Emotions - The Transamorous Network

December 8, 2020November 26, 2020

How To Stop Ruining The Holidays

Photo by David Everett Strickler on Unsplash

Editor’s note: The holidays suck for many trans people, especially those estranged from families. We’re sharing this Positively Focused holiday post because it can inspire those struggling during the holidays to transform old stories into new ones and create whole new relationships with the holidays.

The holidays used to suck. My emotional pain so grated on me that I forswore holiday celebrations of all kinds once on my own.

That was before attaining enlightenment.

Now, I recognize I create my reality. Since the past is just another reality, I also re-create my past. That’s what happened this holiday season.

I’m sharing this for the many people who, like me, struggle with holidays. I know now “struggle” is optional. No matter how bad I used to feel, this year, I’m having the best Thanksgiving ever, in large part thanks to my house mate, who I’ll call Kimberly.

I’m going to relate how I transformed my holiday experience while interspersing some theory. If you want to know how all this works as a cohesive living approach I call Positively Focused, please visit my website. There you can schedule a free 30-minute 1:1 in which I’ll answer any questions at no cost to you.

How I transformed the Thanksgiving holiday in less than 15 minutes.

My house mate Kimberly is a manifestation I created after a wonderful ordeal involving previous house mates. In January I’ll tell that story.

Kimberly’s arrival fulfilled many desires. I know though that all fulfilled desires contain within them seeds for more consciousness expansion. That usually looks like “negative” experiences, although they aren’t that. Indeed, what happened Thanksgiving morning was perfect.

Excitement filled our little home the night before. We bought an enormous turkey, planned several decadent side dishes and even went in together on a new projector to watch Killing Eve and Uncle Frank, Amazon’s new feel-good holiday movie.

Settled in for the night, we anticipated a wonderful morning cooking food, listening to music and generally enjoying time together.

That’s not what happened, at first

I’m an early riser. Kimberly usually wakes later. I got up eager for our culinary adventure. But as I got things ready, I noticed she had made a bag of popcorn late last night. That meant, I realized, that she might not get up early enough.

Little did I know she had planned on joining me. She even set an alarm. But something went wrong. Little did I know how “going wrong” presents enormous gifts.

For hours I relished the morning, preparing our dishes. As turkey dressing time neared though, Kimberly’s absence loomed large. Where was she?

*My veggie medley and the au gratin all ready to eat. Ignore the sponge on the range 😂*

It was a passing thought at first. Then it turned into worry. Then it turned into resentment. Kimberly wasn’t meeting my expectations, expectations I thought we shared.

That’s not her purpose though

Kimberly need not meet my expectations. No one lives to meet my expectations. When I got that a while ago, I mostly stopped resenting people when they did their own thing.

Everyone comes into reality pursuing their fulfillment, whatever that looks like. The paradox is, when a person shows up in my reality, pursuing their fulfillment, I know now they aren’t real, objective people. Instead, they reflect back to me beliefs I hold in my Belief Constellation even while they pursue individual self-fulfillment.

Other people (as well as everything else in my reality) are physicalized versions of beliefs active in me. I tested this over several years. Improving my beliefs always changed people’s behavior, especially the way they treated me.

Today, people in my life are angels. They show me active beliefs in my Moment of Becoming on their way to becoming my tangible reality. Realities I want I welcome. Realities I don’t want I know I can do something about.

Here’s what that looks like

I knew from years of Positively Focused practice that resentment and worry had nothing to do with Kimberly. Instead they indicated beliefs active that drew into my now, an experience I preferred not having.

Realizing that I did something about it. First, I looked inside to see what thoughts/beliefs I activated. After all, I had enjoyed, up to that moment, being in the kitchen by myself, making all this food my way, without having to compromise anything about what I was doing. It was fun!

My exploration showed old beliefs I created as a kid active in my now. They were about my parents, my family and holidays with them. That’s when Kimberly offered an amazing opportunity. I could clean up those old beliefs and, simultaneously, clean up how I experienced my now, create better future experiences and transform the past too!

Once I got that I stopped preparing meals. I went to my room, set a 15 minute timer, then went into deliberate focus. In that focus I realized/remembered the following:

Kimberly is a manifestation. She is not real.
Kimberly is a manifestation of my entire Belief Constellation embodied in an apparition in my evolving now consciousness.
As such, constructively using realizations represents allows stronger connections with my Personal Trinity. Reacting any other way creates unwanted futures.
Kimberly’s choices are hers and those acts aren’t about me. But make them about me when I interpret them as such!

