Tag: Transwomen

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Transgender: suffering is optional

Tolle**Trigger concepts in this post. If you’re easily triggered about certain transgender topics, you might want to read this post first.**

If you’re a transgender woman and you’re suffering some situation, or a transamorous man living a life of shame, lying to loved ones, including yourself, about who you are, it may be hard to hear that your suffering is optional.

As soon as you become aware of your origins and your choices, your options become literally infinite, including the option of bidding adieu to suffering.

How can that be?

It all lies in how we got here, why you’re transgender. Why I’m transamorous.

Here’s how science describes how cis people become cis:

“Embryos start to become male or female at about six to eight weeks. At that time, those with an active gene called SRY, most often found on the Y chromosome, starts to produce the male sex hormone, testosterone. Without the flood of the hormone, embryos remain female. With testosterone, masculinisation begins. It is the fork in the road that shapes a person’s anatomy and physiology, and potentially their behaviour.”

Notice that science presupposes no “existence condition” prior to the embryonic state. Science usually leaves that condition to religion or spirituality. Pity. Because that’s where things get really interesting.

(All of the following can be verified by you with a little focus and effort.)

There has to be (and there is) an existence condition prior to being formed as an embryo. Random chance of you being transgender or transamorous doesn’t stand up to scrutiny. It seems much more logical, from where I’m standing, that we set up the conditions which are our physical life, including how that embryo forms into who we ultimately, biologically, become. And we do this in this existence condition which precedes embryonic formation.

This doesn’t have to negate our freedom-to-choose if we freely choose our circumstances, prior to living them. I mean, isn’t that logical?

If in that existence condition before birth, we were free to set up whatever life circumstances we want, then it makes sense we also have freedom once we get here, bounded only by the circumstances we have set up, doesn’t it? And wouldn’t that freedom include being free of suffering?

By now your stories may be kicking into high gear. If you’re anti-judeo-christian, for example, you might have two story constellations, tightly related: Those stories making up “judeo-christian belief” – the Bible, what your parents told you, what church told you –  and all those stories you’ve made up about “belief” or “faith” that perhaps has you no longer believing in those religious stories.

I’m not saying the judeo-christian stories are right. An atheist or agnostic could be equally resisting what I’m writing here. Stories are stories. They are living things and defend themselves. Are your stories rising up right now to defend their territory (your life view)?

Can suffering be optional?

What I am saying is, you are more free than you think. Even if you are in a situation that seems so bleak, you couldn’t possibly have wanted to experience it, you can find yourself in a far better place, and from there, you can change those circumstances. For good.

Next time, I offer reasons why you might have wanted to come into the world as transgender and why I wanted to come into the world transamorous.

 

 

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Where does transgender come from?

Born this way but whyLet’s presume you’re a transperson, trans attracted person or a sympathizer or ‘ally’. Why on earth would you willingly choose to be born as something seen by the mainstream as such an affront that the chances of you being killed (in the case of a trans person) or at least ridiculed (in the other cases)?

Lady Gaga says we are all “born this way.”  Ok, but why?

Why were so many people born black in the slavery days, jews during the holocaust, or residents of Hiroshima or Nagasaki on those fateful days in WWII? How about the people born to live in Syria or Iraq? Why would someone be “born this way” only to become a murder victim?

Is it all random?

Really?

I don’t think so. And I don’t think science is going to be much help.

Science admittedly doesn’t know the answer to the question “where does transgender come from?” Hell, they’re still trying to figure out how “boys” and “girls” happen. And so long as it denies existence of a condition requiring no-time and no-space, I don’t think it’s gonna find it.

I believe “transgender” comes from the same place “transamorous” comes from: That no-time and no-space state we all come from. Religion calls this state “heaven”. I have had a long-running beef with this concept, but now I can see why religion calls it that (in various permutations). It is, indeed, a state of pure positivity, where all things are known and possible and All Things are eternal. But it’s not a white robes and harps kind of place.

How do I know? I’ll get to that.

