Tag: Trans-attraction

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Trans-Attraction And Divorce: It Doesn’t Have to Suck

Trans-attraction can break up a marriage, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Trans-attraction can break up a marriage, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing.

My divorce and what happened next convinces me that stories create reality. Being trans attracted and married to a cis-woman can be painful for everyone. My marriage was no exception. But it also created the best circumstances for me which transformed my life for the better.

This is an awesome story about how I created my way out of a marriage inconsistent with who I was and into a life of happy authenticity, not only as a transamorous guy, but also as someone who positively benefits the world.

This story comes in three parts. Part one shares the awesome story of my divorce. Part two describes what happened next. Part three shows how I have created a whole new reality, one in which I focus all my time and joy on doing things I love, instead of working a job with a boss, a paycheck and the 9 – 5 grind.

Part one: the best divorce ever

I enjoyed being married because it forced me to focus on the only place unconditional love comes: from myself. Yes for a little while I struggled, but not with my trans-attraction. I was clear about that. What I struggled with were my own stories and expectations about relationships, love and belonging.

I married my wife even though she was looking to be with a woman and I was looking to be with a transgender woman. She said I was the answer to a spiritual process she completed in her church. Though we both knew what each other wanted was different than what we represented to each other, we married anyway.

To me, we didn’t marry for love. Our marriage was about spiritual growth.

My wife and I met online. After some months, it was obvious something was there. A sense of togetherness existed, but not really romance. It was a deeper connection, one more difficult to express, but not to experience.

My wife had many problems born of her family of origin, problems I believe she came into reality to become more through. I saw these and wanted to do my part, to play my role in that process. That’s why I married her.

We passed through the first few months in heady fantasy. I ignored obvious trouble signs, both coming from her and me. For my part, trouble felt like not being able to talk with her about my attraction because her issues dominated our relationship “air time”.

After the “honeymoon”, life together started showing stress.

I won’t go into details

That would be too long a post. One day I lay in bed contemplating my next moves after a failed start-up investment. My wife came in the bedroom, looked at me and said “you know, you’re not attractive when you’re moping around like this. Maybe you should spend more time with Law of Attraction.”

At the time I showed interest in that, but a passing interest at best. I didn’t really believe it. This was over five years ago. Little did I know my wife’s prodding began the best time of my life (so far) and that Law of Attraction would play a big part.

Not only did I heed my wife’s urgings, I dove head-first into it. I read Law of Attraction books, but only books written by the person who coined the term. Then I started studying works from Seth and Jane Roberts. Later, I encountered Ayahuasca, the plant medicine originating from Peru and now known around the world as a powerful antidote to trauma and other psychological issues. It also opens consciousness to enlightened wisdom and more.

And oh boy! Mother Ayahuasca didn’t disappoint!

Then came a series of high profile experiences with Law of Attraction, which I’ll write about much later.

Positively stories: the turning point

Many, many high profile experiences happened over ensuing years which, I think, caused my wife to feel jealous and resentful about what was happening. I don’t blame her, it was part of the process. But her resentment and my frustration in marriage widened the gap growing between her and I as I moved more towards my authenticity and she moved towards what she wanted. We both wanted different things, with different people. Our relationship gaped like the Mariana Trench.

Being Positively Focused allows even arguments to be a good thing.
Photo by Alexander Redmon from FreeImages

Our non-existent sexual relationship dissatisfied her too. I ignored her dissatisfaction along with her complaints. We were well past the point of resolving that incompatibility.

Remember, we both knew I was trans-attracted and she was seeking a woman. There were no surprises in this arena. She complained about it more and more, though, I guess believing her complaints could resolve this fundamental difference. She complained to her friends and family. People who would hear her out. Over time, they convinced her that staying in the relationship was a bad idea.

Things got worse and worse (or better and better) for us both. Following specific instruction from all my sources – Aya, Abraham, Seth, and my own personal trinity – I interacted with her less and less. I told none of my friends or family what was happening, because I know sharing with others causes others to give their (mostly inaccurate) opinions about what is happening.

At one point, she invited me to an open marriage. I knew giving me permission tacitly gave her permission, which is what she really wanted. No biggie, I thought, it was a step in our marriage’s final countdown. As she found a semblance of sexual satisfaction from other men and I focused more on my Inner Being relationship, things came more and more to the wonderful outcome I didn’t expect, but at the same time I felt loomed.