Such a wonderful gift.

Circumstances in life do this all day every day. People, objects, experiences all are physical representations of my ongoing beliefs.

For better or worse, most people don’t know this, so they interact with their reality as though it is separate, an objective reality apart from who they are, what they are and what they’re believing.

Even among those who know physical reality is a mirror of one’s internal reality, few know what to do with that information.

Those who don’t know struggle with all kinds of mental and emotional traumas, with few remedies other than iffy mental health therapies which often stretch over years and produce scant lasting results.

Rather than taking these wonderful gifts evidenced in people, places, objects and events, for granted, humans can use them for personal transformation. Done diligently, such transformation also transforms ordinary life into the Charmed Life I share with my clients.

Seeing Kimberly as a transformational opportunity also let’s her off the hook. She can be how she’s being and in the absence of me making her wrong, she becomes the angel she is, but only when I see her from my Inner Being perspective, my Broader Perspective which sees everything in reality as blessed, perfectly unfolding and beneficial to all the Universe.

Creating awesome from ordinary

The moment I tuned into my Inner Being, the discomfort, angst and resentment lifted. It was crazy how fast and complete it was! One moment it was there, the next POOF! Totally abscent.

What flowed in its place were thoughts about how wonderful this experience turned out to be, how good realizing that felt, and how remarkable I was as a deliberate creator creating this experience. I felt compelled to voice these thoughts:

Wow, I feel much better.
This is so much better than how I felt before.
Those old beliefs soothed in my awareness placed on more empowering thoughts.
I am having a good time creating a new reality with just my awareness.
I get that my reality is my creation, including other people in my reality.

Then I started thinking about the meal I’m preparing:

This meal is going to be really good!
The au gratin smells delicious!
So do the roasted veggies!
The stuffing is going to be good too!

Then came the extraordinary convergence of reality matching my new perspective: At that exact point in time, Kimberly came bounding down the stairs. I heard her walk into the kitchen from inside my basement space. Then she sent me a text:

Trippy! The very moment I tuned into these better-feeling thoughts, my experience of Kimberly shifted. A new reality showed up including a different Kimberly!

Nevertheless I wanted to amplify how good I felt. It felt so good. These thoughts flowed next…

That’s so cool what just happened.
I shifted my reality!
And my apparitions shifted too.
What I’m discovering is so accurate.
I love my Inner Being relationship!

I felt waaaay better by now.

In that moment I returned to my original bliss. I realized too my old beliefs transformed as well: I see them now as having created experiences long ago that, I was destined to shift, in my now, my current Thanksgiving; and in doing so transforming my past holiday experiences, my present one and all future ones.

I have wonderful new memories about the holidays. Memories made more powerful because they sprung from enlightened consciousness. I know thoughts born from enlightened consciousness are far more powerful than those born out of it.

I also now know that I’ve transformed past, present and future in one fell swoop. I know it because I feel it.

What does it feel like? It feels like Joyful invincibility.

December 1, 2020November 3, 2020

How To Get Your Ideal Trans Partner In Bed

The easiest, most fun way to find yourself in a rewarding relationship with your ideal transgender partner is by becoming a match to your ideal. You do that by telling positive stories about life.

Speaking practically, telling positive stories creates positive life experiences. Consistent positive story telling creates momentum. Momentum held long enough, will draw your ideal partner right into your bed, guaranteed.

Simple experiments prove this. One need not understand or believe metaphysical or spiritual explanations for why this happens.

Think about it: if you want that beautiful, smart, confident, strong, capable courageous, proud and powerful transgender woman, and you are not beautiful, smart, confident, strong, capable courageous, proud and powerful, you’re not a match to what you want. You get what you think about, what you “be” about, i.e. what you tell stories about.

The stories you tell become who you are. From there, your life experience literally erupts from you, creating experience, people and events matching your stories. Everyone does this all day every day. Most don’t realize they’re doing it.

Why does life work this way?

Positive stories cause human senses to filter out anything not perceived positive. Again: our senses filter experience all day every day, allowing only experiences consistent with our persistent stories. Many transgender women, on balance, are fairly negative, so their life experiences match that.

