How To Get Your Ideal Trans Partner In Bed

Photo by Emiliano Vittoriosi

The easiest, most fun way to find yourself in a rewarding relationship with your ideal transgender partner is by becoming a match to your ideal. You do that by telling positive stories about life.

Speaking practically, telling positive stories creates positive life experiences. Consistent positive story telling creates momentum. Momentum held long enough, will draw your ideal partner right into your bed, guaranteed.

Simple experiments prove this. One need not understand or believe metaphysical or spiritual explanations for why this happens.

Think about it: if you want that beautiful, smart, confident, strong, capable courageous, proud and powerful transgender woman, and you are not beautiful, smart, confident, strong, capable courageous, proud and powerful, you’re not a match to what you want. You get what you think about, what you “be” about, i.e. what you tell stories about.

The stories you tell become who you are. From there, your life experience literally erupts from you, creating experience, people and events matching your stories. Everyone does this all day every day. Most don’t realize they’re doing it.

Why does life work this way?

Positive stories cause human senses to filter out anything not perceived positive. Again: our senses filter experience all day every day, allowing only experiences consistent with our persistent stories. Many transgender women, on balance, are fairly negative, so their life experiences match that.

Same with trans-attracted men’s stories about themselves, about life, probably and about transgender women. If one’s beliefs about trans women aren’t consistent with the trans woman one wants, guess what kind of trans woman one meets? If ones stories about themselves aren’t empowering, inspiring, positive and joyful, one gives off “vibes” consistent with disempowering, uninspiring, negative stories. It’s simple.

You may ask: What about people who seem positive? Why do they have seeming random negative events happen? Someone once told me a story of a trans woman they believed was always positive. She even practiced “the power of positive thinking”. Yet, someone murdered this trans woman.

The thing about creating reality is, one best knows what reality they’re creating in two ways: how they feel, and what shows up in their reality. It’s near impossible to tell what another has in their collection of stories by watching how they behave, or what they say. It’s much better watching how their life goes.

A lot of people who appear positive and happy, are not. They are insecure, lonely, they feel vulnerable, afraid and judged. Many seemingly successful and happy people exemplified this. Robin Williams, Freddie Prinze, Anthony Bourdain, Margaux Hemingway, Daniel Lee Martin, Philip Seymour Hoffman and many others struggled with pain and depression, finally taking their own lives when they appeared on the surface as “successful”.

So people usually have both positive and negative stories going on in their heads at the same time. Their lives include events exemplifying both.

Random negative experiences, such as getting robbed or raped, hit by a bus, or assaulted for being trans aren’t random. They come from long-term focus on negative stories or mixed stories with a negative ones outweighing positive ones.

The benefit of emotions

Often people can’t hear stories they’re telling. That’s why humans come equipped with emotions. Negative stories feel like “fear”, “insecurity”, “worry” or “victimhood”. Told often enough such stories become the person.

From the person then erupts experiences, people and events consistent with stories they’ve become. That’s why people get robbed, raped, hit by a bus or assaulted for being trans.

The same things happen for shame-filled trans-attracted men. Their negative stories about their attraction matches them to trans women who share similar (although not identical) stories. In other words, such men meet trans women who are not beautiful, smart, confident, strong, capable courageous, proud and powerful.

Often such feelings get past one’s perception because one focuses too much on what’s happening outside their head. Focus works best when it predominantly focuses on what’s happening inside one’s head first, since everything happening outside one’s head springs from what happens inside one’s head.

Negativity owes itself to positivity

Very few people chronically tell positive stories. There are many people, and a lot of trans women telling negative stories though. Everyone’s life matches their stories.

But even negative story tellers from time to time experience positive experiences. They do because a little positivity overwhelms tons of negativity. It does because negative “energy” isn’t an energy. Negative “energy” is what happens when positive energy gets diminished.

In other words, negative “energy” owes its existence to its relativity to positive energy. It has no substance, no independent existence of its own. It is defined by a lack of positivity.

