Perry Gruber

February 27, 2018January 23, 2018

How to have a happy life: trans or transattracted

wishful thinking Photo by Jeremy Yap on Unsplash — Photo by Jeremy Yap on Unsplash

A few transwomen (and, admittedly, a couple trans attracted men) read our material or check out our videos, then claim that we advocate the “silly” idea that if you just think happy thoughts, you’ll have a better life. Or if you meditate you’ll “get everything you want”.

We don’t say that.

Well, we do, but that’s a kind of shorthand describing a much more detailed process through which you already are, right now, creating the reality you’re experiencing. What we do advocate is a process which involves examining the stories you tell about your world, your “reality”. Then, after examining those stories, we advocate using a deliberate, conscious process that leads to new stories. These new stories are part of a larger process we describe more deeply in our material, a process that does actually get you everything you’re wanting: more money, that lover you want, that fulfilling and enjoyable work you wish you had, a safe place to live…whatever.

But we can’t go through the entire process in every one of our shows. That would be too repetitive and b-o-r-i-n-g.

Instead, we use a shorthand. That’s why we harp on “telling positive stories”.

Quote Photo by Tom Barrett on Unsplash — Photo by Tom Barrett on Unsplash

Here’s a summary of the process. Again, it’s not as simple as this, that’s why it’s called a summary. Following this process will, guaranteed, produce a life where you have everything you’re wanting. No exceptions.

Let’s say you’re wanting to become a doctor. You create your reality. So to create the reality in which you are a doctor, here are the steps we recommend (and stand behind as guaranteed to work):

You must realize you are creating the realty you experience. For many, this is the most difficult step.
You must realize the creative momentum you have created up to this point. This momentum is creatively expressed as the life you currently have, warts and all. That creative momentum is strong and going against it, while possible, is going to take a while, just as it took a while to get where you’re at. So….
You must then start changing the stories (beliefs) you have about the reality you currently have. The primary story needing changing is that you think the world just “happens to you” out of some random, uncontrollable set of criteria such as your race, location, politics etc (see step one). Another primary story might be that you think things can not ever change. That story sounds like this: “Life sucks”, “Men are always…”, “Transwomen are always treated…” “Transwomen are all….”…
You must understand the nature of “momentum” (what it is and how it works) and begin creating momentum in the direction of where you’re wanting to go ( in our example, becoming a doctor).
Then you must begin telling stories about why you want to become a doctor, stories that create certain emotional responses within you. This emotional response is your first indicator that you have begun changing your reality. Meditation is certainly part of the process because, for most people, the mind is unruly and seemingly random in its thinking. It must be reined in to serve the deliberate creative process instead of creating willy-nilly or seemingly randomly.
Point five is a major milestone, known as the “Be” of the “Be, Do, Have” process resulting in becoming a doctor.
You must then continue telling such stories and having these certain emotional responses while training yourself to become sensitive to your inner being’s guidance through quieting your mental activity (meditation). As you become more sensitive, you will begin noticing you are receiving impulses to think certain thoughts and take certain actions. One, thought, for example might be “what is required to become a doctor?” You might then be inspired to go to the library or get on the internet and start researching. This is the “do” part of the process. You are being guided by your inner being to have thoughts (stories) and actions (manifested reality) that accord with “doing” what doctors do.
Over time, supposing you are consistent in the seven steps above, you MUST wind up in the “have” part of the “Be, Do, Have” process where you have, in actuality, your actual, real life, become a doctor.

That’s it. There is nothing magical to the process. It is not about daydreaming or telling yourself untrue stories. There’s a lot more to it than these eight steps because one must get clear on an accurate nature of “reality” and where it comes from for this process to really work, but that’s essentially it.

And it works.

Every time.

It is even working for you right now, although in a probably indirect, in-deliberate way. For many people, that’s why they have a life that is less than fulfilling. It’s not because of fate, or the circumstances, being born in the wrong place or even being trans or transattracted. It’s simply because people aren’t deliberately creating the life they can have. So they get the one they got.

That’s why we say everyone can have the life they want. It begins with telling positive stories. When are you going to get started?

February 20, 2018January 17, 2018

The best transgender dating site…ever

Is….your daily life.

After all, it’s free, wide open and you don’t have to screw around with inaccurate pictures, inflated profiles, gold-diggers or the monotonous, impersonal experience of Online Dating.

