trans women - The Transamorous Network

January 7, 2025December 7, 2024

I Love When People Get It…And When People Don’t

I publish these posts weeks after I write them. That way, I don’t feel pressure to write something if I don’t want to. Invariably, however, the urge strikes. And so I find myself at my writing table.

Today is no different.

This post is about feedback I received over the last two weeks. Primarily feedback on two posts. The one about how trans women contributed to Trump winning the White House and another sharing my experience with sex with a post-op trans woman.

Not being a hypocrite, I’m going to lavish on what I want in this post, rather than dwell on what I don’t. I’m going to praise those readers who get what I’m sharing, who have benefited from reading these posts.

But I’m also going to praise those who haven’t got what I share. Including those lambasting that second post as transphobic. I am going to praise those people, because they offer grit, the grain of sand that contributes to the ongoing pearl forming in my personality oyster that unfolds as my daily life.

So in praise of both, I offer this rather brief post.

I’m pretty positive

Over the years of writing this blog, some trans women have pretty much raved about what I share. Those who get it, those primed to benefit from what I write, share their enthusiasm and satisfaction.

Some of those women engaged with me as clients. Others, haven’t, but they have reached out from time to time to share their life progress, progress happening at least partially because of what they’ve read on this blog.

I recall fondly an ongoing three-year conversation with a trans woman in the midwest somewhere, who struggled with men and career. After a couple years of focus, she wound up meeting much better men, and started her own business. One that became successful enough that she hired her mom as an employee.

Many such stories fill my memory. And there are less profound experiences that, while less profound, were no less gratifying to receive.

Recently, in response to my most recent posts (at the time of writing this), I got two examples I really, really appreciate. The first I’m sharing responds to a post I wrote after my post about the trans community helping Trump win. In that post I shared my “origin story.”

A few didn’t respond kindly to that one, but this person’s response resonates with intentions I put into that story:

Yeah. I’m pretty positive. And it seems that bright light I offer warmed the heart of this reader.

Making a difference

The post on Trump really triggered a lot of trans women. Getting triggered is unfortunate because it reveals so much more about the person getting triggered and says nothing about the thing the person is letting trigger them.

So when I got a lot of trans women pissed off about that post and the one about me having sex with a post-op trans woman, I reveled in the knowing I have about people, the Universe and how it all works. I shared some of that knowledge in responses to those people who commented negatively. On the surface what I wrote made little difference: the women just doubled-down on their triggered perspective.

But I know when that happens, such people make a connection with what I share in a powerful way. In that way, they are bound to encounter what they’ve read somewhere else in their life. Perhaps it will come in the form they can more readily digest. So I know while it looks like I made little difference, I actually made a HUGE difference.

And that’s why I’ve written so much on this blog. That and other reasons kept me coming back to my computer every week.

Comments like the one below kept me coming back too. Getting comments like this one cause all the flaming from triggered trans women to pale in comparison. Yep, some people out there get it. And it’s cool when they feel moved enough to share like this:

In praise

When a person gets triggered, the belief confrontation happening in them literally takes them over. They can’t control themselves, which is often why such people resort to name calling and even violence. So when people respond negatively in a comment, it doesn’t mean very much. They’re out of control.

But for a person to share a positive comment, something significant must happen to move them to take the time to comment. Feeling good isn’t enough. A strong resonance between the writer and the reader must happen. In other words, someone taking time to share a positive comment speaks more powerfully than someone firing off a triggered, angry offended rant.

That’s why I so appreciate when I get calls or comments, such as the ones above.

I appreciate the flames too though although sometimes it takes a while. That’s because they cause me to dig deeper into my awareness, the very same awareness that has me write these posts every week.

Maybe you can tell I’m heading somewhere. It’s a destination I expect will fulfill itself in the next two blog posts or so. Until then, I appreciate you, dear reader. Whether you get it or whether you don’t.

June 11, 2024May 6, 2024

How A Happy Transamorous Man Found Love Easily

TLDR: The author shares how a client dramatically changed as a result of the practice they advocate. Doing so, the client found satisfying relationship success with a transgender woman, thereby supporting the author’s assertion that everyone creates their reality. Including their relationship reality.

Some transgender women struggle finding a male partner. So much so they become bitter about men. Trans-attracted men struggle too. They often become bitter as well in their search for a transgender partner. Then they wallow in that, fuming silently and alone.