What’s more, a chronically negative person still is, at the core, pure positive energy. That energy, no matter how obscured it may be by negative focus, still can overcome its overshadowed state when the negative-focused person drops their guard.

When he’s not paying attention, asleep or doing something “mindless” such as driving a car, taking a shower or experiencing something fun, positive focus’ power eeks through. That’s why a negative person can sometimes experience positive experiences.

Positive benefits feel fun

When I’m positive and excited by my positive stories, when I’m enthusiastic and eager about what I’m up to (or planning), I open up. I’m open to possibility, I see things consistently negative people can’t.

The world is full of delights.

Staying positive I produce results easily and fast. More important, on the way to those outcomes, I enjoy life more. That means life experience becomes more entertaining, more fun, more positive.

“Happy accidents”, what some people call “luck”, happen often for people telling positive stories. It’s not luck, but who cares what it’s called? Through such events problems solve themselves faster compared to focusing on the problem, trying to find a solution or trying to make a solution work.

When negative, one sees more negativity. Such focus turns things into “impossible problems.” When someone filters life through negative stories, the sheer enormity of bad things in the world overwhelms awareness. Every Transamorous guy becomes a “tranny chaser”. Every trans woman is a potential victim, every trans woman a guy meets ends up being a skeezer, working girl or gold digger.

A lot of people stand in such negative stories. Yet no such experiences need happen to anyone.

That’s incredibly naive

Someone reading this may not believe a bit of it. The majority of people believe negative situations described above are just natural parts of being trans-attracted, transgender or human.

I know, and my clients know, this is NOT NATURAL. Anyone well-practiced in telling positive stories discovers this.

A Positively Focused person knows her life experience springs ongoingly from her, not others. So she focuses on the one thing that really matters: her focus, not what others say, do or believe. Which is why my clients sometimes find their old friends getting on their nerves. My clients become so positive and their old friends’ chronic negativity so obvious, they become like oil and water: intolerable of each other.

Here’s the critical thing about being negative: It’s very hard to turn that train around. A life-long “realistic”, pessimistic or negative person may feel right about the world they experience. And they will be right.

They’ll be right because life experience springs from their stories. That doesn’t mean an alternative experience, one in which all desires fulfill themselves, including desire to have their ideal partner in their bed, doesn’t exist.

Momentum is momentum though. It takes a lot of work initially reversing negative-focus momentum. Since lives full of fulfilled desires are possible for everyone, that work pales in comparison to benefits derived, making the effort worth it.

Desires fulfilling themselves. It’s a life available to anyone, because everyone at their core is positively focused. It’s worth it. It’s fun and it’s everyone’s birthright. Even for trans and trans-attracted people.

Not living one’s birthright, in my opinion, is living. But just barely. Wanting that ideal woman in your bed is no fun if all you have is an empty bed.

But your bed doesn’t have to be empty.

Trans Attraction Is Shameless

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Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash

There’s no shame in trans attraction until someone who is trans attracted believes their trans attraction is wrong.

Think about that. When a person feels attracted to a trans woman, there’s just the attraction…at first. But then thoughts come “seemingly out of nowhere”.

These thoughts get thought all the time by friends, loved ones, society in general, and one’s coworkers. So much so the trans attracted person starts thinking them too, well before meeting a trans person.

I sure did.

These thoughts get thought so often, they become beliefs: societal beliefs, cultural beliefs, “stereotypes”, memes, jokes…

These beliefs activate sometimes when a man feels attracted to a trans woman. No one deserves blame for such beliefs. It doesn’t matter who started them, or where they came from. When they activate they are “what is” for the person having them. They are his truth.

A million “truths” exist for every topic though, so just because a man activates a belief in him doesn’t make that belief “true”. Unless the man believes it is true. When he does, when he believes the belief, then shame shows up.

Shame tells a person the thought just thought isn’t true. My clients learn this pretty early in their sessions. But understanding how emotions like shame work takes time. Why does it take time? Because people aren’t clear about why they have emotions.

Once my clients relearn this, they find they can create any reality they want, including a reality where they live their trans attraction proudly. First though old beliefs must go away.

