transattraction - The Transamorous Network

June 29, 2021May 27, 2021

Trans-Attracted Men: Don’t Hate On Your Love

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy.

Dear The Transamorous Network,

I’ve been on the site and after I put a reply to the topic of being trans attracted while being married, I looked at some earlier exchanges, most notably from two cisgender women who are wives of men who are trans attracted. Their responses were striking. It made me question my place in this community because I do not share some of the sentiments. Yes, I do have the shared attraction to trans women, however I am not in a situation where my wife doesn’t fulfill my needs. Nor do I compare my wife to trans women. My attraction to trans women is just that, an attraction. I’ve noticed this about myself, however I have no desire to act on it. I also have an attraction to Asian women and have for years, however again, I have no desire to act on that either nor do I compare my wife to Asian women. I do not judge the men who feel differently and I do not consider myself any better than them, but I am beginning to question as to if this is the right community because my opinion on this matter may not be received well. I feel that some may jump to the conclusion that I may be in some moral high ground based in religion, however that couldn’t be farther from the truth because I am an Atheist and proud to be. My opinion about this topic is MY opinion and I wouldn’t want anyone to perceive that everyone should feel the same way. It’s just that I’ve been on the receiving end of comparison by someone that I’ve trust my heart to and it only adds to the self-hatred. So I totally empathize with [The women] from [the comments section] and I feel bad that they are going through what they are describing. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Austin

Dear Austin,

Thanks for your letter/email. Yes, the responses from cis women who discovered their husbands were/are trans attracted are striking. No doubt about that. That said, their comments have nothing to do with or have anything to say about whether or not you have a “place” in the “community” that is The Transamorous Network.

Just because there are divergent opinions doesn’t mean one opinion is better than the other. Nor does it mean that one opinion gets to say whether or not another opinion belongs. You have contributed greatly to the conversation and I would encourage you to continue to do so.

Who cares if somebody jumps to the conclusion that you have some sort of moral high ground? Isn’t that their story? That has nothing to do with whether you actually do or not. Or whether you believe you do or not.

What people are going through is what they’re going through. The women complaining about their husbands likely have a lot more happening than their men being trans-attracted.

What they’re going through is a result of the stories they are telling themselves. Period. There’s no doubt in my mind that both woman knew what they were getting into at some level. It may not have been conscious of it, but they knew. That’s because everyone is a match to whoever they’re meeting. If this weren’t accurate, then what I share with clients would not work.

But what I show my clients does work, 100 percent of the time. So it must be accurate that wives of trans-attracted men, at some level, knew about their husband’s trans attraction.

The fact that they are blaming their husbands just shows how much they continue concealing what they knew from themselves.

Stick around. Or not. Either way do it from an empowered place, not from feeling you must leave because others aren’t happy with what you share.

TTN

June 15, 2021May 8, 2021

When You Suspect Your Husband Is Trans-Attracted

Dear The Transamorous Network

I am married to a man who has had sexual encounters with trans women. He says it was out of curiosity and he has satisfied that curiosity but I find that hard to believe.

Later, he admitted that he thinks he may still harbor that attraction. I’m not sure how to feel about it. I have so many questions. I don’t want to push him into a conversation about it because I need him to come to terms with it without me forcing him to.

I love him very much, but I think that his attraction is not fleeting and he is only suppressing it. I haven’t made a decision on the future of our relationship since for me, there is so much more I want to know. There isn’t much information I have been able to find on these interwebs and I have no one to discuss this with since he doesn’t want anyone to know. Ladies that have experienced this, I feel your pain, but in no way do I believe his attraction to trans women is a reflection upon me. You offered to have a private conversation with another commenter and wondered if you would be willing to extend that to me as well.

Yolanda

Hey Yolanda,

Yes, anyone can contact me for a free initial conversation.

It’s awesome, and a testament to your capacity for loving, that you bring curiosity instead of judgement and anger to your husband’s struggle. It’s important that wives of trans-attracted men realize what you already know:

That trans-attraction says NOTHING about you as a female, your desirability or anything else about you. It is all about the guy.
That your husband likely has struggled with his trans-attraction for a very long time.

Both of my clients who are married, married their wives knowing full well they were trans attracted. In one case, the guy didn’t want to lose what he thought was a marvelous woman. I’m sure his wife IS marvelous, but marrying someone in fear that if you don’t, you’re going to lose them not only is scarcity thinking, it’s also extremely invalidating to the person you’re marrying. You’re not giving that person a chance to know who you really are and who – exactly – are they marrying?

Trans-attraction is serious business. It’s not something to think about casually. It’s not going to go away. Though some men – including some who contribute comments to this blog – are fine with their attraction while being married to females, most can’t handle the personal dissonance.

Scarcity thinking is rampant. Does a female (a cis-woman) really need to feel she must stick with someone who naturally isn’t attracted to her? Must a trans-attracted man really “settle” for something that doesn’t match what he is attracted to? In both cases, the answer is a resounding NO.

You can have any kind of lover you want!

No matter how long a female has been married to someone, there is always someone else coming who will love them as well or better. That’s just how the Universe works!

I don’t blame people for all the scarcity thinking though, the fear that has them act now, but then later down the line have to deal with consequences of acting in fear. Because if you don’t know how the Universe works, the world can be a very scary place. Especially in the realm of relationships.

Sounds like you don’t have those fears Yolanda. That’s why I’m eager for our conversation!

TTN

May 25, 2021May 2, 2021

Happy Stories Make Wonderful Cis-Trans Relationships

I love it when my clients send messages between sessions showing they’re putting what they learn from The Transamorous Network to practice. It’s even more fun seeing them getting awesome results.