An un-refusable offer

Finally, she gave me an ultimatum. I had to move out of her home where we lived. I wasn’t surprised. But I also hadn’t prepared at all for it. I had a small amount of money and no stable income. I had no place to live and roughly three weeks to find one. I had no car and very little other possessions.

But I was happy.

More happy than I had been in a long time. Even facing divorce, with few human friends and little else, I was happy and I had my Inner Being. I knew that’s all I needed.

By the time she gave her ultimatum, I knew anything was possible. I looked forward to that possibility along with great eagerness. Leaving my wife, at her strong suggestion, launched me on the glorious positive path on which I find myself today.

The next stop: creating an income source.

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Your Trans Attraction Is Never An “Addiction”

The Transamorous Network
The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our Transamorous Network readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

I’m in a straight relationship with my partner, although I found out I was attracted to “trans” before we got together. I told her in the early stages of our relationship and it was almost laughed off and dismissed.

Unfortunately, I went behind my partner’s back on one or two occasions years into the relationship and it confirmed my “fetish” with trans women. I didn’t want to enjoy it but I found out I loved it. It was exciting, different and turned me on but it was just fun.

My partner did find out and I came clean, we had counseling and she came around. I completely love my partner 100 percent, but desires took hold and I lost complete control of myself and my emotions.

In the end, she came with me to meet a trans woman and enjoyed watching me have fun. She knows I am completely in love and committed to her in a daily and family life and has accepted who I am, what I like and we can now be completely open without lies or deceit.

I am very lucky to be able to be myself, I am able to have an intimate relationship with my partner who is absolutely amazing and also satisfy my desires.

I think the best way to understand a person who is attracted to trans is to go with them and see what it’s all about. In doing so, people may see what it is for real rather, than what they think it might be in their heads, which makes more out of it than there needs to be.

For men, and speaking for myself, sex is just sex. A realease of the stresses of day to day life and a time out to enjoy some variety.

I hope any partners of “trans addicts” reading this can look at it from a different angle and realize that it’s not the end of the world. [It] is in no way your fault and you have no inadequacies.

People can’t be put in boxes and conform to expected social norms, we’re human, not robots.

Jason.

Hey Jason,

The most important thing you’ve talked about is the relief you feel and the willing acceptance your partner now experiences. Congratulations for finding that. Just a couple more perspectives we want to offer, mainly for others who might read your comment.

An entire industry surrounds the word “addiction”. Lots of money goes back and forth as people contend with what they think that word describes.

Desires are good. They are not “addictions”. Attraction is good. It is not an “addiction”. Love is good too and it is not restricted to just one person.

It’s great you love your partner and are committed to them. But that doesn’t mean you couldn’t experience that same love and commitment with a transgender woman. Often, men think that’s not possible because they are caught up in their “fantasy”, which is really just a future reality they can’t have, because they don’t believe having it is possible. It is possible, but many men don’t believe it is. So they don’t experience that.

Choosing obligation over joy

We’re going to presume your partner feels better about your attraction because they now see it doesn’t threaten what they get from you being in their life. Maybe they were telling stories about you leaving, what that would mean to them and others involved, and the havoc they think that would create. Such stories can be tremendously painful. That’s obvious in some of the comments in this thread. Now that these have been soothed in your partner (through counseling) they no longer cause your partner discomfort that comes with telling such stories. Again, that’s a good thing.

And yet, men (and women) often get themselves into situations that are hard to get out of. Their stories about life, children, family, societal obligations and more keep them in situations, even though some (not all) may not want to continue in them. We’re not saying this is you Jason, or your partner.

We’re saying many men and women in similar situations (with wives and families) feel a righteous obligation to remaining in these situations because society, family upbringing and other “authorities” have convinced them not to “go against” what they’ve learned.

Some people are uncomfortable or unfamiliar with the adventure, the joy and that “what’s next!” of creating life experience. They’re unaware that they can have any life they want. So they settle into lives of stability, adherence and compliance because the rambunctious life-as-their-creation, that they came to have, feels so foreign. We’re not denigrating such decisions. They can impede, however, the natural, wholesome desire-for-more that is inherent in all consciousness. Trans attraction is a dimension of this.

Sounds like you and your partner found enough relief in balancing your attraction and your desire to stay in your situation so you can stay there AND be happy. That’s good.

