Category: Cis-trans relationships

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How To Easily Meet Your Transgender Match: A Perfect Example

I know. It sounds like an impossibility. Trans women are hard to find. Men who love trans women who aren’t chasers are even more rare. Am I right? And besides, people are subject to their own whims and desires, right? Free will and all that? We can’t really create people, can we?

Why yes, we can…

It’s accurate that others are their own creation. But they’re also a co-creation. We all participate in each others’ becoming. And, as I’ve stressed before, the people we experience aren’t the same people those people are. Instead, they’re our creations. Which explains why trans women who complain about “chasers” usually meet exactly that. And why DL men meet unsavory trans women…

But this is a positive post about how I created another person in my reality. You can too. In fact, this post is really about being joyful. Because what happened was such a delightful, and yet, expected, surprise.

The setup was awesome

One day this past summer while riding my bike, I came across a celebration. Portlanders – in their weird way – were riding around on old-style roller-skates. Dressed in costumes and carrying signs, these folks were partying over something I didn’t understand.

I did understand they were enjoying themselves, though. That was obvious. As a mobile DJ blasted tunes, the revelers wound their way along a circular path cones outlined on the street.

As I rode past, I noticed a woman on her bicycle. She was tall, with dark hair to her shoulders. She drew me to her with an enthralling quality.

Now, I have a “trans” version of “gaydar”. I can just spot trans women. So I knew this person was trans. The moment happened so quick though. I saw her, rode past, then focused on the revelers.

Still, riding away, I chastised myself. Why didn’t I stop and say hi to that woman? But in my self-reproach, I realized what I was doing. So, instead of staying in that story, I decided I would create a future reality where I’d see her again. I therefore casually said to myself “Wouldn’t it be nice to see this person again?”

Then I focused on how pleased I would be to rendezvous with that probable future reality. Notice: I did this casually, lightly and only for a moment.

You can probably guess what happened next…

We create everything we experience

As creators, we are the only beings in our reality. Everything we experience, therefore, is a reflection of our massive, eternal awareness. We constantly create new realities as we move through our created reality. This gives rise to multiverses science is only recently coming to acknowledge exist.

We create people in our realities as we create everything else. The versions we create are cooperatively created along with the entities those people are in their reality. So it’s not like we’re doing anything against anyone’s will.

What this means is, we have complete control over experiences we have with other people. But usually, we let our observations reign over what we create. Especially when it comes to other people. Rather than creating them deliberately, we let our observations do it. So people occur as individuals totally separate from us. We experience physical reality the same way for the same reasons.

When we realize, however, that we create our reality, including others, we come into tremendous power and leverage. We can literally call people back into our experience, provided those people are willing to have that experience too.

That’s what happened here.

Hearing inner guidance

After affirming a future rendezvous with this person, I dropped it. I let the idea go into All That Is, knowing the Universe took hold of it.

Yesterday, over three months after seeing her, I got the impulse to go for a walk. I had just meditated for an hour and was vibing really high. So I put on warm clothes and headed out.

I knew I was vibing high because of how I felt. But also based on people’s reactions. They were super friendly. Strangers stared at me. When you’re vibing high, you stand out like a sore thumb. People notice you. I greeted those people and they were friendly in return.

As I wound my way back towards home, I started crossing one of the bridges spanning the river bisecting downtown. On the way across I spotted a person coming the opposite direction. I knew this person was trans. She was also walking a Corgi. Something else about her was very familiar. But I didn’t know what.

About 20 meters away, we locked eyes. I said hi. She smiled and nodded. I felt a jolt of clarity. I recognized a connection between her and I in that moment.

We passed one another. Then my Broader Perspective suggested I stop, so I did. I leaned against the rail and took stock of my inner awareness. Something important happened that I wasn’t catching. But my Broader Perspective’s signals were strong enough to give me pause.

The fateful bridge

Then the big reveal

I looked back and saw her walking in the distance. A part of me wanted to catch up with her. It wanted to introduce myself and strike up a chat. Another part didn’t. It wanted to go home. It was getting dark. Soon it would be too cold for the clothes I wore.

Screw it, I decided. I wanted to follow through on the first part urging me to go introduce myself. By now she was a good 500 meters away. I turned back and went to catch up with her.

About 50 meters away, for some reason, that’s when she decided to stop and sit on a park bench! It was a perfect set up! I was so pleased this happened because it worked perfectly for me to approach her. When I did, I introduced myself. She invited me to sit and talk.

