the reasons feel good. If a person can remain in those good feelings, instead of thinking about how lonely they are, or how impossible the goal seems, they’ll get what they want. It’s that easy.

Feeling good is like finding

It’s easy because when a person focuses on why they want what they want and feel good in that, the desire becomes more important than the fulfillment. They don’t need the thing they want, because they already feel good without it. So the desire’s fulfillment becomes irrelevant. When a person gets there, then having what they want is icing on the cake because they already feel as they will feel when what they want comes. Feeling good about what you want, is as good as having it. And when you’re there, you’re sure to have that which you want.

If you’re struggling to find that love you want, it’s likely you’re focused too much on the end goal of having the lover, instead of enjoying the journey to the lover. It’s not hard shifting that focus. It can happen in as little as five minutes. You know you’ve done that when you feel good right now, even without having that love you want. And again, when you feel good, you’re closer to having what you want than you think.

If you want to know more about how this all works, set up a free 1:1 and let’s talk. Let’s discover how easy it is to have the love you think is impossible. It’s not as impossible as you think. All you need is a bit more joy.

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[VIDEO]How To Never Meet Transphobic People Again

Early in his sessions, a Transamorous Network client asked asked “Are you saying that if you tell positive stories, you can never have contact with negative people?”

“Yes,” I said.

It’s hard believing EVERYTHING is possible. Until some things a person thinks impossible start happening. Such is the case with this client. His life filled with all kinds of people connections. Some were positive, cordial, even friendly.

But others were downright hostile. Especially his encounters with people he knew well. This client attributed the latter encounters to the fact that “I basically have been a dick my entire life.”

“Being a dick” though is a story/belief. Everything in physical reality comes to us based on stories we tell. Stories about life, ourselves and others all carry vibrations. So how people react to us – and how we react to them – tells us a lot about what stories we’re telling.

Or rather it can, when one learns how they create their reality.

Evidence comes when invited

That includes meeting transphobic people or people who’ll give you a hard time for being trans-attracted. That’s right. Most transgender people dislike it when people misgender them. Especially when they do it on purpose because they’re afraid what transgender people represent.

But the only reason such people show up in someone’s life is because the “someone” is a match to that experience. No exceptions.

Which is what this client learned. Early on he still kept experiencing less than happy encounters. All the while, I stood steadfast, knowing everyone creates their reality. “Reality” includes people we meet, date, marry. We even create our family members, including our parents and grandparents. And especially our partners.

This client’s storytelling still needs work. But he’s receiving early signs convincing him my assertion’s accuracy. It’s not actually my assertion though. It’s a universal law.

When other people have what you want

How do I know he’s receiving early signs? Because people around him are experiencing what he’s talking about. Including me. So do lives of my other clients. When someone in your life experiences something you want, you must be in the vicinity of enjoying that experience yourself.

But if you complain about not having it, or get jealous about that person, you move out of the vicinity of that wanted thing. Appreciate what another has and you move closer. Then you’ll start seeing all kinds of people’s experience mirroring your desire.

For example, this week, while talking with a Positively Focused client on his 100th session, the client brought up something very interesting. Take a listen:

The moment he said this, I knew sharing this with my Transamorous Network client would be a great idea. I wanted this client’s permission first, so I sent the clip to him asking to share it.

That took a couple days. In those ensuing days, I had a remarkable, similar example. It was as though the Universe was driving the point home.

While walking through my neighborhood park, I passed two people, a man and woman. They walked hand-in-hand immersed in conversation. Even so, the guy looked at me. At that moment, I stood fully in my positive stories. I met his gaze with an ear-to-ear smile and a twinkle in my eye.

I made a lap around the park. Then, as I turned a corner, the same couple approached.

“Excuse me, excuse me,” the guy said.

“Yes?” I replied.

“You have the greatest smile,” He said.

What confirmation! But also, the moment that happened too, I knew sharing it with my Transamorous Network client would make his day.

He creates his own evidence

Sharing these experiences, I knew, would soothe the his negative stories, allowing his life to prove that he too, can create such a reality. One where he never meets negative people ever again.

