When The Honeymoon Ends, Powerful Truths Work Magic

TL;DR: In this post the author explores how a trans-attracted client learns that emotional alignment, not reassurance, determines relationship outcomes, revealing why practicing telling better-feeling stories transforms conflict, stabilizes love, and changes relationships for the better.

Last night, a man left an anonymous comment on one of my The Transamorous Network articles. The gist was: If a man is attracted to a penis, he must be gay. Trans women aren’t real women.

It wasn’t an honest question or a reach for understanding. What it was was the old cultural reflex—a stunted, fear-based assertion from someone absolutely certain they already know everything.

I deleted the message.

I deleted it because I’m not interested in hosting dead-end consciousness in a space meant for expansion, which this blog is absolutely about: expansion.

The irony, of course, is that the very belief expressed in that comment is exactly what causes so many trans-attracted men to deny themselves, hide, sabotage, and settle for relationships that never fit. It also creates trans women who hate themselves and, as a result of that self-hate, project that self-hatred on to trans-attracted men.

And that brings me to “Bob.”

Bob is a Transamorous Network client. He’s a good guy. A sincere guy. He’s also in a relationship that could become the relationship of his life… if he learns what most people never do: That Bob is the common denominator in every relationship he’s ever had.

Learning that opens a doorway to everything everybody wants in relationships. And in everything else.

The Honeymoon Begins

Bob met a trans woman I’ll call “Maria.” When he met her, she was doing sex work. She’s been doing that for a very long time, here in the U.S. and abroad. She also transitioned young.

So yes: Maria carries a lot of negative momentum – disempowering beliefs about many subjects. These subjects include men, relationships, sex, safety, worthiness, power and what love costs. Most of all, however, she holds disempowering beliefs about what she, herself, deserves. In other words, she, like many trans women, and trans-attracted men, has self-worth issues.

And Bob? Bob has his own negative momentum too—years of painful relational patterning with unsavory cis gender partners, repeated betrayals, repeated instability, repeated “here we go again” endings. Bob’s disempowering beliefs drive all of that. And all of that is exactly what drew Bob and Maria together. For Bob and Maria are perfect matches. Just like any two people in any relationship.

So when they met, the honeymoon hit hard. It hit so hard, Bob only saw the perfect in Maria. He saw her beauty, her focus. Bob appreciated the straightforwardness and determination Maria possessed, which was born of her many years of having to fend for herself. He embraced how unusually self-possessed Maria seemed compared to women of his past. Part of his astonishment was Maria is the first trans woman he’s ever met, let alone dated.

So all this swept both Bob and Maria up in a whirlwind nearly everyone finds themselves caught up in during the honeymoon stage of a fresh relationship.

When The Bubble Pops

I knew that stage wouldn’t last and tried to warn Bob what lay beyond that temporary phase so he could get ahead of it. But Bob couldn’t hear me over the din of strong momentum about what he thought was a perfect match. It IS a perfect match. But not in the romantic, almost fairy-tale way Bob perceived it.

But Bob would have nothing other than what he perceived. As a result, in a little over 6 months in, Bob proposed. Then he bought a ring. He promised to financially support Maria so she could stop the sex work. His commitment to Maria was total.

Again, he did all of this while the relationship was still suspended in that intoxicating early bubble—when both people are mostly projecting their highest hopes onto the other person and interpreting everything through the lens of it’s meant to be.

Bob and Maria can have the love they see the potential of. But at least one of them must take matters into their spiritual hands.

That’s precisely when the honeymoon ended. Just as it always does. When the honeymoon ends, what surfaces is not “the truth” about the other person. What surfaces is more illusion, only this time born of dominant negative momentum. It’s our dominant negative momentum of beliefs, born of past experience we interpret negatively. Those negative interpretations dictate how our future life goes, how relationships go and how people we meet show up in our lives.

And since that momentum is negative, we begin seeing those things which confirm our negative beliefs in our current relationship. That is where Bob is now. Maria too. And last night, for the first time in a long time (35 sessions) Bob actually saw the value of what I offer clients.

A Vicious Pattern of Momentum

One of the most destabilizing moments for Bob has been realizing something I’ve been saying for months: Maria hasn’t changed. She hasn’t gone from this perfect, ideal lover and potential wife to something less than that. Not really. What’s changing is Bob’s interpretation of Maria—because his own negative belief momentum is now active enough to hijack his perception. That’s what happens when “the honeymoon is over”.

We meet someone. We project our ideals onto the other person. Then we attach to them and in doing so lose ourselves. Then we try building a future with that person, the person we’ve created from our idealized ideations. Typically we try building that future fast.

But then the idealized projection collapses. And it collapses because the belief momentum built on idealized ideation can’t prevail against decades of negative momentum born of past experience. When that collapse happens, self-incrimination, blame and anger surfaces. Bob sees it as an entire different version of him. “Dark Bob” he calls it.

Dark Bob wants to say to Bob things like “Maria is not who I thought she was.” “She tricked me.” “I was wrong about her.” “She’s a threat.” “I can’t trust her.” “Love isn’t real.”

But none of that needs to drive Bob’s experience. What did happen, however, is typical of most people in relationships. Especially cis-trans relationships. Here’s the thing: unless Bob (and you, dear reader) does something about his disempowering, negative beliefs on a number of subjects, beliefs born of decades of feeding them, any perceived negative act Maria displays will trigger those old beliefs. Those old beliefs generate an emotion. And that belief/emotion construct becomes the lens through which Bob perceives Maria and acts in response to her.

Bob isn’t alone in this.

The Mirror Doesn’t Need Blame

The exact same thing is happening in Maria. When she allows old habitual beliefs, beliefs based on survival, threat and insecurity, to dominate, she too feels emotions, then perceives Bob through her distortion. When that happens, she acts from that distortion.