After talking with her a while, it struck me: This was the girl I saw last summer! In my excitement I told her so, but she didn’t remember. Most people don’t remember much about things they consider insignificant, so that wasn’t surprising. Inside though I knew this was the Universe responding to my request.

Long story short, we talked for 30 minutes. She gave me her number. We’re talking about seeing each other again.

The more we believe, the more we see

It’s so fun meeting people this way. It’s so fun I wonder why people rely on online dating to help them meet people. This is way more fun. The serendipity, the surprise, the unfolding are all wonderful characteristics of cooperating with the Universe to meet people we want to meet.

It’s so easy. And, if we’re relaxing into the desire, it happens relatively fast.

But a lot of people don’t believe anything you just read. Or they believe what you just read is just a big coincidence. I’ve had this exact experience happen too many times though. So many I’m convinced this indeed is what’s possible. Not just for me. But for anyone.

We create our realities. That includes other people. The more we believe that, the more we’ll see that bear out in the world we experience. That means we can have anything in our reality: lovers, wonderful rendezvous, and everything else we desire.

It’s just how the Universe is organized.

Try it for yourself. Test the Universe and watch it deliver.

Need help with the how? I’m available.

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A Trans Woman On The Ins And Outs Of Anal

Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

I’m constantly on edge in my relationship with Muriel. That’s because I never know when she’s going to blow my mind.

That’s what happened this morning while chatting with her online. We talked about having sex with trans women. As our conversations usually do, this one got deep, quick.

Balls deep.

Specifically, we talked about the ins and outs of anal sex. No pun intended.

Some transgender clients express slight frustration with particulars of that sex style. After all, vaginal sex doesn’t require preparations necessary for good, clean anal. So some of my trans clients have less interest in sex at frequencies compatible with what they believe men will want.

Men will want sex more often than my clients, they say. Because of that, my clients fear they won’t be able to satisfy their men. It requires too much preparation. Other clients express lack of sexual interest due to HRT medication. That too, they fear will cause dissatisfaction in their partners.

Sorry, I don’t have a vagina.

As my GF and I talked about this, she went off. She shared a perspective I wasn’t prepared for. A perspective offering a no BS take on what anal is really about, what it offers and what it doesn’t. She also waxed poetically on a problem she thinks many trans women have:

I wonder how many trans women look at their sexual parts this way. Help me out: do you think you offer a substandard alternative to vaginal sex? Are you also thinking their partners won’t want anal as an alternative?

Muriel obviously has thought this over. Perhaps it’s something every trans woman must come to grips with. Muriel has come to a great place on it:

I think she has a point about trans women seeing themselves as second class. Second class to cis women. AND second class in terms of what they offer male partners sexually.

But there are plenty of men who enjoy anal sex. And, just to be clear, there are plenty of cis-women who enjoy anal over vaginal sex too. I even dated one some time ago. She LOVED getting it in the ass!

Meanwhile, as we all know, anal sex comes with poop. Trying to clean all that out prior to sex does offer logistics that can put the kibosh on spontaneity. It doesn’t have to though. Nor does the butt need to play second fiddle to the vagina. For women without a vagina, the “anal isn’t an alternative to vagina” must be unraveled. It’s not an alternative. It’s something altogether different.

No apologies

And this is where self affirmation comes in. Self affirmation means finding worthiness in who we are as we are. Self validation is another word for it. It’s the opposite of “outside validation”, which I argue a lot of trans women have trouble with.

So do trans-attracted men, btw.

After all, trans-attracted men on the DL are on the DL because they fear others’ opinions of their desires. In other words, they validate their desires and selfhood based on what others think about those things. Some trans women do the same thing. And that’s why both DL men and some trans women find one another. They are perfect matches.

Muriel isn’t about any of that. She’s not about apologizing for what she is. I love that. That and her humor:

It’s not about the sex

Obviously the choice to have a vagina or not has more to do with identity than where one wants a dick. Many (most?) trans women who opt for a vagina do so because it completes them. Sex may be a secondary consideration. Or, maybe, sex doesn’t even figure in.

So trans women who want a vagina needn’t be triggered by this story. It’s really not about them. This story is really not about sex either. It’s about my GF opinions. Opinions I find endearing.

I shared these opinions with a trans-attracted client of mine. His response: “I love the confidence expressed in these texts” he said.

I agree.