Little did I know, he already was there. I shared what happened with him via text. What he wrote back didn’t surprise me at all:

This client is on his 35th session. He needed some prompting to realize he already is producing evidence he once thought impossible. How did he miss it before this? His negative stories. That’s all.

And that’s the thing. Some transgender folks and their allies focus on all the negative things happening in the world towards and about transgender people. They think focusing on the negative things is how negative things get solved, But there’s a TON of positive things happening towards and about transgender people. Negative things resolve themselves when human consciousness focuses on the positive things. That’s because human consciousness is an amplifier.

Whatever it focuses on, gets bigger. Remove the focus, it gets smaller.

Everything is possible

Is it possible to never have negative encounters? Is it possible to never get misgendered? Can I really have a life where I meet not a single transphobic person?

Of course! Even better: it’s possible ONLY to have great encounters with people. When you’re a match to great encounters, that’s what you’re going to attract. Living as a match to great encounters means you, yourself, live so high flying you only offer great encounters.

And when you live from there, the only people you’ll meet are those matching that way of being.

It’s lovely knowing this, but it’s even better experiencing it. For in the experiencing, one really gets that if this kind of thing is possible – if you can create other people as the versions of them you want to experience – then ANYTHING else is possible too.

I prefer saying EVERYTHING is possible. Because it is!

Ready to have that experience? Let’s get started!

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How I know The Universe’s Beautiful Secrets

Photo by Emily KenCairn of Apiary Studio on Unsplash

This week a client, who finds some things I tell him bewildering, asked “some of the things you know can’t be known for sure. Unless maybe you get the information from an Ayahuasca or some other hallucinogenic experience. Is that how you know what you know?”

The answer is, yes, that’s one way. I’ve had many Ayahuasca experiences. But one needn’t an hallucinogen to know how the Universe works. Much of what I know and share with clients comes from years of study and meditation, putting to practice insights my Broader Perspective offers, then seeing results show up consistent with the insights and the study.

We’re all one with the Universe. We can access what we want to know at any time. That is, if one puts themselves in the receiving mindset. The main thing keeping people from receiving what they want is resistance, often showing up as disbelief, or doubt, about what they want.

People don’t believe they can have what they deeply desire. So why would they believe something such as “you can know anything about the Universe you want to know?” if they can’t believe, for example, that their life can include all of what they want and none of what they don’t?

And yet, anyone can have such a life. I show clients how through what I share at The Transamorous Network.

How what I know happens

It’s interesting this client asked this question this week. Just this morning, I experienced exactly what I’m talking about. Here’s what happened.

Every morning, somewhere between 2 and 4 a.m., I naturally wake up. After over 15 years of Positively Focused practice, this happens automatically. I think it’s because that time of the morning offers excellent conditions for reaching the divine.

My watch’s auto-tracker noting me being awake between 2 and 4 am. The light color indicates when I was in bed. The darker color indicates when I’m in bed asleep. Breaks between the darker color, such as the one the arrow points to, shows a period I’m in bed, but awake.

So this morning I woke, then went into a special kind of meditation. There, I settled down to my core essence, the “True Self” beyond all form. My consciousness translated that “self” as a pinpoint of energy. I saw it as clearly as I see these words on my computer screen, me, that small point. I wasn’t using my eyes though.

Focused there, I settled in that still awareness for some time. When encouraged to reemerge into physical reality, as I did so, I watched as that pinpoint that was me transformed into billions of golden pinpoints.

They all spread out into a huge fan. Each, now a point of golden light, spread out in my “vision” (my eyes were still closed). And, as I came “to” into physical reality, those points of light, each one, merged with a separate object in physical reality. They became the blanket covering me, the bed, the rafters in the ceiling above me, the walls, the curtains, etc.

Messages: loud and clear

That’s when I translated that visual experience into “knowing”. What came to me: I am one with all that surrounds me.

And that’s how I know what I know.

It is said, physical life experience offers the best teaching moments. Far better than words from someone, personal experience offers lessons so visceral, the meaning sinks in deep.

I’ve had innumerable such experiences, and from those, I speak with clients, sharing my knowing so that they can put what I know to the test, then experience in their life, their versions of what I experience. Then they know as I do.

