Category: Transwomen

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How To Become Super Human, Trans or Trans-attracted

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

This post follows up from last week’s post “Why Trans People Don’t Produce Happy Love Lives”. The original responder followed up with another comment which I used to clarify even further how stories create reality. I’m including only relevant portions. Read her full reply here on Medium.

In today’s world, being clear about how things happen matters more than ever. Otherwise a person gets caught up in negative events and dragged along by their sloppy story-telling. Then they get more of the same. Their lives suck and, before you know it, they’re on drugs. Or depressed, feeling powerless and, yes, out of control.

None of that need happen. Instead, why not become super human?

Trans as a super power

The responder writes:

“I do know about positive thinking, however. If you had any idea of the journey I’ve traveled to arrive at where I am as a stealth Trans woman you would know. I may as well have wanted to be the first astronaut on Mars.“

This explains why so many transamorous men, after passing through their chaser and trans-attraction phases, into transamory find trans women alluring. Sure, trans women might have penises. They might look fantastic. Maybe not.

But what trans women go through significantly distinguishes them from most cis-women. Through that path they develop extraordinary toughness, passion, intelligence, self-awareness and confidence. Some possess an aggression which sometimes serves them well. That aggression shows as success in chosen fields, making them exceptional professionally. These traits also make them excellent partners.

The person who wrote me continues:

“Meeting or finding a partner feels different. I can’t control what others do. I’m not in control of the way Trans women are stereotyped and fetishized by popular culture. How many times have I met a family member of a significant other and watched their surprise that I was “so normal.” Positive thinking has helped me ignore or tolerate or endure the discrimination and rejection. I don’t know that I have overcome it. As a good friend said, I want to be loved FOR who I am NOT IN SPITE OF IT.”

“I don’t dwell on these things, nor use them as excuses, but simply acknowledge that they are real and empathize with my sisters regarding our mutual experiences with this path.”

Her perspective is great. Yes, these things exist. But they need not shape one’s experience. Neither bigotry, chauvinism, or any other negative belief set need be something you take on. The less one cares about what another thinks or feels, even if they direct their thoughts towards you, the better one’s life goes. No exceptions.

Just because something exists doesn’t mean it deserves your attention. Being super human means being way more selective about what you see. (Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash)

Empathizing: bad idea

But the moment, you take on another’s beliefs, those beliefs start creating YOUR reality. Which is why not dwelling on (stories) like “fetishization culture” or “transphobia” serves your best interest.

What most people don’t understand is “empathy” means “aligning with another person’s story”. When one feels what another feels, both people MUST resonate with the shared story. That’s why when someone empathizes with another going through a tough time, they feel the struggle in that. Society would tell you that’s worth doing. I’m saying it’s not. Not if you want what you really want.

Far better: create your best life. Then inspire others to empathize with that. That way you lift people up. Again, when one empathizes with another’s plight, that unfortunate situation brings them down. Whether they recognize the “downing” or not.

I say, don’t bring yourself down, bring others up!

“Plights” aren’t worth empathizing with. Energetically, doing so always brings you down. Want to help someone? Uplift them.

Of course successful transgender women know about positive thinking. Especially regarding their transition success. Still, such women might feel disempowerment in other life areas. It explains why some successful trans women remain single and lonely.

Same goes for everyone else. Dating websites take advantage of such imbalances.

Some successful people know more about “determination” and “will power” than positive thinking. This distinction reveals itself in successful people’s attitudes. Attitudes which reflect hefty doses of skepticism and resignation. Such attitudes come from struggle, working hard and other characteristics accompanying “determination” and “will power”.

These attitudes combined with often told stories about life areas not working out, reveal a lack of positivism.

You can shape others

Being trans or trans-attracted, you, dear reader, might claim positivity, yet still struggle. That’s why The Transamorous Network exists. It offers upliftment and a 100 percent success guarantee. Do what we describe and you’ll find everything you want, easy and quick.