Muriel’s confidence is so attractive. So is her self awareness. I can see how cleaning up my own stories about myself, my transamory and about trans women have made me a match to her. For that, I’m grateful for what I’ve done.

I think Muriel is too.

PS — Did you like that pun in the headline? If so, drop me a message. I thought it was perfect.

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Are Latin-American Women More Open To Trans-Attraction?

Photo by Ben Ostrower on Unsplash

In light of two calls I’ve received recently, I’m beginning to wonder what’s happening in South America. Could it be that Latin cis-women are more open in their sexuality than the rest of the world?

Or, is the experience I’ve just had indicative of a trend emerging world wide?

Over the years, several cis-women sent me messages about what I share. Apparently, some wives of trans-attracted men have no other source of advice. So they end up at The Transamorous Network website. I suppose that’s not a surprise. People have told me The Transamorous Network dominates search rankings for “transamory” and “transamorous”.

But wives of trans-attracted men must know that term in order to search for it. Am I right? Or can they use other search terms and end up at The Transamorous Network? I don’t really know.

Whatever the case, over the last few years, I’ve been on the receiving end of several wives’ ire. They’ve complained bitterly about discovering their husbands’ trans-attraction. Some found their men engaged in conversations with escorts, or having sex with them. Or they’ve found transgender porn on their men’s computer history.

Nearly all these women expressed outrage at their husbands’ behavior. And all of them live in North America.

Recently, however, I got two calls indicating perhaps a change in all that.

Love overcomes all?

Both these women called me from South America. One from Brazil, the other, who I spoke with just this morning, from Colombia. The Brazilian has a trans-attracted long-term boyfriend. The woman from Colombia married her spouse more than a decade ago. Both women were not upset about their husband’s trans attraction. In fact, both knew about it not long after meeting their partners.

But in both cases, the men’s trans attraction began significantly affecting the relationship. So much so both women reached out for advice. Both women expressed wanting to remain with their partners. And both want to help their partners so they can remain in the relationship. I think that’s remarkable.

Is it ironic both women are from latin cultures? I thought these cultures, both sharing hefty doses of Catholicism, would frown on trans attraction, comparing it to homosexuality. And yet, both these women proved me wrong. Both were open and quite supportive of their men’s sexual interest.

Meanwhile, as I wrote above, every woman who expressed ire over their men’s behavior called or wrote from the United States. Might this indicate something? I don’t know. Samples sizes are far too small to tell.

But when talking with these two South American women, I could feel their openness to my explanation of their men’s issues. They both recognized the spiritual origins of their men’s trans attraction. They also had compassion for the shame and guilt their men felt. So much so, it surprised me.

It also surprised me that I got no push back when I told them the best way to support their men and their partnerships was to focus on the positive aspects of their men. Neither woman contested the idea that they create their reality through what they think and say. I thought that remarkable too.

Is the world changing?

I don’t know if the world is changing in this way. But it is great to talk with cis-women who aren’t threatened sexually or otherwise by their men’s trans attraction. I can tell both feel their men’s trans attraction will enhance their relationships. These women’s level of commitment to their relationships and their partners was, to me, extraordinary.

Perhaps trans attraction is entering a stage similar to being transgender: where the men (and women) who find trans people irresistible will find acceptance. That acceptance may currently be in small pockets around the world. But hey, that’s a toe-hold. It may be the beginning of a larger development.

And it just might be that I have created around me a bubble of people progressive enough, spiritual enough to recognize trans attraction as a blessed thing. Something as worthy as any other expression of love.

I’m ok with that.

I love talking with and encouraging people who already are open to new ways of being. It warms my heart knowing such cis-women exist. Just as I know trans women exist who are as accepting of trans-attracted men as they are accepting of themselves.

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How Life Gave A Transgender Client An Awesome Gift

My Advanced clients are so inspiring. Even when they struggle, they create for themselves the Charmed Life. Being Positively Focused Advanced clients, most of them catch when they do this. Still, it can feel like a painful struggle. That’s only because they need more practice. More practice that solidifies their trust that their stories create their reality.

An Advanced client today, who happens to be trans, shared an example of this. She’s progressing nicely. Her biggest desire for now is manifesting her lover. But she has many disempowering beliefs in the way. So her path to the lover is really bumpy. And yet, today she shared a story proving her progress, even though she told her story through tears.

