Category: Blog

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Online dating by any other name still sucks

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Online dating: for most of us it doesn’t work. Especially for trans-attracted guys, you’re going to have a hard time online. (Photo by Thomas Lefebvre)

A few weeks back, a new dating website for transgender people launched. It was meant to combat discrimination transgender people experience in online dating and dating apps such as Tinder. This new one was heralded as the place for transgender people to meet online.

Its release was timely. Especially with the demise of Craigslist personals. Business killed off the free (and scuzzy) hook-up section of Craigslist; the organization was potentially at great risk of violating new anti-human trafficking laws. So this new site promised to offer what Craigslist no longer could, what Tinder refused to and what other sites have struggled to provide: a level playing field for transgender people to find relationship.

Whatever form that relationship takes.

“Life has been so hard for trans people because they have to overcome the social stigma of being transgender. When it comes to dating, it’s even harder for them. They need a comfortable place to meet and date with other trans people without judgement. So we created Transdr – a Tinder alternative for the trans community.”

So said Sean Kennedy, the co-founder of Transdr, this new app promising a safe place for transgender people to do whatever they look for in online dating. One look at the site and the problems with Transdr are GLARINGLY obvious. A for intent. F for execution.

But we don’t care about their intent or execution. While online dating has proven successful for some, it presents so much frustration for many other people.

According to online dating literature, dating services can’t really improve relationship outcomes. On dating sites like Match.com, which allow users to make their own dating decisions, daters have difficulty meeting the right partners. Studies show that they are unable to make successful selections: more often than not, you’re just as likely to be successful in real life as you are online.

But there’s another way. An easier way. A more fun way. We talk about that way all day long her on The Transamorous Network. It’s actually the ONLY way people meet anyway, whether they are online or not. But that’s another story.

A former online dating user wrote us recently. We think he accurately describes experiences people (mostly men) have with online dating:

“…the only ones who win online are the websites with bogus profiles. The websites who take a unique part of society and spin it for their financial benefit and it simply pisses me off. After many years I certainly know who I am attracted to and who I wish to spend time with, knowing that there is some parasite out there focused on ripping me with many others off simply tightens the jaw….I am merely fed up with being ripped off. Thanks for your viewpoint on life for me will get better one way or the other.”

Do you feel like this guy? Wanna be different? Better do something different. We offer a different approach at The Transamorous Network. One that works. Guaranteed.

 

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When empathy is not your friend

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Empathy doesn’t serve you. Or your friend. (Photo by Sydney Sims)

Empathy is never your friend. Not if you’re wanting to have your dream life, including a loving relationship with your dream partner.

Society heralds being empathetic as something positive. Empathy, we are told, is the ability to feel and understand the feelings of another. Sounds harmless enough. It may even be beneficial to our friends and loved ones to be empathetic. Especially when they’re feeling sad.

But is it really?

When you’re feeling what another is feeling, you’re giving control of your life to another person. If that person is feeling negative, now both of you are inviting more experiences of the kind that had your friend feel negative emotion in the first place. That’s not helpful. For either of you.

Why?

Because all that you want, including another person feeling better, is only available to you when you are in a happy place, appreciating all that life is giving you and enjoying the process of your own becoming. When you focus on another person’s negative condition, and because of that, you match their negative feeling experience, you are closing yourself off from your ability to receive what you’re wanting. That’s why you feel bad when you do that.

Your friend feels better, yes. That’s because he or she has cut herself off from his or her power by focusing on the negative aspects of a situation. So when you join them in that perspective, of course they’re going to feel better. You’re the only friend they have at that moment. They’re using you to fill the void they created by cutting themselves off from their higher self. So now you both are cut off and the only company you have is each other, both of whom are powerless.

It’s far better to relate to your friend from your only place of power: your connection with yourself. You know you’re connected with yourself when you feel good. Period. When you hold your own happiness firmly in the face of your friend who is struggling, you have a better chance of lifting them to where you are. And feeling happy is always better-feeling than any negative emotion.

If you want to have empathy, then empathize with your friends positive perspectives, even if they’re absent right now. Remind them how great they are, how great life is, how this immediate situation that has them feeling negative is temporary. This is the best medicine. For everyone.

 

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How to note your dreams coming true

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Slowing down allows you to tap into your intuition, your impulses coming from your Inner Being leading you to evidence of all your dreams coming true. Now it’s time to start paying attention so you can see the evidence. If you can see the evidence, you won’t be so uptight about your dreams, whether they’re about a relationship, or anything else, seemingly not coming true.