Same with trans-attracted men’s stories about themselves, about life, probably and about transgender women. If one’s beliefs about trans women aren’t consistent with the trans woman one wants, guess what kind of trans woman one meets? If ones stories about themselves aren’t empowering, inspiring, positive and joyful, one gives off “vibes” consistent with disempowering, uninspiring, negative stories. It’s simple.

You may ask: What about people who seem positive? Why do they have seeming random negative events happen? Someone once told me a story of a trans woman they believed was always positive. She even practiced “the power of positive thinking”. Yet, someone murdered this trans woman.

The thing about creating reality is, one best knows what reality they’re creating in two ways: how they feel, and what shows up in their reality. It’s near impossible to tell what another has in their collection of stories by watching how they behave, or what they say. It’s much better watching how their life goes.

A lot of people who appear positive and happy, are not. They are insecure, lonely, they feel vulnerable, afraid and judged. Many seemingly successful and happy people exemplified this. Robin Williams, Freddie Prinze, Anthony Bourdain, Margaux Hemingway, Daniel Lee Martin, Philip Seymour Hoffman and many others struggled with pain and depression, finally taking their own lives when they appeared on the surface as “successful”.

So people usually have both positive and negative stories going on in their heads at the same time. Their lives include events exemplifying both.

Random negative experiences, such as getting robbed or raped, hit by a bus, or assaulted for being trans aren’t random. They come from long-term focus on negative stories or mixed stories with a negative ones outweighing positive ones.

The benefit of emotions

Often people can’t hear stories they’re telling. That’s why humans come equipped with emotions. Negative stories feel like “fear”, “insecurity”, “worry” or “victimhood”. Told often enough such stories become the person.

From the person then erupts experiences, people and events consistent with stories they’ve become. That’s why people get robbed, raped, hit by a bus or assaulted for being trans.

The same things happen for shame-filled trans-attracted men. Their negative stories about their attraction matches them to trans women who share similar (although not identical) stories. In other words, such men meet trans women who are not beautiful, smart, confident, strong, capable courageous, proud and powerful.

Often such feelings get past one’s perception because one focuses too much on what’s happening outside their head. Focus works best when it predominantly focuses on what’s happening inside one’s head first, since everything happening outside one’s head springs from what happens inside one’s head.

Negativity owes itself to positivity

Very few people chronically tell positive stories. There are many people, and a lot of trans women telling negative stories though. Everyone’s life matches their stories.

But even negative story tellers from time to time experience positive experiences. They do because a little positivity overwhelms tons of negativity. It does because negative “energy” isn’t an energy. Negative “energy” is what happens when positive energy gets diminished.

In other words, negative “energy” owes its existence to its relativity to positive energy. It has no substance, no independent existence of its own. It is defined by a lack of positivity.

What’s more, a chronically negative person still is, at the core, pure positive energy. That energy, no matter how obscured it may be by negative focus, still can overcome its overshadowed state when the negative-focused person drops their guard.

When he’s not paying attention, asleep or doing something “mindless” such as driving a car, taking a shower or experiencing something fun, positive focus’ power eeks through. That’s why a negative person can sometimes experience positive experiences.

Positive benefits feel fun

When I’m positive and excited by my positive stories, when I’m enthusiastic and eager about what I’m up to (or planning), I open up. I’m open to possibility, I see things consistently negative people can’t.

The world is full of delights.

Staying positive I produce results easily and fast. More important, on the way to those outcomes, I enjoy life more. That means life experience becomes more entertaining, more fun, more positive.

“Happy accidents”, what some people call “luck”, happen often for people telling positive stories. It’s not luck, but who cares what it’s called? Through such events problems solve themselves faster compared to focusing on the problem, trying to find a solution or trying to make a solution work.

When negative, one sees more negativity. Such focus turns things into “impossible problems.” When someone filters life through negative stories, the sheer enormity of bad things in the world overwhelms awareness. Every Transamorous guy becomes a “tranny chaser”. Every trans woman is a potential victim, every trans woman a guy meets ends up being a skeezer, working girl or gold digger.

A lot of people stand in such negative stories. Yet no such experiences need happen to anyone.

That’s incredibly naive

Someone reading this may not believe a bit of it. The majority of people believe negative situations described above are just natural parts of being trans-attracted, transgender or human.