Now, tears aren’t what people think they are. Tears are manifestations. They happen when humans release resistance. So crying isn’t a bad thing. Nor is it sad. It’s actually good. It only feels sad because we’re taught that it is sad. After all, after crying, we usually feel better, right?

As she told her story, my client felt much better. That’s no surprise. Being sad is impossible when one stands in witness to their unfolding Charmed Life.

Here’s the story she told.

A fabulous experience of inner awareness

She’s currently getting to know a guy I’ll call “David”. David has a child from a previous marriage. He and my client, I’ll call “Jill”, were texting. Today is Jill’s birthday and it isn’t a good one according to her. That’s because she perceives herself as alone (she’s not). And she think she’s getting older, which, for her is a terrible thing.

It’s terrible because the older she gets, she believes, the less time she has to find and enjoy her lover. In such beliefs, Jill can’t possibly feel happy and optimistic. Especially on her birthday!

Which is why some days she’s not happy or optimistic, including today.

Jill didn’t remember how wonderful sadness is. That sadness tells her something important. As we talked about that, naturally, Jill’s mood improved. Again, a human can’t be sad while standing in appreciation or empowerment, and as we talked that’s where I lead her.

Once getting there, she remembered what happened between her and David. Remembering this story in itself was a manifestation. She wouldn’t have recalled it had her mood not improved. So the story returning to her memory told her something important too. That’s another story though.

David is very busy. Not only does he have a child, he also works a lot. And, this weekend, the weekend of Jill’s birthday, he’s moving. So he’s doubly busy. David asked Jill if he could see a photo of her. She suggested they swap candid shots. So Jill, who was at a coffee drive-through, drove down the road then pulled over. There she snapped a couple pics. Then she sent them to David.

If you believe it long enough it becomes true

As is typical with text apps, Jill saw that David got her pics. Then she saw that familiar three dancing dots at the bottom of the chat. David was writing something. But he never pushed “send”. Here’s what happened next in Jill’s own words:

“At that moment,” She said. “I knew there were good reasons why he didn’t reply to my pics. But I made up really negative, really bad reasons why he didn’t. He didn’t like how I looked, I thought. He thought I was fat or thought I looked too masculine.”

As Jill thought these thoughts, she said, her mood got more and more negative. Before long, she was angry and sad.

“I totally believed what I was thinking,” She said. “I just knew what I was thinking was true.”

Jill’s persistent negative talk has been around a while. So there’s a lot of momentum behind those beliefs. She knew what she was thinking wasn’t true. And yet, she thought she knew for a fact that they were true. In other words, her reality was confirming her persistent beliefs. After all, she had been in situations like this before. Situations where men ghosted her after she sent a pic.

In those situations, though, she never found out the real reason why they disappeared. So getting no explanation, she made up her own. These she repeated over and over, in situation after situation, until her explanations became “truth” for her.

Anything we believe will prove true. Believe it long enough and, eventually, we’ll manifest evidence confirming the belief.

Creating deliberately

This is why I advise clients not to look at what’s true. Especially if what’s true isn’t what’s wanted. Instead I encourage them to look towards what they want. That’s because, for most of us, what’s true is inconsistent with our desires. So looking at what’s true causes that which is inconsistent with our desires to persist. Getting what we want, therefore, requires looking where our desires are. That place I call nonphysical.

Perceiving nonphysical is crucial to manifesting what we want. That’s why I spend so much time teaching how to do that in client sessions.

We can’t see nonphysical with our eyes though. We must learn to “see” it differently. When we do, we have our hands on powerful levers. Levers allowing us to create reality deliberately.

Jill knew what she was doing. Though convinced her beliefs were true, she said she was aware that she was creating a reality she didn’t want. Which is why when David finally did text her, she was not surprised: David had been busy, apologized for his delay and complimented her on her pics.

Jill said this was a big lesson for her. “I have to learn to rewire my thoughts so they’re more positive,” She said.

I agree.


In every case, the love we want that hasn’t shown up hasn’t because beliefs we hold keep it away. (Photo by Oziel Gómez on Unsplash)

Transforming the future

Being aware of what we’re doing when we’re creating unwanted is another crucial skill. Developing it first requires understanding how reality becomes reality. Then we use our awareness to interrupt that process. Then we learn to direct the process deliberately.

That Jill knew what she was doing was awesome. That she used that awareness to improve herself was the cool gift the Universe gave her. Had she not had the experience and awareness, the gift would have slipped through her fingers.