Before you can see the evidence though you have to relearn how to see it. This means coming into communication with your Inner Being. Most people aren’t connected to their “gut” or their intuition, because science or some other aspect of mainstream society has taught them to not believe in or trust this valuable and always accurate Source of guidance.

So learning how to see the evidence means learning how to hear your Inner Being when it’s giving you clues to follow. For it is in following the clues that you are led to the evidence. And the evidence it leads you to is always inspiring because the evidence is always positive and always indicating that your dreams are becoming your reality.

We talk about how to see the signs in a recent episode of IN YOUR FACE. Take a look/listen:

 

 

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Your dreams come at nature speed

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In our latest IN YOUR FACE SHOW, we talked about how important it is that trans-attracted men slow down in order to get what they’re wanting. Slowing down is such a big deal, it’s amazing people don’t know this. But if they did, they would achieve more of what they’re wanting with far less frustration.

Part of the problem is we’re all trained to believe we are solely responsible for making things happen. In our “get shit done”, “Work hard, play hard”, rugged individualist world, we learn very early the value of working hard, staying busy, focusing on our goals and going it alone.

But materializations – how material results emerge – do not happen as it appears: it’s never the result of hard work and struggle. And very rarely, if EVER, do things happen anywhere close to “over night” even though people believe so much in “over night successes”. The things you’re wanting come when you’re ready for them. That means, you have release enough momentum-resistance that they can come easily into your life.

Notice that a lot of people (more than would admit) usually find a partner when they give up actively looking, or when they let go of expectations about what that person should be. What’s really happening when people finally find their partner is they have stopped focusing on the absence of that person. Which leads us to the other part of the problem.

The other part of the problem, the far more important part, is that when you’re out looking for the partner, you are always and naturally focused on the absence of the person you’re looking for rather than the presence of that person. That should make sense. You’re out at bars, online or otherwise “trying to find” that person, which means, you are aware of that person is ABSENT from your life. When you go out, or you search online, and your efforts there produce zilch, the emotion you feel is negative: frustration, anxiety, irritation, disappointment, etc.

When you’re feeling this way you also aren’t focused on being with your partner. Instead, you’re focused on your partner’s absence as well as the seeming futility of your efforts.

Beginning to get this?

So the key to having your partner – or anything else for that matter – is to enjoy the process, realizing your partner is already in your life and that your Inner Being is orchestrating circumstances that will connect you with her when you’re a match to her.

Your Inner Being is trying to guide you along a path leading to your partner. But if you’re in frustration, anxiety, irritation or disappointment, you can’t hear the signals, the impulse. Instead, you hear signals leading you to more frustration, anxiety, irritation, disappointment. That’s how you end up doing the same things over and over again rather than trying a different approach.

This is why slowing down is so important. When you slow down, soothe your mind and relax into your life, you begin to tap into the rhythm of your Inner Being which is the natural world’s rhythm. From there you can hear your Inner Being’s signals as impulses to take certain actions. Those actions will always lead to pleasurable experiences. These experiences often seem to have nothing to do with meeting your partner. But if you faithfully follow all the impulses you get, you will absolutely wind up meeting that person. But not when you think you should. You’ll meet that person when you’re ready. And if you’re feeling frustration, anxiety, irritation, disappointment, etc., you are decidedly NOT ready.

We go into good detail about how to tap into your Inner Being in this week’s show. Watch it and if you have any questions, let us know.

 

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Following your impulses gives you everything

 

No matter who you are, your Inner Being will guide you to everything you want. The key is calming your mind and then training yourself to know the difference between your random thoughts and your Inner Being. It takes a while to train your everyday mind to soothe, but it is so worth it.

  • To give up having to struggle to get the love you want
  • To give up thinking the world is a random place where people randomly get what they want, but mostly get what they don’t want
  • To give up thinking you are somehow unworthy of love
  • To give up feeling alone
  • To give up feeling that everything and everyone is against you somehow

There are so many more of these kinds of thoughts you naturally let go of once you connect with your Inner Being. Why? Because when you do, you discover through that most important relationship, that you are blessed, you are loved and you are receiving all that you’re wanting because you create your reality.

We’re demonstrating it in our own lives as are our clients. Now, it’s time for you to demonstrate it in your own life. Our examples, our words can go only so far in convincing you. At some point you have to test what we offer. And let your Inner Being and your life experience offer you the evidence you need….to believe.