So many think external circumstances and other people’s behaviors exist beyond their control. That belief distinguishes “Positive Thinking” from being Positively Focused.

My experience tells me a person can’t control what happens after it happens. This includes people’s behavior. No amount of positive thinking will change something that happened already.

Many people try changing people’s behavior that way. Changing people’s behavior after it shows up rarely works. When it does, it rarely lasts.

So many people tell us to be positive. But hardly anyone tells you how. But “how” is the key to being positive. We talk about “how” every week.

Effort that fails to impress

But people’s behavior comes from somewhere. All behavior starts as incipient impulse before it shows up. In other words, there’s an underlying origin of all physical phenomena, including human actions/behavior. When a person learns to leverage that, EVERYTHING that shows up shapes to that person’s desires. It does so because what they’re doing when leveraging that incipient reality is they create [shown up reality] before it shows up.

People trying to control other people’s behavior after the behavior happens, create feebly. I pasted the definition below because the it amplifies my point:

There’s no strength or force in trying to change people’s shown up behavior. But one can 100 percent convince and impress the Universe so it inspires behavior in others matching what one wants. That is, IF they discover the reality I refer to above. Then leverage it to their advantage.

Life matches what one wants when one realizes how that happens. I explain how that works every week in this blog. Most don’t understand how it works. But those who do become super human.

Then they get everything they want.

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Why Transgender And Trans-Attracted Love Is Powerful

We’ve said over and over that transgender woman and trans-attracted men potentially change the world for the better. We’ve also said how each transgender woman is special and mentioned the special role they play.

It’s likely no surprise to some transgender women that this is so. After all, early civilizations venerated trans people, saw them as more than ordinary humans and treated them as such.

But looking at how transgender women carry themselves in the world today, how they think about themselves, how they think about men who find them attractive, you’d think (mostly correctly) that many transgender women today don’t venerate themselves.

We created The Transamorous Network to help change that.

You don’t get it…until you do

It took our podcast co-host Remy a single tea date and reading our guides to get who she was. Two years later, she changed her life. She went from believing all men are scum to living her life powerfully, including drawing to her a man who moved across the country to marry her.

Today, more than two years later, they’re still married.

In the seed of every transgender woman a powerful, world-changing being lurks. Same is so for trans-attracted men.

But feeling shameful or insecure about being different or fearing what others think about your difference generates experiences counter to who transgender women and trans-attracted men really are. So too when trans women try extracting positive compliments from others, such as “passable/not passable?” or “fuckable/not fuckable?”

Such playful-seeming actions on the part of transgender women mask insecurity. No one who loves themselves cares about what others think about them.

Recently, Tiffany, a Transamorous Network 1:1 client asked about this “specialness”. She wanted more about how transgender women, and by extension, trans-attracted men, are special, world changers, here to help humanity become more and better by themselves living their authenticity.

Here’s how that conversation went.

Words shared in this conversation mean little. But when life shows a transgender woman or a trans-attracted man these word’s accuracy, then the person hearing them, and experiencing life consistent with them, becomes absolutely convinced they are world-leaders here for a big purpose.

And along with that purpose comes the potential to fulfill every desire.

Positive stories will prove life convincing

But unless a transgender woman or trans-attracted man has personal experiences in their own lives like Transamorous Network clients, or like Remy has had, it’s hard to believe.

It’s only hard to believe because each person creates reality consistent with stories they tell. If, for example, a transgender woman believes they aren’t worthy of being loved by a man, or if a man believes he can’t find a trans woman who will love him for who he is…then both create realities consistent with those beliefs.

A transgender woman on Facebook complaining via her negative stories about men (and another transgender woman endorsing this story). It’s no wonder she struggles finding a man. The stories she tells aren’t consistent with what she wants.

Standing in those realities, I get why transgender women complain, bicker, call all men fetishizers, closeted gays or worse. I also understand why men seeking transgender women call the objects of their affection skeezers, gold-diggers, drama queens or worse.