But not all such men struggle. Not all transgender women struggle either. Some in both parties find one another. That’s what happened with a transamorous client over the last three weeks. It was a longer story than that; one in which he came to accept himself and his desires. Doing so, he found happiness in his heart.

When that happened his external reality had to reflect that inner state. Which is exactly what we promise here at The Transamorous Network. Today he’s finding himself in a relationship with a transgender woman perfectly matching what he’s putting out: happiness, clarity and adventure.

That’s what this story today is about. It’s about his trajectory; the trajectory that had him finding a perfect match in a trans woman of his dreams. Let’s dive in!

The tyranny of Christian dogma

This guy, who I’ll call David suffered mightily because of his trans-attraction. That’s because he was also devoutly Christian. David knew as a child that something was different with him sexual orientation-wise. Christianity, however, turned that “something was different” into “you’re going to hell”. So David struggled with that awareness for many decades. Mostly because he bought into the strong momentum of belief propping up Christianity.

What’s ironic is, David inherently knew something was wrong. Not wrong about him, though. He knew something was wrong with Christian dogma. But his fear of going to hell was so strong, so real for him, he couldn’t check in with his Broader Perspective knowing that Christianity is full of distortions. Distortions that literally kill people.

So, this confounding confusion between his knowing and his fear had him bury deeper and deeper his authentic self. That’s why he ended up marrying a cisgender woman. That’s why that marriage fell apart. It’s also why, for many years, David was profoundly unhappy. Unhappy with himself. Unhappy with his job and unhappy with relationships, or, rather, the lack of them.

All this time, his authentic self eked out. He cross-dressed in private. He enjoyed “toy parties” wherein he engaged in highly-pleasurable solo ass-play. Right on the heels of that wholesome enjoyment, however, always rose the ugly heads of guilt and shame. Guilt and shame born from bogus Christian beliefs.

The Universe gives us what we’re ready for

When David came to The Transamorous Network for relief four years ago, he was profoundly troubled. So much of his life was unsatisfying. But he knew by then he couldn’t deny his trans-attraction. So he “leaned in” to it through the practice we offer.

It took four full years before David was willing to fully let go of what held him back: adherence Christian dogma. It can be hard letting go of that. Especially when, like David, you’re surrounded by people who amplify those beliefs. But last year, a dam broke in David’s consciousness. Through that break came the flood of his authenticity.

It seems like it happened over night. In two or three weeks, he went from being hesitant, to being fully committed to his authentic self. In this time he “came out” to his mom, to close friends and coworkers. He shared photos on his dating profile of him wearing women’s clothes. And he accompanied those photos with a self description acknowledging who he really is. What’s more, it also included what he really wanted, in all its glory.

“Since the universe will give me everything I want,” David said in one session. “I might as well put it out there.”

I whole heartedly agreed.

The Universe constantly gives us what we’re ready for. Not what we want. If we’re not ready for what we want, if we’re resisting it, or are afraid of it, the Universe will give us “manifestations” reflecting that resistance and fear back to us. That’s what’s happening when trans women keep meeting chasers, or violence. It’s hard to accept, but everyone creates their reality and everything in it. No exceptions.

David was realizing this. That’s why, in letting go, he found freedom and fun.

Prefect reflections

Almost immediately after embracing his authenticity — remember, this took a long time, a duration that culminated in a peak release spanning two or three weeks — David connected with three really choice trans women. They all were perfect matches, of course. The people you meet always are. So it didn’t surprise David that two of them showed him beliefs he needed to adjust. Still, those two women were pretty choice women. But the third…OMG!

The third, who I’ll call Shonda, met many of David’s criteria. She also had things about her he didn’t necessarily enjoy. For example, she’s in the middle of a significant career change since COVID disrupted what she was doing before. As such, she’s emanating energy that she’d like a partner who can provide a financial foundation for her. David has that kind of financial stability.

But he also has struggled with people asking him for money…and he giving it to them…particularly, his family members, all of whom aren’t as financially secure as he is and rely on him to bail them out when they get into financial trouble. David helps them willingly. He feels he should. They’re family after all.

But he also hates that they come to him as their first option and that they come so frequently. He says they act entitled to his money. And they don’t seem willing to do anything to change circumstances keeping them coming with their hands out.

