Letters@The Transamorous Network

 

Love@The_Transamorous_Network_ 3

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Hi there! Been loving the podcast, which I just discovered…

I have a question, and it feels very uncomfortable to ask as I continue to learn about the complexity involved with trans women and how they transition and the sensitivity around their bodies and not wanting to offend them with stupid or possibly offensive questions…

I’m embarking on my first relationship with a trans woman…we met online and have been hitting it off…we were doing video chat the other night and I noticed for the first time a “5 o clock shadow” in the shape of a goatee on her face. Im doing everything intellectually to try and not judge, or feel anything about her is “lesser,” but I can’t help but feel a loss of attraction. Im also now struggling with my own journey because although I have been with a trans woman before and im very attracted to trans women, I fear my expectations around appearance are totally warped based on pornography…and now i’m worried about who and what i am actually attracted to and what this all means.

Thank you for having this forum and allowing me to be honest. Again im not trying to be judgmental; I am just having a real emotional struggle around what I saw and how I am supposed to feel about it. Any encouraging words…or you can give me tough love and put me in my place…would be much appreciated:)

Thank you.

Warmly,

Clayton

 

Hi Clayton,

This is Perry from The Transamorous Network. What a great email you sent. I’m going to explain why, then I’ll get to your question/comment/concern. I’m going to respond thoroughly to it, so this email will probably be a bit long. Just think of it that you’re getting your money’s worth 😂

Sounds like you’ve watched or listened to some of our interviews on our podcast or YouTube channel, so you have some idea where we come from. Where we come from can benefit anyone, but some aren’t ready for what we offer. That said…let’s start with how great your email is.

The fact that you’re willing to challenge your knee-jerk reaction to what you saw is so great. Most of the time, when a person has a belief confrontation (a belief or story that reality “confronts” or offers counterfactual data in the “face” of the story) that person usually will react to the emotion instead of what’s causing the emotion. I’m pretty sure you don’t know what emotions are for (the vast majority of people don’t) but the fact that you’re challenging your initial feelings is a great indicator.

That you’re clear enough to write it down without defending how you feel, or more importantly, the story you’re telling, means you’re open to creating and then holding onto a better story. One that will, over time, create realities consistent with it rather than the stories responsible for the reality you now are experiencing.

So, this is why I said your email is great. You’re open. That’s half most of the battle. 😊

So here’s the thing about trans women: like you, they are going through a transition. That means, there will be times when they may appear more like they’d rather not appear than how they want to appear. Unlike any photo, or movie (doesn’t matter if it’s porn) or any relationship you see on the street that you’re not a part of, you are in this person’s unfolding life experience. So you are seeing all that she wants you to see….and all that she doesn’t necessarily want you to see.

How you respond to that in a large way will determine how she feels, then reacts to, her emotions/thoughts/stories about herself, then about you, about men (I know that’s unfair), about relationships, and about life. So you play a big role in this person’s life.

This is a big part of what we show our clients. You aren’t playing the biggest role in her life (she is) but you are playing the biggest role in your life, with her playing a subordinate role in yours.

In other words, you both are participating in creating the experience each of you are having. This is important background.

We tell our clients the following: when you first meet someone, you are a complete match to that person. If you remain in the feeling-place you were in when you first met that person, your relationship will unfold wonderfully. Most people can’t do that though.

Most people start allowing old stories to get activated, just like you’re doing here. We talk about story or belief “constellations”: a web of related stories one has, over time, fused with their attention. So at the slightest provocation, they get activated and when they do, it’s hard for someone who doesn’t know what we offer to do anything other than go along with the behavior pattern associated with that constellation.

In a situation such as what you’re experiencing, usually a guy will feel what you felt after seeing her with facial hair, activate his old stories about what “women” and “men” “are”, and what they’re not, what they have, and what they don’t, how they look and how they don’t look…even though, for example, there are PLENTY of non-trans women with facial hair!

Then they’ll activate stories about themselves: about who they are and who they’re not, about what they are and what they’re not, they’ll entertain “what if” stories about being out with such a person, being seen with such a person, and THE STORIES THAT WOULD GET TRIGGERED ABOUT THEMSELVES WHEN IN THOSE SITUATIONS….even though those situations aren’t happening, and don’t have to happen.

Faced with too much negative emotion and not knowing what that means, the guy, the usual guy, will ghost the trans woman. Or pretend to still be interested, but over time fade away. Or they’ll abruptly leave the woman with no explanation, or a bogus one.