I know, and my clients know, this is NOT NATURAL. Anyone well-practiced in telling positive stories discovers this.

A Positively Focused person knows her life experience springs ongoingly from her, not others. So she focuses on the one thing that really matters: her focus, not what others say, do or believe. Which is why my clients sometimes find their old friends getting on their nerves. My clients become so positive and their old friends’ chronic negativity so obvious, they become like oil and water: intolerable of each other.

Here’s the critical thing about being negative: It’s very hard to turn that train around. A life-long “realistic”, pessimistic or negative person may feel right about the world they experience. And they will be right.

They’ll be right because life experience springs from their stories. That doesn’t mean an alternative experience, one in which all desires fulfill themselves, including desire to have their ideal partner in their bed, doesn’t exist.

Momentum is momentum though. It takes a lot of work initially reversing negative-focus momentum. Since lives full of fulfilled desires are possible for everyone, that work pales in comparison to benefits derived, making the effort worth it.

Desires fulfilling themselves. It’s a life available to anyone, because everyone at their core is positively focused. It’s worth it. It’s fun and it’s everyone’s birthright. Even for trans and trans-attracted people.

Not living one’s birthright, in my opinion, is living. But just barely. Wanting that ideal woman in your bed is no fun if all you have is an empty bed.

But your bed doesn’t have to be empty.

September 15, 2020September 8, 2020

Trans Attraction Is Shameless

Insta_Format 3 — Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash

There’s no shame in trans attraction until someone who is trans attracted believes their trans attraction is wrong.

Think about that. When a person feels attracted to a trans woman, there’s just the attraction…at first. But then thoughts come “seemingly out of nowhere”.

These thoughts get thought all the time by friends, loved ones, society in general, and one’s coworkers. So much so the trans attracted person starts thinking them too, well before meeting a trans person.

I sure did.

These thoughts get thought so often, they become beliefs: societal beliefs, cultural beliefs, “stereotypes”, memes, jokes…

These beliefs activate sometimes when a man feels attracted to a trans woman. No one deserves blame for such beliefs. It doesn’t matter who started them, or where they came from. When they activate they are “what is” for the person having them. They are his truth.

A million “truths” exist for every topic though, so just because a man activates a belief in him doesn’t make that belief “true”. Unless the man believes it is true. When he does, when he believes the belief, then shame shows up.

Shame tells a person the thought just thought isn’t true. My clients learn this pretty early in their sessions. But understanding how emotions like shame work takes time. Why does it take time? Because people aren’t clear about why they have emotions.

Once my clients relearn this, they find they can create any reality they want, including a reality where they live their trans attraction proudly. First though old beliefs must go away.

When that happens, fulfilling relationships are foregone conclusions.

Something else happens though when shame and embarrassment, triggered by beliefs or stories, disappear: a new set of beliefs show up, beliefs like this:

I see how I was “that guy” treating trans women like objects
I see how my behavior probably caused trans woman to feel fetishized
I get how I contributed to the “chaser” story

Then new thoughts show up:

I want to be more supportive of trans women
I want to do my part be an ally
I want to share who I am so other guys gain confidence too

When thoughts like that show up, I know my client made progress in their own journey towards transamory. When that happens the trans community (and the world) is better off because of it.

August 18, 2020August 14, 2020

Being Transamorous And Loving Life

“This stuff makes no sense,” A transgender client said. “It totally illogical. How do you know this stuff works?”

This client’s frustrated outburst is part of the path. In only six weeks their relationship transformed, they’re feeling more comfortable in their skin, feeling happier and more excited about life. They’re now pursuing dreams of becoming a well-paid musician by taking practical steps in that direction. Their life: better, their mood: more positive, their experience of life experience: more fun.

Why did such a question come up despite all this evidence?

In a word: momentum.

For a while it is a roller coaster

When clients first start working with The Transamorous Network, they get excited. They see evidence of their life getting better everywhere. The more they alter their stories and perspectives, the more evidence they see.

At some point though, old stories reassert themselves. These old stories are living things, like everything else. They enjoy life energy they get when a person focuses their way. When a person stops focusing on old stories, they sort of push back. They don’t want to lose attention they once got.

When they push back, clients feel the negative emotion that comes with that. Momentum ensues and, before you know it, they forget evidence they created that excited them just days ago.