Such labels spring from knee-jerk reactions indicating displeasure with realities each person is creating. The problem though is a person can’t change a reality they’re constantly complaining about.

It’s easy to get what you want

Getting what you want is supposed to be effortless, fun and guaranteed. Who stands between you and getting what you want? No one but you. So getting what you want is as easy as getting out of your own way and letting it happen.

It’s the “letting it happen” that’s hard. Most people aren’t willing to do that. Most want to “make it happen”, which is why so many people are dating online. They don’t believe life can lead them directly to their lover, so they get in there and try to do it.

Or they’re too impatient. They tell stories about running out of time, being too old, or worse – that they are beyond an age where they’re still attractive.

That’s why so many relationships suck. People push against what should be easy, thus making it really hard.

Letting it happen doesn’t mean sitting on your ass and waiting for that man or woman to come to you, although some waiting is required. Letting it happens means learning how “letting it happen” works, then stepping into one’s power, and using levers everyone comes equipped with to create a reality of one’s choosing.

Then everything happens in magical ways. Only it’s not magic.

Transgender women and trans-attracted men are on the forward edge of what it is to be human. It sucks being trans or trans-attracted when you don’t know that, and don’t own it.

Own it though and the world becomes your oyster.

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Transgender Women: Meet Your Amazing Man: Don’t Do This!”

Photo by Jens Lindner on Unsplash

Nothing convinces better than life experience. That’s why I show transgender people and trans-attracted and transamorous men how to create in their lives proof that their stories can fulfill any desire imaginable. Including meeting amazing romantic partners.

But if YOU want to meet your amazing romantic partner, you gotta stop doing what so many other women do.

I have several transgender clients creating living proof that stories create reality. Gradually, their dreams flow into their lives with less and less effort. They’re happy, sure, eager about life and eager about meeting their matches. Like “Nadia” here:

Then there are others…

Occasionally however, I talk with transgender women who are not clients. I share the same stuff I tell my clients. What’s crazy is even though my clients’ lives offer a metric shit-ton of evidence of their dreams becoming real, these transgender women just don’t get it.

But I do.

Not being a Transamorous Network client, it’s hard (but not impossible) to understand your stories about reality create your reality. It’s way easer defending your limiting stories, which in turn limit your life. Like this transgender woman recently did while talking with me on Facebook:

A transgender woman vigorously defending her limiting beliefs with stories detailing what she doesn’t want, instead of what she wants. That’s a problem.

I’m not trans, but I have personal experience helping trans and non-trans people create fun, fulfilling lives. Everyone I work with gets lives filled with everything they want

So when I adamantly say “transgender women can have any future they imagine, and any kind of partner they want,” I mean it. 😌

He’s looking for you. Are you looking in the right places? (Photo by Tamarcus Brown on Unsplash)

Stand in the truth you want to live

Of course, many people know what they want. But most don’t know how to easily get it. Instead they do what others are doing, or what they’ve always done. Like the transgender woman above, when they get results consistent with what others get (results that suck), they get upset, frustrated and rant about what they’re getting. All the while not realizing their frustration exists for a reason.

Any experience a person has is valid. That doesn’t mean it’s the Truth with a capital T, or that their experience is an objective fact. There is no one Truth and there are no objective facts.

For example, many, many transgender women think all men are pieces of shit, want to bottom and fetishize transgender women for their penises.

Two transgender women commiserating over their truths. What is the price they pay for living this truth? Easy: no relationships, or relationships that suck.

SOME men may be this way, sure. And for transgender women who tell such stories, that’s pretty much the only men they meet. So of course, it’s TRUE that SOME men are this way.

But does standing in stories complaining about and commiserating over such men give you what you want? It clearly doesn’t, right?

Is standing in that truth really worth not getting what you want…especially when a better truth exists were you CAN get what you want?

I don’t think so.