Does all this seem logical? It should, because it happens all the time, which is why trans women have so many bitter stories they tell all over social media. Trans women aren’t the only people subjected to such behavior. It’s universal.

Here’s the thing about the person you are “embarking on” a relationship with: when you first met her you were “hitting it off”. Now, you get to see and experience stories you have that will put the kibosh on this good thing you have if you continue putting energy into them. Your stories create your reality. Getting to see these stories is fantastic, if you know what to do about them, because if you didn’t know they were there, you couldn’t do anything about them. So this whole affair is a GOOD THING.

Although it usually isn’t thought of this way, “attraction” is an emotion. You felt that emotion because you were telling stories consistent with feeling that way. Now, after getting data that was, still is and is supposed to be helpful (data = the 5 O’clock shadow) you are no longer feeling attraction. That means you have activated a whole host of different stories (a constellation) about all the conditions of your relationships (and more) that if they happen, will be unsatisfactory to you.

The thing is, you are love in a body. But that love you are is UNCONDITIONAL. You feel love for others because that is what you are. But when you tell stories inconsistent with who you know yourself to be, you feel other than what you are (love). This is the work of a human: coming into synch with what they are.

When you get there (and you can) your love for others becomes unconditional. Even if they have a 5 O’clock shadow, you love them no matter what. It doesn’t mean you have to be with them, which I’ll get to in a moment when I talk about your expectations.

You can be with this person no matter how they look “right now” because “right now” is on a continuum of “becoming more and better”. She’s going to get better and better looking as she continues her journey. Along the way, you get to play a role. The question is, what role are you going to play? You don’t have to play one. Which leads me right to your expectations. (No tough love coming 😊)

You have expectations because they’re supposed to be met. Every one is supposed to be fulfilled. But that doesn’t necessarily mean instantly. Nor can they be met if you aren’t a match to them.

For example, let’s say you want a trans woman who looks like the girls you see in porn flicks: mostly feminine looking, “passable” and with a penis (I’m not saying that’s what you want, I’m just giving an example). But let’s say you don’t want a porn star, you want a trans woman who is professional and successful but looks like a porn star. Professional like a lawyer, or an accountant or something.

That trans woman, your ideal, is not going to tolerate someone who feels insecurity and fear about what others think about them. She’s not going to be ok with someone who is trepidatious about their own sexuality just because he likes sucking dick.

So listen, your expectations are meant to be fulfilled. But you must first become a match to the type of person you expect! If you’re not a match, you’re not going to meet them.

How do you know if you’re a match? Look at your now and what and who is in it. And who you’re being. It’s very easy to tell. And again, expectations will not be fulfilled instantly like magic. That’s not how life works. It’s gradual, it’s a process. Just like your friend’s transition is a process.

So what if she has a 5 O’clock shadow sometimes? Sometimes she doesn’t. Probably most times she doesn’t. Tell stories about how good she looks when she doesn’t and focus on those stories and watch how you find herself together with her more when she doesn’t have a 5 O’clock shadow than when she does.

Or, you’ll meet eventually a trans woman who is further along in her transition and thus more of a match to your 5-O’clock-shadow expectations. But remember what I wrote above about how expectations work: you first must become a match to them before they fulfill themselves.

Now, about judgement. Judgement gets a bad wrap by most everyone. But life experience is designed so that you get to choose what you want from what you don’t want. You do that by judging. So don’t besmirch your judgments. Just be aware of how you feel when you judge so you can tune your judging so you get what you judge you want instead of more of what you’re judging. How you do that is what I show my clients and is too complex to share here.

Anyway, you’re doing fine no matter what you decide about this situation. You clearly have more sensitivity to what’s going on inside you than most. Don’t be hard on yourself, and, above all, don’t think that trans women are scarce and that you MUST make this relationship work because they’re so hard to find. That’s the biggest story that trips up so many trans attracted guys, besides fearing what they are because they find themselves attracted to trans women.

Let me know if you have any other questions.

TTN

Letters@The Transamorous Network

Love@The_Transamorous_Network_ 2

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

I feel bad. I see myself in a similar situation in the future. I am just too scared to meet with trans women. And I have been denying this for years and dating cis-women.

I’ve sometimes seen profiles in dating apps that emerged between cis women and stayed there reading and wanting to swipe right on that trans girl,  but ended up swiping left as my anxiety and fear would make things too hard.

At the same time I feel it’s unfair for the poor cis women I’ve dated in the past, although with some of them I’ve had a strong romantic attraction.

