Perry Gruber

January 23, 2018January 3, 2018

2018: No better time to feel happy

Feeling happy feels good - photo Lesly Juarez — (Photo credit: Lesly Juarez)

There’s nothing better than feeling happy. Feeling happy is the start of all you want. It’s also the end of all you want: All you do you, do because you think you’ll feel better doing it. “Feel better” means getting closer and closer to feeling happy. So why not take the shortcut?

I recently conversed with a transamorous man who recently met a transwoman. He loves transwomen (obviously) but, while he is open to transwomen about his attraction, he’s not yet out to others. In other words, he’s not living an authentic, out-loud life.

I recently also had a conversation with a married transgender woman, a beautiful person from the EU. She just recently married and, to my surprise, the family of her husband (a cis man) doesn’t know she is transgender.

Now, I’ve spoken to so many transamorous men who are living their lives out loud, I am absolutely convinced there is power, joy and freedom in living transamorously, out loud. Gone is the fear. Gone is the stress. Got is the hiding. Gone is the drama.

And you know, what you fear being discovered is actually already known by others. They may not know the specifics. But they know. You think you’re hiding your attraction, but others pick up on your insecurity. Not only that, the women you find yourself attracted to also pick on it.

Sadly enough, when you’re living in the closet about your trans attraction, insecure about what others might think or say about you, you bring into your life perfect-match transwomen: transwomen who, like you, are equally as insecure. I guess that’s not so sad because you create your reality. Meaning, you can bring into your life dream-trans-women. But to do that, you first have to come to terms with yourself.

So if only for the reason of meeting better matches, it behooves you to learn to accept who and what you are and live your life out loud. It’s 2018 for goodness sakes! The world is in upheaval in the face of the transgender movement. Now is the perfect time to declare who you are.

And let the chips fall where they may.

January 16, 2018January 9, 2018

Why the recent trans murder is not relevant

Screen Shot 2018-01-09 at 17.40.51 PM — Christa Steele-Knudslien (Facebook)

We’re not sure the latest murder of a transwoman, the first of 2018, should be considered a hate crime and thus included among the epidemic of murders over the last few years.

Instead, we see it as domestic violence. For the spouse of this locally famous transwoman murdered her, not in a fit of shameful hate-filled rage that accompanies a true hate crime, but instead in a fit of out-of-mindness, similar to any other crime of passion.

We’re not taking anything away from the tragedy, or from the fact that another transwoman was murdered. What we are saying is circumstances surrounding this one seem to be quite a departure from recent trends.

According to police (as reported in the New York Post), her husband, Mark Steele-Knudslien, pleaded not guilty to murder after admitting hitting her with a hammer and stabbing her after an argument. Not a hate crime. A case of domestic violence. Admitted.

Sad, but not something out of the ordinary: women are murdered by men in similar contexts far too often. Transwomen are women. So it shouldn’t be a surprise something like this happened.

We are eager for the day when it is a surprise. For as we said, it happens far too often. But this tragic incident should not be included among the real travesties of justice.

January 9, 2018January 3, 2018

How 2018 can be the best year of your life

brooke-lark What are you going to do to make this year different from 2017? Are you going to drop those pounds? Start eating right? Finally come into fully accepting who you are? Or is there something else on which you’re wanting to focus?

How about changing the way you think?

Huh?

That’s right. You could, in the next 30 days discover a brand new life – the beginning of the life of your dreams actually – by changing how you think. What do I mean by that? I mean thinking more positively about your life. No matter how bad your life might be, there is something about it, something positive, that merits your attention. Regularly focusing on that one thing, no matter how small, will, over time, make you aware of more positive things in your life.

Those things overtime will lead to you one day in the future, a year or two or three, living the life of your dreams. A life you thought was impossible.

Instead of a new years resolution, make a new years revolution. A thought revolution.

Doing so can make 2018 your best year ever.

January 2, 2018November 21, 2017

Snark and other things unwanted

Yes! So, I’ve noticed an increasing desire to not engage people who respond to The Transamorous Network with acerbic commentary. I can handle people being negative, people calling us out. What I no longer will contend with are people who fee it necessary to liberally pepper their commentary with personal insults and negative assumptions about our motives and intents.

We advise people tell stories of things they want to experience in their life experience. We’re not hypocrites. So we’re doing the same thing. What we want to see and experience are people who are respectful, who can ask questions while respecting their own dignity and the dignity of who they are addressing. We are eager to experience more people behaving in this way. And we are inspired by the future we are creating with these words!

Yes.

December 26, 2017November 15, 2017

Trans-attracted or transgender, you have a place

backup The conservative social agenda is a losing one.

Progress is inevitable. No matter how those who revere tradition try to hold it back, progress inevitably comes.

I saw “conservative” defined somewhere that made sense. While I thought it was a wishful description, I could see how conservatives would warm to the definition. It neatly explained many of the positions conservatives take, positions which often have oppressive results for non-conservatives. The definition also contained its fair share of superficial criticisms of the left (the left is opposed to driverless cars???). Criticisms that are as false as some leftist criticisms of the right.

No matter how you try to argue the point, conservatism is about preserving tradition. It’s about revering the way things are and favoring that over something new. I can understand preferring something that works over something untried, which is a conservative core tenet. But just because something is untried (such as freeing slaves, allowing women to vote, or recognizing transgender equality) doesn’t mean it need be resisted. And as we have seen, reverence for “what works” tends to mean restricting people’s rights (freedom of expression, freedom to pursue one’s happiness, labor rights, association rights and of course, equality) particularly those, who at the time, don’t look in ways or act in ways which make conservative people comfortable.

Those people used to be women. Then it was blacks. Then it was hippies. Then it was gay people. Now it is transgender people.

But in every case where conservatives have resisted the groups of people described above – including transgender people – conservatives have either lost or are losing the contest. For whether it’s suffrage, slavery, free love, inter-racial marriage, gay marriage, gays in the military or using whatever bathroom one wants, those who have opposed these massive social changes have lost or are losing.

I must acknowledge what was mentioned in a recent IN YOUR FACE show: Conservatives appear to be winning….to some limited or even significant degrees in “red states.” The US education system is woefully inadequate for low-income and black communities. But those battles, while significant to those living in red states including those minorities struggling under those policies in those states, are not reflective of the general contest between conservative and progressive agendas. There is no mistaking that progress is winning the general contest. Even with a republican administration. And that means, transgender equality is a done deal. It also means even the red states must (and will, gradually, if imperceptibly) change.

You create your reality through the stories and emotions you entertain. Working alongside your stories is a meta-story that can’t be resisted: All That Is is constantly seeking to express itself in as many varied and diverse ways as possible. That includes “conservative” expression. There is no way to prevent this. Whether it is children coming into the world far less concerned about what’s between a person’s legs, children coming into the world on a transgender journey, or populations which find that journey an abomination, All That Is will find a way to keep progress moving forward. It will also ensure expression of all kinds is as diverse as possible. It is what puts “eternal” in “eternity.”

The good news to all that is trans-attracted or transgender, you have a place, a sovereign, equal right to existence, whether you acknowledge that or not. All That Is is backing you up. And with that behind you, there’s just no way conservatives will win.