Most people don’t know how to easily get what they want

Instead of looking forward to what one wants and talking about that, most people, transgender, trans-attracted or even plain ol’ cis, will complain about what they’re getting. They’ll complain to whoever will listen, and plenty of people exist who will not only listen, but add their own complaints in the mix.

That’s a definite no-no for both parties because in doing that, neither party helps the other get what they want.

One trans woman seeks confirmation of her story…
And another gives it, thereby reinforcing the unwanted story for herself and her friend. If you want that amazing guy STOP DOING THIS.

It’s fun when a person understands life always shows one what stories are creating what realities. Only people who understand this though can do something about it thereby fulfilling their desires.

But since most people don’t understand this, they don’t know what to do that’s different. They keep doing the same thing over and over, or do things others are doing, thinking just because others are doing it, it will work for them. 🙄

Life is on everyone’s side

What I know is, life is 100 percent faithful to everyone. It is ALWAYS on every person’s side, showing them the sum total of what stories they’re telling. Life gives them plenty of early warning too, so a person understanding this can change a reality well before it becomes…well…reality.

Life is helping the transgender women in these examples above. But they don’t understand how. So they keep doing what they’re doing and getting what they give the most air-time to: opportunity to complain about men who treat them consistent with their stories.

If you, dear reader, want a different (better) love life, or anything else in your life, you must try a better way.

Impatience is not your friend…well…it is, kinda

People (and transpeople particularly) have a distorted perspective relative to results and time. Before any significant time passes they’re impatient and wondering why they’re not getting what they want.

The transgender woman above complains about what she’s getting or rather what she’s not getting, even though she’s only been dating for 12 months. But twelve months is a blink of an eye in universal terms! And yet, people think that’s a long time, then lose their shit when what they want hasn’t come by then.

That’s lunacy!

Looks are nice, but you’re wanting more than that, I promise. But none of what you want will come easily if you’re impatient. (Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash)

Life will give anyone what they want, but when a person gets impatient about it, it can’t happen. Why? Because feeling “impatient” tells you you’re giving more air-time to your complaint than your desire. And wherever you put your attention, you get more of that. In this case, putting your attention on having no relationship gives you exactly that: no relationship!

You don’t need options

Men and women think having a selection is a good thing. That’s why so many people are on dating sites. But the Universe will give you exactly what you want without you having to search or select.

You don’t need a “pool” of men. Thinking you need a selection means you don’t believe the Universe and life is on your side. You’re trying to do what life will do for you. And it will do it far easier than if you do it.

That’s why it’s so hard finding a partner, trans girl. Stop trying to do the Universe’s job.

You only need one man (if that’s what you want): that one amazing guy. But if you think you need to find him, or select him from a pool, you’re barking up the wrong tree (to mix metaphors LOL).

This bears repeating: The more you complain about the men you don’t want, the more you’re going to connect with that kind of man. Wanting that amazing man in your life means focusing on him. Not on the men you’re meeting who aren’t that.

It’s no wonder so many trans women have similar dating experiences. Most do the same things, get the same results then complain to each other about what they get.

Don’t be those women. Instead, tell stories about the man you want. Revel in the wonderful things going on in your life. Stay away from transgender women who complain. Then watch how life easily gives you what you want.

This may be hard to hear: It’s not the men that are the problem. It’s how you’re going about getting what you want. Change that up and see what happens.

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Letters@The Transamorous Network

 

Love@The_Transamorous_Network_ 3

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Hi there! Been loving the podcast, which I just discovered…

I have a question, and it feels very uncomfortable to ask as I continue to learn about the complexity involved with trans women and how they transition and the sensitivity around their bodies and not wanting to offend them with stupid or possibly offensive questions…

I’m embarking on my first relationship with a trans woman…we met online and have been hitting it off…we were doing video chat the other night and I noticed for the first time a “5 o clock shadow” in the shape of a goatee on her face. Im doing everything intellectually to try and not judge, or feel anything about her is “lesser,” but I can’t help but feel a loss of attraction. Im also now struggling with my own journey because although I have been with a trans woman before and im very attracted to trans women, I fear my expectations around appearance are totally warped based on pornography…and now i’m worried about who and what i am actually attracted to and what this all means.