Now both people are blaming each other for what the mirror is showing them. That’s right. In every relationship, but particularly romantic ones, each partner reflects back to the other, whatever beliefs are dominant in that person. This is a constant, fundamental principle of how the Universe works. Life experience is a reflection of what emanates from within us.

Where else do you think life experience comes from?

And because of this, we each possess tremendous potential to deliberately create life experiences filled with nothing but what we want. Including ideal lovers. Doing that, however, requires knowing the people (and events and circumstances) are mirrors. And knowing that criticizing, blaming, attacking, or belittling a partner is totally missing the point.

It’s like blaming your reflection for having spinach in your teeth.

In every relationship, your partner is reflecting back to you what you carry in yourself.

Bob described moments where Maria would get internally activated. She’d be jealous, express anger (the flip side of powerlessness), or frustrated at Bob. These are all emotions. He also described moments where he would get internally activated. He’d get defensive, self-critical, fearful or feel disrespected. These are emotions too. And here’s the part that matters: Both of them are bringing the capacity to “snap” into this relationship.

Snapping at one’s partner doesn’t mean we’re bad people. It’s just a pattern we’ve practiced. A pattern born of amplifying negative belief momentum. It happens when very strong negative beliefs take us over. When they do, we have no other alternative but to act in ways consistent with the emotion (anger, fear, threat, insecurity) we feel. That’s what “snapping” is.

You Can’t “Manage” Your Partner’s Triggers

That snapping—whether it becomes arguments, accusations, emotional withdrawal, or dramatic escalation—exists both in Bob’s and Maria’s past. That’s why their previous relationships went the way they went. So now, they’re meeting these behaviors again…together.

And if they don’t understand what is happening, they’ll do the usual human thing: react, blame, justify, and repeat. But if even one person in the relationship learns how reality works—if one person learns how to stay in empowerment, sovereignty and love—then the relationship becomes something else entirely.

It becomes what I call the pearl-maker. The grit in the oyster becomes the pearl because the oyster doesn’t treat grit as an enemy. Negative experiences in relationships are the grit in this case. These experiences offer tremendous opportunity for everyone involved. Most people miss the opportunity though.

One of the most subtle traps Bob fell into is one that looks like love, but isn’t. It’s the trap of emotional responsibility. He described trying to behave in ways that would keep Maria from getting triggered. For example, Maria’s insecurity is so strong, even if she perceives Bob looking at a trans prostitute, she gets on his case. She accuses him of wanting more than she can offer. She expresses fear that she can’t satisfy him. This, of course, drives Bob crazy. That’s because he’s not feeling any of that. And no matter what words he uses, he can’t convince Maria otherwise.

So instead, he’s beginning to box himself in. He’s very careful to not even glance in the general direction of a prostitute, in hopes of keeping Maria’s mental finger off her trigger.

This is common in all relationships because people often carry social pressure and internalized shame—so the instinct becomes: “Let me be careful so I don’t rock the boat.” But that carefulness is poison. Because now we’re not relating as two sovereign adults. Instead we’re relating as two disempowered people trying to control outcomes. Outcomes born in vibration (thought, belief, focus, stories). Outcomes that have manifested already.

And no one can control those.

Finding and Holding the Center

What I offer clients is ruthless on this matter. You cannot be responsible for how your partner feels. And they cannot be responsible for how you feel. If Maria is insecure, Bob cannot “fix” that insecurity. He can’t do it by shrinking himself, censoring himself, or contorting himself into a performance of safety. No can he fix it through words.

If he tries those routes they just teach Maria that her insecurity is valid and that Bob is dangerous unless managed or controlled. And there is nothing humans like less than being controlled. Controlling Bob is not empowering for Maria. And it’s not authentic for Bob.

So what’s the alternative? Bob must become the one who holds the center of their relationship. Not by controlling Maria. Nor by forcing her to change. Not by changing himself either. Instead, he must refuse to collapse into interpretations alive in him that rise to the level of conscious awareness whenever Maria collapses into interpretations alive in her when they rise to her conscious awareness.

This is where the practice becomes real. After all, anyone can be loving when everything is easy. But can you be loving when your partner is projecting? Can you stay in clarity when your partner is chaotic? Can you stay open when your partner is defensive? How about when your partner is showing you they’re “ugly”? This is what I show clients how to do.

And when they do, they become a stabilizing field. And when they become that stabilizing field, reality reorganizes around them. Including other people.

In order for Bob to get what he wants with Maria, he’s got to stabilize his field and rest in his sovereign power. That comes from refusing to collapse into Maria’s insecurities.

The Equation That Changes Everything

Here is the equation I gave Bob—an equation I’ll keep giving him until it becomes muscle memory: When you feel negative emotion, you are allowing thoughts that will create more reality experiences that include what you’re feeling negative about. Nothing else is responsible for that negative emotion, or for what you experience. Period.

Thought creates the emotion. It’s really vibration, but hardly anyone has access to the frequency they’re vibrating. My advance clients learn to access that, but that level of mastery isn’t necessary to radically change relationships (and the potential for having fulfilling relationships).

If you’re up to speed with what you’re reading this should be obvious. Clients who’ve been with me a while find it obvious: Your negative emotion is not evidence that your partner is wrong, nor is it evidence that they did anything to you.

What your negative emotion tells you is you are interpreting the moment through distortion. When Bob feels defensive, it’s because he is telling himself a story in which Maria is an attacker. But Maria is not attacking him. Not ever. She might be projecting her fear. She might be expressing her insecurity in a clunky way. Or she might be reacting from a lifetime of survival momentum, blaming Bob in the process and making a mess of their relationship. But that is not an attack.

What is it? It’s a mirror showing what’s inside Bob.

