How Transgender Women Can Help You Understand White Male Privilege Expressed As Rage

Paula Williams blog
Photo: TEDx Mile High via YouTube

“The call toward authenticity has all the subtlety of a smoke alarm.”

So says Paula Stone Williams. She was once a former corporate senior executive, pastor, evangelist while presenting male…Then she transitioned into “Paula”, her authentic self.

And lost everything but her authenticity, humor and keen insight.

Authenticity calls all of us. Some hear that call better than others and benefit in the listening.

But once the call is heard, then heeded, one becomes an amplifier of it for others.

Paula has become exactly that.

“The call to authenticity is sacred, it’s holy, it’s for the greater good.” She says.

The call also connects us all, offering species-level transformational potential. The more who are transformed by it, the more room is made for others’ transformation.

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Paula’s TEDx talk landed in my inbox with perfect timing.

I mentioned two weeks ago on our IN YOUR FACE show (Mondays at 5:30 pst), a conversation I had with what at first sounded like a transphobe. Even though Billy is “grossed out” by trans women, I was impressed with his willingness to be vulnerable, his articulate arguments, and his willingness to chat instead of doing a dump and run on our YouTube Show’s comments section.

This weekend though, our conversation turned for the worse.

It’s hard to have a long conversation about transgender people without bringing up obvious parallels between what transgender people are going through and what other minorities have experienced. So it was natural for me to do that.

In doing so, I referred to the browning of America and the benefits a renewed balance to resource access will have on race matters in the United States, and by extension, to transgender people.

That pushed Billy’s buttons.

Thankfully, he’s still willing to chat. Paula’s lessons shared from her male privilege experiences, or rather the loss of them, came – with perfect timing – into my life. They helped me better understand where Billy was coming from, why he was so rage-inspired, and allowed me to be more gracious in the receiving of his vitriol.

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There are so many benefits transgender people bring to the world. Paula’s influence on my conversation with Billy is a small, but apt demonstration.

You might argue that it’s better to transition when young. And while I agree with that for many reasons, benefits come from transitioning late in life too.

For those folks, Paula offers an example of how late-blooming can be just as awesome as blooming early.

Spending a long time presenting as male affords a magnificent inside view of male privilege.

It can be shocking post-transition to lose all that privilege. But it also can be used as a powerful sociological transformational path to authenticity for self and others.

Paula clearly has successfully stepped into that with grace and humor.

And here is where late-blooming transgender women such as Paula can have a huge influence on others: by sharing their personal experience in an authentic way to transform the species for the better, they become greater than themselves.

I think that’s the kind of impact we all want to have, but many miss the chance.

Watch her TEDx talk here.

A New [Beautiful] Face Joins The Transamorous Network

Yuri smiling watermark blog

So yesterday I had the pleasure of shooting Yuri Pichardo, a transgender woman who, is so photogenic, it’s hard not to wonder if she has a special way with camera lenses.

Yuri agreed to be regularly photographed as our brand’s model. We’ll be featuring Photos of her alongside a lot of our material.

Yuri smiling 2 watermark blogIn addition to being quite beautiful, Yuri is whip smart, has a keen intuition and is equally resourceful. A native of Tacache de Mina, Oaxaca, Mexico, Yuri’s biggest dreams have been accomplished, she says.

But there’s still one more dream she’s highly anticipating: Her childhood dream of her Quinceañera. Her sweet fifteen birthday party.

No, she’s not fifteen, but it’s something she’s always wanted to have. In her culture the Quinceañera signifies a young woman’s maturation into adulthood. This weekend many of her friends will gather to celebrate this moment…some fifteen years late.

But who’s counting?

We’re just happy to have Yuri as part of our team. Welcome Yuri!

Yuri Yucking watermark blog

 

An Awesome Thing Happened On Wikipedia And You Probably Missed It.

your transattraction is good

In less than a week, Wikipedia did something positive for the transgender community.

Wikipedia contributors have removed a fringe and controversial theory about attraction to transgender people and replaced it with an entry based on more common knowledge about trans-attraction.

While this seems like a tiny step, we think it’s huge.

We just had a conversation with a transgender woman who was in fact using this fringe theory to tie her self in knots about her own value as a person worthy of someone’s attention.

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It looks like the decision to remove the theory’s entry took place around 2013. But we looked up the theory just last week and it was still there. Today, it’s been redirected to the more accurate entry.

Awesome.

The exchange between Wikipedia contributors and the original poster of the fringe theory is quite an interesting read. The original poster, btw, happens to be one of the theory’s originators.

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Here’s the entry it has been replaced by. It’s not the best (you gotta start somewhere) but it certainly acknowledges the legitimate existence of trans-attraction thus validating the romantic value transgender people inherently possess. Just like the rest of us.

In other words: it’s NORMAL and validating to love transgender people.

Well done Wikipedia.

 

 

Parents who get being trans like a boss

We love it when parents get it. Then take the effort to transform themselves in the same way their children are transforming.