Thank you for having this forum and allowing me to be honest. Again im not trying to be judgmental; I am just having a real emotional struggle around what I saw and how I am supposed to feel about it. Any encouraging words…or you can give me tough love and put me in my place…would be much appreciated:)

Thank you.

Warmly,

Clayton

 

Hi Clayton,

This is Perry from The Transamorous Network. What a great email you sent. I’m going to explain why, then I’ll get to your question/comment/concern. I’m going to respond thoroughly to it, so this email will probably be a bit long. Just think of it that you’re getting your money’s worth 😂

Sounds like you’ve watched or listened to some of our interviews on our podcast or YouTube channel, so you have some idea where we come from. Where we come from can benefit anyone, but some aren’t ready for what we offer. That said…let’s start with how great your email is.

The fact that you’re willing to challenge your knee-jerk reaction to what you saw is so great. Most of the time, when a person has a belief confrontation (a belief or story that reality “confronts” or offers counterfactual data in the “face” of the story) that person usually will react to the emotion instead of what’s causing the emotion. I’m pretty sure you don’t know what emotions are for (the vast majority of people don’t) but the fact that you’re challenging your initial feelings is a great indicator.

That you’re clear enough to write it down without defending how you feel, or more importantly, the story you’re telling, means you’re open to creating and then holding onto a better story. One that will, over time, create realities consistent with it rather than the stories responsible for the reality you now are experiencing.

So, this is why I said your email is great. You’re open. That’s half most of the battle. 😊

So here’s the thing about trans women: like you, they are going through a transition. That means, there will be times when they may appear more like they’d rather not appear than how they want to appear. Unlike any photo, or movie (doesn’t matter if it’s porn) or any relationship you see on the street that you’re not a part of, you are in this person’s unfolding life experience. So you are seeing all that she wants you to see….and all that she doesn’t necessarily want you to see.

How you respond to that in a large way will determine how she feels, then reacts to, her emotions/thoughts/stories about herself, then about you, about men (I know that’s unfair), about relationships, and about life. So you play a big role in this person’s life.

This is a big part of what we show our clients. You aren’t playing the biggest role in her life (she is) but you are playing the biggest role in your life, with her playing a subordinate role in yours.

In other words, you both are participating in creating the experience each of you are having. This is important background.

We tell our clients the following: when you first meet someone, you are a complete match to that person. If you remain in the feeling-place you were in when you first met that person, your relationship will unfold wonderfully. Most people can’t do that though.

Most people start allowing old stories to get activated, just like you’re doing here. We talk about story or belief “constellations”: a web of related stories one has, over time, fused with their attention. So at the slightest provocation, they get activated and when they do, it’s hard for someone who doesn’t know what we offer to do anything other than go along with the behavior pattern associated with that constellation.

In a situation such as what you’re experiencing, usually a guy will feel what you felt after seeing her with facial hair, activate his old stories about what “women” and “men” “are”, and what they’re not, what they have, and what they don’t, how they look and how they don’t look…even though, for example, there are PLENTY of non-trans women with facial hair!

Then they’ll activate stories about themselves: about who they are and who they’re not, about what they are and what they’re not, they’ll entertain “what if” stories about being out with such a person, being seen with such a person, and THE STORIES THAT WOULD GET TRIGGERED ABOUT THEMSELVES WHEN IN THOSE SITUATIONS….even though those situations aren’t happening, and don’t have to happen.

Faced with too much negative emotion and not knowing what that means, the guy, the usual guy, will ghost the trans woman. Or pretend to still be interested, but over time fade away. Or they’ll abruptly leave the woman with no explanation, or a bogus one.