And if Bob uses the mirror correctly, he can do something extraordinary: He can tell a better-feeling story. Not a fake story, not a delusional story. A better-feeling story—one that aligns with love, clarity, and empowerment. When he does that consistently, he becomes unconditionally in love. Love is an emotion. In other words, he doesn’t need his external conditions to be a certain way in order for him to feel a certain way.

That is creative power.

Freedom Found in Love

Because when Bob stays in love, he stops reacting to Maria’s defenses born of her negative belief momentum. He stops feeding her insecurity. Bob stops reinforcing her old story about men, relationships, and about herself. And as he changes, as he remains sovereign from her negative momentum, something else remarkable must happen: the version of Maria he experiences must change. She must change to match his higher vibrational stability in love as his mirror.

This won’t happen because Bob pressured her. It will happen because Bob stopped practicing aligning to the reality in which he rendezvous with the Maria who feels unstable, unsafe, or unworthy.

There’s a lot at stake for Bob. They’ve exchanged engagement rings. He’s planning to relocate to Mexico permanently. There’s a future on the line. And for the first time since engaging with the practice I offer, Bob is waking up to a new reality. One that asserts this practice isn’t a philosophical luxury. It’s a relational necessity.

That’s why he recently asked to see me more than just once a week. Now that he’s ready, I’m starting him on a daily appreciation practice in the morning—when things are calm—so he can build the muscle memory before the “shit hits the fan” with Maria. Because when the fan gets hit, he won’t rise to the occasion. He’ll default to what he’s practiced. And if Bob defaults to his old, practiced momentum, this relationship will become another painful chapter.

But if Bob defaults to deliberate alignment—if he becomes the one who holds the center—then Maria does not have to be “fixed” for this relationship to become a pearl. She only has to be met. Met with unconditional love. If all trans-attracted men and trans women could offer this real, powerful unconditional love, every cis-trans relationship would be glorious.

That’s the path I offer my clients. It’s the power inherent in better-feeling stories. And it’s based on the one constant of the Universe. A constant every major spiritual path outlines: Being 100% in love—on purpose—no matter what, leads to fulfillment, joy and expansion.

If you recognize yourself in Bob, or perhaps as a trans woman see yourself in Maria, you could benefit from learning what I offer my clients.

It makes a world of difference. Every one of my clients know this. You can too. Reach out if this resonates. I’d be happen to talk with you initially for free.

Why Science Took So Long To “Discover” This Great Truth

(Photo by Alex Hockett)

TL;DR: The author asserts that while science has benefitted mankind, it is directly influenced by eternal, conscious spiritual energy underlying the human condition. They discuss this assertion by examining modern research confirming that physical disease stems from thoughts and beliefs; something every trans and trans-attracted person could benefit from knowing.

Looks like science is finally catching up to spirituality. This is really good news for trans and trans-attracted people. That’s because, like many people, these people put a lot of faith and trust in science.

That faith and trust is problematic when it comes to being trans and trans-attracted. Even with that faith and trust in science, many trans and trans-attracted people struggle mightily with who and what they are. Sure, medication can and does help. But even then, struggle remains. Especially when these people’s reality continues reflecting back to them their disempowering thoughts and beliefs.

When it comes to understanding how powerful thoughts and beliefs are, science is out of its league. Which is why science can’t help people with creating their reality. But spiritualists have been helping all people find relief, then freedom then joy by showing people the power they inherently possess. People are extremely powerful. They use that power to create their reality. This includes trans and trans-attracted people.

What’s interesting is, science is just beginning to lear what Spiritualists have known for eons. Recent scientific “discoveries” are proving this.

And that’s what I’m writing about today. I’m writing about scientific research pointing to the connection between thoughts people have early in life and how those thoughts literally create debilitating and deadly illnesses later in life.

Let’s get to it.

Thoughts and beliefs matter

As I wrote above, Spiritualists such as myself have known forever that our thoughts and beliefs are the source of physical reality. Physical reality includes our physical bodies. Therefore, our physical bodies spring from thoughts we think and beliefs we hold.

If we think we were born in the wrong body, power inherent in that belief will create unpleasant realities. This explains why some trans people holding such a belief, become overweight as they get older. Their resistant belief causes them to take action (overeating) in an attempt to soothe those negative beliefs. It’s also why some of those trans people, when they accept their bodies, through physical transformation, lose significant weight.

Thoughts are powerful. They’re so powerful, they can create any reality we want. But consciousness is more powerful than thought. It also enjoys a quality thoughts do not: consciousness is free. It can literally do, be or have whatever it can conceive.

Together, thoughts, beliefs and consciousness represent an awesome combination. This freedom and power enable a consciousness to also create things it does not want. Again, the spiritual community has known this since the beginning. We know, for example, that humans create every experience in their lives, including that body in which they are born.

That’s why spiritual teachers constantly stress the importance of being conscious of one’s thoughts and beliefs. It’s also why we encourage people not to allow others’ thoughts and beliefs into one’s consciousness, unless those thoughts and beliefs are aligned with one’s desires.

Thoughts and beliefs are building blocks of everything we experience. Now it seems some corners of science are beginning to agree. One of those corners is the body of research known as “Adverse Childhood Experiences” (ACEs).

What are ACEs?

An ACE is an exposure to one or more family-of-origin condition which sociologically can be generalized as negative. Researchers put them in three categories: Abuse, neglect and household disfunction:

Categories in which ACEs are organized.

According to ACEs research these events pose an extreme risk to childhood development, and long-term adult health. As Wikipedia describes it: “Scientific evidence is mounting that such adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) have a profound long-term effect on health. Research shows that exposure to abuse and to serious forms of family dysfunction in the childhood family environment are likely to activate the stress response, thus potentially disrupting the developing nervous, immune, and metabolic systems of children.[2][3][4] ACEs are associated with lifelong physical and mental health problems that emerge in adolescence and persist into adulthood,[5] including cardiovascular disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, autoimmune diseases, substance abuse, and depression.[6][7][8]

The “stress response” identified in the research causing “disruption” is important. That’s because it’s not the stress response that creates the disruption.