Jeb

Hey Jeb,

I once was there. I denied it for years. I didn’t fully embrace my trans attraction and let go of my fear and shame for a while. But then it got too unbearable not being fully myself.

I remember at the time dating a cis-girl. I went over to her house. She was the VP of an insurance company. Very smart. Pretty. Capable. Lovely.

But my desire for transgender women – which is a strong part of who and what I am – exerted itself. I felt great discomfort standing simultaneously in the reality where I was with this capable cis-girl, and the reality I knew was possible, a reality I call “having it all”.

So there I was, at her house. We were just chatting about nothing when all of a sudden, it came out of me. I blurted out “[her name], I can’t do this anymore. I love transgender women. I always have. I have to pursue that.”

I don’t remember what happened next. But I’m so happy I did that. The Transamorous Network, my current experiences…all of it…has come from that.

So really, my fear was more about being “out” about my trans attraction to myself than to others. Back then, my outer reality, the way I lived, matched my inner reality. I was miserable inside.

Now that those two are in synch I no longer feel fear or denial or misery. I feel the pleasure of integration and knowing, and confidence about the goodness of my desire.

You can have this too, Jeb. And you will. When you’re ready.

TTN

Letters@The Transamorous Network

Love@The_Transamorous_Network_

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Transwomen are not women. I wish we would stop saying that. That is INAUTHENTIC! I’m not dogging the attraction to transgender MTF – I’m just calling a spade a spade. They are NOT women. Maybe calling them that makes them and the men attracted to them feel better. But, I’m sorry, as a natal woman, I can say unequivocally, they are not women. That being said, your article has helped me as my husband is transattracted and I have known for a long time that I can’t meet his needs. Thank you for validating that.

Marcia

Hi Marcia!

You’re welcome Marcia. Yes. My wife couldn’t meet my needs as well. That didn’t make her bad or wrong. That’s just what was. What I learned from my marriage was she was a wonderful clarifier of what I really wanted. So our marriage was good for me. Perhaps you can see from a standpoint of the love you feel for him, that benefit you offer your husband.

It’s interesting. I participate in a discussion group of varied gendered people. When talking with both trans “men” and trans “women”, they revealed that they find being among cis-women and cis-men, now that they have transitioned, as very challenging. They find cis-people (men and women) far more distinct from them than they originally thought. It’s challenging acknowledging the accuracy of what you’re saying though because many, many, MANY transgirls want so bad to find a place to “fit in” rather than finding satisfaction and joy in their own distinctness, being as something different from both man or woman. It’s not as homogenous as you would think though. For there are, indeed, some transgirls who acknowledge that they are not “women”.

It’s all about the stories people are telling, right?

Until that unwillingness to accept themselves goes away, it’s going to be challenging doing away with this conversation. Part of our work at The Transamorous Network is having people authentically embrace who and what they are. For some, it’s a very long road. Glad we could help you chart your path.

TTN

Letters@The Transamorous Network

Lovd@The_Transamorous_Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy. This particular exchange we are sharing because we strongly believe the narrative expressed by the writer has value for trans-attracted men, as well as transgender women who are capable of being compassionate towards women impacted by men struggling with their trans attraction. Trans attraction is serious business and is NOT A FETISH. It has long-term impacts for everyone involved. We at The Transamorous Network understand this and have compassion not only for the men, but for the women (both trans and cis) impacted by their short- and long-term decisions.


SECOND WARNING: This exchange contains material that may be highly offensive and triggering for transgender people. We strongly suggest that if you are triggered by content that may be perceived by you as invalidating or erasure, you should NOT read the following.


 

“My wife never measured up because she couldn’t. She wasn’t trans.”

How fucking sad this statement is. Do you have any idea how much this destroys the woman who tries to measure up? To the man dressed as a woman and her husband who cannot admit his sexuality.

Forgive me, but I resent these men who want to call themselves women. Maybe my resentment is displaced for my husband whose attraction to these men dressed as women has utterly destroyed my self-esteem.

I’m not sure where to place my anger – for these men who are GAY and dress/transform into women so they can be with men OR for these men who are GAY who enjoy being with men who dress/transform as women but are confused by their sexuality and attempt to live a “straight” life.

My husband and his denial have utterly ruined my self-esteem as a woman and wasted a good amount of my life to be in a genuine relationship. I am angry, hurt and frankly bitter towards the porn industry that introduced him to these men. My life is destroyed and my heart is broken.

Meena

Hi Meena

I understand your resentment, your anger and frustration. I also understand your unacceptance of the people for whom your husband is attracted to.

