I manage the this blog as well as another, called Positively Focused. Positively Focused also has a YouTube channel. On that channel I dive deep into the Positively Focused practice, which is the same practice I talk about on this blog.
A transgender client recently created for herself a remarkable series of events using the practice I walk clients through. It was worthy of a YouTube video celebrating the experience because she thought what happened was impossible….until it happened. I thought it so good I would share it here with my readers of this blog. I think you’ll find it remarkable. Definitely worth watching…
Trans women, like all people, are powerful creators. The best way to express that creative ability is by telling better stories. Like Samira has done, you can do the same thing. Nothing stands between you and getting what you want but you. Samira figured this out (pretty quickly). You can too.
TL;DR:In this post the author explores how a trans-attracted client learns that emotional alignment, not reassurance, determines relationship outcomes, revealing why practicing telling better-feeling stories transforms conflict, stabilizes love, and changes relationships for the better.
Last night, a man left an anonymous comment on one of my The Transamorous Network articles. The gist was: If a man is attracted to a penis, he must be gay. Trans women aren’t real women.
It wasn’t an honest question or a reach for understanding. What it was was the old cultural reflex—a stunted, fear-based assertion from someone absolutely certain they already know everything.
I deleted the message.
I deleted it because I’m not interested in hosting dead-end consciousness in a space meant for expansion, which this blog is absolutely about: expansion.
The irony, of course, is that the very belief expressed in that comment is exactly what causes so many trans-attracted men to deny themselves, hide, sabotage, and settle for relationships that never fit. It also creates trans women who hate themselves and, as a result of that self-hate, project that self-hatred on to trans-attracted men.
And that brings me to “Bob.”
Bob is a Transamorous Network client. He’s a good guy. A sincere guy. He’s also in a relationship that could become the relationship of his life… if he learns what most people never do: That Bob is the common denominator in every relationship he’s ever had.
Learning that opens a doorway to everything everybody wants in relationships. And in everything else.
The Honeymoon Begins
Bob met a trans woman I’ll call “Maria.” When he met her, she was doing sex work. She’s been doing that for a very long time, here in the U.S. and abroad. She also transitioned young.
So yes: Maria carries a lot of negative momentum – disempowering beliefs about many subjects. These subjects include men, relationships, sex, safety, worthiness, power and what love costs. Most of all, however, she holds disempowering beliefs about what she, herself, deserves. In other words, she, like many trans women, and trans-attracted men, has self-worth issues.
And Bob? Bob has his own negative momentum too—years of painful relational patterning with unsavory cis gender partners, repeated betrayals, repeated instability, repeated “here we go again” endings. Bob’s disempowering beliefs drive all of that. And all of that is exactly what drew Bob and Maria together. For Bob and Maria are perfect matches. Just like any two people in any relationship.
So when they met, the honeymoon hit hard. It hit so hard, Bob only saw the perfect in Maria. He saw her beauty, her focus. Bob appreciated the straightforwardness and determination Maria possessed, which was born of her many years of having to fend for herself. He embraced how unusually self-possessed Maria seemed compared to women of his past. Part of his astonishment was Maria is the first trans woman he’s ever met, let alone dated.
So all this swept both Bob and Maria up in a whirlwind nearly everyone finds themselves caught up in during the honeymoon stage of a fresh relationship.
When The Bubble Pops
I knew that stage wouldn’t last and tried to warn Bob what lay beyond that temporary phase so he could get ahead of it. But Bob couldn’t hear me over the din of strong momentum about what he thought was a perfect match. It IS a perfect match. But not in the romantic, almost fairy-tale way Bob perceived it.
But Bob would have nothing other than what he perceived. As a result, in a little over 6 months in, Bob proposed. Then he bought a ring. He promised to financially support Maria so she could stop the sex work. His commitment to Maria was total.
Again, he did all of this while the relationship was still suspended in that intoxicating early bubble—when both people are mostly projecting their highest hopes onto the other person and interpreting everything through the lens of it’s meant to be.