But science’s focus on stress response as the cause isn’t surprising. Science rests all its “discoveries” on the belief that an objective reality exists. There’s no such thing as an objective reality though. Reality, all of it, springs from within consciousness. It therefore is subjective, not objective.

Humans invented and practice science. “Human” is an experience of consciousness. Because of that, science too, is an experience of consciousness. Science therefore is subject to conscious focus, making all it researches subject to the focus consciousness brings to it.

I’m going to get back to all this in a moment because it explains why it’s taking so long for science to understand what spiritualists have known for eons. But for now, let’s look at this “stress response” in more detail.

What is stress?

Stress isn’t an emotion. Stress is, however, a physical state arising from an emotional experience. It (stress) shows up in the body when a person interprets an experience (a stressor) as physically or psychologically threatening or challenging. “Interprets” is an act of thinking. So we can say that when one thinks something is challenging or threatening, then they will feel the physical effect in the body called “stress”.

We know not everyone experiences stressors similarly. One person’s stressor can be another’s “normal” or even their happy place. The difference lies in how each person interprets or thinks about the experience.

So stress results from thinking about the experience, not the experience itself. Indeed, research confirm this. From a Wikipedia article on stress (the underlined portion is ours):

“Stress is a non-specific response.[5] It is neutral, and what varies is the degree of response. It is all about the context of the individual and how they perceive the situation…A stressor is inherently neutral meaning that the same stressor can cause either distress or eustress. It is individual differences and responses that induce either distress or eustress.[8]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_stress#Causes

Stress then, is a physical manifestation. It is a physical reality showing up in the body. It manifests when a consciousness interprets – thinks about something – in a particular way: A thought happens and from that thought a manifestation results: stress.

“Stress response” then, indicated as the cause of disruption when exposed to an ACE, is not the cause of the disruption. It is a response to the cause.

Another word we could use to describe “disruption” is “manifestation”. “Stress responses” don’t cause “manifestations”. Stress responses are manifestations. Disruptions, therefore, are further-evolved versions of the stress-response manifestation.

Let’s look at what I mean.

It’s circular logic but accurate

First there is energy. Energy is all there is. It is All That Is. You and I are vibrational energy. Energy comprises everything. And all that energy is aware, conscious and mobile. Energy, therefore is conscious, aware action.

Because it is action, it gives rise to vibration. When conscious energy focuses itself, the vibration it emits gives rise to a predecessor of thought. That predecessor I call thought form. It is not yet a thought. But the evolution or momentum of energy’s vibration, as that energy focuses itself, continues gaining momentum. When further evolved conscious energy, such as a human, perceives thought form, the focus on that form evolves the thought form further into what humans know as a “thought”.

If you dismissively think this is circular logic, then you’re dismissing the fundamental nature of All That Is. All That Is is circular in nature. It exists to become more. And it does that by knowing itself. That’s circular!

So when some trans women reading my stories dismissively accuse me of circular logic, they don’t realize they’re accurately describing what the Universe is all about. It’s circular in its basic foundation! So my logic accords with how All That Is actually works!

By the time conscious energy that has evolved itself through thought into a manifested form such as a human, when that human perceives thought, that thought is “perceived” through a process of attraction. By attraction, I simply mean “like attracts like” or an energetic resonance like two magnets attracting each other. Thoughts aligned with the energy perceiving the thoughts get drawn to the perceiving energy. When that happens, those thoughts become perceptible. Then momentum begins.

Reality is circular.

How thoughts create disease

That momentum will draw other energy like itself until the energy further expands or evolves. Spiritual people call the evolution of energy “manifestation”; thoughts become things. That happens through manifestation or the evolution of energy as I’ve described above.

So when a person interprets a stressor, they’re thinking. The person is an evolved – a manifested – form of energy in action. Their thinking process is nothing more than attraction in action. When the person interprets a stressor as a threat or challenge, that act of interpretation or thought begins a process of energetic evolution of action energy. The thought evolves from thought form, into thought then into a physical manifestation: stress in the body. Science and psychology call that physical manifestation the “stress response”.

As with all manifestation and focus, momentum ensues. The person focusing on a threat or challenge, by the nature of their focus, generates more energy action – momentum – in other words. That momentum, spurred by the person’s continued focus, must evolve, attract and become more. The “more” here is what researchers are calling “disruption.”

They’re using the word “disruption” because typically that describes an interruption of the normal processes of the body becoming more. As the body evolves or grows or matures more in line with focus given by the energy inhabiting the body (the personality or person), natural, positive processes of action/evolution take place. These positive processes are how a child’s body grows into an healthy adult one.

But when the person chronically manifests “stress” in their body, that chronic stress interrupts those processes. The interruptions lead to disease. The person’s thoughts, therefore, are what produces disease not the disruption or the stress. Stress and disruption aren’t the cause. They are intermediary steps. Which brings us elegantly, wonderfully, back to the ACEs.

ACE-Disease Correlation

Researchers realized in the mid-1990s stunning associations between these ACEs and nearly every chronic psychological and physical problem. To spiritualists, this is not a “discovery”. We’ve known that thoughts create reality since forever.

Yet these associations are worth noting. That’s because, even though every person is more spiritual than anything else, a remarkably large number discount their spiritual nature in practice, choosing instead to focus like science does: on an objective reality separate from themselves. One in which things can happen to them against their will, where luck is a thing, where “bad things happen to good people” and where “in every life a little rain must fall”.