Many relationships aren’t meant to last

Everyone we meet is a perfect match to what we’re putting out. This can be fun and adventurous to know. But when we don’t know this, meeting people, especially potential partners, can be very frustrating.

Shonda and her financial/career situation reflected back to David the exact beliefs he has about money. In that reflection, she offers him a chance to clean up those beliefs, and in so doing, if he wants, meet someone better financially situated.

This shows why every encounter with another is a stepping stone to something better. People we meet aren’t necessarily The One. They are the one we’re supposed to meet at that time. Not because they’re The One, but because they show us something we want to know about ourselves.

This is why I don’t encourage people immediately jump into relationships with the first person they attract, or even the second, third, fourth or fifth. It’s much better to use those encounters for fine tuning. Don’t do that and in a short time you’ll see why such people make lousy lovers: they weren’t meant to be your lover.

No wonder so many relationships don’t last. They’re not meant to.

The great thing with David is, he’s clear about all this now.

Missing out on a lot of fun

Because he’s clear, he sees a lot of ways Shonda serves him by reflecting back to him beliefs working against his relationship happiness. I won’t go into all of them, but suffice it to say, David is getting it.

Which is why instead of feeling “head over heels” for his relationship success, the word he kept using was “sober”. He’s “sober” about what he’s attracted. He’s aware what’s happening in this relationship and isn’t allowing superficial things – such as how pretty Shonda is – to cloud his clarity.

Clarity is such a good thing.

If more people can find what David has, relationship journeys could be far more fun than they are. But nearly everyone is so fixated on getting that partner they want, they’re suffering the whole way. Then they’re settling for something they don’t want. Or they compromise and get love, while being wistful for what they gave up…because they didn’t believe it was possible.

One of my mentors puts it plain:

When we’re not having fun, we miss out on a lot. When we think we can’t have what we want, we miss out on that too. David found a different approach. And because of that, he’s enjoying a different experience.

It’s hard to find a better frequency

There’s so much fun out in the world. Many people have been trained though to focus only on what’s “going wrong”. That’s no fun. And, that focus will only attract more of that into one’s life experience.

The opposite is true too. If a person focuses only on good things happening, that focus will attract more of that into life experience. Before long, nothing but good is happening. How can you not find happiness with a life like that?

That’s what I’ve found; so much good stuff happening and my life filled with happiness. My clients are finding it too. These days, more cisgender people are becoming clients. The vast majority of my clients are now cisgender.

I think that’s because the trans community generally wallows so strongly in negative beliefs they can’t find the frequency of what I offer. That’s ok. We’re all eternal. Living one life in chronic negative focus is insignificant compared to eternal existence that has a basis in joy.

But if you’re wanting something different than the struggles trans-attracted men and trans women so often experience, I suggest you contact me, before all my available slots fill up.

May 28, 2024April 28, 2024

When Life Results Show Me How Fun It Is Being Transamorous

TLDR: The Universe and life possess a humor reflected in the joy of alignment with All That Is. Unfortunately, people, including trans and trans-attracted individuals, often miss this fun through pessimism, especially in relationships. The author helps clients rediscover delight in love by piercing persistent negative habits, prompting an abundance of joy. The serendipitous arrival of a uniquely-named client exemplifies the delightful alignment the author promotes. Life, the author suggests, should be easy and fun, a truth we shape with our beliefs and stories.

The Universe enjoys a sense of humor. It’s one reason why mirth feels so good. In mirth, we’re aligned with All That Is.

Life is a component of All That Is. Life too, enjoys a sense of humor. Just look at all those Instagram videos featuring animals in their natural habitat being playful. Life likes fun.

The same holds for humans. That is, unless humans block their connection to all of life’s fun. They do that by adopting pessimistic attitudes on a variety of subjects.

Trans people and trans-attracted people do this a lot. The subjects they tend to do it on the most are each other: trans women bash the men who naturally find them attractive. Trans-attracted men bash the women they want most to be with.

The result is, the fun of dating becomes a chore. It becomes torture. Each side becomes bitter. And their dream of love eludes them. I help such people rediscover the fun in love and in life. It’s not easy piercing their persistent pessimistic habits. But eventually they give way.

Then the clients find what I have found. They find what they’ve been missing. Then they get what they want. That’s fun watching.