Bob and Maria can have the love they see the potential of. But at least one of them must take matters into their spiritual hands.
That’s precisely when the honeymoon ended. Just as it always does. When the honeymoon ends, what surfaces is not “the truth” about the other person. What surfaces is more illusion, only this time born of dominant negative momentum. It’s our dominant negative momentum of beliefs, born of past experience we interpret negatively. Those negative interpretations dictate how our future life goes, how relationships go and how people we meet show up in our lives.
And since that momentum is negative, we begin seeing those things which confirm our negative beliefs in our current relationship. That is where Bob is now. Maria too. And last night, for the first time in a long time (35 sessions) Bob actually saw the value of what I offer clients.
A Vicious Pattern of Momentum
One of the most destabilizing moments for Bob has been realizing something I’ve been saying for months: Maria hasn’t changed. She hasn’t gone from this perfect, ideal lover and potential wife to something less than that. Not really. What’s changing is Bob’s interpretation of Maria—because his own negative belief momentum is now active enough to hijack his perception. That’s what happens when “the honeymoon is over”.
We meet someone. We project our ideals onto the other person. Then we attach to them and in doing so lose ourselves. Then we try building a future with that person, the person we’ve created from our idealized ideations. Typically we try building that future fast.
But then the idealized projection collapses. And it collapses because the belief momentum built on idealized ideation can’t prevail against decades of negative momentum born of past experience. When that collapse happens, self-incrimination, blame and anger surfaces. Bob sees it as an entire different version of him. “Dark Bob” he calls it.
Dark Bob wants to say to Bob things like “Maria is not who I thought she was.” “She tricked me.” “I was wrong about her.” “She’s a threat.” “I can’t trust her.” “Love isn’t real.”
But none of that needs to drive Bob’s experience. What did happen, however, is typical of most people in relationships. Especially cis-trans relationships. Here’s the thing: unless Bob (and you, dear reader) does something about his disempowering, negative beliefs on a number of subjects, beliefs born of decades of feeding them, any perceived negative act Maria displays will trigger those old beliefs. Those old beliefs generate an emotion. And that belief/emotion construct becomes the lens through which Bob perceives Maria and acts in response to her.
Bob isn’t alone in this.
The Mirror Doesn’t Need Blame
The exact same thing is happening in Maria. When she allows old habitual beliefs, beliefs based on survival, threat and insecurity, to dominate, she too feels emotions, then perceives Bob through her distortion. When that happens, she acts from that distortion.
Now both people are blaming each other for what the mirror is showing them. That’s right. In every relationship, but particularly romantic ones, each partner reflects back to the other, whatever beliefs are dominant in that person. This is a constant, fundamental principle of how the Universe works. Life experience is a reflection of what emanates from within us.
Where else do you think life experience comes from?
And because of this, we each possess tremendous potential to deliberately create life experiences filled with nothing but what we want. Including ideal lovers. Doing that, however, requires knowing the people (and events and circumstances) are mirrors. And knowing that criticizing, blaming, attacking, or belittling a partner is totally missing the point.
It’s like blaming your reflection for having spinach in your teeth.
In every relationship, your partner is reflecting back to you what you carry in yourself.
Bob described moments where Maria would get internally activated. She’d be jealous, express anger (the flip side of powerlessness), or frustrated at Bob. These are all emotions. He also described moments where he would get internally activated. He’d get defensive, self-critical, fearful or feel disrespected. These are emotions too. And here’s the part that matters: Both of them are bringing the capacity to “snap” into this relationship.
Snapping at one’s partner doesn’t mean we’re bad people. It’s just a pattern we’ve practiced. A pattern born of amplifying negative belief momentum. It happens when very strong negative beliefs take us over. When they do, we have no other alternative but to act in ways consistent with the emotion (anger, fear, threat, insecurity) we feel. That’s what “snapping” is.