This is normal. It’s also why it helps having someone who’s walked the path and knows what to expect. That’s where I come in.

How do I know all this stuff works?

I know this stuff works because it’s working in my life. I know it works because my desires are coming true all around me. I know this stuff works because I feel excited about this work, I feel excited about life, about living, about trans women dipping in and out of my life. I’m excited because life feels so freaking great…and that’s because of this work.

In their frustration, this client couldn’t understand how I have insight to All That Is. They couldn’t understand how I speak so confidently about how the Universe works, how it’s designed by us to deliver all we want, and that life is supposed to be a positive adventure. They couldn’t understand how I could know something “limited human consciousness can’t possibly know.”

I told him the reason they can’t understand it is because they’re not yet where I am. I told them human consciousness is only limited when the human believes their consciousness is limited. The reason why I speak with such confidence, I told them, is because I’ve changed my stories, and my reality broadened to include awareness of the nonphysical world.

I have a third degree black belt in nine different martial arts. It took me about five years to get to that level. I once trained others in these schools. When I did, I spoke with the same clarity and confidence about that material as I do about “stories create your reality and here’s how.”

My “Menkyo” certifying my 3 black belts in 9 martial arts schools.

In the martial arts field, what separates my opinion from an opinion of a white belt, someone who is just starting or someone who has now experience at all? Experience, practice, knowledge and wisdom that comes from five years of personal experience with the material, with guidance from a 15 degree blackbelt who’s been training in this material over 35 years.

The same is true with this work. While others focus their attention on perhaps finding love, raising families, building careers, wealth and material satisfaction, I’ve focused my attention on epistemology and ontology using empirical methods applied across a wide variety of “spiritual” fields. I’ve been doing this at least since I was six.

Walking the path makes me an expert

So I am clear. I speak with confidence and clarity in this field in the same way I do in martial arts: I know because I’ve walked this path so long, I just know it.

The cool thing is, anyone can do what I do. With diligence and focus, anyone can have a life they love filled with everything they want and then show others how to get that. It doesn’t matter if you’re transgender or trans-attracted. Life is meant to be lived happily. Do that and you’ll have a happy life. The question is, how do you “do that”?

That’s what I know and what I show my clients.

By the end of our time together, this client was back in their usual happy space born from doing the work for 12 weeks. They thanked me as my clients usually do: by telling me they love me.

I understand who and what people are. I relate to them from there. When I do, they feel that. When they feel that, they can’t help but express love for me. I’m loving them after all.

Frustration: that’s part of the path at first. Because I know this, I don’t let doubts about my credibility shake my confidence. I do the work, which is why I know what I know. And that’s why I can help people create lives they love.

July 28, 2020

I See Greatness Every Time I Poop

greatness insta — Photo by visuals on Unsplash

Mirrors are amazing things. We take their symbolic awesomeness for granted. Every day, we stand in front of our bathroom mirrors and miss the greatness they’re showing us.

In some cultures, mirrors are spiritual icons. They’re featured prominently in legends of all kinds. In Japan, for example, the mirror holds a prominent place in many household shrines. A mirror was one of three sacred objects given to Japan’s first emperor by the Sun Goddess Amaterasu’s grandson. Mirrors in ancient Japan represented truth because they reflected only what stood before them. They were a source of much mystique and reverence (being uncommon items) in that time. Today in Japan they symbolize wisdom.

I used to not make that connection when I visit my bathroom mirror. Not any more. After doing my business and washing my hands, I look in the mirror and see the center of the universe, the creator, looking back at me. I know through my stories I create the world I want to live in.

When you look in your mirror, what does it tell you? Does it remind you of your flaws, things about you that must be covered up or altered before you can comfortably greet the day?

Or does it remind you that you are the only one creating your life experience day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month, year-by-year into your glorious life experience? Is your mirror encounter positive or negative? What stories does it reflect back at you?

Mirrors can inspire your best. Or they can evoke stories about yourself that trigger shame, embarrassment, fear, insecurity. I wonder how many tell stories while standing in front of their bathroom sink which conjure the latter.

Telling stories that have us feel small and insignificant and fearful about ourselves is what makes us look outside ourselves, expecting others to come up with answers we need to feel good about ourselves, when all along, the answers lie in our stories, not theirs.