Sex isn’t just sex

Although it can be seen as release, it is much more than that, and to call it “just sex” significantly diminishes its wonder and meaning. But again, if you find “release” in it, go for it, because that feeling is crucial to getting what you want. Whether you call it “relief” or “release” those emotions mean something important. Feeling them is even more important.

Back to “addicts”: That’s a significant, negative and loaded word for what really is a natural, wholesome desire. The reason trans-desire feels so strong, sometimes compellingly so, is because the desire itself, and the joy derived in its fulfillment, is something you know, at the core of who you are, will fulfill an aspect of who you are.

In doing so, in fulfilling it, you also transform, inform and altogether make worldly experience more enjoyable for those with whom you come into contact with. You’ll also expand the nature of what it means to be human. All these are worthy results of pursuing desires. And they line up with what everyone comes into the world to experience: desire fulfillment.

Every desire is meant to be (and is) fulfilled.

We do not encourage trans-attracted people to see their attraction as anything less than that: a wholesome desire wanting to be fulfilled. For in its fulfillment will emerge wonderful more, joy, fun and happiness for all involved. All that happens, but that doesn’t mean everyone involved will experience it.

As we say everywhere in our content: stories are powerful. They can block what is really happening. That’s always temporary though. The pain and anguish expressed by ex wives whose ex-husbands owned their trans-attraction and thus divorced them, doesn’t have to be these people’s reality.

We know it’s hard knowing that when you’re in the thick of the suffering. But suffering doesn’t mean the joy is not available. It’s just that joy isn’t one’s experience when one tells stories that are not aligned with joy.

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A Transgender Woman Gets An Amazing Life Experience, Including Cash!

Photo by Amanda Jones on Unsplash

Editors note: This true story comes from a transgender client who is six months into their 1:1 membership. It shows how telling positive stories transforms every part of life, making it fun and joyful. Note how every step of the way leads to more and better results. Every day is like this when you tell increasingly positive stories. Italicized paragraphs have been added for context.

My mom and I are moving. She can’t get her beloved grand piano into the new house we’re moving into, she’s going to have to sell it, and buy an upright piano. She contacted a specialist who came and valued it at £5000, but from that, he said he would take commission and the cost of restoration.

This didn’t seem right to me and I had the thought “I’m sure this piano is worth more.”

A story is nothing more than a thought or a belief you’re thinking at any moment. Learning how to tie your stories to how you feel can lead to incredible life experiences. This client understood how to tie her stories to her emotions. What happened next happened because she knows what to do when a positive story comes to her.

Positive stories makes connections clear

So a few days later I was shopping in my favourite wholefood and organic cleaning and beauty products shop. It is run by Jess – a friendly and enterprising South African man who I’ve always felt an attraction to.

I went in there to buy some cheap little Christmas gifts and got chatting as I normally do. Somehow the topic of music came up and he revealed that in a former life he had been a master Piano restorer, technician and salesman for the prestigious Kensington piano company in London.

He also revealed that he had left because of the underhand way piano businesses operate, and he had gone solo, building up an extensive and prestigious client base, including royalty, Yoko Ono and the Royal Academy of music in London.

Notice the tie between her previous experience with the former piano business operator and this former one. Note how connected the two experiences were…

It’s worth a lot more

I told him about my mum’s piano and after a few questions he said to me “I’m sure it’s worth a lot more.” I asked him if he would come and value it for a fee.

Knowing that I was also in the music business, he said to me “well I know everything there is to know about acoustic pianos. But I’m in the market for a vintage Fender Rhodes or Wurlitzer piano, and I know nothing about electric pianos. If you could get me a good electric piano from the 70s era, I’ll come and do the valuation for free.”

I put a post on Facebook, and within an hour or two my uncle, who happens to run a piano tuning and keyboard hire business, contacted me to let me know he had one available. I’ve put Jess and my uncle in contact and it turns out they both worked with the same piano restorer colleague many years ago.

Whenever two people come together, it’s always for mutual benefit. Whether trans-attracted or transgender, when you meet someone, mutual benefit always takes place. That doesn’t mean you experience the benefit, even though it did happen. In most situations, people miss benefits they got. It’s easy to see the benefits though when you know how stories create reality.

It gets better…

Two days ago Jess came and valued my mum’s piano and has already found a buyer for it for £10,000, double the original valuation. No need for restoration, and no commission.