You Can’t “Manage” Your Partner’s Triggers
That snapping—whether it becomes arguments, accusations, emotional withdrawal, or dramatic escalation—exists both in Bob’s and Maria’s past. That’s why their previous relationships went the way they went. So now, they’re meeting these behaviors again…together.
And if they don’t understand what is happening, they’ll do the usual human thing: react, blame, justify, and repeat. But if even one person in the relationship learns how reality works—if one person learns how to stay in empowerment, sovereignty and love—then the relationship becomes something else entirely.
It becomes what I call the pearl-maker. The grit in the oyster becomes the pearl because the oyster doesn’t treat grit as an enemy. Negative experiences in relationships are the grit in this case. These experiences offer tremendous opportunity for everyone involved. Most people miss the opportunity though.
One of the most subtle traps Bob fell into is one that looks like love, but isn’t. It’s the trap of emotional responsibility. He described trying to behave in ways that would keep Maria from getting triggered. For example, Maria’s insecurity is so strong, even if she perceives Bob looking at a trans prostitute, she gets on his case. She accuses him of wanting more than she can offer. She expresses fear that she can’t satisfy him. This, of course, drives Bob crazy. That’s because he’s not feeling any of that. And no matter what words he uses, he can’t convince Maria otherwise.
So instead, he’s beginning to box himself in. He’s very careful to not even glance in the general direction of a prostitute, in hopes of keeping Maria’s mental finger off her trigger.
This is common in all relationships because people often carry social pressure and internalized shame—so the instinct becomes: “Let me be careful so I don’t rock the boat.” But that carefulness is poison. Because now we’re not relating as two sovereign adults. Instead we’re relating as two disempowered people trying to control outcomes. Outcomes born in vibration (thought, belief, focus, stories). Outcomes that have manifested already.
And no one can control those.
Finding and Holding the Center
What I offer clients is ruthless on this matter. You cannot be responsible for how your partner feels. And they cannot be responsible for how you feel. If Maria is insecure, Bob cannot “fix” that insecurity. He can’t do it by shrinking himself, censoring himself, or contorting himself into a performance of safety. No can he fix it through words.
If he tries those routes they just teach Maria that her insecurity is valid and that Bob is dangerous unless managed or controlled. And there is nothing humans like less than being controlled. Controlling Bob is not empowering for Maria. And it’s not authentic for Bob.
So what’s the alternative? Bob must become the one who holds the center of their relationship. Not by controlling Maria. Nor by forcing her to change. Not by changing himself either. Instead, he must refuse to collapse into interpretations alive in him that rise to the level of conscious awareness whenever Maria collapses into interpretations alive in her when they rise to her conscious awareness.
This is where the practice becomes real. After all, anyone can be loving when everything is easy. But can you be loving when your partner is projecting? Can you stay in clarity when your partner is chaotic? Can you stay open when your partner is defensive? How about when your partner is showing you they’re “ugly”? This is what I show clients how to do.
And when they do, they become a stabilizing field. And when they become that stabilizing field, reality reorganizes around them. Including other people.
In order for Bob to get what he wants with Maria, he’s got to stabilize his field and rest in his sovereign power. That comes from refusing to collapse into Maria’s insecurities.
The Equation That Changes Everything
Here is the equation I gave Bob—an equation I’ll keep giving him until it becomes muscle memory: When you feel negative emotion, you are allowing thoughts that will create more reality experiences that include what you’re feeling negative about. Nothing else is responsible for that negative emotion, or for what you experience. Period.
Thought creates the emotion. It’s really vibration, but hardly anyone has access to the frequency they’re vibrating. My advance clients learn to access that, but that level of mastery isn’t necessary to radically change relationships (and the potential for having fulfilling relationships).
If you’re up to speed with what you’re reading this should be obvious. Clients who’ve been with me a while find it obvious: Your negative emotion is not evidence that your partner is wrong, nor is it evidence that they did anything to you.
