Category: Transamorous men

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Trans Or Trans-Attracted: You’re Meant To Be Happy

 

Not happy FB blog
You came to live continually happy and getting all you want. Why aren’t you?

Relationships don’t make a person happy.

Having that transgender lover you want isn’t going to make you happy.

Having that new job, or that car you want, or that money you’re wanting won’t do it either.

When you satisfy a desire, you feel the satisfaction, sure.

But notice: over time, that satisfaction (and satisfaction is what you mistake as happiness) fades as it is replaced by new desires.

  • That relationship, job, car or amount of money, no matter how wonderful at first, comes with inherent disappointments:
  • Relationships inherently are made of unmet expectations, frustration, trust issues and growth. Yes, you can be happy in them. But it’s often a roller coaster.
  • Jobs nearly always include frustrating bosses or colleagues, unwanted stressors, and rarely satisfying pay. No matter how much you make or how satisfying the work. Jobs and happiness are rarely in a long term relationship.
  • Cars come with traffic, car repairs, worries about it getting stolen, parking fees….money comes with…well you know.

No.

Whatever material thing you’re wanting is like any satisfied desire. Once you get it, once it is fulfilled, you want more, or you discover more is possible.

But happiness is borne of in-the-moment-awareness of your recognition, your acknowledgment that your life is a delightful journey, orchestrated by you in every moment. When you get to that recognition, life becomes what it is meant to be: a continuous string of joyful experiences.

It takes a while to get there, not because it’s hard, because it’s easy. It takes a while to get there because you have to gradually slow the influence of your old way of living: thinking that life is hard, that you must work hard, that relationships are hard, that trans women are elusive, that men don’t like transgender women, that all trans-attracted men are gay or chasers….and on and on and on.

You are meant to live a happy life. It is as near as you saying that you want that, then doing something productive about it.

And when you find yourself happy, you get everything you’re wanting. Easily. Including that relationship, that car, that money and that job.

Not happy, why aren’t you?

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Complicit in your own self-self-mutilization?

 

bimo mentara patriarchy.jpg

Bell hooks (born Gloria Jean Watkins) is an African-American author, feminist, and social activist. Her writing has focused on the interconnectivity of race, class, and gender and their ability to produce and perpetuate systems of oppression and domination.

In a recent interview on The Transamorous Network Podcast, due out soon, we talked about the power of the patriarchy, its viciousness and its vile effect….

Not on women.

On men.

What does this have to do with trans attraction?

A lot. The shame you feel being trans-attracted rests deep in the vileness of the patriarchy. Like the quote says: patriarchy’s first violent act is within men.

Something to think about. Some questions to help you:

  • Why do you keep thinking you’re gay because you find trans women attractive?
  • Why are you asserting your straightness in online dating ads and other communiques about your interest in trans women?
  • What are you afraid of in owning your trans-attraction?
  • What do you have to lose if you do own your attraction to these beautiful people?
  • Is what you have to lose really so valuable that you are willing to tolerate being less than, expressing less than all you are?

All of this is definitely worth thinking about. Contact us if you need someone to talk with about this.

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Following your impulses gives you everything

 

No matter who you are, your Inner Being will guide you to everything you want. The key is calming your mind and then training yourself to know the difference between your random thoughts and your Inner Being. It takes a while to train your everyday mind to soothe, but it is so worth it.

  • To give up having to struggle to get the love you want
  • To give up thinking the world is a random place where people randomly get what they want, but mostly get what they don’t want
  • To give up thinking you are somehow unworthy of love
  • To give up feeling alone
  • To give up feeling that everything and everyone is against you somehow

There are so many more of these kinds of thoughts you naturally let go of once you connect with your Inner Being. Why? Because when you do, you discover through that most important relationship, that you are blessed, you are loved and you are receiving all that you’re wanting because you create your reality.

We’re demonstrating it in our own lives as are our clients. Now, it’s time for you to demonstrate it in your own life. Our examples, our words can go only so far in convincing you. At some point you have to test what we offer. And let your Inner Being and your life experience offer you the evidence you need….to believe.