Because this client waited and let the Universe orchestrate her outcomes, she got a wonderful, delightful outcome….but it did get better…

This morning I picked up the Wurlitzer from my uncle who happened to be in London on a piano tuning job … Jess and my uncle have not yet spoken about money, however Jess told me that he has some very lucrative business opportunities and propositions for my uncle.

When I picked up the keyboard this morning, my uncle asked me what price he should sell it for. I gave him my opinion but added he might want to consider Jess’s business proposition before charging him anything at all. If he gives you some really lucrative work, I said, maybe you’d like to give him the keyboard for free. He agreed.

The keyboard comes without legs. One or two Facebook posts later, I had sourced same exact model legs and could be in receipt of them within days. My plan is to give them to Jess for free. They only cost about £200, but we are making an extra £5000 on the basis of his goodwill.

So Jess gets to pass on his business and he gets a free keyboard. We get a free valuation and double our money! And I get to broker satisfaction for everyone!

Yippeee!

This client’s life increasingly includes, on the daily, experiences like this. Your life happens this way too. Want to learn to see your life that way? Contact us.

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A Great Life Is Created By Happy Stories

Here’s a series of stories I tell often as a transamorous person. They’re why I experience a consistent happy life.

These stories create life experiences consistent with what I want, while keeping experiences I don’t want from finding me. It’s like magic, or a spell, but it’s not that. It’s just what happens when I focus on good-feeling stories. You can do this too. Try these. See what happens. You know they’re working when you feel good.

  • I like choosing to tell positive stories
  • I like choosing to tell positive stories instead of letting what is going on around me to choose the stories I tell
  • I like that
  • I like how that felt coming up with that story
  • Choosing what story to tell instead of letting what is going on choose my story for me feels good
  • It feels good deliberately telling positive stories
  • It feels good feeling how good it feels when I choose to tell positive stories especially when I focus on positive things to tell stories about
  • I like telling positive stories
  • This feels good telling stories about about things that feel good
  • I like stories that feel good
  • I like knowing when I tell positive stories I’m being my positive stories
  • I really like knowing this when things appear to not be working out
  • I really like choosing to know it’s going right when it feels like it’s going wrong
  • That’s a positive story
  • I like knowing that negative emotion is a positive thing
  • I appreciate what I feel because it tells me what story I’m telling
  • I can choose anything that feels better, talk about that and in time feel better
  • I know when I do that I’m telling positive stories
  • I know I’ve done that by how good I feel
  • I’m feeling good now telling all these positive stories
  • I like doing this, especially in the morning
  • Now I’m ready for today
  • Today is ready for me
  • It’s going to be a good day
  • It already is.
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Being Transamorous Can Be Delightful

Transamorous people can live happy lives.
Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

It’s fun watching my life shape to my stories. It feels wonderful seeing my positive stories legitimize themselves by creating realities consistent with them. The same thing happens with my Transamorous Network clients.

I know all stories do that, of course. Any story told long enough will draw to the storyteller evidence proving the story “true”. When enough evidence gets created, the story no longer is a story. It becomes reality, then a belief. The belief fades into the background of awareness, and life becomes “how it is.”

That’s accurate to say for any story, any thought, that has become a belief. Which is why I don’t concern myself with people who disagree with me about what I share.

Plenty of people out there think “you create your reality through your stories” is hogwash. But they don’t understand the preceding paragraphs. They don’t know their story “it’s hogwash” became a belief long ago, is out of their awareness now that it has become a belief, and attracts evidence of its “truth”.

That’s why I don’t spend time trying to convince someone “you create your reality through your stories.”

Unless they’re a Transamorous Network client. 😊

Transamorous Network clients are different

A client is open. They’re willing to consider new possibilities. They want to believe. Their frustration over their trans-attraction compels them to be open. That makes seeing around existing beliefs more likely. 

What I love about what I do with my clients is this: It’s easy for me to say “you create your reality through your stories” and point to my life, as full of evidence as it is. But it’s also easy for people seeing that evidence to dismiss it.

But as more clients come to The Transamorous Network, and create extraordinary lives as my current clients are, it gets harder and harder to deny that something special is happening.

All my clients are extraordinarily excited about their lives. They’re engaged and happy. They’re having fun discovering what I’ve discovered. And in their discovery I find joy too.

Client work then becomes play, a win-win for both parties. My clients enjoy Charmed Lives. I enjoy watching that. And I grow a larger and larger, undeniable body of evidence that being transamorous can be not only fun, but joyfully filled with fulling desires.