I speak from personal experience in knowing, wanting to know more and therefore discovering secrets of the Universe. But I’m not special. Anyone can do this. You can too. Obviously, I can help.

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How Lesbian Trans Women Best Meet Great Matches

Photo by We-Vibe Toys on Unsplash

Editor’s note: this post comes in two parts. The second part follows next week.

Good news: Transgender men and cis women now write us asking for advice on creating dating success. We always knew this would happen. The Transamorous Network exists to assist the entire transgender community. That always included transgender men.

It also includes anyone who feels attracted to transgender people. And of course, it includes transgender women who are lesbian.

Today, we’re offering this post addressing the latter group. Specifically, we’re responding to the following comment we recently got via our contact page:

My problem with all of this is: what about transgender women who are not attracted to men? I am one of those. Yes, I have had bisexual encounters in the past, but that was purely to satisfy a sexual desire at the time.

I honestly have never felt any attraction towards men, hence if I’m thinking about a committed relationship, I would love to hear how and where a transgender female can meet someone that is potentially interested in her. I find it a very tricky topic: going to a typical lesbian venue could easily lead to having difficulties because of being a trans person. And that seriously limits the options to meet someone. I genuinly have not been able to think of a solution for this challenge. So, I would love to see an article on it!

To start, we’re going to burst a bubble. Don’t worry, it’s a good thing. Ready?

Lesbian dating isn’t unique

Some people think their status, whatever it is, makes them unique. Recently on Medium.com, we got a disparaging comment attempting to chastise us for offering advice to the transgender community when The Transamorous Network founder, who is non-binary and prefers “they/them” pronouns, themselves aren’t trans.

Our response to that person is the same response we offer everyone. The “trans” experience is not special. Nor is it unique. Like any other experience people experience, the transgender experience is a HUMAN experience. The same holds for transgender women who know themselves to be lesbian.

And, since the human experience fits in with the way the Universe works, the best, most fun way for transgender women who love women to meet their matches coincides with the way transgender heterosexual women and trans-attracted men meet their matches.

Said differently: transgender lesbian humans and their experiences are highly susceptible to stories such people tell about their experiences. In fact, it is ONLY their stories influencing their experiences.

Now some might respond with the worn out trope about blaming victims. Pessimistic people will say women who get raped aren’t creating that reality. They’ll jump to such examples while not thinking about what they’re saying.

As hard as it might be to hear, people experience rape the same way people who get what they want experience that. Were that false, if any exception existed to what we offer as “Universal Laws”, these “laws” couldn’t be called “laws”.

It doesn’t matter what you are. You can have everything you want. But you first must become a match. Living a transgender experience combined with a lesbian experience makes it no more difficult.

Extraordinary opportunity

What so many miss when they get caught up in the false “rape/victim blame scenario”, is the ENORMOUS power and ability available in the statement “stories create reality.”

If “stories create reality” is true (it is), then NOTHING IS OFF THE TABLE. Everything is possible. Everything! Not only is everything possible, everything possible (that’s everything) can happen with no effort on anyone’s part.

So not only can everyone get ANYTHING they want, they can get it super EASY.

This means a transgender lesbian meeting her perfect match is super easy. All she need do is figure out how “stories create reality”, then implement that how.

Our clients get this. That’s why their lives excite them. And, the more evidence they create proving to them “stories create reality”, the more excited they get.

Their excitement comes accompanied by happiness. After all, how can you not be happy when you see everything you want, and then some, happening?

So smart people who hear “stories create reality” immediately see this extraordinary opportunity. The opportunity to create and have anything they want. Instead of jumping to the “rape/victim blaming scenario”, smart people will say “tell me how this works!”

There’s no reason a transgender person’s experience shouldn’t be filled with self-fulfilling desires. And, those desires can happen easy, making life equally easy.

How stories create mis-matches

Let’s just accept for now that “stories create reality”, whether you believe that or not. From that accurate assertion then, let’s examine the comment we got through our website. You’ll see how the commenter’s stories create the reality she experiences as described in the comment. Here it is again. No scrolling up required:

My problem with all of this is: what about transgender women who are not attracted to men? I am one of those. Yes, I have had bisexual encounters in the past, but that was purely to satisfy a sexual desire at the time.