It’s not an easy path realizing your child is likely transgender. What we think is remarkable is when a parent’s love for their child trumps what they think their child should do be or wear.

Case in point: This woman’s description of her own transition as a mother of a transgender child. Her concluding paragraph says it all:

I push through my discomfort and do what I can to explain all this to the people I know or encounter, hoping to help them undertake the minimal work to call transgender people by language that reflects their true selves. If parents would let themselves feel proud and amazed, instead of scared, when their kids grow and change, they might just grow and change themselves. And if they’re very lucky, their kids, like mine, will help the world grow and change, too.

We really appreciate the phrase “minimal work”. It really is minimal to change one’s language. Compared to what transgender individuals go through to own their transition, changing one’s language is simple. But also really powerful.

We’re glad to see parents embracing their transgender children. It’s just more evidence of the world shifting to embrace these wonderful people.

And it’s more evidence supporting your coming out of the closet trans-attracted man. The shame you may feel about being attracted to trans people is self-inflicted. You don’t have to feel that way.

We can help you.

Trans-attracted Men Who “Bottom” Are A-OK. (And, They’re Not Gay) [Guest Post]

Bernard Hermant INSTA2

[We received this letter from Jae, a recent new follower of our work. He sent this letter to us. We thought is good enough to share. Enjoy! P]

I’m writing in response to a heated exchange that I witnessed on FB the other day. I was unable to comment because I’m not “friends” with either of the people that were really going at it.

The topic was whether or not a man who receives anal from his trans woman partner diminishes his masculinity.

I was pretty surprised to see that this is still an issue, quite honestly.

One man appeared to be pretty absolutist on the topic, saying that any man willing to receive anal from his trans woman partner is in effect compromising his “manhood.”

There was another man who rebutted him saying that this was not the case at all. The two really went at it, yet the other still held his ground on the topic.

Quite frankly, I think this topic is outdated. It’s as outdated as questioning a transamorous man’s sexual orientation and resorting to societal labeling as “gay” or “bi-sexual.”

I am of the opinion that it is all about sexual tastes. Whether or not a man elects to receive anal from his trans partner should not define their level of masculinity.

I consider myself exceptionally fortunate that my circle of friends is pretty eclectic. I have hetero friends, gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and trans (both m2f and f2m) and I love and respect them all equally. I can attest that there are plenty of gay men who identify as “bottoms” in their sexual expression, yet are just as masculine as any alpha male, UFC fighter, NFL defensive end, etc.

You get the idea.

To question the “manhood” of a masculine gay man because he identifies as a bottom would definitely not have a good outcome, and could even result in a few missing teeth.

Either that, or the counter arguments would get drowned out from the waves of deafening laughter in the room from the gay, hetero, bi, and trans people who are informed and mature enough to realize that sexuality cannot be restricted to neat little outdated categories, which only promote homophobia.

Chris Johnson WHAT STORIES HORIZ

The same could be the case with a man who is involved with a trans woman and takes the “bottom” role in their intimate expression.

Conversely, there are some trans women who identify as tops and yet, they are the epitome of feminine grace.

The problem is, there are so many men who have yet to outgrow the narrow-minded thought process of defining a man’s masculinity by their sexual expression. They are so hindered by archaic labels and roles that society continues to rely on, and the danger is that it naturally feeds right into homophobia.

I would hope that in the long run, the only thing that matters is that two consenting adults have been drawn together to savor the beauty of intimate time together physically and emotionally. In our case, it’s that a man has come to grips with his attraction to the inner and outer beauty of trans women.

Why does it matter what sexual tastes that they have anyway?

It amazes me that there are men who profess an attraction to trans women, yet resort to the same homophobic judgmental practices as to measure other men’s masculinity based on the sexual attentiveness that they share with their trans partners.

I wonder if this same population of self-proclaimed transamorous men who judge in this way, take something else into consideration. And that is: perhaps the men who are open-minded enough to receive anal are doing so in the spirit of mutual attentiveness and thus reciprocate the pleasure experienced with their transgender partners.

I think that men who find themselves attracted to trans women should also come to the realization that not every trans woman is okay with being the only one who receives anal intercourse. That there are some who may want to find enjoyment in making love to their male partners.

There’s nothing cookie cutter-ish about sexuality.

Men, for whom receiving anal is not a part of their sexual expression, can find trans women who prefer to receive anal only, and it brings them both to the heights of pleasure. And men who are open to giving and receiving anal as a part of their sexual expression can find “versatile” trans women who enjoy both roles. And again, it works for both people, providing a fulfilling experience.

That’s the beauty of it.

There’s someone out there for everyone and when the right connection is made, the awesomeness of that connection is immeasurable.

So it’s my hope that the infighting will cease among transamorous men in regards to questioning another man’s masculinity because of their receptivity to please their trans women partners in this way.

If anything, I even would go as far as to say that in doing so, these men in question are likely more secure in their masculinity than the men who are criticizing them.

Now isn’t that just wildly ironic?

All my very best to the awesome community of transamorous men and transgender women!

 Jae