ACEs researchers in Montana realized remarkable correlations between ACE exposure and disease of all kinds in both children and adults. For example:

  • Children with an ACE score of 1 are 19.6% more likely to develop a chronic condition requiring above routine amount or type of health care services, almost doubling to 36.1% with 2+ ACEs.
  • Children with an ACE score of 1 are 26.9% more likely to be overweight or obese, with minimal change to 26.7% with 2+ ACEs.
  • Adults with an ACE score of 4 or more are 1220% more likely to attempt suicide, 1003%
    more likely to use injected drugs, 460% more likely to have recent depression, and 390%
    more likely to have lung disease.
  • Adults with an ACE score of 2 or more are 400% more likely to consider themselves an
    ‘alcoholic.’
  • Finally, at least 5 of the top 10 leading causes of death are associated with ACEs.

What I see here are disempowering thoughts manifesting into mental and physical disease and death. I wrote “disempowering” on purpose. That’s because there’s another manifestation that happens before the stress response. We should look at that next.

We overlook important clues: our emotions

The action of thought turning to things includes a step we’ve ignored up to now. That step comes in between attracting a thought and the manifestation that thought evolves into. Every person is familiar with this intermediary step. Yet, they don’t realize how powerful and important that step is. We humans call that step “emotion”.

Every thought we think produces an emotion. That’s obvious for really strong thoughts, ones with a lot of momentum behind them. And yet every thought comes associated with an emotion.

Emotions tell us something critical. Ignoring that message is what contributes to creating “negative” manifestations including those which interrupt bodily evolution and create disease.

One of the most important message emotions offer is they tell us what manifestations we have in the works are going to be like when they become “reality”. The message couldn’t be clearer. Emotions that feel good tell us manifestations we have underway are aligned with what we’re wanting to experience. Emotions that don’t feel good tell us manifestations we’re creating are not aligned with what we’re wanting to experience.

What we want or don’t want is shaped by the collection of core values and intents as well as desires day-to-day experiences stimulate from within us. Our wants include every possible conception. From how we want to feel psychologically and physically, to the life we want to enjoy, and the death we prefer.

Our lack of connection to these emotional clues explains how most of us create terrible manifestations; ones we think we would never create for ourselves. And yet we do.

Let’s look at how and why.

Learning ourselves

No one, it seems, would create on purpose getting raped or dying in a terror attack as a manifestation. No one would choose to experience losing their job or ending up homeless or addicted to meth. Many people would even say that no one would choose to be born trans.

But if you look at what I’ve shared so far, you can see quite logically how people would end up in such situations. These things aren’t happening to them. As hard as it may be to accept it, these experiences are springing from them. From the thoughts and beliefs they as a point of consciousness have allowed into themselves.

In other words, something in them attracts negative thoughts. It could be previous experiences in this life in which they’ve formed negative thoughts or beliefs. Perhaps it’s a thought or belief they’ve accepted from another. Or it could be a thought or belief they bring from a previous life. Yes, the energy incarnating as human is eternal. It has and will forever exist as it moves through progressive experiences (lives) as a way of knowing itself. Just like All That Is does.

Tragedies aren’t random. (Photo by John Middelkoop)

Resonance between that “something” and the thought it attracts causes the attracted thought to bind into place. It joins in the individual’s vibrational mix. Momentum ensues from the binding. Then that thought will cause the person to take action, action that will rendezvous the person with a reality reflecting back to that person the vibrational mix inside them.

In this way, conscious energy incarnate as human learns what it has in its vibrational mix. So these reflections, what humans call physical reality, are how conscious energy knows itself.

Constant clues coming for our benefit

I laid out a detailed progression describing how a person ends up creating an experience whereby she is raped. So I won’t detail the progression again. There are an infinite number of ways a point of conscious can manifest any negative experience, including rape.

But there are as many ways a point of consciousness can manifest any positive experience too. And this is where the empowerment of what you’re reading comes in. It’s also why All That Is includes people like me, spiritualists, who are here constantly reminding people what they are.

We all create our reality. When trans women read that, most immediately go to “victimhood” or “disempowerment”: “I didn’t create this thing I suffer from”, they say. They rarely go to “empowerment”: “Really? That means I can create ANYTHING! Show me how!”

Along the way to every manifestation, we constantly get clues about what we’re creating. Emotions are just one of those clues. What shows up is yet another. A person doesn’t go from being happy to getting raped. Along that path, they experience ever more intense clues giving them a heads up as to what’s coming, starting with emotion. Abraham makes it plain:

But if the person ignores the early clues, then they’ll keep coming, until the clues are so intense they can’t be ignored.

So now, with all this in your mind, let’s look at why science is so slow in discovering things like the direct connection between thoughts and physical disease.

The slow pace of science

Speaking of clues, the ACEs research gives us a lot of clues as to why it takes science so long to realize what spiritualists have known for eons. The first reason is obvious: science depends on an objective reality as the basis of the Universe. This is a complete distortion.

Reality is 100 percent subjective. A consensus reality exists, in which all consciousness agrees on some basic assumptions. But any individual consciousness can breach even those assumptions if their focus is strong enough. As such, no individual’s experience resembles another no matter how similar it physically appears. This is readily testable and, if the test is done correctly, over time, will produce convincing results for any individual.

From Wikipedia: The basic assumptions of science’s scientific method.

And that’s the problem with science and its inability to quickly get to what’s really happening in the Universe. It requires agreement. That’s a problem.

Since we’re all experiencing our own, separate realities, we can create any reality we desire and quickly. But because science and other methods have almost forced us to focus more on the consensus reality instead of our individual one, it can take a long time to manifest our desires. What’s more, many of those same methods, including science, make pronouncements totally out of whack with what’s really happening, by claiming some things impossible, that, actually, are not.

Anything the Universe inspires us to conceive can be our experience. THAT is a basic premise of the Universe. But if a person disbelieves the inspiration, or a body of knowledge says it’s impossible and the person believes that, then that person will not be able to go against their powerful focus. Their focus telling them it is impossible.

