mtf - The Transamorous Network

April 27, 2021April 27, 2021

Transgender and Trans-Attracted: This Creates Better Futures

As Transamorous Network clients get how important their stories are, they also learn something crucial for living amazing lives: how to identify intrusive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are ideas popping up seeming unbidden. They are intuitions which, if followed, lead to everything someone wants.

But if a person doesn’t know how to tune themselves to intrusive thoughts, or they don’t understand where intrusive thoughts come from, life can get pretty crazy, including dating life. That crazy is where “drama” in relationships comes from.

Here’s how to put a stop to that and meet the guy or transgender woman you want.

Intrusive thoughts come from somewhere

Where intrusive thoughts come from is important, because if you don’t know where they’re coming from and you follow them, they could create experiences you don’t want, including drama.

Everyone creates their reality. Most people get a little of what they want and a lot of what they don’t. That’s because they don’t understand what you’re reading.

For example, a trans-attracted man who feels shame about his trans attraction will encounter realities in which the only transgender women he meets match his shame.

They (the transgender women) will be users, or they’ll consider him shady or a “chaser”. They themselves will be insecure and shame-filled (i.e. feeling unworthy) thereby perfectly matching the man’s feelings about himself.

In this humorous clip, a transgender woman gets an earful in her session as we talk (for the first time) about intrusive thoughts. It’s worth listening to because she gets several insights at once, all in less than five minutes.

Everyone is a match

This is why I’m not so interested in meeting transgender women right now. Because while I’m far beyond soothing negative stories that create shame, I want far more in my relationship than an average experience.

I want an extraordinary experience. Having that means I must be a match to it. I must, in other words, become extraordinary myself.

Everyone showing up in our lives matches stories we’re telling ourselves. Those stories determine what impulses, what intrusive thoughts come into our awareness. Our emotions help us know whether to follow an intrusive thought or not. So knowing how one feels is really important.

I know two things tell me how my life is going: what shows up in life now and how I feel.

Paying attention to that helps me understand what intrusive thoughts are coming and whether or not I want to follow them. Following those consistent with my positive stories is creating an increasingly amazing life.

It can work that way for you too.

February 2, 2021January 9, 2021

How To Be Transgender And Have It all

Editor’s note: In this series, we share emails we get at The Transamorous Network. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy.

Dear Transamorous Network,

We’ve messaged a few times via email and had a couple stories published to The Transamorous Network website. My confidence has been doing great, I’ve really learned to love my body and accept the men that love my body too. It has done wonders for my day to day life and self image, I feel so at home and happy in my body.

Recently I was in my best friends wedding, and I discovered the groom outed me to his groomsmen prior to the wedding so that they wouldn’t make any passes on me. I didn’t find this out until after, but it makes a lot of sense now that I look back at it.

[The groomsmen] were very stand offish and distant towards me, would hardly make eye contact when trying to talk to them, but there were moments I would catch them definitely checking me out, in which they would look away as soon as I’d notice.

I’m 25, pass as cis and get told I’m pretty. All of my friends around me are off getting married, moving in with their significant others, having families etc. I want marriage and babies more than anything, and I try so hard to remain positive and optimistic.

But I feel like I’m still stuck in this place where I’m forbidden fruit, as seen by what happened in recent events. Online dating is horrible by I still try, but when it comes to real life situations I’m almost always overlooked because other men will out me to their friends and won’t let them decide for themselves whether they’re into me or not.

It sets the standard of “oh I can look but I can’t touch (because heaven forbid people think I’m gay)” It’s like I automatically come with a warning label.

I wish this attitude towards trans women wasn’t perpetuated, it makes me feel like I’m never going to have the life that I want because things like this keep happening which leave me feeling discouraged. I know everyone’s timeline is different, but I don’t want to be starting a family at 40 or older.

I’m trying to remain positive and not feel defeated, this is just a small bump in the road and I will move on from it. How should I go about situations like this in the future?

Best,
Janice

Hi Janice!
Nice to hear from you. Glad to hear your confidence is doing great. It’s easy having confidence when you see your life match positive stories you’re telling. There’s nothing contrary to the premise that your stories create your reality. Your life MUST match ANY story you tell. So why not tell positive ones?

All that said, you’ve got some problems with your stories! LOL.

The first two lines of your email are great. But most of the rest you wrote tells us you still have strong stories creating realities you don’t like. One of the last lines of your email is really important because thinking it, and writing it, makes it almost certain you WILL start a family at age 40!

You must change all these stories. When you do, you’ll find yourself experiencing none of what you wrote here, and more of what you want.