What your negative emotion tells you is you are interpreting the moment through distortion. When Bob feels defensive, it’s because he is telling himself a story in which Maria is an attacker. But Maria is not attacking him. Not ever. She might be projecting her fear. She might be expressing her insecurity in a clunky way. Or she might be reacting from a lifetime of survival momentum, blaming Bob in the process and making a mess of their relationship. But that is not an attack.
What is it? It’s a mirror showing what’s inside Bob.
And if Bob uses the mirror correctly, he can do something extraordinary: He can tell a better-feeling story. Not a fake story, not a delusional story. A better-feeling story—one that aligns with love, clarity, and empowerment. When he does that consistently, he becomes unconditionally in love. Love is an emotion. In other words, he doesn’t need his external conditions to be a certain way in order for him to feel a certain way.
That is creative power.
Freedom Found in Love
Because when Bob stays in love, he stops reacting to Maria’s defenses born of her negative belief momentum. He stops feeding her insecurity. Bob stops reinforcing her old story about men, relationships, and about herself. And as he changes, as he remains sovereign from her negative momentum, something else remarkable must happen: the version of Maria he experiences must change. She must change to match his higher vibrational stability in love as his mirror.
This won’t happen because Bob pressured her. It will happen because Bob stopped practicing aligning to the reality in which he rendezvous with the Maria who feels unstable, unsafe, or unworthy.
There’s a lot at stake for Bob. They’ve exchanged engagement rings. He’s planning to relocate to Mexico permanently. There’s a future on the line. And for the first time since engaging with the practice I offer, Bob is waking up to a new reality. One that asserts this practice isn’t a philosophical luxury. It’s a relational necessity.
That’s why he recently asked to see me more than just once a week. Now that he’s ready, I’m starting him on a daily appreciation practice in the morning—when things are calm—so he can build the muscle memory before the “shit hits the fan” with Maria. Because when the fan gets hit, he won’t rise to the occasion. He’ll default to what he’s practiced. And if Bob defaults to his old, practiced momentum, this relationship will become another painful chapter.
But if Bob defaults to deliberate alignment—if he becomes the one who holds the center—then Maria does not have to be “fixed” for this relationship to become a pearl. She only has to be met. Met with unconditional love. If all trans-attracted men and trans women could offer this real, powerful unconditional love, every cis-trans relationship would be glorious.
That’s the path I offer my clients. It’s the power inherent in better-feeling stories. And it’s based on the one constant of the Universe. A constant every major spiritual path outlines: Being 100% in love—on purpose—no matter what, leads to fulfillment, joy and expansion.
If you recognize yourself in Bob, or perhaps as a trans woman see yourself in Maria, you could benefit from learning what I offer my clients.
It makes a world of difference. Every one of my clients know this. You can too. Reach out if this resonates. I’d be happen to talk with you initially for free.
TL;DR: The author reflects on two contrasting interactions with trans women—one critical, one affirming—as divine guidance. The post explores how vibrational alignment shapes experience and how all feedback is a mirror.
Recently, I had two experiences unfold within days of each other — one critical, one deeply affirming. On the surface, they couldn’t have been more opposite. But viewed through the lens of “Your stories create your reality”, they were identical in purpose. They both came to show me something.
One was a correspondence with a transgender woman—let’s call her Janet—who found my work on The Transamorous Network off-putting. The other was a heartfelt 1:1 consultation with a different transgender woman—let’s call her Nancy—who reached out after reading 20+ blog posts and loving the material. Nancy is a scientist, nearly finished with medical school, and also steeped in clinical psychology. And yet, what she said after our session struck me the most: “Yes: I want to work with you.”
Let’s rewind to what led up to that moment.
Janet’s comments: Resistance in Disguise
When Janet first reached out, she let me know right away she didn’t like what I was writing about. She disagreed with the term “transamorous.” She challenged the need to even distinguish between attraction to cis women and attraction to trans women. In her view, labeling that difference was, at best, redundant—and at worst, invalidating to trans identities.
I get it.