How did you come to this website? What were you searching for? If you’ve looked around our content, you’ll notice something (although this may be extremely hard to hear from where you currently are): your self-esteem isn’t ruined, although I know to you it feels that way. At the same time, since you believe that it is, it is true for you: your self-esteem is ruined.

But it’s also not.

Just because you believe it is ruined doesn’t mean that truth is objectively real, like separate from your thoughts. You can have a quite-intact self esteem AND, believe it or not, still love your husband, even though you two may no longer be together.

I get though how that feels so out of reach right now.

There’s another reality in which you both have gone on your individual way, and along those paths both of you are happy. No resentment, no bitterness. Everyone happy.

Someday that will be your truth. But I get that right now, it’s not.

TTN

Dear TTN

Thank you for your thoughtful response. Forgive me but I think it is easy for you to respond in this way because you are living on the other side of the coin. While you talk about your wife in this article, do you really know how deeply this affected her?

Is it easier to brush it away as incompatibility or just both parties are happy now. I really think this is a delusion to help men (like you and my husband) to feel ok about the choice you have made. After nearly 20 years of marriage, I am devastated. I truly believe that my entire marriage has been a sham and that i must not be pretty enough, feminine enough or good enough. Your response makes you feel better for the choices you have made. I believe my husband is a COWARD who destroyed my life and self-esteem in order to live a facade of a life he thought he should.

So, I’m supposed to be ok because now he has found himself and can be in an authentic relationship. I think this is what you guys tell yourselves to make yourselves feel better for the TRUE women that you destroy. We are left in your aftermath to pick up the pieces and try to put our lives back together and find some sense of worth again.

I found your site after searching up the issue in a desperate attempt to find understanding and comfort at the sham of my last 20 years.

My only response to both you and my husband is I hope it was worth it. I hope denying your attraction at the expense of another human being and destroying that person so you could be with your transsexual [SIC] was worth it. I hope it was worth it that i became suicidal. I hope it was worth it that are children now live in a broken home. I hope it was worth it that I now require anti-anxiety and antidepressant medications in order to function. God, I hope my peace of mind and life were worth it.

Meena

Hi again Meena,

Rather than replying at length here, I would like to offer this: let’s talk on the phone or via Skype or Zoom where we can see one another or at least hear one another. I know that were we to talk in real time, you might find enormous relief from these feelings you’re experiencing and the actual physically real experiences you’re having.

It’s not an attempt to silence you here in the comments section. As you see, I’ve posted your comments verbatim, immediately and unedited. It’s more that, despite what you’re claiming here, I really do understand what’s happening with you and with my ex-wife and with your former husband. And, it could be helpful for you if we shared that knowledge together in real time.

This is a fee offer Meena. And I’m willing to talk with you as long as or as many times as needed.

Perry

Hi Perry,

Thank you for responding to my comment and the offer to talk with me via phone/skype/etc. I apologize for posting my comments on your site and appreciate your thoughtful and compassionate responses.

I don’t wish to talk with you at this time as I am under the care of an AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) and am currently working on keeping myself safe. I am fearful that talking with you may push me further towards my self-destructive behaviors. At this time, I am working under a contract with her so I don’t need to be hospitalized for my suicidal ideation. Please forgive me, but I believe talking to you would only further my desire to find quiet and peace in my mind.

My husband’s lies and betrayal have frankly devestated me and sense of safety and security. I may find forgiveness for him eventually but right now I am simply working on surviving for myself and my children each day. I fear talking to you about this issue will only validate my feelings of worthlessness – as you are like my husband and have given up your marriage for someone you found better and more attractive.

I don’t see where you could bring me any comfort. I wish you and your dating network all the best and hope you find success – hopefully not at the expense of other human beings.

Meena

Hi Meena,

I think you’re presuming what my intentions are, and that’s ok. I only know that I could help you find peace and calm, mental and emotional clarity and then empowerment pretty much immediately. That’s why I was offering. Conversing with me wouldn’t “push you towards more destructive behaviors”, instead, it could quite quickly reconnect you with your feelings of empowerment, security and knowing; the exact opposite of what you have expressed as a fear.

But I understand where you are, not because I’m trans-attracted and divorced, but because I understand other things you and I (and everyone else) shares.

Just so you know, I didn’t leave my wife because I found a trans woman. My wife divorced me because she found other men she preferred. It was a great move on her part and I don’t blame her or vilify her for her choices. And no, I currently am not with a trans woman. I prefer to focus on my growing enterprises.