The power of focus limits or expands

And this is why science moves forward as though through molasses. Scientists believe in an objective reality. So the Universe presents that to them because they believe such a reality exists. Meanwhile, science also believes that which is real must be repeatable by others and agreed to by those same others. So the Universe offers that as the criteria by which science proves its “discoveries”.

Further, laws science has “discovered” and banks on, by those laws, makes some things, in scientist’s, view impossible. Other interpretations or experiences they dismiss as pseudoscience or delusions or hallucinations. At best they consider them “unexplainable”.

All of this greatly slows down “discoveries” science makes. All the while, people like me are proving things to be much different than what science claims. I know, for example that thoughts become things. I know that children aren’t innocently born as blank slates. They come into the world as wise, eternal beings, here to explore themselves in this unique plane. And because they are eternal, they come into the world with a strong trajectory of past interpretations of past experiences; an eternal collection which shapes their values and intents.

Those intents include some things we could call “good” and some we would likely call “bad”. All of those intents are being worked through in collaboration and cooperation with every other point of consciousness human and non human. That collaboration is what comprises All That Is. It also comprises the world in which you and I seem to live.

And none of those things you or I don’t want to experience need be a part of our experience. But they will if we invite them. And we invite them through our focused thoughts.

This is a powerful, eternal being. Not a blank slate. (Photo by Alex Hockett)

Spirit-infused science

That’s why so many struggle in life. They don’t know what you just read. So they invite all kinds of things they don’t want, while doubling down on beliefs that encourage doing that. They think luck is real, including bad luck. They believe life is random and that bad things can happen to them against their will.

It’s why parents perpetuate Adverse Childhood Experiences to their children. Of course, children coming into those experiences are choosing those experiences, so no harm, no foul because there are no victims. And yet, the world we see with all its wars, anti-trans legislation, transphobia, pain and poverty reflects the total state of consciousness and the all-that-is-ness of All That Is.

And in all that, everything is, ultimately, good. If more people can get to that point – seeing all as good – then the world will truly be a better place. But for now, too many people are looking at the world and all the “bad” out there. And through that focus they feel bad about the world, not knowing that bad feeling tells them they are creating more of what they’re feeling bad about.

So this isn’t a story about the age-old fight between spirituality and science. What it is is an attempt to show that there is as valid a source of wisdom in spirituality as there is science. Indeed, I’d say there’s more value in spirituality.

Why?

Because all we experience is spiritual. Including the scientific method. After all, many scientific discoveries (all of them actually) come through dreams, ideations while showering or in similar situations where the mind is on auto-pilot. In other words, times when conciousness is given free rein to tap into All-That-Is-wisdom.

The future of gods

That process has allowed science to give us all kinds of “breakthroughs”. Science therefore is benefiting us. From an individual perspective, however, we each can move much faster towards a life we desire by casting off reliance on science and instead relying on our essential natures, which are literally infinitely more capable, powerful and expansive. Limitless really.

Doing so requires intense focus. That’s because we must release beliefs most of us hold which block that limitless capability. Everything is possible. And, that limitless possibility expresses itself best at the level of the individual. The individual possessing the knowledge spiritualists have known forever: that we are gods in human form. And everything is possible to those who know themselves as such.

The being who chooses to come into the world through families with many of these ACE conditions or as a trans person are no different. Imagine powerful intentions such experiences spark in them. For when we know what we don’t want, we also know what we want. Any one of those people who line up with what they want, instead of what they don’t will, in rapid fashion, create astonishing worlds.

Which is why I write about how wonderful trans women are.

As it is, however, science burdens such people with “trauma” and labels like “gender dysphoria” thereby fostering more momentum behind thoughts manifesting chronic mental and physical imbalances.

At some point I know scientists will realize their error as they did around homosexuality being a mental illness or sin, or women and black people being inferior. When they do, we will be in a completely different world. Where science acknowledges the Source of all it knows: the spirit world.

We still have a ways to go before we get there though. And that’s ok.

“I’m Sick And Tired Of Being Angry” – Trans Woman Says

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

Synopsis: “Madge,” a transgender woman, discovers through meditation her deep-seated anger stemming from fears about her safety. Although she lives in trans-friendly Portland and has faced no violence, her fears have hardened into resistance, which complicates her relationships. By recognizing her internal barriers, Madge takes the first step to dismantling her anger and enhancing her future relationships.

A transgender client this week spoke for many trans women we know who struggle with love. And with life.

It’s not that her life is bad. Or that she’s failing at love. She’s doing well at both. In fact, this client’s realization came at a high point in her sessions. But the revelation was sobering for her. I’m sure it will be for many reading the following account of what happened.

It really is an amazing testament of what clients get from this practice.

Let’s dive in.

The hard shell of false self protection

This client, “Madge” is an advanced practitioner. As a result, she’s starting to explore more esoteric aspects of the practice. That exploration begins with meditation.

Our specific meditation method is powerful. Which is why Madge had what happen, happen. In fact, what happened, happened in her first meditation session. That’s how effective our meditation practice is!

The meditation lasted only five minutes. Half-way through, Madge revealed something she never revealed before.

“I’m so angry all the time,” she said. “I’m sick and tired of being angry all the time.” As she said this, tears streamed down her face.

Now, tears are a good thing. Despite some people demeaning the act, crying indicates a great release of resistance. That’s why, after a good cry, people feel better!

Resistance is a major impediment to getting what we want. Particularly in love. We create resistance when we tell stories contrary to our desires. That resistance makes getting what we want hard or impossible.

Madge’s anger is an act of self protection. But it’s also a sign of resistance. Her anger emanates from her and everyone can feel it. Especially Madge. That keeps everyone at a comfortable distance from her. Including men who might otherwise be interested in her.