Many trans women carry deep scars from rejection, invalidation, and dismissal — particularly from men. So when someone like me comes along and dares to suggest that trans-attraction is its own unique phenomenon — not fetish, not confusion, but something spiritually profound — it can bring up all kinds of discomfort, what I call a Belief Confrontation.
But discomfort doesn’t mean I’m wrong. It means I’m touching something real. So I responded to Janet with clarity, not defensiveness. I explained:
That trans-attracted men often go through years—decades, even—of pain, confusion, and self-hatred.
Many of them love trans women, and yet, their love is hard to express inside a culture that insists on binaries.
Transamory is not a rejection of trans womanhood. It’s an embrace of it. A spiritual calling that draws a man toward a woman whose path, like the man’s path, includes a powerful transformation.
But what I most wanted her to know was this: You don’t need to agree with my work. My work is not about convincing. It’s about aligning. It’s here for those who resonate — because they’re ready to love and be loved in a new way.
And then — just a few days later — Nancy showed up.
Nancy’s Arrival: Alignment Echoes Loudly
Nancy is in the middle of her transition and is contemplating gender confirmation surgery. But she reached out to me because she sensed something about that desire didn’t feel entirely clear, among other things, including the kinds of men she had been meeting. She wondered if her experiences were coming from positive stories or unhelpful ones.
So she set up a 1:1.
We spoke far longer than the usual 30-minute free session. Why? Because we both felt resonance. Here was a woman steeped in science—medicine, psychology—and yet, she wasn’t looking for a therapist. She was looking for resonance; a deeper knowing. Something that went beyond textbooks, data sets and science.
She’s going to find it in this practice.
I didn’t tell her what to do about surgery. That’s not my job. What I offered instead was a reflection of her own knowing. I helped her sense whether her momentum was aligned or reactive. And in that space, something clicked. That’s why she wanted to become a client.
Janet and Nancy weren’t opposites. They were a coinciding.
And that’s when it hit me: Janet and Nancy weren’t opposites. They were a coinciding. They arrived within the same week, orbiting the same subject—me and my work—offering radically different reflections. Janet revealed the remnants of past momentum. Nancy confirmed my current alignment.
And that’s the beauty of what I teach. To explain:
A Return from Negative Momentum
Back in December, I stopped writing for The Transamorous Network blog. Perhaps you noticed. I noticed that my focus on trans-attraction and transamory back then had slipped into negative momentum focus. I was drawing more and more criticism from angry readers—many of whom didn’t understand my perspective or what I was offering. All of them were trans women.
I tried for a long time to clear up their misunderstandings and limited beliefs. But those people couldn’t hear what I was saying. That’s because their Belief Constellations ranged far from where I am in my knowledge about life experience. So the more I tried to uplift them, the harder they pushed. And the harder they pushed, the more entrained I got.
Until I realized what I was doing.
When I did, I stopped pushing against that resistance. I stepped back and allowed my vibration to recalibrate. No more posts for that blog! In doing so, I let the negative momentum subside by not feeding it further.
I stepped back and allowed my vibration to recalibrate.
Months later—without me publishing a single new post—new readers began reaching out again. Trans-attracted men, wives of trans-attracted men, even gay men sent me messages. They all were asking for guidance, for support, for answers. Not with anger—but with curiosity and warmth. And with understanding that I offer something of value.
That’s how I knew something shifted.
And then came Janet and Nancy, nearly at the same moment. Both represented clear reflections that I was now standing in a different vibrational space—one where I was ready to choose what momentum I wanted to amplify.
An Option to Focus
Janet mirrored my old stories—stories I had already soothed. Stories that had me pushing against trans women’s lack of understanding, insecurity and anger. Nancy mirrored new energy—stories I was now allowing. Ease in my being. Allowing instead of pushing. Letting the Universe present me with what I want. Not pushing against what I don’t.
Both Janet and Nancy offered a chance to decide where I wanted to place my focus and which stories I wanted to foster. They invited me to ask myself: Do I want more of this (Nancy)? Or more of that (Janet)?