I think any transgender woman would love loving a guy like my client DW. Recently DW met a trans girl who is a perfect match to what he’s asked for. She’s happy, smart, well spoken, hot (to him), fun, playful, and likes that he’s been totally transparent about what he wants.

Of course, that transparency comes from learning to tell positive stories, seeing results from doing that and therefore gaining confidence in being transamorous. Telling such stories, DW knows, made him a perfect match for Kim (not her real name). That’s why DW and Kim spent hours together via text, then on the phone, then on video every day early on.

“We can’t call each other spontaneously,” DW said. “Because we know we’ll spend hours together. We have to schedule our calls instead.”

Cute.

Transamory means owning one’s stories

After excitedly talking about Kim one session, DW sent a wonderful text message. The message showed not only how consciously and deliberately DW is implementing what he learned in his sessions, it shows how great the work works!

Clients learn, in session, how stories create reality. When they see evidence proving this statement true, clients, knowing what they learned, get excited. Seeing the work work is intoxicating. Especially when it comes to catching one’s old stories, doing something productive about them and seeing positive results.

Such acts also create empowerment, enthusiasm and joy where there might have been insecurity, shame, fear or frustration. DW’s text perfectly shows this in action. Check it out:

Joe catches his negative story (about himself) in action, then diffuses it like a boss!

It’s never about what it’s about

Bad behavior seems to happen in reaction to what someone observes. It might be something someone says or does, how they look, or maybe even something they don’t do that triggers bad behavior.

“Bad behavior” doesn’t have to be physical action. It can be subtle. Like DW here feeling himself pull away. You can bet at spiritual levels Kim felt that too, although she probably didn’t consciously register it.

But whenever someone “reacts” they’re not reacting to what’s happening. They’re reacting to their story about what’s happening. That’s why most people think their lives consist of random event patterns, some good, some bad, with a preponderance of one or the other. They think their life (their creation) is out of their control. So when they react they think they’re reacting to something out of their control.

When a person learns they’re creating their reality, they learn they control what happens to them. They learn to catch the “creation” early – like DW is doing above. Doing that, they realize they have far more control over their life than they thought. Including their dating life.

People literally can create any reality they want. Unless they think that’s impossible. But, “that’s impossible” is a story. A story creating realities matching it.

See how it works?

You get what you tell stories about

That’s why I say to everyone stories matter. What one thinks about is what they get whether wanted or not.

Understand this, do something about it and watch life how how well it works.

Seeing that, life gets fun. A person can’t help becoming happy. Like DW here. The more that happens, the more life will bring more things matching that happiness.

Each life is each person’s oyster. The question is what are individuals doing with their lives? For my clients, they’re creating their best lives. You can too.

May 4, 2021April 8, 2021

How To Get The Love You Want – Trans Or Trans-Attracted.

Getting the love you want is not rocket science. Getting the love you want can mean getting EVERYTHING you want in love, no compromises. But first, you must stop compromising! At The Transamorous Network we help with that.

Getting what you want means you have to be happy. That’s because, more than anything, what you want is a happy relationship. If you’re not a match to that, you can’t have it.

At The Transamorous Network we cajole people into working with us by first focusing on relationships. But we also work on everything else, especially with being happy. Because if you’re not happy, you’re a match to others who aren’t happy. If you’re complaining about what you get in relationships, you’re a match to that. You can’t get a wonderful relationship when you complain about the sucky relationship, or no-relationship, you have.

At The Transamorous Network we fix that. Then, everything else follows easily, just like Tiffany says above. You can have the relationship you want. First you have to become a match to that. At The Transamorous Network we show you how.

April 20, 2021April 20, 2021

Transgender or Trans-attracted: Life Can Work So That It’s Easy

Frustration sometimes happens when I think I’m not getting what I want. It’s frustrating only because I’m telling myself a false story: that I’m not getting what I want. I know many transgender women and trans-attracted men feel similarly.

But that’s not how reality gets created. I create reality by my attention, not by what I want. So to get what I want, I must put my attention on that.

Or, I can focus on what it feels like having what I want – even when I don’t have it – and through putting attention there, gradually tune my stories to what I want. Doing that I see what I want coming easily.

Proof tells me it’s working

Many things happened showing this working. More clients showing up, publishing deals happening, money coming into my life without me having to do anything to get it, and, yes, trans women showing up too.

I’m wanting my ideal match though, so focusing on becoming more of a match to her – that’s my primary focus as far as relationships go.

Some wonder why I don’t have a partner. Since I say this work works, shouldn’t I be in a relationship?

The answer is: I’m not in a hurry. Fine tuning my life, my way of being and my stories so I match my perfect partner – that’s my goal. Not just being in a relationship. Besides, so much fun in my life happens these days, I don’t miss her.

Power lies in that perspective. Why is that?

Because in not missing her, I’m not telling stories focusing on her absence. Knowing that makes a huge difference.

Moving through to love, joy fun

In knowing that, when moments of frustration or impatience arrive, I realize frustration and impatience helps me get what I want. They tell me where I’m putting my attention. Not knowing that, I keep getting what’s frustrating me.

Trans-attracted men suffer from frustration, impatience and sometimes even anger over not getting what they want all the time. The way out is recognizing what those emotions say, then doing something about it.

Do that, and love, joy, fun, happiness – everything we’re wanting – comes easily. And when we’re matches to love, joy, fun and happiness, then the lover we want – who also is loving, joyful and happy – must come too.

That’s how life works.