More clients equals more abundance

But life offers even more fun than that. And when we tap in to that, our lives become more fun too. I am enjoying a lot of fun in my life. I write about them in this blog often. They include seemingly “random” or “coincidental” rendezvous with trans women. But hose incidences aren’t random. Nor are they coincidental. They happen because I don’t resist my transamory. So the Universe matches me with these lovely moments that surprise and delight me.

So when life served me once again with yet another wonderful, humorous manifestation, I felt the humor, the surprise and the delight in that too. The “coincidence” of what happened was so perfect, I couldn’t help but enjoy the unfolding.

What happened wasn’t about meeting another trans woman. It was about how I manifested yet another client on the Positively Focused side of my client practice. In fact, more and more clients are showing up. That’s consistent with what I’ve written about over and over: the Universe showers us with abundance. Abundance of all kinds. All we need to do is line up with that. Then, it’s ours.

The best abundance though is that aligned with what we’re wanting to see. When that happens, we feel delight. Then we get even more of what we’re wanting. And that “more” comes in greater abundance. Which explains why more clients are showing up.

Now let’s take a look at that lovely “coincidence”.

A playful “coincidence”

One weekend recently, while working on a blog post, a funny thing happened. I was writing a paragraph explaining the story of Pollyanna. That’s when I got an email notification. My calendaring app notified me a new client scheduled a free Positively Focused 1:1.

I clicked over to the email and, what do you know! The new client’s name was…wait for it…Pollyanna!

What’s interesting about this person is how much of a natural she is to the practice. Like everyone, life caused her to conclude in ways unhelpful for living a Charmed Life. But the fact that she’s found her way to this practice was no coincidence. She’s taking to it quite quickly, which is something I like seeing in clients.

This client’s rapid resonance with the practice foretells promise. A promise that results people like this client will produce will create ripples of goodness through their lives and the world at large.

It’s no surprise then that one client’s “ripples” include her daughter, and now her son, both becoming clients. Another client’s best friend recently became a client. So did her husband! This practice must really work!

Finding something different

The fact that Pollyanna came to me perfectly timed as I wrote that paragraph doesn’t escape me. Seriously, how many “Pollyannas” are out there? I see this as a spectacular indication of my own alignment. That and all the other wonderful things happening in my life. Including the lovely incidents of meeting trans women.

I love it when life reveals to me things proving how fun and easy life is. Life can be this way for everyone, including trans and trans-attracted people. In fact, it IS this way for everyone. If we’re not experiencing that, it’s only because we’ve overlaid bogus beliefs on what’s really happening.

It’s not that those bogus beliefs aren’t “true”. All beliefs, believed long enough will produce realities consistent with them, thus proving “true”. But the question is: is that truth something you want? I say, create better “truths”. How? By telling better stories that eventually become better beliefs.

Our Charmed Life is continually unfolding. I love seeing my clients discovering this, then aligning their life experience to that. Maybe you’re ready to do the same?

April 16, 2024April 18, 2024

Do Americans Really Hate Trans People Now?

TLDR: The author argues that perceptions among transgender people that Americans hate trans people are skewed by radicalized views and such conclusions lack nuance. Research suggests support for trans people is increasing in the United States, especially among young, progressive Americans, with the majority of Americans favoring protection for transgender individuals.

I read a story on Medium recently that took the United States to task for hating transgender people. It’s author recently listened to a podcast series about parents navigating difficulties they face as parents of trans kids.

What happened here is instructive. The author took a country of over 300 million people and reduced every person into transphobic bigots. How she got to that conclusion shows how powerful stories create reality. Her example also shows why it’s a terrible idea to look at things that make us feel shitty.

Let’s take a look at what happened here so we can learn from the wonderful gift this author gave us. Then, let’s look at what really is happening with American’s views about transgender people.

Radicalization: it’s not a good look

So the author, who is trans, listened to what supposedly is a supportive podcast for those with trans kids. I’m not including a link to it, or to the author’s post, because I prefer offering empowering and supportive content. Not content that radicalizes people. Especially content that doesn’t appreciate the bigger picture. A bigger picture that screams: Hey! The world is getting better and better for transgender people!

Apparently, according to the Medium author, the United States is an “ocean of hate” and this podcast represents an island of queer positivity. And yet, according to the author, the podcast focuses on how these parents are “terrified”, “worried” and “concerned” about the lives of their trans kids.