Not because one is good and the other is bad. But because the Universe will always give us what we focus on.
So I leaned into Nancy’s presence—her clarity, her eagerness, her willingness to explore. And with that choice, I messaged Janet and let her know I was ending the correspondence. I told her why—not out of avoidance, or anger, but out of alignment. I explained that I was following what felt best, and honoring where my energy was now flowing.
Letting that go was a powerful, gentle release. It reminded me: Everyone is a divine being offering guidance—not always with praise or agreement, but always with clarity if we’re willing to see it.
I leaned into Nancy’s presence — her clarity, her eagerness, her willingness to explore.
Choosing Your Life
The Universe doesn’t waste energy. Every moment, every message, every person who shows up in our lives is exactly what we’ve summoned—not to test us, but to guide us.
Janet wasn’t a mistake. She wasn’t “negative.” She was a vibrational echo of the version of me who, not long ago, stopped writing for The Transamorous Network because I’d fallen into negative momentum. My old stories invited her critique. But I’ve shifted since then. I’ve tuned up. And that’s why Nancy came too.
One was contrast. The other, confirmation. Choosing our attention is choosing our life. The most important moment wasn’t when Janet criticized me. It wasn’t even when Nancy praised me. It was the moment I decided which direction to focus.
Was I going to spiral into defending myself to someone who didn’t want to hear me again? Or was I going to nurture the unfolding connection with someone who did? I chose Nancy. And that choice amplified my alignment even more. Then I also chose to lovingly release Janet from further correspondence — again, not out of anger, but because I no longer needed her reflection.
That’s how we move forward with grace.
For Trans Women and Trans-Attracted Men Alike
To my trans sisters: You are sovereign. You are radiant. And you don’t need to police how others love you in order to validate your womanhood. The men who love you aren’t broken. They’re becoming whole.
To the men: If you’re trans-attracted, and you’re still trying to figure out what that means—don’t try to figure it out alone. What you’re going through is not confusion. It’s a calling.
The Universe Never Misses. It never leads us astray. Janet and Nancy didn’t just show up by chance. They showed up because I asked for clarity. And the Universe answered with both: a reflection of where I’d been, and a glimpse of where I’m going. That’s how divine timing works. And that’s why I trust it more than anything.
Ready to experience this for yourself? If you’re ready to understand your desires—not through shame, but through soul—let’s talk. Schedule your free 1:1 session.
TL;DR: The author dismantles the myth that trans-attraction is fetishization, showing how authentic attraction to transgender women is distinct, deeply human, spiritually aligned and leaves trans-attracted men free to love themselves.
For years, one of the most common misconceptions I’ve encountered in my work with trans-attracted men and the women who love them is this: that being drawn to transgender women is just another form of fetishization. I used to hear this often in comments on my blog, and recently, a thoughtful reply raised the same point—comparing trans-attraction to a man preferring women of a certain race.
On the surface, that argument may sound convincing. Isn’t attraction just attraction? Isn’t trans-attraction simply one more “fixation,” no different from a preference for redheads or tall women? The truth, however, is far deeper. Reducing trans-attraction to fetishization not only misunderstands men’s lived experiences, it also undermines trans women’s authentic worth.
What Fetishization Really Means
Fetishization is the act of reducing another person to a body part, identity marker, or sexual novelty. It happens everywhere: racial fetishization, disability fetishization, and yes, fixation on transgender women. None of this is new. Human beings often project their insecurities or curiosities into sexual desire.
Yet fetishization, by its very nature, dehumanizes. A fetishizer sees only the attribute, not the whole person. When men are genuinely trans-attracted however, this is not what’s happening. They aren’t chasing “a trans body” or “a trans novelty.” They are attracted to transgender women ascomplete, multifaceted human beings who also happen to be trans.
The distinction matters. To call every instance of trans-attraction “fetishization” not only insults the men who experience it, it insults the trans women whose humanity gets reduced to a label.