Hopefully this provides the clarity it was meant to offer. The offer I made earlier still stands should you ever choose to act on it.

As for your comments on The Transamorous Network, you don’t have to apologize at all because your comments, as painful as they may have been to share, will help more people than you know as they seek their own understanding and freedom in the new reality we all find ourselves in.

Be well Meena.

Perry

Dear Perry,

Thank you for your kind and compassionate response. I feel that you are a very caring and empathetic person who is trying to help me. 

I’m not sure I am in a place to find empowerment.  I have an 18 year marriage that is a sham.  I have been married to a man who was sexually attracted to something other than what I can offer.  We have struggled with sex for 18 years  – he always claimed a lower libido that me – and I am so stupid that I tried for so long to try to be what he said he wanted and liked.  I discovered his transattraction early in our marriage and I allowed him to convince me that it was just a fetish and that his primary attraction was to cis-gender women.  After all this time and recently discovering some sexting activity on his part (while recovering from breast cancer none the less – but who needs real breasts when your husband prefers the implants attached to a body with a penis), I realize I have been in denial because I love him and he is the father of my children. He wants to be with a tranny – though he says he never has had sex with one – but at different times in his life he has met ones he found attractive.   

Never the less, as a cisgender woman, I can tell you that transsexual women maintain a certain masculinity that is extremely obvious to real women (because they are NOT real women) – no matter how much surgery or hormones they have had.  As a result of being married to a man who is transattracted, I have begun to worry as a CISGENDER FEMALE – are my features masculine?  Do I look like a tranny? Is that why he was attracted to me?  Do other people think I look like a man dressed as a woman? I have lost all sense of self-confidence and esteem as a woman as well as my sense of safety and security. 

I think it is easy for you to chalk this up to well, both parties can now be happy.  He can be with a transsexual and I can be – I don’t know – because I can’t imagine that another human being would want to be with me – (i must look like a tranny and my husband of 18 years is attracted to MEN  – albeit dressed like women with breast implants and a shit ton of make-up).  Right now, I see no happy solution to this.  I am so glad you can find the sunshine and rainbows in this.  I’m sorry but after 18 years of marriage, this is destruction of another human being because he is too macho to admit to himself, his friends or family that he likes men who dress as women!  I found your site in a desparate attempt to understand and frankly, reassure me that he actually does just have a fetish and truly is into REAL women.  Your site only confirmed my worst nightmare. I am lost and devastated.  

You can keep your site going and kid yourself that all will be well for men who are into trannies and destroy their marriages in order to indulge in this sexual fetish.  And frankly, it will – despite all the women it destroys and leaves in the aftermath.    How could you really make a difference?  Save two lives? You should focus your efforts on younger men who are struggling to understand themselves – before they enter into a heterosexual relationship – and help them enter into relationships for their TRUE nature.  This would save so much destruction and possibly some lives.  You see, the only people who come out on top in this scenario are the men you help to find their TRUE authentic nature and marry, date or have sex with trannies all the while destroying those women who have committed to them and thought they had a husband who loved them.  

I apologize for my hostility and anger – I am still searching for peace and answers – and your site has provided me with a horrible ugly truth that is very hard for me to accept.  I kept searching for answers that lead down a different path – one that confirmed my marriage, confirmed that I hadn’t married a man who preferred to be with MEN, confirmed that I am an attractive, desirable and worth while woman deserving of a relationship and not some pathetic hideous woman who can serve as as a facade/sham for a man who truly is into MEN. 

I thank you again for your compassionate response to me – as I know my thoughts and ideas are very attacking of your entire endeavor.  

My only hope is that my pain might help save someone from this horrible experience and ultimately save their life.

Meena

We offered Meena a free live engagement to help her. To date, she has not responded.

This exchange shows how serious this is for everyone involved. If you’re trans attracted and feel shame and embarrassment about this natural part of you, we encourage you to consider this: the sooner you come into owning who you are, the better off everyone will be.

That being said, stories people tell create their reality. Often “stories people tell” blind them to their own intuition, which is always accurate. As you can see in Meena’s experience, several times her intuition led her to evidence in response to her questions, which came in the form of suspicion. Instead of listening to her knowing, she told stories which caused her to ignore her knowing.

Everyone is a match to the partner they are with. In other words, it always takes two.

Whenever a person ignores answers they receive, and everyone always receives answers they seek, such answers will get bigger – more intense, harder to ignore – until the person “gets it”. By then, a lot of cleaning up may be required.