Does all this seem logical? It should, because it happens all the time, which is why trans women have so many bitter stories they tell all over social media. Trans women aren’t the only people subjected to such behavior. It’s universal.

Here’s the thing about the person you are “embarking on” a relationship with: when you first met her you were “hitting it off”. Now, you get to see and experience stories you have that will put the kibosh on this good thing you have if you continue putting energy into them. Your stories create your reality. Getting to see these stories is fantastic, if you know what to do about them, because if you didn’t know they were there, you couldn’t do anything about them. So this whole affair is a GOOD THING.

Although it usually isn’t thought of this way, “attraction” is an emotion. You felt that emotion because you were telling stories consistent with feeling that way. Now, after getting data that was, still is and is supposed to be helpful (data = the 5 O’clock shadow) you are no longer feeling attraction. That means you have activated a whole host of different stories (a constellation) about all the conditions of your relationships (and more) that if they happen, will be unsatisfactory to you.

The thing is, you are love in a body. But that love you are is UNCONDITIONAL. You feel love for others because that is what you are. But when you tell stories inconsistent with who you know yourself to be, you feel other than what you are (love). This is the work of a human: coming into synch with what they are.

When you get there (and you can) your love for others becomes unconditional. Even if they have a 5 O’clock shadow, you love them no matter what. It doesn’t mean you have to be with them, which I’ll get to in a moment when I talk about your expectations.

You can be with this person no matter how they look “right now” because “right now” is on a continuum of “becoming more and better”. She’s going to get better and better looking as she continues her journey. Along the way, you get to play a role. The question is, what role are you going to play? You don’t have to play one. Which leads me right to your expectations. (No tough love coming 😊)

You have expectations because they’re supposed to be met. Every one is supposed to be fulfilled. But that doesn’t necessarily mean instantly. Nor can they be met if you aren’t a match to them.

For example, let’s say you want a trans woman who looks like the girls you see in porn flicks: mostly feminine looking, “passable” and with a penis (I’m not saying that’s what you want, I’m just giving an example). But let’s say you don’t want a porn star, you want a trans woman who is professional and successful but looks like a porn star. Professional like a lawyer, or an accountant or something.

That trans woman, your ideal, is not going to tolerate someone who feels insecurity and fear about what others think about them. She’s not going to be ok with someone who is trepidatious about their own sexuality just because he likes sucking dick.

So listen, your expectations are meant to be fulfilled. But you must first become a match to the type of person you expect! If you’re not a match, you’re not going to meet them.

How do you know if you’re a match? Look at your now and what and who is in it. And who you’re being. It’s very easy to tell. And again, expectations will not be fulfilled instantly like magic. That’s not how life works. It’s gradual, it’s a process. Just like your friend’s transition is a process.

So what if she has a 5 O’clock shadow sometimes? Sometimes she doesn’t. Probably most times she doesn’t. Tell stories about how good she looks when she doesn’t and focus on those stories and watch how you find herself together with her more when she doesn’t have a 5 O’clock shadow than when she does.

Or, you’ll meet eventually a trans woman who is further along in her transition and thus more of a match to your 5-O’clock-shadow expectations. But remember what I wrote above about how expectations work: you first must become a match to them before they fulfill themselves.

Now, about judgement. Judgement gets a bad wrap by most everyone. But life experience is designed so that you get to choose what you want from what you don’t want. You do that by judging. So don’t besmirch your judgments. Just be aware of how you feel when you judge so you can tune your judging so you get what you judge you want instead of more of what you’re judging. How you do that is what I show my clients and is too complex to share here.

Anyway, you’re doing fine no matter what you decide about this situation. You clearly have more sensitivity to what’s going on inside you than most. Don’t be hard on yourself, and, above all, don’t think that trans women are scarce and that you MUST make this relationship work because they’re so hard to find. That’s the biggest story that trips up so many trans attracted guys, besides fearing what they are because they find themselves attracted to trans women.

Let me know if you have any other questions.

TTN