I honestly have never felt any attraction towards men, hence if I’m thinking about a committed relationship, I would love to hear how and where a transgender female can meet someone that is potentially interested in her. I find it a very tricky topic: going to a typical lesbian venue could easily lead to having difficulties because of being a trans person. And that seriously limits the options to meet someone. I genuinly have not been able to think of a solution for this challenge. So, I would love to see an article on it!

The first story the writer offers is that “there is a problem”.

If a person thinks a problem exists, they need an answer. The problem with finding the answer is, if one keeps looking at the problem, they can’t get the answer. That’s why it’s so hard to find something that’s lost.

So long as our friend here looks at her problem “finding out how to meet a woman she can love”, for example, she is not open to the solution. So it won’t come.

That’s the first story she must soothe.

How does she do that?

Create better stories

She makes up any number of stories that turn “the problem” into something else. Any of these will work:

  • Lots of times in the past I discovered an answer about X. I can do that again.
  • I don’t have to know the answer to get the answer
  • I’m eager to see how I will meet my wonderful match
  • I don’t need to be in a hurry about this
  • I have plenty of time to figure this out
  • More challenging things have worked out in my life than this

These new stories can soothe the “problem story” our friend keeps telling into irrelevance.

The old saw “what you resist persists” is true. So does “what you look at continues to be”. If our friend doesn’t like that she can’t find a female lover, she must stop looking at the fact that she doesn’t have one and can’t find one. Sounds crazy, but that’s only because people don’t understand why this works.

The key to coming up with better feeling stories is new stories that make the story teller feel better. That means the ability to feel is extremely important.

In part two, we’ll continue looking at stories this woman tells that keeps her not having what she wants. Then recommend how she can get exactly what she wants.

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Exclusive: How A Full, Happy, Client Session Looks

I’m overjoyed sharing this video and appreciate deeply my client’s willingness to share it with you too.

It’s deeply touching watching what happens in this, unfiltered, full, lightly edited recording. I knew when we had it, it offered extraordinary insight into how telling better-feeling stories works.

As my client gets near the end of the session, you can see how deeply his new stories transformed his perspective.

A session anatomy

The client came to the session after spending the week in disempowering stories. As such, he characterized the week as negative, sharing only those experiences he had access to – those matching his lower level stories – as “proof” substantiating his experience.

This offered a wonderful opportunity. We practiced shifting his stories. As he told increasingly better-feeling stories, positive experiences he had during the same week, ones he didn’t mention, returned to his memory. That’s because as he improved his stories, he resonated to those instead of more negative experiences with which he originally perceived through his matching, negative stories. In doing so his mood changed completely.

This session illustrates so many powerful insights, the most important being: Telling stories that feel good creates better life experiences.

It’s simple. Tell positive stories, get what you want.

What reality resonates?

The reality one experiences is the one with which they resonate. Life’s harmonics will draw to a person, experiences from the infinite matching that person’s stories or beliefs. He can access no other realities, even though they’re just as real. One’s experience therefore rests completely with what stories he tells. This includes relationship experiences, as well as who shows up in one’s life.

So if you want someone to love, but keep meeting toads or skeezers, the remedy isn’t on a dating site. It’s not in finding a different person. Your remedy lies in your stories.

Every reality exists simultaneously. By shifting one’s stories, through simple declarative statements, one finds oneself realizing totally different versions of the exact same reality they experience. Only details change because the better-feeling stories draw details matching them.

I love this work. I love showing people how to change their stories so they end up on track to everything they want.

But what fulfills me most is the jubilance I feel when I see significant positive shifts in people’s being. This happens in the video at 00:35:39. Especially when they see it too. That’s the payoff. That and the client realizing their life changed for the better, of course.

We’re all eternal. Getting what you want can happen all day every day. They’re sign posts along a never ending path of personal fulfillment and joy. Life’s purpose therefore doesn’t rest in getting what you want, although getting that really is fun.

Life’s purpose fulfills itself in wonderful, delicious, rambunctious feelings birthed from knowing you’re at the center of the Universe. You’re eternal, getting exactly what you create. Nothing beats that, as my client here shows.

Enjoy.