How is terror, worry and concern positive?

The deeper into her article we get, the more it becomes clear that the Medium author lost perspective. Binging the podcast got her all riled up. What’s really interesting is, in her article she critiques the United States as a hatred-filled radicalized “banana republic” while at the same time expressing views herself which border on hate. Views which are way off the mark about what is really happening in the United States.

In other words, she allowed the podcast to radicalize her beliefs. And in her radicalization she has become the very thing she’s attacking: someone who allowed herself to adopt a drastically skew perspective of what’s really going on. Then she lashed out with judgements about people she doesn’t know.

Transphobic people are doing the exact same thing.

Radicalization is not a good look. It doesn’t matter if liberals or conservatives do it. It doesn’t matter if transphobes or transgender people do it. It’s the same. It’s disempowering, and it’s ugly.

Is America An Ocean of Hate?

But more importantly, radicalization backfires. It turns the radical into a parody of him or herself. And, taken to the extreme, it tends to get a lot of people hurt. Often that includes the radical. Every mass shooter is a radical. So is every suicide bomber.

That’s enough about the article and the podcast. Let’s instead now look at what “America” really thinks about transgender people. This is going to be interesting…

For a more balanced look, let’s turn to Pew. Pew is a leading research firm. It gathers public opinion on almost everything. Including opinions Americans have about the transgender phenomena. What did Pew find in their research? Well, like I wrote above, it’s interesting:

Most [Americans] favor protecting trans people from discrimination, even as growing share say gender is determined by sex at birth.
Pew Research

Here’s what that looks like in a graphical breakdown:

Yes, people are still stuck thinking a person is a man or woman as determined by sex assigned at birth. But you know what almost totally is to blame for that? SCIENCE. That’s right! Science has convinced people there is nothing beyond physical reality. And most people swallow that crap hook, line, and sinker. So they believe sex and gender is a physical construct. It’s not.

Sex and gender are determined well before birth. And that determination is A CHOICE.

Cultures that pre-date science knew better, as many trans people know. That’s why Hijras and two-spirit people have been things far longer than modern civilization, to mention two examples.

Youth change reality

Meanwhile, as old, crusty farts holding to conservative views die off, young people’s attitudes are more closely matching a more nuanced view of transgender people. Their views also promise better futures for such people. Look at this, for example, which also is from Pew:

In other words, in America, the younger the American you ask, the more supportive that person will likely be. Moreover, politically progressive people lean more supportive as well.

So where are these radical, hating, transphobic Americans? Is America really an “ocean of hate”?

These data seem to debunk the assertion. Just ten percent of Americans express strong opposition or just opposition to the transgender phenomenon. That means LESS THAN TEN PERCENT “strongly” oppose. Meanwhile, an overwhelming 64 percent of Americans STRONGLY FAVOR or FAVOR protecting transgender people. It seems, then, that America is an ocean comprising a majority of tolerance, acceptance and support. “Hate” is an exception to the American norm.

Let’s look at another source

Ipsos is another polling agency. Last year, they conducted a poll of Americans on the transgender issue. That poll showed strong disinterest among Americans for having trans women, for example, compete in women’s sports competitions. But other results they found are consistent with Pew’s.

On providing gender-affirming medical care, for example, Ipsos found an overwhelming majority of Americans support such policies. Read that headline below carefully. It’s not written very well in my opinion:

A better headline would have been “The majority of Americans SUPPORT GIVING trans youth gender-affirming care”. Here’s another Ipsos graph presenting the same information. It may be easier to understand. An interactive one can be found on the NPR website. You’re wanting to look at totals representing the “opposed” categories.

It’s getting better!

What shall we take away from all this? Well, first, your stories (beliefs) matter. They shape your reality. They also determine your behavior. The Medium author’s radicalized beliefs caused her to write a way inaccurate story about the United States. And that happened because she listened to a “supportive”, “positive” podcast for parents of trans youths.

Stories/beliefs also attract to us evidence that will tell us our stories/beliefs are “true” . So if we think the world is terrible for trans people, that’s what we’re going to see. But that doesn’t mean that’s the whole story.

Sure, there are those who hate what trans people represent. Those people are frightened by what they see. Trans people confront their long-held beliefs. But that’s not your problem! Indeed, no trans person need encounter such people. Not if they don’t want to.