Words come with so much baggage, it’s challenging to talk about our origins.  “Heaven” comes with so much baggage, it makes understanding where transgender and transamorous originate a sticky topic. Especially when, supposedly, the “boss” in heaven, according to some people, abhors what transpeople are.

So I prefer a less-loaded phrase such as “Infinite Intelligence”, “All That Is”, or “Source” to describe our origins. These words tend to come with less past meaning.

What if there were very good reasons for why people come into the world and face such seeming horrendous experiences. What if there were very good reasons why you came into the world as transgender or transamorous? That’s what I’m going to explore over the next series of short, pithy posts.

 

Stay tuned.

 

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Get the girl. Easily.

IMG_0762So I’ve launched a new initiative to help trans attracted men get their girl. There are a lot of other results this initiative will produce, all of which will enormously benefit the trans community.

But the result I want to describe here is the one you men are most interested in: getting the girl you want and getting her easily.

I know how fucking hard it is to meet transgender women. I know because I’ve been there. I know all the elements which make being trans attracted hard. I know there is a pent-up demand among us men for a solution that will make it easier for us to get the girl. I know this because pretty much all the men who come on our shows express this desire. The women do too and I’m going to get to them, after I demonstrate success with a number of you guys.

Ok, about the new initiative:

There currently are five or so men who are participating in a pilot test. It is designed to produce circumstances wherein the men easily meet the perfect transgender woman for them.  The process starts by understanding the nature of stories, demonstrating through actual proof how those stories create physical reality, then creating new stories while practicing the art of storytelling so that transgender women come to the men….instead of the men having to go to where the transgender women are.

Of course, this story examination has several other benefits and challenges. It creates a kind of happiness, ease, and general satisfaction with life on earth. It creates better experiences throughout life, not just in the dating world. People who contribute to producing “negative” life experiences and drama naturally fade from one’s life. In their place come people who help create better life experiences, ones more in line with the life participants want. The challenges are that the participants have to confront their old negative stories and be willing and open to trying out something they may believe is bullshit.

All of this comes with a guarantee. It is absolutely guaranteed to work. What online dating site can make that claim? The test participants are not paying for their participation during the pilot, but the guarantee is there nonetheless.

Ultimately I plan to create a custom-curated exclusive community where trans attracted men and transgender women can meet under the best circumstances, circumstances where the man and the woman are on the same page about what a relationship is, what their relationship to that relationship is, an how to dance in that relationship in ways that every dancer gets what they want.

There’s a lot of potential for this to be life changing for participants, as well as life changing for the trans community. It could actually be the beginning of one of the most important changes the community has ever seen.

I’ll be sharing more as the pilot moves forward. Stay tuned.

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What stories are you telling?

FullSizeRenderYou are a story teller.

Now, I know you probably don’t believe the following, but I’m going to share it anyway. Did you know you can create any experience you want, just by thinking it into your experience? Well you can. And whether you believe that or not, that’s exactly what you’re doing, and, that’s exactly why you’re finding your trans attraction such a struggle.

If you responded to that paragraph above by saying “bullshit, no one can create reality just by thinking” that story creates a reality wherein it is impossible for you to see evidence confirming the truth that you do create your experience. Even though – and get this now – the fact that you can’t see evidence is exactly the evidence proving what you say is impossible!

How cool is that?

It’s really easy to change the story…and see immediate, different and inspiring results. But you have to understand the process by which the change happens. Contrary to literature, art and movies, results that come from your stories don’t happen “magically”, nor do they happen instantly. There’s usually a span of time between the told story and the final result. Especially if you’re trying to change an old, often-told story.

The more stories you tell, the bigger your world becomes. But if you keep telling the same stories, your world just keeps changing….into the same old reality. So if you tell yourself, “The only way I can find a transgender woman to be my girlfriend is to post a posting on Craigslist and hope for the best,” then that’s the experience you’re going to have.

And I know how much drudgery comes from trying to meet a transwoman on Craigslist!

Examining your stories is the best thing you can do to increase your happiness in your trans attraction. That goes for not only finding a woman to be with, but finding happiness and self-acceptance.