When that happens, fulfilling relationships are foregone conclusions.

Something else happens though when shame and embarrassment, triggered by beliefs or stories, disappear: a new set of beliefs show up, beliefs like this:

  • I see how I was “that guy” treating trans women like objects
  • I see how my behavior probably caused trans woman to feel fetishized
  • I get how I contributed to the “chaser” story

Then new thoughts show up:

  • I want to be more supportive of trans women
  • I want to do my part be an ally
  • I want to share who I am so other guys gain confidence too

When thoughts like that show up, I know my client made progress in their own journey towards transamory. When that happens the trans community (and the world) is better off because of it.

Being Transamorous And Loving Life

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Photo: Aiden Roof

“This stuff makes no sense,” A transgender client said. “It totally illogical. How do you know this stuff works?”

This client’s frustrated outburst is part of the path. In only six weeks their relationship transformed, they’re feeling more comfortable in their skin, feeling happier and more excited about life. They’re now pursuing dreams of becoming a well-paid musician by taking practical steps in that direction. Their life: better, their mood: more positive, their experience of life experience: more fun.

Why did such a question come up despite all this evidence?

In a word: momentum.

For a while it is a roller coaster

When clients first start working with The Transamorous Network, they get excited. They see evidence of their life getting better everywhere. The more they alter their stories and perspectives, the more evidence they see.

At some point though, old stories reassert themselves. These old stories are living things, like everything else. They enjoy life energy they get when a person focuses their way. When a person stops focusing on old stories, they sort of push back. They don’t want to lose attention they once got.

When they push back, clients feel the negative emotion that comes with that. Momentum ensues and, before you know it, they forget evidence they created that excited them just days ago.

This is normal. It’s also why it helps having someone who’s walked the path and knows what to expect. That’s where I come in.

How do I know all this stuff works?

I know this stuff works because it’s working in my life. I know it works because my desires are coming true all around me. I know this stuff works because I feel excited about this work, I feel excited about life, about living, about trans women dipping in and out of my life. I’m excited because life feels so freaking great…and that’s because of this work.

In their frustration, this client couldn’t understand how I have insight to All That Is. They couldn’t understand how I speak so confidently about how the Universe works, how it’s designed by us to deliver all we want, and that life is supposed to be a positive adventure. They couldn’t understand how I could know something “limited human consciousness can’t possibly know.”

I told him the reason they can’t understand it is because they’re not yet where I am. I told them human consciousness is only limited when the human believes their consciousness is limited. The reason why I speak with such confidence, I told them, is because I’ve changed my stories, and my reality broadened to include awareness of the nonphysical world.

I have a third degree black belt in nine different martial arts. It took me about five years to get to that level. I once trained others in these schools. When I did, I spoke with the same clarity and confidence about that material as I do about “stories create your reality and here’s how.”

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My “Menkyo” certifying my 3 black belts in 9 martial arts schools.

In the martial arts field, what separates my opinion from an opinion of a white belt, someone who is just starting or someone who has now experience at all? Experience, practice, knowledge and wisdom that comes from five years of personal experience with the material, with guidance from a 15 degree blackbelt who’s been training in this material over 35 years.

The same is true with this work. While others focus their attention on perhaps finding love, raising families, building careers, wealth and material satisfaction, I’ve focused my attention on epistemology and ontology using empirical methods applied across a wide variety of “spiritual” fields. I’ve been doing this at least since I was six.

Walking the path makes me an expert

So I am clear. I speak with confidence and clarity in this field in the same way I do in martial arts: I know because I’ve walked this path so long, I just know it.

The cool thing is, anyone can do what I do. With diligence and focus, anyone can have a life they love filled with everything they want and then show others how to get that. It doesn’t matter if you’re transgender or trans-attracted. Life is meant to be lived happily. Do that and you’ll have a happy life. The question is, how do you “do that”?

That’s what I know and what I show my clients.

By the end of our time together, this client was back in their usual happy space born from doing the work for 12 weeks. They thanked me as my clients usually do: by telling me they love me.