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Men: you gotta understand your love stories

 

Men (and transwomen). You’re wanting a relationship. Essentially that means you’re wanting love. Do you know what you mean when you talk about “love”?

It’s an important question. Love comes in all kinds of shapes and colors. And definitions. Knowing what “love” is like for you can help you determine if you’re getting what you’re wanting, or what you’re not wanting.

For example, for a long time my “love story” told me that love included fighting, disagreements, coldness, periods of sexual expression, and a smattering of peace. As a result of this “love story”, guess what my relationships looked like?

That’s right, each relationship was incendiary, unstable, and fraught with drama. The sex was good…for a while. But the drama always overwhelmed good sex.

Later I learned a new love story. I learned that love and relationships were a forge designed to toughen and transform hearts into strong independent/interdependent entities capable of “standing on one’s own feet” instead of relying on the love and adoration of another. From that “training” one could love another unconditionally.  This story I learned from a book called The Passionate Marriage.

Unfortunately that story created relationships that were more learning laboratories than nurturing really loving ones. Learning 24/7 is not necessarily a fun thing to do. Especially with your intimate partner.

Today my love story is more akin to real “unconditional” love. It says I have the capacity to love everyone because everyone (including myself) is love. More importantly, the most meaningful love for me, and the least capricious love, comes from within. Not from another person.

That kind of love leaves me free to be. More importantly, it allows my partner to be whoever she is too. It allows me to not be affected by the love or the lack of love I get or don’t get from another person. Which leaves me happy and less susceptible to bouts of dramas, disagreements and misunderstandings. These things still happen sometimes, but I’m far less rocked by them. As a result, my relationship is more calm, peaceful and more joyful, mainly because I don’t look in my relationship to find calmness, peace and joy. Instead, I look within, where calmness, peace and joy is available 24/7.

Your love story is creating your reality in relationships. What is your love story? And is it causing you to look for love in all the wrong places?

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MEN: YOU GOTTA LEARN THAT YOU DON’T KNOW IT ALL

Men. Your ego and your brain think they know how to connect you with the transgender woman of your dreams. And when you rely on them, you feel frustration and struggle because your ego and your brain have no idea how to answer the critical questions that make that happen:

Who is she?
Where is she?
How will I meet her?
When will I meet her?

So whenever you start thinking about that ideal trans woman you want, usually you feel frustrated or doubtful. That’s because in the absence of meeting her, you immediately think about the “how”, the “when” and the “where”. Then you start taking action in an attempt to figure those things out. You try online dating, bars, pride parades, etc. Instead of just letting things happen the natural way. Meaning: allowing the your Inner Being to cause a natural rendezvous between you and her.

The problem is, neither you, nor your brain, nor your ego knows the answers to the “how”, the “when” and the “where”.  And the answers (as you can tell when you read them) are exactly the answers you need to find her.

But your Inner Being knows. And the Inner Being of the woman you’re a match to knows too. Together, these to “meta yous” can work together to orchestrate a natural meet & greet. But not if you’re resisting the flow of messages your Inner Being is sending you that, if followed, will lead you to the same spot where she will be, when you’re there. Unbeknownst to you, this is exactly how everything you receive happens.

I know, you think it’s your actions, your direct doing that causes you to get what you’re wanting. But the “action” you take is the final step in a long process or orchestration. That long process is made much longer when you’re not paying attention and following your Inner Being guidance.

We went into pretty good detail on how to connect with your Inner Being in our recent IN YOUR FACE SHOW (see the video above). Listening to you Inner Being is one thing. Following the guidance in the right timing is another thing altogether. That last step is really important. The good news, all this can be learned and perfected. On the way so much evidence is given you proving the process is working. You just have to know how to recognize the clues.

Some of the most successful men have mentors, who help them become successful. The phenomenally successful follow their Inner Being, their inner voice and, over time, they become phenomenally successful. You can use that same guidance to chart your way directly to the trans woman of your dreams. Watch the show to learn more.