Her intense, smoldering anger also explains why Madge takes “mood stabilizers.” That hard shell of protection emanating as anger also triggers a lot of anxiety. Anxiety telling her that protection is unnecessary.

Your emotions matter

Certain emotions tell us how much resistance exists within us. Anger indicates very strong resistance. After five minutes were up, Madge and I talked about why she was angry. The conversation was quite revelatory.

“I’m always holding a guard up,” She explained. “I believe I need to because if I don’t, I feel I’m at risk of being attacked.”

Madge believes that, because she’s trans, she’s at greater physical risk. Now, many transgender people will agree with this belief. And while statistics show a correlation between being trans and increased risk of violence, those statistics break down when it comes to individuals.

In other words, whether a transgender person, or anyone for that matter, experiences violence depends 100 percent on that person’s stories. Not stats. And many stories transgender women tell about anti-trans violence are out of touch with what’s actually happening in their lives.

Everyone is in touch with their emotions though. And Madge’s anger was telling her that her stories were creating experiences Madge would not like. Including her being alone.

Her beliefs are also a major factor as to why she’s chronically anxious. Anger and anxiety are both strong emotions. For Madge, most of this occurs at very subtle levels. Mostly because she’s let these beliefs fester for so long.

That the meditative practice surfaced them was a great thing. So we explored it further.

Confronting what’s actually happening

Madge lives in Portland, Oregon. The city is well-known as a haven for trans people. I was shocked Madge believed she was at risk here. So I poked at that belief:

“How long have you lived in Portland as a trans person?” I asked.

“Over seven years,” She said.

“And in those seven years, how many times have you experienced physical violence?” I asked.

Madge had to think about it. I already knew the answer.

“I have never experienced violence,” Madge said thoughtfully.

“OK, and how many times can you remember receiving verbal insults related to your trans-ness in those ten years?” I asked.

“None,” She said.

By now Madge was seeing obvious discrepancies between her fears and her actual life. This was very important, of course. That’s because Madge really wants to be in a relationship. And all the men she’s meeting reflect her fears and worries: They are on the DL. They haven’t fully embraced that trans women are ok to be attracted to. In other words, they feel risk, just like Madge does. No wonder such men show up in her life. She’s a match to them!

Serendipity: the best dating method

I assert many times in this blog that the best way to meet your match is through every day activities out in life. Not online dating. But if a person is afraid of the outside world, I can see how they’d resort to that sucky online experience.

Madge is afraid of the outside world. That fear emanates from her. It blinds her too. It prevents her from seeing guys checking her out. She also can’t tell when a guy compliments her about her appearance. When they do, she ignores it. Or tells the most disempowering story about it. Other times, when she notices a guy staring at her, she nearly always interprets his stare as threatening. When instead, the stare could indicate romantic interest.

Madge and I talked about this in the past.

So if you’re afraid of the world around you, it’s impossible for the Universe to match you with your ideal partner. Your stories create your experience. You also can’t enjoy the fun of such an in-real-life rendezvous! Like this. The Universe is sending matches your way, but if you’ve got that hard shell of protection erected, you’re not going to even notice them.

Its all good tho

The good news is, this situation is reversible. Meanwhile, the Universe will never tire of bringing you ideal matches. That’s something to celebrate. Many people worry that the pool of eligible partners is too small.

Poppycock!

There are an unlimited number of people looking to be with you. Just because you don’t see them, doesn’t mean they’re not there!

The good news for Madge is, she now realizes something that’s been blocking her for a long time. Now she can start dismantling it. And in doing so she can let in the men she wants to meet. She’s already made progress. The men she meets are improving. Meanwhile, there’s a lot more progress ahead.

Maybe you’re struggling to meet your match. Let’s figure that out. It 100 percent has to do with stories you’re telling. Thankfully, telling positive stories and weeding out disempowering ones is my speciality. So let’s talk.

Why It’s Not Bad When People Get Romance Scammed

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

I suppose most people think being scammed is a bad thing. But a scammer taking advantage of you tells you something really good.

No, it doesn’t tell you you’re stupid. Or that you should be more aware…although you probably should. What it is telling you is that there is something happening inside you that makes you a match to that experience.

Yes, the scam “victim” draws that experience into their life. Being scammed isn’t a random event. No event is. Instead, it’s a reflection of an inner state, a vibrational state. As with every event, getting scammed vibrationally matches a similar inner state, so it shows up in the scammed person’s experience as manifested reality.

This is what happened with a client recently, although she caught it early enough to avoid being scammed. Just like I did before.

I wrote about what most people would say was the positive side of this experience last week on my other blog. But this week I’m going to share another positive side. A side most would probably think was “negative”.

But it’s not. It’s very, very positive. And it’s something that could improve every trans woman’s and trans-attracted man’s experience in finding love.

Desperation: a great money maker

As I wrote last week, this client finds herself attached to a certain guy. This guy waffles in his affection for her. The client knows she deserves better. But because of beliefs causing her attachment, she can’t pull herself away from the guy. I mean, she could, but she feels compelled not to.

As a result, she wants him to change. But he won’t change. That’s because her focus remains on his waffling behavior. She doesn’t like that behavior. But because she fixates on it, it persists.

Not only that. It’s getting stronger.

And as it does, her desire for it to change gets stronger too. So the two amplify each other. That amplification leaves my client feeling desperate. And desperation is what the vibration feels like that makes one a match to scammers.

Especially scammers who use the potential of finding love as their leverage.

No where are people more desperate than in their pursuit of love. That’s especially true in the trans community, which includes trans-attracted people. Folks are willing to spend thousands to get it. They’re willing to kiss a lot of frogs too!