It’s possible to avoid all this. If you’re in a long-term relationship or marriage, or you’re contemplating marrying a cis-woman, but you are trans attracted, we urge you to consider the significance of your choices.

And, at the same time, it takes two. Meena’s struggle reflects her husband’s struggle as both create one another through stories they tell.

Find out more. We are available to everyone.

Heterosexuality And Trans Attraction

 

NOT_GAY
Photo by Brian Kyed on Unsplash

Labels are like too tight pants. Have you ever gained weight, then tried to pull on pants that no longer fit? It’s uncomfortable, right? Belly and love handles spill over belt loops like foamy beer overflowing a stein.

I spoke with a trans-attracted man recently who claimed heterosexual as his label. He came to me like many trans-attracted men, stressed out. So much so he stressed his straightness to me, holding it before him like a shield in hopes it would deflect that super scary label: gay.

I explained to him problematic features labels come with. Labels, I said, offer boundaries far too narrow, so narrow they restrict everyone’s humanity. Like a collective pair of too tight pants.

Boundaries separating “straight” from “gay” restrict in the extreme, especially in men. One whiff of suspicion triggers some straight men so profoundly they resort to violence. That’s how uncomfortable such labels are.

This guy, Trevor I’ll call him, struggled with his heterosexuality while facing his attraction to Pre-Op transgender women. I told him he had nothing to fear about being gay because most traditional gay men wouldn’t find transgender women attractive, not because they are women, but because they aren’t men. Not in any sense that a gay man would usually find attractive.

Weezies comment
Gay men aren’t interested in being with trans women. Because they (trans women) aren’t men.

This eased Trevor’s mind a little. Then something funny happened that wasn’t funny in the moment, but reflecting on the conversation after the fact made me smile.

Visibly relieved, Trevor and I next talked about how he could explore his trans attraction. He had never been with a transgender woman, wanted to try it, but didn’t know how or where.

I never encourage men to go after such explorations. Especially when they feel like Trevor – insecure, shame-filled and nervous – because stories triggering such feelings are so strong, one is bound to have unsatisfying experiences. Experiences like this:

Drama
A client navigating his trans attraction.

When a man feels shame and embarrassment about his trans attraction, those feelings tell him he’s on the way to meeting someone matching that state, and what will happen next won’t be fun. But most men don’t know this.

Rather than pursuing anything, I suggest the man exercise patience while sorting out his stories. In doing so, he will naturally attract trans women into his experience. The more secure he gets in his stories, the higher quality women he will meet. And, searching becomes unnecessary, nor do costly websites. Instead, the women will come to him.

My case is a good example. In recent weeksI’ve met an Army company commander who now works at Google who is trans, a former data and communications tech who is trans, and two successful business owners who are trans.

What I offer works, you see.

Anyway, as I worked with Trevor, helping him ease his anxieties, he suddenly said something interesting.

“Now I’m thinking about wanting to try sex with men.”

That didn’t surprise me at all. This statement explains why labels unnaturally confine human experience. These thoughts Trevor entertained about sex with men were normal.

You see, humanity in general comes to earth to explore, play and delight in wide varieties of experiences. Sexual experiences along with every other experience are all within bounds.

When a person rigidly clings to labels and subscribes to their limits, stories associated with that clinging not only restrict what that person knows will delight them, stress between what the person knows and what the person believes creates stories which in turn create all kinds of mental turbulence…and realities matching that turbulence.

What’s interesting is how calmly Trevor accepted this new thought. He sat there thinking about it, tried to deny it only for a moment, then let it pass. I know this was the authentic Trevor, the eternal being here for the fun of exploration, I was now talking with.

So I told Trevor what I knew he was ready to hear; that he is an eternal being free of any label and delightfully eager to explore all kinds of life experiences. And, in that delight and play, he positively influences people around him and the world in general, which is exactly what Trevor knew he would do when he decided to incarnate. I told him his trans attraction, if pursued, would extend into the future a path so exhilarating, exciting and satisfying that he would not only relish his unfolding life, he would positively affect the lives to those around him.

That resonated with him, I know. But almost as soon as he acknowledged what I said, that too tight label reasserted itself and I felt Trevor get uncomfortable. Before that though, he said something else:

“I love you.” Yes, he said that to me.

That didn’t surprise me either. At the bottom of all this life stuff, we are flowing love eager to love. I know when I freed myself of the confines of any label, my love flowed and continues to flow, just like Trevor’s did in that brief second.

Which is enough. For once your eternal love shines through, there’s no going back. Only forward. Including embracing your trans attraction.