How Trans-Attraction Is Different
In my twelve years of coaching trans-attracted men and couples facing problems due to trans attraction, I’ve learned that authentic trans-attraction isn’t a curiosity or a passing fixation. For many of these men, cisgender women don’t register as partners at all. Their desire, affection, and long-term compatibility all point toward trans women.
That makes “trans-attraction” more than just a “preference.” It’s an orientation that sits outside gay/straight binaries. Unfortunately, society’s misunderstanding of this creates enormous turmoil. When a man discovers his attraction to trans women, shame quickly follows. He may believe this makes him gay, broken, or perverse. None of that is true.
Further, cheating with a cis woman doesn’t shake a man’s sense of identity. Attraction to a trans woman often does. That existential crisis — “Am I gay? Am I still a man? Am I lovable?” — is what makes trans-attraction uniquely different from the examples critics often bring up.
Why Labels Create Both Clarity and Confusion
It’s fair to ask: does identifying as “trans-attracted” or “transamorous” create a new orientation? In some ways, yes—it gives men a safe language to understand themselves. Labels like “trans-attracted” are helpful starting points because they validate an experience men often carry in silence.
But labels are also limited. They can box people into identities that don’t fully reflect the richness of who they are. “Transgender” does the exact same thing for trans women. That’s why my work goes beyond labels. The ultimate goal is freedom — living authentically without fear of what others might say, and without clinging to social categories for validation.
This paradox shows up in trans communities, too. Many trans women rightly reject the gender binary, yet insist on being seen exclusively as “women,” rejecting any nuance that distinguishes their journey from that of cis women. Some even accuse men who appreciate their trans-ness of fetishization. In truth, empowered trans women I’ve met embrace the wholeness of their identity, without fear of being reduced.
“Trans attraction” gives men a starting place to understand themselves. From there, they can let go of labels and simply love.
The Hypocrisy of the Fetish Trope
Accusing all trans-attracted men of fetishization often says more about the accuser than the accused. Trans women who haven’t fully accepted their own trans-ness may feel objectified when a man affirms it. If she sees her trans identity as shameful, then anyone who finds it attractive must be “fetishizing” her. This is projection at work — her unresolved self-acceptance mirrored back through his desire.
That doesn’t mean fetishization never exists. Of course it does. Some men (and women) reduce others to novelty. But collapsing all trans-attraction into that category silences the many men who are sincerely, holistically drawn to trans women. It also denies trans women the dignity of being loved for all of who they are.
A Spiritual Perspective on Trans-Attraction
From a spiritual perspective, the attraction between trans-attracted men and transgender women is not random. These men are vibrational matches for these women. They come together not to perpetuate shame, but to reveal authenticity. Trans-attracted men often carry the role of affirming trans women’s worth, just as trans women often catalyze men into deeper self-honesty.
This isn’t fetishization. It’s alignment, sovereignty in action. It’s the unfolding of two people stepping into authenticity, even when culture doesn’t understand them.
The real issue isn’t whether trans-attraction is a fetish. The issue is whether men and women are willing to live from their authenticity. That authenticity is what dissolves shame, heals relationships, and creates love that lasts.
Conclusion: Beyond Fetish, Into Freedom
Fetishization reduces people to objects. Trans-attraction elevates them into whole-person connections. While some men may indeed objectify, most of the men I work with are struggling not because they fetishize, but because they fear. They fear rejection, shame, and what their attraction “means” about who they are.
Sound familiar trans women?
Labeling them fetishizers adds another layer of stigma. Seeing them as authentically trans-attracted opens the door to healing — for them, for their partners, and for the trans women they love. So, is trans-attraction fetishization?
TL;DR: This post compares two clients—Cliff and Justin—to explore the real meaning of trans-attraction. Through their stories, the author reveals key vibrational differences and offers support for men ready to find clarity.
In a recent post, I introduced two men — Romero and Cliff — who believed they were trans-attracted. But closer exploration revealed something else. Romero was simply trying to find a better label than “gay.” Cliff, while deeply in love with his wife, found himself “curious.”