We talked about different stories she could tell in place of automatic beliefs activated by habit. We can literally make up any story that feels better. It doesn’t have to be true. It just needs to feel better.

  • He lost his phone.
  • Someone stole his phone.
  • The phone got run over.
  • He’s just busy right now.

These four stories feel better than those Jill told herself. The third made Jill laugh. That was a great sign. All of them are not true. Except the last one. Yet they all had Jill feeling better. And that’s the goal.

By practicing this skill on any topic we automatically think negative thoughts about, we transform our future. We make the future compliant with out desires. Do that often enough and we’ll find the future including more of what we want.

What we want therefore becomes a foregone conclusion. They must manifest. That’s just how the Universe works.

Words aren’t as convincing as creating results in your own life that prove this. Maybe you’re ready to do that. Contact me and let’s get you on that path.

Life is constantly gifting us. The only question is: are they slipping through your fingers?

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Transgender Self Acceptance: A Beautiful, Powerful Thing

Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash

I have a client on the Positively Focused side of what I do. She’s cisgender and has fallen for a man she manifested. But the man waffles a lot over his commitment to her. Rather than seeing this guy as not worth her time, because he does not meet her minimum requirements, she’s clinging to this man.

Because she believes this man is the only man out there for her, she believes she MUST have this man. As a result of her scarcity consciousness — about men and relationships — she suffers as the guy keeps breaking up with her, then he apologizes and comes back to her.

On my bike ride this morning I couldn’t help contrasting her experience with my own. As I’ve written in earlier posts, I now have a girlfriend. What’s remarkable, among many things, about Muriel, is her radical self acceptance. She knows herself. She recognizes those things about herself she wants to improve. And most importantly, one of those is not trying to pass as a cisgender woman.

I love that about her. Her radical acceptance of her status as a transgender woman resonates powerfully with me. That’s because I know the best happiness lies in self acceptance. Accepting fully who we are is the key to getting everything we want.

Loving who we are as we are

Self acceptance is a struggle for many transgender women. Muriel say this is because transgender women try to be something they’re not. I agree. They compare themselves to cisgender women. Then use that comparison as the yardstick for their “passability”.

Hopefully, dear reader, you can see the built-in struggle of that approach. Many transgender women compare themselves against something they’ll never be. And, in that comparison, they cannot accept a man who wants them for who they ACTUALLY are. So it’s no surprise such women struggle with finding love in relationship. It’s also no wonder they revile trans-attracted men.

They don’t fully love themselves as they are. So when someone expresses love for them as they are, they reject that person. As they reject themselves. Thankfully, Muriel is not that way. She loves (most) of who and what she is. So she can accept my affection. Indeed, my affection apparently amplifies her own self-appreciation. And I enjoy doing that for her. I reflecting back to her the love she has for herself.

Joy and freedom are at the heart of self acceptance. The more one pushes toward greater acceptance of all that one is, the more love and joy one will experience. First in themselves. Then in the world around them. In time the world will reflect back to them that inner state of joy. And when that happens, everything the person wants must show up in their life experience. Including lovers.

This is true for transgender women and trans-attracted men. It applies to everyone actually.

Loving ourselves is the best thing we can do to get all we want. Especially in love. (Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash)

Our perfect match is looking for us

Which again, is why Muriel and I have found one another. It’s no surprise that Muriel and I find the relationship we are experiencing satisfying. The limits it includes are perfectly matched to our life situations. Hers, being in an open marriage. Mine, being focused on my spiritual path. These two aspects of our lives are perfectly accommodated in what we share.

I want my Positively Focused client to find her full self acceptance. Doing so, she’ll find no need to pine after men. When it does, men like the one she’s pursuing won’t show up. Instead, she’ll rendezvous with men who are equally matched to her self acceptance. This already is happening. She’s getting better at seeing this.

Confidence, joy, freedom, security. All these are available to those who fully accept themselves. It doesn’t matter whether one is trans or cis. We’re all human after all. And we all have multiple perfect matches looking for us. Not just one. I love helping trans women and trans-attracted men find those kinds of matches.

Accepting oneself fully is not an easy matter though. Especially when so much of society conditions us out of self acceptance. That’s why someone like me can help those wanting joy, satisfaction and love.

If you’re one of those people wanting more joy, satisfaction and love, contact me. Results are guaranteed. Whatever you want you can have. But you first must become a match to it.