I understand who and what people are. I relate to them from there. When I do, they feel that. When they feel that, they can’t help but express love for me. I’m loving them after all.

Frustration: that’s part of the path at first. Because I know this, I don’t let doubts about my credibility shake my confidence. I do the work, which is why I know what I know. And that’s why I can help people create lives they love.

 

 

I See Greatness Every Time I Poop

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Photo by visuals on Unsplash

Mirrors are amazing things.  We take their symbolic awesomeness for granted.  Every day, we stand in front of our bathroom mirrors and miss the greatness they’re showing us.

In some cultures, mirrors are spiritual icons.  They’re featured prominently in legends of all kinds.  In Japan, for example, the mirror holds a prominent place in many household shrines.  A mirror was one of three sacred objects given to Japan’s first emperor by the Sun Goddess Amaterasu’s grandson.  Mirrors in ancient Japan represented truth because they reflected only what stood before them.  They were a source of much mystique and reverence (being uncommon items) in that time.  Today in Japan they symbolize wisdom.

I used to not make that connection when I visit my bathroom mirror. Not any more. After doing my business and washing my hands, I look in the mirror and see the center of the universe, the creator, looking back at me. I know through my stories I create the world I want to live in.

When you look in your mirror, what does it tell you?  Does it remind you of your flaws, things about you that must be covered up or altered before you can comfortably greet the day?

Or does it remind you that you are the only one creating your life experience day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month, year-by-year into your glorious life experience?  Is your mirror encounter positive or negative? What stories does it reflect back at you?

Mirrors can inspire your best. Or they can evoke stories about yourself that trigger shame, embarrassment, fear, insecurity.  I wonder how many tell stories while standing in front of their bathroom sink which conjure the latter.

Telling stories that have us feel small and insignificant and fearful about ourselves is what makes us look outside ourselves, expecting others to come up with answers we need to feel good about ourselves, when all along, the answers lie in our stories, not theirs.

Trans attraction is an adventure

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Photo by mwangi gatheca on Unsplash

I spoke with a man this weekend in the early stages of the trans attraction–transamory journey. At his wits end, he contacted me hoping he’d get relief.

He didn’t get any. Instead, he got clarity about what lies ahead: an awesome adventure.

Steven (not his real name) wrote me the following email:

“I think I may be a tranny chaser because I fantasize about them. I have only told a few ppl about this and I don’t want to keep it a secret from people. Although I don’t know if I want a relationship with a trans woman. Can you help me?”

When talked on Skype, Steve was tied in knots.  He hoped other people’s opinions might help ease anxiety, fear and insecurity he felt. But when he asked others’ their opinion he got more anxiety, fear and insecurity.

Rationalizing heterosexuality

Steve started watching porn when he was 16. Now in his mid twenties, he recently found trans porn transfixing.

“Something about women with penises I find attractive,” he said. Steve only watches trans porn featuring trans women masturbating. I asked if he imagined being the woman.

“No,” he said.

Porn can introduce a man to his trans attraction. It’s not the only way men do it though. Some find their attraction meeting a trans woman for the first time. Some find it through bars or sex workers. Porn is common though.

The more Steve watched porn, the more Steve found trans women alluring. They compelled his attention so much he felt near addicted to it. When not watching, Steve thinks about trans women all the time, he said. One day he figured he should try “experiencing” a trans woman, but the thought scared him.

Steve considers himself heterosexual. His arousal for trans women threatens this label though, and, like many trans attracted men, that real perceived threat causes fear and anxiety.

“How could I be heterosexual and like this kind of stuff?” he asked in resistance to his trans attraction.

I asked, “Why do you feel fear? What would happen if you explore this that scares you?”

The crux of many men’s fears about discovering their natural attraction to transgender women lies in Steve’s answer. Men worry about what others are going to think about them. So they feel insecurity, fear, anxiety and uncertainty in their budding trans-attraction.

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The crux of many men’s fears about discovering their natural attraction to transgender women lies in his answer. Men worry about what others are going to think about them. So they feel insecurity, fear, anxiety and uncertainty in their budding trans-attraction. Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Focus on that too long and these men get taken over by their fear-producing thoughts or stories. They can’t stop thinking about these scenarios. Insecurity grows so big, they think their stories are happening against their will.