So men have been trained through online dating that finding a transgender partner has to be a deliberate, weeding through a lot of negative experiences. Conversely, meeting your ideal partner via your daily life can be a surprising, delightful, fun-filled experience where each person you meet is perfectly matched for you. Every time.

How to get that relationship you want — Your daily life is the best venue.

How does it work? It’s easy!

First, you have to come to know that transwoman you’re wanting is looking for you. Then you have to stop “trying” to find her. For when you try to find her, with effort, impatience, frustration and feelings of “longing” you’re mucking up the process. Relax man!

Next, realize you’ve already put “out there” all the qualities of the transwoman you’re wanting. That’s why she’s already out there looking for you! So you don’t have to think about what she looks like or any other detail. All that’s been handled.

Next, live your life. But here’s where people muck it up….again! You can’t be desperate, lonely feeling, impatient or entertaining thoughts like “I’m never going to find her”, or “there are no transwomen in my city”. Those thoughts are working against you.

Instead develop the mind set, the mental habits of focusing on positive aspects of your life. And no matter what your life situation, there are ALWAYS more positive aspects than negative ones. In fact, there are as many positive aspects as you’re willing to look for. Focusing on positive aspects of your life tunes you to the type of person who is looking for you. Focusing on negative…anything negative…tunes you to people who share that world view.

If your shady, on the DL or haven’t acknowledged out loud that you’re trans-attracted. You should first handle that. We can help.

By the way, this process works for anyone looking for anyone. So transwomen wanting a cis-male: you can have that. Cis women looking for transwomen: you can have that too.

Your daily life is the best, easiest, most fun way to meet the person of your dreams. You should give it a try. But remember, your old habits will be working against you. So you you may need some help.

We’ll be around!

February 13, 2018January 17, 2018

A life worth living can be yours

ariel-lustre YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL If there is anything that’s worth having in life, it’s a life worth living.

A life full of fun, a life full of joy, a life full of freedom, wealth and love…all these are possible…for everyone. Even you.

Of course, at The Transamorous Network we focus on realizing that relationship you’ve always wanted. Yes, we mean “always”. For you may not have been aware of your transattraction, but it has always been a part of you.

So yes, you always wanted it. And that wanting has put a lot of different potential partners into your reality experience.

But your connection to that stream of perfect-partners-for-you feels like a freaking nightmare when you’re living life oblivious to how life “happens”, how it is created (by you) in hour present-moment experience. With this mindset, it’s difficult to see how life is working out perfectly for you. Even when it is.

And it always is.

Men: You are getting everything you want. If you aren’t having that experience in your life, it’s because you’re shooting yourself in the foot by living unconsciously.

Women: Same for you.

You don’t have to buy our guide for men or our guide for transwomen to understand this. But it sure makes the process of understanding easier. Otherwise, you gotta keep coming back here and reading all this. We don’t mind though. Keep coming back. As with life, there’s always something more to learn.

February 6, 2018January 9, 2018

Trans attraction and the fear of death

LOVING YOU OUT LOUD MEANS — Closeted trans attracted men’s unspoken fear

Coming out as transattracted could be equated to dying: It’s a scary thing. Like death though there’s nothing to be afraid of. Although we can understand the fear.

We’ve been told all our lives that death is a scary thing. Religions have equated death to an ultimate judgement day, where your creator and you review your life and, well….it’s harps or fires baby! Other faiths suggest nothingness, paradises and such. But despite the afterlife stories, most of us irrationally fear death. Especially the first part, usually marked by some kind of massive illness, sudden traumatic experience like an accident or other violence. That must be what lead someone to once say “It’s not death I fear. It’s the dying part that’s scary!”

Science is getting around to soothing concerns about the afterlife. We here at The Transamorous Network have known all along that death holds nothing but amazement. As an aside we wonder why there is the death penalty. For killing someone as punishment is actually sending that person somewhere far better than ordinary life experience. We shake our heads in humanity’s misperception of the experience.

But we digress.

For trans attracted men in the closet, the fear of shame of humiliation in friends and family discovering one’s attraction to transgender women can be even scarier than death. We get it: at least when you die, presumably (this isn’t accurate but let’s go with it) you no longer have to face what others think of you. But here in life experience, you do. And for sure, there are some pockets of the world where being attracted to transgender women is problematic. So coming out as transattracted can have really scary consequences.

uy678i876978 — Nas got it right. Same applies to coming out as trans attracted – the only thing to fear, is the fear.