Meanwhile, the endearing, unconditional love people seek in the world around them exists right there inside them. It’s the connection between them and their Broader Perspective. And when a person connects to that, love from another human pales in comparison.

The irony is, when a person has this inner relationship front-and-center, human relationships get better. And love one wants from another human gets better too.

Conditional love or unconditional love?

The client in question doesn’t have this Broader Perspective relationship front-and-center though. Instead, she’s allowed her relationship with Mr. Waffle to displace that relationship. And this is why she feels desperate. Because love from another human always comes with conditions. Broader Perspective love, however, is unconditional.

Displace that unconditional love with conditional love and the immediate feeling is insecurity. Keep it there long enough and insecurity turns to worry, concern, fear, jealousy and even hatred. These emotions happen when that unconditional love another human brings to the table bears out as unconditional: when they get mad at us for not meeting their expectations. Or for doing something they don’t like.

Our Broader Perspective has no conditions we can’t meet. It doesn’t get mad at us. We don’t irritate it. It just loves us, period.

A person trying to rely on conditional love can develop feelings of desperation when everything they try fails to coax their partner into behaving the way they want. That’s what was happening with this client. And that’s why she was feeling desperation.

Finding her way

So last week when those four new perfectly-matched dating options showed up, the client was overjoyed, at first. As she explored one of them more deeply, however, he turned out to be a scammer. A scammer preying on people desperate for love.

This revelation had the client feeling angry, then sad. But what was happening wasn’t sad. It didn’t have to be anger-inducing either. That’s because the experience showed my client exactly where she was vibrationally. And if she didn’t know where she was vibrationally standing, she couldn’t do anything about it.

Thankfully, the client’s Broader Perspective got her attention well enough to trigger skepticism about this person. She looked into it a bit more, then discovered the plot.

She’s still struggling though. She hasn’t yet found her way through disempowering stories on various subjects. Stories that have her feeling vibrationally low. And creating circumstances, events…and men, projecting that low vibration back to her.

And yet, improvement is on the horizon. So long as one persists in their focus, their desire to improve their vibration, that will happen. Then the world must reflect that improved vibration back to her in the form an improving life experience.

In the meantime, this client already has created enough evidence on other subjects proving telling positive stories works. So she’s going to persist. Which means she’s eventually going to get everything she desires. Including a satisfying relationship.

A Transgender Match Exists For Every Type Of Guy

Photo by Shelby Deeter on Unsplash

It’s easy finding our match when we understand that our stories determine who we’re meeting. This applies whether we’re transgender or trans-attracted.

But in this post, let’s look specifically at trans-attracted men looking for a transgender partner. What I’m sharing today applies equally to transgender women looking for a partner. In short, stories create reality. And when our stories contradict what we want, we can’t get what we want, no matter how hard we try. Not until we do something about the stories we’re telling.

For example, many trans-attracted men look for transgender women who will top them. This is an extremely triggering thing for many transgender women. But not all of them.

The reason some transgender women get triggered so strongly when guys express this legitimate desire, makes sense when we understand it. Some (not all) transgender women tell extremely disempowering stories about the penis that came with their male body. Such stories create equally extreme negative emotions. The psychological community calls these negative emotions “dysphoria”.

But all that’s happening is the woman is confronting all the stories in her head about her body AND what she knows herself to be. She’s focusing on what she doesn’t want (the penis) instead of what she wants. Doing so, she amplifies the negative experience. So uncomfortable the amplification can get, that she literally might want to cut her penis off. Or commit suicide. Or she might vomit any time she has a penis-stimulated orgasm. Like this transgender woman explains:

Self-loathing meets itself

Meanwhile, trans-attracted guys experience similar situations. His negative stories about his attraction for transgender women causes in him equally strong negative emotions. So instead of embracing what he wants and thinking about what he wants in a positive way, he will amplify his own discomfort. Do that long enough and he, too, will consider suicide.

Yet, the guy can’t deny his attraction because it is an innate part of who he is! Just as the transgender woman can’t escape the fact that she is trans. Even if she’s 100 percent deep stealth. See where this is going?

The transgender woman focuses on her hatred of her penis. The guy equally struggles with his trans attraction. At the same time, both want a relationship. So what should we expect happens? Of course, these two people will find each other because they are perfect matches, reflecting to each other their own lack of self-acceptance combined with their matching desires. It’s not rocket science!

It’s no wonder the guy’s intense negative focus causes him to express, to the trans woman, however clumsily and even insensitively, his desire to be topped or to suck a dick. He has no consideration for how the trans woman might be feeling about her penis. He’s too preoccupied. But get this: the transgender woman equally has no compassion for what the guy is going through either. For the same reason.

Both parties are oblivious to the other person’s experience. It’s no wonder a firestorm happens when these two come together. It’s no wonder neither has compassion for the other. Still, they are a perfect match! But that match is based in extreme negativity.

How to meet that better match

Getting out of this conundrum is simple. The answer for both parties is getting out of preoccupation with negative focus/stories. Then, instead, focusing on what each party wants. Not what they don’t want. This is harder to do than to explain. But every client I work with eventually gets there.

Meanwhile, trans-attracted male bottoms, plenty of women out there LOVE their penis. For your viewing pleasure, listen to two of them talk about it themselves. Here’s the first. Here’s the second. Both are categorized on YouTube as “age restricted”. So I can’t embed them here. By the way, there are plenty of men who prefer post-op women. Men who will fuck them like they fuck cis-gender woman. There’s a match for everyone, in other words.

Everyone can enjoy anything we want. It starts with sorting out our stories, then focusing on stories supporting what we want, instead of focusing on stories about what we don’t. Do that and our lives improve dramatically. Then eventually we’ll meet our matches. No exceptions.

But if we wallow in stories about things we hate, dislike, wish weren’t true, etc., we get stuck.

Feeling stuck? Let’s get you unstuck.