Tips For Finding Love And Acceptance In The Trans Community. Starting With The Men.
Tomorrow night on Facebook Live we’ll explore how to make everything you want to be in your life be in your life and why focusing intellectually on “how” makes getting those things a sucky experience. You can be in love, accepted for who you are and happy. That’s what we’re talking about on The Transamorous Network’s Facebook Live show “IN YOUR FACE” Monday night, Jan. 9 at 7:30 pm PST. We’ll see you there.
Bullshit.
Some holier than thou transwomen out there claim a “real transwoman” would never top because “real transwomen” (who, presumably are WOMEN, and by that definition would hate their penis) abhor the idea of “that” between their legs. Of course, there are transwomen like that in the world. There’s great diversity on Earth. You can find evidence of ANY STORY. That’s why there are PLENTY of transwomen who LOVE to top! Just because they do doesn’t make them a REAL WOMAN.
Did you know cis-women have LOVED topping men for as long as there have been sex toys? The sex industry makes millions of dollars from men who loved to be fucked by women and women who thoroughly enjoy fucking them. Are these women not women just because the strap on a fake penis and go to town on a guy’s ass?
Of course not.
I find it COMPLETELY BIZARRE that a transwoman, having gone through the struggle of finding acceptance for who they really are, would then look down her nose at another transwoman who is just trying to be herself (and express that self-hood by topping her man). In a bizzaro-version of reality, transwomen adopt a hetero-normative meme and then use it to shame other transwomen (and men who want such transwomen) who have the story that “topping is fun, normal, sexually satisfying and part of who I am.”
Stories are powerful things. If you’re a transwoman who believes ALL transwomen must be bottoms, that’s great. It’s your story. It relates to YOUR reality. Don’t use your story to condemn other people – men and women – who are wanting to create THEIR reality with THEIR stories.
Men: You want what you want and what you want is good. You want a transgender woman who will enjoy topping you, but feel bad, shame, worry or fear about it? Schedule a FREE 1:1 session with Perry and talk about it!
After getting a nice, long and quite polite email about sex between transwomen and cis-men, we had to do a show to comment on the points the person who wrote the comment made. Check out our blog to see the comment in full, or just watch this episode of our show.
Those angry about increasing visibility of transgender people need to “get over it.”
Those aren’t my words. Although I agree with them. They are Robin Hammond’s Words. Who’s Robin Hammond? He’s the guy who took the National Geographic cover photo of transgender girl Avery Jackson. Though the issue hasn’t been published yet, National Geographic is being both hailed and hated for it.
It’s just another step in the eventual full embrace of transgender people worldwide.
I’ve seen a lot of responses to this photo. Which is beautiful by the way. Avery’s quote is so perfect. Since we focus on positive aspects the Transamorous Network, I’m not going to recount negative comments people and organizations have made about it. Instead, I’m going to quote Hammond’s reaction to them, which I think is gold:
“[Some people are] likely scared of change,” He said. “They saw a world where [being trans] didn’t exist and now they see it as a new thing. It’s sad for them because it leaves them closed off to people who are different to them.”
“The best thing about being a girl is now I don’t have to pretend to be a boy.”
– Avery Jackson
If you’re interested in reading more about Hammond and his remarks, you can read this article. Here’s National Geographic’s explanation for their exceptional cover.
First, there are no “problems”. Since you probably, like most people, believe there are, we need to unpack that. I’ll get back to the fact that there are no problems in a moment.
Having trouble finding love? Having trouble finding work? Tired of all those “crazy” transwomen you keep meeting; the gold-diggers, players, skeezers, cheaters? Tired of all the chasers, the guys who are in the closet, guys that want you to “top” them? Are you tired of hearing about people like you getting beaten and killed? Are you one of those people whose parents want nothing to do with you?
Do you pay attention to things like the latest transgender community survey?
There’s a way out of all that. But first, you have to really look at where all these problems are coming from. I mean really look. If any of the problems above (or any other problem) is your experience, and that experience has you feeling sucky, there’s something you can do to relieve yourself of them. Yes, “them”, meaning, all of them. But it’s going to take some time and it’s going to take some work. The first task: understand the one thing all your problems share.
That thing is YOU.
There is no way to deny that you are the common denominator of all your problems. The plain fact is, if you weren’t here, you wouldn’t be experiencing your problems. If you didn’t exist, your problems – at least as you’re experiencing them – wouldn’t exist because your experience wouldn’t exist. Right?
This is so eye-rolling obvious, but I would bet, dear reader, that you haven’t stopped to think about how that obvious fact plays into your problem-experience. That you are the center of all your problems is why you are always meeting the same guys or girls in your search for love. It’s why you’re having a hard time finding that job you like. It’s why you’re stuck feeling like being trans is so hard.
If you didn’t exist, neither would your problems.
Since you are the common denominator of all your problems, doesn’t it stand to reason
that the solution to these problems isn’t “out there” in your “reality”, it’s somehow “in there” in side “you”? There’s an old saying: when you point a finger in blame, there are three fingers pointing back at you. Your problems aren’t the problem. You are.
This is not some “positive self-help” meme. It’s basic reality. This also is the fundamental truth about our work here. We want you to have a fabulously fun, happy and exciting life where you experience all you want and NONE OF WHAT YOU DON’T WANT. You can’t have that life though if you’re blaming your reality for all the problems you see in it. Because the more you point the finger at your reality, the more problems you sow in that reality. The way out of your problems is to realize there are no problems.
And that is no Matrix movie bullshit. It is the most accurate statement about your world.
Now you and your friends might be like “this is such bullshit, you’re blaming the victim.” We actually had a person write us recently on our YouTube channel and make that claim. The problem with that statement is, it denies the common denominator of the problem. If the victim didn’t exist, there’d be no experience.
So the question then is, how do I (that’s you) have experiences that don’t look like problems?
First, what you think of are problems aren’t. What they are are clues showing you that you have your interpretation of your life experience all screwy. You are getting clues all the time, but you don’t usually pay attention to them, so the clues get bigger and bigger until they’re undeniable. Problem (lol) is you don’t see them as clues, you see them as problems. So instead of taking the clue, you look at it and complain about it. It’s like the pointing finger. It’s a simple clue, a symbol, indicating to every human being with hands that when you look out in the world and blame something out there, there is more evidence (three fingers as opposed to one) that the Source of the problem is the person pointing the finger.
Clues you interpret as problems get bigger and bigger until you do something about them. The biggest thing you can “do” to “get the clue” is to look at the stories you’re telling yourself. Your stories are creating your life experience. The more persistent stories have more dominance in your reality-creation. So if you’re complaining all the time that the only transwomen you meet are trifling, that story is going to predominate meaning your life experience is going to only allow you to meet trifling transwomen. Your meeting trifling transwomen, and your disappointment about that repeat experience, is your clue that you have a story creating something you’re not wanting.
If you want a happy life, you have to tell happy stories about your life. But don’t expect miracles to happen over night, although it can happen that way. Old stories take time to subside. New ones take time to settle in. But the good news is, you are always able to change your stories at any time. Which means you are always able to start changing your life experience at any time too.
Need help? We got your back. Contact us, or check out our materials. They’re gold.