One of my mentors putting it plain. Those who hate you hate out of their own suffering.

The problem is, a lot of trans people want to encounter them. They don’t intentionally want to. But their beliefs, choices and actions cause them to encounter such people. Some do it because they believe they’re changing the world. That’s great. But others do it while not knowing they’re doing it.

What we resist persists! What we complain about we get more of! If we stop putting attention on the tiny minority of people out there living their lives in deep pain, those people will gradually self-select themselves out of our experience.

And, if we put our attention on all that’s going great for trans people, we’ll see more of that. Then we’ll feel better about life. We’ll feel better about OUR lives. And when that happens, our lives WILL GET BETTER.

That’s how the Universe works.

Don’t believe me, try it

Now, you may think you have enough evidence to prove what you just read wrong. That just proves my points! Don’t take my word(s) for evidence! Test it out! The Universe will prove it to you! That’s guaranteed because that’s how the Universe works.

It continuously wants us to know life can be as great as we want it. That’s why, when we focus on things we think are “going wrong” we feel bad. We feel bad because that feeling tells us we’re not looking at the world the way we couldlook at it. And, as a result of looking at it the way we could, we could feel better. And then have a better life.

If you try it, if you try looking for evidence of everything going right, evidence will show itself to you. But you must know where to look to see it. Otherwise, you miss it. I can help you not miss it. Let’s chat.

March 26, 2024February 14, 2024

What Happens When My Advice Inspires A Man To Write A Book!

TL/DR The writer shares an inspiring encounter with a man who left his marriage to live authentically and appreciate trans women. Encouraged by the writer’s message, the man is now writing a book about his experience. The writer believes such men are making a difference and urges trans women to focus on the positive, giving up negativity and anger.

I enjoyed an hour-long conversation with a guy this morning. He’s writing a book about his trans-attraction-to-transamory journey. His is a wonderful story of leaving his marriage in favor of living authentically. Living authentically meant enjoying a nice relationship with a trans woman. A relationship he’s currently in.

He said the main reason he began his journey was because of my post “How to embrace your trans-attraction and be married”. I feel appreciation that one of my passions is changing the lives of trans-attracted men (and, by extension, trans women) for the better.

As a result of sharing my passion, this guy now feels his passion too. His passion and appreciation for trans women he feels no shame about. Because of that, this guy, Brian, is now writing a book about his experience. A book I’m sure will help make the world a better place for trans women. I feel honored I played a part in that.

Men are doing their part

I always knew living my passion would change the world. I’m excited about Brian’s choice. He’s going to change the world too.

Many trans women complain that if men would step up, the world for trans women would improve. They talk about all the men on the DL. Men living in the shadows, shamefully hiding their trans-attraction. Meanwhile, I’ve been out for at least five years proudly, publicly sharing my transamory experience. Another man wrote a book about this trans attraction some time ago. Many men are out on social media proclaiming aloud their attraction. And now, here’s another man doing his part by writing yet another book.

In other words, the men are doing their part.

The initial exchange between Brian and I.

Not enough men, you say? There are enough though. Not all of them are writing books. Not all of them are writing blogs or sharing on social media. Some are just dating trans women. Many are doing their parts by becoming comfortable in their own skin. That’s the process. In everyone contributes in their own way.

However, if trans women keep complaining about their complaints, they can’t see the world getting better. They can’t see the men doing their part either. And yet the men are.

Get over the anger and pessimism

And that’s the rub. Life is nothing but a series of moments. And each moment adds to the next. Which is why, if you’re complaining about something, your in-the-now complaint adds to the next moment, creating an experience of more to complain about. Especially in love.

I suggest trans women focus on all the things going right in the world. I talk about them all day long in this blog. Trans-attracted men should do the same. Do that and both parties will find themselves meeting positive, high-quality potential mates. People who see the world getting better. People eager to enjoy life with someone who is positive.

Which is why I work with people. People experience a lot of things in life encouraging pessimism. That’s because pessimism sells. A lot of people make a lot of money keeping you angry, in other words. Meanwhile, a lot of other angry people are looking for people like you. And so you meet such people in your life.

Give up negative judgement. Give up being angry too. When you do, you’ll find yourself getting more of what you want. And less of what you don’t. While you’re learning to do that, I can help.