Or can it? Well in some places perhaps. But most of the time, experience of other transattracted men has shown that coming out is more about the fear of fear itself, rather than something akin to dying. For nearly every man we know who has owned their trans attraction then come out to friends and family has found the process surprisingly lacking drama. We think that’s because of something we harp on a lot at The Transamorous Network.

You see, people respond to unspoken communication you send out about yourself. There’s a lot of depth to this, but put plainly: people read your self-confidence…or lack thereof. If you aren’t confident in who you are and how you live, people pick up on that as mirrors of you. A mirror reflects all that you see back at you. Focus on that zit and that’s all you see. Focus on the flab…the same.

But focus on the perfection that is you, including the perfection that is your trans attraction and, oh, the mirror that is society will reflect back to you the confidence you feel when you realize there is nothing wrong or shameful about finding transwomen beautiful, other than the collective indoctrination stemming from puritanical, cultural, familial biases and prejudices. These things are always made up. They are never truth. Nor are they accurate.

So think about it man. We are approached every so often via the comments section or an email by a guy who has come into their own trans attraction, moving into transamory and we can tell you, the joy in these guys’ hearts is worth the risk – and it’s a false risk – that comes with confidently owning this important part of who you are.

There is no death. And in your trans attraction there is no shame.

January 30, 2018January 23, 2018

When trans exploitation isn’t

fullsizeoutput_20ea We did a show recently about Rihanna’s statement about trans exploitation. It was taken out of context and reported that she would not hire transgender people as part of her cosmetic line’s marketing campaigns. She didn’t actually say that. But people in the trans community were quickly polarized by her comments. Some said her desire not to exploit trans people was spot on. Others, like the woman who wrote me personally about it, said Rihanna was a transphobic false ally like many other people in the world.

On IN YOUR FACE we talked about nuance of interpretation. How interpretation determines mind set and vice versa. Your perception of the world, in other words, is determined by your mindset. And, your mindset is ongoingly re-shaped by your perception. Since you can control your perceptions, you can consciously design your mindset.

However, most people live life unconsciously, focusing on nearly anything crossing their path, and allowing pretty much anything into their perceptions with little question as to whether those things are shaping the mindset they want to have or not. So, as one IN YOUR FACE audience member aptly put it: “Sometimes we focus on the negative out of habit”. So the question is, what is your habit?

There is no doubt in my mind transgender people are being exploited. The question is, is that exploitation harmful or not?

The woman who wrote me about Rihanna’s purported comments claimed I need to get better at “reading between the lines” so I could see what is really happening. What is really happening usually when people “read between the lines” is they are making up an interpretation of what they are perceiving, not actually reading between the lines. That interpretation is determining their mindset. So it should be no surprise that some people will see Rihanna as transphobic while other see her as an ally. Some people have trained themselves to see a mostly negative world, in which people are generally not very nice. Some see the opposite: a world where people are generally agreeable, happy and positive. And there are all kinds of shades in between. How you see the world is crucial, for it shapes your life experience.

Putting this in our language, the stories you tell yourself about life experience determines how you experience your reality. If you tell yourself the story that people are mostly transphobic, or that there are transphobic people in the world, then it’s easy to read a misleading story then conclude Rihanna is transphobic. Rather than, say, thinking critically about the article, doing some more research and thereby coming to an alternative interpretation. One that gives Rihanna more grace in the matter.

Same goes for how you see yourself. If you’ve been taught certain stories that make being trans-attracted a negative personality characteristic – one that is sinful, aberrant, gross, perverse, “gay” or whatever – those stories are going to shape your mindset of not only your world, but of you. So key to overcoming these stories is become aware of them, then create new ones that, over time, change the momentum of your self-perception and of the world. It’s not always easy…well it is…but it’s definitely worth doing. We talk about this in the show I referred to above as well. It’s really worth going back and watching if you haven’t.

There is no doubt in my mind transgender people are being exploited. The question is, is that exploitation harmful or not? I don’t think it is. In the end exploitation leads to more awareness and understanding that transgender people are human. Which by the way means they are capable of being exploited. Along with that realization comes something every human community can benefit from, particularly the trans community: compassion. Compassion for ourselves and compassion for others.

And maybe then, we in the trans community can extend a bit of compassion to those we think are transphobic. For even their transphobia promotes understanding and compassion for our transgender brothers, sisters, lovers and friends.