Both used trans experiences to better understand themselves — but neither fit the profile of a truly trans-attracted man. This week, I want to introduce someone who does. I’ll call him “Justin”. His story draws a clear line between trans-attraction and everything else.
When Curiosity Isn’t Curiosity—It’s Clarity
Justin came to me in the midst of a painful divorce. It wasn’t his first. In fact, he described a long trail of relationships—all with cis women—all ending in emotional wreckage.
From the outside, you might think Justin had “bad luck.” But like every client I’ve ever worked with, Justin wasn’t unlucky. He was vibrationally unaware. He carried unacknowledged beliefs about himself, women, relationships, and life. Beliefs he picked up during childhood. Beliefs that haunted him. And those beliefs made him a poor match for the kind of love he was idealizing.
Because yes—Justin is a romantic. He wants love. He believes in long-term relationships. But belief in romance alone won’t get you one. You have to be vibrationally aligned to receive that kind of experience.
Justin wasn’t. At least, not yet.
From Numbing to Awakening
Like many men going through a breakup, Justin turned to porn. In his case, trans porn. But trans content wasn’t new to him. He had been drawn to it—compulsively—since he was a teen. This time, though, it led somewhere different. It didn’t numb him. It woke him up.
That’s when he found The Transamorous Network. From our first conversation, it was clear: Justin wasn’t just “curious.” He wasn’t trying to reframe a kink and wasn’t escaping a label. He wasn’t using trans women to test something else. He was, in fact, done with cis women. He was done pretending he could go back. That’s because he felt a deep, soulful pull toward trans women — to the exclusion of cis women.
That’s the hallmark of real trans-attraction.
Sure, Justin still finds cis women attractive. But when he pictures a future partner, it’s always a trans woman. No contest. No confusion. And no toggling back and forth.
Cliff, on the other hand, still feels most connected to his wife. And that’s ok. His trans experiences opened curiosity — but not clarity. That’s the difference between trans attraction…and something else.
Why Justin’s Current Relationship Still Might Not Work
Like many men in the early stages of discovering their trans-attraction, Justin entered what I call the “tranny chaser” phase. It’s a real, early-stage experience. The attraction is so strong it becomes manic. Men in this phase often flood themselves with porn, escorts, and fantasies — believing it’s finally the love they’ve been missing. But more often than not, it’s another loop. A vibrational replay of the very same stories that haunted them in cis relationships — just now, with different bodies.
Justin is currently involved with a trans escort I’ll call Marge. She lives in Mexico. She’s beautiful. And she’s expensive. She’s also a perfect vibrational match for where Justin currently stands.
Marge struggles with substance abuse. Justin once did too. Marge avoids emotional transparency. Justin still wrestles with that. Marge is sexually compulsive. Justin knows that dance intimately. This relationship, like all relationships, is a mirror. A mirror that’s purposeful.
They’re together to show what each needs to see in themselves. That’s the point.
He Wants Romance. He’s Getting Reflection.
Justin believes he’s in love. He thinks this might be “the one.” And maybe, it could be. But only if he’s willing to do the real work. He must stop trying to “get” a trans woman… And start owning who he is, vibrationally. In that way he’ll clean up his stories and stabilize his momentum. In that way he’ll become a match to the kind of love he actually wants.
Until then, his relationships will keep showing him… himself.
You might see yourself in Justin. Maybe you’ve been married to a cis woman, and it’s not working. Maybe you’ve tried to suppress your attraction to trans women. Or maybe you’ve been binging porn or seeing escorts… and wondering what that says about you.
Or maybe you’re more like Cliff: Curious, unsure. Hoping, perhaps, to explore — but not ready to leave the life you have. Both paths are valid. But they’re not the same. And you owe it to yourself to find out where you really stand.
If you see yourself in Justin or Cliff — or somewhere in between — let’s talk. You don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to guess what it means. And you don’t have to keep spinning in a loop. Book a free private consultation with me. Clarity is the first step toward freedom.