There is nothing shameful or embarrassing about being trans attracted! If you think there is, you have a story you’ve accepted from other people that is creating your reality experience. Everyone lives in their own subjective reality. That includes you. You have total authority over that reality, including the people who come in it. Your authority lies in the stories you tell.

Tell new stories and you walk into a new world. With new people and new experiences consistent with your new stories. Tell the same stories and you get more of the same.

Your life reflects your stories. Tell good ones!

 

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There are many trans attractions

There might be as many “trans attractions” as there are transitionary processes transgender people go through.

That could explain why trans attracted men come in so many different “flavors” making it hard to describe “trans attraction” with one definition.

There are trans attracted men who see transgender women as women, for example. These men also date cis-women, seeing no real difference between them and their transgender counterparts. Presumably, guys in this category don’t care what’s “down there”, or they may care a great deal: they may prefer only transgender women who have “gone all the way” surgery-wise.

There are trans attracted men who see women as women and accept (heartily in some cases) that some women have penises. This is not always a fetish, although there can be a period where men fetishize women with penises, just as there are men who fetishize other aspects of womanhood, and women who do the same. These men probably are the most visible as far as transgender women are concerned. They also tend to be the most vilified because they enjoy sexual expression with women with penises in much the same way that some cis women love strapping on a plastic penis and pegging men.

There are trans attracted men who don’t “bottom.” These guys like being sexually aggressive. By aggressive, I mean they express “outward” motivated energies as opposed to “inward” or “receiving” motivated energies. Aggressive isn’t always negative.

There are trans attracted men who love receiving. They enjoy the pleasure of being penetrated, of giving up of themselves, and find joyful self expression in a sense of self-control so total that they can give up themselves to another and find immense satisfaction in that act.

There are trans attracted men who see transgender women as a special kind of woman. “Special” doesn’t mean odd. It is a kind of veneration. They see transgender women as capable, courageous, and powerful, able to transcend typical female archetypes and, as a result, are life-changers for themselves and their partners. William describes his wife Nikki as this kind of person. He swears his wife transformed his life in ways unimaginable.

There are trans attracted men who are activists, focusing their energies on making society more encompassing of all expressions of humanity. They are courageous people who take a lot of abuse from the women they love, fully aware of the tension existing between their love for women and the revulsion those women have for them.

There are trans attracted men who struggle with their reality. They don’t understand their trans attraction, or, do understand it but don’t want to. They are invisible and lurk in the dark, trying to avoid their attraction through alcohol, drugs or compulsive porn consumption or denial. Like the drug-addicted, they occasionally seek temporary desire-gratification through serial one-time flings or encounters with working girls, and through Craigslist hookups.

There are trans attracted men who consider themselves too old. For whatever reason, they suffer alone, fantasizing about their attraction while married, or believing their time has passed.

There are very young trans attracted men who grew up knowing and owning their trans attraction. For them they see this as normal and live their lives as though nothing is different about them or their attraction. They are blessed.

There are married trans attracted men who can’t leave their cis-wives for various reasons. They put duty and expectation ahead of personal happiness and satisfaction. A noble, if painful, choice. These guys may or may not seek similar temporary desire-gratification of the struggler, getting just enough satisfaction to keep the urge at bay so they can go on with their normal life.

In her excellent Medium article, Detransition, Desistance, and Disinformation: A Guide for Understanding Transgender Children Debates, Julia Serano describes how there “are many transsexual trajectories” in “the messy backdrop of trans realities”. The same is true for the trans attracted trajectories. For each man’s path is unique. Each one has to walk his own self-discovery, sometimes leaving collateral damage in his wake, including broken families and broken hearts.

This isn’t a sob story, but an attempt to recognize a misunderstood/mischaracterized component of the trans community narrative. If you’re a guy reading this, you’re being increasingly seen. If you’re a transgender woman reading this, it would do an immense amount of good to sit down with one of these men and have an honest, open non judgmental conversation.

The life you change could be your own.