If you “feel” like you’re “forbidden fruit” then you get a reality matching that. If your online dating experience sucks, that should be telling you something…

You’ve already experienced the accuracy of what we share though The Transamorous Network. You’re feeling “confident”, you learned to “love your body” and you’re accepting men who love your body the way it is.

You’re seeing how that’s working “wonders” for your day to day self image and you feel “at home and happy in your body”. You also say you pass as cis and are told you’re pretty. You should accentuate these stories and stop talking (and thinking) about everything else in the email you wrote.

How to get everything you want: Ignore reality

When something like what happened at that wedding happens, you must IGNORE it. Putting your attention on it just brings you more of that.

Instead, make up other reasons about why those men were stand-off -ish. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s true or not, it matters that it changes your attitude about what happened.

You want to feel as positive about that experience as you do about how confident, passable and comfortable in your body you are. Then, if you hold to that feeling, you will see your dating situation match that feeling.

We would not use online dating to meet guys. It’s too easy to create negative stories about meeting your mate that way. Besides, it’s more fun this way.

Also…you’re still REALLY young. You have plenty of time. But thinking you don’t is problematic. You tighten up, get anxious, then try to “find” the guy you’re to be married with. The problem with that approach is, YOU CAN’T FIND HIM.

So stop trying. Let go. Have fun. Make up positive reasons for why men don’t approach you. Celebrate those reasons. Then watch what happens! You will have it all!

TTN

December 22, 2020December 21, 2020

Happiness Is Getting What I Want

I know what I want, when I get it, makes me happy. I also know when I’m happy I set up more future happy moments.

But since every time I get what I want, I am happy, I can just be happy, even when I’m not getting what I want.

I can be happy now, no matter what is happening.

This is the basis of our work at The Transamorous Network. I know when I put my happiness first, by telling stories about my life that make me happy, I put myself on a path to living a happy life. That’s because a happy life looks like feeling happy in every moment.

What happens in my life, when I’m not deliberate about choosing happiness, determines how I feel. But life doesn’t have to be that way. I can turn it around. I can choose to be happy, no matter what I’m experiencing, then experience good things always.

I know when I do that my life fills with happy experiences. Such as meeting transgender women in delightful ways. I know this because I’ve tried it and it has always worked out that way. I also know this because my The Transamorous Network clients get exactly the same results.

It’s a bit more complicated than that, but in a short while, I’ve created a life filled with happy experiences. So have my clients.

So this holiday season, I appreciate what I’ve realized: That life is happy when I am happy. And the happier I am, the more my life shapes to my happiness. In my happiness, I don’t need my life to change. But because I’m not focused on my life needing to change, because I’m not telling stories about how bad my life is, my life changes.

It’s a paradox, but it’s true.

I’m grateful for what I’ve discovered. And I’m loving seeing people who have come to me seeking relief from anxiety, insecurities, shame and other life problems, find relief and more, simply by telling better stories.

I appreciate knowing life is supposed to be fun, joyful and filled with fulfilled desires. I appreciating having such a life. And I appreciate sharing what I know with others, then seeing their life turn out that way too.

It’s the epitome of living.

December 15, 2020November 25, 2020

Happiness Is Getting What I Want

I know what I want, when I get it, makes me happy. I also know when I’m happy I set up more future happy moments.

But since every time I get what I want, I am happy, I can just be happy, even when I’m not getting what I want. I can be happy now, no matter what is happening.

This is the basis of our work at The Transamorous Network. I know when I put my happiness first, by telling stories about my life that make me happy, I put myself on a path to having a happy life. That’s because a happy life looks like feeling happy in every moment.

I know when I do that my life fills with happy experiences. I know this because I’ve tried it and it’s always worked out that way. I also know this because my Transamorous Network clients get exactly the same results. It’s a bit more complicated than that, but in a short while, I’ve created a life filled with happy experiences. So have my clients. I share these experiences in my other blog, Positively Focused.

It’s a paradox but it’s true.

I’m grateful for what I’ve discovered. And I’m loving seeing transgender people and trans-attracted people who have come to me seeking relief from their self-loathing, insecurities and shame, find relief and more, simply by telling better stories.

I appreciate knowing life is supposed to be fun, joyful and filled with fulfilled desire. I appreciating having such a life. And I appreciate sharing what I know with others, then seeing their life turn out that way too.

It’s the epitome of living.

November 24, 2020November 4, 2020

A Trans Woman Advises Trans-attracted men

Our latest guest, Anita Noelle Green, offers men who are attracted to trans women good advice: get over your shame, date us in public and treat us like women. Good advice! Our full two-part interview with Anita Noelle Green is coming soon. Be sure to subscribe and hit the bell to get notified! And follow The Transamorous Network wherever you are on social media.

Need help figuring out how to get over your shame? Contact us.