The only thing happening though is momentum. Repeatedly telling their fear-filled stories, these men give more life force to such stories. They’ve told such stories (entertained such thoughts) so often, those stories themselves become alive. If men continue telling these stories, they will become their reality. The negative emotions these men feel indicate they want something different than the reality that’s coming.

It’s not that they want to not be trans attracted though. It’s that they want to feel strong, confident and certain in their trans attraction. But their fears block that clarity.

Steve was no different. He said his thoughts about trans women and the anxiety he felt returned to his mind unbidden, at all times, throughout the day. He worried something was wrong.

“I worry what others might say and think about me, too” He said. Then he quickly added: “I want a woman and want to raise children”.

I know this common excuse used to deny one’s trans attraction. Wanting a family masks illogical conclusions drawn from fear and insecurity. I pointed this out by sharing two scenarios with Steve, one in which he’s married to a cis-woman, who, down the line somehow loses her child-bearing ability.

“What would you do in this situation?” I asked.

“We could adopt, or get a surrogate,” Steve said. I nodded.

Then I told the other scenario, one where he and a trans woman are together and both want a family, but the woman has a penis. I asked the same question. Steve got the point.

But here’s the strange thing about some men, including Steve. Men will sometimes turn to the very same people they fear rejection from, for advice. That’s exactly what Steve did. He asked relatives, friends, girlfriends.

Not surprisingly many of those people said Steve should avoid these thoughts and this interest. Steve’s reality already started matching his fears. Standing in insecurity, fear and self-shame, he got advice matching his worries.

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Not surprisingly many of those people said Steve should avoid these thoughts and this interest. Steve’s reality already started matching his fears. Standing in insecurity, fear and self-shame, he got advice matching his worries. Photo by Velizar Ivanov on Unsplash

Trans attraction runs deep. It’s not something one can ignore once it gets triggered. I don’t recommend trans attracted men seek answers from other people, especially when first discovering their trans attraction. Everyone creates their reality through storytelling. So stories conjuring fear, anxiety and insecurity are bound to create people and experiences reflecting those negative emotions.

When a trans attracted man seeks advice from others while feeling insecure or shame, they’re going to get advice that’s not helpful. They’ll get unhelpful reactions too. For the people they’ll ask will be people matching the fear and insecurity the man feels.

Same goes for trans women, by the way. Which is why a trans woman who is insecure  will usually meet equally insecure men. There are no “tranny chasers”. There are insecure trans women projecting their insecurities which create realities wherein they meet insecure men, i.e. perfect matches.

If it feels good, it’s right

Instead of looking for advice in others, it’s better to nurture one’s inner wisdom, then rely on that for guidance. Living life from here changes life experience too. There are a lot of insecure people walking around. Trans attracted men do better when they rely on their own inner guidance direction. But first, they must nurture that connection.

All these insecure people are looking to other insecure people for their answers not knowing the only real answers are within. Why on earth do we seek answers from fellow humans, many of whom are insecure at one level or another, when we all have secure, confident, clear inner selves guiding us all the time, if we’d only take time to nurture that connection then listen?

That’s what I told Steve. I suggested he look to himself for his answers because he knows better than anyone else what’s right for him.

“What feels good is right,” I said. “Follow that. Your trans attraction feels good. It’s your negative stories that feel bad. Follow what feels good and see where it leads you.”

Steve let out a heavy sigh. I asked what that was. He said he wasn’t ready for the “heaviness” of what he knew he had to do. I agreed with that. He looked like the weight of the world sat on his shoulders. I told him it wouldn’t stay that way.

For Steve and all trans attracted men: Trans attraction is an adventure. It’s part of the bigger adventure called life. You came to explore all your life offers. In that exploration you become more authentic in you and help others do the same.

Trans attraction can be a path of perpetual delight, but if you’re looking to others for their opinions about what and who you are and what you should do, you’re just making that adventure harder than it needs to be.